Miserable Losers

    Nick was the only one smiling.
    He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song playing on the radio.
    “Remember when we used to sing along to these songs on the way to school?” Nick laughed. “Creedence Steerwater Revival! My dad used to listen to this in the car with me, too! You know, I never liked it when I was a kit, but now, I love it!” Nick shook his head. “When did that happen, huh?”
    Judy glanced into the rear view mirror. Clyde was still glowering out the window.
    “You’re going to have a good time, champ.” Nick smiled, nodding along to the song. “And in two weeks, we’ll be together again!”
    Nick hummed along to the tune.
    “In fact, we can do something special when you come back. Anything in particular you want to do? Rain should clear up by then! How about we see a game?”
    Judy turned to smile at Clyde. “You can always come have a sleepover! I know everyone would be happy to see you!”
    “That’s a great idea! Whaddaya say about that, Clydester?”
    Clyde shot Judy a look.
    “Well,” Nick sighed as he pulled up to the curb, “is this the best situation to find ourselves in? No, of course not.” He shook his head to the beat of the music. “This is one of those unexpected turns life throws at you. But, are there good things that can come of this? Yes, I think so! And it’ll just take some time for us to get into this new groove to figure out what-- HEY!”
    Nick cursed himself as he threw up the parking brake, unbuckled his seatbelt and tore after Clyde, who had bolted out the door. He caught him by the wrist, but Clyde threw his arm away and tried sprinting off towards the house once more. Nick took a firm hold of his shoulders and spun him around to face him. He ended every sentence by giving the boy a sharp shake, but Clyde would squirm defiantly, refusing to look at him.
    She didn’t know how long she had been standing there, but Judy saw Skye watching them from the doorway of the house.
    Once Nick noticed her as well, Clyde took the opportunity to wiggle out of Nick’s grasp and ran to her, jumping into her arms. Nick hobbled up after him, waving his arms in desperate explanation, and Skye’s look changed from surprise to concern, disappointment and anger before she rolled her eyes at the end. She set Clyde down and kept him at arm’s length while she lectured him. Clyde’s kept still throughout the scolding. When it was finished, he disappeared into the house, leaving Skye and Nick watching him go, alone together.
    Judy turned away, focusing on the song still playing on the radio: it definitely wasn’t her kind of music. She listened to the lyrics intently as the two muffled voiced slowly becoming louder and clearer.
    “Big wheel keep on turnin'
    Proud Moory keep on burnin'
    Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the river!”
    She began to wonder whether she should turn the engine off.
    Nick finally made his way back to his seat and slammed the door shut. He was soaking wet. “Just my luck.”
    Judy bobbed her head to the song as they drove.
    “It’ll be alright,” she offered. “Like you said, it’ll take some getting used to. But after a while--”
    “Why on earth,” Nick interrupted, “do you think I want to talk about this?”
    Nick jabbed his finger at the radio and the car became silent, save for the sweeping of the windshield wipers.
    The situation was made all the worse by the infuriating silence. At every stop, whether due to traffic, a red light, or pedestrians crossing the street, Judy would feel her face grow red and Nick would grumble “Just my luck!” under his breath.
    Judy tried focusing on the monotonous beat of the windshield wipers rising and falling over and over. After a while, she was bobbing her head along to it's mechanical sweep.
    “Have any special plans this week?”
    “Nope.”
    “No? Maybe you’ll go see Finnick, or any other of your old friends?”
    “I don’t have any plans.”
    “You’ll be going to work this Sunday, though, right?” She immediately felt stupid when she finished asking the question.
    “Of course I have to go to work, Carrots.”
    Judy nodded to the beat. “Well, if you want, you can always join us for dinner tonight. The kits would love to see you, since you couldn’t come for movie night.”
    Nick was silent, as though he couldn’t hear anything.
    “You know you’re always welcome at our place, right, Nick?”
    “Maybe I’ll come, if it's not too late. I’ll let you know.”
    Judy began tapping her foot to the metronomic swish of the windshield wipers. “Or you could visit your mom!” Judy added. “Maybe she can help? Besides, it's always good to see family!”
    Nick glanced at Judy. “‘Always’? You sure you of all people should be using that word?”
    Judy’s ears were ringing, unable to focus on the windshield wipers any longer. She had a million things she wanted to say to that, but she bit her tongue, knowing they only sounded good in her head. Besides, she didn’t want to get into it now.
    She knew when to quit.
    She sank back into her seat and closed her eyes, listening to the rain crashing against the roof of the car, and woke with a start when she realized they had made it all the way back to her apartment. Time seemed to have sped up without her noticing at all.
    “Alright! Here we are!” Judy chimed in a sing-song voice as Nick pulled up-- an unconscious habit she had picked up over the years of driving her own kits around. Getting out of the car and opening her umbrella, she held the door gingerly in her fingertips.
    “Thanks for the ride. And… well, again, if you want, you’re welcome to come over anytime. We’re always happy to have you.”
    Nick put on a smile.
    “Okay! Have a great weekend!” She closed the door and began to wave.
    Nick drove off. Judy stood, watching him round the corner and disappear from view, as the rain thumped loud against her umbrella.
    She was shocked out of her daze by the ringing of her cell phone. How long had she been standing there?
    Her mind racing with everything she needed to get done, Judy ran into her apartment as fast as she could and was greeted by nine kits chorusing her arrival.
    “Hello!” she answered into her phone, cringing as she realized her children were laughing at her ruined umbrella, upturned in her mad rush to get out of the rain.

