daily pastebin goal

RGRE Prompt Collection 04

Uh-hmmm May 19th, 2018 (edited) 6,993 Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. >Anon is a world famous doctor and pioneer in the field back on Earth.
  2. >In Equestria, he's just a ditzy colt.
  3. >Even after reading every text on pony medicine and demonstrated near-perfect memory, he's still dismissed.
  4. >Through all his efforts to be recognized, he's only managed to convince Nurse Red Heart of his skills.
  5. >Unfortunately, no pony would listen to either of them, and so Anon becomes an unofficial consultant to Red Heart with her often going to him in secret for his opinion.
  6. >Despite breaching patient/doctor confidentiality, Nurse Red Heart cannot feel guilty with how many lives her human friend has helped her save.
  7. >Even so, every word of praise ways heavily on her soul, knowing someone else deserves it.
  14. >Anon is hit on constantly by mares, each one vying for the exotic male's attention.
  15. >They're sure he'll choose one of them, until he doesn't.
  16. >No, instead he chooses Zecora.
  17. >When mares try to casually ask why he chose the Everfree hermit, Anon shrugs and answers, "Smaller vagina."
  18. >It's a real world biological fact that zebra's indeed have smaller genitals than horses, and this translates to RGREquestria in the equivalence of "Big Black Cock."
  19. >Damn Zebra mares and There Tight Striped Pussies!
  20. >Stealing all their stallions!
  27. >Anon innaquestria
  28. >also-has-a-dog edition
  29. >things are nice
  30. >mares are both scared and interested to see the differences between an Earth dog and an Equestrian dog
  31. >scarinterested
  32. >also a little surprised that a colt, alien as he is, has such a vicious looking pet
  33. >vicious in that he has teeth, and obviously enjoys meat
  34. >mares in town play with the idea of Anon being as "wild" as his pet
  35. >sexually, of course
  36. >but then, disaster strikes!
  37. >doggo wanders off
  38. >Anon is sent into a panic at the prospect of not only losing his dear friend, but his only link back to Earth as well
  39. >scurries around town, searching high and low with his friends, passes out fliers, and is constantly out calling for him
  40. >gets to the point that some mares are concerned that he isn't even sleeping, or at least not healthily
  41. >by the time his dog is returned to him, Anon's image as a strong janefilly that don't need no mare is practically shattered
  42. >the blubbering hugs and kisses at the reunion probably didn't help matters either
  44. Anon had a herding dog like a border collie.
  45. Doggo constantly gathers up Ponies and leads them wherever
  58. >"A wager?"
  59. >"What?"
  60. >"Please. There's arrogance and then there's foolishness, stallion."
  61. >"No one's ever been able to best me on the tabletop."
  62. >"My stormcolts have never faltered, and I very much doubt they will now."
  63. >"...Still, it is an interesting bet."
  64. >"I am quite hungry, and having a willing slave to feed on would be very beneficial."
  65. >"Very well, I accept. Bring out your dice and your army. I will happily crush them. Whatever they may be."
  66. >"Ohmygosh!"
  67. >"I'm playing a stallion!"
  68. >"I've never played with a stallion before!"
  69. >"Calm down, Chryssi!"
  70. >"You need to be cool! Solid! Dark and menacing yet approachable!"
  71. >"And you can't kick the horse apples out of him either! If you do that he won't play with you again!"
  72. >"Oh fill, is that a motherbucking lizard army?!"
  73. >"A fully PAINTED lizard army?!"
  74. >"Holy honeyseed, that toad wizard is gonna be a problem with those bastilidons..."
  75. >"Letsfuckinggo!"
  83. >Things after the Canterlot wedding had been tense, what with the knowledge of changelings coming to light.
  84. >And when their queen kidnapped three foals, every parent in the kingdom was put on edge.
  85. >Even Cadence was worried what the dastardly queen would do next.
  86. >Was Flurry Heart safe?
  87. >Shining thought so, but only because Chrysalis was a real pal.
  88. >Not that anyone knew that, of course.
  89. >The days leading up to his wedding night had actually been some of the funnest he could remember.
  90. >Well... of what he could remember, anyway, seeing as how he was partially mind controlled.
  91. >It's probably why he didn't find it suspicious when his fiance suddenly became super into all of his nerdy hobbies.
  92. >Playing Hyperspace Hyperwars with the one you think you love is amazing.
  93. >A friendship had been forged then that petty things like attempted invasions and identity theft could never break.
  94. >The two had become PenPals at first, and eventually began arranging meetings.
  95. >They would often go to conventions together with the changeling queen disguised as a regular pony.
  96. >Usually a stallion so Cadence wouldn't get jealous.
  97. >As a matter of fact, their friendship had become so strong that, when a foalsitter called off on them, Shining had turned to his best pal to fill in.
  98. >Cadence never realized that her husband's nerdy colt friend was in fact her mortal enemy.
  99. >If she did, she probably wouldn't have been too keen with leaving her daughter with him.
  100. >When they returned from their dinner that night, they found the foalsitter showing their starry-eyed daughter "his" massive collection of Hyperspace miniatures.
