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RGRE Prompt Collection 04

Uh-hmmm May 19th, 2018 (edited) 1,301 Never
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  1. >Anon is a world famous doctor and pioneer in the field back on Earth.
  2. >In Equestria, he's just a ditzy colt.
  3. >Even after reading every text on pony medicine and demonstrated near-perfect memory, he's still dismissed.
  4. >Through all his efforts to be recognized, he's only managed to convince Nurse Red Heart of his skills.
  5. >Unfortunately, no pony would listen to either of them, and so Anon becomes an unofficial consultant to Red Heart with her often going to him in secret for his opinion.
  6. >Despite breaching patient/doctor confidentiality, Nurse Red Heart cannot feel guilty with how many lives her human friend has helped her save.
  7. >Even so, every word of praise ways heavily on her soul, knowing someone else deserves it.
  14. >Anon is hit on constantly by mares, each one vying for the exotic male's attention.
  15. >They're sure he'll choose one of them, until he doesn't.
  16. >No, instead he chooses Zecora.
  17. >When mares try to casually ask why he chose the Everfree hermit, Anon shrugs and answers, "Smaller vagina."
  18. >It's a real world biological fact that zebra's indeed have smaller genitals than horses, and this translates to RGREquestria in the equivalence of "Big Black Cock."
  19. >Damn Zebra mares and There Tight Striped Pussies!
  20. >Stealing all their stallions!
  27. >Anon innaquestria
  28. >also-has-a-dog edition
  29. >things are nice
  30. >mares are both scared and interested to see the differences between an Earth dog and an Equestrian dog
  31. >scarinterested
  32. >also a little surprised that a colt, alien as he is, has such a vicious looking pet
  33. >vicious in that he has teeth, and obviously enjoys meat
  34. >mares in town play with the idea of Anon being as "wild" as his pet
  35. >sexually, of course
  36. >but then, disaster strikes!
  37. >doggo wanders off
  38. >Anon is sent into a panic at the prospect of not only losing his dear friend, but his only link back to Earth as well
  39. >scurries around town, searching high and low with his friends, passes out fliers, and is constantly out calling for him
  40. >gets to the point that some mares are concerned that he isn't even sleeping, or at least not healthily
  41. >by the time his dog is returned to him, Anon's image as a strong janefilly that don't need no mare is practically shattered
  42. >the blubbering hugs and kisses at the reunion probably didn't help matters either
  44. Anon had a herding dog like a border collie.
  45. Doggo constantly gathers up Ponies and leads them wherever
  58. >"A wager?"
  59. >"What?"
  60. >"Please. There's arrogance and then there's foolishness, stallion."
  61. >"No one's ever been able to best me on the tabletop."
  62. >"My stormcolts have never faltered, and I very much doubt they will now."
  63. >"...Still, it is an interesting bet."
  64. >"I am quite hungry, and having a willing slave to feed on would be very beneficial."
  65. >"Very well, I accept. Bring out your dice and your army. I will happily crush them. Whatever they may be."
  66. >"Ohmygosh!"
  67. >"I'm playing a stallion!"
  68. >"I've never played with a stallion before!"
  69. >"Calm down, Chryssi!"
  70. >"You need to be cool! Solid! Dark and menacing yet approachable!"
  71. >"And you can't kick the horse apples out of him either! If you do that he won't play with you again!"
  72. >"Oh fill, is that a motherbucking lizard army?!"
  73. >"A fully PAINTED lizard army?!"
  74. >"Holy honeyseed, that toad wizard is gonna be a problem with those bastilidons..."
  75. >"Letsfuckinggo!"
  83. >Things after the Canterlot wedding had been tense, what with the knowledge of changelings coming to light.
  84. >And when their queen kidnapped three foals, every parent in the kingdom was put on edge.
  85. >Even Cadence was worried what the dastardly queen would do next.
  86. >Was Flurry Heart safe?
  87. >Shining thought so, but only because Chrysalis was a real pal.
  88. >Not that anyone knew that, of course.
  89. >The days leading up to his wedding night had actually been some of the funnest he could remember.
  90. >Well... of what he could remember, anyway, seeing as how he was partially mind controlled.
  91. >It's probably why he didn't find it suspicious when his fiance suddenly became super into all of his nerdy hobbies.
  92. >Playing Hyperspace Hyperwars with the one you think you love is amazing.
  93. >A friendship had been forged then that petty things like attempted invasions and identity theft could never break.
  94. >The two had become PenPals at first, and eventually began arranging meetings.
  95. >They would often go to conventions together with the changeling queen disguised as a regular pony.
  96. >Usually a stallion so Cadence wouldn't get jealous.
  97. >As a matter of fact, their friendship had become so strong that, when a foalsitter called off on them, Shining had turned to his best pal to fill in.
  98. >Cadence never realized that her husband's nerdy colt friend was in fact her mortal enemy.
  99. >If she did, she probably wouldn't have been too keen with leaving her daughter with him.
  100. >When they returned from their dinner that night, they found the foalsitter showing their starry-eyed daughter "his" massive collection of Hyperspace miniatures.
  101. >Great, now Cadence had to worry about her daughter becoming a nerd like her husband.
  102. >It was cute when it was stallions, but she rather her daughter not end up a kissles virgin like her sister-in-law.
  103. >Actually... Cadence's shipping sense was thinking this stallion might be perfect for Twilight.
  104. >Chrysalis was just hopeful to have another friend to share her hobby with
  113. >A human's magical potential requires another to awaken it.
  114. >One who has already had their potential unlocked that is.
  115. >And what they can do is heavily influenced by the one who awakened them.
  116. >They are almost like a sponge, absorbing the 'shape' of the activating magic.
  117. >Unlike on Earth, magic users are everywhere.
  118. >Anon learns that he is magical, despite what he initially thought, when after he sleeps with his waifu for the first time, he becomes more like her, magically.
  119. >If she was a unicorn, he can levitate things, and in time, cast spells
  120. >If she was a pegasus, he can cloudwalk, and in time, he could fly and manipulate weather.
  121. >If she was an Earth Pony, he gets inexplicably stronger and hardier, and in time, would develop a green thumb. (by which I mean pull erf pone plant magic, not literally have a green thumb. He already has a green everything by default.)
  124. >Anon discovers this, and thinks it's pretty neat.
  125. >Magic plus a deeper bond with his waifu.
  126. >When the second human comes to Equestria, Anon mentions this discovery and demonstrates his pony-like magic.
  127. >Little does he know what mistake he has just made, for Incognito is evil and has dark ambitions.
  128. >He leaves for Canterlot, and Anon is happy to later to hear from Twilight than Incognito has started dating Princess Celestia and Luna.
  129. >While Anon himself could never get comfortable with the idea of herding, he's happy for the princesses.
  130. >That is until the alicorn sisters are sent hurdling off the side of the Canterhorn mountain a month later by a powerful blast of fire magic.
  131. >It doesn't take long for Incognito to declare his rule over Equestria, using his Alicorn-awakened magic to assert his dominance.
  132. >While one man alone should not have been able to accomplish such a thing, Incognito had already planned ahead.
  133. >The three days leading up to his betrayal, ponies all across the kingdom had been plagued by terrible nightmares.
  134. >It was Incognito's intent to use his dream-magic gained from Luna to leave every pony who could oppose him sleep deprived, and by the time Luna pegged him as the culprit, she herself was already run ragged through her constant fighting of the night terrors.
  135. >Now, Anon has resolved to defeat his fellow human, feeling responsible for the fate that has befallen his new home
  138. Humans absorb the magical effects of those they like and specially of those they love, while the ones of those they dislike are nullified ore even inverted.
  140. If affection and love is lost, then so are the magical powers, slowly but surely
  143. Changeling rules.
  144. Love is given and absorbed; loving someone means you are sending energy to them, not the other way.
  145. Anon takes on the magic of the one who is sending the most love his way and he absorbs their abilities thusly. This means that a human, like how Incognito did it, can trick ponies into loving him without returning the feeling so as to steal their magic.
  146. Also means that Anon can acutally end up taking on the magic of a pony who loves him without knowing it.
  147. >Anon has a stalker.
  148. >He begins to develop pony magic inexplicably
  151. >Anon is being pursued by a ghost pony.
  152. >She often sighs wistfully as she watches the beautiful man go about his business, unaware that his soulmate is following right behind him.
  153. >If only she could reach out and touch him...
  154. "Huh, what the fuck?" Anon whips around and scans the empty street behind him.
  155. >Faint Trace freezes as her love stares right through her, eyes squinting.
  156. >For a moment, Anon thinks he sees a shimmer in the air, but shrugs it off.
  157. >He must be imagining things.
  158. >Still, he could have sworn he felt something cold brush against his neck.
  159. >Probably the wind, he figures, turning up the collar of his jacket and making his way home.
  160. >Fall's just around the bend, after all.
  161. >Trace stares at her hoof, shocked, before quickly following the retreating figure.
  162. >Over the next few months, Anon starts seeing more and more strange things; shimmers in the air and scurrying across the ground.
  163. >As well as a large one that seems to constantly float beside him.
  164. >He goes to Twilight, but she can't tell him much beyond that his magic is apparently growing.
  165. >As exciting as this is for her, it does jackshit for him and his fraying nerves.
  166. >Everything comes to a head on Nightmare Night, when the veil between the world's of the living and dead is thinnest.
  167. >It's then that he finally gets a good look at his waifu, floating at the foot of his bed without wings, a blush across her cheeks, and a large gash splitting her neck.
  168. >"H-hi, Anon..." she says impossibly despite her severed windpipe.
  169. >Thus the human has become the first true spirit medium Equestria has ever had.
  170. "Ah! Holy fuck!"
  171. >And he doesn't handle it all too gracefully
  175. >The process also creates an unbreakable bond all the way down to the soul. There is no possible way to have a more intimate relationship.
  176. >But it only works with the first pony. Any after them and the effect just doesn't happen.
  177. >It creates some conflict, because most mares want a herd for the tradition and security even if being mono means more attention for themselves. The bond's existence means that there will always be a favorite mare, though.
  178. >And males who play favorites drive herds into the ground.
  179. >That's all on top of the sudden and confusing emotions and thoughts the mare can now feel from her human.
  180. >Some of the emotions she can't even name and thoughts run through his head so fast that peering in too long is a migraine waiting to happen. 
  181. >But then a rolling wave of love and adoration for her pours in from the bond, making her knees weak, her face hot, and her heart soar.
  182. >There are bumps in the road for sure, but she's never been happier
  189. >Mare has a crush on Anon.
  190. >Whether she worked up the nerve to ask him out or Anon overhead something, somehow he knows she's interested.
  191. >To her shock, he's actually rather eager about the idea.
  192. >She's never dealt with a stallion who was actually interested in her.
  193. >She freaks out a little bit, spills spaghetti everywhere, and runs away when she fails to die of embarrassment.
  194. >Anon is left wondering what went wrong.
  195. >Answers aren't forthcoming, since she seems to be avoiding him, and maybe has even shut herself away in her house for the last few days.
  196. >Now it's up to their friends to help salvage the situation.
  203. >Sonata tries to get ripped in order to look good for the cute new transfer student Anon
  204. >goes to the gym every day and works herself to the bones
  205. >but instead of gainz, it seems all of its going to her tits
  206. >she's not sure if she should be upset or not, since this is basically the RGREqg equivalent of your dick spontaneously gaining several inches
  207. >in the end, she just shrugs
  208. >it'll give her the chance to wear a few shirts she'd never have been able to pull of before, so whatever
  209. >she just hopes he likes fish tits
  216. >Anon, Sonata, and Bulk Biceps are workout buddies, because she's the only girl who realizes the boys are serious about lifting but also won't hit on them at the same time.
  217. >The three of them get together everyday after their last class to work out in the school gym.
  218. >Everyone else in the school thinks she's taking advantage of them somehow, but she isn't.
  219. >Bulk Biceps soon noticed that Anon and Sonata were clearly attracted to each other, but were both too dumb to realize it was mutual. For a while he was content to watch them stammer and pussyfoot around each other, because it was frankly hilarious. 
  220. >Then it just got boring and frustrating because Bulk KNOWS they'd be an adorable couple, but his friends are borderline retards. Eventually he just locks them in the showers for a while and lets nature take it's course. 
  221. >When he finally lets them out, their clothes are disheveled and Sonata is carrying Anon bridal-style.
  222. >From then on, the two of them are known as 'That Sickeningly Cute Fit Couple' around Canterlot High
  229. >Anon and Tempest shack up and have precious little unicorn colt together.
  230. >Ponies are surprised to see the father as the easy-going one while the mother is unbelievably over protective.
  231. >Of course it's understandable for a mom to want to protect her boy from all those slobbering fillies, but Tempest takes it to the extreme.
  232. >This is actually because she is also terrified of her son breaking his horn like she did.
  233. >While Anon tries to tell her to let the boy play and have fun, she refuses to let him out of her sight or do any rough housing of any sort
  240. >Anon’s male friends bought him a pair of yoga pants for his birthday.
  241. >he didn’t intend on actually wearing them, but they insisted that it would get their janegirl friend more attention from girls.
  242. >what they didn’t know is that Anon doesn’t wear a testicle bra, coming from normal gender roles.
  243. >so when he comes to school, all the girls are staring at his junk which is easily viewable without a ball bra.
  244. >Anon is sent home by Principal Celestia that day for violating the school dress code and being a distraction to female students
  251. >Anon dies and is reborn in RGREqG with all his memories intact.
  252. >after a few years, he comes to realize that everything runs on high-school sitcom tropes.
  253. >so when he's finally old enough to attend Canterlot High, he decides to use his knowledge of said tropes to climb to the top of the school's social ladder.
  254. >becomes the stereotypical 'Alpha Rich Bitch' for shits and giggles.
  255. >even assembles a small posse of other guys to be a part of his 'clique'.
  256. >guys envy his popularity and good looks.
  257. >girls would give their left breast to date him.
  258. >nerds quake in their shoes when he walks past.
  259. >doesn't actually hurt anybody who didn't have it coming to begin with, but sheer force of reputation and law of high-school tropes make him out to be an absolute monster.
  260. >projects an 'Ice King' facade at school but secretly laughs his ass off in private or with his actual friends.
  261. >of course, high school tropes also demand that someone of his position gets knocked down a peg or two, even if he hasn't actually done anything wrong
  269. >SciTwi gets bullied a lot, especially by boys and jocks, but her relationship with you keeps her temper even.
  270. >Then one day, she gets pantsed during an assembly. Too bad the bully grabbed her underwear too by mistake.
  271. >Like guys do with normal gender roles, girls in RGREqG get judged on their cunts.
  272. >Unlike normal girls, roastie cunt and meat hallways are actually genetic in RGREqG, being the equivalent of small or weird dicks for the unfortunate girls born with them.
  273. >Everyone gets to see Twi's tiny, beyond perfect innie snatch. The sort that can squeeze every drop and the very soul out of a man. It's a fantasy level equivalent to a 10 inch dick as thick as a man's wrist. 
  274. >Twi suddenly goes from not even being on most boy's radars to near the very top in the "Girlfriend material" ranks. 
  275. >SciTwi is RJ Berger
  283. >There exists a show for little colts in Equestria, called My Big Human
  284. >It's a world-wide hit, and there's merch everywhere
  285. >Anon is a background character who has gathered something of a following amongst grown mares
  286. >One day, Anon appears in Equestria, because what else is new?
  287. >Unfortunately, thanks to the reputation of the show (or more accurately, it's fans), Anon has difficulty in the romance department
  288. >The only mares interested in him are the ones who watched the show, and they expect him to behave exactly like his character
  289. >Double-unfortunately, the show is not especially accurate or true-to-life, and mares who were expecting a perfect husbando are disappointed when Anon turns out to be a real-life person with flaws
  290. >The fans are left wanting and can't stand to see their expectations destroyed so harshly by reality, and so Anon is once more rejected
  291. >To Anon, the feeling of disappointing someone he never knew had expectations for him is like failing a test you didn't even know you were taking
  298. >Anon ends up getting a yandere pony after him.
  299. >Which could be problem, except he 's extremely receptive to her.
  300. >As a matter of fact, he starts to freak her out a little with how clingy he starts to become.
  301. >When he berates a stallion for bumping into her in the middle of the street, she starts to wonder what she's gotten herself into.
  308. >After the Battle of the Bands, the sirens are homeless without their powers to 'convince' people to let them stay in hotels for free.
  309. >Anon, who's been stuck in RGEqG for about two decades, is the owner of a small restaurant.
  310. >Happens to find the three of them trying to get something half-decent out of the trash behind his restaurant 
  311. >Decides to let them stay at his house as long as they're willing to work at his place as a form of paying rent.
  312. >The three of them notice that he's a single middle-aged man, despite the fact that he's decently attractive in a world where there are much fewer males.
  313. >His kids are off at college, his wife died years ago, and he has very few friends
  314. >Adagio gets the idea that the three of them should try to take advantage of this obviously lonely man by seducing him into giving them more than just a roof over their heads. They want to turn him into their Sugar Daddy.
  315. >Anon sees through their attempts immediately, having fended off similarly-motivated advances from other young girls looking to take advantage of him.
  316. >However it's still flattering to be hit on at his age, even if they have ulterior motives. So he lets it slide and pretends to be oblivious to it for the most part. 
  317. >Unluckily for Aria, she finds herself falling for Anon upon actually getting getting to know him as a person, so her attempts at seduction become more and more genuine over time.
  318. >Except he thinks she, like her sisters, is only in it for the money
  325. Anon is literally the Ice King from from adventure time, his poor insane soul transferred into the EqG world in the body of a teenager. He heard a rumor that Twilight was a princess so he kidnapped her and tied her up in his basement. It's turning her on a little
  332. >Twilight really had to stop testing spells.
  333. >Every time she did, something bad and/or strange happened.
  334. >Like ending up in the middle of a strange forest, for instance.
  335. >Like she did two days ago.
  336. >The first night was terrifying as this place seemed to have no magic, making spell casting exceedingly difficult.
  337. >She felt like a defenseless foal as she huddled up amoungst the roots of a tree.
  338. >When she found a strange road, far more smooth and dark in color than any she'd seen in Equestria, she was curios.
  339. >Then terrified when a large beast came roaring towards her.
  340. >She hadn't scrambled out of sight in time and the thing- a form of carriage she realized later- stopped, and a strange bipedal creature stepped out to stare at her.
  341. >At first, she thought of fleeing for her life, but the creature merely bent it's knees and held out a strange appendage, making deep, soothing sounds with it's gravelly voice.
  342. >When she didn't immediately step forward, it reached into it's pocket and held out a granola bar.
  343. >She knew what it was by scent, and by the fact that it sent her empty tummy rumbling.
  344. >Hesitantly, she stepped forward and took the proffered food, quickly scarfing it down as soon as it was free of the creatures grip.
  345. >She flinched when she felt the creature pet her head, but it felt nice, and she was quickly coming to suspect the creature's motives were friendly.
  346. >That's why, when it opened the back door of it's carriage to reveal seats, she threw caution to the wind and jumped inside.
  347. >She was amazed during the entire short ride, and even more so when they pulled up to a large house in the middle of the forest.
  348. >The creature fed her and gave her a place to sleep, and she was very grateful.
  349. >She was later mortified when, the next morning, in her search for a bathroom, she walked in on the creature naked, just stepping out of the shower, and came face to face with some quite clearly male genitals
  356. >Anon in crazy future
  357. >Ship is picked for him
  358. >Her construction was in a brief period of time where reversed gender roles were a fad and horses were particularly popular
  359. >Anon wakes up to the sight of a little purple unicorn (with glowing eyes and and blinking lights along her body) asking him if he's okay and how he's adjusting to Ship life
  360. >Constructed the interior to look like a countryside, filled with technology dating from pre-industrial to 1950's computers
  361. >"I know my file says I feed off of cosmic radiation, but I actually refuel by cuddling my human. It's true, you know. This is my serious face."
  362. >"Let's go explore space, Anon! Let me know if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all, alright? The other Ships would never let me live it down if I made my male human distressed."
  363. >"I know I have a library of recipes that is effectively endless and infinite, but I still feel the need to teach you how to cook, Anon. I personally think it's very becoming of a stallion to know how to cook."
  365. >"Don't you know? Cuddling increases my efficiency by 24%. This occurs because one of my needs is being fulfilled, and I no longer have to uphold a simulation of you cuddling me, thus allowing me to allocate that computing power elsewhere."
  366. >"Please don't ask why a "I'm cuddling Anon" simulation takes up so much of my energy."
  367. >"..."
  368. >"I really REALLY like cuddling."
  370. >PonyShip is flabbergasted at the sheer similarly. Even with her unreal computing power, it still takes her a moment to calculate the probability of creatures just like her avatar existing. It's one against a number easily several billion digits long. 
  371. >Unfortunately, the crash left many of her systems offline, and repairs are expected to take years with just her doing it. 
  372. >Even worse, one of the damaged systems was life support, so she has to release you lest you die, much to her chagrin.
  373. >Luckily, a sample of the air reveals that there are no lethal microbes, and scan indicate that the dominant life on the strange planet is warm-blooded, mammalian, and carbon based like much of the galaxy. 
  374. >That doesn't mean she's going to let you leave on your own. Oh no. Even if she didn't have the facilities for it before, she rigs up a bio-drone manufacturing plant and creates a cyborg body for herself. One loaded with weapons and the most up-to-date combat suite she has.
  375. >If these small equines or any of the other odd life-forms try something, they would pay. No one will take her human away
  377. >"I... I don't understand."
  378. >The purple equine lifeform in front of you tilts its' head.
  379. >Your remote access to your onboard databanks (which catalogue an almost endless host of information of xeno-biology) allows to to suss out that this creature just conveyed confusion and curiosity through its body language.
  380. "What is there not to understand, Twilight Sparkle?"
  381. >The creature - Twilight Sparkle - (your human is trying to make you understand the importance of individuality and, thus, the importance of names) just does a little dance in-place.
  382. >"You're me! You're me, only you're advanced alien technology!"
  383. >She grins and uses her bio-telekinetics (not especially rare in your shard of the universe, but not exactly common either) to hover over an antiqued parchment and quill.
  384. >"We even have the same name!"
  385. "Hardly," you scoff, "My designation upon birth was 'TW1-series L1-GHT, SP-class rank 4RKL mark 3."
  386. >The grin that creeps onto the equine's mouth is, as your sensors inform you, especially smug.
  387. >"And what would your human have to say about that?"
  388. >You put your newly-printed lungs to good use and huff.
  389. >It is, after all, important to imitate the local dominant lifeforms in order to minimize potential cases of xenophobia.
  390. "He calls me..."
  391. >...you hate it when you're wrong.
  392. "...Twilight Sparkle, for short."
  393. >The equine - Twilight Sparkle - just giggles and mutters something about you being hen-pecked, which is a term so archaic you barely have it registered in your memory banks.
  394. >"We can talk about who wears the saddle in the relationship later," says Twilight, scribbling onto her parchment, "Could you please bring your coltfriend in for an interview?"
  395. >She offers you a wink - a conspiratorial wink, if your multitude of sensors, cameras, and vast knowledge of social behaviour is correct - and motions over to where your human and the local male equines are talking.
  396. >"I know it's hard to take a stallion away from his gossip, but try your best, okay?"
  398. After blowing some Xeno pirates after their supplies to high hell, Anon and PonyShip settled down for some rest. For Anon, that meant going to FutureChan's space craft board, /sc/ and shitting up /pnsg/, pilot-n-ship general. (Affectionately known as pilashit to regulars)
  399. Between tormenting pilots of mundane ships for not being worthy of a wAIfu ship and arguing that HIS captain chair is the most comfy, Anon spots a post with a decent amount of (you)s. Some guy says his wAIfu picked up a geocentric system of all things on scanners, but he's an express courier on a speed ship so he didn't stop to investigate. Naturally, the responses are along the lines of
  401. >>going X3500LS
  402. >>Deep space scans being accurate
  403. >speedfags everyone
  405. >LNLF! Sounds like someone has been huffing engine fumes. 