---

    “Michael’s going to be fine, Fru Fru!” Judy began to toss the steaming spinach in the massive pot, cell phone sandwiched between her cheek and shoulder. “Every kit goes through this: it's a normal part of growing up.”
The timer dinged and began ticking down again.
    She began whisking the sauce in the pan. “Of course he and Pepper are still friends! Friends fight! It’s healthy for them to test boundaries at their age.”
    The timer dinged and began ticking down again. She spun around to catch a kit running at top speed, mouthed a word of warning, and set her back down to continue playing more cautiously.
    “Oh, I couldn’t do Tuesday!” Judy took the pan with her off the heat as she folded in the butter, scanning a calendar on the fridge. “Eva has a performance at her school. She’s playing a space princess! Isn’t that adorable? But I could definitely drop off Pepper for a playdate!”
    “Can I please have a cup of juice, please?” asked a little bunny, tugging at Judy’s shirt.
    “Not before dinner. You can have water, sweety.”
    “But I said ‘please’!” the little bunny whined.
    “You know the rules, Redmond.”
    “But the rules are you have to say ‘please!’”
    “The rule is you have to say ‘please’ when you ask a question, but the other rule is ‘no juice before dinner’,” she whispered to the whining kit as she gave him a plastic cup of water.
    The timer dinged and began ticking down again. Judy threw the broiler on high. “I wouldn’t count on it, Fru-Fru: it’d be a miracle if I ever left the house in a dress!”
    “You still need to help me make my crown!” cried a bunny from the other room.
    “Mommy’s a little busy right now, sweetie!”
    “But I’m the princess!”
    “You’re the prettiest princess of all Carrotus, sweetie!”
    “So I need my crown!”
    “Why don’t you ask Redmond to help you?” Judy called, nudging the complaining kit with the back of her foot as she peeled the carrots.
    “I don’t want his help! Mom, the play is in three days!”
    “I want juice!” Redmond whimpered. “Why can’t I have juice before dinner? Nobody else at school says they have that stupid rule!”
    “Ohh, I know!” Judy consoled the kit as she tasted the far too spicey sauce. “It's really not fair at all! But you’ll feel better if you go help Eva with her crown!”
    The timer dinged and began ticking down again. Redmond sniffled as he went to leave, but was buffeted by the sprinting kit and dropped his cup, and his crying redoubled.
    “It’s nothing!” Judy reassured her phone as she dropped a washcloth onto the floor and began mopping the spill with her foot, scrambling around the spice rack to find the right herbs to save the sauce, acutely aware that the timer was ticking. “Everyone’s a little fussy because of the rain: they haven’t been out for a few days, and they’re getting antsy. Anybody would go stir-crazy if they’ve been cooped up for this long!”
    “Mom, Redmond’s not helping me with my crown, and the play is in three days!”
    “I know you want to make it up to me,--”
    Judy bent over and waved frantically to the no-longer sprinting kit, who was crumpled onto the floor with her ears pulled over her face, sobbing her incomprehensible apology. The only thing that could make this all worse was if she started crying.
    “--but Fru Fru, you taking Pepper off my paws for a day is more than I could ask for! You don’t need to try and set me up on a blind date.”
    There was a knock at the door.
    “Martin, go get that!” Judy called as the timer dinged and began ticking down again.
    The bunny at the table slammed his book shut. “Why do I always have to be the one to do everything?!”
    “Because I can always rely on you, honey!”
    “I’m going to stop doing anything!” Martin huffed as he stomped away. “Then you’ll never ask me to do anything, and I’ll never have to do anything ever again!”
    “Of course I knew, Fru Fru!” Judy laughed as she pulled the yams out of the broiler and stacked the tray atop the pot. “I can always tell when you’re plotting something!” She snapped her fingers at Redmond, but he refused to let go of her leg. “Oh, sure, an old bunny like me? It’s been so long I wouldn’t even know how to flirt!”
    Martin was tugging at her shirt. “Mommy, Nick is here, but he’s acting really, really weird.”
    Judy froze.
    From the living room, she could hear the excited shriek of several kits and a deep roar.
    The timer dinged and began counting down again. Judy tossed the towel up from the floor with her toes and wiped her paws clean. “You’re too sweet to try!” she cooed into the phone, handing Martin a pair of oven mitts. “Listen, I have to get going, but you go off and have fun yourself!” Martin was already taking the pots and pans off the oven and directing a blinking Redmond to get the silverware as Judy made her way into the livingroom. “Of course! You too! Goodbye!”
    The happy cries in the living room died down as Judy entered the living room, her kits watching Nick stumble to-and-fro. His signature ‘big bad fox’ impression, usually much more popular with the crowd, was undercut by his dripping wet fur and clothes. Her children giggled as he slurred his snarls and growls incomprehensibly with his threats of gobbling them up.
    “Hey, look!” he gazed half-lidded at Judy, “It's Mommy Hopps! Everybody say ‘hi’ to Mommy!”
    Her children glanced at her, smiling. A few waved at her along with Nick.
    From the kitchen, the timer dinged and began counting down again.
    Judy a deep breath before she clapped her paws as loud as she could and put on her most cheerful expression. “Oh-kay! Who wants to get Nick a towel?” She felt Martin race from behind her to the linen closet. “And dinner is ready, everyone! Go ahead and take your seat at the table!”
    The crowd of kits all snickered and pinched each other as they ran past Judy into the kitchen, glancing and making faces at Nick as they went.
    Judy stood still, her ears slowly falling behind her, and Nick dripped and swayed like he had swam to her apartment.
