SHARE
TWEET

Howard Stern Interviews Kacey Jordan Full Transcript

italkyoubored May 5th, 2015 (edited) 2,006 Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. Broadcast date: 02/01/2011
  2.  
  3. Audio is taken from the following file:
  4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clvYPC4s_M8
  5.  
  6. The reason why this interview has been transcribed is that it represents, I think, a fascinating historical document of 21st century life, as well as another reason: the prince referred to by Kacey Jordan in this interview can only be Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum, the crown prince of Dubai, and as such, contains relevant, fascinating details on an important figure which cannot be found anywhere else.
  7.  
  8. This piece is a supplementary document to a blog post dealing partly with an elite escort ring operating out of Los Angeles, which employed high profile porn stars and playmates as escorts:
  9. https://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/irving-wallaces-the-fan-club-the-fappening-part-two/
  10.  
  11. HOWARD STERN
  12. Hey baby. Let's party. Come on. Hey. What's happening. I've been seeing you everywhere.
  13.  
  14. KACEY JORDAN
  15. THANK YOU!
  16.  
  17. ROBIN QUIVERS
  18. Hello.
  19.  
  20. HS
  21. Hey baby.
  22.  
  23. KJ
  24. Hi.
  25.  
  26. HS
  27. You're fun.
  28.  
  29. KJ
  30. You have a bar here?
  31.  
  32. HS
  33. Oh yeah.
  34.  
  35. KJ
  36. [laughs]
  37.  
  38. HS
  39. You need a cocktail, your pal's got one. You know it. You love to drink, right?
  40.  
  41. KJ
  42. I'm a huge drinker, I actually have a...kidney infection right now. [laughs]
  43.  
  44. RQ
  45. A kidney infection?!
  46.  
  47. KJ
  48. That doesn't stop me. I'll still have a drink. [laughs]
  49.  
  50. RQ
  51. Are you kidding? You're on medication? You're not supposed to drink.
  52.  
  53. KJ
  54. Well, I take medication and...
  55.  
  56. HS
  57. She's an alcoholic, Robin.
  58.  
  59. KJ
  60. I'm like, I'll get good, I'll take my medication, then somebody's like "You wanna drink?" I'm like, "Yup," I'll just take a drink, I'll take the medication later, and then, like, before I do it, I'm like, you know, going to the hospital.
  61.  
  62. HS
  63. Would you say you're an alcoholic?
  64.  
  65. KJ
  66. Uh...yeah.
  67.  
  68. HS
  69. Do you drink every day?
  70.  
  71. KJ
  72. Uh...yeah. I was like, this morning, like, tea or mimosa?
  73.  
  74. HS
  75. When did you start drinking, how old were you?
  76.  
  77. KJ
  78. Uh, like, fourteen.
  79.  
  80. HS
  81. Do you think-
  82.  
  83. RQ
  84. Now where do you get drinks at fourteen? Do you raid the family cabinet?
  85.  
  86. KJ
  87. My mom was a wineaholic, and I'm from Oregon; so, we have great wines in the Williamette Valley, and I had to learn how to drink wine. Sortof like how people had to learn how to like coffee. And after raiding their liquor cabinet, they realized I did so, they were like, okay, we're not going to keep any liquor in the house, so they just had wine. And I'm like, okay. So they have a nice wine collection and I would just sneak, because it's expensive, thousand dollar a bottle of wine, you know, in a nice rack...
  88.  
  89. HS
  90. Right.
  91.  
  92. KJ
  93. ...that's been around, and I would just take one each night. You know, be sitting there on my myspace, you know, I'm only a kid, this is when myspace first came out, and I would sit there with my glass of wine, and just get as drunk as I could. You know, and my mom would come down...
  94.  
  95. HS
  96. Do you think you're a drunk because your parents were heavy drinkers, and that teaches you how to drink, or do you think you just had a fucked up childhood?
  97.  
  98. KJ
  99. No, I had a great childhood. I was raised with my grandparents, I got confirmed through church...
  100.  
  101. HS
  102. You were raised by your grandparents?
  103.  
  104. KJ
  105. For a little bit.
  106.  
  107. HS
  108. Where were your parents?
  109.  
  110. KJ
  111. Well, my parents were really young. My mom, she just turned thirty nine? She's a MILF.
  112.  
  113. HS
  114. Yeah...
  115.  
  116. KJ
  117. [laughs]
  118.  
  119. HS
  120. Superhot? Was she a stripper or anything?
  121.  
  122. KJ
  123. No. My mom's only had sex with eight guys in her entire lifetime.
  124.  
  125. HS
  126. Wow.
  127.  
  128. KJ
  129. I'm like-
  130.  
  131. HS
  132. Prude.
  133.  
  134. KJ
  135. -take that times a hundred for me.
  136.  
  137. HS
  138. Did you start having sex at a real young age?
  139.  
  140. KJ
  141. No, I was almost eighteen. I was like, this is what I've been missing out on? Oh my god, I have a lot of catching up to do.
  142.  
  143. HS
  144. So, you were like a kid who came from a middle class background...
  145.  
  146. KJ
  147. Yeah.
  148.  
  149. HS
  150. You had a pretty good lifestyle.
  151.  
  152. KJ
  153. Yeah.
  154.  
  155. RQ
  156. Church girl.
  157.  
  158. HS
  159. Church girl.
  160.  
  161. KJ
  162. Church girl, and then I lived with my mom, and my mom was the one that was the drinker, but...I just...it was kindof a natural thing...just like the alcoholism, just kindof runs in the fam.
  163.  
  164. HS
  165. So when you say you were that night at Charlie Sheen's, you were scared of him. You're a girl who can fucking hold down her liquor. You're not some lightweight, you're not a lightweight.
  166.  
  167. KJ
  168. No, I'm not a lightweight. I'm only, like, ninety five pounds, and they're like, how, where do you, how do you...you know, how do you drink so much? That's why I- in some of my interviews I shared that I put Charlie to a competition, that was like, I bet I could outdrink you.
  169.  
  170. HS
  171. Yeah.
  172.  
  173. KJ
  174. He looks at me, he's like, oh no, you can't outdrink me. And his assistant, Rick, or whatever, he was like, don't challenge him, don't challenge him. Because he's already wasted-
  175.  
  176. HS
  177. Right.
  178.  
  179. KJ
  180. And I pour a whole thing of vodka, a big gigantic glass-
  181.  
  182. HS
  183. Yeah.
  184.  
  185. KJ
  186. And I'm getting ready to chug it, you know? Because I'm like, this is what's up, because I'd just arrived. And everyone's drunk except for me.
  187.  
  188. HS
  189. You wanted to catch up.
  190.  
  191. KJ
  192. I wanted to play catch-up. So, you know, before I could even put in a splash of mix, he grabs it from me and chugs the drink in, like, three seconds.
  193.  
  194. HS
  195. And he was already wasted?
  196.  
  197. KJ
  198. He was already wasted off of one, I don't know, I think he was already on a binger before I got there.
  199.  
  200. HS
  201. You know what's weird, when I go to a strip club and stuff, the move is, you go to the girls, "Aw, you can't drink that much," and then all of a sudden they go, "Yes, I can," and then they drink a lot, and then they get really wasted. He's supposed to let you drink, so that you get wasted, and you'll have some fun...but he actually wants to get wasted. It's crazy.
  202.  
  203. KJ
  204. Well, it's not crazy. We all know that Charlie likes to party. He likes to, it's like...I mean, there's people who are alcoholics-
  205.  
  206. HS
  207. But why do you think, whenever I go to a strip club there's tons of chicks there, they drink like you do.
  208.  
  209. KJ
  210. Yeah.
  211.  
  212. HS
  213. Like, massie alcoholics. What do you think it is, are you guys disgusted by the whole sex industry, like, there's some sort of thing at play, or something?
  214.  
  215. KJ
  216. No, I just...the sex thing, like...
  217.  
  218. HS
  219. You're doing something to get crazy wasted so you don't remember something...
  220.  
  221. KJ
  222. Yeah, no I think the girls at strip clubs, they do it because they're like, nervous, or, maybe they're just like, you know-
  223.  
  224. HS
  225. Bored?
  226.  
  227. KJ
  228. -they hate, or it just makes their shift go by faster, or better, or they sell better, you know, it's the hustle.
  229.  
  230. HS
  231. Right. Why do you think you drink so much, though?
  232.  
  233. KJ
  234. I've been drinking, well, I wasn't hustling at fourteen, you know, so [laughs], I just drink because I just love to get...get hammered. Get all fucking obliterated.
  235.  
  236. HS
  237. Yeah, but why do you think you like to get obliterated?
  238.  
  239. KJ
  240. It's fun.
  241.  
  242. HS
  243. Do you, but there's something behind it, to get every day obliterated.
  244.  
  245. RQ
  246. Do you wake up with hangovers or anything? I mean, isn't there a downside?
  247.  
  248. KJ
  249. I actually have a medication that's in my purse right now, they give it to people who are on chemotherapy, it's called Zofran. And you could be, I could have had a three day drink binger, where I drink bottles and bottles of alcohol, where you would think, I would have to go to the hospital, and you think you'd get sick-
  250.  
  251. HS
  252. Yeah.
  253.  
  254. KJ
  255. I don't event throw up. Nothing. Because it's this pill, prevents you from throwing up. So, it's like I cheat. So like, I'll drink this much, and they'll go, you're gonna pay for it, and I'm like, not really.
  256.  
  257. HS
  258. You must be so much fucking fun, it's crazy, right?
  259.  
  260. KJ
  261. No, yeah.
  262.  
  263. HS
  264. For a guy to hang with you, it's gotta be great.
  265.  
  266. RQ
  267. He better be ready.
  268.  
  269. KJ
  270. That's why I was the last one there, at Charlie's house.
  271.  
  272. HS
  273. Are you real particular about guys you bang and stuff, or do you bang ugly guys like me, or...
  274.  
  275. KJ
  276. [laughs] I'm not particular about who I bang...I just basically work all the time.
  277.  
  278. HS
  279. You're always in porno.
  280.  
  281. KJ
  282. Yeah. I'm just doing porn.
  283.  
  284. HS
  285. I saw some porno of you because I was kindof checking you out, and it's one where I think you pretend to be asleep, and guys are fucking you in your sleep?
  286.  
  287. KJ
  288. Yeah, I think that stuff got took down, but...
  289.  
  290. HS
  291. Why, is that against the law?
  292.  
  293. KJ
  294. Well, I think it's because it's without consent, because you're sleeping, but it's supposed to be like, a girlfriend thing.
  295.  
  296. HS
  297. I thought it was hot.
  298.  
  299. KJ
  300. I think it's hot too, because...
  301.  
  302. HS
  303. I think I might be into that. The idea of seeing that, not doing it to someone, but just, seeing it.
  304.  
  305. KJ
  306. The funny thing is, when I shot that scene, it's so hard not to laugh, because you know, they're touching you. And molesting you. And...
  307.  
  308. HS
  309. Right. You have to pretend to be asleep. What is the premise, that someone has drugged you, and they put you out?
  310.  
  311. KJ
  312. No, it's just that I'm sleeping, and that I'm just really tired, and it's like, I don't know, how I'm not supposed to have woken up...
  313.  
  314. HS
  315. Right.
  316.  
  317. KJ
  318. But...
  319.  
  320. HS
  321. So, he fucks you, and you're just sleeping through the whole fucking.
  322.  
  323. KJ
  324. Yeah.
  325.  
  326. HS
  327. Because all I saw was clips. And I liked it. I would have jerked off to it, but I couldn't figure out, like, it kept ending really fast. I had a preview.
  328.  
  329. GARY DELL'ABATE
  330. You'd have to buy it. We saw the samples to get you to buy it.
  331.  
  332. KJ
  333. You're not going to pay for shit.
  334.  
  335. GD
  336. Can I ask you, we just saw a really interesting tweet the night of the AVNs? You said that you took some pills, and...
  337.  
  338. KJ
  339. Oh yeah. [laughs]
  340.  
  341. HS
  342. What were you doing that night?
  343.  
  344. KJ
  345. Well...
  346.  
  347. HS
  348. Before we get to the Charlie Sheen stuff, because I'm fascinated.
  349.  
  350. RQ
  351. I don't know what day she got there, I don't know anything yet. Let's start from the beginning.
  352.  
  353. GD
  354. But we should talk about-
  355.  
  356. HS
  357. By the way, you're real hot.
  358.  
  359. GD
  360. Yeah.
  361.  
  362. KJ
  363. Thank you.
  364.  
  365. HS
  366. I see on that TMZ interview thing that you did, and I was like, hey, you know, I dunno, maybe you were wasted or something, but look at you now, you're very hot.
  367.  
  368. KJ
  369. Yeah, actually I wasn't wasted, I think I was just trying to do an impersonation of Charlie, and it made me look wasted.
  370.  
  371. HS
  372. Oh, maybe that was it.
  373.  
  374. KJ
  375. But, yeah, it's those cameras, with those bright lights, probably washed me out, made me look like crap.
  376.  
  377. HS
  378. Do you do anal in your films?
  379.  
  380. KJ
  381. I've just started doing anal.
  382.  
  383. HS
  384. How are you handling that?
  385.  
  386. KJ
  387. I did my first anal. I did my first anal in Jersey.
  388.  
  389. RQ
  390. Now, did Charlie give you some tips, or-
  391.  
  392. KJ
  393. Yeah. He only gave me a tip.
  394.  
  395. HS
  396. Yeah, we're going to get to all that. I got so many questions for you.
  397.  
  398. KJ
  399. So, at the AVN, AVN Vegas, okay. See, I had a ton of money.
  400.  
  401. HS
  402. Right. Where'd you get it all?
  403.  
  404. KJ
  405. [laughs, knowingly]
  406.  
  407. HS
  408. You blew some guy or something?
  409.  
  410. KJ
  411. [laughs, a "correctumundo!" laugh] No, I got, uh, I got a gripload of money, just as much as Charlie Sheen [just as much as she was paid by Charlie Sheen].
  412.  
  413. HS
  414. You had about thirty grand on you?
  415.  
  416. KJ
  417. Like, thirty five thousand.
  418.  
  419. HS
  420. Where'd you get that?
  421.  
  422. KJ
  423. I got it...overseas.
  424.  
  425. RQ
  426. Somebody paid you to party?
  427.  
  428. KJ
  429. It was just a gift.
  430.  
  431. HS
  432. Do you ever go overseas, to these rich arab dudes, who, like, you go over and they make you put you part of their sheik-
  433.  
  434. RQ
  435. Harem.
  436.  
  437. HS
  438. -harem, or whatever you call that?
  439.  
  440. KJ
  441. I dunno. [said this way: "I have no idea what you're talking about, officer."]
  442.  
  443. HS
  444. Was it Hosni Mubarak, that guy?
  445.  
  446. [laughter]
  447.  
  448. KJ
  449. No. [laughs] No, it's-
  450.  
  451. RQ
  452. Or that Italian prime minister. [Silvio Berlusconi]
  453.  
  454. HS
  455. What's the deal on that? They hire you to go over there...
  456.  
  457. KJ
  458. They just hire me to go over there and then I-
  459.  
  460. HS
  461. And then you fuck the prince, right?
  462.  
  463. KJ
  464. Who was saying- Who is saying this? [trying not to laugh]
  465.  
  466. HS
  467. I'm saying it. Because I had a girl on here who told us this whole story.
  468.  
  469. KJ
  470. Okay. It's true, and he's under investigation now, he's in a lot of trouble now, he's a pill popper, because it's against their religion to drink?
  471.  
  472. RQ
  473. Right.
  474.  
  475. HS
  476. Right.
  477.  
  478. KJ
  479. -and he gets three girls to go over there, and yeah.
  480.  
  481. HS
  482. Do you ever get nervous, they're going to kidnap you and keep you there? When you go over to these arab countries?
  483.  