  407. >BRAAAAP unf wAIfu fumes
  409. The speedfags gets upset and posts the coordinates, saying he's not full of shit. Conveniently, the coordinates happened to be near Anon. So what else to do other than post that he's are nearby and is going to check it out just to call the speedfag a lying homo. He and PonyShip get there... And it actually IS geocentric, with the massive sun going around the planet. Too bad both the ship and him miscalculated the movement of the sun and had to panic FTL jump to the planet when they almost get hit. They didn't bleed all the speed from the jump off when they hit atmosphere and it caused damage, forcing a landing. 
  411. Considering that most ships (like Anon's) are multi kilometre-long behemoths that put dreadnoughts to shame, the locals obviously took notice.
  420. Skeletor in RGRE, shit would be funny as hell
  422. >you are Skele-non
  423. >and what part of "not nice" do these insufferable little equines not UNDERSTAND?!
  424. >as the few male equines that appear to have latched onto you continue to natter on with their "colt talk," you lean back in your chair and sigh
  425. >what the hell was even happening now?
  426. >just a few days ago, you were the Scourge of Eternia
  427. >now, you were sitting at some damnable "coffee shop" and trying to keep the shed petals of the garland crown one of the smaller, flying equines forced on you out of your eye sockets
  428. >speaking of said crown, you take it off and give it a cursory inspection
  429. >a few were starting to wilt, but that was simply the way of things, and you put it back on
  430. >it may not be the crown of Eternia, but it was something, and appearances must be maintained
  438. >When Nightmare Moon was banished a thousand years ago, Equestria was forced to suffer through bad dreams.
  439. >They had no guardian, after all, to protect their minds at night.
  440. >That is, until ponies began to dream of a strange, but friendly creature who would show up to battle the nightmares.
  441. >While many today dismiss the story; claiming the Kind Stranger is merely a myth and only appears in dreams because people know of him, same as one might dream of the Smooze or the tooth fairy, others are sure he's real.
  442. >Those who have met him just know he was truly there.
  443. >Anon, for his part, doesn't know why this is his life, or after life, as the case may be, but he has learned to accept it.
  444. >These ponies needed help, after all, and he was the only one there to provide it.
  445. >Until Luna returned, that is.
  446. >It doesn't take long for Luna to realize there's another entity within the dream realm, and when she finds it, she's surprised to find someone else has taken to helping her little ponies sleep easy.
  447. >At first, both are weary, but after a talk, they quickly warm up to each other.
  448. >For Anon, it's mostly because he finally has someone to be friends with.
  449. >For Luna, it's because Anon is a cute, exotic boy, and she hasn't had a good dicking in a thousand years.
  450. >She always had a more... diverse taste in males than her vanilla colored- and minded- sister.
  451. >It doesn't take long though for Luna to begin to truly get to know Anon.
  452. >To learn of his lonely fight left to him after her own foolishness got her sealed away.
  453. >And of his bravery, so unusual for a male.
  454. >Luna soon comes to a decision.
  455. >She would find a way to pull Sir Anonymous from the dream realm.
  456. >And subsequently marry and bed him.
  457. >It was the only proper thing to do when a princess encountered such a stallion, after all.
  458. >Brave stallions are rare, and thus only fit for royalty, just like how Shining Armor was claimed by Princess Cadence
  459. >Only princesses have the ability to tame and protect such wild and whimsical husbands
  466. >Ponies, as it turns out, are very long lived.
  467. >Not as long as dragons, who live thousands of years, but they do live easily into their nine-hundred, as many other sapient species do.
  468. >They also mature slow, as a result.
  469. >This is why, when Anon reveals he's only in his twenties, mares suddenly start avoiding him.
  470. >They don't want to be seen as predamares, after all.
  471. >One time, Anon hugged a mare in a moment of happiness, and the mare responded by holding her hooves straight up.
  472. >"Look! Look at where my hooves are! I'm not touching him!"
  473. >While the adults give the flirtatious colt and definition of jailbait a wide berth, the fillies just adore him and make a game of seeing who can get him to be their coltfriend first.
  474. >The CMC, all in their twenties themselves, are the most determined to form a herd with Anon, and the man can often be seen running from them.
  475. >Once, upon being tackled by the trio in a hug, he holds his hands up.
  476. "Look! Look at where my hands are! I'm not touching them!"
  485. >Earth ponies may not have fantastic magic or the ability to fly and manipulate the weather, but they do have something the other tribes will never have.
  486. >They can choose when it's there time.
  487. >There are earth ponies with connections so strong to their lands that they're youthful even into their hundreds.
  488. >There are earth ponies who remember the rise and banishment of Nightmare Moon, as well as her return and defeat.
  489. >And there is one who has fallen in love with the strangest, funniest, most caring man she'll ever know.
  490. >Applejack never thought she'd fall in love, married to the farm as she was, and she certainly never thought it'd be with any creature other than an earth pony stallion.
  491. >But Anon has made her do a lot of things she'd never thought she'd do.
  492. >The biggest of all being face mortality.
  493. >She had fully intended to run Sweet Apple Acres for the next thousand years, ready to brave the loss of her friends in duty to her lands.
  494. >But now, she doesn't think she can weather that loneliness anymore.
  495. >With each year, she sees her husband draped in another layer of age.
  496. >See's new grey hairs.
  497. >New wrinkles.
  498. >And each year, she surrenders a little more life to the orchard she cherishes.
  499. >With each year, her joints grow just the slightest bit more stiff.
  500. >With each year, the cold brings a few more aches.
  501. >But she has her Anon to hold her- to fend off the cold just as she does for him- and it's in these moments, laying under the covers together, that Applejack smiles.
  502. >Despite the finality of her looming fate, she lets herself drift with the currents of time, held to her soulmate's chest.
  503. >They would topple over the waterfall's edge together, tight in each other's embrace,passing into the unknown as husband and wife
  511. >Their memories of their old lives were also wiped, replaced with new fake memories that allow them to fit into a new Equestria.
  512. >While they forget that they used to be Twilight Sparkle, their hearts still lead them to pursue what lead them to leave their home universes
  513. >Sunset as Twilight delved too deep into forbidden knowledge in response to a dangerous threat to Equestria, was found out by Celestia, and forced to flee to another universe to escape jail time. She sought to become a Princess because she unconsciously wanted to reclaim her previous alicorn status and believed she deserved it for all her effort.
  514. >Moondancer as Twilight was cruelly abandoned by her friends and family in her time of need. Nothing left for her, she used a volatile experimental spell with the intention of killing herself, but was flung into another universe instead. This is why Moondancer reacted so poorly to being unintentionally snubbed by Twilight in episode 1. She unconsciously saw it as similar to what her old friends did.
  515. >Starlight as Twilight comes from Mirror Equestria, a universe where evil ponies are good and good ponies are evil. She was sent by Queen Celestia to be a spy for a possible future invasion, but they were unaware of the side effects of traveling to a dimension where an alternate version of yourself exists. Hence why Starlight doesn’t entirely ‘get’ being a good pony despite her honest efforts.
  516. >Trixie as Twilight is a from a world where she was never Celestia’s personal student and was raised as a typical spoiled Canterlot elitist. Her story is the least interesting, as she just accidentally found and fell into one of Starswirl’s prototype mirror portals. Trixie is an arrogant blowhard because she’s just unconsciously following how she was raised.
  524. >tfw Rarity will never be a secret degenerate
  525. >tfw she will never want nothing more than for a stallion to fuck her mouth like it was some sort of cocksleave 
  526. >tfw Twilight will never find some giant alien stallion in the middle of some crator
  527. >tfw she'll never bring the stallion, who can't speak a bit of Equish, home with her, terrified what to do
  528. >tfw her and her friends all stand outside of the room she stashed him in, loudly debating
  529. >All except Rarity herself, who wants to be a gentlemare and get the poor, poor stallion some water and tea cakes
  530. >tfw the alien decides to get a little grabby
  531. >tfw Rarara can't handle it
  539. > Be Rainbow Dash
  540. > You've spent enough time around the wonderbolts that you've started picking up their habits
  541. > Little things, like half-unfolding your wings for photos, or trotting in such a way that the suit doesn't ride up your rump, even when you are out of uniform
  542. > As you walk along the road in Ponyville, you find yourself catching up to Anon from behind
  543. > Speaking of which...
  544. > You can't look away from those shifting cheeks, teasingly conceiled behind the subtly shifting cloth of his sweat pants
  545. > You draw closer
  546. > You can't really verbalize what you are thinking, it's a mixture of letting your ovaries do the driving and something Spitfire does fairly often
  547. > You slap that booty
  548. > It jiggles ever so slightly, the memory of its toned yet squishy heft in your hoof still lingering
  549. > Anon's head whips around to look at you, and you realise how much your bucked up
  550. > He's never been a fan, there's no way he'll let it slide
  551. > "Oh yeah?"
  552. > You smile sheepishly
  553. "Sorry, I just sorta..."
  554. > How are you supposed to talk your way out of this one?
  555. > Then he steps back and slaps your ass
  556. > You yelp at the blow, instinctively flapping your wings to hop a mare's length forward
  557. > You look back at him, your face reddening
  558. > He looks a little flustered too
  559. "So, uh... we cool?"
  560. > He walks to you, scratching his face with his elegant fingers
  561. > "Yeah, I guess?"
  562. > You sigh in relief, glad the ponice aren't going to be involved
  563. > The two of your walk side by side down the road in silence for several moments
  564. > Your mind won't stop replaying the two sensations, his ass against your hoof, and the slight stinging of your own ass
  565. > You have to wonder...
  566. "Hey, uh..."
  567. > He looks at you expectantly
  568. > In for a bit, in for a buck
  569. "If I suck your dick, will you suck my clit?"
  570. > He shrugs
  571. > "Seems fair."
  572. > Your wings extend instantly
  573. > You always knew he was lewd, but...
  574. > Holy buck
  575. > Looks like mama's getting some action tonight!
  581. >while Celestia's always been a bit "meh" about it herself, Luna has always wanted a family of her own
  582. >a big one, if she has anything to say about it
  583. >and so, for the first century or so, she went about wooing and wedding the fairest stallions of the realm
  584. >one at a time, of course
  585. >she knew that she could use her Royal Prerogative to get any stallion or mare she desired into her bed, but something about that seemed to rub her the wrong way
  586. >probably had to do with that "Element of Loyalty" thing she used with her sister to banish the foul Discord
  587. >and besides, she's no mare-whore
  588. >but back to Luna's marriages
  589. >naturally such romantic pursuits took her away from court for quite a bit of time
  590. >sometimes she was gone for several days at a time
  591. >but she was content to let her sister rule all the world, so long as she had her family
  592. >but therein lies the problem
  593. >she didn't get her family
  594. >no matter how many times she tried, or how many husbands she tried it with, she just couldn't seem to get pregnant
  595. >for any mare, but especially a princess, this was a... significant problem
  596. >doubly so for the time, when mares were often judged by how many children they and their herd could produce, and how well they could protect them
  597. >and so, over the years she searched high and low for some manner of solution for her... problem
  598. >she even went to the witch-doctors of Zebrica disguised as a wandering donkey in hopes of them having some manner of cure, but found no such luck
  599. >ritual after ritual and spell after spell was performed, some of which would have carried an automatic banishment for their use in modern Equestria, but there seemed to be no change
  600. >yet more years passed, and Luna found herself retreating into her work
  601. >or, well, she would have, had her previous gallivanting set quite the precedent back in the capital
  602. >her sister now carried so much of the proverbial weight, that she honestly wasn't sure how Luna could help her with it
  603. >really, it would be better if she simply left her to her work once again
  604. >unknown to to either of them, the first sparks of resentment were lit that day
  605. >sparks that would have risen to the inferno they would one day become much sooner than they were meant to, had it not been for one thing
  606. >in a surprising stroke of luck for the rather unlucky mare, Luna's current husband had a brother he was on quite good terms with, a rarity in of itself in the Equestrian nobility
  607. >even rarer were the sheer quantity of nieces and nephews him and his herd were producing
  608. >and after an incident involving a pike, the family's coat of arms, and one of the earth pony servant's uniforms, they would come to love their sad aunt almost as much as their own mothers
  609. >and Luna would love them exactly as much as any foals of her own
  610. >even to the point of calling them her "little princes and princesses"
  611. >"Yes," she thought, "this is good."
  612. >but all good things come to an end eventually
  613. >for while the time spent with her nieces and nephews were quite the balm for her soul, all they did was delay the inevitable
  614. >one day, after putting the tired little foals to bed after a long night of stargazing (one of their favourite activities when "Auntie Woona" was around), she promised that when they next wake, they would have all the time in the world to enjoy her night sky
  615. >she closed the door
  616. >the sun did not rise the next morning
  617. >and she never returned
  618. >well, not in those foals' lifetimes
  619. >nor in their foals', or their grandfoals'
  620. >but, as the news came in and the country turned against the "Evil Nightmare Moon," they and their family remembered
  621. >they remembered the sad, loving mare that only wanted a family of her own
  622. >they remembered how they were all her little princes and princesses
  623. >even to the point of it becoming a tradition of that family
  624. >the firstborn filly, in addition to inheriting, is to be named Princess
  625. >and the firstborn colt, Prince
  626. >so imagine his surprise when, Prince Blueblood, the first Lord of the Blueblood family in several centuries sees something he never thought he would
  627. >Great Aunt Luna, walking free once more and looking happier in the arms of her sister than anything captured in the tapestries of his ancestral home
  635. >Anon lands in RGREqG and for whatver reason has to go back to school
  636. >One day an argument starts on who should be able to wear what
  637. >Anon jokes that they should just make Canterlot high clothing optional and solve the problem that way
  638. >Comes to school the next day and is greeted by a naked Sunset
  639. >His face when he realizes he was taken seriously
  647. >Be Elfnon
  648. >Horse gandalf just told you they have a lifespan like a mayfly
  649. >Short and full of fucking
  650. >You wander around the castle for a while and quite literally stumble across the cutest looking tiny horse ever
  651. >"Watch thyself peasant!"
  652. >Oh shes all huffy its too cute!
  653. >You pick her up and she eeps in surprise
  654. "I will pet you, hug you, and squeeze you and call you George!"
  655. >"S-such lewdness! Refrain from calling me this...George you lewd titan!!"
  656. >She's like a little dog! Minus the satanic rage that all small dogs have
  657. >"I am Princess of the moon Luna and I will not be treated so lewdly!"
  658. >This was in front of the servants too
  659. >They have their tiny horse ears pressed againt their heads and the guards point their tooth pick spears at you
  660. >"Release the princess, monster!"
  661. "Oh quiet you"
  662. >You flick her forehead and she backs up in shock
  663. >You carried the princess around with you until you found a throne room
  664. >There is another tiny horned and winged horse looking at you in shock
  665. >You sit George right next to her
  666. >George is pissed and blushing
  674. >Batfamily in RGRE
  675. >Equestria is so relatively peaceful that there’s almost no need for superheroes.
  676. >Sure there’s the ocassional ancient mystic threat or giant monster but the Mane Six are around to deal with that.
  677. >They decide to treat being stuck in Equestria as if they’re on vacation until they find a way to get back to their universe.
  678. >Richard quickly develops a reputation as a slut.
  679. >Jason frequently contemplates murder when tiny horses are sexist to him, and finally understands why Artemis and the other Amazons are wary of the opposite sex.
  680. >Tim and Twilight get into heated arguments over nerdy shit all the time
  681. >Cassandra doesn’t know how to react when teenage fillies her age make jokes about how weird it must be growing up the only girl in a house full of guys.
  682. >Damian is forced to keep the CMC out of trouble when they decide it’s a good idea to imitate his family and pretend to be superheroes.
  683. >Bruce just calmly enjoys the ponies’ hospitality, and can be often seen reading a book or drinking tea.
  684. >Alfred keeps trying to avoid Granny Smith when she starts hitting on him.
  692. >mechanic Anon in RGREquestria
  693. >but not just your average grease monky
  694. >he can take a car apart, put it back together, then make it run even faster by painting it red
  695. >even reckons he could build a car from scratch, if he had the heavy equipment
  696. >but he doesn't
  697. >robots and assembly lines just don't grow on trees like apples and pears do around here
  698. >however, he doesn't give up his passion entirely
  699. >draws out designs regularly in his sketchbook, and often plays with uses for various magical effects
  700. >treated clouds for coolant
  701. >charged gems used as a form of nitros
  702. >and even one for running an engine entirely off of a rare fire ruby
  703. >one day, he leaves his journal out while he's out getting horse-groceries, and his room-mate/land lady gets a look
  704. >what she sees inside amazes her
  705. >she knew that Anon came from a more advanced society, but she never imagined he had such an understanding of such an alien discipline
  706. >sure he had boasted before, but she thought they were just that: boasts
  707. >I mean, he was a colt!
  708. >they were supposed to be vain, weren't they?
  709. >but as she continued to read, there were more and more ideas getting cut off by jagged letters, detailing how they wouldn't work without some piece of equipment (or so she assumed) that almost always had at least five syllables in their names
  710. >now, she was no prodigy like a certain pudgy purple unicorn, but she knew her way around a few spells
  711. >and if she wasn't completely misunderstanding these terms, more than a few of these ideas would only take a few spells to finish them
  712. "Roomie, I'm back!"
  713. >startled, she tosses the journal to a random page as she flees, hoping Anon hadn't seen her
  714. >considering the lack of confrontation for the remainder of the night, he hadn't
  715. >lying in bed, an idea begins to take shape in her mind
  716. >if she could help Anon bring his "karrs" to Equestria, she just knew they'd be rich
  717. >she might even be able to get a few "itches" scratched
  718. >all they needed was a face
  719. >ponies won't respect anything that's made solely by a colt
  720. >Twilight offers to be the "face" of their operation and to bring in the magical talent, in exchange for (obviously) a cut of the profits, and a few... favors
  721. >Anon isn't sure whether or not to be excited at the prospect of working with cars again, annoyed at her demands, or aroused at what he's pretty sure those "favors" are going to turn out to be
  730. >changeling cells all over Equestria are getting uprooted and kicked out of their hunting grounds
  731. >the only thing they apparently can see before getting their shit slapped in is "a big human in a bat costume"
  732. >despite the fact that there are less than ten humans in equestria and that the process of elimination would work perfectly well, Chrysalis tries to shapeshift into Batman to try and figure out who's slapping their collective shit in
  733. >but every time she tries, all she gets is a mask, and no inkling of who it is underneath it
  734. >clearly, the only thing to do now is go undercover in ponyville and keep an eye on the humans there to see if any of them have anything to do with the caped crusader
  735. >not to see if any of them ARE Batman, but rather to see if any of them meet him undercover of night, or something like that
  736. >because pone logic
  737. >in a bit of completely unrelated news, a few days later Chrysalis is ecstatic
  738. >it may not be much, but she's certain she's found a chink in the famous Ice King of Ponyville's armor
  739. >that smile in the marketplace may be a small start, but this Bruce character will serve as an ample supply of love while she takes her vengeance upon the dreaded Batman!
  747. >Unicorn foal has a human father.
  748. >Her father's hands are what she most often touches.
  749. >Her father cleans her, feeds her, comforts her, plays with her, and maybe even defends her with those hands. 
  750. >Hands become an important in her growing mind. An ultimate tool that her father uses to provide for her. 
  751. >When her telekinesis starts manifesting, it takes the form of crude, solid hands rather than a shapeless blob of color. >The blueprints for hands are already in her DNA, and being with you is the push needed to bring those traits to the surface and cause such a drastic shift in her magic development.
  752. >As she grows, so does her dexterity and the number of hands she can create. 
  753. >Your child may be a pony, but shes also a daughter of humanity
  761. >Date a pony
  762. >She closes her eyes and leans in for a nuzzle
  763. >You, feeling playful, move in to intercept her snootie and press your nose against her's
  764. >Her eyes snap open and she gasps
  765. >She blushes, but doesn't move away, looking at you as though seeing you for the first time
  766. >You just unknowingly went to third base with your marefriend and gave her something to brag about to her horse friends
  774. >Sheltered Anon goes to Equestria
  775. >Takes a moment to catch on when mares talk about sex, pointedly avoids talking in detail about his experience
  776. >Feels genuinely betrayed when his boss fires him for corporate reasons ("you didn't do anything wrong, Anon, I promise. It just looks bad for us to have you here. Some of our clients aren't... the most tolerant of ponies.")
  777. >Is surprised when he finds out that one of his mare friends does horse drugs
  778. >His mare friends come to the conclusion that he's too pure for this dyke earth and try to protect his smile
  779. >"Oh, Celestia, he'll shatter like a glass figurine if he learns about the evils of the world. Also, I'll bet we could figure out how to make him believe that snootle-booping is totally not l-lewd at all!"
  787. >Among ponies, the mares have always been stronger, despite the superior muscle-mass of stallions.
  788. >This is because mares have more magic, which fuels a pony's abilities far beyond what mere muscles can perform.
  789. >For this reason, stallions with a lot of magic are seen as anomalies, rare and unique.
  790. >They've also always had great impact on the world.
  791. >Star Swirl is one such example; a stallion who outmatched many mares in both magic potency and knowledge, and who progressed the art more in his time than the previous three generations combined.
  792. >There's also darker examples, such as Sombra, who nearly cast the world into despair.
  793. >Throughout history, stallions who have displayed abnormal magical power have been admired or feared, so when a wizard from a different world appeared, ponies took notice.
  794. >Being an alien aside, this strange and powerful magic user is male, and so the Princesses have sent him to stay with Twilight and her friends, both to be his guide and guardians, as well as his secret detainment squad if he proves to be another Sombra.
  795. >Anonymous, for his part, is oblivious to any of this, and is merely tickled pink at the prospect of studying an all-new aspect of magic
  803. >Anon is feeling it bubble up inside again.
  804. >The worthlessness that plagued his life before Equestria.
  805. >The feeling of being a burden to those around him.
  806. >The day he found himself in this world should have been full of tears, but he had gone through it in somber silence.
  807. >That day, he had gathered all of his possesions, everything of value, and pawned it.
  808. >He then took that money and sealed it in an envelope alongside a letter and the three-hundred dollars his mother had sent him for his rent.
  809. >Once it was sent through the mail to the kind woman who raised him, he went out into the woods, and hung himself.
  810. >Then he woke up in a strange world and was taken in by a purple princess who let him live in her castle.
  811. >As magical as that sounds however, things are only worse.
  812. >At least back on Earth, he could get a job, even if he was too much of a fuckup to hold one down.
  813. >In Equestria, however, he can't even manage the first part.
  814. >Everyday he sets out, hoping to find a way to repay the princess, and everyday he returns unemployed.
  815. >Twilight tells him he doesn't need a job, even insists she prefers he not have one, claiming his company and snuggles is payment enough, but he knows she's just being nice.
  816. >He's not only a burden, but he's also wasting the Equestrian tax payers' money.
  817. >And so, he once again decides to take himself out of the equation.
  818. >It pains him, not having anything to leave the princess, but it can't be helped.
  819. >He writes a letter and leaves it on his bed before heading out.
  820. >His plan is simple at first, going to the Whitetail woods to repeat his first actions, but he spots a family picnicking, and doesn't want to ruin their day.
  821. >He goes to the dam next, prepared to jump, but notices foals swimming in the water below.
  822. >Then he goes to Everfree, but is stopped by Fluttershy and invited to tea.
  823. >Soon enough, it starts to rain, and he heads back to the castle.
  824. >When he opens the door, it's to see a disheveled Twilight, letter held in her magic.
  833. >It was unfathomable, such perfect control.
  834. >Especially paired with such advanced and powerful magic.
  835. >Anon could perform amazing feats of spellcrafting without a single iota of wasted energy.
  836. >No glowing horn or rippling aura as raw mana bled into the visible spectrum, just bending of reality so quick and precise that ponies couldn't notice it until after the spell was cast.
  837. >Twilight couldn't even feel the magic!
  838. >Usually, when a spell was cast, the excess magic not consumed in the spell could be felt in the air.
  839. >But with Anon?
  840. >Nothing.
  841. >When he had first pulled a coin from behind her ear, she screamed and ran in circles.
  842. >Conjuring matter from nothing was hard.
  843. >It was so complex that, when most unicorns did it, there was always at least some form of explosion from all the wasted magic.
