Austin Walker <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:00 PM
Hey Everyone,

I know we're ALREADY in the process of talking through some Big Structural Changes right now, but I wanted to quickly address something that I think is incredibly important and which deserves our full, immediate focus. That said, I am hopeful that we can deal with quickly.

It recently came to my attention that there have been incidents of indiscretion involving one of StreamFriends streamer and at least one chat member which included the unsolicited sending of suggestive and nude photos. This--and incidents like it--cannot happen again. I immediately want to move to put some basic language covering this into the Best Practices document that we sent around months ago.

I hemmed and hawed over this a bit because, after all, put enough people together in a social group and of course there are going to be hookups, both casual and serious, both physical and virtual. But this instance was not a consensual exchange of pics, it was an incident of sexual harassment. It is important to understand it as such.

In 2014 we saw a number of YouTubers come under fire for predatory sexual practices, in which they used their fame as both a tool to harass women and also a shield to protect them and keep those women quiet. Thankfully the incident I received word of was not as severe as any of those cases, but there was nothing innocent about it, either. It is imperative that we put words on the page to make it clear that we will not allow our hosts (or mods) to make any sort of unsolicited sexual advances on our audience members.

Honestly, it's infuriating that I had to type that sentence. Are you kidding me? I've been barely holding it together over this since I found out, and some of you know that I've been having a shitty couple of weeks as it. So, I have some words:

I know that I've probably used the term "safe space" so often over the last year that it's lost all meaning, but if ever there were a clear example of what I do not want happening, it's this. Maybe it's the teacher in me speaking, but the relationship we have with our fans is a fragile, asymmetrical power dynamic, and we are (maybe for the first time in some of our lives) the ones in the dominant position. We need to understand the responsibility that comes with that. Folks who are eager to impress us are in a position of vulnerability, and we cannot ever take advantage of that. Let me be clear: Our chat room is not your new dating pool, and is especially not a place for anyone to find new folks to harass.

As it stands we have a "Respect everyone" clause in our best practices. It is, again, absurd that I have to type this but: that apparently isn't enough. So, I suggest we add a line here to make this clear. Something like "In addition to on stream behavior, we expect hosts to treat our chat members with respect outside of the channel as well. This means that any incidents of harassment (whether sexual, bullying, or otherwise) will be addressed internally. If any incidents are reported they will be investigated and disciplinary action (including the possibility of immediate dismissal) will be taken." Definitely willing to edit this if folks have something else they think needs to go in, but we need new language in this document by the end of next week. I will not budge on this.

Last year I put a lot of heat on IndiE3 for not having the communications infrastructure, staff, or written guidelines necessary to deal with the troubles that often come with being an organization. Well, I won't see someone make similar claims about us in the future. Thanks to our great mod team and our upcoming Slack page, the first two of those issues are taken care of for now. We now need to turn our attention to the third. Let's start here.

I know it's hard to imagine, right now but I really am looking forward to everything we’re going to do 2015.

-Austin
​
Q <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:18 PM
I agree with Austin that this is something we should take care of immediately, and thank you for bringing it to our attention. I'm fine with the addition to our current best practices as suggested here, personally.

L <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:20 PM
I definitely agree that this should be added to the best practices document and am very disappointed that it even needs to be explicitly spelled out. StreamFriends needs to be a safe space, end of the line.


T <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:22 PM
This kinda freaks me out tbh? Is the receiver of the unsolicited photos okay?

I'm completely on board with all these updates and thoughts. I'm sorry this had to happen and don't feel super great about any of this.

K <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:24 PM
I'm all for this addition to the best practices. It bums me out hard that whatever happened, happened.

Austin Walker <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:44 PM
Thanks for responding so quickly everyone. Once I see a few more confirmations I'll go ahead and add the new text to the doc.

T, I’ll pass on your concern (and I've offered lots of my own already). I believe the receiver of the unsolicited photos is okay. I’ve spoken with them about this a couple of times, and they genuinely seemed like they’d reached closure re: the incident, but also wanted to make sure that we were thinking about issues like this going forward.  They requested we address this in a policy sense, but specifically didn’t want me circulating their name or the guilty party's, nor issuing any disciplinary action (in this case anyway.)  I want to respect their trust in this matter so I will not be giving details out, but I will remain in contact and keep your concerns in mind.

I know that it's tough to imagine “here too?” but yes, of course, here too. Let’s do better.

I <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:46 PM
I just woke up from a pretty long nap and woooaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

I'm all in for this addition, but uh... hmm. I ain't feelin' so good about all this.


L <xxx@gmail.com>

Fri, Jan 2, 2015, 11:49 PM
I'm glad the receiver seems to be okay/recovering and that you'll keep in contact with them, Austin. Thank you.