  101. >Great, now Cadence had to worry about her daughter becoming a nerd like her husband.
  102. >It was cute when it was stallions, but she rather her daughter not end up a kissles virgin like her sister-in-law.
  103. >Actually... Cadence's shipping sense was thinking this stallion might be perfect for Twilight.
  104. >Chrysalis was just hopeful to have another friend to share her hobby with
  113. >A human's magical potential requires another to awaken it.
  114. >One who has already had their potential unlocked that is.
  115. >And what they can do is heavily influenced by the one who awakened them.
  116. >They are almost like a sponge, absorbing the 'shape' of the activating magic.
  117. >Unlike on Earth, magic users are everywhere.
  118. >Anon learns that he is magical, despite what he initially thought, when after he sleeps with his waifu for the first time, he becomes more like her, magically.
  119. >If she was a unicorn, he can levitate things, and in time, cast spells
  120. >If she was a pegasus, he can cloudwalk, and in time, he could fly and manipulate weather.
  121. >If she was an Earth Pony, he gets inexplicably stronger and hardier, and in time, would develop a green thumb. (by which I mean pull erf pone plant magic, not literally have a green thumb. He already has a green everything by default.)
  124. >Anon discovers this, and thinks it's pretty neat.
  125. >Magic plus a deeper bond with his waifu.
  126. >When the second human comes to Equestria, Anon mentions this discovery and demonstrates his pony-like magic.
  127. >Little does he know what mistake he has just made, for Incognito is evil and has dark ambitions.
  128. >He leaves for Canterlot, and Anon is happy to later to hear from Twilight than Incognito has started dating Princess Celestia and Luna.
  129. >While Anon himself could never get comfortable with the idea of herding, he's happy for the princesses.
  130. >That is until the alicorn sisters are sent hurdling off the side of the Canterhorn mountain a month later by a powerful blast of fire magic.
  131. >It doesn't take long for Incognito to declare his rule over Equestria, using his Alicorn-awakened magic to assert his dominance.
  132. >While one man alone should not have been able to accomplish such a thing, Incognito had already planned ahead.
  133. >The three days leading up to his betrayal, ponies all across the kingdom had been plagued by terrible nightmares.
  134. >It was Incognito's intent to use his dream-magic gained from Luna to leave every pony who could oppose him sleep deprived, and by the time Luna pegged him as the culprit, she herself was already run ragged through her constant fighting of the night terrors.
  135. >Now, Anon has resolved to defeat his fellow human, feeling responsible for the fate that has befallen his new home
  138. Humans absorb the magical effects of those they like and specially of those they love, while the ones of those they dislike are nullified ore even inverted.
  140. If affection and love is lost, then so are the magical powers, slowly but surely
  143. Changeling rules.
  144. Love is given and absorbed; loving someone means you are sending energy to them, not the other way.
  145. Anon takes on the magic of the one who is sending the most love his way and he absorbs their abilities thusly. This means that a human, like how Incognito did it, can trick ponies into loving him without returning the feeling so as to steal their magic.
  146. Also means that Anon can acutally end up taking on the magic of a pony who loves him without knowing it.
  147. >Anon has a stalker.
  148. >He begins to develop pony magic inexplicably
  151. >Anon is being pursued by a ghost pony.
  152. >She often sighs wistfully as she watches the beautiful man go about his business, unaware that his soulmate is following right behind him.
  153. >If only she could reach out and touch him...
  154. "Huh, what the fuck?" Anon whips around and scans the empty street behind him.
  155. >Faint Trace freezes as her love stares right through her, eyes squinting.
  156. >For a moment, Anon thinks he sees a shimmer in the air, but shrugs it off.
  157. >He must be imagining things.
  158. >Still, he could have sworn he felt something cold brush against his neck.
  159. >Probably the wind, he figures, turning up the collar of his jacket and making his way home.
  160. >Fall's just around the bend, after all.
  161. >Trace stares at her hoof, shocked, before quickly following the retreating figure.
  162. >Over the next few months, Anon starts seeing more and more strange things; shimmers in the air and scurrying across the ground.
  163. >As well as a large one that seems to constantly float beside him.
  164. >He goes to Twilight, but she can't tell him much beyond that his magic is apparently growing.
  165. >As exciting as this is for her, it does jackshit for him and his fraying nerves.
  166. >Everything comes to a head on Nightmare Night, when the veil between the world's of the living and dead is thinnest.
  167. >It's then that he finally gets a good look at his waifu, floating at the foot of his bed without wings, a blush across her cheeks, and a large gash splitting her neck.
  168. >"H-hi, Anon..." she says impossibly despite her severed windpipe.
  169. >Thus the human has become the first true spirit medium Equestria has ever had.
  170. "Ah! Holy fuck!"
  171. >And he doesn't handle it all too gracefully
  175. >The process also creates an unbreakable bond all the way down to the soul. There is no possible way to have a more intimate relationship.
  176. >But it only works with the first pony. Any after them and the effect just doesn't happen.
  177. >It creates some conflict, because most mares want a herd for the tradition and security even if being mono means more attention for themselves. The bond's existence means that there will always be a favorite mare, though.