    “Just my luck that I’m not hungry,” he smirked, “because-- boy, Carrots! It sure smells delicious.”

---

    “In my defense, you did say ‘always’,” Nick chuckled from underneath the towel.
    Judy dropped the bedsheets and pillow onto the couch.
    “You sure you don’t want me to leave? Really, it’s no problem!” He whipped the towel over his shoulders.
    “Nick,” Judy unfolded the linen, “it's raining, and you’re in no condition to leave.”
    “I got here alright, so I can get back alright.”
    “Did you drive here?”
    “Obviously I took my boat.” He laughed. “How would I have gotten this wet if I drove? I walked here. It wasn’t raining that hard at the time, so I figured I’d walk. Then, the rain and the wind,” he slapped a paw against his forehead, shaking his head in disbelief, “it just blew my umbrella straight out of my paw! Just my luck, right?”
    Judy continued to shove the spread into the sofa cushions. It wasn’t a perfect fit, but it would do.
    “Anyway, that’s why I was wet.”
    “Are wet.” Judy fished out an annoying stray thread from the blanket and flicked it to float in the air. Immediately after she had said it, she regretted it.
    “I did try to call you,” Nick muttered sheepishly. “And text you.”
    “I was on a call,” Judy straightened out the blanket. “For some reason, I just don’t get notifications while I’m on a call.”
    “Well, not like you missed anything important I was trying to tell you, right?”
    Judy realized the blanket was thrown on lengthwise and pulled it up to fix it.
    “Sorry,” Nick mumbled. “I shouldn’t have shown up like I did, I know. If you want me to go home, I’ll go home.”
    The bed properly made, Judy took a seat next to Nick.
    “Nick, stay the night. It's storming like crazy and I don’t want you going home in this condition.”
    “Look, I know I’m a mess. And I’ve made a mess of the place. Let’s just forget this happened and I’ll leave.”
    “You’re welcome to stay here. This place is always a mess anyway. There’s plenty of leftovers for breakfast, and if you’re leaving for work early tomorrow you’ll shower before everyone else.”
    “I’m not going to work tomorrow.”
    Judy’s ears raised. “I don’t remember you getting Sundays off.”
    Nick waved a paw.
    “Really?” Judy smirked. “You’re taking tomorrow off just because you got wasted?”
    Nick frowned. “What are you talking about?”
    Judy let out a laugh. “Nick, you’re drunk.”
    He squinted in confusion. “No, I’m not.”
    Judy stood back up to refluff the pillow.
    “Wait a minute,” Nick’s voice became louder. “Did you ask me if I drove here because you thought I drove here drunk?”
    “I just wanted to know where your car was,” Judy lied. The pillow refused to keep fluffed, deflating every time she put it back on the couch.
    “I’m not drunk!” repeated Nick. “I walked to a restaurant and had one cocktail-- with food! That’s why I wasn’t hungry! Then I remember you invited me to dinner, and I guess I decided to walk!”
    “You just decided to go for a walk in the rain.” She chortled.
    “Yeah, a walk!” Nick replied defensively. “A walk to clear my head! I went for a walk to the restaurant to clear my head, and honestly, it made me feel better! Is that so crazy? Isn’t that something people say to do when you have things on your mind?”
    Judy realized that Nick might not want to get into it tonight and started to smooth the already straightened bedsheet beneath her.
    “So I decided to also walk to your place, and as soon as I was halfway there, the rain and the wind-- my damn umbrella-- I kept texting you to please pick me up, please! It was exhausting running over here! I wasn’t drunk, Hopps, I was dead tired and had a million things on my mind!”
    “I believe you,” sighed Judy. “I’m sorry.”
    “Just my luck. I decide to come to see you, and what happens?”
    Nick’s face disappeared beneath the towel as he furiously scrubbed his head.
    “Clawhauser says ‘hi’, by the way.” His fur poofed with static. “Everyone says ‘hi’. They say you should come down and visit sometime again.”
    Judy perked up and smiled. “I’d come by more often, but I’m kind of… well, stuck here, you know?” She leaned forward, eager. “How is everyone? How is work?”
    “Awful.” Judy’s ears fell back down. “I hate every second of it.”
    Judy took a moment. “Tough cases?”
    “‘Tough cases’!” Nick laughed. “It's the same thing everyday! I’m out on a speedtrap every day! There’s nothing going on!”
    “Well,” she offered, “you’re still the first fox officer of the ZPD! You know,” she clasped her paws, “just being that is… really honorable, Nick.”
    “Super honorable!” Nick snorted, pulling an annoying thread out from his fur. “I’m a veritable celebrity! They roll down their window, I ask for licence and registration, they say, ‘Wha-a-at? A FOX cop? Are you the Nick Wilde from the news? The one who cracked the Night Howler case?’ They usually get to asking about whatever happened to my bunny partner--”
    Judy stood up to start putting away the toys left scattered across the living room, preparing herself. Nick did want to get into it tonight.
    “--before I return with a big fat ticket, and suddenly they’re not too happy about meeting the first fox officer of the ZPD anymore! Just my luck, right?”
    As Nick chuckled to himself, Judy forced herself to take long, even breaths. She needed to remain calm. She wasn’t going to start it, no matter how much Nick wanted it.
    “You don’t know how it feels, Carrots,” he prodded, “but-- the glamour of being a cop? When you’ve done it as long as I have, it all becomes one big blur.”
