Super special bonus stage

Saturday, late night.

I'm about ready to head to bed after a long day of drinking and paintball, when I notice something.

"PI PI PI PI PI PI PI PI PI PI PI PI PI PI!" The owl shaped clock on the wall goes off, signalling that someone is in need of help!

After smashing the clock with my fist in order to shut it up, I dash into my closet!

I put on a double breasted green trench coat, my metal plated boots, an over sized book cover with eye holes cut out, and a black tie. Once all of those are on, "I am no longer Joe the teacher! I am-" I strike a funky pose and change the tone of my voice, "Captain Chemistry!"

I kick open my closet door, and jump through my window, which was conveniently opened. I then race towards the Mayor's office by jumping from roof to roof, Sometimes jumping from the occasional Elf.

Upon reaching the Mayor's office, I crash through her closed window and strike another pose.

The Mayor, an Albino Crocodile girl, greets me, "Captain Chemistry! you're here!" Shortly after my arrival, a glowing Moth girl floats through the broken window, and a giant masked wrestler with a shark theme crashes up through the floor. "Luna, and Los Tiburon! You're here as well!" The mayor greets them as well, but pauses and looks around, "Where's Arachnophobia and Techno-Pimp?"

Luna raises two of her fours hands, "They got married and retired. They now raise Cowgirls in Texas."

"..." Los Tiburon merely nods his head.

"So what's the problem?" I speak up.

Th Mayor slams her fists into her desk, destroying it beyond repair in the process, "A group of Dark Elves has been causing trouble lately! We need you to stop them!"

I draw en eyebrow on my mask, and cock it, "Just a group of dark elves? Isn't it a little much to send us in? Why not just have the police handle it?"

"It's not the police's job to prevent things before they happen, unless they're drug related. Everyone knows that." The Mayor retorts, while giving her number to Los Tiburon.

Oh.

"Well, alright then." I crack my fingers, "Let's go, gang!"

I crash through another window, followed by Los Tiburon making a hole in the wall and Luna floating behind.

We begin to scour the area for those Dark Elves, eventually finding them in the middle of a nefarious act in an alley! Raping little boys!

The three of us stylishly, and heroically, land at the entrance to said alley, "Stop right there, criminal scum!"

The group of nappy haired women stop what they are doing and stare at us before brandishing knives.

Before they can even move within range, I take off one of my boots and throw it with all of my strength at the possible leader's face. It connects with an audible "WHAM", breaking her teeth, nose, and possibly her neck in the process.

The rest of the group charge at us.

Most of them charge at Los Tiburon, but come to regret it when he proceeds to grapple them into submission with his inhuman strength and assortment of "POW", "WHAM", and "FAPPO" noises.

The few that decided to charge at Luna were shot to death by her Deagle and 1911.

Before long, most of the Dark Elves have been subdued, some killed. The three of us do a victory pose, and cheese it. Don't want to be around when the police show up, after all...

The three of us regroup at the top of a nearby tower, and look down at the city.

"Evil beware. If you think you can get away with murder, rape, theft, or openly enjoying Metroid Other M, think again!" I shout out while sticking my chest out.

Luna brandishes her guns, "We will find you, and when we do-"

Los Tiburon cuts in and slams his fists together, "...! .....!"

The three of us raise our hands into the air and shout some more. Before long, it's time to leave. Luna floats away, while Los Tiburon jumps off of the 30 story building, grabbing a Wyvern mid fall, and using her to break his fall. I use my coat as a make-shift hang-glider, and glide down.

After riding a bus home, I wash off any gunk on my boots, put on some pajamas, and go to bed.

?!

Something is smushing its face against one of my windows?!

Upon closer inspection, I find out that the face belongs to Sarah the Harpy. "Hey." She waves at me.

...

I close the curtains, grab my pillow and a blanket, and sleep in my bathtub.