  178. >And males who play favorites drive herds into the ground.
  179. >That's all on top of the sudden and confusing emotions and thoughts the mare can now feel from her human.
  180. >Some of the emotions she can't even name and thoughts run through his head so fast that peering in too long is a migraine waiting to happen. 
  181. >But then a rolling wave of love and adoration for her pours in from the bond, making her knees weak, her face hot, and her heart soar.
  182. >There are bumps in the road for sure, but she's never been happier
  189. >Mare has a crush on Anon.
  190. >Whether she worked up the nerve to ask him out or Anon overhead something, somehow he knows she's interested.
  191. >To her shock, he's actually rather eager about the idea.
  192. >She's never dealt with a stallion who was actually interested in her.
  193. >She freaks out a little bit, spills spaghetti everywhere, and runs away when she fails to die of embarrassment.
  194. >Anon is left wondering what went wrong.
  195. >Answers aren't forthcoming, since she seems to be avoiding him, and maybe has even shut herself away in her house for the last few days.
  196. >Now it's up to their friends to help salvage the situation.
  203. >Sonata tries to get ripped in order to look good for the cute new transfer student Anon
  204. >goes to the gym every day and works herself to the bones
  205. >but instead of gainz, it seems all of its going to her tits
  206. >she's not sure if she should be upset or not, since this is basically the RGREqg equivalent of your dick spontaneously gaining several inches
  207. >in the end, she just shrugs
  208. >it'll give her the chance to wear a few shirts she'd never have been able to pull of before, so whatever
  209. >she just hopes he likes fish tits
  216. >Anon, Sonata, and Bulk Biceps are workout buddies, because she's the only girl who realizes the boys are serious about lifting but also won't hit on them at the same time.
  217. >The three of them get together everyday after their last class to work out in the school gym.
  218. >Everyone else in the school thinks she's taking advantage of them somehow, but she isn't.
  219. >Bulk Biceps soon noticed that Anon and Sonata were clearly attracted to each other, but were both too dumb to realize it was mutual. For a while he was content to watch them stammer and pussyfoot around each other, because it was frankly hilarious. 
  220. >Then it just got boring and frustrating because Bulk KNOWS they'd be an adorable couple, but his friends are borderline retards. Eventually he just locks them in the showers for a while and lets nature take it's course. 
  221. >When he finally lets them out, their clothes are disheveled and Sonata is carrying Anon bridal-style.
  222. >From then on, the two of them are known as 'That Sickeningly Cute Fit Couple' around Canterlot High
  229. >Anon and Tempest shack up and have precious little unicorn colt together.
  230. >Ponies are surprised to see the father as the easy-going one while the mother is unbelievably over protective.
  231. >Of course it's understandable for a mom to want to protect her boy from all those slobbering fillies, but Tempest takes it to the extreme.
  232. >This is actually because she is also terrified of her son breaking his horn like she did.
  233. >While Anon tries to tell her to let the boy play and have fun, she refuses to let him out of her sight or do any rough housing of any sort
  240. >Anon’s male friends bought him a pair of yoga pants for his birthday.
  241. >he didn’t intend on actually wearing them, but they insisted that it would get their janegirl friend more attention from girls.
  242. >what they didn’t know is that Anon doesn’t wear a testicle bra, coming from normal gender roles.
  243. >so when he comes to school, all the girls are staring at his junk which is easily viewable without a ball bra.
  244. >Anon is sent home by Principal Celestia that day for violating the school dress code and being a distraction to female students
  251. >Anon dies and is reborn in RGREqG with all his memories intact.
  252. >after a few years, he comes to realize that everything runs on high-school sitcom tropes.
  253. >so when he's finally old enough to attend Canterlot High, he decides to use his knowledge of said tropes to climb to the top of the school's social ladder.
  254. >becomes the stereotypical 'Alpha Rich Bitch' for shits and giggles.
  255. >even assembles a small posse of other guys to be a part of his 'clique'.
  256. >guys envy his popularity and good looks.
  257. >girls would give their left breast to date him.
  258. >nerds quake in their shoes when he walks past.
  259. >doesn't actually hurt anybody who didn't have it coming to begin with, but sheer force of reputation and law of high-school tropes make him out to be an absolute monster.
  260. >projects an 'Ice King' facade at school but secretly laughs his ass off in private or with his actual friends.
  261. >of course, high school tropes also demand that someone of his position gets knocked down a peg or two, even if he hasn't actually done anything wrong
  269. >SciTwi gets bullied a lot, especially by boys and jocks, but her relationship with you keeps her temper even.
  270. >Then one day, she gets pantsed during an assembly. Too bad the bully grabbed her underwear too by mistake.
  271. >Like guys do with normal gender roles, girls in RGREqG get judged on their cunts.
  272. >Unlike normal girls, roastie cunt and meat hallways are actually genetic in RGREqG, being the equivalent of small or weird dicks for the unfortunate girls born with them.
  273. >Everyone gets to see Twi's tiny, beyond perfect innie snatch. The sort that can squeeze every drop and the very soul out of a man. It's a fantasy level equivalent to a 10 inch dick as thick as a man's wrist. 