    Judy got into a rhythm of bending over and picking up toys and dolls and coloring books and standing back up to put them underneath her arm. “Well, even if you’re not getting enough respect for it, you’re making Zootopia a better place. That should mean a lot to you,” she kept her voice passive, non-aggressive, “even if people don’t always appreciate you. And, who knows?” She looked to him again, his face as plastic as hers. “Maybe something exciting will happen in the future? You never know!”
    “Yeah, you never know.” Nick nodded at an even pace. “Just wish I had a partner to come along with me.”
    Judy knew she shouldn’t respond. She knew what would happen if she did. She couldn’t be the one to start it. If he was going to do it, Nick would have to be the one to throw the first punch.
    But Nick was silent, nodding evenly, watching her bend over to pick up stray bits of train sets and blocks and crayons and right herself in a constant rhythm.
    The storm outside was deafening.
    They didn’t even know how much time had passed.
    The moment was over. The crisis had been averted. Everything would simmer down back to normal eventually.
    Everything was quiet. They couldn’t even hear the pounding rain right outside the window.
    “You had more of a partner than I ever had,” The words tumbled out of Judy’s mouth as she turned to face him, “and you have more of a partner now than I have now, so maybe you should stop whining.”
    Screw it. She wanted it. She wanted it bad.
    “It’s pathetic how painfully obvious you hated my relationship with Skye,” Nick spat, hunger in his grin. “It’s like you thought the entire marriage was some way of getting revenge on you.”
    “I think Skye’s the one who hated your relationship with her.”
    Nick brought a paw up and rubbed his cheek, repositioning himself in the couch. “Oh, so we’re doing it dirty?”
    “Give me everything you got, Slick!”
    “You must think I’m such a shitty cop,” Nick threw out his paw in the air, “to think I would drive here drunk!”
    “Yeah, I admit it!” Judy tossed back, “I thought you might have driven here drunk! I thought if you were drunk enough to think you could show up drunk, then maybe you might have been drunk enough to think you could drive over drunk, because you being stupid can only account for so much!”
    She shoved all of the toys in a toybox and slammed the lid down, but it refused to close.
    “Wow! I gotta hand it to you, Carrots!” Nick faked a steady applause. “You sure have this dumb fox figured out!”
    “Go to bed, Nick.”
    “No, really! You got me all figured out,” he sang. “You got everything figured out!”
    “You’re drunk,” she shot, trying to keep him at bay.
    “Of course I am!” Nick rocked in his seat. “Dumb, whiny fox like me? I probably get plastered every night! What do I care? I’m just a shitty cop, according to you! Really, you should give me lessons!”
    “I have nine kits to take care of, so excuse me if I don’t also have time to teach a big, blubbering baby how to be a proper police officer!”
    “Who said anything about cop lessons?” Nick riposted. “I meant quitting lessons.”
    She reeled.
    She had to say something. This was Nick: he always went for the one-two--
    “You know what I think? I think Jack isn't the only one who walked out on their responsibilities,” he finished with a flourish.
    All the wind had been knocked out of her.
    “What was I supposed to do?!” She bellowed, electrified. “Raise nine kits AND work full time as a police officer?! It’s not the same situation as yours, Nick! I don’t have anyone to drop the kids off to for two weeks at a time!”
    “You had a choice.” Nick’s face was firm with a winning grin. “And you made it.”
    Something ringed in her mind and she was startled at the feeling that she might drown.
    “Yes! I admit it!” Judy roared, tossing her paws into her forehead. “I didn’t want to! Not in a million years! But I was by myself in a shitty situation without any husband or family or anyone at all to help me through it, so I made my choice, Wilde! It was the best that I could do!”
    For a moment, there was silence.
    Judy’s vision stopped blurring, and she was shocked to see Nick’s face broken, his smile contorted into something horrible.
    She stared in disbelief. No matter how hard she thought back, she couldn’t figure out what she had said that hit him so hard.
    But both of them jumped-- their ears perked up at the sound of an unmistakable something, a sound both were highly attuned to listen for, even-- especially-- in the most pressing and private situations. Both shot their attention to the hallway.
    A kit in striped pajamas stared back.
    “Baby!” Judy’s voice was soft with worried surprised as she hurried over to her child. “What are you doing up so late? It's way past bedtime!”
    The kit blinked. “I got scared because of the thunder.”
    “Oh, precious!” Judy hugged the little kit and nuzzled his neck. “There was no thunder! You’re lying to mommy! Now,” she smiled as she brushed the kit’s ears back, “go back to your room, snuggle up nice and cozy in bed,” she hugged him, “and tell everyone else that if anyone else tries to eavesdrop, they’ll be grounded for a week too, just like you!”
    The bunny nodded. “It was Pepper’s idea.”
    “I bet it was!” Judy held the kit’s paws in her own. “And you listened to him! So you’re facing the consequences! Goodnight,” she called out to him as he left, blowing a kiss, “sweet dreams, pumpkin-lumpkin!”
    Judy sighed, smiling as he closed the door. “Sneaky little bastard.”
    “It probably was Pepper who put him up to it. He manipulates everyone.”
    “He learns it from me,” Judy sat back down next to Nick. “Did you know I told them all Mother’s Day comes once a month?”
    Nick’s eyebrows raised appreciatively. “That’s brilliant. Do you have it on a specific day?”
    “No. It’s just whenever I feel like having breakfast in bed or need them to shut up.”
    Nick chuckled. “I lied about the drinks. I had, like, four or five. I lost count.”
    “I know.” Judy made her way back to the hallway. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
    “Don’t go.”
