“There are about forty different species you can pick from and they’re all super cute-”

Did she accidentally wear a lighter shade of black today? Or maybe she slept wrong last night so her usual aura was off... Because Gretchen, her stupid brother’s stupid classmate, was attempting to talk to her as if she knew anything about video games.

“I know you’re normally into more violent games but I think if you tried it you might like it and... um...”

Gaz refused to even lift her eyes from her Game Slave screen to acknowledge the other girls presence. She had never touched a simulator game in her entire existence. Even when she was a drooling infant such things were below her level. Realizing she wouldn’t get any acknowledgement out of her, Gretchen sulked away back to her table. Unfortunately, she was quickly replaced with another annoyance.

“Watch where you’re going idiotic bag of pubescent... MEATS!”

Her brother’s extraterrestrial classmate was screaming at other students. Again.

Against what he had probably hoped, the little midget hadn’t grown at all and stood out like a sore green thumb in the mass of other teenagers. Gaz wasn’t even sure why he still went to Skool with them after all these years. If she had the option she would have ditched this greasy tar pit the second she could.

As if she didn’t already have a stupidity headache, her brother insisted on sitting next to her. And today he was ranting about chasing cheese goblins or some other retarded shit.

“Don’t even think about it Dib! You promised you would drop me off at the mall after school today.”

She had begged pretty fucking hard but her Dad still refused to let her go to the midnight release of the second rerelease of the first rerelease of Vampire Piggy Hunter 3D 95’ they were having at the Game Store. While he normally supported her addiction, he still believed school came first so he insisted she just reserve a copy to pick up the next day.

“Yeah yeah whatever Gaz. I’m going to need to buy a few things anyways if I want to-”

With the assurance that she didn’t even need to physically threaten him into taking her she tuned out his moronic monologue and returned to her game.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As with every Vampire Piggy release, there was a huge line twisting to the very back of the mall of eager game zombies. Ever since the incident with Iggins some years back, Gaz had always made sure to reserve her copy in advance.

She passed right by the restless hoard and up to the counter to speak to the sorry excuse behind the register.

“I have the Vampire Piggy Hunter 3D 95’ release under pre order for Gaz Membrane.”

The cashier disappeared to the backroom for a few minutes before coming back empty handed.

“We don’t have it here.” Gaz could feel her blood run cold. “There must have been a mistake so they mailed it to your house instead of keeping it here for you to pick up.”

“And when... will it GET to my house...” Her fingernails were digging into her skin with how hard she was balling her hands into fists.

“It’s guaranteed to arrive within a month... because of this mishap I’m supposed to offer you a free game from our sales rack... so go pick anything tagged in red over there.” The cashier pointed over her head to a forgotten area of the store.

Nearly shaking with rage, she approached the sales rack in the back corner of the store and gave it a quick scan over. The rack was filled with licensed cashgrab garbage and the laziest of lazy indie shit. However, one case haphazardly placed near the very edge of the top rack caught her eye as being obnoxiously pastel.

She lightly kicked the rack so that the game slid off its unstable position and fell into her hands. In a large bubbly blue font the words “Shloopbit Space Farm!” appeared above a little mint green pig alien blob reaching out towards the viewer.

This must have been the retarded garbage baby simulator for stupid casual morons Gretchen was trying to tell her about. She flipped it over in her hands and read the information on the back. She was surprised to see that for a casual infant game it had a lot of content...

She was going to need something to do while she waited for the mail each day... As long as no one ever found out she could probably at least get some ironic enjoyment out of how bad it was.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

4:12 am.

Gaz had unlocked all forty species, the three post game hidden ones, and even extracted the data-mined unfinished character. She had unlocked and purchased all 13,000 outfit options and double the amount of space treats. All of her aliens had been trained flawlessly and half of them even ended up going to grad school.

She played the game for two weeks straight any time she could escape to be alone from her brother or classmates. She may have developed an extremely unhealthy obsession with it but she still had enough pride to never let anyone find out about her love for a casual simulator game.