  844. >Conjuring a coin behind her ear then, could have very well cost her part of her cranium had Anon been anyone else.
  845. >And on top of that, the coin was a copper/nickle alloy, easily worth a hundred gold bits.
  846. >She had a talk with him once she calmed down about how he couldn't be caught doing such things again.
  847. >Besides word getting out potentially leading to some seedy types trying to use Anon as a get-rich-quick scheme, he could also destabilize the Equestrian economy by flooding it with such precious metals.
  848. >Anon was confused, the pure and innocent male that he was, but he nonetheless agreed.
  849. >Bless his precious heart.
  850. >So powerful, so skilled, and yet he acted as if her measly acts of levitation and fireballs were anything other then magic kindergarten beginner spells.
  851. >While she had no doubt that Anon was good, she feared what he could be tricked into doing if the wrong sort ever got wind of his awesome power.
  852. >She shuddered to think of what could have been had the likes of Chrysalis found him first.
  853. >The thought only strengthens her resolve to shelter Anon from the evils of the world
  856. >Ponies react to simple magic tricks like black people.
  857. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmgD25MAGok [Open]
  858. >Also, after doing a few, "is this your card" tricks, ponies think he's some sort of mind reader.
  859. >Mares try not to think l-lewd thoughts around Anon for fear that he'll think them perverts.
  860. >"Mmm, he has some nice flanks," one mare finds herself thinking one day, only for Anon to look at her.
  861. >Her eyes widen in shock as he smiles and waves.
  862. >Was... was he into her?
  870. >You will never try and bake a pretty cake for your marefriend, Celestia
  871. >You will never wake up early on her birthday and sneak into the kitchens
  872. >You will never realize that you have no idea how to operate a wood-burning oven, let alone achieve and maintain a specific temperature
  873. >You will never search the enormous series of rooms for ingredients, feeling overwhelmed when you realize that there are four different varieties of flour at your disposal that are intended to be used for very specific dishes
  874. >You will never spend ten minutes in the giant walk-in fridge (powered by energy-absorbing crystals that vent the heat somewhere outside) before you realize that ponies don't chill their eggs
  875. >You will never generally be a nuisance to the chefs, who are trying to prepare breakfast
  876. >By the time they start to prepare lunch, you will never bite the bullet and enlist a bored-looking chef for his help
  877. >He will never show you how to properly use the ovens and show you where all the ingredients are
  878. >Rumors about your where-abouts will never spread as you spend the next few hours trying to bake something nice for your marefriend
  879. >You will never hear the muted sounds of the princess's yearly city-wide birthday celebration (not Celestia's idea, but she can't say no to ponies when they look at her with those big, sad eyes) become just a little bit louder as the door to the kitchen creaks open
  880. >"Anon? Honey, I heard you were in here. I've been looking for my ray of sunshine all da-oh!"
  881. >You will never be covered in flour, egg shells, and sugar
  882. >You will never still proudly present your creation to your lover: the very first multi-layer cake you've ever made
  883. >It's lop-sided and the icing is melting off on the top-most layer (because it's the most freshly-made layer and only came out of the oven half an hour ago), but you feel damn proud of it
  884. >You will never already know that Celestia has already been presented with cakes much nicer than yours during the day
  885. >Cakes made by professional pastry chefs with decades of experience
  886. >Cakes whose recipes were invented specifically to appeal to their princess
  887. >Cakes that probably don't have egg shells in them
  888. >But the look on your marefriend's face will never make it clear that she'll remember the cake you made even when all the other ones are long since consumed and forgotten about
  889. >The hours you spent in the kitchen, the effort you put into this present, and the love you put into the cake will never mean more to Celestia than the silly cake itself
  898. >Anon used to be much more proactive back before he became part of a herd
  899. >He had a job, paid bills, etc
  900. >Since he lived alone, nothing would get done unless he himself did it
  901. >Those dishes? They're gonna stink up the room unless he washes them
  902. >That dusty room? Gonna be even more dusty unless he gets off his ass and cleans it
  903. >That yard? Overgrown and covered with weeds if he doesn't spend a few hours of his day off from work out there in the sun on his hands and knees
  904. >But now, he lives with four or five other mares
  905. >Each one has a job, and their combined income pays the bills even without his contribution
  906. >Plus, the mess that five mares make is incredible compared to the mess one single human can make, and their long hours mean that his mares are all dead-tired once they get back home
  907. >If they want the house to stay clean, someone has to quit their job and stay at home
  908. >Anon's job was shitty (it's hard to find good work when everypony has their resumes tattooed onto their asses), so he didn't cry very many tears at the prospect of quitting
  909. >And so, he spends his time cleaning up after himself and the mares; something that only takes a few hours a day compared to his old nine-to-five job
  910. >Unfortunately, his mares take care of everything else
  911. >Those dishes? One of his mares took care of it for him while he was busy with something else.
  912. >That dusty room? Cleaned and converted to a mare cave so that another one of his mares has a place to relax and paint her dinos
  913. >The yard? That yard is one of your mare's sanctuaries, and keeping that yard trimmed and neat is a great pleasure for her
  914. >If he leaves a project undone, it gets done by one of his mares without complaint
  915. >Hell, when a birthday rolls around, each mare buys a cake anyway because they think all the others forgot about the event
  916. >Anon begins to feel irrelevant
  917. >What's the point of putting effort into getting any of this done if it'll get done regardless?
  918. >"What the hell am I even doing here?"
  925. >Be best lunar princess
  926. >A titan has just captured you and is treating you like a foal
  927. >You're ten years old faust damb it!
  928. >"So how old are you? Gandalf back there told me you little horses live like 6 years."
  929. "I am no mere pony you fool! I am an alicorn!"
  930. >The titan looks you over
  931. >How lewd of him!
  932. >"I dont see a that much of a difference. You have a horn and wings while gandalf back there only has a horn."
  933. "Do not speak of Starswirl in such an insulting manner! I am an alicorn, an immortal!"
  934. >"Yeah but how immortal?"
  935. "W-what?"
  936. >"Can you just not die or is it like lobster immortality?"
  937. "I am no lobster!"
  938. >"Okay so you live forever until you die got it."
  939. >You were just compared to a crustacean by a bald titan no words can describe your anger
  940. >You will make him regre- OH DEAR FAUST
  941. >Hes scratching behind your ear
  942. >You freeze up and let out a relaxed sigh
  943. >You didnt notice he has just seated you in your thone next to Celestia and left
  944. >Celestia looks at you trying not to laugh
  945. "Not a word sister. Now a word."
  952. >Anon always felt like a loser.
  953. >Everything he did was never good enough.
  954. >Then he came to Equestria, and met Lyra Heartstrings.
  955. >This minty pony is always cheering Anon on.
  956. >Always acting amazed at his every little accomplishment.
  957. >He knows she's silly, but it makes him feel better regardless.
  958. >The only time she goes a little too far is when she pops her head under the stall door of a public bathroom and whoops.
  959. >"Yeah, wait to go, Anon! You're number one at going number two!"
  960. "What the fuck, Lyra!?"
  967. > Good Yeah the griffiness has five sons
  968. > She does the best she can, making wagon wheels in a small Griffin town inside of Labyrinthia
  969. > One day, the local mine owner asks for her eldest's claw in marriage
  970. > Good Yeah accepts, but it seems her eldest has promised himself to a poor weaver
  971. > The weaver is a good griffin, hard working, if a little too humble
  972. > Good Yeah is persuaded, and gives them her blessing
  973. > Later, the second eldest falls for a revolutionary, and Good Yeah's heart is troubled
  974. > Still, the revolutionary is a strong willed griffin, and will make a name for herself in some way, no doubt
  975. > Good Yeah will not stand in the way of her second son's love
  976. > Her third son, however, that sweet, shy, bookish child...
  977. > Some minotaur abomination has the audacity to tell Good Yeah they are getting married
  978. > Without a matchmaker, without consulting her, the mother!
  979. > The third son pleads with Good Yeah, and she sees the love in his eyes
  980. > But no, he has turned from Golden Path, and so Good Yeah turns her back on her son and his Femanon
  981. > The next year, the Minoczarina sends an edict, evicting all the griffins in Labyrinthia
  982. > With a heavy heart, Good Yeah and all the villagers pack up their things and leave the only home they've known
  983. > As Good Yeah starts pulling her wagon, her third son and Femanon show up with their own wagon
  984. > Though her son could have stayed, having married a tauress, they decided to keep solidarity with the griffins
  985. > Good Yeah cannot bring herself to approve of their marriage, but she has to admire Femanon's devotion to her husband
  986. > Good Yeah silently beckons them to follow her, and sets off again
  987. > Perhaps they will find their fortune and some measure of peace in Equestria
  995. >You are Mister Shy.
  996. >*KNOCK KNOCK*
  997. >And you were in the middle of cleaning the living room when you heard a knock on the door.
  998. >You frown in confusion, scratching your head. You and Posey weren’t expecting any guests today. So who was it?
  999. >You trot over to open the door, only to see your daughter looking more nervous than usual.
  1000. >That immediately sets off an alarm in your head.
  1001. “Fluttershy? Sweetie, is something wrong? You just visited yesterday.”
  1002. >Your daughter’s face is completely red.
  1003. >”I-I um, w-well you see. Something happened, and I-I u-um...” 
  1004. >Oh dear, she hasn’t been this bad since she first left home on her own to move to Ponyville.
  1005. >”What I think Fluttershy is trying to say is...” you hear an unfamiliar masculine voice coming from outside.
  1006. >You turn your head and look up to see one of those strange aliens called humans looking down at you, similarly embarrassed but not as crippled by it as Fluttershy.
  1007. >It was then that you noticed he was wearing a large, poofy jacket with numerous pockets. And in each and every one of those pockets was a pegasus foal. All of whom bore a noticeable resemblance to your daughter.
  1008. >A grin starts to creep across your face as you started to put two and two together.
  1009. >”And I guess I’m the impromptu father of your grandkids? To be honest” the alien finished.
  1010. >You loved your daughter immensely, but by Celestia you didn’t think she had it in her!
  1011. >You and Posey were starting to think you’d have to rely on Zephyr for grandfoals! And knowing that colt you’d end up doing more of the parenting them him.
  1012. >You couldn’t help it. You squeed almost as if you were a schoolcolt again!”
  1013. “Come in, come in! Make yourself welcome!”
  1014. >You turn inside as your grin widens.
  1015. ”Honey, it’s a miracle! FLUTTERSHY GAVE US GRANDFOALS!”
  1016. >You took amusement in the frantic sputtering of your daughter as your wife whooped in joy from her position in the house
  1018. >"Okay, Fluttershy, I'm gonna teach you a lil' somethin' here, alright?"
  1019. >Your mom pulls you aside after double-checking that the door is closed.
  1020. >Your dad is distracting Anon, so hopefully you'll be chock full of knowledge on how to woo a colt by the time the two of them stop gossiping.
  1021. >"Lesson number one is all about pleasuring a stallion with your mouth."
  1022. >She grimaces and holds out her hooves at the face you make.
  1023. >"I know, I know. Nopony wants to hear this from their old mare, but lemme teach you all about the ol' lick-a-roo."
  1024. -----------------
  1025. >"Anonymous, son, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, alright?"
  1026. >Your... marefriend? Foal-mommy?
  1027. >Fluttershy's father leans back in his chair and effortlessly hefts a couple of your foals into his arms and tucks them under his wings; the tiny baby horses immediately curl up and close their eyes, and their almost-constant peeping slows to a stop.
  1028. >"Now, you're going to learn that mares are a prideful bunch."
  1029. >He roles his eyes and nuzzles one of the foals who jumps into his lap.
  1030. >"The mare ego is much more delicate that they want you to believe it is. So, when your special somepony stares you in the eye and says in a sultry, husky voice that she's going to give you "the ol' lick-a-roo"..."
  1031. >The corners of his mouth twitch underneath is impressive (if admittedly pink) mustache.
  1032. >"...do your best not to laugh in her face."
  1035. >human-pony hybrids are the embodiment of RGRE’s ‘humans are apex predators’ meme
  1036. >while their father is a normal modern human who hasn’t ever really needed to hunt for food, the presence of magic amps their own natural instincts.
  1037. >Anon and Fluttershy have to stop their foals from trying to wrestle manticores on a regular basis
  1039. >at home ALL their furniture has bite marks all over them
  1040. >anon had to buy them magically enchanted chew toys
  1041. >ordinary chew toys wouldnt last a day
  1050. >Anon makes a passing remark about his lizard brain in a conversation with twiggles before the NMM event
  1051. >Spike hears this and thinks humans are related to dragons
  1052. >Somehow. Kid logic or something
  1053. >He starts hanging around Anon seeing him as more and more of a father figure
  1054. >Anon ends up being around twilight more
  1055. >Poners think they're a couple
  1056. >Celestia congradulates Twilight on landing a loyal colt
  1057. >TheseHoesAintLoyal.mp3
  1058. >Incoming Shenanagins
  1065. "Listen Spike, I'm sorry to let you down lil' guy but I can't have a game of fire tag with you."
  1066. >Spike looks more saddened than before.
  1067. >"Why not? Are you busy?"
  1068. >You sigh and rub your head.
  1069. "No, I just can't breath fire."
  1070. >Now he looks confused.
  1071. >"What do you mean? Of course you can! I've seen you do it in your sleep! Just try!" The little drake says jumping up and down.
  1072. >He probably heard you snoring.
  1073. >Works been getting rough.
  1074. >But just to amuse the little guy you try by blowing air out your mouth.
  1075. "There, see, no fire."
  1076. >Spike starts stomping his feet in anger.
  1077. >"You're not trying hard enough, here you got to pucker your lips a bit more like this!" He says pushing your lips in together with his claws.
  1078. >Begrudgingly you just let him as you stay still.
  1079. >"There! Like that, now try to force all the heat from your body and blow!"
  1080. >Rolling your eyes you do as you're told.
  1081. >As you do a big plume of flame burst in front of you causing you to jump back and fall on your ass.
  1082. >"You did it! See, I told you you could!"
  1083. >You just sit there with wide eyes looking at the remaining smoke from the fire.
  1084. >At this point the nerdy purple Alicorn comes bursting inside.
  1085. >"What's going on!? I felt a magic burst, are you colts okay!?" The yelps ad she looks around the room.
  1086. >Looking up at the ceiling she sees a scorch mark and sighs.
  1087. >"Spike, what did I tell you about playing with your fire in the house?"
  1088. >"It wasn't me! I was just showing Anon he could breathe fire." He says patting your leg as you still sit there in awe. "And boy, can he use fire! That thing was massive! You should have seen it Twi, he was like FWOOSH! BRURR! It was so cool!"
  1089. >Twilight changes her gaze to you in curiosity.
  1090. >"Is that true Anon?" She ask tilting her head.
  1091. "I don't know what's true anymore, Twilight."
  1095. > Not being Equestrian, Anon is a blank slate magic-wise
  1096. > Doesn't mean he can learn every spells or other MarieSue bullshit
  1097. > His magic abilities are instead determined by whatever the people around him think he can do
  1098. > Every day is a roller-coaster of both awesomeness and disappointment
  1099. > It get worse once Twilight find a way to actively pick his magic-of-the-moment
  1106. > Be Sunset Shimmer, chilling with Rarity and Anon on the couch
  1107. > You're watching some fashion based show, something about finding frumpy guys and upgrading their wardrobe
  1108. > Rarity generously decided to educate Anon on fashion in this new world
  1109. > You really aren't sure if it's working, Anon is alternating between shaking his head and laughing at the frilly outfits
  1110. > It's pretty cute, he's such a janefilly
  1111. > You absently scratch under your boob
  1112. > Anon goes silent
  1113. > You glance over, only to find him starring at your tits, then looking away
  1114. > Huh
  1115. > You look forward, keeping him in your peripheral vision
  1116. > Experiemntally, you cross your arms under your breasts, lifting them up a little
  1117. > He's staring again, blushing a little
  1118. > By Celestia's tuft, he's looking at you like you used to look at a stallion's balls!
  1119. > You glance at Rarity, who is missing all the action
  1120. > You can't leave a sis out on this revelation
  1121. > You lean over and whisper to her
  1122. "Rarity, check this out!"
  1123. > She turns to look at you with an eyebrow raised
  1124. > "Yes?"
  1125. > You take off your shirt, letting your tits hang freely
  1126. > Rarity rolls her eyes
  1127. > "Yes, very nice, now put your shirt back on."
  1128. > You glance at Anon
  1129. > He's just staring, his cheeks reddening
  1130. "What do you think, Anon? Do you want me to put my shirt on?"
  1131. > Rarity scoffs
  1132. > Anon grins
  1133. > "By all means, keep your shirt off. It'd be a crime to hide those magnificent titties."
  1134. > You grin back
  1135. "Thank you, Anon."
  1136. > Rarity laughs nervously
  1137. > "Don't you think it's a little, ah, uncouth?"
  1138. > Anon shrugs
  1139. > "Maybe? I can't speak for guys around here, but for me this is a dream come true."
  1140. > Rarity doesn't seem to know what to say to that, but she is beginning to blush
  1141. > And compare her own tits to yours, which is not entirely fair to her
  1142. > A sis's work is never done
  1143. "Hey Anon, do you want to see Rarity's breasts?"
  1144. > Rarity turns as red as a beet
  1145. > Anon licks his lips nervously
  1146. > "If she doesn't mind showing me, absolutely."
  1147. >
  1148. something something sex scene
  1152. >Sunset is very ambitious despite no longer being a villain
  1153. >She sees opportunities that other people don't, and she helps her herd-sister Rarity find new business opportunities
  1154. >This results in increased revenue
  1156. >Rarity, fashion-minded as she is, is the first to notice that Anon is different from the other boys in school
  1157. >She's of the philosophy that clothes reflect the person beneath them, and Anon never wears anything extravagant or frilly or multi-layered (like the other boys do)
  1158. >This leads to her working her way from the clothes to the person, and ends up very specifically paying more attention to the way Anon acts and reacts
  1159. >Realizes he's a bit more than just your average tomgirl (janegirl?) and discovers that he appreciates more "manly" (read: frilly) clothing, but only when women wear them
  1160. >Encourages Sunset to try on a custom-made bra and panties set that resembles RGREqG-men's lingerie
  1161. >Sunset calls it "a bunch of dyke-y shit", but trusts Rarity's fashion sense enough to try just one time
  1162. >"You wanted to make Anon know we're serious about the three of us, right?"
  1163. >Rarity is surprised that Anon's shorts don't rip when he sees Sunset that evening
  1164. >Rarity is as smug as she is well-fucked that night
  1172. >at first Anon was astounded at the sheer volume of sugar that ponies consume on a daily basis
  1173. >astonishment turned to concern, fearing that some of his new technicolor friends might end up giving themselves diabetes, or might already have it and he'd simply not noticed yet
  1174. >concern then turned to amusement, referring to it as simply "Something Ponies Do"
  1175. >however, that amusement began to fade when the news came in that one of Equestria's premier sugar providers suffering a crop failure of almost unprecedented scale
  1176. >the honest-to-god candy ration was a bit jarring when the mailmare started delivering them each day, his own being slightly larger than a mare's ration, due to him "being a stallion and needing it more"
  1177. >but things started to get really uncomfortable when he heard how some of the surlier mares in town were handling the unexpected shortage
  1178. >a surprisingly large number of them took the scale of crop failure as evidence of foul play, and a simply disturbing number of the usually cheery equines were demanding outright war on whoever was responsible
  1179. >he almost asked how simple sugar could be so important as to threaten war over it right then and there, but managed to keep himself quiet
  1180. >he found he didn't quite feel safe around those mares just then
  1181. >and THAT definitely shut him up for a while
  1182. >eventually, he managed to get an answer out of the purpelest book horse
  1183. >apparently, while a pony CAN live off of oats and various grasses, they also require a steady supply of sugar
  1184. >if they don't get that sugar... things start to happen
  1185. >but the oddest (and most frustrating) part, was that not even Twilight seemed to know what those things were
  1188. > Anon, or the selfless hero of ponyville as he soon will be called stores all his candy
  1189. > Getting more for his size and being male he hardly eats any and puts it all in jars
  1190. > At the breaking point of ponyville which is the hardest hit for being so far from everywhere else anon selflessly gives all his irreplaceable candy to everypony before they kill themselves in a brawl for a klondike bar 
  1191. > This kind hearted stallion sacrificed his life blood for ponyville, its a friendship miracle he didn't die from sugerloss from this act
  1194. >Bon Bon's status of candy-maker is the only reason she's allowed to be as abrasive and cunty as she is
  1195. >This means a lot in a society that has a legitimate princess of friendship
  1196. >It's also why ponies who witness Bon Bon give Anon a gift of her finest candies ("It's not like I wanted to know if you wanted to maybe go see a movie with me or something, b-baka~") all gasped dramatically
  1198. >Anon accepts, because he finds grump-horse cute
  1199. >ponies are afraid that, with how she acts, its an abusive relationship waiting to happen
  1200. >and with her job as a confectioner, and the easy access to sugar it provides, they're also afraid that she'll try hooking him on her sugar specifically
  1201. >and after that, who knows what could happen
  1202. >she might try blackmailing him into staying with her as some kind of sex-slave
  1203. >or. even worse, she might even force him to sell himself out on the street to feed the addiction she forced on him!
  1204. >distressed_horse_noises.vinyl
  1205. >as nice, upstanding and honorable mares, they cannot let this travesty stand!
  1206. >they must sally forth, and rescue the fair, innocent colt Anonymous from this den of treachery and lust 'ere he be ensared in it forever!
  1208. >Meanwhile, Anon is peppering Bon Bon's muzzle with kisses and enjoying her squeaks and the way she's desperately trying to keep the grumpy look on her face
  1212. >Sugar confectioners have one of the most important jobs in Equestria: making sure that everypony has their daily supply of sugar in whatever form they need
  1213. >Only a few ponies who have an abnormal amount of self-control can properly do their job without forcing themselves into a sugar-coma from eating their own products
  1214. >Bon Bon is only grumpy because she forces herself to only have the absolute minimum amount of sugar to keep going in order to maintain her self control
  1215. >Otherwise, she'll have a permanent food baby like Mrs. Cake and then no stallion would want her
  1217. >When Anon apprentices at her shop, she kept an eye on him at all times to see if he would fall to the call of sugar like so many other ponies
  1218. >She finds out that not only can he control himself doing work, but he could goes days, even a week before she forced him to have some chocolate before he collapses from malnourishment
  1219. >Bon Bon never thought that she would have to beg somepony to eat sugar, but he does good work
  1220. >Not to mention that it feels good to hear him compliment her work
  1228. >Rarity looks forward to horse-weddings
  1229. >sure, it may sting a bit to be reminded rather bluntly that she's not getting horse-married any time soon, but they're simply magnificent for business
  1230. >the wedding dresses and suit are nice, but the real money, she's found, is stitching the alpha of the herd's cutie mark into every scrap of clothing brought to her
  1231. >she may only charge a few bits a pop, but most ponies have more clothes than they realize, and thus part with more bits than they realize
  1232. >sure, it can get a bit boring stitching the same design into so many pieces of cloth for hours on end, but she finds a unique sort of challenge in finding the best place to put it
  1233. >her favourite items to work on are, of course, the stallion's testicle bras
  1234. >which is why she was so disappointed when the alpha of Anon's herd, (waifu) came to her about a week before the wedding
  1235. >true, the odd stallion easily owned the most clothes in the whole town, and she would be making quite the pretty bit doing it, but it just lost some of the fun when (waifu) told her that Anon didn't wear any support
  1236. >or own any, for that matter
  1237. >u-unf
  1238. >okay, maybe it is still a bit fun
  1245. >Sunset and Sci-Twi are in a lesbian relationship, but they’re very bad at hiding it.
  1246. >It’s one of the worst kept secrets at Canterlot High next to the frequent magical escapades, but the students pretend not to know out of politeness.
  1247. >That and they still remember when Sunset was a huge bitch so they don’t want to piss her off. 
  1248. >Things get awkward when Sunset catches her roommate, Anon, spying on her and Twilight while they make out.
  1249. >.... With a very obvious boner.