K <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 7:25 AM
Thanks for writing this Austin. I'm really saddened and disappointed to hear about this, but it's an important amendment that needs to be made, and I support your addition to the best practices doc absolutely.

Andrew Swan <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 10:00 AM
Austin, thanks for writing this up and bringing it to everyone. I echo everyone else in being 100% behind this addition to the doc.

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 10:26 AM
Wait, a streamer sent unsolicited nude photos to a chat member? Yeah, that's ridiculous and should be an immediate dismissal. No question in my mind about that.

O <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 10:58 AM
Yes, absolutely add this to the best practices, please.

I'm shocked and appalled by this news. I would like to respect the wishes of the harassed, but I'm not sure if this is something we can collectively ignore. I'm not sure it's something I can ignore. I've always taken the "Friends" part of StreamFriends seriously and I consider every single one of you a friend. I love and respect you all, but with this, the respect part has taken a serious hit. Do I really have to wonder every time I'm on a stream if one of the people I'm discussing Big Issues and joking around with is someone that would take advantage of their position to harass?

This absolutely goes against everything I've fought for, everything I thought we were all fighting for. This is appalling and absurd.

I'm willing to forgive the guilty. I desperately want to forgive them. But for that to happen they will have to come forward, explain what happened, and apologize sincerely to us and to the harassed. Until this happens, I'm not sure I can be part of StreamFriends. I can't sweep this one under the rug.

O <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:15 AM
I'm sorry, the last email was written with nothing but emotions. The wishes of the harassed of course trumps everything else here. I already regret this email and I apologize.\

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:16 AM
I agree with you to be honest. They should apologize and then quit. Sweeping it under the rug is unacceptable.

L <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:25 AM
We have to respect the harassed person's wishes, as uncomfortable as that may make some of us. If the person responsible wants to voluntarily tell us, I think that would be a good faith move, because I know that reading the original e-mail made me feel sick and unsafe and I'm sure I'm not the only one who had those emotions. But what the person wanted in seeking out Austin must be respected.

Austin Walker <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:31 AM
The wishes of the harassed really do come first. They came forward on this under the strict condition that no disciplinary action be taken. Partially because they’ve resolved the matter privately, partially because they believe it was not a malicious act but a (bad) mistake.

We need to respect their wishes for a bunch of reasons, but three of them are: 1. To keep their trust. 2. To keep them from feeling shitty for coming forward so that if they feel like they need to again in the future, they’ll do that. 3. Because it undermines their own agency and says we know better than they do.

This isn't being swept under the rug: it was addressed, just not by us.

L <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:32 AM
Austin said that much better than I could after just waking up.

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:34 AM
I never said anything about exposing the harrased. But the harasser needs to both reveal themselves and quit. Anything else is pure cowardice and completely unacceptable. It's legitimately mind blowing to me that we're going to basically ignore this and have someone like that among us now.

T <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:37 AM
It's so difficult to balance respect for the receiver and also come to terms with the fact that as someone who has PTSD due to sexual shit, my anxiety is through the roof. I'm not sharing this info for pity or to sway the decisions, I just want to be honest about how I feel about all of this.

Austin Walker <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:40 AM
The harrassed's wishes were to not expose the harasser. That's really all there is to this. If we force the harasser to come forward and then remove them, we’ll have broken the trust with this chat member, denied their wishes, and proven that we do not, in fact, have their best wishes at heart.

The story as told to me was about indiscretions and mistakes, which I was told were addressed and resolved. This was not about a campaign of abuse. If it were the latter, I think I’d be like those of you who demand immediate action.

We're not ignoring this. We're setting up rules so that if anything even close to this happens again, dismissal will be on the table.

I'm firm on this.

O <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:42 AM
I apologize for taking us down this road. I spoke from the gut without thinking. Austin says the matter is resolved, so we have to trust this. The incident is between those two adults. It's frankly none of our business beyond the information shared. The action we are taking is establishing firm and clear rules on this kind of conduct going forward.

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 11:43 AM
I'm just not really interested in being part of a group that doesn't punish people for sexual harassment.

T <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 12:03 PM
My final two cents: I think going forward we can find better ways of bringing things like this to our attention as a policy update rather than what's happening now, which is everyone feeling uncomfortable, and rightfully so. If the issue was resolved between them then we didn't need to know the details of who-might-have-done-what. I feel like I was better off not knowing details and just knowing the outcome instead of being paranoid.

Austin Walker <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 12:04 PM
I can respect that, it's why I want this rule in place. We weren't that place before, now we are.

But when I promised this person total confidentiality, I meant it. I didn't just offer our word as a group, I offered it from me to them. And I offered them support and the belief that they were an adult who knew how to handle their own life.

So maybe I'm biased because if we go against their wishes, it's my relationship with the harassed that will suffer. But I meant what I told them, and I told them that this would remain confidential, between them and me and that’s it.