  484. KJ
  485. No, I was really freaked out by all their turbans and stuff. I was like, oh my god.
  486.  
  487. HS
  488. They were fucking you with a turban on?
  489.  
  490. KJ
  491. [laughs]
  492.  
  493. HS
  494. Does that freak you out?
  495.  
  496. RQ
  497. Do they keep their turban on?
  498.  
  499. KJ
  500. No, but they have this thing, where like, when you go into the room, it has the AC on, like you're in a freezer. Because it's against their religion to have me sweat onto them.
  501.  
  502. HS
  503. You know what? This is what this girl said. Remember that girl we had in, who wrote a book about this. [I think this is Jillian Lauren, who wrote Some Girls: My Life in a Harem, about her experience as a member of the harem of the Sultan of Brunei]
  504.  
  505. RQ
  506. Who wrote the book, yeah.
  507.  
  508. HS
  509. She said it's so cold, she said she would shiver the whole time. And that's because, when you fuck a prince or something, you're not allowed to sweat on them?
  510.  
  511. KJ
  512. I'm not allowed to sweat on him. I'm like, why do you have the AC on, he wouldn't turn the AC off, and I'm sitting there, shaking. And I'm like, what the hell, can you just turn it off for a second?
  513.  
  514. HS
  515. What's the whole deal on that? So, in other words, somebody hooks you up, you fly over to this arab country, they fly you, what, on a private jet?
  516.  
  517. KJ
  518. Uh, well, he owns the airlines.
  519.  
  520. HS
  521. He owned the airline.
  522.  
  523. KJ
  524. Yeah.
  525.  
  526. HS
  527. So, you go over...
  528.  
  529. KJ
  530. First class.
  531.  
  532. HS
  533. How long you gotta stay there?
  534.  
  535. KJ
  536. Uh, I was supposed to stay there for three days...and he wouldn't let me leave till eight days.
  537.  
  538. HS
  539. He kept you over.
  540.  
  541. KJ
  542. Kept me over. Wouldn't let us leave. And it was okay, we just stayed at one of his hotels, that he owned, and I sat there, let's room service this up, let's start ordering shit we don't eat...I went to the spa, like twelve times...
  543.  
  544. HS
  545. So when they fly you, first class accommodations too, right? I mean, gorgeous rooms, the whole thing?
  546.  
  547. KJ
  548. Yeah.
  549.  
  550. RQ
  551. Sometimes they even give you shopping sprees.
  552.  
  553. KJ
  554. We stayed at the world's only seven star hotel.
  555.  
  556. HS
  557. Yeah.
  558.  
  559. KJ
  560. I forget what it was called. [Burj Al Arab] It's some...lalalala, whatever arabic jabber or whatever. But it's seven stars, that's all I know.
  561.  
  562. HS
  563. So, you go to the seven star hotel. You're there with two other chicks, right? Are you all in the same room, or different rooms?
  564.  
  565. KJ
  566. We get...it's like, two chicks per room. It was four girls...
  567.  
  568. HS
  569. Are the chicks hot? Or are you like the hottest one? Honestly. It's okay, you don't have to be humble.
  570.  
  571. RQ
  572. Are you ever going to see these girls again?
  573.  
  574. KJ
  575. One girl, uh, is a cunt, so...
  576.  
  577. HS
  578. Cunt, or smelly pussy.
  579.  
  580. KJ
  581. She just has too much plastic surgery. She's just like...
  582.  
  583. HS
  584. You were not attracted to her at all.
  585.  
  586. KJ
  587. No.
  588.  
  589. HS
  590. Personally...
  591.  
  592. KJ
  593. But the other girl, she was really nice, but she's kinda shady, kinda, she'll still screw you over for money.
  594.  
  595. HS
  596. Right.
  597.  
  598. KJ
  599. But I ended up hooking up with her, like the first night we got drunk and I was like, I don't know, I'm straight, but once in a while, how about some random lesbian fling, I'm like, the fuck's wrong with me? It's the alcohol.
  600.  
  601. HS
  602. Yeah. Absolutely. So you mean she ate you out and everything?
  603.  
  604. KJ
  605. Yeah.
  606.  
  607. HS
  608. So, wait, let me understand, back up. So you go over there, the prince or whoever the hell he is, he flies you over, you don't even meet him the first night, right?
  609.  
  610. KJ
  611. Uh, no. No, we didn't meet him for like three days.
  612.  
  613. HS
  614. Alright. So you're there, you're like, hey, this is a cush gig, because-
  615.  
  616. KJ
  617. Yeah, but we have to be back by eight pm.
  618.  
  619. HS
  620. Why?
  621.  
  622. KJ
  623. Because, in case he calls.
  624.  
  625. HS
  626. Right. You're on call.
  627.  
  628. KJ
  629. You're on call. During the day I went out, I went to Atlantis [Atlantis The Palm Hotel & Resort], and, you know, we got to go do...I went to a mosque, where I wore those robes and stuff. I did cutesy stuff during the day, but I had to be back at eight at night.
  630.  
  631. HS
  632. So were you bored out of your skull?
  633.  
  634. KJ
  635. Nah, I just drank.
  636.  
  637. HS
  638. So, you started drinking in the morning. So, the chick that you're in the room with, she was the good looking one who maybe would screw you over, but that's the one you had lesbian sex with?
  639.  
  640. KJ
  641. Yeah, she's alright, you know.
  642.  
  643. HS
  644. You went out drinking, and you're slutting around, you're having a good time, and then suddenly, you say, hey fuck it, I'm drunk, I'll have some sex with her.
  645.  
  646. KJ
  647. Yeah, we were just in the room, and fucking drinking, and just sitting there, like, we're all taking little pictures of each other, trying to tweet the photos, and because we had to keep hushhush while we were over there, we're still trying to sneak photos.
  648.  
  649. HS
  650. Did you girls just run around naked in the room the whole time? Or, like, what's the fun?
  651.  
  652. KJ
  653. Yeah, we're all walking around naked.
  654.  
  655. HS
  656. Getting all comfortable with your bodies, and you're all naked...
  657.  
  658. KJ
  659. Yeah.
  660.  
  661. HS
  662. She's naked, and you're naked, and you're talking on the bed, and taking pictures, and you're tweeting, drunk out of your mind.
  663.  
  664. KJ
  665. I'm always just like naked, I'll always rock the robe. I always have a drink in my hand, I'd have a robe that'd be open, and not even shut. I always sit on the couch, with my legs wide open, like this, like the Al Bundy.
  666.  
  667. HS
  668. Are you doing it? Like that. Because you're totally comfortable in your body.
  669.  
  670. KJ
  671. Yeah, I'm just like, just, I'm always...
  672.  
  673. HS
  674. What are you wearing today? Let me see.
  675.  
  676. KJ
  677. Well, actually, I put on a dress. But because it's so fucking cold outside...I don't know how you guys deal with this weather.
  678.  
  679. HS
  680. We don't deal well with it. Look at us. [laughter]
  681.  
  682. RQ
  683. We're falling apart.
  684.  
  685. KJ
  686. I have a dress on, but I was like, I'm going to put on pants, and then put on jacket, so I'm all bundled up.
  687.  
  688. HS
  689. Yeah, it's hard to tell what's doing there.
  690.  
  691. KJ
  692. Yeah.
  693.  
  694. HS
  695. So, wait a second, so when you're over there, I want to get to Charlie Sheen, but this is fascinating to me. So, you're over there, you're hanging out for three days, you don't see this guy, you don't even know what he looks like, right? I mean, you don't even know who you have to fuck?
  696.  
  697. KJ
  698. Well, I googled him.
  699.  
  700. HS
  701. You did? Is he gross?
  702.  
  703. KJ
  704. No, he's hot.
  705.  
  706. HS
  707. He's a good looking guy?
  708.  
  709. KJ
  710. He's hot. He has a huge dick.
  711.  
  712. HS
  713. He does?
  714.  
  715. KJ
  716. Yeah, and he's really aggressive during sex.
  717.  
  718. HS
  719. This prince?
  720.  
  721. KJ
  722. Yeah.
  723.  
  724. HS
  725. So, you're waiting around, nobody's allowed to fuck you, because you're for the prince, or for some party or something. So, what happens in the three days that you meet the prince? Like, where do you meet him?
  726.  
  727. KJ
  728. He has, like, a secret house.
  729.  
  730. HS
  731. Cool.
  732.  
  733. KJ
  734. Like a little secret hidden house.
  735.  
  736. HS
  737. Does he bring you there alone, or with the other two?
  738.  
  739. KJ
  740. I was thinking I was going to go the palace and stuff, but of course, he has to keep it on the low, and so he has this like, hang out spot. And he's obsessed with America, he has MTV...each girl was like, we're comparing our stories, he does the same routine with each girl. He makes us play games to test to see how smart we are. He like, makes us do crosswords, he wants to prove that his english is better than us.
  741.  
  742. HS
  743. Wait a sec. He walks into the room, he's dressed...are you naked? What do you have to wear to prepare for the prince?
  744.  
  745. KJ
  746. I just wore, I dunno, I wore, like, we have to cover up over there? So I wore this dress, but then I wore one of their weird arabic shawls over, and I come over, and the first thing he does is, alright, we're going to play a game.
  747.  
  748. HS
  749. Yeah.
  750.  
  751. KJ
  752. And he makes us play games. And I'm like, this is so weird, this is, I thought I was just come over-
  753.  
  754. HS
  755. And what is the game?
  756.  
  757. RQ
  758. It's like school!
  759.  
  760. HS
  761. Play the game with me. What is it?
  762.  
  763. KJ
  764. It's like- He has like a machine, from like a casino-looking, and it has these optional games, and he's like, okay, we're going to play this, and he's like, compare the photo, and figure out which one's missing, or which one's different than the other.
  765.  
  766. HS
  767. It's an IQ test.
  768.  
  769. KJ
  770. Yeah.
  771.  
  772. HS
  773. And what, what, aren't guys weird like that? Why doesn't he just fuck you, and get it over with?
  774.  
  775. KJ
  776. It's because he has so much. He has so much, and he's so fucked up.
  777.  
  778. HS
  779. That's even like when I read about the Charlie Sheen stuff that you said?
  780.  
  781. KJ
  782. Yeah.
  783.  
  784. HS
  785. Like, to me, he's got a hot chick like you there, you're partying, you're drinking, you're doing coke and everything...he's sitting and watching porno with you for two hours. First of all, who watches porno for two hours? No one.
  786.  
  787. RQ
  788. In a home theater.
  789.  
  790. HS
  791. And I'm there with a gorgeous porno chick, why am I not fucking you? I mean, you're up for it?
  792.  
  793. KJ
  794. Well, we were partying while we were watching.
  795.  
  796. HS
  797. Yeah, but still, isn't it weird, like, is he making out with you or anything while you watch the porno?
  798.  
  799. KJ
  800. No!
  801.  
  802. HS
  803. See, guys are just weird to me.
  804.  
  805. KJ
  806. Yeah-
  807.  
  808. HS
  809. Charlie Sheen, man, he's there with you!
  810.  
  811. RQ
  812. But now that you're hearing all these other experiences, this must be sorta normal to you, these guys with these crazy-
  813.  
  814. HS
  815. Honey, if I were with you for the night, and we're drinking and partying, I'm putting my penis in you, I'm not sitting there watching pornos.
  816.  
  817. RQ
  818. There isn't much party with you, Howard, before the penis comes out.
  819.  
  820. HS
  821. Yeah, you won't even know my penis. In fact, I don't need to drink. In fact, I don't want to drink. I just want to put my penis in you, then you can go drink all night without me.
  822.  
  823. RQ
  824. That is the party!
  825.  
  826. HS
  827. How's that?
  828.  
  829. KJ
  830. Uh, yeah, there's been many times where I've been having sex, and I've held onto my drink, because I'm a jack drink girl, I've had sex and kept holding onto my drink while some guy did me one time. And the TV was on in the background, I was like..."continue".
  831.  
  832. HS
  833. Wow.
  834.  
  835. KJ
  836. "Continue." That is so me.
  837.  
  838. HS
  839. Honey, that's crazy.
  840.  
  841. KJ
  842. Well, that's because I worked at the Bunny Ranch in-
  843.  
  844. HS
  845. Did you?
  846.  
  847. KJ
  848. Yeah.
  849.  
  850. HS
  851. I didn't know that. When did you work at the Bunny Ranch?
  852.  
  853. KJ
  854. Like, two years ago.
  855.  
  856. HS
  857. No kidding. Before you got into porn.
  858.  
  859. KJ
  860. Uh, no, while I was in porn. That's how I made all the money, "featuring Kacey Jordan".
  861.  
  862. HS
  863. How do you fuck these guys though...especially the real gross ones, when you're not even attracted, that's why you gotta drink.
  864.  
  865. KJ
  866. I think...No! Well, some-
  867.  
  868. HS
  869. Can you get wet from that?
  870.  
  871. KJ
  872. Um, well no, I just lube.
  873.  
  874. HS
  875. You lube up?
  876.  
  877. KJ
  878. Lots of lube.
  879.  
  880. HS
  881. Did you lube up for Charlie?
  882.  
  883. KJ
  884. No.
  885.  
  886. HS
  887. But Charlie's kinda gross, I mean, you say, he doesn't even have his own teeth.
  888.  
  889. KJ
  890. Well, he didn't have to...we didn't use lube, he just went down on me.
  891.  
  892. HS
  893. Oh, he did? He never fucked you?
  894.  
  895. KJ
  896. No, he fucked me.
  897.  
  898. HS
  899. Oh, he did?
  900.  
  901. KJ
  902. Oh, I didn't think he was going to. I didn't think we were going to fuck.
  903.  
  904. HS
  905. Because he was so high?
  906.  
  907. KJ
  908. Like, how can you be that high...and fuck? I was like, I guess it's not going to happen. And he was like...like he was, "oh my god," I think he was just like, really wanting to have sex, because he really, you know, he'd been trying to get hold of me for a year.
  909.  
  910. HS
  911. Right.
  912.  
  913. KJ
  914. Obviously, I was about to leave, this is around ten am, after partying...and he's high, higher than a fucking kite.
  915.  
  916. HS
  917. How big's his dick?
  918.  
  919. KJ
  920. It's like average.
  921.  
  922. HS
  923. Like, five inches or six inches?
  924.  
  925. KJ
  926. Like six inches.
  927.  
  928. HS
  929. Six inches. Is he thick, or does he have a little tiny, like a thin dick?
  930.  
  931. KJ
  932. No, it has a good girth. I'd say, a good average six inch dick.
  933.  
  934. HS
  935. Yeah. Which is fine, right, that's more-
  936.  
  937. KJ
  938. -at least it wasn't small. Because then I'm like, oh god.
  939.  
  940. HS
  941. Yeah, that's a bummer.
  942.  
  943. KJ
  944. Yeah.
  945.  
  946. HS
  947. You were able to come from him fucking you?
  948.  
  949. KJ
  950. No, because...it didn't last very long.
  951.  
  952. HS
  953. Oh yeah, that would be-
  954.  
  955. KJ
  956. That's the thing. Not only did he fuck, he finished.
  957.  
  958. HS
  959. Yeah, which is-
  960.  
  961. RQ
  962. In that short time!
  963.  
  964. HS
  965. Yeah, so he couldn't have been that wasted.
  966.  
  967. KJ
  968. No, he was, maybe the high...because he's so used to smoking crack?
  969.  
  970. HS
  971. No condom?
  972.  
  973. KJ
  974. Condom.
  975.  
  976. HS
  977. You made him use a condom.
  978.  
  979. KJ
  980. _He_ went and grabbed a condom.
  981.  
  982. HS
  983. Oh, he did.
  984.  
  985. KJ
  986. Yeah, I didn't have to fight him. Maybe he just didn't want any more kids.
  987.  