  274. >Twi suddenly goes from not even being on most boy's radars to near the very top in the "Girlfriend material" ranks. 
  275. >SciTwi is RJ Berger
  283. >There exists a show for little colts in Equestria, called My Big Human
  284. >It's a world-wide hit, and there's merch everywhere
  285. >Anon is a background character who has gathered something of a following amongst grown mares
  286. >One day, Anon appears in Equestria, because what else is new?
  287. >Unfortunately, thanks to the reputation of the show (or more accurately, it's fans), Anon has difficulty in the romance department
  288. >The only mares interested in him are the ones who watched the show, and they expect him to behave exactly like his character
  289. >Double-unfortunately, the show is not especially accurate or true-to-life, and mares who were expecting a perfect husbando are disappointed when Anon turns out to be a real-life person with flaws
  290. >The fans are left wanting and can't stand to see their expectations destroyed so harshly by reality, and so Anon is once more rejected
  291. >To Anon, the feeling of disappointing someone he never knew had expectations for him is like failing a test you didn't even know you were taking
  298. >Anon ends up getting a yandere pony after him.
  299. >Which could be problem, except he 's extremely receptive to her.
  300. >As a matter of fact, he starts to freak her out a little with how clingy he starts to become.
  301. >When he berates a stallion for bumping into her in the middle of the street, she starts to wonder what she's gotten herself into.
  308. >After the Battle of the Bands, the sirens are homeless without their powers to 'convince' people to let them stay in hotels for free.
  309. >Anon, who's been stuck in RGEqG for about two decades, is the owner of a small restaurant.
  310. >Happens to find the three of them trying to get something half-decent out of the trash behind his restaurant 
  311. >Decides to let them stay at his house as long as they're willing to work at his place as a form of paying rent.
  312. >The three of them notice that he's a single middle-aged man, despite the fact that he's decently attractive in a world where there are much fewer males.
  313. >His kids are off at college, his wife died years ago, and he has very few friends
  314. >Adagio gets the idea that the three of them should try to take advantage of this obviously lonely man by seducing him into giving them more than just a roof over their heads. They want to turn him into their Sugar Daddy.
  315. >Anon sees through their attempts immediately, having fended off similarly-motivated advances from other young girls looking to take advantage of him.
  316. >However it's still flattering to be hit on at his age, even if they have ulterior motives. So he lets it slide and pretends to be oblivious to it for the most part. 
  317. >Unluckily for Aria, she finds herself falling for Anon upon actually getting getting to know him as a person, so her attempts at seduction become more and more genuine over time.
  318. >Except he thinks she, like her sisters, is only in it for the money
  325. Anon is literally the Ice King from from adventure time, his poor insane soul transferred into the EqG world in the body of a teenager. He heard a rumor that Twilight was a princess so he kidnapped her and tied her up in his basement. It's turning her on a little
  332. >Twilight really had to stop testing spells.
  333. >Every time she did, something bad and/or strange happened.
  334. >Like ending up in the middle of a strange forest, for instance.
  335. >Like she did two days ago.
  336. >The first night was terrifying as this place seemed to have no magic, making spell casting exceedingly difficult.
  337. >She felt like a defenseless foal as she huddled up amoungst the roots of a tree.
  338. >When she found a strange road, far more smooth and dark in color than any she'd seen in Equestria, she was curios.
  339. >Then terrified when a large beast came roaring towards her.
  340. >She hadn't scrambled out of sight in time and the thing- a form of carriage she realized later- stopped, and a strange bipedal creature stepped out to stare at her.
  341. >At first, she thought of fleeing for her life, but the creature merely bent it's knees and held out a strange appendage, making deep, soothing sounds with it's gravelly voice.
  342. >When she didn't immediately step forward, it reached into it's pocket and held out a granola bar.
  343. >She knew what it was by scent, and by the fact that it sent her empty tummy rumbling.
  344. >Hesitantly, she stepped forward and took the proffered food, quickly scarfing it down as soon as it was free of the creatures grip.
  345. >She flinched when she felt the creature pet her head, but it felt nice, and she was quickly coming to suspect the creature's motives were friendly.
  346. >That's why, when it opened the back door of it's carriage to reveal seats, she threw caution to the wind and jumped inside.
  347. >She was amazed during the entire short ride, and even more so when they pulled up to a large house in the middle of the forest.
  348. >The creature fed her and gave her a place to sleep, and she was very grateful.
  349. >She was later mortified when, the next morning, in her search for a bathroom, she walked in on the creature naked, just stepping out of the shower, and came face to face with some quite clearly male genitals
  356. >Anon in crazy future
  357. >Ship is picked for him
  358. >Her construction was in a brief period of time where reversed gender roles were a fad and horses were particularly popular
  359. >Anon wakes up to the sight of a little purple unicorn (with glowing eyes and and blinking lights along her body) asking him if he's okay and how he's adjusting to Ship life
  360. >Constructed the interior to look like a countryside, filled with technology dating from pre-industrial to 1950's computers
  361. >"I know my file says I feed off of cosmic radiation, but I actually refuel by cuddling my human. It's true, you know. This is my serious face."