  1250. >While Sunset is bisexual and open to the idea of a threesome relationship, coming from a herding society, RGREqG is still very much monogamous.
  1251. >She knows Twilight likes guys as well judging from Timber Spruce, but doesn’t know if she’d be open to a ménage a trois
  1260. >Rainbow Dash and Anon had been going steady for nearly a year when she got pregnant.
  1261. >It was surprising, seeing as they were different species, but both partners quickly warmed up to the idea.
  1262. >Anon, in typical stallion fashion, was absolutely ecstatic to be a dad, and Dash was pretty excited, too.
  1263. >"Just you wait, Anon, our foal will be the fastest flyer in Equestria!"
  1264. >"With me teaching them, they'll be in the WonderBolts by the time they're ten!"
  1265. >"With our awesomeness combined, they'll be captain!"
  1266. >With every day, Dash grew more and more attached to the idea.
  1267. >Her and her foal, up in the skies, ponies looking up in awe at their awesomeness.
  1268. >Then the day came when she went into labor.
  1269. >It was tough, she would bashfully admit, seeing as most mares bragged about how easy they could foal.
  1270. >But Dash was a lot more narrow in the hips, so she had more trouble than those wide-flanked earth ponies.
  1271. >Still, the effort was worth it when she held her son in her arms.
  1272. >She'd have liked to have a daughter, but she didn't doubted her son would still be plenty awesome.
  1273. >Soarin' was a stallion, after all, and he was a pretty great flyer.
  1274. >Wanting to check out what the little fella was sporting on his back, Rainbow Dash pushed the swaddle aside.
  1275. >And froze.
  1276. >Even when Anon approached, she couldn't tear her eyes away from her son's back.
  1277. >From what was missing.
  1278. "Come on, Dashy, let me hold him!" Anon said excitedly, pulling his son from his wife's hooves. "Oh, you're a big guy, aren't'cha! No wonder you gave your mom so much trouble."
  1279. >"It's not surprising," Nurse Redheart commented. "Earth pony foals tend to be bigger than pegasus ones, so cross-tribe foaling can cause complications. Luckily everything went smoothly, though."
  1280. "Of course," Anon said, looking at Rainbow Dash. "My wife's the most awesome mare around, right? She can handle anything... right, Dash...? Dash?"
  1281. >But the mare wasn't listening, to busy staring down at her hooves, as if her broken dreams were there
  1289. >Celestia wants the monkey dick
  1290. >doesn't know how to relate to Anon though
  1291. >uses a cheeki breeki mind reading spell when passing him by one day to find out what he likes
  1292. >gets a brainful of vidya and memes instead
  1293. >starts throwing out weird pickup lines like pic related
  1294. >Anon is concerned that he's found another pony like Pinkie that Knows
  1295. >something something RGRE
  1303. >anon cant speak pony but he can understand their body language enough
  1304. >in the beginning he was a little unsure about the ponies he's been living with for a while
  1305. >many see him as a shy wallflower, not really keen in involving himself on anything
  1306. >if not for a certain pink pony who pull him out of his shell
  1308. >pinkie would come to anon everyday acting like a excited dog dragging him all over ponyville to show him all the sights
  1309. >pinkie's penchant for being touchie feely was not much of a issue to anon unlike for stallions
  1310. >this made anon think "oh they're like funny corgies and they seem to like hugs"
  1311. >since then he would just pick up anypony who would approach him as a greeting
  1312. >their sqeaks of protest would only encourage him further
  1321. >Anon is the RGRE equivalent of the mother of monsters. 
  1322. >Unfortunately for his spawn he's a better dad than the Loki
  1324. >Anon stands in his bathrobe with a rolled up newspaper, glaring at his embarrassed daughter and her night time visitor... Coated in bbq sauce.
  1325. Sweetie... Were you trying to eat your freinds agian?
  1326. >Anon says with a voice like poison
  1327. >"I uhh, I umm, w-well you see the thing is"
  1328. >"Lay off of her, I was the one who wanted this"
  1329. >Her stailion companion quickly regrets speaking up as anons murder face falls on him.
  1330. What, did you just say
  1331. >"W-well I just thought it would be kinda hot yo-"
  1332. Shhhhhhh, Shhh
  1333. >Anon shushes the stailion and with a sigh turns around and yells out. 
  1334. Etris, did you invent the internet agian?
  1335. >After a minute she weakly calls out from her room
  1336. >"I-it was only dial up"
  1337. >Anon sighs agian and stands up
  1338. >It's grounding time
  1345. >Be Anon
  1346. >Friday Night
  1347. >Hanging out at the local card shop
  1348. >Shuffling deck to pass the time
  1349. >Red/Green Eldrazi
  1350. >Not the most efficient deck, but fun
  1351. >Three mares stroll up to you
  1352. >"Hey gals, get a look at this. It's a fake gamer colt!"
  1353. >Roll your eyes and ignore them
  1354. >You've gotten used to this since you arrived in Equestria
  1355. >Mare doesn't take well to being ignored
  1356. >Uses her magic to rip your deck outta your hands
  1357. >Quickly shuffles through it looking amused
  1358. >"You call this a deck?"
  1359. "Yes, now give it back."
  1360. >"Pssh, you couldn't beat a foal with a deck like this."
  1361. "Wanna bet?"
  1362. >"Oh? Are you trying to say you could beat me? With a deck like this?"
  1363. "Yeah, I could!"
  1364. >"Hey girls, looks like this fake gamer colt thinks he has a clit on him."
  1365. >"Teach him what happens when a colt plays a mare's game."
  1366. >"Alright then, we've got time before the tourney starts. Tell you what, if I win then you've gotta admit to all these nice mares here that you're a fake gamer colt."
  1367. "And when I win?"
  1368. >"Hah! As if. But tell you what, if you win then the three of us'll take you out on a date. How's that sound? We'll even take you shopping for clothes afterwards. Right girls?"
  1369. >The other two mares are sniggering behind their hooves, unaware of their imminent doom.
  1370. "Sounds good to me."
  1371. >She sits down and pulls out her deck and starts shuffling.
  1372. >You idly shuffle as well
  1373. >You cut each other's decks
  1374. >Both of you draw 7 cards
  1375. >She keeps, you mulligan
  1376. >The next hand you get makes you grin
  1377. >It seems like somepony up there really wanted you to have that date.
  1378. >Turn one land for you and a Lightning Bolt for her
  1379. >Seems like she's running a burn deck
  1380. >No matter, you only needed two more turns
  1381. >Turn two summon an Eldrazi Spawn
  1382. >Another three damage to you
  1383. >No problem, turn three you summon another five spawns before sacrificing four of them for a Hand of Emrakul
  1384. >Rest of the game was EZ from there
  1385. "GG, so about that date."
  1387. >"Hey, loser, if you can beat me at cards, I'll allow you to take me on a date!"
  1388. "Oh, you're on!"
  1390. And then she threw the match and got to go out with the exotic stallion she had a crush on.
  1391. Anon is easily duped
  1393. >Anon believes himself the keikaku master of his Chinese dramas
  1394. >he's actually the rgre version of the Ditzy girl
  1401. >Anon is playing in a BattleMallet tournament at the local card shop.
  1402. >He wasn't the best, but he had been getting into WarHameer before arriving in this crazy world and had been learning this new take on the game ever since.
  1403. >Despite the eye rolls from the girls, he did well, making it all the way to the semifinals before losing to the eventual winner of the whole thing.
  1404. >Moondancer, for her part, was surprised by how well the strange stallion had done, having really given her a challenge before succumbing to her army.
  1405. >That's why she nervously approached him as he was packing his things to say, "Um, h-hey there, I just wanted to say that was a really good game we had."
  1406. >Anon looks up and smiles.
  1407. "Thanks. I'm not surprised I lost to you, though. You're really good."
  1408. >Moondancer blushes.
  1409. >"Thanks... So, how long have you been into BattleMallet?"
  1410. >He shrugs.
  1411. "Only a couple months, but I've always thought things like this were cool."
  1412. >"Only a couple months?" Moondancer said skeptically.
  1413. "Yeah, but it's a lot like a game I used to play back home, so I at haven't had to relearn everything."
  1414. >Moondancer was surprised, and maybe just a little bit turned on, by the strange stallion's skill, and asked, "Hey, you want to have another match? I noticed a few times in our last one that you missed some good opportunities. Maybe I can give you some pointers this time."
  1415. >Anon smiles widely, getting Moondancer to shiver slightly.
  1416. "Really? Of course! That'd be great! Just let me get my stuff back out."
  1423. >magic sometimes favor one trait over another
  1424. >in pegasai this translates into singing voice or flight
  1425. >singing is typically a male thing since they used their ability to soothe predators while the mares fought
  1426. >a mare whose talents favor singing are alienated from the flock
  1427. >to modern days a 'songbird' is a very derogatory thing to call a pegasus mare
  1428. >this was why Fluttershy can hardly fly
  1429. >this was why Fluttershy was bullied as hard as she was
  1430. >in comes Rara
  1431. >for the first time her singing isn't a source of humiliation when her audience isn't animals
  1432. >for the first time Fluttershy has a true friend
  1433. >and eventually the bravery to go into the Everfree when Nightmare Moon returns when others thought she was far too soft a mare
  1434. >and I guess Anon comes in and fugs them later on or something
  1441. >She's "holding" Anon down, bouncing on his lap.
  1442. >"You like that, colt? I'm going to drain you dry, and there's nothing you can do about it."
  1443. >Anon, for his part, his leaning back, hands behind his head, enjoying Fluttershy as if she were a self-powered onahole.
  1444. >That is, until there's a ding from down stairs.
  1445. "Oh! My spinach puffs are ready to come out of the oven! Do you mid getting up for a sec, Flutters?"
  1446. >She grins cruelly.
  1447. >"Afraid not, my little toy. Seems your puffs will have to burn, because I'm not finished yet."
  1448. >Anon deadpans.
  1449. "Seriously, Fluttershy, that's my dinner we're talking about. Either get up or get embarrassed."
  1450. >"Oh? And what are you going to do, Anon? How's the little colt gonna make me-eep!"
  1451. >Without even a grunt of effort, Anon sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed.
  1452. >Fluttershy clings to his torso, still sunk to the base of his member as he walks through the house.
  1453. >She's blushing intensely as the human acts as if she's not even there, grabbing an oven mitt and pulling his tray of golden brown spinach puffs from the oven and placeing them on a cooling rack.
  1454. "Mmm, perfect," he says after a whiff. "Doesn't that just wet your appetite, Flutters?"
  1455. >The mare simply stares up at him, wide-eyed, giving a little hump every once in a while
  1463. >Be Anon
  1464. >Secretly a scalie
  1465. >Dragon Lord Ember visits Ponyville
  1466. >Instant boner
  1467. >Ask her out
  1468. >She says she'll go out with you if you can beat her in a fight
  1469. >She expects you to run home with your tail in between your legs like all the other colts
  1470. >Too bad you're not a colt
  1471. >You're a man
  1473. >Anon proceeds to start losing the fight near instantly.
  1474. >Turns out puny man-flash ain't got nothing on dragon-pipes.
  1475. >While wrestled to the ground, Anon sees her tail lift, and hears the voice of his man, Steve Erwin.
  1476. "Crikey!" Anon screams as way of battle cry before plunging his thumb two knuckles deep into her tail hole.
  1477. >"Eeh!?"
  1478. >After the proceeding mauling, Anon is set up in a hospital room, broken and pale as they had no human blood for a transfusion.
  1479. >He's staring at the ceiling, questioning his life decisions, when the door slowly creeks open to reveal a blushing and nervous Dragon Lord.
  1480. >Anon is terrified at first, fearing she has come to finish him off, but she quickly explains she was just checking in.
  1481. >"I'm sorry for going overboard like I did," she explains. "Honestly, you just surprised me, is all, doing... that in front of a bunch of ponies. I couldn't let such disrespect go unanswered and lose face."
  1482. "It's, uh, it's fine. That was totally inappropriate," Anon assured. "I deserved it for pulling something like that in a fair fight."
  1483. >She rubs an arm and bites her lip.
  1484. >"You really didn't... especially because I kind of liked it..."
  1485. "E-excuse me?"
  1486. >Anon watches, stunned as the dragoness climbs into bed next to him, rubbing the same claw that had nearly gouged his eye out gently across his bandaged chest.
  1487. >"No one knows this, but I've always had a thing for brave males... and butt stuff."
  1488. "No kidding?" Anon finds himself asking even as her arm starts to lower towards his waist.
  1489. >"Yeah," she says, blush turning from embarrassed to aroused. "Just thinking about what you did... it stokes my fire."
  1490. >Anon shivers as he feels cool scales brush against his member, claws ghosting over the soft flesh.
  1491. >Several seconds in, and he should be rock hard, yet, he hasn't even begun to swell.
  1492. >Ember gives him a confused look.
  1493. >"Is everything alright? Do you not want to do it after I..."
  1494. "No, no!" Anon assured. "It's just, I'm kinda short on blood."
  1502. >Times are tough for the hive
  1503. >Not enough love to go around
  1504. >It's your duty as queen to make the hard decisions
  1505. >Get rid of the latest clutch of hatchlings and ban further mating until more love can be acquired
  1507. >Be Anon
  1508. >Exploring Everfree because it reminds you of home
  1509. >Stumble across a dozen bug horse foals
  1510. >All alone
  1511. >You're not an asshole
  1512. >Well you are an asshole
  1513. >But you're not going to let foals die out here
  1514. >Take them home
  1515. >Become father to a dozen changelings and accidentally start your own hive
  1517. >Chrysalis hears word of a fledgling hive in or around Ponyville
  1518. >"The ovaries of that Queen must be the size of medicine balls to be hosting a hive right on the Princess of Friendship's front lawn."
  1519. >Visits to see what her competition is like
  1520. >Zeros in on the source: a cottage at the edge of the village
  1521. >"Bingo."
  1522. >Sneaks in through the door; it's unlocked
  1523. >"That mare is a cocky daughter-of-a-bastard, I'll give her that."
  1524. >The lights click on, and Chrysalis has to fight her buggy instincts to scuttle under the fridge and hide
  1525. >Something tickles her hivemind; something familiar
  1526. >>"Mommy?"
  1527. >Oh, fuck
  1528. >It's those nymphs she totally abandoned for the sake of her hive's survival
  1529. >>"Mommy!"
  1530. >"Fuck."
  1531. >A second voice - deep and smooth - enters the fray
  1532. >>>" 'Mommy', huh?"
  1533. >"Double fuck."
  1534. >>>"Sit tight, 'mommy', 'cuz you've got some 'splainin' to do."
  1538. >Chrysalis is captured
  1539. >Agrees to undergo friendship lessons with Twilight in exchange for her children being allowed to safely wander the streets
  1540. >"Don't you buckin' look at me like that, Anon. It was either that or moon-punishment, for ALL of us."
  1541. >Gets to hanging around Anon, since he's just about the only creature who doesn't run at the sight of her
  1542. >He wasn't around at the time of the wedding incident (which Chrysalis refers to as "the you-know-what that happens you-know-where, which we will never speak of ever again"), so he never witnessed the terror of the changelings first hand.
  1543. >All in all, he doesn't give too much of a shit
  1544. >They just talk
  1545. >Little does he know, his consistent presence is stabilizing Chrysalis and aiding her progress from "bug monster" to "bug monster who is also a productive member of society"
  1546. >Anon's friendship comes to mean very much to Chrysalis
  1547. >Something something RGRE; maybe her nymphs were listening during her misandrist rants back in the day and innocently ask Anon why he isn't either in the bug-kitchen or in Chrysalis's bug-bed
  1548. >"Mommy says pony males are good for only two things, mister Anon!"
  1549. >A hoof claps (gently) over the young changeling's mouth
  1550. >>"Y-Yes, well... mommy might have had something to drink when she said that."
  1558. >Be background pone
  1559. >You were just finishing a twitch stream
  1560. >Glance a the sidebar to see some Ball Streamer in the sidebar
  1561. >Decide to click on it for a quickie
  1562. >6 months later
  1563. >At a mandatory town council meeting
  1564. >Something about unsafe building practices
  1565. >"So we would like to bring out Mr Anon, our resident irrigation expert"
  1566. >When you see him you need to do a double take
  1567. >Holy shit
  1568. >It's him
  1569. >Try not to burst into laughter as "ZombieSparkleBoy" gives a detailed speech about two-valve sprinkler systems
  1578. >Anon Jr. is even more desirable than his father.
  1579. >All the looks and work ethic without all the interest in grimy girl stuff like getting sweaty and not showering immediately, or not shaving his bush.
  1580. >Anon has to beat the girls off with a stick, literally, because his son has also inherited his and the mother's combined libido.
  1581. >Seriously, a horny dad from a normal gender roles people and a horny mother from a reverse gender roles people producing an ungodly horndog of a child should have been obvious, but hindsight...
  1582. >Anon Jr. primps and preens in front of the mirror everyday before school, wears skintight outfits, and walks with a noticeable swagger, all in a display that is quite literally "Asking for it," from every girl he passes.
  1583. >Anon's not worried about the boy being raped.
  1584. >You can't rape the willing, after all.
  1585. >He is worried about having several grandkids before he even has his first gray hair, though
  1593. I like the idea that Chrysalis literally does not know how to get things without using force. I think there was a prompt about Chrysalis's mother teaching with her hooves. Anon probably didn't even know he was out on a date with the changeling queen until she undid the blindfold and, cackling madly, declared that they were in the finest restaurant in Canterlot
  1600. > Anon keeps hearing about what happened at various sleepovers
  1601. > He always says he has plans when invited to a sleepover, partially because it sounds kinda fruity, and partially because he can't sleep if it's too noisy
  1602. > While he is at the Carrousel Beautique, paying for his new swimsuit, he mentions to Rarity that he doesn't get why ponies are always having sleepovers
  1603. > She has a bad feeling, and asks when the last time he went on a sleepover
  1604. > He scratched his cheek
  1605. "I think I was fourteen at the time, so fifteen years ago? Yeah, that sounds right."
  1606. > Rarity faints, then immediately revives
  1607. > She insists that he go to a sleepover this night, it's not healthy for someone to go so long without bonding like that
  1608. > He frowns at her
  1609. "Fine. I'll go with you to a sleepover, and see what I've been missing."
  1610. > Rarity hurriedly agrees, glad that he's finally being sensible
  1611. > It isn't until he leaves that she realizes what she agreed to
  1612. > Rarity begins to sweat at the thought of a stallion at her sleepover
  1613. > Luckily the other mares are also pretty coltish, so he shouldn't feel too out of place, but still
  1614. > She has a lot of preparation to do for the night
  1616. >"Oh, no. I can't break out 'pin the cock on the stallion', and that's my biggest crowd-pleaser!"
  1618. >Anon comes and everyone has a good time
  1619. >After seeing his "coltish side," which was Anon just going along with everything, Rarity feels a bit attracted to Anon
  1620. >When eveyone is asleep, she decides to enact a secret fantasy of hers: holding hooves while sleeping.
  1621. >When they wake up, a filly is sleeping between her and Anon and calls them mommy and daddy when she wakes up
  1623. > Sweetie Belle does her best to get Anon and Rarity together
  1624. > Even if it means acting like a little filly to trigger Anon's paternal instincts
  1632. >Be Rarity
  1633. >While leaving from visiting Fluttershy for some tea and cucumber sandwiches you spot her.
  1634. >The strange hairless minotaur cow by the woods.
  1635. >No doubt banished because of her deformed legs or flat chest.
  1636. >Perhaps both.
  1637. >Helping the girl has crossed your mind many times but you remember Iron Will.
  1638. >And he was a minotaur bull
  1639. >Zecora is one thing but you aren't putting your life on the line to test if a mino cow acts more like a yak than a zebra.
  1640. >Twilight says that they are a very territorial species, and we should count ourselves lucky that she chose to live at the outskirts of town and not attack.
  1641. Still...
  1642. >As she climbs out of her mudhole carrying the clay that will eventually be more tiles, to the sparse home she is building next to her even more sparse hut you see that she still wears her simple pair of short pants
  1643. >As she does daily
  1644. >Well worn from current life, but even at this distance you can see that they are tightly woven and still hold together well after the weeks she's been here.
  1645. >Perhaps she was born at a high station before her banishment, or wishes to be a lady despite her disabilities.
  1646. You poor thing.
  1647. >With some resolve you smile and prance back to your boutique
  1648. >You had to eyeball the measurements so they won't be up to your usual quality
  1649. >And you may have to drop them off in the dead of night.
  1650. >But your cutiemark demands you help her, even if it is only in this small way
  1658. >Anon is Sunset Shimmer’s boyfriend
  1659. >Except it’s before her falling out with Celestia and subsequent running away to EqG
  1660. >Anon is a stabilizing influence on the ambitious and egotistical young mare, which prevent her from becoming the villain she was in canon.
  1661. >Sunset still has her moments where her temper and pride get the better of her, due to not having the humbling experience of getting hit by the Friendship Cannon.
  1662. >Sonic Rainboom still happens.
  1663. >Celestia takes on Twilight as a second student to help the young filly learn to control her powerful magic.
  1664. >Sunset can’t help but feel jealous of her.
  1665. >Twilight managed to do what no one else has on Egg Test and actually hatch the damn thing when the test was designed to be impassable.
  1666. >Plus the younger unicorn rapidly proves herself to be just as smart as Sunset.
  1667. >All the time spent studying and practicing only for this kid to show up and be an even better version of her?
  1668. >But that changes when Sunset realizes that Twilight actually really looks up to her, almost as much as she does Celestia.
  1669. >Years pass and the two of them settle into an almost sisterly relationship by the time Nightmare Moon shows up.
  1670. >Seeing her kouhai’s poor luck with stallions, Sunset decides to ask Anon about possibly letting Twilight in and making their relationship into a proper herd
  1677. >It took far longer than it should have and Principle Celestia is kicking herself for it, but she now knows Sunset Shimmer is a minor without a guardian.
  1678. >This news was brought to her by the gym teacher, Anonymous, who had grown suspicious that someone was living in the supply closet.
  1679. >She was skeptical at first, thinking he was just being a paranoid man, but his masculine intuition had been right and the culprit revealed.
  1680. >To think the school bully was a homeless vagrant all along.
  1681. >No doubt many of the students would find the truth quite sweet after how much she had tormented them over the last year.
  1682. >Still, despite her past transgressions, Celestia could not say their wasn't a pang of sympathy in her heart for the girl, especially when she broke down in her office after the principle had told her she would have to contact child services.
  1683. >Sunset couldn't be sent away!
  1684. >She needed to be there for when the portal opened!
  1685. >She may not have said this, but the teary eyed desperation showed in her pleading.
  1686. >She was doing fine in the gym!
  1687. >She didn't need a home!
  1688. >"Please let me stay!"
  1689. >Celestia was sad, but she wasn't going to give.
  1690. >Anonymous, on the other hand, was a man, and of course had a soft spot for children.
  1691. >It was no real surprise then when he cleared his throat and stepped forward from by the door to make an offer.
  1692. >As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sunset had clung to them, agreeing to the idea.
  1693. >"Yes!"
  1694. >"I'll live with the gym teacher!"
  1695. >"Then I can keep going to Canterlot High, right?"
  1696. >Thus is how Anon found himself setting up a guest room for a teenage girl he was now the guardian of.
  1697. >He really was too nice for his own good
  1705. >Long ago, Anon landed in Equestria, where he met a seemingly nice mare who he started dating.
  1706. >Said mare turned out to be an odd sort of crazy.
  1707. >The kind of crazy that could disguise itself and make other's go along with it..
  1708. >The, "Hey, you should let me improve you with totally-not dark magic," crazy.
  1709. >"Tails are so useful, dear, and the spade-tip would feel lovely up a bum."
  1710. >"You're dick could stand to be a little bigger."
  1711. >"I'd say at least... six more inches."
  1712. >"And bumps."
  1713. >"Hey, long tongues are nifty, right?"
  1714. >"It'll increase your lollipop eating skills significantly... and cunnilingus."
  1715. >"You know, food is actually pretty expensive, and bits are tight."
  1716. >"How 'bout I make it so you can feed off of sexual energy?"
  1717. >"Feed two birds with one scone, ya'know?"