    Judy turned around. “I’m going to bed, Nick.”
    “Just wait a while.”
    Judy laughed. “Nick, you can’t possibly want to continue this!”
    “No.” Nick shook his head. “Yes.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to end it like this.”
    Judy watched him hanging his head. She came over and took a seat at the foot of the couch next to him.
    “I just don’t want yet another person I care about to walk away hating me.”
    Judy snorted. “Wow, you’re drunker than I thought. I don’t hate you, Nick.”
    Nick shook his head. “I hope you know this is all because I’m going through something. My life’s blowing up in front of me, but once I’m back on my feet, this won’t happen again.”
    Judy faked a gag. “Nick, this is not the first time we’ve argued. It's not the first time we’ve taken our frustration out on each other. It’s not the first time we’ve said or done things we end up regretting. Hell, this isn’t the first time you’ve come over drunk!”
    Nick’s ears fell back and he let out an embarrassed guffaw.
    “This,” Judy motioned her paws between them, “really isn’t out of the ordinary for us, Nick. It's just something we’ve always done. It's something I think we’re always going to do.”
    Nick grimaced. “Shouldn’t we be better than that?”
    Judy shrugged. “Probably. But, for now, you got to work with what you got.” She gave Nick a nudge with her elbow. “I got you, and you got me. It’s not much, but it's worked for this long, so let’s just keep making it work. Okay?”
    Nick remained silent.
    Judy tapped her foot impatiently. “Do you want to say anything else?”
    Nick shrugged.
    Judy glanced at the clock. In her head, she began to run through everything she had planned for the next day. “Alright. I’m going to bed, Nick.”
    “Just wait for a while.” Nick sank back into the sofa bed. “Let me just collect my thoughts and we can keep talking.”
    Judy crossed her arms. “So, what? We’re just going to sit here in silence while you think?”
    The two sat in darkness, the rain falling outside.
    “We could just listen to the rain for a while,” Nick offered.
    Judy blinked. “Just… sit here and listen to the rain?”
    “Sure,” Nick shrugged, “why not?”
    Judy looked out the window. For a while, her thoughts were a jumble of times and dates and appointments and other insults she could have hurled at Nick during the fight, but the wandering beat of the rain pouring down from the sky drowned out her thoughts, and the whistling of the wind blew a sonorous hum as she began to close her eyes.

---

    Judy slowly woke to the sound of distant thunder.
    No, there wasn’t any thunder.
    The rain was falling soft now. She could even hear Nick’s quiet, steady breathing behind her.
    She was in the living room, under the covers on the sofa, and she could feel Nick behind her.
    She jerked her head around to face him.
    He had nudged his way into the crack of the sofa, on top of the blanket, back firmly affixed towards her.
    She let her breath go in relief. Sweet cheese and crackers, that would have been bad.
    Slowly she began to get out of the bed, but she paused: she didn’t want to wake up Nick.
    “Nick?” she whispered.
    Nick was silent.
    “Nick?” she whispered a touch louder. She turned her head to see if there was a response.
    Nick hadn’t moved at all.
    Slowly, quietly, she pulled up the blanket, and, pushing out her legs and twisting her arms out from under her so that she wouldn’t shake the sofa, she finally managed turn herself around to face him.
    “Nick, are you awake?”
    Nick didn’t respond.
    Holding her breath, she brought her paw from under the blanket and tapped Nick’s shoulder. “Nick, I’m going to bed.”
    She froze as Nick’s ear fluttered, but it could have been because of a breeze or the rain or a dream.
    She moved her paw down to his elbow and gave it a little shake, but not too much to wake him. “I’m going to my room to go to bed, okay? Nick?”
    No response. She lifted her head a bit, trying to get a look at his face, in case his eyes were open.
    His eyes were closed, mouth slightly ajar, and his chest rose and fell at a constant pace, never faltering from it's rhythm for as long as she watched him.
    “Nick,” she whispered into his ear-- softly, not wanting to wake him. “Are you awake?”
    His chest continued to rise and fall.
    “Do you want me to get you anything before I go? Water? Another blanket?” She held her breath. “Extra pillows?”
    Judy huffed and tried to see whether he was asleep by giving him a tiny poke to the ribs, but in the dark and with her nerves on edge, she misjudged where fur and flesh met and couldn’t keep control of her shaking paw, and accidentally raked her back of her nails softly down the length of his waist before drawing them back up the same path, and, listening to his steady, husky breathing, accidentally down once more--
    The fox took in a shuddering breath and Judy quickly slid her paw back under the covers, lay her head on the pillow, and closed her eyes as tight as she could. She felt him rustle next to her, but didn’t dare to move or breath.
    Nick let out a mumbled gasp, and Judy clenched her toes as she felt him rearrange himself. She continued feigning sleep-- she had to give her kits credit, it was harder to do than she thought-- for what seemed like an eternity, trying to calm herself by listening to the rhythmic breathing of the fox.
    It sounded much louder than it had before.
    Her eyes shot open and she stared into the orange blur of Nick’s chest, inches away from her face.
    Her breath was caught in her throat, and she couldn’t begin to explain that it was an accident and that all she was trying to do was to check if--
    “Am I really that bad at pretending to be asleep?”
    Judy tensed, tail wagging, eyes darting wildly about, choking as she--
    “I can always tell when you’re trying to pull a fast one on me,” she chuckled sarcastically.
    Nick started to chuckle along with her as Judy felt beads of sweat collect on her forehead.
    “How do you do it?”
    Judy glanced up at him. No, Nick couldn’t see her: she couldn’t see his eyes.