  362. >"Let's go explore space, Anon! Let me know if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all, alright? The other Ships would never let me live it down if I made my male human distressed."
  363. >"I know I have a library of recipes that is effectively endless and infinite, but I still feel the need to teach you how to cook, Anon. I personally think it's very becoming of a stallion to know how to cook."
  365. >"Don't you know? Cuddling increases my efficiency by 24%. This occurs because one of my needs is being fulfilled, and I no longer have to uphold a simulation of you cuddling me, thus allowing me to allocate that computing power elsewhere."
  366. >"Please don't ask why a "I'm cuddling Anon" simulation takes up so much of my energy."
  367. >"..."
  368. >"I really REALLY like cuddling."
  370. >PonyShip is flabbergasted at the sheer similarly. Even with her unreal computing power, it still takes her a moment to calculate the probability of creatures just like her avatar existing. It's one against a number easily several billion digits long. 
  371. >Unfortunately, the crash left many of her systems offline, and repairs are expected to take years with just her doing it. 
  372. >Even worse, one of the damaged systems was life support, so she has to release you lest you die, much to her chagrin.
  373. >Luckily, a sample of the air reveals that there are no lethal microbes, and scan indicate that the dominant life on the strange planet is warm-blooded, mammalian, and carbon based like much of the galaxy. 
  374. >That doesn't mean she's going to let you leave on your own. Oh no. Even if she didn't have the facilities for it before, she rigs up a bio-drone manufacturing plant and creates a cyborg body for herself. One loaded with weapons and the most up-to-date combat suite she has.
  375. >If these small equines or any of the other odd life-forms try something, they would pay. No one will take her human away
  377. >"I... I don't understand."
  378. >The purple equine lifeform in front of you tilts its' head.
  379. >Your remote access to your onboard databanks (which catalogue an almost endless host of information of xeno-biology) allows to to suss out that this creature just conveyed confusion and curiosity through its body language.
  380. "What is there not to understand, Twilight Sparkle?"
  381. >The creature - Twilight Sparkle - (your human is trying to make you understand the importance of individuality and, thus, the importance of names) just does a little dance in-place.
  382. >"You're me! You're me, only you're advanced alien technology!"
  383. >She grins and uses her bio-telekinetics (not especially rare in your shard of the universe, but not exactly common either) to hover over an antiqued parchment and quill.
  384. >"We even have the same name!"
  385. "Hardly," you scoff, "My designation upon birth was 'TW1-series L1-GHT, SP-class rank 4RKL mark 3."
  386. >The grin that creeps onto the equine's mouth is, as your sensors inform you, especially smug.
  387. >"And what would your human have to say about that?"
  388. >You put your newly-printed lungs to good use and huff.
  389. >It is, after all, important to imitate the local dominant lifeforms in order to minimize potential cases of xenophobia.
  390. "He calls me..."
  391. >...you hate it when you're wrong.
  392. "...Twilight Sparkle, for short."
  393. >The equine - Twilight Sparkle - just giggles and mutters something about you being hen-pecked, which is a term so archaic you barely have it registered in your memory banks.
  394. >"We can talk about who wears the saddle in the relationship later," says Twilight, scribbling onto her parchment, "Could you please bring your coltfriend in for an interview?"
  395. >She offers you a wink - a conspiratorial wink, if your multitude of sensors, cameras, and vast knowledge of social behaviour is correct - and motions over to where your human and the local male equines are talking.
  396. >"I know it's hard to take a stallion away from his gossip, but try your best, okay?"
  398. After blowing some Xeno pirates after their supplies to high hell, Anon and PonyShip settled down for some rest. For Anon, that meant going to FutureChan's space craft board, /sc/ and shitting up /pnsg/, pilot-n-ship general. (Affectionately known as pilashit to regulars)
  399. Between tormenting pilots of mundane ships for not being worthy of a wAIfu ship and arguing that HIS captain chair is the most comfy, Anon spots a post with a decent amount of (you)s. Some guy says his wAIfu picked up a geocentric system of all things on scanners, but he's an express courier on a speed ship so he didn't stop to investigate. Naturally, the responses are along the lines of
  401. >>going X3500LS
  402. >>Deep space scans being accurate
  403. >speedfags everyone
  405. >LNLF! Sounds like someone has been huffing engine fumes. 
  407. >BRAAAAP unf wAIfu fumes
  409. The speedfags gets upset and posts the coordinates, saying he's not full of shit. Conveniently, the coordinates happened to be near Anon. So what else to do other than post that he's are nearby and is going to check it out just to call the speedfag a lying homo. He and PonyShip get there... And it actually IS geocentric, with the massive sun going around the planet. Too bad both the ship and him miscalculated the movement of the sun and had to panic FTL jump to the planet when they almost get hit. They didn't bleed all the speed from the jump off when they hit atmosphere and it caused damage, forcing a landing. 
  411. Considering that most ships (like Anon's) are multi kilometre-long behemoths that put dreadnoughts to shame, the locals obviously took notice.
  420. Skeletor in RGRE, shit would be funny as hell
  422. >you are Skele-non
  423. >and what part of "not nice" do these insufferable little equines not UNDERSTAND?!