  1718. >"Oh, the horns are necessary for siphoning the sex energy, pay them no mind, dear."
  1719. >Over the course of several years in the strangest, albeit kinkiest relationship he's ever been in, Anon realizes he looks like a fucking demon.
  1720. >Shit, when the Solar Guard busted into their home and arrested his marefriend for being a witch, they accused him of being an incubus summoned from the Pits of Despair.
  1721. >A claim, Anon realized, was only half false as he clearly wasn't human anymore.
  1722. >Another realization he soon came to is that Tartarus fucking sucks.
  1723. >Especially after hundreds of years there with no one to talk to but a wrinkly centaur dude who spends all his time ranting about his evil aspirations.
  1724. >Anon thought he would be stuck there forever until a magic circle etched itself into the air above his head and sucked him in.
  1725. >With a yelp, he was spat straight up into the air of a dim room, the circle vanishing right before gravity dropped him back through.
  1726. >He nearly busted his tail when he landed roughly on his ass.
  1727. >"...Oooh buck," he heard a voice murmur.
  1728. >Looking up, he spots four mares in robes.
  1729. >From under the hoods, he can spot a beige, blue, cream, and yellow muzzles, each with hanging jaws
  1737. >Anon arrives in RGREqG shortly after Sunset's defeat
  1738. >Anon befriends her despite all the boys at school having spread rumours that she's a rapist and a creep
  1739. >Anon provides stable companionship and becomes her emotional rock
  1740. >After a number of months, they become lovers
  1741. >Anon arrives back home from the jewelry store with an engagement ring and is surprised when Sunset gets down on one knee before he does
  1742. >Anon wonders silently if Sunset sold a fucking organ or two in order to afford such a beautiful ring
  1743. >A year or so later, shortly after they're married, Sunset reveals that she's rich as fuck thanks to her investing in companies that ended up taking off
  1744. >"I... I thought you already knew I was wealthy! Didn't you ever notice that I don't have a job? I mean, look at my apartment! It's bucking awesome!"
  1745. >Sunset unintentionally got an (unnecessary) reminder that Anon loves her for her and didn't marry her for her money
  1752. >"You going to work again?"
  1753. "Yes dear"
  1754. >You are Chrysalis
  1755. >You are the Don of Canterlot USA
  1756. >And your husband doesn't even know
  1757. >He's too good for you, if he found out...
  1758. >Well, you wouldn't be surprised if he left you
  1759. >Tonight you have to take care of some "business"
  1760. "Love you"
  1761. >"Love you too Chryssy"
  1762. >You give him a goodbye kiss and go to the car waiting for you at the end of the driveway and get in
  1763. "Do we have the "yard trimmings" in the trunk?"
  1764. >"Yeah boss, we got the cement mixer too"
  1765. "Excellent."
  1766. >You and your goons drive for two hours to a secluded lake and take a boat out to the middle
  1767. >You slap the tied up woman awake and have two goons hold her up
  1768. "You knew what would happen if you fucked with us."
  1769. >"You crazy bitch!! You can't do this too me, do you know who I am!?"
  1770. "Yes, a corpse."
  1771. >You have her mouth taped shut and have the cement shoes made
  1772. "I hope you told your family goodbye before we found you. Goodbye."
  1773. >She's tossed off the boat and you make your way home
  1776. >He knows.
  1777. >Of course he knows.
  1778. >Chrysalis is about as slick as they come. Able to lie without a single skipped heart beat, able to dip her hands in pockets and make the victim wish they had more to give, and able to stare into the abyss and make it cower. 
  1779. >But she wasn't subtle about protecting her precious lover. A more ditzy man may have missed the signs, but a few weeks of reading between the lines confirmed it to Anon.
  1780. >His Chrysalis is a crime lord. A big one. 
  1781. >Owning a 'cleaning business' should not require her direct input so often, nor should it necessitate goons masquerading as guards obviously hiding guns on them around the (admittedly large) house. 
  1782. >Anon sighs and fingers the small gun hidden at his waist, wondering when his Queen will come clean with him.
  1783. >...Or when circumstances will finally force her. 
  1784. >Either way, he will stay by his Chrissy's side, even if it means the death of him
  1786. >A new mob starts to rise in power led by a disgraced ex-member of Chrysalis' Mob, Thorax
  1787. >She disregards it not seeing any point to stomping it out
  1788. >Yet
  1789. >Pharynx somehow ends up getting roped into joining Thorax
  1790. >Helps him show Chrysalis up
  1791. >Eventually ends in the usual, Anon kidnapped with a gun to his head and no way for Chrysalis to get to him
  1792. >Anon has been taking self-defence lessons while Chrysalis was out because he expected it
  1793. >Ends up knocking out Pharynx and Thorax and drags Chrysalis back home telling her that they are gonna have a long talk
  1794. >Thorax and Pharynx are confused and somewhat terrified of Anon now
  1802. >Anon, once he converted to the joy of horsefuckery, thought he would get 2 or 3 mares, maybe 4 if he was feeling greedy.
  1803. >Any more than that was a bit intimidating. It would be a struggle to satisfy that many mares.
  1804. >Not even just sexually, but emotionally. There's only so many hours in the day, and only so many days in the week.
  1805. >When his first mare insisted they needed to talk, he braced himself for the herd talk.
  1806. >She'd been subtly and not so subtly dropping hints about some of her friends.
  1807. >If they really wanted it, maybe he could give it a shot. They'd just have to make it work, somehow.
  1809. >He thought he was prepared.
  1810. >2 or 3 more mares, that was reasonable, right?
  1811. >The gender ratio was even more out of whack than he realized.
  1812. >Turns out the expectation is for large herds.
  1813. >Very large.
  1814. >Like triple what he'd expected.
  1815. >No one would find it strange in the least if he had 10 mares. Or more.
  1816. >Monos were nearly unheard of, and were often temporary arrangements. Like what he and his mare had right now, with the expectation that the herd would grow in time.
  1817. >Almost without fail, small herds grew into big herds.
  1826. >You lead a small band/herd of bandits. Mostly mares, but some other races are mixed in.
  1827. >Turns out a stern but understanding male leader open to sex actually doesn't create as many respect issues as expected. 
  1828. >It actually keeps the stress in the team down.
  1829. >With some planning and taking advantage of the usual pony's lack of sense, you and your band lead a successful criminal career. 
  1830. >Then bad info strikes.
  1831. >The next carriage set for robbery holds not one, but all four princesses. They opted out of a large procession and guard unit for a plain looking carriage taking them to a meeting.
  1832. >Your band strikes, only to realize the horrid error too late. 
  1833. >If it was one, or maybe even two, you could have coordinated a retreat or maybe fought them off, but even the most in-sync team stood little chance against all 4 alicorns. 
  1834. >In a last ditch effort, you offer to take any punishment they give as long as your girls get let go, much to their protest.
  1835. >Naturally, Luna wants you all to rot in jail while Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight show their bleeding hearts.
  1836. >Guess who is getting the Reformation treatment?
  1843. > Be an evil sorcerer of some sort, maybe necromancer
  1844. > Be fixated on having a student carry on the legacy, and molding that student to be a immitation of yourself
  1845. > Choose Twilight to be your apprentice
  1846. > Show up as an exotic worker of magic looking to share knowledge
  1847. > Start off kindly, but become increasingly strict, insisting discipline is necessary for the higher magics
  1848. > Start managing her life, limiting her contact with her friends
  1849. > Corrupt her gradually, your sith apprentice
  1850. > Use Twilight to gain influence and control over the town
  1851. > Impose a sort of martial law, with curfew and a ban on heartsong
  1852. > Word gets to Celestia about the situation
  1853. > She arrives to a silent town, with ponies huddled in their homes
  1854. > You confront her with Twilight, ordering my apprentice to strike down her former master
  1855. > Twilight hesitates, your control over her slipping
  1856. > You grow angry with her, and try to puppet her with dark magic
  1857. > Celestia sings to Twilight, a montage of all their wholesome teacher-student moments
  1858. > Then she sings to you, about letting your student go, and watching them fulfill their own potential
  1859. > You are purified by the heartsong, and remove your corruption from Twilight
  1860. > In order to let go of your apprentice you must leave Ponyville, but is there some way you could hear how she is doing from time to time?
  1861. > Celestia offers a room at the palace, and sharing letters from Twilight with you
  1869. >You live in a typical medieval fantasy world
  1870. >You’re a simple peasant farmer, living happily with your wife and kids.
  1871. >Tragedy strikes, and your family is accidentally killed in the crossfire of a fight between the local dark wizard and a platoon of knights sent to defeat him.
  1872. >The wizard is killed but his spell books remain.
  1873. >You manage to steal and hide them before the knights can burn them, and in your maddened grief you delve into necromancy as a means of possibly bringing your family back.
  1874. >All you get is empty husks but it’s better than nothing.
  1875. >After a time, word spreads and many righteous warriors arrive intending to strike you down.
  1876. >You defeat a number of them, raising them from the dead to serve as zombie soldiers against the next group of paladins.
  1877. >Before you know it, you’re the new local dark wizard. All the while you’re desperately searching for any possible knowledge about your end goal.
  1878. >True Resurrection.
  1879. >Inevitably a warrior arrives who does defeat you, but you manage to escape with a risky backup plan that lands you in Equestria.
  1880. >You decide to start anew, hiding your foul magic.
  1881. >You fall in love again, marrying a peasant earth pony mare. You have foals. For a time, you are happy again.
  1882. >Then your second wife dies. Not from tragedy, but due to the inevitability of age. Your foals are all grown up and have foals of their own.
  1883. >Something broke inside of you again, and you decided this was unacceptable.
  1884. >You raise your wife’s corpse and start studying magic again. Surely in a world like Equestria, with much stronger magic, you’ll have a better chance of finding a solution? You already figured out how to stop yourself from aging decades ago.
  1885. >The use of dark magic in a pure world like Equestria is felt like a ripple, and is felt easily by those in touch with the forces of nature.
  1886. >You square of against more do-gooders, including Star Swirl the Bearded. You make a point of avoiding killing others this time. You’ve decided that death is a disease, and spreading it goes against what you want.
  1887. >So instead you rely on more traditional forms of offensive magic, bolstered by your studies of unicorn magic.
  1888. >Not long Celestia herself arrives to strike you downbas she had done so many other foul necromancers, but can't bring herself to harm a mourning stallion, no matter their species or past.
  1889. >She gets Luna to agree to using the Elements of Harmony, and you are turned into a statue.
  1890. >Having felt the touch of something so pure, and so powerful, you realized that the Elements of Harmony might be the key you’re looking for. And now all you have is time to think and plot.
  1891. >You become known as the Weeping Widow in legends.
  1892. >More than a thousand years later, after the reformation of Discord, Celestia has hope.
  1893. >If a Spirit of Chaos can turn to good, then surely this necromancer can, as well.
  1894. >The new Element bearers un-stone you, and your plan begins.
  1895. >Yoh decide to see if you have any remaining descendants in modern times, and ask Celestia for permission to use some relatively harmless blood magic to search for them. She allows it, and you discover that you’re Twilight Sparkle’s ancestor.
  1896. >She’s a curious one, and oh so gifted in magic. Yes, she’d make a fine student.
  1897. >You stay with her while you secretly put your plans into action. You let her believe that she’s slowly reforming you while you search for the necessary ingredients. You play the part of the doting, eccentric grandfather. Although it’s not all an act.
  1898. >Once you have everything you need, you slowly start to ease Twilight into learning dark magic. Her own nature as a seeker of knowledge makes it hard to resist. But it’s fine as long she doesn’t put what she learns into practice, right?
  1899. >Once they trust you enough, they allow you to help them find Sombra’s hidden research in the Crystal Empire, which also helps your goal.
  1900. >You deliberately trigger one of Sombra’s traps, showing you morbid visions of your past.
  1901. >You pretend to be driven mad again by the trap, and unleash your full necromantic might. Being honest with yourself, it did affect you more than you’d like to admit, but it only convinced you of the worthiness of this goal.
  1902. >As expected, the girls gather the Elements to stop you.
  1903. >To their surprise, you pull out a strange white gem and use it’s power to absorb the blast.
  1904. >While they’re dumbstruck, you grab Twilight and teleport back to your old hideout. You reveal your true plans to her, and she’s surprised when you show her your wife’s corpse in the hidden basement, perfectly preserved even after all this time.
  1905. >You set up the ritual, using the gem containing the stored energy of the Elements of Harmony to power it. 
  1906. >.... And it does nothing. No, it does worse than nothing. The moment it touches your wife’s corpse, she turns to dust before your very eyes.
  1907. >You shatter completely, just falling to your knees and crying over the now dust-filled casket. Why? Why didn’t it work?! You did everything right this time!
  1908. >Celestia and the rest of Elements appear, and she explains why your plan was doomed to failure.
  1909. >”The Elements of Harmony are a potent force for good, that’s true. But they also return things to their natural state. Death is a part of nature, as much as many of us may wish it wasn’t. Their power would never be able to revive the dead.”
  1910. >Of course they couldn’t. A thought crosses your mind. You ask Celestia how she deals with it. How as an immortal being, she copes with the loss of her mortal loved ones. Knowing that anyone she’s close to outside of her sister, Cadance, and most recently Twilight will die someday?
  1911. >She offers to teach you, but only if you’re genuinely willing to learn
  1912. >.... You’re tired of fighting, and you’re tired of only seeing empty husks when you try to do things your way.
  1913. >You accept. Celestia takes you back to Canterlot Castle, and shows you a hidden room of her own.
  1914. >Inside it contains an absolutely ancient looking painting, perfectly preserved with magic, of what appears to be a younger Celestia and Luna with two older mortal ponies who could only be their parents. They look happy. 
  1915. >You’re shown another painting, this time of an adult Celestia and Luna with a mortal stallion. They look happy. 
  1916. >Celestia tells you that she has more like these. The grief never truly goes away, but she finds that holding onto physical memories of those she’s loved in the past helps. The first two were commissioned, but she took the time to learn painting a millennia ago. In her rare free moments, she likes to paint the amazing mortals she’s cared about in the past, as she remembers them.
  1917. >You decide to give it a try, and to your surprise it does help, if only a little
  1926. >There is a language barrier between you and the ponies. Their language is simple enough to learn and understand, but speaking it is impossible because your vocal cords just can't make the same sounds. 
  1927. >So you understand them, but they can't understand you. Only Twilight has a good grasp on English and she can't spend all her time translating for you.
  1928. >But the magic of song is universally understood by ponies. If you sing, then they understand your words (for the most part). You even get the perk of a beautiful voice even if you didn't sing well before thanks to magic.
  1929. >The more you put your heart into a song, the more powerful the impact. In a moment of genuine depression, you muttered a few verses about missing home and made even a macho mare like Rainbow emotional. Poor Fluttershy was there too and about burst into tears.
  1930. >So you've just resigned yourself to non verbal communication unless you really need something and need to sing.
  1931. >Combine the singing with being male, tall as an alicorn, long periods of stoic (to them. They have a hard time reading your face) silence, and an exotic appearance, most ponies think of you as the equivalent to a giga elf princess. 
  1932. >Whether you like it or not, you've earned yourself more than a few admirers
  1940. >Ponies' lewd includes cuddling, wing-massages, and hoof-holding
  1941. >Anon realizes he could make a killing by selling his services as a stress-reliever
  1942. >He gets a variety of clients
  1943. >Mares who nervously reassure him that they've "never done this before" and that they "aren't that sort of mare", before realizing what they said and quietly apologizing to Anon
  1944. >They're his favourite repeat customers
  1945. >Mares who are very clearly cuddle-virgins in early adulthood who just want to get rid of their C(uddle)-card
  1946. >Anon holds them close and only charges them half-price because they're so damn cute
  1947. >High-society mares who are already waiting for him in a big comfy bed with lots of pillows and a rundown prepared for how they want to spend their time with him
  1948. >Anon gets paid extra to keep their names out of the newspapers
  1949. >A mare who looks suspiciously like Twilight with a pair of earmuffs clamped tight over her flank, blocking out all sight of her cutie mark
  1950. >Three times a week without fail
  1951. >Luckily, much like how Not-Twilight hides her identity by covering up her cutie mark, Anon just slips on a green skin-tight head mask before he meets with his clients and nopony is any the wiser.
  1960. >Anon, for reasons, doesn't get along with ponies, bar two or three (I'm thinking BonBon, because she knows Anon isn't dangerous due to her past experiences, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Applejack, though the latter is more of an annoyance he got used to due to her worries about him being an alone male, et cetera).
  1961. >Living in the Everfree, his home a cabin built in the ruins of the Old Castle, he earns a living by selling exotic things grown or built by himself.
  1962. >Rare herbs, spices, chilli peppers, foodstuffs like rice, and wood carvings, he gets a premium price for them.
  1963. >Luna and Celestia discover he's the soul grower of a rare type of chili they adore, thought extinct a thousand years ago.
  1964. >Anon's simple life becomes more complicated when nosey alicorns begin badgering him... especially when they discover he's an alone male.
  1965. >The various ''upper-crust'' and wannabes (e.g. Rarity) quickly become a nuisance, too, since his stuff must be good if the Princesses covet them
  1973. >"Anon? What would you do if I took off my shirt?"
  1974. "...Hmm?"
  1975. >"I'm not wearing a bra, so my boobs will be out. I know you like to stare at them all the time, heck, you're staring at them now--"
  1976. "Am not. I'm staring at the newspaper right there. And my cup of coffee. And the rug."
  1977. >"You are not, you silly boy. Now what would you do if my boobs were out?"
  1978. "Nothing probably."
  1979. >"But they're big enough to play with, aren't they?"
  1980. "Yeah, but I can't just go around groping girls. I was raised a bit better than that."
  1981. >"Alright, what if I say you could play with my chest? Would you?"
  1982. "..."
  1983. >"I'd sit in your lap so you'd have the best angle to do it."
  1984. "..."
  1985. >"I bet they'd spill out of your hands when you grabbed 'em." 
  1986. "..."
  1987. >"I've been putting on that cocoa butter that Rarity told me out so my skin's really soft. You could play with them all day and I bet you'd barely notice."
  1988. "Ah-huh..."
  1989. >"I wouldn't even have a problem if you started playing with my nipples. You might need to be careful if you do that though. For me, they're really sensitive."
  1990. "Interesting..."
  1991. >"See? NOW you're staring at my chest!"
  1992. "I'm staring at your chest because you're wagging your boobs in my face, Sunset."
  1993. >"My BIG, SOFT boobs."
  1994. "..."
  1995. >"Anon?"
  1996. "...Yeah?"
  1997. >"Did you know that unicorns can tell when someone's a virgin?"
  1998. "I don't know what this has to do with our conversation now but okay."
  1999. >"I think you DO know now what it has to do with this conversation."
  2000. "...I'm not a virgin, Sunset."
  2001. >"Bullshit."
  2002. "I'm not."
  2003. >"You are too."
  2004. "Am not."
  2005. >"Are too."
  2006. "Am not."
  2007. >"Are too."
  2008. "Am not.
  2009. >"Am not."
  2010. "Are too."
  2011. "I'm fucking telling you, I'm a virgin and..."
  2012. >"..."
  2013. "..."
  2014. >"..."
  2015. "I've been bamboozled."
  2016. >"Oh look! I've taken my shirt off and by big tits are hanging out in front of someone who has my permission to do whatever they want with them!"
  2017. "..."
  2018. >"I can suck a golf ball through a garden horse. I just wanted you to know that. Thigh-fucking is also my fetish, oral too."
  2020. >You reach out and grab those waiting tits.
  2021. >Fuck they are so soft.
  2022. >"They sure are soft aren't they?"
  2023. "Y-yeah. They are."
  2024. >Damn you want to suck on them so badly.
  2025. >"You can suck on them if you want to."
  2026. >She says with a smirk.
  2027. >Is she for real?
  2028. >You can't believe your luck.
  2029. >You tentatively lean in and wrap your lips around her nipple and start to suck and use your tongue to play with it too.
  2030. >A moan is your response from the bacon haired girl.
  2031. >"Mmmmm, that's nice. I wonder what else you would like to do with me big boy."
  2032. >Instantly, thoughts of all the kinky things you want to do pop into your head.
  2033. >"Oh my."
  2034. >She says with a giggle.
  2035. >"I didn't know you were into that kinda stuff."
  2036. >You freeze in place.
  2037. >Slowly you pull away from her breasts and look up at her.
  2038. >She is grinning like a Cheshire cat.
  2039. >"Did you forget I can read your mind if we're in skin to skin contact?"
  2040. >You did.
  2041. >"I know you did."
  2045. >Sunset brushes up against guys all the time
  2046. >It's usually accidental, because it's gotten a bit depressing for her.
  2047. >Often they either they recoil from her when they realize she's touching them, or the palpable negative feelings make her react like she touched a hot stove.
  2048. >Anon was different.
  2049. >She was sitting next to him.
  2050. >He was not a happy boy, this much was obvious.
  2051. >But it took only a moment before she realized he was drinking in her touch like a man dying of thirst in the desert.
  2052. >They were barely touching as it was, but he seemed to *need* it.
  2053. >He wanted to move closer, press up against her, say something, or do *anything*.
  2054. >But he was afraid.
  2055. >Afraid if he did anything, even moved, that the spell would be broken, and it would be over.
  2056. >She saw his face out of the corner of her eye, he might as well have been carved of stone for all the reaction he showed externally.
  2057. >But now she knew better.
  2058. >She just wished she knew what to do about it.
  2059. >Being privy to the maelstrom of his thoughts, made her feel like if *she* did anything, something would go wrong. That he'd panic or bolt like a startled animal
  2067. >The pressures of being a mare are many.
  2068. >The odds are stacked against them in nearly every way. They're expected to be strong, beautiful, intelligent, hard working, wealthy, and perfect. Hell, they almost need to be able to read a Stallion's mind to get everything right. 
  2069. >That's a lot to ask for a herd that you can be kicked out of at any time. 
  2070. >And Twilight is sick of it.
  2071. >The poor alicorn is jaded. As a unicorn, she was decent looking, friendly, far from poor, and gives her all in everything she does.
  2072. >It's earned her a total of 4 lifetime dates and a short stint in a herd she was kicked from. 
  2073. >Now as a princess, she has the opposite problem.
  2074. >Stallions line up to talk to her, but they're only interested in her status.
  2075. >She's sick of it all. She needs SOMEONE to vent her frustrations to.
  2076. >She doesn't want to bark up her friends trees when they already know. 
  2077. >Spike is just too young.
  2078. >And the other princesses are totally inappropriate to talk to about such things. 
  2079. >She needs someone from outside her current circle to talk to. 
  2080. >A bit of magic on a letter later, and it's off to find her a friend who can sympathize. 
  2081. >When the letter doesn't fly away, but rather just spontaneously vanishes, Twilight worries some.
  2083. ----
  2085. >When you got a letter labeled "Best friend and secret confident summoning contract" in the mail, you thought it was a prank. 
  2086. >The terms on its were simple. Either party could "magically" summon and dismiss the other whenever they wished with a ten second window to decline each time. All that was needed was a signature confirming consent.
  2087. >You chuckled and signed it, humourously hoping it was a girl DTF. When you next looked away, the letter was gone.
  2088. >Strange.
  2089. >Then you feel the strangest sensation. Ten seconds later, you poof out of existence and reappear in some weird crystal room with low ceilings.
  2090. >Right in front of a wide eyed purple unicorn-pegasus. "U-uh. Were you the one who signed?"
  2091. >...Shit.
  2100. >Her brother's kind, caring, and level headed attitude has ruined colts for Flurry. 
  2101. >He may have been smaller and weaker, but he was undisputedly the leader of their duo with his mind. 
  2102. >When the twins are old enough and start going through puberty, Flurry starts looking at colts, comparing them to what she knows best. Her own brother. 
  2103. >She doesn't like what she sees.
  2104. >They're all so ditzy and thoughtless. Handsome bodies just hide ugly insides. She's so used to Anon's behavior that normal colts seem repulsive from a romantic standpoint. 
  2105. >It's frustrating.
  2106. >Then a disgusting, but so wrongly thrilling thought passes through her head. 