But now she had reached 105% and there was nothing left to do but either replay it or move on. Every head-pat interaction would be a stale rehash of an experience she already lived.

There would never be a sequel to fill the void this game created in her either. Gaz had done some research and the game was seven years old from a company that had crashed and burned upon its release. Literally. A plane had landed into the dev’s office and everyone caught on fire.

She turned the portable console off and laid down to succumb to empty dreams without hope of more alien raising simulators.

School that day was even more Hell than usual as she itched to scratch her urge for more Shloopbits. Before  she knew if she endured the idiocy around her she would be able to escape to her Shloops later that evening but now she had nothing to look forward to.

Gaz repeatedly stabbed her lunchmeat with her school issued spork. Her brother, three out of four of his limbs in splints after a showdown with Zim the previous night, buzzed on and on about something stupid. Dib poked her roughly in the shoulder to get her attention and she growled.

Like always he was pointing at stupid Zim the... Alien.

Zim was an alien.

It was the withdrawal after a two week long high that was turning her thought process to mush. She knew it was a stupid idea. It was the kind of idea that her normal self would kick the shit out of her for even contemplating. But she would do anything for more Shloops.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The collar had been created by her Dad to subdue his experimental secretary wombats if they went rabid. After enough attempts to see that the wombats were incapable of not going rabid he had given up entirely and the collar was left to collect dust in his lab. Gaz pocketed it before grabbing her coat and leaving the house.

It didn’t take her very long to reach Zim’s house and it took an even shorter time to barter with his computer security system into letting her enter. She passed GIR sleeping in a pile of old birthday cake to the secret trashcan entrance. She may have lost her mind but she still had enough dignity to not travel down a toilet.

The little green moron was at his battle station looking up at the giant screens thoughtfully. Gaz stood behind him for a full five minutes waiting for him to turn around and notice her presence but Zim remained oblivious. Not in the mood for waiting Gaz walked up right behind him and smacked him over the head with the metal collar. The alien let out a yelp before falling over and hitting the ground with an undignified thud.

After making sure he was out cold, Gaz took the collar and snapped it shut around his neck. She grabbed his ankle and began to drag him out of the base. Up the elevator and across the living room, where Gir had woken up to wave hello before falling back asleep, and out the door.

“What the hell is that?” A woman on the street passing by stopped to ask her.

“Dead puppy.”

The woman nodded in recognition then continued on her way. Finally reaching her house she slammed open the door and dragged Zim in. She was really banking on Dib being out on his flatwoods monster search for at least a few more hours. Once she safely reached her bedroom she dropped Zim in the middle of the floor.

After experiencing horrible withdrawal, Gaz once again had her alien and now she could...

She should have planned this better.

What the fuck was she supposed to do with Zim anyways? It was very tempting to punch her hand through the wall at her own stupidity but she needed those for button mashing. Considering she had no clue how long Zim would be unconscious for, Gaz figured she needed to have at least something in mind for when he woke up.

Hoping the alien wouldn’t bolt up and start going crazy for at least another three minutes she went to grab some things. First stopping by the kitchen, she opened the fridge and saw what it had to offer. Three slices of leftover Bloaty’s, a package of a candy that was known for being so sugary it gave people seizures, and a can of Poop Cola. She might as well take all of them and see what worked.

Once she was back in her room she carelessly dropped the loot she had stolen from the fridge onto her bed. Zim was beginning to stir on the floor so she gripped the shock controller and waited tensely.

“The Dib-Sister?! What have you-“

Zim was cut off with a piercing shriek as she pressed down on the controller. She grabbed him by the collar of his uniform.

“Listen Zim! You tell anybody about this and I’ll make every single one of my brother’s autopsy threats a reality!”

“Eh!? But-“

Once again he was cut off by the horrible pain of being electrocuted at the whims of a angry teenage girl. This event repeated itself five times before Zim finally remained quiet.