  424. >as the few male equines that appear to have latched onto you continue to natter on with their "colt talk," you lean back in your chair and sigh
  425. >what the hell was even happening now?
  426. >just a few days ago, you were the Scourge of Eternia
  427. >now, you were sitting at some damnable "coffee shop" and trying to keep the shed petals of the garland crown one of the smaller, flying equines forced on you out of your eye sockets
  428. >speaking of said crown, you take it off and give it a cursory inspection
  429. >a few were starting to wilt, but that was simply the way of things, and you put it back on
  430. >it may not be the crown of Eternia, but it was something, and appearances must be maintained
  438. >When Nightmare Moon was banished a thousand years ago, Equestria was forced to suffer through bad dreams.
  439. >They had no guardian, after all, to protect their minds at night.
  440. >That is, until ponies began to dream of a strange, but friendly creature who would show up to battle the nightmares.
  441. >While many today dismiss the story; claiming the Kind Stranger is merely a myth and only appears in dreams because people know of him, same as one might dream of the Smooze or the tooth fairy, others are sure he's real.
  442. >Those who have met him just know he was truly there.
  443. >Anon, for his part, doesn't know why this is his life, or after life, as the case may be, but he has learned to accept it.
  444. >These ponies needed help, after all, and he was the only one there to provide it.
  445. >Until Luna returned, that is.
  446. >It doesn't take long for Luna to realize there's another entity within the dream realm, and when she finds it, she's surprised to find someone else has taken to helping her little ponies sleep easy.
  447. >At first, both are weary, but after a talk, they quickly warm up to each other.
  448. >For Anon, it's mostly because he finally has someone to be friends with.
  449. >For Luna, it's because Anon is a cute, exotic boy, and she hasn't had a good dicking in a thousand years.
  450. >She always had a more... diverse taste in males than her vanilla colored- and minded- sister.
  451. >It doesn't take long though for Luna to begin to truly get to know Anon.
  452. >To learn of his lonely fight left to him after her own foolishness got her sealed away.
  453. >And of his bravery, so unusual for a male.
  454. >Luna soon comes to a decision.
  455. >She would find a way to pull Sir Anonymous from the dream realm.
  456. >And subsequently marry and bed him.
  457. >It was the only proper thing to do when a princess encountered such a stallion, after all.
  458. >Brave stallions are rare, and thus only fit for royalty, just like how Shining Armor was claimed by Princess Cadence
  459. >Only princesses have the ability to tame and protect such wild and whimsical husbands
  466. >Ponies, as it turns out, are very long lived.
  467. >Not as long as dragons, who live thousands of years, but they do live easily into their nine-hundred, as many other sapient species do.
  468. >They also mature slow, as a result.
  469. >This is why, when Anon reveals he's only in his twenties, mares suddenly start avoiding him.
  470. >They don't want to be seen as predamares, after all.
  471. >One time, Anon hugged a mare in a moment of happiness, and the mare responded by holding her hooves straight up.
  472. >"Look! Look at where my hooves are! I'm not touching him!"
  473. >While the adults give the flirtatious colt and definition of jailbait a wide berth, the fillies just adore him and make a game of seeing who can get him to be their coltfriend first.
  474. >The CMC, all in their twenties themselves, are the most determined to form a herd with Anon, and the man can often be seen running from them.
  475. >Once, upon being tackled by the trio in a hug, he holds his hands up.
  476. "Look! Look at where my hands are! I'm not touching them!"
  485. >Earth ponies may not have fantastic magic or the ability to fly and manipulate the weather, but they do have something the other tribes will never have.
  486. >They can choose when it's there time.
  487. >There are earth ponies with connections so strong to their lands that they're youthful even into their hundreds.
  488. >There are earth ponies who remember the rise and banishment of Nightmare Moon, as well as her return and defeat.
  489. >And there is one who has fallen in love with the strangest, funniest, most caring man she'll ever know.
  490. >Applejack never thought she'd fall in love, married to the farm as she was, and she certainly never thought it'd be with any creature other than an earth pony stallion.
  491. >But Anon has made her do a lot of things she'd never thought she'd do.
  492. >The biggest of all being face mortality.
  493. >She had fully intended to run Sweet Apple Acres for the next thousand years, ready to brave the loss of her friends in duty to her lands.
  494. >But now, she doesn't think she can weather that loneliness anymore.
  495. >With each year, she sees her husband draped in another layer of age.
  496. >See's new grey hairs.
  497. >New wrinkles.
  498. >And each year, she surrenders a little more life to the orchard she cherishes.
  499. >With each year, her joints grow just the slightest bit more stiff.
  500. >With each year, the cold brings a few more aches.
  501. >But she has her Anon to hold her- to fend off the cold just as she does for him- and it's in these moments, laying under the covers together, that Applejack smiles.
  502. >Despite the finality of her looming fate, she lets herself drift with the currents of time, held to her soulmate's chest.
  503. >They would topple over the waterfall's edge together, tight in each other's embrace,passing into the unknown as husband and wife
  511. >Their memories of their old lives were also wiped, replaced with new fake memories that allow them to fit into a new Equestria.