  2107. >Why not just cut the crap and gun for Anonymous?
  2108. >It would just be once. Just to see. Just something temporary. That's all. 
  2109. >Fueled by raging hormones and more love than what should be siblings, Flurry feels the phantom weight of a lithe stallion mounting her in a dirty fantasy. 
  2110. >I-it would just be a few times. Nothing serious. Just something casual between them. Brothers and sisters experimenting is natural...right?
  2111. >With a gulp, Flurry already realizes that she's going down a slippery slope.
  2112. >Her efforts to turn back are half-hearted at best.
  2116. >Alicorn colt
  2117. >Celestial Sisters doing the jailbait wait till their immortal "nephew" comes of age.
  2118. Cadence isn't actually their niece, so Anon isn't actually their nephew. They just treat her like she's related because she has the Alicorn combo special.
  2120. >Be strong, Celestia
  2121. >He's too young.
  2122. >He doesn't understand what he's doing.
  2123. >He's not trying to make you hot and bothered.
  2124. >Just a few more years.
  2125. >You've waited a thousand years and more for an Alicorn Stallion, you can wait a little longer.
  2126. >Don't you dare raise your tail at him!
  2127. >Resist!
  2128. >OK, you winked at him, but he couldn't see it becuase you kept yourself covered, so it's alright.
  2129. >Just excuse yourself and take an ice cold shower.
  2130. >He doesn't mean it.
  2131. >He doesn't know what he's doing.
  2133. >He knows exactly what he's doing
  2140. >The PenPal program Twilight had joined at her teacher's behest was only meant to last six months.
  2141. >Princess Celestia had been pushing for her to socialize, and the program had been a middle-ground.
  2142. >Through letters, long conversations would not have to be held.
  2143. >Parties and outings would be a non-issue.
  2144. >And it would take only a few minutes every couple of weeks to read her PenPal's letter and jot down a response.
  2145. >Simple, easy, and with minimum detriment to her studies.
  2146. >After six months, however, Twilight did not stop.
  2147. >Her responses, planned only to be a few paragraphs, soon became a page each time, sometimes even two.
  2148. >And the letters she had only intended to skim, she would end up giving her full attention.
  2149. >Even now, when she's a princess and is surrounded by her friends, she still writes her PenPal bimonthly.
  2150. >The fact that she doesn't know who Twilight is- that she's now royalty- only makes the friendship more true.
  2151. >And is why Twilight is finally ready to meet her anonymous friend face-to-face.
  2152. >Asking for a meeting was one of the most nerve-wracking things Twilight had ever done, and she was relieved when the answer came back as an affirmative.
  2153. >After sending her PenPal a place and time, and receiving a confirmation, Twilight sat on the train platform with eager jitters.
  2155. >Anon was sitting with a smile despite being cramped in the pony-sized train compartment.
  2156. >He was finally going to meet his PenPal after all these years.
  2157. >She was his truest friend, liking him for who he was, and not for what was between his legs, as he had been sure to leave out his gender in the letters
  2165. > Celestia and Anon are soul bonded
  2167. >Anon is again at the last days of his life
  2168. >He wants to go out in a very interesting way this time. 
  2169. >No one can save him, so may as well let him have this. 
  2170. >You let go after you said your goodbyes
  2171. >You teleport with a video crystal
  2172. >You will capture the aftermath just like anon asked and show it to him later on
  2174. >You are twilight
  2175. >You want to get the elements
  2176. >How in the buck can your teacher and her lover laugh at him face planting at terminal velocity onto pavement at a school during recess be funny to them
  2179. >Celestia hadn't really considered that she would ever need to put the spells effects to the test herself.
  2180. >The latest threat to Equestria took her out in a surprise attack, before their plan fell apart.
  2181. >It took a few years, but now she was back.
  2182. >Except the entire castle was coddling her and treating her like a little filly!
  2183. >Well, she *was* technically a little filly, but there were extenuating circumstances here!
  2184. >And her family was encouraging it! And taking every opportunity to indulge themselves!
  2185. >Anon could barely stop giggling, and Luna was acting so smug at getting to be the "big" sister for once
  2187. "Anon, whats that?"
  2188. >You look over to the new decorations that adorned the wall
  2189. >Anon looks that way too
  2190. >"Oh, those... yea, the bottom ones are the faggots who executed the attack, the top one is the head cocksucker"
  2191. >You just look at anon
  2192. >"What? let's call it human tradition and leave it at that"
  2193. >You have the skulls of your enemies mounted on a wall... 
  2194. >You threatened some of the people with this, but you never followed through
  2195. "It adds a nice touch"
  2196. >"I know right. It has an added benefit of 90% less bitchy stallions during court hours"
  2202. I>Reborn as the comparatively talentless and overlooked middle child of the Sparkle family
  2204. >Twilight's family is notable for having more than one colt, and NOT having about a dozen fillies from other "failed" attempts
  2205. >they may not be twins, but having two brothers is not an uncommon fantasy for fillies (and mares) across Equestria
  2206. >she may have been legitimately autismo in grade school when she couldn't understand it, but most of her classmates asking about any "sibling bonding" she'd done with her brothers played a significant part in her isolation once she was old enough to get what they were asking
  2208. >Suck at magic.
  2209. >Not an idiot, but Twi and Shining are much smarter. 
  2210. >Focus on bodily pursuits.
  2211. >Use your mana to enhance your body rather than cast spells. 
  2212. >Full on anime levels of absurdity.
  2213. >Become pony Rock Lee, just with less bowl cuts and spandex suits
  2215. >Shining is a solid mix of power and control.
  2216. >He does things at his own pace, learning new spells as he trains others. Of course barrier magic is his specialty, but he can learn anything he puts his mind to.
  2217. >His repertoire is well rounded, standing head and shoulders over a normal unicorn.
  2219. >You have far more control than power.
  2220. >With autistic focus, you insist on totally and painstakingly mastering a spell before moving to a new one. 
  2221. >Your selection of spells is small, but they all have their power and efficiency maximized. Not a drop of your energy is wasted, and all the effects are utilized. 
  2223. >Twi has far more power than control. 
  2224. >She soaks up spells like an ever-dry sponge does water, getting the basics down to a usable level and moving on. It also helps that she has two loving brothers to teach and help her, making her growth that much more prodigious.
  2225. >Her selection of spells is as vast as the libraries she loves. 
  2227. >The Sparkle family has three distinct flavors of prodigy, two of whom are colts. 
  2228. >Your parents have to reject countless noble marriage contracts for you and Shining, and more than a few for Twilight
  2230. >Velvet and Light's face when vetoing those insufferable social climbing peers of theirs pays off.
  2231. >Their oldest gets hitched to a literal princess, now empress, and they actually love each other to boot.
  2232. >And he already gave them a grandchild.
  2233. >Their daughter got wings and became a princess the hard way.
  2234. >Their face when they suspect that Anon might be catching the eyes of the celestial sisters.
  2235. >They didn't even really *care* about social climbing, power, status, etc.
  2236. >They just wanted their children to be happy, and give them grandfoals to spoil.
  2237. >But the seething envy and impotence of the rest of the Canterlot nobility is just such an exquisite pleasure, after enduring all their backhanded compliments and passive-agressive horseshit all their life.
  2239. >Now if only they could help out their sorta kinda adopted son/grandson (It's complicated) Spike get some loving
  2241. >Mysterious Gleam, formerly Anonymous in his past life, is the middle child of the Sparkle family. 
  2242. >If Shining was the protective sibling, then you're the nurturing one. 
  2243. >When you first held your baby sister, you knew she was pure. Too pure. Too good for this world and perfect in every way. 
  2244. >When Shining joined the military, much to father's protest, ("Colts shouldn't be guards! It's wrong!") you took up the role of both protecting and nurturing your dear Twilight, and later Spike when he came into the picture. 
  2245. >Twilight's bullies quickly learned to fear you in Shining's absence.
  2246. >In terms of magic, Shining was a sword, little Twilight a sledgehammer, and you, a scalpel. Anyone who tormented Twilight learned how painful it was to nerve clusters pinched with surgical precision.
  2247. >Needless to say Twilight adores you as much as you do her. 
  2248. >Even as everyone grew up, you still doted on your sister. Her moving to Ponyville hurt, but you realize you can't watch her forever.
  2249. >Then you see next week's newspaper praising her for being instrumental in the defeat of Nightmare Moon.
  2250. >...On second thought, you CAN watch her forever. Anyone who says you have sister complex is going to get bent backwards and have their mane atomically fused to their ass. 
  2251. >You're on the first train to Ponyville with enough bits for a house the next day.
  2253. >Twilight is freaking out. 
  2254. >Earlier, Spike had unexpectedly spat out a letter with the Sparkle family seal on it.
  2255. >It read just two ominous words.
  2256. >"I'm coming."
  2257. >She knew that sharp penponyship. It could only be the younger of her two elder brothers.
  2258. >Myst is on his way. 
  2260. >A small part of her is delighted see her brother. He surely had a gentle smile and a warm cuddle ready, the sort that chases away unpleasant thoughts and can lull her to sleep even as an adult.
  2261. >The wiser part of her realizes she's got one hell of a chewing out on the way. 
  2262. >The worst is when he just stares at her, the disappointment clear in his eyes. Not even her parents could make her feel so awful. The first time he did it years ago, she broke down into a crying fit that he refused to comfort her for. 
  2263. >Normally tears would make anypony back down, but not the oddball Mysterious Gleam, with his unpony-like, almost predatory way of thinking. "I do what I do because I love you, Twilight. More than anything. This is a lesson." he says. 
  2264. >Twilight has of course cuddled with all her family members. With Shining she felt safe and shielded, like he could repel anything. With Dad, warm and loved. The sort of feeling only a father can create. Mom, content and confident. With mom's help she can do anything.
  2265. >But with Myst...
  2266. >It was like being in the arms of a bone eating giant, even if Myst is only average sized for a stallion. A terrible retribution awaited any who dared strike at her, and everyone knew it. It's what made his presence and care so wonderful, as he puts so much work into loving and defending her.
  2267. >'And no one else can have any of his affection,' a more selfish part of her preens. 'Its all mine.'
  2268. >It's also why wasting his efforts with getting hurt is so daunting. To have that sort of imposing presence bearing down on you is terrifying.
  2269. >There is a knock on the door.
  2270. >Twilight gulps and resigns herself to her fate
  2272. >After listening to Twilight ramble about how she had to risk it all to save Equestria, you finally give in with a sigh and forgive her.
  2273. >But not before you practically hold her down for a thorough grooming. Only a week away from home and she's already letting herself go. 
  2274. >Her friends walk in on the unbelievably embarrassing scene of her being assailed by floating brushes and in the middle of a tongue bath, something usually reserved for unruly or spastic children. 
  2275. >A glare from you stops their giggles dead. "So YOU'RE the ones who pressured my baby sister into danger."
  2276. >The air seems to chill.
  2277. >Welp. Nice knowing you girls, Twilight thinks to herself
  2279. >Meanwhile, the secret book fan Rainbow Dash is trying not to blush hard enough for it to be seen through her blue coat
  2280. >She's read too much of A Game of Pones and thinks she can see some parallels between two of her favourite characters, and Twilight and her brother
  2282. >No reaction at first. A normal unicorn isn't enough to warrant undue attention.
  2283. >Then they start to notice things as he walks through town.
  2284. >He's too... sure.
  2285. >A normal pony would not look so at ease at being alone in a strange place. Many ponies wouy bring a traveling companion. 
  2286. >And the way he walks. It's too fluid. Too graceful. Like a cat prowling without a care in the world, like nothing could hope to challenge him.
  2287. >Then the eyes. They're too sharp. They can FEEL his gaze, a gaze that bores into their eyes with great intensity, making even Marely Mares wilt.
  2288. >A dozen other things stick out when he's inspected, outing him as WRONG.
  2289. >No. This outsider is not normal, but neither can they just turn him away. He's done no wrong. Not yet. All they can do is give him a wide berth.
  2290. >When he matches right to the library, the home of the new town hero, everypony watching gets the feeling they'll be seeing more of the wrong stallion
  2292. >whenever anon speaks to a mare who's been messing with his sister 
  2293. >he paces back and forth in front of her
  2294. >head down like how timberwolves and manticores look when their about to pounce
  2295. >many mares get really unnerved despite being big tough ponies
  2296. >they all have this weird feeling that this unicorn is not what he seems
  2298. >the sparkle family never felt this about him
  2299. >Twilight velvet sees him her little momma's colt
  2300. >night light sees him as his precious handsome stallion
  2301. >to shining he's his ultimate bro and backup
  2302. >spike is how twilight is to shining 
  2303. >to twi, he's like a cross between her mom and shining, with all the brotherly nurturing love coupled with her mother's over protectiveness 
  2304. >for Cadence though....
  2305. >she is probably the only to realize what different about anon from the beginning
  2306. >at first he was this handsome stallion, the brother to her hubby
  2307. >next he was this unnerving presence looking at her with sharp cold eyes
  2308. >then when he finally warmed up to her, he was this stoic but loving stallion that could make her more welcome than a fish would welcome water
  2310. >Rarity and surprisingly Rainbow keep spying on you and Twi hoping for some taboo lewd like their dirty books.
  2311. >They always hears just enough that it's dirty without context. 
  2312. >When they burst in, it's nothing. Well, nothing sans a scolding from you. 
  2313. >The one time they give up and decide not to barge in is the one time you're actually doing lewd things to your sister
  2327. >Starswirl was a world changing mage
  2328. >Not because he was some powerhouse the likes of which Equestria had never seen before.
  2329. >Many unicorns could have claimed more raw power than him.
  2330. >His unique trait was that he saw the magical "rules' he was taught as more like guidelines.
  2331. >Guidelines that he poked and prodded and violated at every opportunity in his research.
  2332. >Despite his trailblazing methods making him famous, his discoveries overshadowed his methods, and soon his results became just as rigid and codified as the "rules" he once made obsolete.
  2334. >In Equestria, it is often only those who dare to challenge the status quo, to push the boundaries and defy tradition, that broaden the field of magic and discover how to do the impossible.
  2335. >For ponies, for whom the herd is everything, the urge to conform is strong indeed.
  2336. >Unfortunately, it is often only the villainous that have the will to do these things, tainting the process in the eyes of the public, and making it even rarer
  2345. >A pony's instinctive urge to herd for safety, by necessity, requires the members of a herd to be very accepting of new ponies
  2346. >In order to most effectively bind the herd together and possess safety in numbers, the most common way this manifests is platonic familial love
  2347. >That's why the mares in a stallion's herd view each other as sisters more than co-wives to their shared husband
  2348. >That's why Twilight and the other members of the mane 6 became friends so quickly; their continued survival leading up to their confrontation with Nightmare Moon required a close bond so that the would trust each other with their lives
  2349. >That's why the Cakes let a strange pink mare live in their home and play with their infant foals; Pinkie's another daughter to them, as far as their instincts are concerned
  2350. >Enter Anon
  2351. >Anon does not know this; such a bond between beings so self-evident to ponies that nopony thinks to tell him about it, let alone understand exactly what Anon is confused about
  2352. They're a lot like those professors you had in university/college that didn't understand that you didn't understand a concept
  2353. >Twilight takes care of Anon during his initial stay in Equestria
  2354. >She gives him a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and companionship
  2355. >Anon is grateful and his behaviour reflects this
  2356. >Unknown to Anon, Twilight starts to see Anon as another family member: as another brother
  2357. >Twilight's bond to Anon is known by ponies in town, seeing as how they instinctive recognize herd relationships.
  2358. >When Twilight's friends become interested in Anon, Twilight feels the urge to puff her chest up and demand to know what their intentions are with Anon
  2359. >Anon doesn't know why ponies keep going to Twilight to ask permission to court him
  2368. >Anonymous ends up like a mix between House and Doctor Strange
  2369. >He was a master of his craft and even helped the princesses from time to time
  2370. >In secret of course it wouldn't do well to let the public know that their princesses were fragile too
  2371. >In his time as the Royal Surgeon he learnt that whilst they are most certainly immortal they aren't invincible and they can still be killed in combat
  2372. >He's solved hundreds of cases both common and rare
  2373. >One time during a chariot ride to another nation to heal one of their nobles as a sign of good will his escort is struck down leaving him with a visible crack in his horn
  2374. >Whilst he is able to still perform magic he is unable to do it as well or for as long as he used to
  2375. >Due to this he's just relied on for his still keen diagnostic abilities
  2376. >However the reputation he worked so hard to make for himself is essentially stomped to dust and he's treated like he's made of glass just like in his time in medical school
  2378. >The sheer smug that Night Light and Velvet have at fancy Canterlot parties is almost tangible.
  2379. >Usually a herd will produce at least one talented foal. It's one of the big benefits of having a large family unit.
  2380. >To unicorns, Canterlot natives in particular, having at least one worthwhile progeny is a must.
  2381. >Velvet and Night Light have THREE extraordinary children as dirty monos.
  2382. >The first ever stallion Captain Commander of the Royal Guard in Shining.
  2383. >Canterlot's top surgeon and medical savant in you, Mysterious Gleam. Having your special talent be as vague as "precision" and re-creating human medical breakthroughs with magic as a crutch is kinda cheating your way to success but hey, giants and shoulders and all that.
  2384. >And the genius protege to the Goddess Princess Celestia herself in Twilight.
  2385. >Oh yes, Night and Velvet think. Tell us about YOUR children. Is whatshername still "too free a thinker" for University? Well mine is making history. Which one? Pick one! All three are!
  2386. >The smug is thick
  2396. >>32472334
  2397. > Ara Ara versions of the Elements
  2399. > Pinkie
  2400. > Occasionally babysits/babysat you while your parents are off on a date
  2401. > Pretty fun to be around, gives good hugs
  2402. > She secretly wonders if she's been partyzoned by all the stallions in town
  2403. > As you get older, she gets kinda nervous about how much you still like cuddling with her
  2404. > She tries to convince herself the jealousy she feels when mares your age talk to you is just some maternal instinct left over from when she used to babysit you
  2406. > Applejack
  2407. > After Granny passed away, Big Mac finally settled down with a mare out west
  2408. > Now it's just Applejack and Applebloom running SAA
  2409. > She may have let the house get a little messy, now that there isn't a stallion around
  2410. > It's just, there isn't much time to clean, she and her sister have a lot of trees to take care of
  2411. > For once, you play to your gender roles
  2412. > You persuade her to hire you as a housebutler
  2413. > The pay is good, and you feel an odd sense of satisfaction looking around the clean house
  2414. > Your cooking improves, and Applejack likes to joke that you'll make a fine husband for Applebloom, much to the latter's embarrassment
  2415. > Applebloom tends to stare at your sheath when she thinks you aren't looking
  2416. > It's kinda fun to tease her
  2417. > Applejack has more or less resigned herself to being a bachelorette, though she does get a little wistful sometimes
  2419. > Rainbow Dash
  2420. > Has retired from active duty as a wonderbolt, but still trains the new recruits
  2421. > Tries to be cool, lets you sip some of her cider
  2422. > Helps you train for [athletic thing]
  2423. > Introduces you to Daring Do novels, which are surprisingly good
  2424. > You like to read them at her place, cloud couches are the comfiest things
  2425. > She likes to watch you, waiting for your reaction to a scene she knows is coming up
  2426. > And well, you are rather nice to look at
  2428. > Fluttershy
  2429. > She appreciates having somepony around who loves animals as much as she does
  2430. > You help her take care of the critters, and go on little trips into the edges of the Everfree
  2431. > Fluttershy promises to protect you, puffing out her tuft slightly
  2432. > You actually feel pretty safe with her, and tell her so
  2433. > When the two of you get back from one of your trips in the forest, you like to groom her, preening her feathers and so on
  2434. > She blushes everytime you do, but she isn't about to turn down innocent affection from a young stallion
  2435. > You do not intent for your affection to remain innocent
  2437. > Twilight
  2438. > Busy with her duties as a Princess of Friendship, as well as her research projects
  2439. > You catch her attention with a particularly innovative bit of spellwork
  2440. > You were trying to recreate video games using illusion magic
  2441. > She recommends some books, and leaves you to it
  2442. > As your project comes along, she becomes more and more interested in you and your work
  2443. > Before long, you are both working on a Portal remake
  2444. > You feel a little guilty about introducing video games to an unsuspecting nerd
  2445. > You put your hoof down when she starts losing sleep to playtest the game
  2446. > She thinks it's cute when you threaten to sit on her to make sure she actually takes a nap
  2447. > Then you follow through on your threat
  2448. > She lays there, paralyzed
  2449. > There's no way Twilight can fall asleep now, she can feel the soft heat of your balls on her back
  2451. > Rarity
  2452. > She immediately knows you are interested in her
  2453. > She tries to subtly redirect your attention to Sweetie Belle
  2454. > It works, somewhat
  2455. > Sweetie Belle is rather cute, and is fun to hang out with
  2456. > You end up becoming friends with her, and visit often
  2457. > Rarity tries to avoid you when you do, though there are times when she has to stay
  2458. > Sweetie Belle picks up on your interest in her sister, and tries to help you win her over
  2459. > As a result, the three of you end up going on "outings", which invariably have some sort of romantic element to them, and each sister tries to get you and the other sister into the mood
  2468. >Be Anon
  2469. >A mob boss
  2470. >One day you had been accosted with hugs by some random pony wanting money
  2471. >She was cute, but you were on a budget and couldn't spare anything
  2472. >Then she wanted you to meet her friends
  2473. >You had nothing better to do that day
  2474. >You ended up talking to her boss in a well lit office
  2475. >You thought she was trying to get you to invest into something
  2476. >This is really starting to seem like a scam
  2477. >You told her you weren't going to invest in her whatever
  2478. >Two more mares started hugging your arms
  2479. >She asked you if you'd reconsider
  2480. >Still no
  2481. >She says she's gotta pull out the big guns
  2482. >She hugs your chest
  2483. >You just roll your eyes and go to leave
  2484. >They're shocked
  2485. >Apparently you just went through their version of water boarding without flinching
  2486. >Apparently that makes you the new boss
  2487. >Now you've got a mafia to run
  2488. >Fml
  2490. >Anon is known as the Iron Lord
  2491. >an unflappable, ruthless male that rules the criminal underworld with an iron fist, full of perfectly manicured hoof-spiders
  2492. >beautiful, and yet so very deadly
  2493. >more than one ambitious police-mare has met her end after proving to be a bit too much of an annoyance to tolerate further
  2494. >they go off on their next lead, certain that this would crack his empire wide open, but never return
  2495. >after all, how could they when they're all questioning their maresculinity after Anon turns each of them into his personal cuddle-pones, but enjoying it nonetheless
  2502. > Be Anon, guy from a significantly violent setting
  2503. > These ponies are cute, but it gets annoying when they treat you like you are delicate
  2504. > You can't wait until the Everfree spits out a threat to the town, or an army invades, or the next walking disaster comes back from their millennial imprisonment
  2505. > Then you'd show them, you'd show them all how strong and cool you are
  2506. > Yup, any day now, you'll use your crazy magic powers and save the day
  2507. > Aaany day now
  2508. > ...
  2510. > Day 113 in Equestria
  2511. > The biggest conflict so far was resolved by hugging it out, followed by a sleepover
  2512. > You go on hunting trips, but it's not the same
  2513. > The yellow one gave you a list of monsters you aren't allowed to kill, but you can fight
  2514. > The concept is insane, monsters you shouldn't kill?
  2515. > But when you found one, it was friendly
  2516. > And the Manticore is a decent sparring partner
  2517. > ...
  2519. > Day 371 in Equestria
  2520. > Ponies are talking about a new golden age of peace, "The Age of Friendship and Love", in honor of the new princesses
  2521. > That's... good, you suppose
  2522. > You've always fought for peace, among other things
  2523. > But you can feel yourself getting soft
  2524. > Worse, you're going native
  2525. > You actually enjoy spa trips, a time where you can just forget all your worries and exist in the perfect moment
  2526. > Then there was what happened the other day
  2527. > Some mare made a vulgar proposition to one of your stallion friends
  2528. > You didn't congratulate him, or even tease him about it later
  2529. > No, you actually scowled at the mare until she got the hint
  2530. > You don't hint! That's not what you do!