    “Do what?”
    “This,” mumbled, casting his paw around the room. “All of this, and all by yourself. How do you do it?”
    She peered behind her at the television with DVDs cases strewn open in front of it and video game controllers tangled together, at the entrance to the kitchen where half of the dishes from last night toppled over the half of the dishes from the night before that, and at the toy box, lid still ajar with action figures and model airplanes and knotted jump ropes sticking out from inside.
    “I,” Judy furrowed her brow, anxious, “don’t really feel comfortable talking about this right now…”
    Nick was still for a moment. Judy wondered for a second that he might have been talking in his sleep, or in some drunken stupor. These thoughts left her as she felt a paw slide from under the pillow to rest underneath her head, curling up the base of her neck.
    “Better?”
    She tried to say, ‘You know that’s not what I meant, you humongous dolt!’ but couldn’t remember the words as she felt a nail softly tracing up and down between her ears, and her thoughts slowly blurred.
    “Nick, are you drunk?”
    “Nope.”
    “It's late, and you’re not even awake. I bet you’re not thinking properly.”
    “It’s 5 AM. Clock says so right there.”
    She fell into a rhythm of breathing in and out along with the nail running up and down the back of her head.
    “Doesn’t that mean you’re going to be late for work?” She immediately felt stupid when she finished asking the question.
    She felt Nick shake his head. “I’m not going to work.”
    The air around Judy suddenly stopped feeling electric.
    “Nick, last night… “She asked. “What you said about… lessons--”
    The nail stopped moving.
    “I’m quitting,” he answered. “I don’t want to be a cop anymore. I’m quitting.”
    Judy took a moment to process what Nick had just said before looking up at him.
    She couldn’t see his eyes.
    “That’s…” Judy shook her head. “Nick, you love being a cop.”
    “I hate being a cop.” Nick shook his head. “I’ve honestly hated being a cop for as long as I can remember.”
    Judy felt it hard to breath due to the lump growing in her throat.
    “Nick,” Judy repeated. He was a liar. She could always tell. “You love being a cop!” She’d do or give up anything just to hear him say those words.
    Nick was quiet for a while. “Maybe I did, when I was younger. But it's not something an old fox like me should be doing. I don’t even know why I became a cop.”
    “You became a cop to stop being a… a small-time crook!”
    “I don’t know which is worse-- ‘crook’, or ‘small-time’!” His laugh faded into a sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe I became a cop because that was the only alternative I had at the time.” He shrugged. “Looking back, I can’t remember feeling really passionate about it. It was always just… work.”
    “Nick,” Judy tried to push herself back to stand up to look Nick in the eyes, but accidentally pressed her head to touch the bottom of his muzzle.
    She felt Nick’s neck tense as held his breath for a moment.
    “Nick,” she continued, “you’re not really thinking… right, right now.”
    “I’m not drunk--”
    “--and you’re not tired! But everything that’s happening right now,” she shook her head, feeling the bristles of Nick’s chin brushing the top of her head, keeping her breath steady, “it's happening really fast, and taking it all really hard, and you’re not in a place where you can think about these things clearly!”
    Nick didn’t respond.
    “So, you need to slow down,” she went on, her breath racing, “because if you rush into something now, you’re going to make it based on how you feel now,” her paws rose from under the covers, “and you might do something you end up regretting when you look back on it.”
    Judy couldn’t get a clear view of Nick’s eyes, even when she tilted her head back over his muzzle. She tried to bring his face down to hers so she could see them, but her paws accidentally coursed through the fur of his neck, slick and warm to the touch, even as she kneaded her fingers up to the base of his ears. She could even feel the warmth of his breath slip past her parted lips and cascade over the tip of her tongue as he whispered, “What are you doing?”
    Judy opened her eyes and stared into Nick’s. “What am I doing?” she held her breath. “I was trying to see if you were awake.” She blinked. “I wanted to know if you’d like an extra pillow.”
    “Judy…”
    She felt the pillow beneath her deflate as the fox’s arm reeled back. She lay still as he righted himself, pulling his legs and tail close himself as he sat.
    “You’re right. I shouldn’t rush into some decision without thinking it through. I’m bound to do something I regret.”
    The sofa rocked as Nick hoisted himself over Judy.
    “It's not raining anymore, just my luck. If I leave now, I can just make it to my apartment for a shower and my uniform, and make it back in time to avoid a month of ticket duty.” He chuckled as he landed onto the ground. “Really, Bogo’s a blessing in disguise: as crazy as life gets, you can at least rely on good ol’ Chief Bogo to be consistent with his punishments.”
    Judy turned around to watch him throw his still damp shirt and pants on, pick up the contents of his pockets from the table and head to the door. “Listen, I’m not quitting the force. Heck, I’m too old for a career change: that’s something only a young fox can do! Honestly, I was being melodramatic. I actually do love being a cop. All that stuff-- look, me and Skye, we-- I think I just wasn’t sure whether-- I think I was really talking about--”
    “We’ll continue this later, Carrots.” He gingerly held the door in his fingertips before turning to apologize. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll get back into the swing of things. Tell the kits I said ‘hi’, and go easy on Roger-- you know Pepper put him up to it.” He went to leave, but jerked back a moment later. “But, also go easy on Pepper-- he was just curious about Uncle Nick.”
    With that, smiled, gave a short wave goodbye with his fingers, and disappeared through the door.
    Judy lie on the sofa, not moving or breathing, her eyes wide and unblinking, holding her stomach. She stared at the door intently until it began to blur.