  512. >While they forget that they used to be Twilight Sparkle, their hearts still lead them to pursue what lead them to leave their home universes
  513. >Sunset as Twilight delved too deep into forbidden knowledge in response to a dangerous threat to Equestria, was found out by Celestia, and forced to flee to another universe to escape jail time. She sought to become a Princess because she unconsciously wanted to reclaim her previous alicorn status and believed she deserved it for all her effort.
  514. >Moondancer as Twilight was cruelly abandoned by her friends and family in her time of need. Nothing left for her, she used a volatile experimental spell with the intention of killing herself, but was flung into another universe instead. This is why Moondancer reacted so poorly to being unintentionally snubbed by Twilight in episode 1. She unconsciously saw it as similar to what her old friends did.
  515. >Starlight as Twilight comes from Mirror Equestria, a universe where evil ponies are good and good ponies are evil. She was sent by Queen Celestia to be a spy for a possible future invasion, but they were unaware of the side effects of traveling to a dimension where an alternate version of yourself exists. Hence why Starlight doesn’t entirely ‘get’ being a good pony despite her honest efforts.
  516. >Trixie as Twilight is a from a world where she was never Celestia’s personal student and was raised as a typical spoiled Canterlot elitist. Her story is the least interesting, as she just accidentally found and fell into one of Starswirl’s prototype mirror portals. Trixie is an arrogant blowhard because she’s just unconsciously following how she was raised.
  524. >tfw Rarity will never be a secret degenerate
  525. >tfw she will never want nothing more than for a stallion to fuck her mouth like it was some sort of cocksleave 
  526. >tfw Twilight will never find some giant alien stallion in the middle of some crator
  527. >tfw she'll never bring the stallion, who can't speak a bit of Equish, home with her, terrified what to do
  528. >tfw her and her friends all stand outside of the room she stashed him in, loudly debating
  529. >All except Rarity herself, who wants to be a gentlemare and get the poor, poor stallion some water and tea cakes
  530. >tfw the alien decides to get a little grabby
  531. >tfw Rarara can't handle it
  539. > Be Rainbow Dash
  540. > You've spent enough time around the wonderbolts that you've started picking up their habits
  541. > Little things, like half-unfolding your wings for photos, or trotting in such a way that the suit doesn't ride up your rump, even when you are out of uniform
  542. > As you walk along the road in Ponyville, you find yourself catching up to Anon from behind
  543. > Speaking of which...
  544. > You can't look away from those shifting cheeks, teasingly conceiled behind the subtly shifting cloth of his sweat pants
  545. > You draw closer
  546. > You can't really verbalize what you are thinking, it's a mixture of letting your ovaries do the driving and something Spitfire does fairly often
  547. > You slap that booty
  548. > It jiggles ever so slightly, the memory of its toned yet squishy heft in your hoof still lingering
  549. > Anon's head whips around to look at you, and you realise how much your bucked up
  550. > He's never been a fan, there's no way he'll let it slide
  551. > "Oh yeah?"
  552. > You smile sheepishly
  553. "Sorry, I just sorta..."
  554. > How are you supposed to talk your way out of this one?
  555. > Then he steps back and slaps your ass
  556. > You yelp at the blow, instinctively flapping your wings to hop a mare's length forward
  557. > You look back at him, your face reddening
  558. > He looks a little flustered too
  559. "So, uh... we cool?"
  560. > He walks to you, scratching his face with his elegant fingers
  561. > "Yeah, I guess?"
  562. > You sigh in relief, glad the ponice aren't going to be involved
  563. > The two of your walk side by side down the road in silence for several moments
  564. > Your mind won't stop replaying the two sensations, his ass against your hoof, and the slight stinging of your own ass
  565. > You have to wonder...
  566. "Hey, uh..."
  567. > He looks at you expectantly
  568. > In for a bit, in for a buck
  569. "If I suck your dick, will you suck my clit?"
  570. > He shrugs
  571. > "Seems fair."
  572. > Your wings extend instantly
  573. > You always knew he was lewd, but...
  574. > Holy buck
  575. > Looks like mama's getting some action tonight!