  2531. > That sent you into a funk, which your friends picked up on immediately
  2532. > They took you drinking, and managed to get you to tell them about how you felt
  2533. > They told you that they really value both your restraint, and your toughness
  2534. > That you might not be slaying monsters, but you were still a good protector
  2535. > It felt good to hear that, that validation
  2536. > Maybe you can still be you, and also adapt to this world
  2544. >Soldier innaquestria
  2545. >does some mental gymnastics and comes to the conclusion that he has to protect the ponies from the dirty commies
  2546. >wakes up before Celestia every day, does his unapproved PT, and then begins his rounds
  2547. >patrols the border of the Everfree from dawn till dusk, every day
  2548. >whenever he's asked, he responds that those damn dirty communist critters were about to attack, any day now
  2549. >aaany second now...
  2550. >the ponies aren't quite sure what to make of Mister Doe
  2551. >at first the sight of a colt, alien as he may be, strutting about like a guard was funny
  2552. >and the way he acted, as if an attack was always around the corner, was more than amusing as well
  2553. >but as the days turn to weeks, and the weeks into months, ponies begin to worry
  2554. >well, worry more
  2555. >he's still out there, patrolling
  2556. >he won't stop, no matter what anyone tries to do
  2557. >hell, he even apparently kept patrolling even after running out of food
  2558. >if Fluttershy hadn't seen him swiping food from her various stocks for her animals, there's a chance no one would've noticed at all
  2559. >needless to say, Applejack and a few other concerned residents practically packed his "guard post" full of food after that
  2560. >but now, even after making sure he's well-fed, many ponies can't help but wonder
  2561. >just what happened to make a colt like this, and how can they make sure it never happens again?
  2569. >When getting together with a Princess, Celestia for instance, the practice is not for a royal herd where Luna and the other alicorns all join in.
  2570. >Instead, it would be some of her staff offered herd positions.
  2571. >Like Raven, her secretary/aide.
  2572. >A favored bodyguard.
  2573. >One or more of her personal hoofmaidens.
  2574. >etc.
  2576. >bringing a close friend/ally into a relationship that would bring them even closer
  2577. >While also honoring them to be part of the princesses herd
  2578. >Most noble unicorns are descended from one of Celestia's herds tho none are directly hers since she cant seem to get knocked up
  2581. >The princesses normally cannot be impregnated
  2582. >Cadence notwithstanding. Flurry's conception was wild love magic that can't be actively replicated. 
  2583. >You are somehow lucky enough to herd with Celestia or Luna. Even being unique, that's like winning the lottery. Then with your approval, a herd of mares trusted by your alpha slowly builds. Talk of foals never come up because they all know they can't breed with an alien. It's a double edged sword, being invited to this particular Royal herd.
  2584. >Your Princess is saddened that shes not on the path to being a herd mother again, but makes no mention of it. Thoughts of her own foals don't even come up anymore.
  2585. >You don't note that, but you do note when your Princess's estrus rolls around. She's the first in the herd's estrus rotation.
  2586. >Chalk it up to pheromones, the primal need to breed, or whatever, but god damn you're putting a baby in the beautiful creature writhing under you. 
  2587. >The first satisfying estrus she's had in ages passes. 
  2588. >Then a few weeks later, she awakens feeling ill, something beyond unusual for an alicorn.
  2589. >Luckily, her personal medic is in the herd and can screen her right there.
  2590. >The medic mare's face screws up in shock when the results of her scan spell pop up.
  2591. >The princess is... pregnant... which should be impossible. 
  2592. >A 2nd and 3rd scan get the same results.
  2593. >Everyone in the herd bed turns to you.
  2594. "Uhh. I meant to do that?"
  2595. >Your Princess laughs, clear and full of joy even as tears run down her cheeks
  2598. >Be Anon.
  2599. "So... you've been in a herd before?"
  2600. >"Yes, twice." She says with a nod.
  2601. >You think on this for a bit.
  2602. "So that means you've... you know."
  2603. >She glances away for a bit with a blush.
  2604. >"Well, no." She says confusing you.
  2605. >Celestia takes notice of this and sighs.
  2606. >"They... couldn't reach."
  2607. "What?"
  2608. >"My little ponies are, well short. Being a mare of my size made it basically impossible for them to mount." She says standing up straight so you can see her height. "Cadence got lucky and had a child while she's still near regular pony size."
  2609. >You snicker at bit at the thought of a short lil stallion trying to jump up to reach Celestia.
  2610. "What about belly to belly, or something?"
  2611. >"How would rubbing bellys together do anything for procreation?"
  2612. "No, I mean like, you riding the male."
  2613. >She looks slightly disgusted.
  2614. >"Anonymous, I know alicorns are a mix of all three races, but I'll have you know we stay female and don't get a c-"
  2615. "NO! Like he lays down on his back and you ride him."
  2616. >Now she just looks confused.
  2617. >"Anon, do you not know how procreation works?" She ask looking a bit saddened and slightly excited.
  2618. >You sigh and give up.
  2620. >Giving up like a bitch.
  2622. "Look, let me show you, i'll lie down here and then you sit on my crotch, yeah just like that."
  2623. >"Anon this couldn't possibly work, stop teasing me."
  2624. "Imagine this position without my pants."
  2625. >"..."
  2626. "..."
  2627. >"...I am a very silly pony."
  2628. "You're my silly pony."
  2636. >Anon is hideously ugly by pony standards.
  2637. >As in ‘throw mud on his face and it would be an improvement’ ugly.
  2638. >Needless to say he does not have a good time in Equestria even as a member of the fairer sex.
  2639. >The only work he can find is as a member of a traveling circus’s freak show.
  2640. >There he manage to find some solace in the friendship of fellow outcasts.
  2641. >An albino changeling, a hairless stallion, a dwarf zebra mare, a pair of conjoined twin minotaur sisters, a three winged pegasus, and many other such oddities.
  2642. >Years of being told he’s an ugly monster by normal ponies combined with an already low self-esteem and a poor track record with the opposite sex back on Earth have left Anon resigned to the idea that he’ll die alone romantically.
  2643. >He’ll just take what little happiness he can get from friendship.
  2644. >The circus ends up performing in the Crystal Empire for the first time, with Princess Cadance and Shining Armor themselves in attendance.
  2645. >Cadance is horrified, not by Anon’s appearance, but by the sheer amount of loneliness and resignation to it radiating from him.
  2646. >As the Princess of Love, she cannot let this stand.
  2647. >Especially because she can sense that a few of his fellow freaks have hidden feelings for him that they don’t act on due to their own feelings of shame and self-loathing.
  2648. >Time to play match maker again
  2657. >Be Anon
  2658. >You often spend most of your time with Twilight and her friends
  2659. >You feel more comfortable around them than you do around girly stallions
  2660. >Despite knowing that Twilight still insists that you make some stallion friends
  2661. >It got so annoying that you ended up going out with Big Mac and his group just to get her off your back
  2662. >It was just as horrible as you thought it would be
  2663. >But it did get her off your back
  2664. >Until she noticed that you'd only gone out with them once
  2665. >Then she was back on your case
  2666. >After that you started a long vetting process
  2667. >A list that included all the stallions in Ponyville
  2668. >You were going to find one that you could stand or die trying
  2669. >Finally you found someone
  2670. >A stallion who didn't act like a typical stallion
  2671. >A stallion who you could hang out and shoot shit with
  2672. >A stallion who wouldn't nag you about 'proper table manners'
  2673. >And you found yourself actually liking the time you spent with him
  2674. >Twilight noticed that you were gone more and more often
  2675. >When it was revealed that you finally found someone you could hang with she demanded to meet them
  2676. >This is it
  2677. >This would finally get her off your back
  2678. >Set up a meeting for Friday
  2679. >Your usual hang days
  2680. >Literally
  2681. >Twilight is pacing nervously, waiting for the knock at the door
  2682. >Instead she's greeted by fanfare and a mini-parade
  2683. >"Why Twilight, I'm so honored that you'd want to make a good impression on lil' ol' me!"
  2684. >You give your bro a brofist
  2685. "Wassup Discord?"
  2693. >Although rare, every dozen or so years a human is displaced into Equestria through a freakish ''one-in-a-million'' chance.
  2694. >No matter what the Princesses do or try, every human who is displaced dies between a month to a year at the most, growing sickly and weak.
  2695. >There's no pattern to the illness, no unifying symptoms.
  2696. >One degenerated over time as though they had aggressive cancer, while another just vomited blood one day, their heart stopping despite being in perfect health.
  2697. >After heartbreak after heartbreak of trying to keep them alive and failing, the Princesses resign themselves to making their time in Equestria as peaceful or joyous as possible, or they distance themselves on purpose, not wanting the pain.
  2698. >Anon arrives, and inwardly they wilt.
  2699. >Another one to add to the memorial/tomb in the Royal Garden, Celestia thinks.
  2700. >She sends him to Ponyville, setting him up with a small home and stipend.
  2701. >She also asks Twilight to send word when he finally passes, so she can collect the body.
  2702. >But a year passes, and he's fine.
  2703. >And another year.
  2704. >And another...
  2705. >Having pushed him out her mind, she's shocked to see him alive and well during a casual visit to Ponyville.
  2706. >He's even working in a physically-intensive job, despite the mares' objections of a stallion working in such roles.
  2707. >A spark of hope ignites in her heart, and she steeles her nerve, wanting to get to know him.
  2708. >Anon's baffled at why Celestia, who was so cold to him before, now wants to befriend him.
  2709. >And suspicious.
  2711. >Background magic radiation is what was killing the humans.
  2712. >The magic was just too much too fast. It caused unstable mutations in the humans, killing them.
  2713. >But for some reason Anon is fine. Why?
  2714. >Then Twilight's research bears fruit.
  2715. >She discovers that the background magic was causing harm in Anon, but the amount he absorbs drops dramatically around her, especially when she indulges in snuggles with him. 
  2716. >Her own powerful magic field is what is doing it. It's pushing away the largly chaotic background magic while giving him a small enough dose of calmer magic that he's building a tolerance. 
  2717. >The solution to saving humans is having an alicorn (or nother powerful pony) coddle and cuddle them. No joke
  2724. >Anon is sleepy
  2725. >so sleepy that, compared to the constantly-wired state of the ponies, he is diagnosed with horse-narcolepsy
  2726. >he doesn't actually have an issue, he's just fucking tired
  2727. >but no matter how many times he tells the ponies that, they just keep treating him like he's liable to pass out at any moment
  2728. >even Rarity donated one of her fainting couches to Anon, enchanted to always be available, and to carry him back home if he falls asleep, so no perverted mares can take advantage of him
  2729. >Anon isn't quite sure what to think about the situation as a whole, but there is one thing he can be sure of
  2730. >its one damn comfy couch
  2737. >Anon is nearly a wizard
  2738. >He's not hideous or an asshole, but he has some serious confidence/self-esteem issues that kept him from getting his dick wet
  2739. >He's brought to the Celestial courts in order to meet with the Princesses in an official capacity
  2740. >Celestia looks up from her ledger to look at him
  2741. >Her ears perk up
  2742. >Her eyes dilate
  2743. >Her breath hitches and she starts breathing heavier
  2744. >Finally, Celestia gets out of her throne and, to the shock of Twilight and her friends, saunters over to Anon
  2745. >"Hey there, green bean. I've got an endless supply of bits, an empty castle where NOPONY can hear us, and an afternoon to burn. How's about you an' me get to know each other a little bit better?"
  2746. >Celestia's approach is flawed and assumes that Anon is an air-head who would be swayed with shopping money, and Twilight is momentarily outraged at how sexist her mentor is being
  2747. >Not that Anon notices - he's too busy being incredibly confused and strangely aroused by the nice horse who has decided to hit on him
  2748. >Celestia finds it adorable when Anon starts making confused human noises
  2756. >Be Anon
  2757. >You were a pre-school teacher for a time before you landed in Equestria
  2758. >Now you work as a teacher's assistant to Cheerilee
  2759. >It pays surprisingly well
  2760. >Guess ponies realize the value of teachers here
  2761. >One day is Parent's Day where everypony has a paternal figure (or a sibling) come in to class with them
  2762. >Notice Scootaloo doesn't have anypony with her
  2763. >At the end of the day you offer to walk her home
  2764. >She agrees happily
  2765. >You two walk together and you listen to her ramble idly about whatever's on her mind
  2766. >Eventually you're standing outside of the Ponyville orphanage
  2767. >That's when it clicks
  2768. >You wave her off before determinedly making your way towards the library
  2769. >You've got to look into the laws regarding adoption in Equestria
  2777. Beware getting too close to an Equestrian mare. They have special glands in their chests that secrete a very powerful pheromone that will leave even the most hearty males senseless.
  2779. Mares are known to press males faces against their furry chest's if they get too close so they may drag him off to places unknown.
  2781. For unknown reasons, this pheromone seems to work very well on human men, and as such men should pay particular attention whilst around mares, be they of any of the three races.
  2783. --Equestrian foreign affairs
  2785. >Celestia meets anon.
  2786. >Mine.parchment.
  2787. >Casually asks if he wants a hug.
  2788. >When he agrees she rears up and wraps her forelegs around him, smushing him into her floof.
  2789. >Anons last coherent thought for a while is how soft and warm she is.
  2790. >Goes full "Cat on catnip" on her fluff
  2796. >Celestia's so focused on friendship in her old age because she was never able to make any of her own when she was young
  2797. >by the time she actually learned how to keep her spaghetti contained, she was already a princess and people were lining up to suck up to her
  2798. >promotes friendship so hard so that the "mistakes of the past won't be repeated"
  2799. >she actually says it like that, too
  2800. >out of the two princesses, most assumed Luna would be the melodramatic one
  2801. >not Celestia
  2802. >but then again, how long can that melodrama last now that she's a mother?
  2803. I've completely lost track of what I was going with this
  2811. >Anon ends up in Equestria and realizes that he can use magic
  2812. >Turns out the appendix is a left-over organ from when Earth had magic
  2820. >Be Akhonymous the Quasi-Infinite, Necrontyr Overlord under Phaeron Hiron of the Four Quads Dynasty
  2821. >Trazyn got the Infinite title first, fuck that guy 
  2822. >Your slaves just finished polishing your frame your bitchin overlord frame
  2823. >Yes slaves, because you're a newcron and you can have slaves
  2824. >You just got pulled through a random temporal rift and arrived on what seems to be horseland.
  2825. >Their society works like the Orks, "Biggest is strongest"
  2826. >They're sentient and have tech to boot but you can't really compare it to yours because haha, you finished science
  2827. >They seems to have magic similar to the warp but fundamentally different, yes it can be influenced by "feelings" but not to the extent of the warp. So no Chaos gods HAHA!
  2828. >You're beginning to like this place already. You hope the flayed ones don't find this place.
  2829. "Twilight, Apprentice or not I don't want to take Anon's crystal shit anymore."
  2830. >Did the pink and purple pony just say 'crystal shit'
  2831. >I hope it's some kind of new creature not, Silent king forgive me for uttering the word, an Aeldari 
  2832. >It'd be best if you observe them from now before phasing in Gauss blazing
  2841. >Anon lands in Equestria
  2842. >Has trouble finding a decent job, so he turns to writing 
  2843. >He's been around long enough to notice how many more mares there are than stallions, but hasn't figured out the gender roles yet
  2844. >He decides to write a cheesy romance novel, expecting it to sell like hotcakes
  2845. >He'll even have a girl pen name to appeal to them more, something like Glitter Pen or something
  2846. >Reviews comes out the week after it is published, most of them condemning the book for encouraging coltish, beta-mare behavior and improper morals for proper stallions
  2847. >It still became the #1 best seller; everyone has a copy but won't admit it
  2854. >Nightmare Moon clings to life and manifests a weak body when she can. She's little more than a confused shade and will take a few more weeks to totally build her strength.
  2855. >Celestia, Luna, and the elements spend several weeks trying to track the disoriented Nightmare, who takes a winding path to Ponyville. 
  2856. >When she's totally formed, she finally makes it to Anon's home for that tearful reunion.
  2857. >Only for the princesses and elements to show up, ready to blast her again.
  2858. >Anon blurts the first thing he can to stop them.
  2859. "Stop! She's pregnant and you'll hurt the foal!"
  2860. >And like magic, it stops them dead in their tracks. Even with RGR and their opponent being an evil alicorn, striking a pregnant mare is still a huge no-no. 
  2861. >She's not pregnant, but Nightmare plays along.
  2862. >Baby defense. Works every time. 
  2863. >They're reluctantly forced to be lenient, instead having a semi-permanent watcher for Nightmare.
  2864. >And to complete the ruse, Nightmare actually has to be pregnant. 
  2865. >It's a less distressing thought than she expected
  2868. >You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
  2869. >And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
  2870. >The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
  2871. >The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
  2872. >You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
  2873. >You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
  2874. >A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
  2875. >That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
  2876. >Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
  2877. >It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
  2878. >Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
  2879. >Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
  2880. >Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
  2881. >Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
  2882. >It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
  2883. >Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
  2884. >With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
  2885. >Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
  2886. >Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are
  2894. >Fluttershy is one of the few ponies that doesn't treat Anon like glass.
  2895. >Instead, she treats him like how she would a very large ape.
  2896. >Considers how an ape would react when dealing with him.
  2897. >Body language, etcetera.
  2898. >When she sees Anon becoming increasingly irritated, she tries to warn her friends.
  2899. >A rampaging silver-back was a terrifying thing, after all.
  2901. >She stamps her hoof in frustration.
  2902. >"Ooh, can't they see the signs that Mr Anon is about to go coocoo!"
  2904. >Only trouble is that humans aren't apes.
  2905. >Sure, we're related, but the differences are like that to a dog and a wolf, or a chimpanzee and a marmoset.
  2906. >Thus, Anon is baffled by how odd Fluttershy sometimes acts.
  2913. >Pinkie is affectionate with Anon
  2914. >Not coming from an RGR society, Anon is rather pleased to be on the receiving end of hugs from Pinkie Pie, rather than thinking she's being weird and/or a potential rapist like stallions might
  2915. >Ponies think that he and Pinkie are a couple
  2916. >Pinkie does nothing to disprove the rumours
  2921. > Be Anon working at Sugarcube Corner
  2922. > Trixie walks in, and you brace for bad pick up lines and blatant solicitation
  2923. > Instead, she just orders the Saturday special muffin and slumps off into a booth
  2924. > Eventually, you check on her
  2925. > "Anon, I think I am a goddess."
  2926. > She says this tiredly, without a trace of her usual arrogance
  2927. > She proceeds to tell you about how she's been looping through today more times than she can count
  2928. > You recognize the groundhog day scenario, and offer advice about helping others and such
  2929. > Trixie is intrigued about her life resembling human art, and agrees to give it a try
  2930. > She leaves with more pep in her step
  2931. > Over the course of your shift, you hear about good things she had done in town
  2932. > As you go to bed, you hope Trixie gets the same sort of ending as the movie
  2933. > The next morning, you start your shift and start on the Sunday Specials
  2934. > Pinkie Pie stops you, giggling
  2935. > "Silly, It's Saturday, not Sunday!"
  2936. > What does it mean, that you are now looping?
  2939. I would really enjoy this story if Anon started off his Sunday and that began to loop instead. So his advice to Trixie and her doing good things/becoming a better pony altogether, would actually happen and have impact.
  2940. It should end with a pony helping Anon in a way he didn't think about, the looping passing onto them.
  2941. >And then Celestia is like "Not this again."
  2944. >Trixie tried to woo Anon just before the loops started
  2945. >that is, she tried it in her usual manner
  2946. >demanding he drop his pants and make her a sandwich, or something to that effect, of course
  2947. >got her shit slapped, but went about her day, largely forgetting about it
  2948. >but when she woke up the next day only to find that no time had passed, she figured that it must be some human curse
  2949. >tried to get him to undo it
  2950. >problem is, she was looking pretty fucking crazy, screaming at a cashier to undo the curse he had put on her
  2951. >more than once, she went to sleep in a padded cell, or just a regular old cell
  2952. >eventually realized that a subtler approach might be required
  2953. >started to spend time with him
  2954. >but there's only so much time that can be spent in a single (if repeating) day
  2955. >started to direct the conversations into different topics over the course of several loops
  2956. >learned more and more about him
  2957. >and eventually, "intelligence gathering" started to become "dates"
  2958. >but again, there's only so much time in a day
  2959. >and did it matter how perfect that day was, if only she remembered it the next?
  2960. >this broke her, and on that loop, she told her story to Anon
  2961. >even as she confesses to him, she doubts that it would truly matter in the end
  2962. >and with that, she heads out to follow his advice, if only for the novelty of it
  2963. >so, what is Anon to do when he wakes up to find he is not only in his own loop, but a boisterous Trixie confirming he may be at the start of it all, even for her?
  2964. basically, Anon knows Trixie likes him, and has to walk her through her own realization and character development via the story told to him by her future self
  2972. >Anon had a villain phase, then switched to a hero phase when his daughters were born.
  2973. >Have to be a good example, you know?
  2974. >One of them is growing up well, and will be a functional member of society one day.
  2975. >That's more than he could ever ask.
  2976. >Problem is, one of his daughters found out about his past, and she absolutely idolizes him (from the past).
  2977. >She's constantly trying to get him to return to his old ways.
  2978. >Always trying to bring upon an eternal [something] upon the ponies.
  2979. >Recently she's settled on [night], after discord took [candy storm]
  2980. >She's also been calling herself Nightmare Moon.
  2981. >Good name, but her MO could use some work.
  2982. >Well, if things get bad, he could always give her a time out to the moon
  2989. >Normally Fluttershy has anxiety issues, and stallions almost make it crippling. 
  2990. >But not with you.
  2991. >You don't look like a stallion, don't act like a stallion, and don't smell like a stallion.
  2992. >Fluttershy can acknowledge that you're male, but subconsciously it doesn't click. She can speak and act around you without issues. She cozies up to you without her usual hangups, even going further than a mare should because she's so comfortable. It even seems weird to your dense self, but you're not going to push the attention of a beautiful female away. 
  2993. >The other mares around town wonder when meek Fluttershy suddenly kicked her game into high gear.
  3002. >Anon gets a letter in the mail from a Zebrican princess who wants to visit him to see if he's worthy of becoming a prince
  3003. >Anon thinks this is silly bullshit and replies "sure, go ahead"
  3004. >A month or two later, a zebra shows up at his house, and Twilight confirms that she is a princess of an obscure line of Zebrican royalty
  3005. >She seems to have only taken a passing glance at a "Zebra>Pony" dictionary
  3006. >Goes into his house and refuses to leave
  3007. >Something something RGRE
  3014. >In a post estrus-sex haze, Rainbow's instincts take over.
  3015. >She absently makes a nest out of clothes and blankets, then insistently urges you to get in with her and cuddle.
  3016. >Once you're finally in, she fluffs up, coos a short song like a dove, and finally falls asleep.
  3017. >You have no idea what happened, but it was cute as hell. 
  3018. >Then you recount the episode to a shocked Twilight, who says it was a mating ritual as binding as marriage and by getting in the nest with her, you agreed. 
  3019. >Huh... That's quite a jump from just dating...
  3020. >Then Rainbow starts catching flak when others learn you had no idea what you were getting into, them saying she took advantage of you. 
  3021. >And taking the choice away from a stallion is a big no-no. 
  3022. >But you clearly recall that she was too blissed out to be in control of herself. She didn't do it on purpose, but in a show of double standards, the others don't care.
  3023. >You and Rainbow find yourselves suddenly married and at the center of a brewing shitstorm.
  3024. >Why can nothing be easy?
  3033. >ywn sit by your mare's side all day to keep her calm while her broken leg mends
  3034. >"A-Anon, sweetie," whimpers Rainbow Dash, "I know y-you're a brave colt, but you d-don't have to do this."
  3035. >She paws anxiously at her cast, distractedly peering around the room and staring into dark corners.
  3036. >Christ, she looks exhausted.
  3037. >With dark bags under her eyes and that droop in her wings, the way she's too terrified to get any real sleep is showing
  3038. >"The loyalty you're showing makes me s-so proud of you, but I don't want you to d-die with me!"