  988. HS
  989. But you probably would have fucked him without condom because if then you have a kid with him, it's an instant, huge payday, right?
  990.  
  991. KJ
  992. Yeah, but, I was more concerned...everyone's like, "Make sure you use a condom. It's Charlie Sheen." And I'm like, yeah, I know. I just-
  993.  
  994. HS
  995. He's been around.
  996.  
  997. KJ
  998. Yeah.
  999.  
  1000. HS
  1001. So, you know, you have the strangest life. You were dating that Britney Spears husband guy, Kevin Federline...
  1002.  
  1003. KJ
  1004. People say I was dating him...
  1005.  
  1006. HS
  1007. You weren't?
  1008.  
  1009. KJ
  1010. I never dated him. I just fucked him.
  1011.  
  1012. HS
  1013. Why? How'd you meet him?
  1014.  
  1015. KJ
  1016. Through his best friend. We lived in the same building. I lived at the Palazzo [Palazzo Communities] in West Hollywood.
  1017.  
  1018. HS
  1019. But you know what's weird? You were watching Britney Spears' kids for him...
  1020.  
  1021. KJ
  1022. Yeah.
  1023.  
  1024. RQ
  1025. WHAT!
  1026.  
  1027. HS
  1028. ...and Charlies wanted to hire you to watch his kids, right?
  1029.  
  1030. KJ
  1031. Yeah. He was like-
  1032.  
  1033. HS
  1034. Who wants you to watch, you're an alcoholic.
  1035.  
  1036. KJ
  1037. I'm like, I'm an alcoholic, why are people...that's so funny, the K-Fed story pops up, I'm like, oh my god, are you kidding me? Somebody just wanted to get their two cents, what'd they get, a hundred bucks to leak that?
  1038.  
  1039. HS
  1040. Isn't it weird that people see you, and think babysitter? The last thing I think is babysitter with you. You know what I mean?
  1041.  
  1042. KJ
  1043. I cannot babysit.
  1044.  
  1045. HS
  1046. How did you do with Federline, with Britney Spears' kids? How did you do?
  1047.  
  1048. KJ
  1049. I don't give a shit about Federline. All I cared about, when I went over there, I wanted to see Britney Spears' kids. I love Britney Spears. I was more fascinated by the kids, than Federline.
  1050.  
  1051. HS
  1052. Did you play with the kids?
  1053.  
  1054. KJ
  1055. Yeah, no, they loved going to the pool. It's- this is during the summertime. And they had like a barbeque, and everything like that.
  1056.  
  1057. HS
  1058. So did you actually babysit Britney Spears' kids?
  1059.  
  1060. KJ
  1061. Yeah, because the nanny was inside cleaning, and he was on the phone the whole time.
  1062.  
  1063. HS
  1064. Are they fun kids? Can you play drinking games and stuff with them?
  1065.  
  1066. KJ
  1067. [laughs] Uh, no. No, they're kids-
  1068.  
  1069. RQ
  1070. You're not responsible?
  1071.  
  1072. HS
  1073. You were responsible with those kids?
  1074.  
  1075. KJ
  1076. Yeah, I was responsible. There was someone else in the pool, like one of his friends were in the pool, playing with him, but I was like, kindof, taking care of the younger one. Jaden James, whatever. But the kids had a really bad bottle rot.
  1077.  
  1078. RQ
  1079. What is that?
  1080.  
  1081. HS
  1082. What is bottle rot? Oh right, from drinking a baby bottle for too long. Right?
  1083.  
  1084. KJ
  1085. And then letting them sleep with, they give them apple juice or something, and just not brushing their teeth, I don't know.
  1086.  
  1087. HS
  1088. So when did he fuck you?
  1089.  
  1090. KJ
  1091. Oh, it was like-
  1092.  
  1093. RQ
  1094. Who?
  1095.  
  1096. HS
  1097. Federline.
  1098.  
  1099. KJ
  1100. Well, he loves drinking Jack too, so he had a big Jack, Jack by the bottle. We're sitting there, I was all up till four in the morning, we're just fucking getting hammered...
  1101.  
  1102. HS
  1103. And where are the kids? In bed?
  1104.  
  1105. KJ
  1106. The kids were put in bed.
  1107.  
  1108. HS
  1109. Right.
  1110.  
  1111. RQ
  1112. Just imagine: he's the better parent.
  1113.  
  1114. HS
  1115. Yeah.
  1116.  
  1117. KJ
  1118. Yeah.
  1119.  
  1120. HS
  1121. He's the responsible one.
  1122.  
  1123. KJ
  1124. They're in bed, they're in bed, and he's sitting there, downstairs, we're sitting on his back porch, he has the baby monitor out there, and we're sitting there, drinking. Passing the bottle back and forth. And finally we go to the kids room, the kids' playroom, he like lays down a blanket, like a kids blanket, like, oh my god, we can't even go to your bedroom?
  1125.  
  1126. RQ
  1127. You do it on a kids blanket?
  1128.  
  1129. KJ
  1130. I'm like, why would I, why can't we go to your bedroom or something? Like, what's going on? So, we're doing that, and all of a sudden the baby monitor goes off. [laughter] As it's going off, he's "I'm going to finish," you know, and so he finishes, and he pulls out, uh oh. And I'm like, "What?" He's like, "I don't know where the condom went." I'm like, "Ah, fffffffffffffuck."
  1131.  
  1132. RQ
  1133. Yeah.
  1134.  
  1135. KJ
  1136. Cuz I'm not on birth control, because that shit makes me whack in the mind.
  1137.  
  1138. HS
  1139. You won't do birth control?
  1140.  
  1141. KJ
  1142. No.
  1143.  
  1144. HS
  1145. Yeah.
  1146.  
  1147. KJ
  1148. That's why, like I have, like my suitcase-
  1149.  
  1150. HS
  1151. Yeah. And you don't want Kevin Federline's kid.
  1152.  
  1153. RQ
  1154. Yeah. You might want Britney Spears' kid.
  1155.  
  1156. KJ
  1157. I didn't even care if it was going to make me [rich], I'm not going to have Kevin Federline's kid. That was my choice. But then if people said I had an abortion...
  1158.  
  1159. HS
  1160. Did you have an abortion?
  1161.  
  1162. KJ
  1163. Um no, actually I was three weeks late, and then, um, I was three weeks late, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm pregnant...
  1164.  
  1165. HS
  1166. Is this from Federline, you mean?
  1167.  
  1168. KJ
  1169. Yeah, and then, I was like, I dunno what I'm going to do, and then, two weeks later, just naturally, something-
  1170.  
  1171. HS
  1172. You miscarried.
  1173.  
  1174. KJ
  1175. I miscarried. So.
  1176.  
  1177. HS
  1178. Thank god. What, did a little lump come out of you?
  1179.  
  1180. RQ
  1181. A clot?
  1182.  
  1183. HS
  1184. Like a big clot?
  1185.  
  1186. KJ
  1187. [laughter] Oh my god.
  1188.  
  1189. HS
  1190. Eh, it's K-Fed's kid! How are you doing!
  1191.  
  1192. KJ
  1193. My god. Yeah, yeah.
  1194.  
  1195. RQ
  1196. It's K-Fed Jr.
  1197.  
  1198. KJ
  1199. I'll just-
  1200.  
  1201. HS
  1202. You'd have to get that thing aborted, I'm telling you, if you'd gotten-
  1203.  
  1204. KJ
  1205. I was going to get it aborted, like, but I had to-  Because I like to get all my abortions in Oregon? Where I'm from.
  1206.  
  1207. RQ
  1208. How many have you had?
  1209.  
  1210. KJ
  1211. Three.
  1212.  
  1213. HS
  1214. Three! You gotta be careful.
  1215.  
  1216. KJ
  1217. I know, right now-
  1218.  
  1219. HS
  1220. Any famous kids get aborted?
  1221.  
  1222. KJ
  1223. Famous kids?
  1224.  
  1225. RQ
  1226. Their fathers are famous.
  1227.  
  1228. HS
  1229. Yeah.
  1230.  
  1231. KJ
  1232. Uh....the first one was a loser from school...
  1233.  
  1234. HS
  1235. Go ahead.
  1236.  
  1237. KJ
  1238. Second one was...sugar daddy, and he was...
  1239.  
  1240. HS
  1241. Loser.
  1242.  
  1243. KJ
  1244. Disgusting. If I had a kid with him, the kid would've been-
  1245.  
  1246. HS
  1247. Ugliest kid ever?
  1248.  
  1249. [KJ makes some gesture here, that can only be guessed at.]
  1250.  
  1251. HS
  1252. Oh really?
  1253.  
  1254. RQ
  1255. [laughs]
  1256.  
  1257. KJ
  1258. [laughs] I was gonna- I'm not going to have one of those.
  1259.  
  1260. HS
  1261. So why all the abortions in Oregon? What goes on there?
  1262.  
  1263. KJ
  1264. They take good care of me when I go up there. I pay them six hundred dollars and they put me to sleep, and I wake up, and it's like it never happened.
  1265.  
  1266. HS
  1267. Right. You're free.
  1268.  
  1269. RQ
  1270. And the third one, who was that?
  1271.  
  1272. KJ
  1273. Third one was, what's his butt.
  1274.  
  1275. RQ
  1276. K-Fed?
  1277.  
  1278. KJ
  1279. Oh, had to get that- No, what's the third one? Oh, it was, I went to the Playboy Mansion, and I met this guy.
  1280.  
  1281. HS
  1282. Actor?
  1283.  
  1284. KJ
  1285. No, it wasn't an actor, it was some like, random hot- Like I would never hook up with anybody, since now I'm all about my work-
  1286.  
  1287. HS
  1288. Yeah.
  1289.  
  1290. KJ
  1291. And I'd wake up next to this guy, and I'm like...fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
  1292.  
  1293. HS
  1294. You fucked him?
  1295.  
  1296. KJ
  1297. Yeah, and then I woke up, and I was like, know what? I'm really hung over, it's times when I'm hung over, I've gotta fuck throught the hangover. So, I was like, hey, can you fuck me? And he was like, yeah, I'll do it again. I don't remember the first time.
  1298.  
  1299. HS
  1300. So, if you fuck through the hangover, it gets rid of it? I know what you mean-
  1301.  
  1302. KJ
  1303. -like five times, and then he's like...he came inside me, and I was like, "Oh no." And then it was, it should be good, I'm about to start next week anyways, and then I'm like, fuck, all of a sudden, I'm sick, and I'm, goddamnit, third time.
  1304.  
  1305. HS
  1306. Pregnant. Honey, you are fertile. You are built for sex. I gotta say, you've got some body on you. You really are. So, get back to the prince, and then we'll get to Charlie that night. So, just finishing up with the prince, so you finally get in there, he gives you the IQ test, where he's testing you out.
  1307.  
  1308. KJ
  1309. Yeah.
  1310.  
  1311. HS
  1312. Are you there with the other girls, or are you all alone?
  1313.  
  1314. KJ
  1315. We all go individually.
  1316.  
  1317. HS
  1318. Individually. So you're there alone, and finally, does he put a move on you, and say, hey honey, take your clothes off and let's get to it?
  1319.  
  1320. KJ
  1321. No, he just goes, "Okay," he's like, he's always "I promise you I beat you in anything. I beat you in any game. I love MTV, I love America," he just tries to prove, he just wants to be cool. Like, I wanna be like Eminem. And then he gives this spiel, and he brings me upstairs to the room, where it's freezing cold, and I'm like, "Can you turn it up, can you turn that down, please?"
  1322.  
  1323. HS
  1324. And he says, "No I can't because you can't sweat on me."
  1325.  
  1326. KJ
  1327. I didn't know that. He's like, oh no, I don't want to get too hot.
  1328.  
  1329. HS
  1330. Right.
  1331.  
  1332. KJ
  1333. And I didn't figure it out until someone later told me, why.
  1334.  
  1335. HS
  1336. Right.
  1337.  
  1338. KJ
  1339. And uh, so anyways, so, you know, we fuck, and he's, he's really aggressive, fucking my throat, and everything-
  1340.  
  1341. HS
  1342. Jesus. Did he see some of your movies, or he didn't know who you were?
  1343.  
  1344. KJ
  1345. He's just get sent photos, and he says pass or no pass.
  1346.  
  1347. HS
  1348. Right. And so, did he undress you, is there anything romantic about it?
  1349.  
  1350. KJ
  1351. No...it was really like, he was like, and after we were like having sex, we had sex a total of three times-
  1352.  
  1353. HS
  1354. When you have sex with this guy, and he's fucking your throat, do you to moan like he's the greatest ever-
  1355.  
  1356. KJ
  1357. I'm gagging, I'm not moaning. I'm like [gagging sounds].
  1358.  
  1359. HS
  1360. And are you like, hey dude, could you back off a little?
  1361.  
  1362. KJ
  1363. Uh...I was just trying to do the best I could...
  1364.  
  1365. HS
  1366. Right. So, when he's fucking you, do you fake an orgasm, do you go "oh my god, this is so good, ohoh"-
  1367.  
  1368. KJ
  1369. I did come with him. I didn't have to fake with him.
  1370.  
  1371. HS
  1372. Oh, you did come?
  1373.  
  1374. KJ
  1375. Yeah, he's, like I said, he's-
  1376.  
  1377. HS
  1378. Huge.
  1379.  
  1380. KJ
  1381. -and they're really aggressive, and after you're done, he'd just hold me down, like, on the bed, where I was like, can you kinda just not put me in a headlock. He would do that. He kept putting me in a headlock.
  1382.  
  1383. HS
  1384. What's that about?
  1385.  
  1386. KJ
  1387. I don't know.
  1388.  
  1389. HS
  1390. Does he use condoms?
  1391.  
  1392. KJ
  1393. He did that with every girl.
  1394.  
  1395. HS
  1396. Did he use condoms?
  1397.  
  1398. KJ
  1399. No.
  1400.  
  1401. HS
  1402. No.
  1403.  
  1404. RQ
  1405. No condoms with him!
  1406.  
  1407. HS
  1408. And you wouldn't mind getting pregnant with him, right, because that's a pay fucking day like you wouldn't-
  1409.  
  1410. KJ
  1411. I dunno, because matter of fact, if they found out I got pregnant, the guy would probably get assassinated.
  1412.  
  1413. RQ
  1414. I was going to say, you might never show up again.
  1415.  
  1416. KJ
  1417. Take the baby, and kill him.
  1418.  
  1419. HS
  1420. Yeah. I was thinking you could own Dubai, but maybe you're right. They could take the baby and kill ya.
  1421.  
  1422. RQ
  1423. Women have no power there, Howard.
  1424.  
  1425. HS
  1426. Yeah, right.
  1427.  
  1428. KJ
  1429. I would be, like...it would be...
  1430.  
  1431. RQ
  1432. There's no court to go to.
  1433.  
  1434. KJ
  1435. I would not wanna be in some robe, stuck in a room...
  1436.  
  1437. HS
  1438. Isn't it weird that these guys don't use condoms? They don't know you, they don't know what you've done, they don't know anything. They don't know if you're clean...
  1439.  
  1440. KJ
  1441. I should've used a condom because...of how many girls he sees?
  1442.  
  1443. RQ
  1444. Yeah!
  1445.  
  1446. HS
  1447. I can't believe you didn't, yeah. I can't believe you didn't make him put one on.
  1448.  
  1449. KJ
  1450. I was a little drunk.
  1451.  
  1452. HS
  1453. You were drunk, that drinking's going to do you in, I'm telling you, you've gotta back off a little bit. You think of ever going into rehab, or just, fuck that? You would never do that. Because you don't want to stop, right?
  1454.  
  1455. KJ
  1456. Well, what's the point?
  1457.  
  1458. HS
  1459. What do you mean?
  1460.  