We could hit this ball back and forth indefinitely, E. You want someone to out themselves, the harassed did not want it known who it was. That's really it. In this case, because of the conditions of this incident and because it has been dealt with privately already, I'm going to side with the harassed here.

I don't know where else to go from here. The choice you're putting on the table is "do something the harassed does not want done or I'm leaving.” That's shifting the whole conversation in a way that's not productive and that is, frankly, selfish.

We've dealt with this quickly and correctly. Let’s move forward and be vigilant, not only of others but of our own behavior.

I <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 12:05 PM
I could be hella wrong here, so please correct me if I'm wrong but... If Austin says that the whole thing is resolved before the matter was brought to our attention, then this was brought to our attention as a notice to inform us about what happened instead of asking us to take a call to action.

However, this is a pretty sensitive thing. For us, we are witnessing an action that stains the name of StreamFriends and goes against the safe place that we have pretty much touted. But then we also have to be careful how we decide to handle this. Trust is important, and whatever action we make here is going to be very divided as we are all reading here.

We dismiss the person, we lose our trust and integrity with the harasser. We don't dismiss the person, I feel like people here aren't going to fly with that.

And correct me if I'm wrong even further but Austin did say that the harassed believed that it was done non-maliciously and that it was a bad mistake. I've known you folks for awhile, so I'm leaning well towards that. If it's legit by accident, maybe we should probably put the pitchforks down a bit, yeah? I'm sure whoever did it is reading this and I'm sure they fucking feel like the worst in the world right now because they might have accidentally slipped their thumb on something on their phone to cause all this to happen.

Now if that's not the case then... well, I don't know what to say... But if that is the case, then I'd say we need to calm down a bit.

Austin Walker <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 12:06 PM
Yeah, in retrospect I feel like it was a goof on my part not to just say “Hey, we have a gap in our policy here.” I was very angry at the time, and very unsure if saying that would just get ignored. “What? Here? We have a “Respect people” rule. Austin's just being Austin don’t worry about it.” Still, I think maybe I could've figured out a way to push us there without riling everyone up. Note taken.

-Austin

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Jan 3, 2015, 12:31 PM
I'm okay with being selfish because I don't want to stream with or be professionally associated with a sexual harasser. Any trust I had with members of this group is severely weakened because of this and if that's the way it has to go, that's the way it has to go.

Q <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 12:52 PM
I think E's concern - and one that I share - is that this isn't a situation where you can put the genie back in the bottle so to speak. Even with stronger rules in place to handle this going forward, I don't like the idea that any time I invite someone to the stream I might be left wondering in the back of my head if they did this and if, by streaming with them, I am potentially enabling it to happen again.

That last concern, in particular, makes me feel sick, especially as the person who started Stream Friends.

All that said, in the end, I do think Austin's correct here. We need to respect the wishes of the victim first and foremost. If they say it wasn't malicious and was a mistake, as much as the situation grosses me out, I'm willing to believe them.

I hope whoever is to blame for this realizes the weight of what they've done, both to us as a group and more importantly to the victim.

I <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 1:23 PM
I think to kinda clear things up a bit (and to further increase my understanding as to what's going on), I'm just gonna list out this list and tell me if I got anything wrong!

- We wish to add additional lines to our best practices clause in regards to harassment from the hosts to the viewers, both inside and out of the stream.
- This amendment started from a request from an affected chat member (the "harassed") who asks if StreamFriends had a policy in regards to an incident involving them.
- This incident is an unfortunate event involving an act from a StreamFriends host (the "harasser").
- The act in question involved the harasser sending unsolicited nude photos to at least one chat member.
- The harassed has requested that no disciplinary action is to be taken to the harasser, on the grounds that the incident was resolved by the two and that no malicious intent was found.
- We all are in agreement to amend our best practices clause with this updated text.
- What actions would be taken if such a situation arises again or similar?
- Should the harasser reveal themselves despite the harassed acknowledging that no malicious intent was found and with little to no impact caused? Would this go against the wishes of the harassed?
- Should the harasser be removed from StreamFriends despite the harassed acknowledging that no malicious intent was found and with little to no impact caused? While this would go against the wishes of the harassed, would taking either action cause any harm to our integrity, and which action would we take?
- If not, should the harasser have any sort of disciplinary action despite the harassed acknowledging that no malicious intent was found and with little to no impact caused? This would also go against the wishes of the harassed, but this would be less extreme and can be kept privately. In any case, would taking either action cause any harm to our integrity, and which action would we take?

I think that lays out everything. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on anything.

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 1:30 PM
Like Q said, the genie can't go back in the bottle. I won't be able to stream with someone here again without wondering if they did this, and if they will do it again as they get more exposure.

Even doing this just once shows how little respect that person has for the chat and for all of us. They clearly don't even have the guts to reveal themselves even after they are seeing how it's affecting the team as a whole and I don't see why we'd want someone like that around.

