radio script

characters: dave, kirsten, freaky filipe

[end of neutral milk hotel song]

Davie: “… and that was “Holland, 1945” by Neutral Milk hotel.
Good song to end the niche night. More hits like this after this brief speedbump we call plugs and the show. I appreciate’cha all listening to us here at KSFM 107.5. Don’t forget this Saturday is the Auburn Autumn festival where yours truly and the gang here at the station will be. Good food, drinks and plenty of tunes to get your feet wet with. Tickets ending soon and more details are on our website for those interested. Speaking of Autumn, it’s that time of year again, candy and scares. We actually want to plug a local entrepreneur in town who finally, in his words, ‘Got up with the big boys now’ and is bringing a special event to town. I personally don’t know who this guy is and couldn’t find anything online but…  Kirsten, if you could, let us have a listen to Freaky Filipe’s Freakshow!”

Fillipe: “‘Eyyyy” [intermix greasy wop laughter] “It’s me, the one, de only, FREAKY FILLIPE. I’m gonna bring the ruckus and cause some mud in your town. I’m talking a big fair, scares and spooks. Now let me get real wit ya fellas, even I, FREAKY FILLIPE, hate spooks. In the dead of night when you least expect ‘em BAM. Betta hold on ta things you won’t want losin cause they’ll sweep ya right off your feet. No more! Thanks to them funny fellas at da sides of the home depots. The ones who don’t speako much-o and take whatever I get ‘em we’re no longer a hop, skip and a tinkle from the city dump no more! Rememba, no wearin any of them loud colors or you’ll get a visit from Uncle MB. Mini-bat! The main attraction we got this year..? Bring any real man in here and it’d be a slaughtahouse. I’m talking a surprise that looks like one ting but is actually da other. FREAKY’S HOUSE OF SCARES. WE GOT ONE ROOM FULL-AV-DEM TRAINSGENDERS AND THEY’RE FAIRY FUCKIN FRIENDS.” [this will get cut off at fu-].
Davie: “Ohhhhkay… that’s enough of that… Kirsten… I… *long sigh*