  1461. KJ
  1462. I mean, it's not like it's ruining my life.
  1463.  
  1464. HS
  1465. You're enjoying it.
  1466.  
  1467. KJ
  1468. Yeah.
  1469.  
  1470. HS
  1471. And you're not going through your money, you're saving some money and stuff.
  1472.  
  1473. KJ
  1474. I dunno...I'm blowing some of my money.
  1475.  
  1476. HS
  1477. You are?
  1478.  
  1479. KJ
  1480. Yeah.
  1481.  
  1482. HS
  1483. What are you blowing it on?
  1484.  
  1485. KJ
  1486. Uh, well, that's what Vegas, I blew a lot in Vegas. I went to Christian Louboutin, I bought the thirty two hundred all diamond shoe. I blew all my money from Dubai and I was like, after AVN-
  1487.  
  1488. HS
  1489. So, Dubai, you get the thirty grand, does he just give it to you there?
  1490.  
  1491. KJ
  1492. Yeah. Cash.
  1493.  
  1494. HS
  1495. Cash?
  1496.  
  1497. KJ
  1498. Yeah. I had to wire it.
  1499.  
  1500. HS
  1501. No shit. Thirty grand.
  1502.  
  1503. KJ
  1504. Thirty five.
  1505.  
  1506. HS
  1507. Nice money.
  1508.  
  1509. KJ
  1510. Mmmhmm.
  1511.  
  1512. HS
  1513. And you only fucked him that once?
  1514.  
  1515. KJ
  1516. Right, that's it. And then I had a free vacation, spa...I just raped the spa. I was like, I need, I got every treatment that they offered...
  1517.  
  1518. HS
  1519. Women would rub you down, or men? You get a massage from men?
  1520.  
  1521. KJ
  1522. They're not allowed to...men are allowed to only do facials. [tries not to laugh]
  1523.  
  1524. HS
  1525. Do you ever get massages from guys-
  1526.  
  1527. RQ
  1528. Did you do some of those guys over there that were giving you a facial-
  1529.  
  1530. KJ
  1531. Yeah. [laughs]
  1532.  
  1533. HS
  1534. You did?
  1535.  
  1536. KJ
  1537. Well, that's part of the facial, right?
  1538.  
  1539. HS
  1540. Seriously, have you ever gone for a massage in a spa and a guy just fucks you in the spa?
  1541.  
  1542. KJ
  1543. I tried, I stayed at the Sunset Marquis in L.A., and they're so professional...
  1544.  
  1545. HS
  1546. Right.
  1547.  
  1548. KJ
  1549. ...and I had some mimosas, and I'm going to go to the spa, and I get there, and I'm naked, and he's going up around my butt-
  1550.  
  1551. HS
  1552. Are you totally naked, do you wear a towel over you or anything?
  1553.  
  1554. KJ
  1555. Like, most girls wear underwear, they know before the massage...I took mine off. And I was like- The guy was _hot_.
  1556.  
  1557. HS
  1558. Because you're supposed to wear a towel, right?
  1559.  
  1560. KJ
  1561. Yeah, well, he had a towel on me, covering me, and then when he would get up on my butt, I would kindof, he would get in, like in-between my thighs, and I would kinda scoot down on purpose, to try and kinda hit me, down there, and I was trying to see-
  1562.  
  1563. HS
  1564. And the guy wouldn't do it?
  1565.  
  1566. KJ
  1567. They had to be professional. I mean, he accidentally hit it, but he was like, "Oh, I'm so sorry."
  1568.  
  1569. HS
  1570. "Sorry I touched your vagina."
  1571.  
  1572. KJ
  1573. I was like, "Oh, it's okay!"
  1574.  
  1575. HS
  1576. So, the night of the Charlie Sheen, you were down...you had spent all of your thirty five thousand dollars. Do you have any money in savings, or you don't live that way?
  1577.  
  1578. KJ
  1579. I mean, I have all my money right now. I have...a good amount of money right now.
  1580.  
  1581. HS
  1582. Do you have half a million, do you have a hundred thousand, what do you have?
  1583.  
  1584. KJ
  1585. I'd say around a hundred.
  1586.  
  1587. HS
  1588. You have around a hundred.
  1589.  
  1590. KJ
  1591. I've probably made over a million dollars in my career.
  1592.  
  1593. HS
  1594. But you spend it as quick as you make it.
  1595.  
  1596. KJ
  1597. Well, when you live in L.A., it's just like, oh my god, everything's so expensive, I wanna go back and live in Oregon. Because we have no sales tax, we-
  1598.  
  1599. HS
  1600. Why don't you save up a bunch of money from all this stuff you're up to, and then buy a house in Oregon? And have it there for when you retire?
  1601.  
  1602. KJ
  1603. Oh god, all the way up in git er done town...yeah, right.
  1604.  
  1605. HS
  1606. Are you a happy person, or are you suicidal or anything like that?
  1607.  
  1608. KJ
  1609. Uh...I'm a happy person. I just like...when I get really drunk, like AVN, after a five day drinking binge, and everyone left...um, you know, it was like my third attempt at taking a bunch of Xanax, whatever.
  1610.  
  1611. HS
  1612. What, killing yourself?
  1613.  
  1614. KJ
  1615. Just, I dunno, I just wanted to go to sleep.
  1616.  
  1617. HS
  1618. Ah, so you wanted to kill yourself.
  1619.  
  1620. KJ
  1621. Ah.
  1622.  
  1623. HS
  1624. Oy vey. That's heavy stuff. You're not seeing a psychiatrist, or anything for that?
  1625.  
  1626. KJ
  1627. No, because actually I don't want to die.
  1628.  
  1629. GD
  1630. Wait a sec, Howard, can I just say something? In the tweet, didn't you say, what did it say, Will...[Will: "I'm killing myself."] "I'm killing myself."
  1631.  
  1632. KJ
  1633. Yeah.
  1634.  
  1635. HS
  1636. What was that about?
  1637.  
  1638. KJ
  1639. It's just...I think I'd had enough, I'd ran out of all of money from Dubai.
  1640.  
  1641. HS
  1642. Are you afraid though, when you get, like, you know, when you drink this much, you get, say you wrinkle early, you get all fucked up, you lose your looks and all that, are you worried about the day you lose your looks?
  1643.  
  1644. KJ
  1645. Nah...I'm getting plastic surgery.
  1646.  
  1647. HS
  1648. Oh, you got-
  1649.  
  1650. KJ
  1651. By the time I actually go, there'll be some kindof crazed technology where when I'm eighty, I'm going to look twenty.
  1652.  
  1653. RQ
  1654. So you just hope technology stays ahead of you?
  1655.  
  1656. KJ
  1657. Yeah. Exactly.
  1658.  
  1659. HS
  1660. How old are you, you're like twenty two?
  1661.  
  1662. KJ
  1663. I'm twenty two.
  1664.  
  1665. HS
  1666. So...anyway. The night with Charlie Sheen...how do you end up with that house with him? He's a fan of yours-
  1667.  
  1668. RQ
  1669. Yeah, how did you get invited to the party?
  1670.  
  1671. KJ
  1672. Well, the girl Melanie [Melanie Rios], my nose is still fucked up.
  1673.  
  1674. HS
  1675. Do you do a lot of coke, or do you just saying you don't because, um-
  1676.  
  1677. KJ
  1678. No, I don't, because actually I have anxiety disorder. [to stagehand] Thanks. It's still messed up from that night. I don't...I can't do it because I have anxiety disorder, that's why I have Xanax in the first place.
  1679.  
  1680. HS
  1681. Right.
  1682.  
  1683. KJ
  1684. So, the whole time I was at Charlie's house, I'm sitting there, and he's blowing smoke into my mouth, smoking the cocaine, blowing it into my mouth, I'm sitting there, taking Xanax pieces like...oh my god, oh my god...
  1685.  
  1686. HS
  1687. So were you like turned on that you got invited to Charlie Sheen's house, because you had heard that he treats girls really well, sometimes he'll pay them a whole bunch of dough-
  1688.  
  1689. RQ
  1690. Buy them cars, and all that stuff.
  1691.  
  1692. HS
  1693. And I guess you knew also that he had that dream of setting up a house where he gets a thirty six thousand square foot house-
  1694.  
  1695. KJ
  1696. I was part of that whole spiel.
  1697.  
  1698. HS
  1699. You were part of that, right?  So, you were probably excited about going to Charlie Sheen's house?
  1700.  
  1701. KJ
  1702. That deal was made in the last couple days. This wasn't an on-going plan. This plan came within the binge. And when he's serious, and he wants something, all of his enablers are all, okay, we're going to do whatever he says, because what is he worth, three hundred and eighty million? So...
  1703.  
  1704. HS
  1705. Isn't it exciting to go to a guy's house-
  1706.  
  1707. RQ
  1708. Isn't it wild that he has people who will just, we gotta go find this porn star _now_.
  1709.  
  1710. KJ
  1711. Yeah. It's like, I want her.  He's like- He wanted to see me a year ago, but I got on the phone with him a year ago, and I didn't think he was actually going to remember this, he was like, I wanna see you, I wanna see you...it was a mutual friend? Then, like three days later, he enters re-hab, and I'm like, okay, I'm never going to see this guy, and he gets married, and has kids again, and I'm like, okay, and I'm just like, whatever, and all of a sudden, I get this phone call.
  1712.  
  1713. HS
  1714. Right.
  1715. KJ
  1716. Monday. Like, you know, "Charlie wants to see you." Like, you know, so I show up and I'm like, okay...
  1717.  
  1718. HS
  1719. Are you dressed really hot when you show up there?
  1720.  
  1721. KJ
  1722. Yeah, I'm like, what am I going to wear, okay, I'm going to look really slutty, because I'm being a slut.
  1723.  
  1724. HS
  1725. What's your sluttiest outfit?
  1726.  
  1727. KJ
  1728. I dunno, it's some skirt, I dunno, it's an outfit I got in Miami. It's just hot.
  1729.  
  1730. HS
  1731. Yeah. And so you go over, and there's a whole bunch of girls already there, partying with him, right?
  1732.  
  1733. KJ
  1734. Yeah, there's a bunch of random girls, but they all look like, they were all run down, they'd been with him for a long time, they were tired of [his] behavior, but I go in, and he's "Oh my god!"
  1735.  
  1736. HS
  1737. Right. You're fresh meat.
  1738.  
  1739. KJ
  1740. "Kacey!" He's like, "Kacey! I can't believe it's you. Do you remember that phone call? From a year ago?" I'm like, "Yeah." He's like, "I have all your scenes memorized." From films. He's like, "I'm going to tell you a scene, from beginning to finish." It's okay, it's okay. I believe you.
  1741.  
  1742. HS
  1743. You don't even remember them.
  1744.  
  1745. KJ
  1746. I don't even remember my scenes. He's like, "Okay, this is what happened." I listen to one of my scenes, I'm like, "Okay."
  1747.  
  1748. HS
  1749. And now you're already bored. When guys are high, and you're not...
  1750.  
  1751. KJ
  1752. He wasn't even high, he's just drunk at this point.
  1753.  
  1754. HS
  1755. Right.
  1756.  
  1757. KJ
  1758. Because they ran out of drugs the night before. So now he's drunk again.
  1759.  
  1760. HS
  1761. He drinks every day probably. And gets high every single fucking day. I mean, it's one non-stop party with this guy. Isn't it a miracle he's still alive?
  1762.  
  1763. KJ
  1764. I don't know how he was...
  1765.  
  1766. HS¸
  1767. How does he function at work?
  1768.  
  1769. RQ
  1770. What a constitution.
  1771.  
  1772. HS¸
  1773. How does he function at work? I mean, how can he possibly go to work and clean up and do that TV show?
  1774.  
  1775. RQ
  1776. He doesn't clean up, he just does the TV show.
  1777.  
  1778. HS
  1779. How does he do that? How does he memorize lines, he's so fucked up.
  1780.  
  1781. KJ
  1782. I have no idea-
  1783.  
  1784. HS
  1785. He's a goddamn superman.
  1786.  
  1787. RQ
  1788. He remembered her scene, obviously, he has an incredible memory.
  1789.  
  1790. KJ
  1791. His eyes were halfway shut, wine stains all over him, all drunk. He's...I'm like, how is this guy functioning and getting details, and you know, at that time, when I first saw him, you know when I first came over, it was when we did the alcohol contest, and who could drink more, and don't do that with him, and like, don't...you know, his guys.
  1792.  
  1793. HS
  1794. So you had the drinking contest, you hung out with him, are you dressed at this point, or are you, does he want you naked, hanging out?
  1795.  
  1796. KJ
  1797. No, I'm dressed. And all the other girls start to leave, because all the lonely girls got pissed off when I showed up, because he ignored all of the rest of the girls.
  1798.  
  1799. HS
  1800. They can't just hang and let him have fun-
  1801.  
  1802. KJ
  1803. He's like, "You're Kasey, Kasey my favorite."
  1804.  
  1805. RQ
  1806. Are there any other guys, or is it just Charlie and all these women?
  1807.  
  1808. KJ
  1809. It was just Charlie, his real estate agent, who just signed for that twenty million dollar house agreement, where the guy leaves for Thailand, and he's going to rent the house, for two fifty a month, where we're all going to live in this house, so that real estate agent-
  1810.  
  1811. HS
  1812. So, it's Charlie and another guy, and boy, he- Charlie's smart though, he doesn't share the girls with anybody, he wants you to himself.
  1813.  
  1814. KJ
  1815. Yeah. There's no other guy. The only other guys there was Rick, his assistant.
  1816.  
  1817. HS
  1818. Take me through the night, so I understand this. You do the drinking contest thing, he of course beats you because he can beat anyone, and you're no lightweight, but nonetheless, he can beat you at a drinking contest...you get pretty high from drinking, and then there's no coke, but then some guy comes over, I read, with a leather satchel, he has a whole bunch of coke-
  1819.  
  1820. KJ
  1821. Oh my god.
  1822.  
  1823. HS
  1824. Like twenty grand worth of coke, big fucking hunks of coke...
  1825.  
  1826. KJ
  1827. Like tennis ball size. Like just-
  1828.  
  1829. HS
  1830. Like Scarface. He lives like Scarface.
  1831.  
  1832. KJ
  1833. That's what I said. I said I felt like I was in Scarface. He puts it on the table, and he takes away, he throws it, he's "Here you go. Have one." I'm like, "No thanks." Because I'm like, if I get pulled over, I'm getting life, just carrying one of these things. Why do you need a lifetime supply of coke? I'm like, obviously, it's just going to continue and continue and continue...
  1834.  
  1835. HS
  1836. The weird thing is, after he gets all wasted and shit on the coke and drinking, then you go down to the theater to watch porno.
  1837.  
  1838. KJ
  1839. Yeah.
  1840.  
  1841. HS
  1842. But not your pornos.
  1843.  
  1844. KJ
  1845. We're critiquing pornos.
  1846.  
  1847. HS
  1848. Are you bored out of your skull?
  1849.  
  1850. KJ
  1851. I just, I had a drink in my hand, and I sat there...
  1852.  
  1853. HS
  1854. So you're sitting in the theater...
  1855.  
  1856. KJ
  1857. Mmmmhmmm. He's sitting there with his pipe.
  1858.  
  1859. HS
  1860. Yeah. He's got you, he's ready to go and have fun, but he puts on pornos, and he starts to give you a detailed explanation of pornos. Like, he has the world's largest porno collection, you said.
  1861.  
  1862. KJ
  1863. Yeah. Loves porno. Porn, alcohol, and cocaine. Those are his, like...
  1864.  
  1865. HS
  1866. I mean, I watch porno, I can last five minutes watching porn. It's like, there's a purpose to watching porn. I want to beat off, and be done with it. I don't watch porn to watch porn-
  1867.  
