Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 6 days ago
Hey, I did want to say that I appreciate you asking about apping Elena, but I want to be candid in that I've had really frustrating experiences playing canon couples in the past, and I was excited for a clean slate in Hadriel.

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 6 days ago
Obviously I'm not going to stop people from applying, and by all means people should play in the tdm! But since you did go to me first, I'm really just trying to settle in right now.

naтнan вreaĸ 6 days ago
No, I appreciate your candor!

naтнan вreaĸ 6 days ago
Even if I did app, it wouldn't be this month. I don't mean that as a "oh that's fine I'll just wait one month for you to settle and then it's good to go," but just so you don't feel like you're cutting me off at the knees or anything.

naтнan вreaĸ 6 days ago
And just so you don't have the wrong impression, I wasn't thinking of trailing after you like a sad stray doggo b/c of ship thirst—I had never really looked at Hadriel before and thought it was really interesting once I did, and it was probably driven in part by my discontent in Synod.

naтнan вreaĸ 6 days ago
So even if I were to ever app, you wouldn't have like an rp anchor attached to your leg.

naтнan вreaĸ 6 days ago
But in any case I completely respect your desire to fly solo (and tbh your willingness to say what you want is refreshing) so I'll probably take it off the table entirely for the time being. So no worries.

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
(Sorry for the delay, I tend to go largely radio silent on the weekends, but-) Thank you. I really do appreciate it, especially since I'm still getting acclimated to this new canon point with him.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
Yeah, I get it. :|b I ended up having some really fun thread starts with Elena this weekend, so I'm not feeling bereft of cool rp opportunities with her.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
Though to offer the same sort of honesty you gave me (which I still do truly appreciate)—it's probably unlikely that a situation like this will arise again, but if one does and you're ever not feeling into something else, I'd be very grateful if you let me know about it ASAP, even if it's just uncertainty. I ended up taking Elena's TD starter off entirely,

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
since there was no longer a need to test her out, but someone did end up asking me why it was gone and that was embarrassing for me. Maybe it would have been better to leave it, but I was trying to avoid any awkwardness or potentially getting people interested in a character that definitely wasn't going to app.

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
Aw, geez. I didn't mean for you to feel like you still couldn't play in the tdm. I guess I didn't think of that because I see a lot of people post to tdms even if they're not actively planning on apping? But I do understand where you're coming from.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
I know you didn't   But unless it's dinking around with rare characters or something, I treat test drives as at least a "maybe" thing. And the idea of sticking around afterward made me feel kind of foolish, since I didn't realize until then that it wouldn't have been fun for you.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
As roleplayers go I think I'm a lot more secure in myself than most, but inadvertantly being the unwanted ship partner is like my one Yikes Avoid This thing, because when that happens everyone loses.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
And now I feel bad because I don't want to make you feel bad, aha. But that's why I originally asked about it, because I genuinely wanted to know what you thought of the possibility of having her there—I think it's kind of assumed in dwrp that people will always be happy to have castmates, but I didn't intend it as a formality.

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
I mean. In honesty I think it would be a lot of fun to have her there? Particularly given the canon points in question. But since I've just joined a new game for the first time in years, I'm mostly in the "I need to figure out wtf is going on" stage of acclimatization.

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
I also don't mean to come across as a "NO I DON'T WANT CASTMATES" person, because I'm absolutely not, but I really wasn't kidding when I said I've had genuinely frustrating experiences in the past - with both regular castmates and shipping ones. I've been screwed and flaked out on fairly consistently, which I realize colors my wariness of that thing.

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
Several times bitten, extremely shy, sort of thing.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
Both of those things are pretty understandable!

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
the number of times I've had canon ship partners ghost out or flake is just

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
Curse Levels

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
I also realize it's unfair to apply that to everyone, because not everyone is like that and I am certain you aren't, but I hope that explains some of my reticence.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
It was mainly the surprise, I think. Like, I meant it when I said you didn't pull the rug out from under me re: actually playing here there--I was definitely on the fence and didn't plan to teeter over on either since for at least a month, so I didn't lose something I thought was definitely gonna happen.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
But hearing you'd rather I not app after several of days of thinking it'd be a fun thing if it did eventually go that way kinda sucky, like I was oblivious to something I should have known. And it was an awkward position to be in when someone asked about it.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
...right now though I'm more upset about my typos jesus self

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
I should have been more upfront immediately about it, but at the same time I...think I inaccurately assessed your commitment to the idea, given the number of time people have told me "YEAH I'LL APP" and then. Peaced out. Which is still my fault, but based on a shitty precedent.

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
we should all be better at communicating our exact intentions in this hobby and as much as I try to be as candid as possible there are still pratfalls :|

Nᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ 3 days ago
(oh my god i got a new phone so everything is typos for me right now i understand   )

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
Yeah, there are, for reals. I'm not immune to them myself.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
And yeah, that's basically it--I would really have liked to have heard it sooner. Then I was hesitant to say anything because I didn't want to be like IF YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING IMMEDIATELY YOU CAN'T EVER REVEAL YOUR THOUGHTS. But honesty deserves honesty.

naтнan вreaĸ 3 days ago
I do still like the idea of the game and if I did ever app it'd be because I wanted to set down roots, not just experiment for a month or two, but hovering around all "how about now? Or now? Or now?" would suck for everyone (LOL) So I guess if you ever feel more open to the idea, feel free to reach out and let me know.

naтнan вreaĸ reply delete 3 days ago
Otherwise I'll assume it's a nah indefinitely because I don't want to set either of us up for frustration. And I've got good stuff going atm so I'm otherwise content. <3