    She couldn’t figure out what she should have said.
    She stared out the window and saw the rain slicked glass, her mind buzzing with too many thoughts to keep track of. She tried to calm down by listening to the rain--
    But there was no sound of the rain falling. No matter how hard she strained her ears, she couldn’t even hear a single raindrop over his footsteps becoming softer and softer.

---

    Not even a second later, Judy shot off the sofa, the blanket trailing it behind her like a cape, and bolted through the door, tearing after Nick. She knew exactly what she needed to say to fix everything.
    “Wa-a-a-it!” she wailed like a banshee.
    Nick jumped and spun around, looking like he had just seen a ghost.
    “I had help!” she gasped, “I had help!”
    Nick’s nose twitched in confusion. “What?”
    “I had help,” she tried to breath, “that’s how I did it! That’s the answer to your question! That’s how I’m able to do all of this: you helped me through everything! You were always there for me, whether I needed help cleaning the apartment or playing with the kits or carrying groceries, you were always there to help me! I didn’t mean to say I didn’t have any help! I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you!”
    It took Nick a moment to figure out what she had said, and another to put put it into context. When he did, he put on a gamely smile. “Well,” he gave her a thumbs up, “I... I’ll always be there for you! Just, uh, call if you need me to clean the kit’s groceries, or whatever.”
    “And I’m here for you, too!” Judy went on to Nick’s dismay, but she knew exactly what she needed to tell him. “I’m here if you need help! And I can help you! Because I’m in the same--”
Judy blinked.
“Well, it's not the same situation-- it's not the same situation at all!-- but I’ve gone through--” Judy couldn’t take the time to find the words: she didn’t have time to waste. “--something like the same situation you’re going through, so if you ever need help,--”
    “Right, right, right!” Nick begged her, slowly backing away. “Always welcome! And I promise the next time I come over, I won’t be a mess!”
    “You’re going to be a mess, Nick!” Judy couldn’t see how taken aback Nick was at this: she had closed her eyes to try and focus on remembering what she needed to say. “You’re going to be depressed and feel like a loser and think it’s all your fault, and it's not going to be better for a long, long time! It might never get better! It’ll probably get worse!”
    Nick shook the confused look off his face. “Great to look forward to! Really, though, I think I’ll be alright. I just need time to pick myself up--”
    “That’s right!” Judy shrieked, causing Nick’s tail to fuzz in alarm. She remembered what she wanted to say, but she needed to say it quick before it was too late. “When your life is lying shattered in front of you, all you can do is pick up the pieces and put them back together best you can! You’ll want it to be perfect, but it can’t be perfect, because it's broken, so you have to make due with what you’ve got, and you’ve got me, Nick! I’ll be there like you were there for me, and I’ll help you make the best of this stupid, shitty situation like you helped me make the best of my stupid, shitty, stupid, dumb--”
    Judy opened her eyes.
    What she was saying wasn’t going to magically fix anything.
    In fact, looking back on it, it seemed rather pathetic, and probably crazy. Nick was certainly staring at her like she was crazy.
    Yet again, she had rushed headlong into something without thinking, just because it sounded good at the time. She never knew when to just quit.
    The only thing that could make this all worse was if she started crying.

---

    Nick gulped. “Is… there anything else you want to say?”
    All of a sudden, Judy fell straight down into the sheets wrapped around her. The comforter billowed with air for a moment, the air slowly escaping like a deflated balloon, and Judy began to let out an air siren-like cry.
    Nick stood frozen in terror, clutching his ears. Around the hallway, he spotted doors opening ajar with the eyes of curious and furious neighbors watching from behind them.
    “Oh-kay!” he said in a sing-song voice. “That’s wonderful! Now, let’s pick ourselves up--” he grunted as he tried to bring the lump of blankets and bunny to it's feet, but it refused to right itself, “--or, I’ll pick you up,” he sighed as he scooped the whole pile into his arms, “and let’s make the best of this situation we find ourselves here, huh?”
    He carried her back into her apartment and, unable to find out which end of the linen ball was her head, plopped her gently onto the couch.
    “Here we are! Alrighty, you feeling better?”
    From within the pile, Judy honked as she blew her nose into the bedsheets.
    “Attractive! Got it all out of you?”
    The covers bumped up and down as Judy’s moans were interrupted by hiccups.
    “Fantastic!” Nick took a deep breath and clapped his paws together as quietly as he could. “Let start apologizing, then, hmm? Won’t that make you feel better? I’m really sorry that I showed up last night drunk: it was immature, childish, stupid of me-- and I’m sure you’ll think up more words when you’re feeling better!”
    Nick waited.
    The Judy bundle’s crying began to rise louder than it fell.
    “And,” he went on, “I am sorry for fighting with you last night! I was angry!” He glanced around. “Not at you!” He shrugged. “Maybe at you. I don’t know!” he laughed, “I was angry! Angry at the world! And you’re part of my world, Carrots-- for better or worse! Usually for the better!”
Judy was causing the sheets to swell and dip like a beating heart as she sucked in air for her next explosive sob.
    “A-a-and,” he strained, leaning to-and-fro on his feet, “I am super duper sorry about the whole…” he waved his arms in a circle until he realized Judy couldn’t see him, “...thing! That happened! The thing that happened right here between us! I was probably drunk or tired or having a midlife crisis or something, but I’m sorry about it! Let’s just forget the thing ever ever happened so we can go back to our happy dysfunctional selves!”
    The Judy-lump voiced its disagreement with an ear-splitting lament.