  1868. KJ
  1869. I know. I was a little bored with the porn thing. I was trying to make, like I said, I was trying to make the best of everything. I was drunk, and I'm like-
  1870.  
  1871. HS
  1872. Were you making out with him or anything during it?
  1873.  
  1874. KJ
  1875. No. We were like-
  1876.  
  1877. HS
  1878. Nothing.
  1879.  
  1880. KJ
  1881. We were sitting in movie theater chairs, sitting next to each other, I ended up passing out, I ended up falling asleep, he was like, "Hey. Wake up." And I'm like, "What?" and he comes over, and he goes, [her imitating sound of blowing smoke]-
  1882.  
  1883. HS
  1884. He blows the smoke at you.
  1885.  
  1886. KJ
  1887. Yeah, and I'm like, okay, I'm awake, yeah.
  1888.  
  1889. HS
  1890. Why can't people go to sleep when they're high? Why's that such a bad thing?
  1891.  
  1892. RQ
  1893. Why does he have to keep it going?
  1894.  
  1895. HS
  1896. Why can't you take a nap, and then wake up, and be refreshed?
  1897.  
  1898. KJ
  1899. I know, I'd think if I'm going to live at this party house, I'm like, oh my god.
  1900.  
  1901. HS
  1902. When does he tell you that whole plan?
  1903.  
  1904. KJ
  1905. That's the beginning of the night.
  1906.  
  1907. HS
  1908. His whole plan. He has a master plan.
  1909.  
  1910. KJ
  1911. He's like, you're an amazing blonde. This is what we're going to do. He's like, I've got this girl Bentley, I don't know if it was his Bentley, and he said, here you go, you can have it, and he was like, what do you want? And I'm like, "Give me a Bentley."
  1912.  
  1913. HS
  1914. Right.
  1915.  
  1916. KJ
  1917. And he's like, done. What else do you want? Like, uh, well a car's pretty nice, and I'm pretty content with that, and he says, "Well, you'll be taken care with money, anything you ever want, and if you want something, let me know, it'll be done with in an hour."
  1918.  
  1919. HS
  1920. So he's going to buy a house, and like Noah's ark, he's going to load it up with a blonde, a brunette, and he's going to have one of-
  1921.  
  1922. KJ
  1923. He's going to have like a Playboy Mansion.
  1924.  
  1925. HS
  1926. He's going to have like a Playboy Mansion. And you guys are going to live there, and whenever he wants to fuck you, you'll be there, but you'll be well compensated.
  1927.  
  1928. KJ
  1929. Yeah.
  1930.  
  1931. HS
  1932. You'll have Bentleys, you'll have- That's his game plan.
  1933.  
  1934. KJ
  1935. That was his game plan.
  1936.  
  1937. HS
  1938. He's like a thirteen year old boy.
  1939.  
  1940. KJ
  1941. And he signed. He signed, that's what the real estate agent was there [for]. He signed the agreement that night.
  1942.  
  1943. HS
  1944. Wow. To rent this house. And where is this house?
  1945.  
  1946. KJ
  1947. The house is on 1310 Mulholland Estates, uh...
  1948.  
  1949. HS
  1950. That's the one he wants to buy.
  1951.  
  1952. KJ
  1953. Yeah, it's like, from George Ballblah [George Santo Pietro, ex-husband of Vanna White; source: "Coke, Hookers, Hospital, Repeat" by Amy Wallace http://www.gq.com/entertainment/celebrities/201103/charlie-sheen-amy-wallace?printable=true], I don't know his last name.
  1954.  
  1955. HS
  1956. Ballbuster? George Ballbuster?
  1957.  
  1958. KJ
  1959. [laughs] Yeah.
  1960.  
  1961. HS
  1962. So Charlie had this master plan to buy...
  1963.  
  1964. RQ
  1965. And he's already gotten the house. He's got the house.
  1966.  
  1967. HS
  1968. What a fucking plan that is. That's some goddamn plan.
  1969.  
  1970. KJ
  1971. I was like, even okay, I don't know if he's going to really go through with this, but at that moment, I was like-
  1972.  
  1973. HS
  1974. Could be fun.
  1975.  
  1976. KJ
  1977. I'm down. Because I'm like, I could drink every day. But then I didn't know he smoked the coke. I'm like, my god, imagine me living in this house, I'm probably going to O.D. every day.
  1978.  
  1979. HS
  1980. Yeah. I mean, your drinking is out of control now. Imagine when you live in the house, with the drinking, and you'll probably get hooked on coke-
  1981.  
  1982. RQ
  1983. -and the coke, and the Xanax, and the this, and the that-
  1984.  
  1985. HS
  1986. Because that's going to happen, there's so much coke around.
  1987.  
  1988. KJ
  1989. Good god. It was like-
  1990.  
  1991. HS
  1992. Do you think he's out of control?
  1993.  
  1994. KJ
  1995. Yes. [laughs]
  1996.  
  1997. HS
  1998. You do?
  1999.  
  2000. KJ
  2001. I've never met anybody...I mean, I've had my share of, I mean, I'm an alcoholic, I've seen, you know, my face, my family members, I've never _seen_...it's like it's almost...even like a movie, like, it's worse than Scarface.
  2002.  
  2003. HS
  2004. Wow.
  2005. KJ
  2006. He could outdo Scarface times ten.
  2007.  
  2008. HS
  2009. Do you admire him in some way? Like, he's the most-
  2010.  
  2011. RQ
  2012. He's the king.
  2013.  
  2014. HS
  2015. -he's the greatest drug taker, better than Keith Richards-
  2016.  
  2017. KJ
  2018. I just think, it was attractive, you know, I knew he was some bad boy and, you know, he's cool. Like, he's cool. I like guys, people who can party and keep up with me. But he was just, like...
  2019.  
  2020. HS
  2021. He's too much for you.
  2022.  
  2023. KJ
  2024. It was too much. There's no way anybody...Charlie Sheen is the king, no one can outbeat him. Nobody that I've ever-
  2025.  
  2026. HS
  2027. Do you like him?
  2028.  
  2029. KJ
  2030. I like him, I like Charlie. I had fun.
  2031.  
  2032. HS
  2033. When you say he takes his teeth, his teeth are completely gone-
  2034.  
  2035. RQ
  2036. What does that mean?
  2037.  
  2038. HS
  2039. -is that gross?
  2040.  
  2041. KJ
  2042. Well, he had teeth, but they were gold. Mostly gold.
  2043.  
  2044. HS
  2045. They're gold?
  2046.  
  2047. KJ
  2048. Gold teeth.
  2049.  
  2050. HS
  2051. How come we don't see that on TV though?
  2052.  
  2053. KJ
  2054. Well, he has, he must have veneers or press-ons.
  2055.  
  2056. HS
  2057. When you went in there, you just saw gold teeth.
  2058.  
  2059. KJ
  2060. I guess they look like Lil Jon. Yee-ah.
  2061.  
  2062. HS
  2063. And the reason for that, the reason for the gold teeth is they're easier to eat with and stuff, because they stay in your head?
  2064.  
  2065. KJ
  2066. I dunno. It's like his teeth, like his whole tooth was gold. It wasn't just gold-
  2067.  
  2068. HS
  2069. Do you think that's from coke?
  2070.  
  2071. KJ
  2072. It's from drugs. I know it's from his teeth falling out.
  2073.  
  2074. HS
  2075. Is he still handsome? Or does he look really bad?
  2076. KJ
  2077. Well, when his teeth are out, I was like, oooooohhhh. And the wine stains...
  2078.  
  2079. RQ
  2080. So, he can take them out?
  2081.  
  2082. HS
  2083. He can take his teeth out.
  2084.  
  2085. KJ
  2086. Oh no...what he had is his permanent teeth. I think what he does for a show, is they put on temporaries, so to cover the gold.
  2087.  
  2088. RQ
  2089. Ooooooooooooohhhh, I see.
  2090.  
  2091. HS
  2092. So when he has his teeth out and they're all gold, it's kinda gross.
  2093.  
  2094. KJ
  2095. Yeah, well it's...
  2096.  
  2097. RQ
  2098. Yikes.
  2099. HS
  2100. Does he smell, because he's all partied up and everything? He must have bad breath and a smelly body.
  2101.  
  2102. KJ
  2103. He just reeks, like of booze. You know, he doesn't stink or anything like that.
  2104.  
  2105. HS
  2106. When does he finally fuck you, after two hours of watching porn?
  2107.  
  2108. KJ
  2109. Uh, actually, it's like twenty minutes before I left. He's like- I was like, "Okay, I have to go in an hour."
  2110.  
  2111. HS
  2112. Right.
  2113. KJ
  2114. And he was like, that's when he really wanted to try...and I helped him out, you know, a little bit, try to get him hard.
  2115.  
  2116. RQ
  2117. It was hard getting it up?
  2118.  
  2119. HS
  2120. What does he say? "Hey wait, please, don't go, I wanna fuck you"?
  2121.  
  2122. KJ
  2123. No, he didn't say that.
  2124.  
  2125. HS
  2126. Did he come over and piss you?
  2127.  
  2128. KJ
  2129. No, he was really affectionate. He was actually passionate and everything. And I'm like, how can you be passionate, like, if I'm high, I'm like, "Don't touch me." Don't touch me, you know? But I was okay at that point, like, because I was starting to refuse the continuation, like trampling into my mouth.
  2130.  
  2131. HS
  2132. How does he get you naked, though first? Does he just rip your clothes-
  2133.  
  2134. KJ
  2135. I was already naked because we were in his bathroom for two hours doing drugs.
  2136.  
  2137. HS
  2138. Oh, doing drugs, and you got naked in there.
  2139.  
  2140. KJ
  2141. Yeah, and we were-
  2142.  
  2143. HS
  2144. How come you guys wouldn't get in a tub with him? What was that about?
  2145.  
  2146. KJ
  2147. Well, we got in a shower because we were sweating from all the fucking drugs.
  2148.  
  2149. HS
  2150. But it said at some point the girls would not get in a tub with him. There were girls around in a tub, did you say anything about that?
  2151.  
  2152. RQ
  2153. Were you a part of that?
  2154.  
  2155. HS
  2156. Do you know anything about that?
  2157.  
  2158. KJ
  2159. No.
  2160.  
  2161. HS
  2162. You don't even remember that, probably.
  2163.  
  2164. KJ
  2165. No, we went in the shower.
  2166.  
  2167. HS
  2168. You went in the shower. So, you showered with him...
  2169.  
  2170. KJ
  2171. Showered.
  2172.  
  2173. HS
  2174. Right. And then you're naked, and you get out-
  2175.  
  2176. KJ
  2177. We all get robes on.
  2178.  
  2179. HS
  2180. And then what'd you do, he-
  2181.  
  2182. KJ
  2183. We go back to his bedroom, and we just sit there, and I'm sitting there with my drink, and he's sitting there, and hitting his-
  2184.  
  2185. HS
  2186. Pipe.
  2187.  
  2188. KJ
  2189. His pipe. And-
  2190.  
  2191. HS
  2192. And you blew him.
  2193.  
  2194. KJ
  2195. I blew him. He went down on me for a while. And then he-
  2196.  
  2197. HS
  2198. Was he any good at it?
  2199.  
  2200. KJ
  2201. Yeah.
  2202.  
  2203. HS
  2204. He must be. He's so into it.
  2205.  
  2206. KJ
  2207. Yeah. He's really- Because that's what I'm known for in porn, my fat pussy.
  2208.  
  2209. HS
  2210. Yeah, what is up with your pussy?
  2211.  
  2212. RQ
  2213. Whaaaat.
  2214.  
  2215. HS
  2216. Your fat pussy.
  2217.  
  2218. KJ
  2219. It's puffy.
  2220.  
  2221. HS
  2222. But...can you show me that? What is that? What do you mean, puffy pussy? I've never seen that. What is that?
  2223.  
  2224. KJ
  2225. It's like, it's like-
  2226.  
  2227. HS
  2228. Let me see-
  2229.  
  2230. KJ
  2231. Wanna see?
  2232.  
  2233. HS
  2234. If you don't mind. Unless you're uptight about it. I don't want to put you on the spot.
  2235.  
  2236. KJ
  2237. Uptight.
  2238.  
  2239. RQ
  2240. [laughs]
  2241.  
  2242. HS
  2243. Boy, you're really thin, what do you weigh?
  2244.  
  2245. KJ
  2246. Ninety five.
  2247.  
  2248. HS
  2249. Yeah, you're in good shape. How tall are you?
  2250.  
  2251. KJ
  2252. Not as tiny as Little Lupe.
  2253.  
  2254. HS
  2255. Right. Did you have a threesome with Little Lupe and her husband?
  2256.  
  2257. KJ
  2258. Of course.
  2259.  
  2260. HS and RQ [at same time]
  2261. YOU DID?!
  2262.  
  2263. HS
  2264. I thought so. Is she good looking? Are you attracted to her?
  2265.  
  2266. [soundboard samples of Little Lupe]
  2267.  
  2268. KJ
  2269. I heard that.
  2270.  
  2271. HS
  2272. Let me see your puffy pussy for a minute. Let me see that. Let me see that. Oh yeah, let me see...I dunno, it doesn't look puffy.
  2273.  
  2274. RQ
  2275. It doesn't look puffy to you?
  2276.  
  2277. KJ
  2278. Especially after I get fucked? Oh, there are so many scenes where, Pussy Pumps Night...
  2279.  
  2280. RQ
  2281. Pussy Pumps?
  2282.  
  2283. KJ
  2284. Pussy Pumps.
  2285.  
  2286. HS
  2287. So what do you mean, you went over- You got some body on you. I didn't realize. Maron. You don't eat, do you?
  2288.  
  2289. KJ
  2290. Yeah, of course I eat. I love eating steaks. Steak and Jack. God, I-
  2291.  
  2292. HS
  2293. Do you work out at all? I mean with all the drinking you do-
  2294.  
  2295. RQ
  2296. Oh, come on! What are you talking about, work out.
  2297.  
  2298. HS
  2299. Do you work out?
  2300.  
  2301. KJ
  2302. No.
  2303.  
  2304. HS
  2305. You're so thin.
  2306.  
  2307. KJ
  2308. It's called being hung over all the time. You don't want to eat.
  2309.  
  2310. HS
  2311. Is that right? So do you vomit if you eat too much?
  2312.  
  2313. KJ
  2314. No, I don't. I have a fear of throwing up, that's why I take these pills...
  2315.  
  2316. HS
  2317. You got some body on you. That's a gift. Don't throw that away.
  2318.  
  2319. KJ
  2320. [laughs] No, I can't- I actually get no fat genes. I'm built like my grandma, she's petite, and I don't get any bigger than this, I just stay the same. I can eat whatever I want.
  2321.  
  2322. HS
  2323. And so, what were we talking about? You were saying, you were up to...oh, you had a threesome with Lupe? How's she in bed? Is she any good?
  2324.  
  2325. KJ
  2326. Lupe's the best.
  2327.  
  2328. HS
  2329. Is she?
  2330.  
  2331. KJ
  2332. Yeah.
  2333.  
  2334. HS
  2335. She went down on you?
  2336.  
  2337. KJ
  2338. Oh, god-
  2339.  
  2340. HS
  2341. You went down on her?
  2342.  
  2343. KJ
  2344. Yeah, we've gone down- Well, I've done- I did it for her website.
  2345.  
  2346. HS
  2347. Oh, I see.
  2348.  
  2349. KJ
  2350. But when we hook up, it's just like, you know-
  2351.  
  2352. HS
  2353. And Evan [Evan Seinfeld, her husband] fucked you?
  2354.  
  2355. KJ
  2356. Yeah.
  2357.  
  2358. HS
  2359. Her husband?
  2360.  
  2361. KJ
  2362. Yeah.
  2363.  
  2364. HS
  2365. And no big deal, right?
  2366.  