Austin Walker <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 2:18 PM
I appreciate that this might make you uncomfortable.  I’m deeply saddened that a situation has come to our doors.  I’m saddened, I’m stunned, I’m beside myself.  I never thought this would happen here and now that it has I’m upset with myself for being so naive.

However, your discomfort, my anger, all of our reactions, can’t trump the comfort safety and trust of the person materially affected here.  The person brave enough to come and talk to us about it.  They have to come first, they’re the most important person in this situation and I think we owe it to them to respect their wishes here.

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 2:30 PM
That's fine. Like I said, the person should have enough respect for the rest of us to reveal themselves. By letting all this play out, they continue to give us zero respect and are proving that they deserve none in return.

I hope you're happy with yourself, anonymous pervert. I'm sure it was all worth it.

L <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 2:47 PM
Q said this really well: "All that said, in the end, I do think Austin's correct here. We need to respect the wishes of the victim first and foremost. If they say it wasn't malicious and was a mistake, as much as the situation grosses me out, I'm willing to believe them. I hope whoever is to blame for this realizes the weight of what they've done, both to us as a group and more importantly to the victim."

That's pretty much exactly how I feel.


L <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 2:50 PM
Also, if the person affected thought that the person posed a danger or anything like that, I think they would have told us.

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 2:52 PM
Cool. Well I'm gonna do my last stream in a few minutes. It was nice hanging out on the internet with you guys.

I'll finish putting the stuff I've done on the youtube channel as well, but I'm out after that. If anyone needs anything they know where to contact me.

K <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 3:52 PM
An interaction happens between two adults that one of them is decidedly uncomfortable with. They talk it out, and she is fairly satisfied with how they've resolved it. But she has a dilemma, now. Even if it was just an awkward gross mistake, this interaction revealed a gap in the code of conduct for a group of people she really likes who try very hard not to leave gaps in their code of conduct. Maybe this time it wasn't so bad, but humans are humans and if there was a next time how bad would she feel if she'd never brought it up at all? Never gave them an opportunity to put something, anything, in place? But this is, again, a group of people she really loves. She's not out for blood, nor does she want to be the chisel that breaks them apart. She just wants to affect some positive and hopefully preventative change to protect them from similar but potentially worse situations in the future.

That's my read on things.

There's never going to be a 100% comfortable solution to something like this. I don't love it. I don't love wondering just how awkward and gross (at best) people I know and like can be when I'm not looking. But my involvement in this is tangential. I'm willing to accept that in her eyes this was an awkward gross mistake, that she felt comfortable enough to resolve things between them privately because even nice people who aren't remorseless predatory monsters can make those awkward gross mistakes (who even knows, but Christmas was rough this year), and that things aren't necessarily as frightening and lurid as they maybe seem in an angry late night email. That's the best I can do for my own peace of mind, and peace of mind is not the most important thing on the table here. I don't want to diminish what happened, but I also don't want someone to feel like they ruined a thing they loved because they wanted to help us instead of just keeping her head down/bottling this up forever. I've been there a few times over the course of my life and it's an awful place to be.

Q <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 3:58 PM
That's a really smart, nuanced reading of the situation. Thank you for sharing that -- it's definitely something I'm going to be thinking about.

For what it's worth, E, if you need to be done with Stream Friends, even just temporarily, I completely understand that. I hope that's not the case and you can come back at some point, but I get where you're coming from, and I'm feeling a lot of the same emotions.

T <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 4:01 PM
That's really insightful, K. Thank you.

Unless something really important occurs, I'd like to be tagged out of this email chain. I think I'm getting far too angry and if I just distance myself for a couple of days I'll be able to put things in a non-angered perspective.

<3 <3 <3

B <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 4:06 PM
I was talking this over with my lovely girlfriend while running errands and she said something that resonated with me and I’ll share it here.

“Taking further action would make this person more uncomfortable and that’s not what a good ally does.  A good ally let’s the person at the center of the issue be at the center.  They let their voice be the driving force.”

Dating a professional feminist can be pretty rad you guys.

Q <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 4:08 PM
Maybe it would be best for all of us to back off for a few days unless we have something absolutely necessary to share immediately. I'm not sure there's much else discussion of this issue can accomplish right now besides making everyone angrier and more on edge.

I <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 4:09 PM
I agree! AGDQ starts tomorrow and NO ONE IS GONNA RUIN THAT FOR ME. >:(

See you folks in a week!

E <xxx@gmail.com>

Sat, Jan 3, 2015, 4:55 PM
Re: What Q said, I don't know if I'll be gone forever. But as of right now, I'm just really uncomfortable to keep streaming with the Streamfriends. It's definitely a thing that could change in the future but for right now I think it's the best choice.