    Nick rubbed his eyes hard with his palms and stretched his face back, flashing back to when Clyde was in diapers. Whether his eardrums had called it quits or his brain had shut off, he no longer heard any crying.
    “Judy, listen: I have no idea what I’m doing. I had a wife and a life and a routine and now I don’t, and yesterday I went for a walk and didn’t know where I was going. I came here because, well,” he let go of his breath, “I wanted to see you! I knew you’d cheer me up! It seems like there’s no mess you can’t clean up, so I came here! I don’t know how, but you can always do it! And if what you say is true, and you’ve been able to do all this--”
    He waved his arms around the room, to the TV where every Friday the kits would gather around for movie night and each would be given a bowl of their favorite snacks, from walnuts without shells to popcorn with not-too-much butter and even fresh blueberries; to the kitchen where there’d always be a home-cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner ready every day for nine plus herself and sometimes him and Clyde; and to the toy box full of spinning tops and wind-up robots and cork-guns and all sorts of things that Nick and Clyde and the kits would play with when they came over and that Clyde would beg him to buy for his own home but he could never seem to find.
    “--because of my help? Mine? A dumb old fox like me? Then I know I’ll be okay, because I’ll have your help-- that’s the best help I could ever ask for! Knowing you’re here for me makes me feel better about this whole situation!”
    He took a deep breath.
    “So, does that make you feel better?”
    For a moment, everything was still. The ringing in Nick’s ears slowly gave way as the silence washed over him.
With a crinkle of the sheets, Judy’s head emerged from the linens, glossy with tears and snot, eyes puffy and red, cracked lips parted with a bit of drool hanging off of them.
    She nodded.
    “Oh thank goodness!” Nick smiled, releasing his breath. “That makes me feel better, too. We’re all feeling better, because we’re all feeling better!”
    Nick glanced to the clock and stopped feeling better.
    “I am going to be very, very late,” Nick winced, “and Bogo is going to be very, very angry.”
    Judy looked morosely out the window. Clearing her throat of everything wet and sticky in it, she managed to finally speak. “You’re really going out in this weather?”
    Nick checked to see if they were looking out the same window. “Rain basically stopped, Carrots.”
    “I don’t know,” croaked Judy, “I don’t trust those clouds.”
    Nick shrugged. “I mean, it might start raining again. Knowing my luck, it probably will. One of those things you can never count on.”
    Judy raised an eyebrow. “What’s Bogo’s punishment for coming in an hour late?”
    “A month of ticket duty.”
    Judy nodded, sniffing up the contents of her nose and swallowing them. “And what’s the punishment for coming in… four hours late?”
    Nick blinked. “A month of ticket duty?”
    Judy perked her lip at this interesting tidbit. “And you haven’t had breakfast yet, either.” Judy shook her head. “Can’t start a day without breakfast. Coming in an hour late without breakfast is worse than coming in four hours late well-fed.”
    “I… didn’t eat dinner last night,” he admitted. “I’m pretty hungry.”
    “Yeah…” Judy watched out the window. “Rainy, stormy day like this? Best to have breakfast in bed.”
    “Breakfast in bed?”
    “Breakfast in bed. Always makes me feel better having breakfast in bed, so you should have breakfast in bed. Take my advice, I’m an expert on this.”
    Nick felt uncomfortable in his damp shirt. “I guess you’re right: late is late, and breakfast in bed sounds pretty good right now.” He looked at the stained covers wrapped around Judy. “Maybe not with those gross blankets, though.”
    Judy looked down at her giant draped tissue, glistening silver in the light.
    “Breakfast in my bed.”
    Nick huffed. “Your bed?”
    Judy gathered the blankets closer to her. “Too much? I haven’t flirted in a long time.”
    The tips of Nick’s ears began to vibrate. “Carrots, I don’t--” He bit his lip. “I meant it when I said I didn’t want to rush into something I might regret. Don’t you think this might damage our friendship?”
    He immediately felt stupid when he finished asking the question.
    “Oh, definitely.” Judy’s monotone grunt cracked against her frayed throat, sore from her screaming session. “We wouldn’t want to do or say anything that damages our friendship.”
    “Shouldn’t we…” He blinked. “I mean, is this really the best thing to do? Especially right now, considering what's going on in our lives?”
    Judy sighed and looked to Nick. “Nick, these past few days, you’ve been acting like such a fucking loser.”
    Nick glanced out the window. The rays of the sun were just beginning to make their way out behind the clouds.
    “You’ve been a miserable bitch for a while, too, I suppose.”
    Judy nodded. “So, let’s make the best of this shitty situation and settle on be two miserable losers eating leftovers in bed together.”
    There was no sound in the apartment-- not even the spying kits in the hallway made any noise as they strained to hear what Nick’s answer would be.
    “Well,” Nick finally replied, “when you put it that way, it sounds better than the alternative, I suppose.”
    The kits all watched as Nick and Judy went hunched over into the kitchen, pulled out all the leftovers from the fridge, stacked the plates in both of their arms and held silverware in their mouths, and carry their breakfast into the hallway. As the two approached, the kits raced back into their beds and pretended to be asleep. They all held their breaths until they heard the bedroom door close and click with the turning lock.
    “I didn’t know it was Mother’s Day,” Redmond mumbled.
    “Comes earlier every month,” Pepper shook his head.
    “Maybe it's Uncle’s Day?” Eva asked. “Or maybe it's both? Can it even be both?”
    “We should all make two cards,” Martin shrugged, “just in case.”