  2367. KJ
  2368. No, they always have...
  2369.  
  2370. HS
  2371. Geez, what a scene. I mean, I lead a very straight lifestyle. I've got my wife and we just hang out, and we watch "The Bachelor", and that's it-
  2372.  
  2373. KJ
  2374. Watch porn. [laughs]
  2375.  
  2376. HS
  2377. No, I mean- Rarely. I mean, you could never live a straight life, right? You could never go back to Oregon and just hang out with one guy...
  2378.  
  2379. RQ
  2380. What are you going to do?
  2381.  
  2382. KJ
  2383. Actually, Charlie got my sloppy seconds that night too, actually, when he went down on me, because I'd shot a porn scene right before I went over to his house, I'd shot a porn scene-
  2384.  
  2385. RQ
  2386. Oh really!
  2387.  
  2388. KJ
  2389. Yeah, it's on pornhub.com. It says "Charlie's sloppy seconds".
  2390.  
  2391. HS
  2392. No kidding?
  2393.  
  2394. KJ
  2395. Yeah. What is with this guy, how does he not have every disease in the book, I mean, he doesn't, he's with everyone, right?
  2396.  
  2397. RQ
  2398. And no condom with him, right?
  2399.  
  2400. KJ
  2401. With Charlie? Charlie was a condom.
  2402.  
  2403. HS
  2404. He put one on.
  2405.  
  2406. KJ
  2407. The prince was not a condom.
  2408.  
  2409. HS
  2410. But when he's going down on you, he doesn't know if you've got herps, or anything, right?
  2411.  
  2412. KJ
  2413. Uh...I dunno.
  2414.  
  2415. HS
  2416. He doesn't even ask, he just goes right down.
  2417.  
  2418. KJ
  2419. Just went down.
  2420.  
  2421. RQ
  2422. But she must have gone down on him too, right?
  2423.  
  2424. KJ
  2425. Yeah.
  2426.  
  2427. HS
  2428. You must give some blow job, I mean, you're an expert, right?
  2429.  
  2430. KJ
  2431. Hey. If I can get it up with someone that high-
  2432.  
  2433. HS
  2434. You're pretty good. And what do you do, you're sitting there and licking with tongue and the whole thing, how long do you blow this guy for?
  2435.  
  2436. KJ
  2437. [laughs]
  2438.  
  2439. HS
  2440. I mean, do you get exhausted blowing him?
  2441.  
  2442. KJ
  2443. It's like, you grab the balls, and then you grab the base, and then you just kindof feed it in there. [the incredibly annoying soundboard plays a sound of someone sucking a dick] Exactly.
  2444.  
  2445. HS
  2446. And then, so, how long do you work his penis before it gets hard?
  2447.  
  2448. KJ
  2449. Um, I got it up, in like, five minutes?
  2450.  
  2451. HS
  2452. Oh, so five minutes of blowing...
  2453.  
  2454. KJ
  2455. But then he would put on the condom, and it goes back down again. Goddamnit, and then I'd go back and work on it again, but then I got it up-
  2456.  
  2457. HS
  2458. It's like pulling on taffy.
  2459.  
  2460. KJ
  2461. Yeah.
  2462.  
  2463. HS
  2464. And so you worked on it some more...
  2465.  
  2466. KJ
  2467. I worked on it some more, I got the condom on, and soon as he started fucking me, it was like, it was hard, and then a couple of minutes later, boop boooo.
  2468.  
  2469. HS
  2470. And you didn't come, because it was too quick.
  2471.  
  2472. KJ
  2473. It was too quick, and I was fucked up.
  2474.  
  2475. HS
  2476. Yeah, you were completely wasted.
  2477.  
  2478. KJ
  2479. I was just like, okay...
  2480.  
  2481. HS
  2482. You are something else.
  2483.  
  2484. KJ
  2485. [laughs]
  2486.  
  2487. HS
  2488. You are something else. You are some girl.
  2489.  
  2490. RQ
  2491. So, what have you been doing since then? You've been doing interviews since then?
  2492.  
  2493. KJ
  2494. Well, I went home, and uh, I was like, you know, I had my driver pick me up, with a thirty thousand dollar cheque, I went straight to the bank to cash it-
  2495.  
  2496. HS
  2497. Yeah, so he says to you, he was supposed to give you five grand, right to come party with him?
  2498.  
  2499. KJ
  2500. I was like, "Hey, are you going to pay me?" He was like, "Yeahyeahyeah, I'm going to pay you." And I was like, it's five grand or whatever. He grabs a checkbook, "Okay...twenty five grand, twenty five grand?" And I'm like, "Yeah." And he's like, "Ah, we're going to make it thirty."
  2501.  
  2502. HS
  2503. Woah.
  2504.  
  2505. KJ
  2506. And I'm just, all-
  2507.  
  2508. HS
  2509. "THANK YOU!"
  2510.  
  2511. KJ
  2512. Dat da da da!
  2513.  
  2514. HS
  2515. Some people don't make that a year.
  2516.  
  2517. KJ
  2518. He's like, "Cash." He's like, go to the bank now, blah blah. I go straight to the bank.
  2519.  
  2520. HS
  2521. You're damn right.
  2522.  
  2523. KJ
  2524. I went straight to the bank, I'm all like sunglasses on, I'm all like [inhale sound] from the night before, I was all cracked out. You know, uh, at the bank, and I'm sitting there, like, I'm sitting there, and it says "Mr. Charlie Sheen"-
  2525.  
  2526. HS
  2527. Right. They're used to that at the bank. Yeah.
  2528.  
  2529. KJ
  2530. -on the cheque, and they're just looking at me, and they're like-
  2531.  
  2532. HS
  2533. "No way."
  2534.  
  2535. KJ
  2536. "This is Charlie Sheen?" And they verify it, verify it twice-
  2537.  
  2538. HS
  2539. They called him, thank god he was awake.
  2540.  
  2541. KJ
  2542. They called him, he answered the phone, said "Put the cheque through," the bank didn't have enough money, so they gave me, I actually have it, I still have it- I still haven't had the chance-
  2543.  
  2544. HS
  2545. A voucher?
  2546.  
  2547. KJ
  2548. I still haven't had a chance to go the bank yet. Let's see-
  2549.  
  2550. HS
  2551. The bank didn't have enough money?!
  2552.  
  2553. RQ
  2554. What is that all about!
  2555.  
  2556. HS
  2557. What kind of freaking bank is it?
  2558.  
  2559. KJ
  2560. I still have...
  2561.  
  2562. [she shows them stacks of bills in her bag]
  2563.  
  2564. RQ
  2565. Oh wow!
  2566.  
  2567. HS
  2568. Look at that! Look at all that cash! And how much more money-
  2569.  
  2570. KJ
  2571. That's just eight thousand, and then I got my-
  2572.  
  2573. HS
  2574. Voucher?
  2575.  
  2576. KJ
  2577. Uh yeah.
  2578.  
  2579. HS
  2580. Look at you, with this cash.
  2581.  
  2582. RQ
  2583. What is that, a cashier's check?
  2584.  
  2585. HS
  2586. Look at that, how much is that for?
  2587.  
  2588. KJ
  2589. It says- Well, it's twenty one nine eighty five because it's fifteen dollars with a cashier's check.
  2590.  
  2591. HS
  2592. Honey, you hit the lottery.
  2593.  
  2594. KJ
  2595. So, twenty two thousand. And this...I still have to go to a fucking bank.
  2596.  
  2597. RQ
  2598. Don't lose that!
  2599.  
  2600. KJ
  2601. I've been holding onto my purse, at night like [mimes holding onto purse tightly].
  2602.  
  2603. HS
  2604. Boy, you're the- You are the- This is some story.
  2605.  
  2606. KJ
  2607. Yeah.
  2608.  
  2609. HS
  2610. Now I guess Charlie's never going to want to see you again, because of course you have loose lips. Not only do you have fat pussy lips, but you have loose talking lips. [laughter] I mean, right?
  2611.  
  2612. KJ
  2613. Yeah, uh, I think sex is, I really like Charlie or whatever, but the thing is, I woke up, someone leaked the story, I think it's my sister.
  2614.  
  2615. HS
  2616. I like your honesty.
  2617.  
  2618. KJ
  2619. And uh...
  2620.  
  2621. HS
  2622. You think your sister turned you in? And leaked the story?
  2623.  
  2624. KJ
  2625. Because she was joking about it, but then I'm like, how did someone know? And then I get a call, thank god I got in the hands of my representative, or agent, Kevin Blatt, who's been repping me...thank god. You know, he talked to me. I call him "the whore whisperer."
  2626.  
  2627. HS
  2628. That's funny. Is your sister hot like you?
  2629.  
  2630. KJ
  2631. Uh, yeah. She has a different dad, different body type.
  2632.  
  2633. HS
  2634. Does she like hot- wear hot-
  2635.  
  2636. KJ
  2637. She looks like a Kardashian sister. I think so.
  2638.  
  2639. HS
  2640. Does she ever want to fuck guys and get paid and stuff?
  2641.  
  2642. KJ
  2643. No.
  2644.  
  2645. HS
  2646. Right.
  2647.  
  2648. KJ
  2649. She just wants the money, without doing anything.
  2650.  
  2651. HS
  2652. Ever fool around with her? Like get in some weird scene with your sister?
  2653.  
  2654. KJ
  2655. My sister? Nooooo. My god, no way.
  2656.  
  2657. HS
  2658. Thank god, alright.
  2659.  
  2660. KJ
  2661. [laughs]
  2662.  
  2663. HS
  2664. Can you take- First of all, Kasey Jordan-
  2665.  
  2666. KJ
  2667. That sounds South, incest. [laughter]
  2668.  
  2669. HS
  2670. Kasey Jordan's at Pornhub.com, she's told you everything, and then some, quite frankly.
  2671.  
  2672. KJ
  2673. Yeah.
  2674.  
  2675. HS
  2676. And uh, if you want-
  2677.  
  2678. RQ
  2679. What's next?
  2680.  
  2681. HS
  2682. Who are we going to party with next? Fred Norris? [laughter] I'm telling you, that's the one. I mean, you got Federline, you had Charlie Sheen, you had the prince guy, it's unbelievable what you had going on.
  2683.  
  2684. KJ
  2685. There's a couple of others out there.
  2686.  
  2687. HS
  2688. Who else you party with?
  2689.  
  2690. KJ
  2691. I don't know if I wanna say.
  2692.  
  2693. HS
  2694. I know, there was somebody you said you partied with-
  2695.  
  2696. KJ
  2697. If I said everybody I partied with, I'm going to be blacklisted from Hollywood.
  2698.  
  2699. HS
  2700. Didn't you have a six month affair with uh, Tommy Lee?
  2701.  
  2702. RQ
  2703. Oooooooooooooh.
  2704.  
  2705. HS
  2706. He's got some big cock. Who's got a bigger cock, that prince dude or Tommy Lee?
  2707.  
  2708. KJ
  2709. Tommy Lee. [said with a faint touch of remembered ecstasy]
  2710.  
  2711. HS
  2712. Tommy Lee's got the biggest cock, right?
  2713.  
  2714. KJ
  2715. Tommy Lee has the hugest cock. It's pierced.
  2716.  
  2717. HS
  2718. When he fucks you, does it hurt?
  2719.  
  2720. KJ
  2721. Yeah.
  2722.  
  2723. HS
  2724. Can you handle his whole penis, or are you like, dude, I'm a small girl, I can only take half of that thing?
  2725.  
  2726. KJ
  2727. I was holding onto the sheets pretty hard.
  2728.  
  2729. HS
  2730. Yeah, huh? Did you come from him?
  2731.  
  2732. KJ
  2733. Yeah.
  2734.  
  2735. HS
  2736. You did?
  2737.  
  2738. KJ
  2739. Yeah.
  2740.  
  2741. HS
  2742. Good for you. Good for you.
  2743.  
  2744. KJ
  2745. And I love- I was always drunk, the entire time of course, so-
  2746.  
  2747. HS
  2748. Did he ever give you anal?
  2749.  
  2750. KJ
  2751. No!
  2752.  
  2753. HS
  2754. You couldn't stuff-
  2755.  
  2756. KJ
  2757. God, imagine the ring would just rip my ass open.
  2758.  
  2759. HS
  2760. Honey. That would be something, huh?
  2761.  
  2762. KJ
  2763. Wait, wait. How did Tommy Lee get out? I wanna know. Someone...who said-
  2764.  
  2765. RQ
  2766. You said it! [laughter]
  2767.  
  2768. HS
  2769. You were drunk! You told people, we knew it.
  2770.  
  2771. KJ
  2772. How-
  2773.  
  2774. GD
  2775. Kacey, you told Will in the pre-interview.
  2776.  
  2777. KJ
  2778. I did? Will?
  2779.  
  2780. RQ
  2781. You don't remember?
  2782.  
  2783. KJ
  2784. Oh, I thought I was wasted out of my fucking mind. My god, my big fat mouth. Oh my god.
  2785.  
  2786. HS
  2787. Why? What's the big deal? What is so big a deal? Why do you care if it gets out that you dated Tommy Lee?
  2788.  
  2789. KJ
  2790. I was only...we weren't dating _official_.
  2791.  
  2792. HS
  2793. Right.
  2794.  
  2795. KJ
  2796. You know, like...
  2797.  
  2798. HS
  2799. What's the big deal, there's nothing wrong with that.
  2800.  
  2801. KJ
  2802. Ah, I just fucked him.
  2803.  
  2804. HS
  2805. Yeah. Well, good for you.
  2806.  
  2807. KJ
  2808. But he's happily with a girlfriend and everything like that, so I'm happy. Dat da da da.
  2809.  
  2810. HS
  2811. He'll be back. He wants more of your sugar.
  2812.  
  2813. KJ
  2814. [laughs] No, like I said I'm going to be blacklisted, I'm going to go back to-
  2815.  
  2816. HS
  2817. Isn't it true that you fucked Dick Clark one night and gave him a stroke?
  2818.  
  2819. KJ
  2820. [laughs] Nooooo.
  2821.  
  2822. HS
  2823. Sorry. I'm just fishing around. Nick, go ahead, you're on the air in Lake Tahoe.
  2824.  
  2825. NICK
  2826. Hey now, Howard. Kacey, how much coke did you see Charlie doing at the time? Like, was he just constantly smoking it, or filling it up that pipe, was he basing it, what was he doing, was it in cigarettes, what was up in that?
  2827.  
  2828. KJ
  2829. He was freebasing it, it looked like a mini-green bong. Like he was smoking weed out of it too.
  2830.  
  2831. HS
  2832. JESUS CHRIST!
  2833.  
  2834. KJ
  2835. He would take a chunk out of these bricks of coke-
  2836.  
  2837. NICK
  2838. Cool.
  2839.  
  2840. KJ
  2841. -and he would just take a chunk, and shove it, or he would put the weed, and he would lighten it up, and he was constantly lightening it up, like every five minutes.
  2842.  
  2843. HS
  2844. So, he'd combine weed and coke?
  2845.  
  2846. KJ
  2847. He did everything.
  2848.  
  2849. HS
  2850. Everything.
  2851.  
  2852. RQ
  2853. He's like a mad scientist.
  2854.  
  2855. HS
  2856. Do you think...it's obvious, he wants to die, right? I mean, you wanna die, but not like that? He really wants to die.
  2857.  
  2858. KJ
  2859. I'm just like, what mission are you on? Because-
  2860.  
  2861. NICK
  2862. So he was just smoking the coke straight, he wasn't making base out of it-
  2863.  
  2864. KJ
  2865. No no, no baking soda, nothing.
  2866.  
  2867. NICK
  2868. Just smoking it.
  2869.  
  2870. KJ
  2871. Smoking it. Straight up.
  2872.  