“Good so you just stay there and... and I’m going to...”

Gaz reached out her hand towards him, she figured the quicker she attempted something the less likely she was to back out. Zim flinched in response expecting her to maim him in some way. She placed her hand right on his head directly between his antenna and he shut his eyes in anticipation.

His head was cold and had a smooth texture. She begin to rub her hand over the top of her head.

Once he realized she wouldn’t be injuring him, he opened his eyes to look at her in confusion. No happy chirping, no purring, not even a change in expression.

Well.

She felt like a fucking moron.

“Zim does not underst-“

Once again he was interrupted by a howl of pain.

“Shut up! I said no talking.”

Her regret over her impulsive actions was multiplying by the minute. In what she assumed everyone in the fucking world would predict, things you learn in video games do not translate well into the real world.

Before she became too irritated and tossed him right through her closed window and out of her house she had to try something else. She shuffled through the items she had brought up from the kitchen.

“Eat this.” Gaz said while shoving the small package of candy in his face.

Zim took it into his hands and eyed it with hesitation.

“If I wanted you dead it would be with my bare hands not poison.”

Zim opened the package and began to slowly eat the candy as if it were an active bomb about to explode in his mouth. Once he finished them he merely sat there and Gaz waited for his response.

“Zim demands more of your mediocre snacks.”


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

With the exception of the alien at the foot of her bed who had been placated by sweets, it was a pretty normal Friday night for her. She was able to fixate her need for overstimulation with both a game she had already beaten multiple times on her handheld and the television in her room displaying some esports replays.

“So humans enjoy watching other humans play video games... how strange.”

“Be quiet and move your head out of the way.” She said without her normal bite.

“Will Gaz someday make video games for her filthy lardmates?“ The Irken turned to look at her.

It might have been the second time in all the years she had suffered to know him that Zim used her name. But it was the question itself that threw her off guard. The future to her had always been to eventually escape High Skool to make more time for gaming.

“Your father and smelly worm faced brother are both inventors but Gaz only consumes.” Zim said, although more to himself than her.

“Why do you care?” Why did she care?

“Zim does not. I am only asking.”

Gaz raised her leg to kick him in the head but settled on kicking the case of infinity-stuffed-noofles out of his hands. He let out an angry shriek and went to grab them off the floor. Her current game was beginning to bore her so she closed her handheld and got up to dig around her room for a less boring game to replace it.

“It would be a wasted effort. Dad is a genius but he’s an amusement park attraction to people. They don’t realize how far he’s advanced the world in such a short time only that he’s a celebrity. Right in the same category as their garbage musicians and movie stars. Dib thinks he’s the black sheep because of his interests when he might as well be Dad’s fucking clone. But I’m not creating something amazing for someone too dull to really understand what you’re giving them.”

“For humans-“

“For everyone Zim. Everyone and everything.”

Normally she wouldn’t share such thoughts in the presence of another but it was Zim. By tomorrow, he wouldn’t be able recall a word she said.

“Zim demands more of these Earth snacks!” He said holding up a deep purple colored box.

She was tempted to tell the alien to fuck off but knew it was more important to keep him pacified so she bitterly got up and went back to the kitchen.

When she returned to her room she noticed the Irken was no longer staring at the TV but was reading something. Looking closer she realized it was one of her old sketchbooks. Noticing her he froze up as if he expected her to beat him for going through her things. She responded by chucking the snacks at his face and laying back in her bed. Once he became sure she wasn’t going to retaliate further, he continued to look through her drawings.

“The Dib sister-”

“Gaz.”

“Eh?”

“It’s Gaz.”

“Zim did not know that Gaz had hobbies beyond video games.” He said while flipping through her sketchbook.

“I could build an entire database around what you don’t know Zim.”

“What is this?” Zim held up her sketchbook to show some concept art she had done last year.