  3039. >You sigh tiredly and reach out to scratch her ears.
  3040. >Your marefriend collapses into your side and begins to sob gently.
  3041. >You can feel her shivering against you.
  3042. "Shh..." you coo, "Get some sleep, love. I'll be here the entire time, okay?"
  3043. >Rainbow Dash whimpers, but keeps her eyes shut.
  3044. >A few minutes later, her whimpering dies down and her body stills
  3045. >A loud, horsey whinny (contrary to what you would expect) calms you down and puts your mind at ease.
  3046. >Hopefully she'll get more than an hour or two of sleep this time.
  3047. >Thank Celestia your little songbird is so damn good at napping, or else she'd be delirious from sleep deprivation by this point.
  3048. >This is going to be a long couple of weeks
  3056. >you are Clean Quill, and today is your first day at magic school
  3057. >you couldn't be more excited, you are finally gonna learn all the cool tricks that your sister and your mom do
  3058. >you're gonna be the very best, like no unicor ever was 
  3059. > and the cookie jar will never be safe again
  3060. > maybe they will know why you hear so many voices in your head 
  3064. >All the teacher talk about was how not to cast spells
  3065. >because “you are gonna hurt yourselfs”
  3066. >and “ little colts should think about rainbows and princes, leave the magic to the fillis”
  3067. >they already turn their teacher into a plant
  3068. >this is dump, the teacher didn't even know where the voices where coming from
  3069. >he call you silly, SILLY
  3070. >this was a fraud, i want my nap time back!
  3078. Magicless Anon prompt
  3079. >Twiggles is talking to Anon about what humans can do without magic and how human ancestors got by
  3080. >He tells her they had sentience while all other animals didn't
  3081. >She asks if there are any other natural human traits
  3082. >Anon tells her that bites from humans get infected if they brake skin
  3083. >He neglects to tell her this really only happens with other humans
  3084. >She starts thinking humans are venomous or something like that
  3085. >She starts acting very cautious around him
  3086. >She don't want bites
  3087. >Other mares ask what's with her
  3088. >She tells other poners that Anon is venomous
  3089. >Distressed ponertown
  3097. Reports of the Everfree monster population suddenly dipping reach Luna.
  3098. >In the days of old, it fell on her and her batponies to actively keep monsters at bay, so she assumes somepony must be the one responsible.
  3099. >Since her duties are still few, she takes off to find the source of the monster culling, leaving a note for her sister.
  3100. >After a few invigorating days of roughing it, she finally finds the epicenter of the population drop.
  3101. >And she's stunned. 
  3102. >A bipedal creature she's never seen before stands before the carcass of a cockatrice, casually carving it up and salting the meat for later.
  3103. >Nothing hunts cockatrice, though... How?
  3104. >The clearning she's found herself in smells of male so strongly her nose tingles. 
  3105. >It must be male, but the visage of a warrior born is what she truely sees. Hard eyes, muscle built for purpose, the standing of a noble with the savagery of a beast. The spear she recognizes, but the alien weapons slung across his back and at his hip are totally new.
  3106. >Longing overtakes the moon princess as she remembers the stallions of old, how the move even society produced warriors most excellent from both genders.
  3107. >Now...
  3108. >Luna's thoughts are cut off when the creatures eyes suddenly shoot to her, somehow bypassing her illusion cloak spell.
  3109. >She lowers herself, ready to pounce as she rapidly considers her options. 
  3110. >She gulps, feeling her mouth water when some of the options are impure.
  3111. >She doesn't have to hurt him. And it's been so long since...
  3113. >You are Anonymous, devout /k/ommando.
  3114. >You're finally getting to live your SHTF fantasy in what looks like a fantasy world, which is rad, but you admit it's getting lonely.
  3115. >But it looks like you have a new challenger.
  3116. >You've seen the flying ponies overhead, but never up close.
  3117. >The winged and horned horse is posed to pounce.
  3118. >It's eyes say "I want to fight."
  3119. >But the butt wiggle and flagging tail say "I want to fuck."
  3120. >You just carefully watch.
  3121. >Hell, it's been so long... If it's female you'll oblige
  3130. >Be Celestia.
  3131. >You heard rumors of Twilight capturing a new species.
  3132. >When you heard about this and came to check you weren't expecting... THIS.
  3133. >Inside of a rather cushioned cage is a rather pleased looking ape creature.
  3134. >More specifically, a human from old equss mythology.
  3135. >Around it's area you can't help but notice some rather full containers filled with a sticky white substance.
  3136. >It doesn't take a genius to add the happy looking male and the white subatomic to figure out what's going on.
  3137. >What does surprise you is who is executing such a mission.
  3138. >"It's to rescue a endangered species princess I swear!" Twilight says with a full on blush. "I had to get a sample and some pheromones to lure a female!"
  3139. "And did you ever think of asking the creature before you executed such a task?"
  3140. >She looks at you like you grew another head.
  3141. >"What? Of course no-"
  3142. >"I'm cool with this~" The drowsy looking male says a smile still on it's face.
  3143. >Twilight looks at it in surprise before looking back at you with pure horror.
  3144. >"I-I didn't k-know it could talk! I swear!"
  3151. >Anon AI is just a screen with a green background and a black question mark
  3152. >When asked about what humans look like he brings up the trillions of collected images that contain human faces in a few seconds
  3153. >When they ask what he looks like he initially intends to pass off his question mark as his only image
  3154. >But then something in the back of his subroutines stops him
  3155. >All the memory of the times the crew he looked over referred to him as if he was another of their species runs through his primary processors and he falls silent
  3156. >He doesn't talk for another week
  3157. >One day when they enquire at the main computer like before a new face shows up
  3158. >A human figure with green skin and a question mark where his usual faces would be and the very top of a simple suit are seen
  3159. "Statement: I hope I did not worry you during my absence."
  3161. also I like to imagine AI Anon refers to his old crew as "his humans" and finds a kindred spirit in Celestia
  3168. >Anon in RGREqG
  3169. >Encounters Sunset
  3170. >Sunset still exhibits horsey behaviour
  3171. >Likes to cuddle Anon
  3172. >Nuzzles his face
  3173. >Gets wet as fuck from belly rubs
  3174. >Keeps shoving his face in between her breasts in lieu of rubbing her scent onto him via her (now non-existent) chest tuft
  3175. >Her slight over-protectiveness of him is adorable, and Anon will never forget the sight of Sunset decking some chick in the jaw when she walked up to Anon and grabbed his dick through his pants
  3176. >Something something RGRE
  3182. >>Crashlanding in Equestria with ship waifu when?
  3184. >She might have fibbed a little bit about the crashlanding thing.
  3185. >It was more of a landing made rough on purpose.
  3186. >She was an Equestrian creation, and she wanted you to see her homeworld.
  3187. >The ship won't take that long to be made spaceworthy again.
  3188. >Especially considering you're immortal now. What's a few decades to eternity?
  3189. >She could probably take off right now if she really wanted to. But she wants to hang out for a while.
  3190. >She wants you to make some friends, and meet the folks.
  3191. >She might not technically have parents, but Luna is her Creator.
  3192. >There's just one teeny tiny little issue.
  3193. >When she stole you from another reality and another time, there was a bit of cosmic backlash.
  3194. >Luna does not remember making her, nor does she or Equestria yet possess the knowledge and skills to do so. And won't for quite some time
  3202. >Celestia hasn't had a lover for many centuries
  3203. >It's not because ponies aren't interested in her
  3204. >She probably gets hundreds of suitors every year
  3205. >Being a Princess does that
  3206. >The problem is that she can't bring herself to date one of her little ponies
  3207. >They're all like children to her, and dating one of your children is weird
  3208. >The other races are all too scared of her to even consider attempting to woo her
  3209. >So she's resigned herself to be alone for the rest of her (un)natural life.
  3210. >That is, until a strange ape-like creature shows up out of nowhere
  3211. >He's not one of her little ponies so she doesn't think of him as her child, and he's not scared of her like the other races
  3212. >Now she just has to figure out how to woo this strange stallion
  3213. >It doesn't help that he's from a completely different world and she's been out of the dating game since before she became an alicorn
  3221. >A pony can shake off a piano landing on their heads thanks to cartoon physics
  3222. >Anon is a normal human who does not have this sort of immunity to conventional injury
  3223. >Anon receives an injury on his arm that would normally cause a a pony to receive a comically-large bump or welt to form on their body wherever it was they were hit
  3224. >Thing is, the impact nearly cracks the bone and a terrified group of Anon's friends rush him to the horsepital
  3225. >Ponies are especially worried when Anon does not immediately tear off his bandages or the cartoonish, larger-than-strictly-necessary cast and proclaim that he's healed
  3226. >Twilight nearly has a panic attack and almost refuses to let Anon leave her castle when he brings up in conversation that an impact that would sent a pony flying harmlessly into a wall (resulting in a pony-shaped hole in said wall) would likely either kill him or leave him severely injured
  3227. >At this point, Anon's friend's concerns have more to do with how he is apparently a delicate, beautiful porcelain doll; the reversed gender roles only make them worry more
  3228. >"Heck, Twi, I'd think twice about lettin' Anon outta the house even if he were a mare, given how got-dang fragile he is. But what sorta mare lets a poor stallion out on their own when even the tiniest clay pot landin' on his head just might make him kick the bucket? Not one whose mama raised her right, that's for sure."
  3229. >Anon's friends are convinced that he'd become hysterical if he ever found out the extent of how dangerous the world is for him, and so they make up excuses on the fly for them to be around him whenever he leaves his house for any meaningful amount of time
  3231. "Pinkie Pie, please get off of me."
  3232. >"A-Am I hurting you?!"
  3233. "What? No, it's just weird. I mean, you're soft and warm, but why are you hanging onto me?"
  3234. >"What do you mean, Anon? It's national 'hug a human' day today, and I wanna do it properly! I swear, I'm not some sort of creepy mare looking for an excuse to touch you."
  3242. >Dash just asked you to play some beach volleyball.
  3243. >Why not, might be fun.
  3244. "Sure, whose side am I on?"
  3245. >You ask while standing up and stretching.
  3246. >" You can be on Sunset's team."
  3247. >She points to the side with the previously mentioned bacon haired girl, Fluttershy, and Rarity.
  3248. >You nod and walk to your side of the net while continuing to stretch and warm up.
  3249. >Once everyone is on there sides Dash clears her throat.
  3250. >"Y-You know... We should do something like shirts and skins so we can tell our teams apart. Hey Anon, how bout your team be skins?"
  3251. >"Rainbow Dash!"
  3252. >Fluttershy scolds her friend with the tone you've heard a mother telling a child in that 'ya done fucked up' voice.
  3253. >"Heh-heh... j-just kidding Anon."
  3254. >She quickly apologizes.
  3255. >You however shrug and grab the bottom of your shirt and start to pull it up and over your head and throw it outside the net area.
  3256. >Time seems to slow down and you can feel everyone's eyes on you.
  3257. " So we serve first or what?"
  3258. >You pick up the ball and look at them.
  3259. >They quickly move their glances away from your chest like a guy who was caught looking at a girl's breasts back home would do.
  3260. >Not that you ever did that, you always kept looking.
  3261. >"Can I switch sides?"
  3262. >You hear Pinkie say as the rest of your team starts to pull their tops off.
  3263. >It's going to be a good day
  3270. >Anon gets kidnapped by the Mane-iac
  3271. >Everypony is worried about what horrible things she must be doing to a defenseless colt
  3272. >The Power Ponies never geared up faster before
  3273. >When they burst into Mane-iac's lair they're prepared to beat the hay out of her
  3274. >They never expected to find her crying her eyes out on Anon's shoulder as he comforts her, telling her that she's still beautiful as she is
  3280. >Anon was Celestia and Luna's father.
  3281. >He was also 'involved' with Princess Amore, meaning Cadence is his distant descendant.
  3282. >Celestia and Luna discover that ponies who are capable of ascending into alicorns are actually descendants of their various half-sisters and half-brothers.
  3283. >Two descendants produce offspring capable to ascending more easily, while one breeding with an alicorn will birth an alicorn, e.g. Flurry.
  3284. >Any pony knocked up by Anon producers an alicorn, like how Luna and Celestia were born.
  3285. >Celestia and Luna thought their father died millenia ago.
  3286. >However, the discovery of a new alicorn that acts much like their father (gender-roles, quirks, copied mannerisms, other biological quirks related to first generations like themselves) leads them to suspect he's still around, and has produced a new half-sibling for them.
  3287. >The hunt is on as they scour Equestria for any sign of their new siblings by analyzing behavior reports.
  3294. >tiny, precious, fragile
  3295. >your newborn daughter is small enough to fit in a coffee mug and only have her head poke out
  3296. >you bring her close to you, cupping her carefully to keep her warm and secure
  3297. >you ignore the sly grin of your wife, relishing the rare site of you being a proper male
  3298. >your daughter babbles as she grows comfortable in your paternal warmth
  3299. >you adjust your grip slightly, giving her head support as you give her a pony-like nuzzle
  3300. >her fur is velveteen, and sparse
  3301. >she returns the gesture, no doubt out of instinct, but it fills your heart more than you thought possible
  3302. >in that instant the idea that she is the single most important thing in this or any other world, solidifies
  3303. >forcing you to quietly verbalize the same words, regardless of language, of every father when he holds his daughter for the first time
  3304. I will rip apart anything and everything that tries to harm you, [Insert Daughteru Name].
  3312. >"How the buck can you stand it Anon? This unending arousal is driving me mad. I have to masturbate at least five times a night just to get to sleep!"
  3313. "S-surely its not that bad."
  3314. >She stares at you in disbelief
  3315. >"I have to bring six pairs of panties with me to school every day because they are soaked by the end of each class. My nipples have been hard since the day I bucking arrived. Every single movement in these clothes just makes it worse."
  3316. >You are starting to sweat as try your damnest not to stair at her tits
  3317. "Maybe wE-"
  3318. >You cough and try to stop your voice from cracking again
  3319. "Maybe I c-can help you with that?"
  3320. >She stares at you dumbfounded for a second before the blush on her face deepens so its probably about as red as yours
  3321. >"You really mean that Anon? Like no joking really really mean that?"
  3322. >Her voice is filled with disbelief and enthusiasm
  3323. >Which did quite a bit for your confidence
  3324. "Yeah I mean why not? I can help you and enjo-"
  3325. >You dont even get to finish your sentance before she grabs your hand and starts dragging you away
  3326. "Uhh Sunset where are you taking me?"
  3327. >She turns back to you and gives you a lusty smile
  3328. >"To the nearest empty room."
  3335. >Be Anon
  3336. >Maud Pie seemingly subverts the reversed gender roles you've started to get used to
  3337. >But when your back is turned, she spins around and hits you twice as hard with that sexism
  3338. >"No, Anonymous, that's simply not true. My desire for you not to work in the rock fields is not born from prejudice, but rather from a practical concern that your biology is simply not as robust as an earth pony's; let alone the biology of one who has grown up and worked on a rock farm for her entire life."
  3339. >You concede and ask what you can do to help
  3340. >"You can warm my sister's beds, Anonymous. Working in the rock fields all day is hard work, and there is nothing a mare likes better than coming home to a stallion who is willing to make them cum until they pass out and remain asleep until dawn, upon which time they will wake up and begin work again."
  3341. >Anon and Maud's inevitable foal has emerald eyes, which Maud declares that she likes very much, despite not being a shade of gray commonly found in rocks
  3349. >Despite the majority of guards being mares, a few stallions (oddities) do end up occasionally.
  3350. >Every day, every morning, Celestia greets a stoic Anon casually as he stands guard at his various postings.
  3351. >But then she notices that he also maintains his posts stoically on holidays, like Hearthswarming Eve, et cetera.
  3352. >Curious, she asks why.
  3353. >He responds that he has no family ties, no real bonds to tie him up, so he takes the overtime so the stallions and mares that do can go to things like birthdays, be with their families, and the like.
  3354. >He's also happy with it.
  3355. >Disconcerted and firmly of the belief that nopony, especially a stallion, should be this lonely, Celestia resolves to try and ''improve'' his life.
  3356. >Much to his irritation.
  3357. >The more she learns of him, the more enamoured she personally becomes, however.
  3358. >She also learns he lives in the barracks and rather modestly, his extra pay going to a nearby orphanage.
  3359. >Anon finds himself growing more and more annoyed as she tries to meddle in his nice, quiet life.
  3368. >Anon is infamous at Canterlot High
  3369. >No one misbehaves in his class
  3370. >When the occasional new kid arrives and does something stupid Anon drags them out into the hall by the back of their shirt
  3371. >No one knows what he does or says to them but whatever he does they never misbehave ever again
  3372. >The only one spared from his wrath was Sunset but only because she never had him as a teacher
  3373. >The Dazzlings arive at CH and start doing their things
  3374. >They notice how the hallways go dead quiet when Anon walks down them
  3375. >Even the the principal stop what their doing but give him a small smile with a slight blush
  3376. >Only when he goes to his desired location things start up again
  3377. >Is he some Equestrian monster banished here too?
  3385. >Anon in RGREqG
  3386. >Shooting the shit with Rainbow Dash during lunch one day
  3387. >Conversation drifts to the looming summer vacation
  3388. >Dash brags about how her and the rest of the humane 7 are going on a long camping trip innawoods
  3389. >Anon fucking loves camping 
  3390. >Says as much
  3391. >Rainbow thinks it's just him playing up the janefilly charade again and calls bullshit
  3392. >Asks if he would like to come along
  3393. >Nearly chokes on her drink when Anon says he'd love to
  3394. >Dash slowly realizes that she's set the stage for potential disaster, thinking about how others might flip shit when they hear about this...
  3395. >Meanwhile, Anon smiles, knowing full well what he's getting into
  3396. >Just wants to see how much be can blue bean them before one makes a move
  3404. Skelanon prompt
  3405. >You are Anon
  3406. >A thousand years ago a necromancer tried to make you her undead slave
  3407. >Muhfreedom.gun
  3408. >You kicked her horn before she could bind your free will
  3409. >Showed that bitch
  3410. >When you came to the closest town you were called the Harrald of Nightmare Moon or something
  3411. >The horse kids threw candy at you for some reason
  3412. >Fuckthishsit.ammo
  3413. >You went back to your grave and slept
  3414. >Every year you went back to the town on the same night for a thousand years spooking the residents
  3415. >You even taught the kids Ring Around the Rosie
  3416. >The adults seemed to get the actual meaning behind the little nursery rhyme
  3417. >You continued the cycle of sleeping for a year and waking to spoop the town
  3419. >Outside of the town rumors spread of a spirit that lures foals away on Nightmare Night
  3420. >Offering g candy to the male spirit sooths it and makes it leave
  3421. >Nopony knows why but it sings of a plague
  3429. >Anon sings villain songs/dreams about singing them
  3430. >Bon Bon is ordered to neutralize him via seduction
  3431. >everyone knows that a stallion will drop all their aspirations (villainous and otherwise) once they become a father
  3432. >Bon Bon, while initially opposed, decides that it may not be so bad
  3433. >it'd be nice to finally have someone waiting for her at home, and Lyra doesn't count (no lesbo)
  3434. >and besides, she's starting to get up there in the years
  3435. >sooner rather than later, her age will start becoming a liability to her activities as an agent
  3436. >they do the thing, and Bon Bon totally got him to cum his brains out like six times (she didn't)
  3437. >she wakes up to a platter of food on the bed
  3438. >missionaccomplished.rune
  3439. >however, just as she's about to enjoy some eggs and hashbrowns, she hears the unthinkable from the shower
  3440. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBRXsAWBgFA
  3441. >it seems the mission's not quite over yet
  3448. >Anon unintentionally sings villainous/dark song when Celestia is around but thinks he's alone.
  3449. >He also does the same with Luna but good, heroic songs.
  3450. >Same deal with Candy Butt and Book Princess.
  3451. >Ponies all come to different conclusions about him.
  3452. >He's just wondering why they're all acting nuts.
  3453. >Unknowingly, humans are dangerous because:
  3454. >A good deal of strength, though not on Applejack tier.
  3455. >General immunity to external magic, which fascinates yet terrifies Twilight.
  3456. >A siren (as in Greek mythology) like voice which, coincidentally, terrifies Equestrian sirens since he took their schtick and turned it on them.
  3464. >The dragons are excited
  3465. >For the first time in forever, Equestria is getting a new prince
  3466. >Prince stealing was the national sport of dragons
  3467. >Whenever a new prince comes along, a dragon is chosen to steal it away from its country, then the prince's lover would come and fight them one on one
  3468. >It is good sport, no one gets seriously hurt, and the mare gets to brag that they fought a dragon and lived
  3469. >The dragons haven't played Equestria in a century since that Blueblood pony was a spoilsport by teleporting away and it was all but impossible to steal Shining Armor within the Crystal Empire's shield
  3470. >The latest dragon to go, Krisp, had just returned, but looks beaten and without a prince
  3471. >Everydragon assumes that the princess caught her before she could steal the prince
  3472. >Sad, but it happens; a new dragon will be chosen and try again next year
  3474. >Be Krisp
  3475. >No one must know that Prince Anonymous beat you to an inch of your life
  3484. >Celestia's hair going all rainbow/blue is her version of turning white
  3485. >by the time the show starts, her hair's almost entirely horse-white
  3486. >while she's able to keep a calm face in public, and there are very few ponies around to remember when her hair was all-pink to begin with, she's secretly terrified she's starting to get old
  3487. >not because of the whole "dying" thing, but rather because she's not sure her self esteem will be able to take it when the last of her original pink fades away
  3488. >after all, how was a mare supposed to pick up stallions if all of her original mane color has vanished?
  3489. >and, of course, in comes Anon
  3497. >Celestia attempts to be cool
  3498. >skateboards
  3499. >horseshoes with LED`s
  3500. >harmony enhances her sun to mimic her hair color to prove how rad she is 
  3501. >also big "SWAG" written across the sky colored as aurora borealis
  3502. >even gets dat exotic ape-stalion thingy as her trophy husband
  3503. >the best part he can cum in her garillion times and she do not get preggers!
  3504. >brags about this at the gala
  3505. meanwhile at the gala:
  3506. >Dis-cord pissed of because that hew harmony enhanced sun gives him headache
  3507. >spirit of chaos wants to retaliate
  3508. >Dis-cord hears her bragging and plan of a prank forms
  3509. the next day:
  3510. >Celestia wakes up with a giant belly
  3511. >goes to doctor 
  3512. >apparently this is not gases, she pregnant
  3513. >she is happy as a filly with two scoops of ice cream!
  3514. >until she discovers all the nasty aspects of human pregnancy
  3515. >she trows up
  3516. ten mounts later:
  3517. >She gives birth
  3518. It`s a sweet, dear, precious, satyr girl
  3526. All this talk of hugging foals makes me think of some mare's daughter running up to Anon and hugging him only for the mother to come over and apologize. Then right before they leave her daughter blurts out that her mom thinks he's cute and he 'whispers' back to her that he thinks her mom is cute too
  3536. >The laws making stallions little more than property have been abolished or altered one by one over the course of many years, but even then, Equestria is still rather restrictive on male rights. 
  3537. >A stallion still has to be "in the care of" (rather than owned by) a mare. Typically this is his alpha mare, his mother, or one of his sisters.
  3538. >There has never been an issue where a stallion has no one to answer to. Orphans don't exist since families are always open to take in foals, colts especially.
  3539. >Male foreigners are few and far between, but they often hire a "guide mare" for their stay to avoid hassle. 
  3540. >The reason for all this?
  3541. >Stallions actually DO function at a level lower than mares with crown funded studies to confirm it. Not enough to cross into "disabled" territory, but that "cute and ditzy" is less of a rude stereotype and more of a fact. It luckily has almost no effect on parental instinct.
  3542. >Obvious (and strangely marely) exceptions like Shining Armor and Big Mac exist, but they are vastly outnumbered.
  3543. >This system has been in place for thousands of years, and has recently become more politically correct, but is still largly unchanged.
  3544. >Then you, a male who naturally functions at a level higher than the average mare (barring obvious geniuses like Twilight) is dropped right into this mess.
  3545. >If culture shock is the worst thing to happen to you, then you'll be lucky
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