  2873. NICK
  2874. Oh my _god_.
  2875.  
  2876. HS
  2877. Do you ever not want to party? Do you ever sit around and watch "Sixty Minutes" or do anything?
  2878.  
  2879. RQ
  2880. Yeah, tonight, I'm just taking the day off?
  2881.  
  2882. HS
  2883. Do you ever-
  2884.  
  2885. KJ
  2886. I wish.
  2887.  
  2888. HS
  2889. You'd party today, right?
  2890.  
  2891. KJ
  2892. Aaaah, well, I will be at the airport.
  2893.  
  2894. NICK
  2895. Did he ever toss your salad?
  2896.  
  2897. HS
  2898. Yeah, did he toss your salad? Did he ever put his tongue up your ass?
  2899.  
  2900. KJ
  2901. No!
  2902.  
  2903. HS
  2904. No. Have you ever had that?
  2905.  
  2906. KJ
  2907. Yeah, I've had my salad tossed plenty of times. Not by him.
  2908.  
  2909. [soundboard now plays an unceasing series of fart noises]
  2910.  
  2911. HS
  2912. Did you ever toss a guy's salad? Did you ever put a tongue up a guy's ass?
  2913.  
  2914. KJ
  2915. I've tossed a guy's ass- [breaks down in laughter]
  2916.  
  2917. HS
  2918. Who, Tommy Lee?
  2919.  
  2920. KJ
  2921. Uh, no.
  2922.  
  2923. HS
  2924. The prince?
  2925.  
  2926. KJ
  2927. No!
  2928.  
  2929. HS
  2930. Charlie Sheen?
  2931.  
  2932. KJ
  2933. [laughs hard]
  2934.  
  2935. HS
  2936. You put it up Charlie's ass? You put your tongue up Charlie's ass?
  2937.  
  2938. KJ
  2939. No! [still laughing]
  2940.  
  2941. HS
  2942. You did, didn't ya?
  2943.  
  2944. KJ
  2945. Noooo.
  2946.  
  2947. NICK
  2948. A finger. Did you get a finger up there?
  2949.  
  2950. KJ
  2951. No, I didn't.
  2952.  
  2953. KJ
  2954. Sorry, ever since I was a kid I've been fascinated with farts. I think farts are the funniest thing in the world. You keep making these sound effects-
  2955.  
  2956. HS
  2957. Did you really- Did you put your tongue up a guy's ass at one point? Like is that gross? I mean, guys are gross.
  2958.  
  2959. KJ
  2960. Guys...yeah. Like, at least shave, like most guys, when their asshole, like sometimes they don't shave it, and it's fucking hairy as shit.
  2961.  
  2962. HS
  2963. Yeah. I've got a fucking jungle down there.
  2964.  
  2965. KJ
  2966. That's why guys have skidmarks so much. Because they have such hairy assholes, and they have skidmarks all over the bed.
  2967.  
  2968. HS
  2969. You speak the truth.
  2970.  
  2971. RQ
  2972. Over the bed?
  2973.  
  2974. KJ
  2975. Yeah. Like my last guy I was dating, I'm like, why, what the fuck, why are there skidmarks on the fucking sheets?
  2976.  
  2977. HS
  2978. Honey, I'm like Rapunzel down there.
  2979.  
  2980. KJ
  2981. I took my ex, I took him to get his asshole waxed, and it was the most painful thing he had ever gone through...I'm sitting there, watching him, "AAAAAAGGGGHHHHH! This hurts worse than my tattoo!" And I'm sitting there, crying. Like, it's way funnier than Forty Year Old Virgin. Because it's his ass crack, and it's going by his taint and stuff, and I'm sitting there and I'm like-
  2982.  
  2983. HS
  2984. You've seen it all, haven't you?
  2985.  
  2986. KJ
  2987. Oh, it was-
  2988.  
  2989. NICK
  2990. -weird like that?
  2991.  
  2992. HS
  2993. What was that?
  2994.  
  2995. NICK
  2996. Did he make you throw up on you, or-
  2997.  
  2998. HS
  2999. No, he's not weird.
  3000.  
  3001. KJ
  3002. He's not weird. He likes feet. He loves feet.
  3003.  
  3004. RQ
  3005. Really?
  3006.  
  3007. HS
  3008. Now explain that to me. Guys are into feet. I don't get that. Okay, you have nice feet, great, but they like smelly feet, right?
  3009.  
  3010. KJ
  3011. Some of them like smelly feet, some of them like pretty toes.
  3012.  
  3013. RQ
  3014. What does Charlie like?
  3015.  
  3016. KJ
  3017. He just likes pretty toes.
  3018.  
  3019. HS
  3020. And what does he do, he sits there and licks your toes?
  3021.  
  3022. KJ
  3023. Sucks them and licks them.
  3024.  
  3025. HS
  3026. And you're not turned on by that, right? You're like, "Oh, this is so boring."
  3027.  
  3028. KJ
  3029. "Oh, so slimy, and uh-" Whatever. Whatever you want.
  3030.  
  3031. HS
  3032. Did you say to him, dude, it's enough?
  3033.  
  3034. KJ
  3035. Deep throat that foot. Deep.
  3036.  
  3037. HS
  3038. Man, that's a weird scene, huh? And what do you do while he's sitting there, sucking your toes?
  3039.  
  3040. RQ
  3041. And he's got these gold teeth, and he's sucking toes.
  3042.  
  3043. KJ
  3044. Mmmmhmmm. Like I said, uuuuuhhhh when I'm you know-
  3045.  
  3046. HS
  3047. He is vile.
  3048.  
  3049. KJ
  3050. -I don't have to do anything, I just have my drink in my hand, and say-
  3051.  
  3052. HS
  3053. He is vile.
  3054.  
  3055. KJ
  3056. "Go ahead, you can suck my feet." And I'm just going to continue drinking. "Continue."
  3057.  
  3058. HS
  3059. Although I gotta tell you, you gotta want to go back to that house and get another thirty, thirty five grand, huh? I mean, that'd be nice.
  3060.  
  3061. KJ
  3062. Imagine if he actually calls me up, and says, "Do you still want that Bentley?"
  3063.  
  3064. HS
  3065. Yeah. Sure I want that belly. Bentley, whatever that is.
  3066.  
  3067. KJ
  3068. Yeah right. I think uh-
  3069.  
  3070. HS
  3071. Let's go to Shawn, so many people want to talk to you. So, let's, I know we're running late on time. Shawn, go ahead.
  3072.  
  3073. SHAWN
  3074. Hey Howard, I was calling about the Sirius trip I won to the Superbowl.
  3075.  
  3076. HS
  3077. Forget that. No one's talking about that. Uh, Frosty, go ahead.
  3078.  
  3079. FROSTY
  3080. What's up Howard. I just wanted to ask Kacey if you wanted to come over tonight and watch some porn, do some coke?
  3081.  
  3082. KJ
  3083. [laughs]
  3084.  
  3085. HS
  3086. Kacey, what are you doing in New York? Oh, you're going to the airport, aren't you?
  3087. KJ
  3088. I'm going to the airport.
  3089.  
  3090. HS
  3091. Unfortunately, she's not available. Otherwise, she'd be there, I'm sure. Let's go to Cowhead, real quick. Cowhead, go ahead.
  3092.  
  3093. COWHEAD
  3094. Hey. I was just wondering if-
  3095.  
  3096. HS
  3097. Hello? Cowhead?
  3098.  
  3099. RQ
  3100. What happened to him?
  3101.  
  3102. HS
  3103. Gone.
  3104.  
  3105. RQ
  3106. He waited all that time-
  3107.  
  3108. HS
  3109. Alright Jeff The Drunk, go ahead.
  3110.  
  3111. RQ
  3112. And we lost him.
  3113.  
  3114. JEFF THE DRUNK
  3115. Hey honey.
  3116.  
  3117. HS
  3118. What's that ass to mouth stuff? Do you-
  3119.  
  3120. KJ
  3121. Heeeeeyyyyyyy. [laughs] I did ass to mouth, _once_.
  3122.  
  3123. HS
  3124. What is ass to mouth?
  3125.  
  3126. KJ
  3127. Uh- [soundboard fart] [laughs]
  3128.  
  3129. JTD
  3130. The shit's in your ass, and you stick it in your mouth.
  3131.  
  3132. KJ
  3133. Yeah.
  3134.  
  3135. HS
  3136. Oh right. The guy puts it in your ass, and then you lick his penis.
  3137.  
  3138. KJ
  3139. Yeah.
  3140.  
  3141. HS
  3142. What's that like for you?
  3143.  
  3144. KJ
  3145. Well, I'd just, what you do is, I did it in porn, though. It was in some other girl's ass.
  3146.  
  3147. HS and RQ
  3148. Oooooooohhhhh.
  3149.  
  3150. KJ
  3151. And she's like, suck it, suck my ass. And I'm like, oh my god, and the trick, you spit on it, and I was like, kinda wiping it down. Just to make it look like, you know?
  3152.  
  3153. HS
  3154. Right.
  3155.  
  3156. KJ
  3157. And then I stick it in my mouth.
  3158.  
  3159. HS
  3160. Smart girl.
  3161.  
  3162. JTD
  3163. Hey Kacey.
  3164.  
  3165. KJ
  3166. Yeah.
  3167.  
  3168. JTD
  3169. Are you a cum guzzler?
  3170.  
  3171. KJ
  3172. Am I a what?
  3173.  
  3174. JTD
  3175. A _cum_ guzzler.
  3176.  
  3177. KJ
  3178. Oooooh. Cum dumpster?
  3179.  
  3180. HS
  3181. Cum guzzler. What is that?
  3182.  
  3183. RQ
  3184. He thinks, he's asking if she swallows.
  3185.  
  3186. KJ
  3187. I-
  3188.  
  3189. HS
  3190. Of course she swallows! She's doing everything else!
  3191.  
  3192. KJ
  3193. I love cum, because-
  3194.  
  3195. HS
  3196. She's hungry.
  3197.  
  3198. KJ
  3199. I always oversalt all my food, and people are like, "Dude. Easy on the salt. You're going to die in two years." I'm like, "Dude. It's cum withdrawal." [laughter]
  3200.  
  3201. HS
  3202. I see, you love the taste of it.
  3203.  
  3204. KJ
  3205. I like salty.
  3206.  
  3207. HS
  3208. Try and tell Robin to try it.
  3209.  
  3210. RQ
  3211. I don't like salty.
  3212.  
  3213. HS
  3214. That's right. Rick, go ahead. Last question for Kacey Jordan.
  3215.  
  3216. RICK
  3217. Thank you, amazing interview. Kacey, were you spanked growing up, and do you like to have your ass spanked now?
  3218.  
  3219. HS
  3220. Were you were disciplined as a child-
  3221.  
  3222. RQ
  3223. Like spanked-
  3224.  
  3225. KJ
  3226. Oh god, I was grounded all the time, and yes, I had spankings.
  3227.  
  3228. HS
  3229. Who spanked you?
  3230.  
  3231. KJ
  3232. I got the belt.
  3233.  
  3234. HS
  3235. Who would belt you?
  3236.  
  3237. KJ
  3238. My dad. Gave me the belt.
  3239.  
  3240. HS
  3241. And would he strip you naked and belt you?
  3242.  
  3243. KJ
  3244. No, but my ass would be bare, but it wasn't like-
  3245.  
  3246. HS
  3247. He pull your pants down?
  3248.  
  3249. KJ
  3250. Pants down.
  3251.  
  3252. HS
  3253. Wow. That's kinda weird.
  3254.  
  3255. KJ
  3256. Yeah.
  3257.  
  3258. HS
  3259. You think?
  3260.  
  3261. KJ
  3262. Yeah, but it was nothing like that.
  3263.  
  3264. HS
  3265. But that's weird.
  3266.  
  3267. KJ
  3268. But I definitely-
  3269.  
  3270. RQ
  3271. What was the offense, what did you do?
  3272.  
  3273. KJ
  3274. I just got suspended from school, or...
  3275.  
  3276. HS
  3277. Are your parents so proud of you now, because of your relationship with Charlie Sheen?
  3278.  
  3279. KJ
  3280. My parents are, like, they're like, "Huh." They're like, "Shocker."
  3281.  
  3282. HS
  3283. Right.
  3284.  
  3285. KJ
  3286. They're like, I'll tell them, "Guess what happened." and they're like, "Yeah, we know."
  3287.  
  3288. HS
  3289. Are they like, "We gave up on her."
  3290.  
  3291. KJ
  3292. Yeah, they're like, you know. My dad is like, "Are you making money?" And I'm like, "Yup." And he's like, "Alright." He's trying to be so understanding, because they want to be a part of my life?
  3293.  
  3294. HS and RQ
  3295. Right.
  3296.  
  3297. KJ
  3298. And they're young, you know. They're trying to be cool parents. So.
  3299.  
  3300. HS
  3301. Ah well.
  3302.  
  3303. KJ
  3304. I'm lucky with that.
  3305.  
  3306. HS
  3307. Ah, let's go to Frankenstein. Go ahead.
  3308.  
  3309. FRANKENSTEIN
  3310. Oh, Kacey, you sound so hot. Have you ever been spit roasted before?
  3311.  
  3312. HS
  3313. What's spit roasted? Do you know that Kacey?
  3314.  
  3315. KJ
  3316. No.
  3317.  
  3318. FRANKENSTEN
  3319. That's when you get fucked in the mouth and the ass.
  3320.  
  3321. HS
  3322. Get fucked in the mouth and the ass, at the same- oh, like a spit roast. Oh, I see. Like, at a rotisserie.
  3323.  
  3324. KJ
  3325. [laughs] I've never heard of that term!
  3326.  
  3327. HS
  3328. I'm sure you've had that.
  3329.  
  3330. KJ
  3331. Uh...I've never...because I just started doing anal? So, I'm sure if I do a DP or something, you know, where I'm getting two guys, and I'm planning on doing a DP soon.
  3332.  
  3333. HS
  3334. You think you can handel that?
  3335.  
  3336. KJ
  3337. I think I might get spit roasted.
  3338.  
  3339. HS
  3340. You're a very thin girl. I mean, be careful back there with your ass. I've heard people lose their whole anus.
  3341.  
  3342. RQ
  3343. I know.
  3344.  
  3345. HS
  3346. Let's go to Tim. Go ahead.
  3347.  
  3348. TIM
  3349. Hey now. I have kinda a two part question. First of all, she's telling all these stories about the prince, and this whole story, I don't know if you wanna say "leaked", Charlie Sheen-
  3350.  
  3351. HS
  3352. She's a very honest girl, yes. I like her honesty.
  3353.  
  3354. TIM
  3355. Very honest. Almost too honest. Because isn't she, I don't know if she worries about this, are you worried that no one else is going to want to get with you for the big payday anymore-
  3356.  
  3357. HS
  3358. You think people are going to be afraid to be with you. "I was thinking of asking you to be with me, but I'm afraid you'll talk about it."
  3359.  
  3360. KJ
  3361. The thing is, I don't think, I mean obviously people are going to be afraid, but the only reason why, no one would ever have known about me and Charlie Sheen, if he didn't O.D.
  3362.  
  3363. HS
  3364. Right, right.
  3365.  
  3366. KJ
  3367. No one would never have known. I don't kiss and tell. There's alot more others that I'm not going to say.
  3368.  
  3369. HS
  3370. Really?
  3371.  
  3372. TIM
  3373. I think they would-
  3374.  
  3375. HS
  3376. Who is it? Mel Gibson? That anti-semite.
  3377.  
  3378. HS
  3379. There's a lot of people you'd be surprised see girls. And I'm not going to say. No more. Because I can't be blacklisted. Kacey-
  3380.  
  3381. RQ
  3382. But let me ask you something, you weren't there when they made that call? You had already left, when Charlie got into trouble?
  3383.  