“A piggy warship.” Looking at it now, the idea was beyond retarded but she was fairly happy with how it turned out. The alien stared at the page, not saying anything for a bit.

“Build it.”

“What?”

“Your father surely has the equipment and materials. Build it for Zim.” He insisted shoving the page in her face. She swatted him away.

“Build it yourself.”

Zim sat back on the bed looking down at the sketch with great interest. He narrowed his eyes in concentration.

“Zim is taking this.” He said ripping the page out of her book.

She should have been enraged watching him greedily tear it it out.

“You’re not even going to ask if you can have it?”

“I’m sure Dib does not ask before taking your designs.”

“That’s not something I have to worry about.” It was the one thing she never had to be concerned about about him interfering with. Seventeen years and Dib had never asked to see her art.

Zim folded up the drawing before returning to the pile of snacks she had given him. His antenna twitched greedily as he shoved sugary junk in his mouth. Out of impulsive curiosity, Gaz reached forward to brush her finger against the stem.

He stilled instantly.

“It is illegal to touch an Irken’s antenna”

“So I should stop?” She asked without stopping at all.

“Zim did not say that.”

Without warning, Zim flopped down leaning against her and let out a happy sigh. Gaz continued to rub his antenna until a high pitched chirp distracted her.

“Zim did not give you permission to stop!”

Gaz was very tempted to comment on the sound that escaped him but was savvy enough to realize the possible outburst that might come from it. Instead she returned to playing with his antenna.

“You know Zim... you’re nearly tolerable when you’re not speaking or doing anything.”

She felt her eyes get heavy as she began to fall asleep with Zim leaning against her chirping happily.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Gaz was crudely awoken by the ringing of the doorbell. She groggily lifted her head as she felt a pressure on her body... oh right Zim. She was pretty surprised to see that he had rested next to her all night. As far as she knew Irkens didn’t sleep but maybe touching the antenna was able to knock them out.

She stomped down the stairs and went to open the door. Completely ready to maim whoever thought it was a good idea to wake her up at 6:30 am on a Friday.

A slightly crumpled package lay on the doorstep. She
tore open the package to reveal her delayed of copy of the Vampire Piggy rerelease. She had completely forgotten about that.

She returned to her room with the game in hand to see Zim was now awake sitting on her bed.

“Gaz human.”

With that Gaz easily picked up Zim and threw him out her window.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Like with most shenanigans Gaz managed to get into, basic routine returned to her life very quickly. The hell of school, classmates, and a sibling only relieved by blessed virtual escapism and greasy cheese coated heaven.

“Look Dib, it’s you if your brain was replaced by toilet paper.”

She held up a grotesque sketch of her moron brother looking like a complete retard drooling at the mouth. More of a retard anyways.

“Hilarious.” Dib replied as he didn’t look up from his laptop.

“GAZ HUMAN!”

The entire cafeteria looked to see Zim dramatically standing on a table pointing directly at her. Dib immediately seemed on guard and Gaz herself even snarled at the attention.

Zim jumped off the table and approached where Gaz and Dib were sitting. Her hand was balled in a fist ready to show him once again what happened to those who annoyed her publicly. Once he was directly in front of her, he held out his arms to show her something.

It was a tiny metal model of her pig warship design.

“Gaz should not simply resign herself because the dirt monkeys cannot appreciate it. All beasts are inferior to Zim yet I still do everything to show Zim’s greatness!”

Gaz took the model and examined it closely. It wasn’t so much a model as if he had built the ship in real size and shrunk it down. Given his technology she reasoned that wasn’t beyond him.

The alien walked away while Dib shrieked after him.

“Don’t touch that Gaz! It’s probably some kind of bomb or an alien parasite-“

Dib’s speech turned into a horrid scream as Gaz stabbed him with her fork.

Carefully holding the tiny ship in her hands Gaz figured that even if people were full of garbage perhaps sometimes other species could be alright.