  3384. KJ
  3385. I had already left, I left the night- Because I was like, if I don't leave, I'm going to be in the hospital. Because he kept going into my mouth, and I'm like, oh my god-
  3386.  
  3387. HS
  3388. You couldn't handle it.
  3389.  
  3390. KJ
  3391. Because I have anxiety disorder, like, okay, it's two o'clock in the afternoon, I have to go.
  3392.  
  3393. HS
  3394. You met your match. You met your match. Oh, it was two o'clock in the afternoon when you left?!
  3395.  
  3396. KJ
  3397. Yeah.
  3398.  
  3399. HS
  3400. You met your match. You finally were outdone.
  3401.  
  3402. KJ
  3403. Oh, I was outdone. I was outdone. Hands down. I- I- I thought I could outdo everybody, and know what?
  3404.  
  3405. HS
  3406. He's the man.
  3407.  
  3408. KJ
  3409. He proved he's the man.
  3410.  
  3411. RQ
  3412. He left you in the dust.
  3413.  
  3414. KJ
  3415. Yeah. The sparkly shiny dust.
  3416.  
  3417. HS
  3418. Dan, go ahead, you're the last one.
  3419.  
  3420. DAN
  3421. -yeah, it looks like you could get shot-
  3422.  
  3423. RQ
  3424. Is he talking to us?
  3425.  
  3426. HS
  3427. Dan, are you there?
  3428.  
  3429. DAN
  3430. Hey.
  3431.  
  3432. HS
  3433. What's up?
  3434.  
  3435. DAN
  3436. Have a good day.
  3437.  
  3438. RQ
  3439. He's talking to somebody else.
  3440.  
  3441. HS
  3442. Ah, he must be talking to somebody else. Dan, are you there? One last chance.
  3443.  
  3444. DAN
  3445. Yeah?
  3446.  
  3447. HS
  3448. Dan, go ahead quickly.
  3449.  
  3450. DAN
  3451. Hey Howard. I wanted to see if we can get her fat snatch on that Symbian.
  3452.  
  3453. HS
  3454. Hey, did you ever sit on a Symbian?
  3455.  
  3456. KJ
  3457. I've sat on a Symbian before.
  3458.  
  3459. HS
  3460. Did it get you off?
  3461.  
  3462. DAN
  3463. Come on, it'd be perfect for Howard TV. Please?
  3464.  
  3465. KJ
  3466. The only reason why-
  3467.  
  3468. DAN
  3469. COME ON!
  3470.  
  3471. KJ
  3472. I would, but I pissed blood this morning.
  3473.  
  3474. DAN
  3475. -shot of Jack Daniels.
  3476.  
  3477. RQ
  3478. WHAAAAAAAAT.
  3479.  
  3480. HS
  3481. You pissed blood this morning?
  3482.  
  3483. KJ
  3484. Yeah.
  3485.  
  3486. HS
  3487. Wow.
  3488.  
  3489. KJ
  3490. It's gonna hurt.
  3491.  
  3492. HS
  3493. Wow. Don't do it then.
  3494.  
  3495. KJ
  3496. I've done a Symbian, though.
  3497.  
  3498. RQ
  3499. You have the urinary or the kidney infection?
  3500.  
  3501. KJ
  3502. Yeah.
  3503.  
  3504. HS
  3505. You better slow down a little.
  3506.  
  3507. KJ
  3508. That's why I don't want to have a drink.
  3509.  
  3510. GD
  3511. Why do you think you did that?
  3512.  
  3513. KJ
  3514. I have a kidney infection!
  3515.  
  3516. HS
  3517. From fucking a lot. I mean, she's got honeymoon disease.
  3518.  
  3519. KJ
  3520. No, I have a kidney, full on, from drinking so much, I've been drunk the whole time in New York, mostly.
  3521.  
  3522. HS
  3523. Wow.
  3524.  
  3525. KJ
  3526. The whole time.
  3527.  
  3528. HS
  3529. This is probably difficult for you, sober.
  3530.  
  3531. RQ
  3532. Could you take a few days and just let your kidney sober out?
  3533.  
  3534. KJ
  3535. Imagine this is me, sober.
  3536.  
  3537. HS
  3538. Robin, stop making sense.
  3539.  
  3540. KJ
  3541. Imagine me, this is me, sober. Imagine me wasted.
  3542.  
  3543. HS
  3544. I wanna interview you wasted once. Can I interview you wasted one time?
  3545.  
  3546. KJ
  3547. Yeah.
  3548.  
  3549. HS
  3550. Can you come in here, wasted?
  3551.  
  3552. KJ
  3553. Yeah.
  3554.  
  3555. HS
  3556. Good. Because I really want to-
  3557.  
  3558. KJ
  3559. I'll be wasted riding the symbian, and doing woof...
  3560.  
  3561. HS
  3562. Listen. Can you take my advice, you're a fun girl, you're a nice girl, I like you. If you're pissing blood, take the next five days off of drinking.
  3563.  
  3564. RQ
  3565. Go away, yeah. And go to a spa, and-
  3566.  
  3567. KJ
  3568. I'm on- I took my medication this morning because-
  3569.  
  3570. HS
  3571. So you should be able to drink, you're saying, as long as you're on the medication?
  3572.  
  3573. KJ
  3574. Yeah.
  3575.  
  3576. RQ
  3577. So far it's not working, Kacey. But you don't worry about a lot, do you?
  3578.  
  3579. KJ
  3580. Nah...
  3581.  
  3582. HS
  3583. What is it, Gary?
  3584.  
  3585. GD
  3586. I just wanted to say one more thing about the symbian before we throw that out the window...it's not that it's an actual dick, it's just a flat thing, so...
  3587.  
  3588. HS
  3589. Yeah.
  3590.  
  3591. GD
  3592. ...it's not like you're putting something inside your vagina. You're just sitting on a thing that vibrates.
  3593.  
  3594. HS
  3595. The woman is bleeding.
  3596.  
  3597. RQ
  3598. She's pissing blood.
  3599. GD
  3600. She bleeds once a month, what do I give a shit.
  3601.  
  3602. KJ
  3603. [laughs]
  3604.  
  3605. HS
  3606. Listen. Gary, ice her pussy down, relax her, and get her on that symbian. You're like the coach of a football team. "Coach, I broke my leg." "MY VAGINA'S BROKEN!"
  3607.  
  3608. GD
  3609. Kacey. If you had a scene today for three grand, would you do it?
  3610.  
  3611. KJ
  3612. [long pause] Yeah.
  3613.  
  3614. GD
  3615. You see? So she's in shape.
  3616.  
  3617. HS
  3618. But is it hot if she's not having fun because she's pissing blood?
  3619.  
  3620. GD
  3621. But we're not doing that. I mean, she's just going to-
  3622.  
  3623. HS
  3624. Give the girl a break.
  3625.  
  3626. RQ
  3627. Yeah. What is wrong with you?
  3628.  
  3629. KJ
  3630. I would have to drink before I did that scene, though. Because then it would numb the-
  3631.  
  3632. RQ
  3633. Right.
  3634.  
  3635. KJ
  3636. -the cooch.
  3637.  
  3638. HS
  3639. Listen. You've shown us your beautiful fat pussy, and thank you for that.
  3640.  
  3641. KJ
  3642. Yeah, it's fat.
  3643.  
  3644. HS
  3645. Listen, we have very expensive fifty dollar carpeting here, I can't have you bleeding all over the carpet, you understand?
  3646.  
  3647. KJ
  3648. Oh, I'm not going to bleed from my-!
  3649.  
  3650. HS
  3651. I understand. I'm making a joke.
  3652.  
  3653. KJ
  3654. I'm saying, like, if I go to the bathroom and use your bathroom, I'll probably bleed.
  3655.  
  3656. HS
  3657. Listen. Maybe It's another miscarriage, who knows?
  3658.  
  3659. KJ
  3660. Oh my god!
  3661.  
  3662. HS
  3663. Listen to me.
  3664.  
  3665. KJ
  3666. You know, it probably is.
  3667.  
  3668. HS
  3669. Kacey, delightful meeting you, you've said it all, and you've said some things that I'm not even sure what you said. [laughter] But you've done it, and I recommend my fans go to Kacey Jordan at pornhub.com, and check out your beauty.
  3670.  
  3671. KJ
  3672. Yeah, check me out. Pornhub.com.
  3673.  
  3674. HS
  3675. I personally recommend her asleep, getting fucked while she's sleeping.
  3676.  
  3677. RQ
  3678. I hope she gets some rest.
  3679.  
  3680. HS
  3681. And get some rest. Lay off the drinking for a week, let the vagina heal.
  3682.  
  3683. RQ
  3684. Let your kidney heal.
  3685.  
  3686. HS
  3687. And uh-
  3688.  
  3689. KJ
  3690. I won't make promises, but I'll take your advice.
  3691.  
  3692. HS
  3693. And Kacey, if anyone wants you to babysit their kids, how do they get in touch with you, can they do that through pornhub.com?
  3694.  
  3695. KJ
  3696. Yeah, go ahead, get me through twitter.
  3697.  
  3698. HS
  3699. Twitter? Okay good.
  3700.  
  3701. KJ
  3702. Yeah, I'll be your babysitter. It's fucked up.
  3703.  
  3704. HS
  3705. If anyone wants a drunken babysitter-
  3706.  
  3707. KJ
  3708. Anybody.
  3709.  
  3710. HS
  3711. Kacey Jordan will be your girl. Kacey, you've made a splash. You've won America's hearts over this morning. And you must come back when you're loaded, because I want to meet the ultimate you.
  3712.  
  3713. KJ
  3714. I would love to come back, get loaded, ride a symbian-
  3715.  
  3716. HS
  3717. Great. So, we have something to look forward to.
  3718.  
  3719. KJ
  3720. Yeah.
  3721.  
  3722. HS
  3723. All good things are worth waiting for, Robin.
  3724.  
  3725. RQ
  3726. Sure.
  3727.  
  3728. HS
  3729. And uh-
  3730.  
  3731. RQ
  3732. Something to live for.
  3733.  
  3734. HS
  3735. Thank you very much. And uh, let me tell you something...yes, Mark, quickly, she has to leave. The woman's bleeding, go ahead.
  3736.  
  3737. MARK
  3738. Oh my god man, give this girl a shot and get her on the symbian.
  3739.  
  3740. HS
  3741. We'll get her on there, she's- When are you coming back to me, so you can sit on the symbian?
  3742.  
  3743. KJ
  3744. Ummmmm...I don't know, I've got to go to L.A., I've got to do some more shoots and stuff...
  3745.  
  3746. HS
  3747. Right, alright, so pretty soon, right?
  3748.  
  3749. KJ
  3750. Yeah. I mean, I can't do anything...
  3751.  
  3752. HS
  3753. Alright. I wanna know the name of the bank that doesn't have thirty thousand dollars.
  3754.  
  3755. RQ
  3756. I know! What kind of bank-
  3757.  
  3758. KJ
  3759. Sea National [Seacoast National Bank].
  3760.  
  3761. HS
  3762. Uh, go ahead, Mark.
  3763.  
  3764. MARK
  3765. Hey, you know J.D. has a little experience with some porn stars, and he's- I don't know if I would put him in the realm of Charlie Sheen, but what does she think of J.D.? Would she give J.D. a shot?
  3766.  
  3767. HS
  3768. I don't know if J.D.'s her type. J.D.'s one of the guys who works for us.
  3769.  
  3770. KJ
  3771. Oh, okay.
  3772.  
  3773. HS
  3774. He got to bang a porn star one time. Listen. He's got a tremendous rap with girls. Once they talk to him, they fall in love with him.
  3775.  
  3776. RQ
  3777. You'll never get out of here without doing him.
  3778.  
  3779. HS
  3780. You know, you've never met a guy...J.D. talk to this girl, watch how you'll fall in love. Ready? Go ahead. Talk to her.
  3781.  
  3782. J.D.
  3783. Hey, what's up? How are you?
  3784.  
  3785. KJ
  3786. Good.
  3787.  
  3788. HS
  3789. Are you feeling it?
  3790.  
  3791. J.D.
  3792. Nah, she ain't feeling anything.
  3793.  
  3794. HS
  3795. You feeling him, or what? Seriously.
  3796.  
  3797. KJ
  3798. How much money you got?
  3799.  
  3800. J.D.
  3801. Exactly.
  3802.  
  3803. HS
  3804. Tell her a little bit about yourself. What you do here, charm her a little. You'll see, you're gonna fall in love.
  3805.  
  3806. J.D.
  3807. Well, you probably have in your purse what I make in two months, so...
  3808.  
  3809. HS
  3810. Yeah, but tell her, once you give it to her, she's going to fall in love.
  3811.  
  3812. J.D.
  3813. Oh yes, I'm just a stud in bed.
  3814.  
  3815. HS
  3816. Are you feeling it from his conversation at all? Do you see what I'm talking about? His magnetism?
  3817.  
  3818. KJ
  3819. Yeah, I think um, I think, what he said will. I think the key word "what I make in two months"...
  3820.  
  3821. J.D.
  3822. Yeah.
  3823.  
  3824. KJ
  3825. Alright, so...yeah, I'm sure we can work something out.
  3826.  
  3827. HS
  3828. By the way, you know that prince you fucked? This is his retarded son. [laughter] I'm not kidding.
  3829.  
  3830. J.D.
  3831. Thanks.
  3832.  
  3833. HS
  3834. J.D. is the man, you'll be lucky to be with him. I'm telling you.
  3835.  
  3836. J.D.
  3837. Damn right honey.
  3838.  
  3839. HS
  3840. I swear. Alright, listen. By the way, J.D. does have a cheque for thirty thousand dollars. It's his yearly salary. Just so you realize, he's not without money. Alright. He's the star of a movie. You've heard of The King's Speech? He's in The Nerd's Speech, it's a home movie I'm working on with him. Listen, Kacey, you're lovely, we enjoyed meeting you, we enjoyed hearing about your life, it's a fascinating life, come back when your kidneys are healed, sit on the symbian, and be drunk when you come in-
  3841.  
  3842. KJ
  3843. All good.
  3844.  
  3845. HS
  3846. We want to meet you when you're drunk. Alright, Kacey Jordan at pornhub.com. We'll be back, Lisa Lampinelli is going to stop in, and tell you about when Andy Dick came to her dressing room and called her manager a cunt.
  3847.  
  3848. RQ
  3849. Right.
  3850.  
  3851. HS
  3852. Right after-
  3853.  
  3854. RQ
  3855. You were at the AVNs, that's where it happened.
  3856.  
  3857. HS
  3858. This all went down. Did you see Andy Dick down there?
  3859.  
  3860. KJ
  3861. Oh yeah, Lisa was there.
  3862.  
  3863. HS
  3864. Isn't she terrific?
  3865.  
  3866. KJ
  3867. She's amazing. I love Lisa.
  3868.  
  3869. HS
  3870. Would you go down on Lisa, or is she too large for you?
  3871.  
  3872. KJ
  3873. Well, I'm not- I thought she likes black guys.
  3874.  
  3875. HS
  3876. She does like black guys.
  3877.  
  3878. KJ
  3879. I'm not black.
  3880.  
  3881. HS
  3882. Right.
  3883.  
  3884. KJ
  3885. Maybe she'll let me go down on her?
  3886.  
  3887. HS
  3888. Would you go down on her? Are you attracted to her at all?
  3889.  
  3890. KJ
  3891. Uh...you know, well...
  3892.  
  3893. HS
  3894. Sounds like a no.
  3895.  
  3896. KJ
  3897. I'm a straight girl.
  3898.  
  3899. HS
  3900. Alright, listen, we'll be back, I don't mean to put you on the spot. We'll be back right after these words.
RAW Paste Data
Pastebin PRO Summer Special!
Get 40% OFF on Pastebin PRO accounts!
Top