  581. >while Celestia's always been a bit "meh" about it herself, Luna has always wanted a family of her own
  582. >a big one, if she has anything to say about it
  583. >and so, for the first century or so, she went about wooing and wedding the fairest stallions of the realm
  584. >one at a time, of course
  585. >she knew that she could use her Royal Prerogative to get any stallion or mare she desired into her bed, but something about that seemed to rub her the wrong way
  586. >probably had to do with that "Element of Loyalty" thing she used with her sister to banish the foul Discord
  587. >and besides, she's no mare-whore
  588. >but back to Luna's marriages
  589. >naturally such romantic pursuits took her away from court for quite a bit of time
  590. >sometimes she was gone for several days at a time
  591. >but she was content to let her sister rule all the world, so long as she had her family
  592. >but therein lies the problem
  593. >she didn't get her family
  594. >no matter how many times she tried, or how many husbands she tried it with, she just couldn't seem to get pregnant
  595. >for any mare, but especially a princess, this was a... significant problem
  596. >doubly so for the time, when mares were often judged by how many children they and their herd could produce, and how well they could protect them
  597. >and so, over the years she searched high and low for some manner of solution for her... problem
  598. >she even went to the witch-doctors of Zebrica disguised as a wandering donkey in hopes of them having some manner of cure, but found no such luck
  599. >ritual after ritual and spell after spell was performed, some of which would have carried an automatic banishment for their use in modern Equestria, but there seemed to be no change
  600. >yet more years passed, and Luna found herself retreating into her work
  601. >or, well, she would have, had her previous gallivanting set quite the precedent back in the capital
  602. >her sister now carried so much of the proverbial weight, that she honestly wasn't sure how Luna could help her with it
  603. >really, it would be better if she simply left her to her work once again
  604. >unknown to to either of them, the first sparks of resentment were lit that day
  605. >sparks that would have risen to the inferno they would one day become much sooner than they were meant to, had it not been for one thing
  606. >in a surprising stroke of luck for the rather unlucky mare, Luna's current husband had a brother he was on quite good terms with, a rarity in of itself in the Equestrian nobility
  607. >even rarer were the sheer quantity of nieces and nephews him and his herd were producing
  608. >and after an incident involving a pike, the family's coat of arms, and one of the earth pony servant's uniforms, they would come to love their sad aunt almost as much as their own mothers
  609. >and Luna would love them exactly as much as any foals of her own
  610. >even to the point of calling them her "little princes and princesses"
  611. >"Yes," she thought, "this is good."
  612. >but all good things come to an end eventually
  613. >for while the time spent with her nieces and nephews were quite the balm for her soul, all they did was delay the inevitable
  614. >one day, after putting the tired little foals to bed after a long night of stargazing (one of their favourite activities when "Auntie Woona" was around), she promised that when they next wake, they would have all the time in the world to enjoy her night sky
  615. >she closed the door
  616. >the sun did not rise the next morning
  617. >and she never returned
  618. >well, not in those foals' lifetimes
  619. >nor in their foals', or their grandfoals'
  620. >but, as the news came in and the country turned against the "Evil Nightmare Moon," they and their family remembered
  621. >they remembered the sad, loving mare that only wanted a family of her own
  622. >they remembered how they were all her little princes and princesses
  623. >even to the point of it becoming a tradition of that family
  624. >the firstborn filly, in addition to inheriting, is to be named Princess
  625. >and the firstborn colt, Prince
  626. >so imagine his surprise when, Prince Blueblood, the first Lord of the Blueblood family in several centuries sees something he never thought he would
  627. >Great Aunt Luna, walking free once more and looking happier in the arms of her sister than anything captured in the tapestries of his ancestral home
  635. >Anon lands in RGREqG and for whatver reason has to go back to school
  636. >One day an argument starts on who should be able to wear what
  637. >Anon jokes that they should just make Canterlot high clothing optional and solve the problem that way
  638. >Comes to school the next day and is greeted by a naked Sunset
  639. >His face when he realizes he was taken seriously
  647. >Be Elfnon
  648. >Horse gandalf just told you they have a lifespan like a mayfly
  649. >Short and full of fucking
  650. >You wander around the castle for a while and quite literally stumble across the cutest looking tiny horse ever
  651. >"Watch thyself peasant!"
  652. >Oh shes all huffy its too cute!
  653. >You pick her up and she eeps in surprise
  654. "I will pet you, hug you, and squeeze you and call you George!"
  655. >"S-such lewdness! Refrain from calling me this...George you lewd titan!!"
  656. >She's like a little dog! Minus the satanic rage that all small dogs have
  657. >"I am Princess of the moon Luna and I will not be treated so lewdly!"
  658. >This was in front of the servants too
  659. >They have their tiny horse ears pressed againt their heads and the guards point their tooth pick spears at you
  660. >"Release the princess, monster!"
  661. "Oh quiet you"
  662. >You flick her forehead and she backs up in shock
  663. >You carried the princess around with you until you found a throne room
  664. >There is another tiny horned and winged horse looking at you in shock
  665. >You sit George right next to her
  666. >George is pissed and blushing
  674. >Batfamily in RGRE
  675. >Equestria is so relatively peaceful that there’s almost no need for superheroes.
  676. >Sure there’s the ocassional ancient mystic threat or giant monster but the Mane Six are around to deal with that.
  677. >They decide to treat being stuck in Equestria as if they’re on vacation until they find a way to get back to their universe.
  678. >Richard quickly develops a reputation as a slut.
  679. >Jason frequently contemplates murder when tiny horses are sexist to him, and finally understands why Artemis and the other Amazons are wary of the opposite sex.
  680. >Tim and Twilight get into heated arguments over nerdy shit all the time
  681. >Cassandra doesn’t know how to react when teenage fillies her age make jokes about how weird it must be growing up the only girl in a house full of guys.
  682. >Damian is forced to keep the CMC out of trouble when they decide it’s a good idea to imitate his family and pretend to be superheroes.
  683. >Bruce just calmly enjoys the ponies’ hospitality, and can be often seen reading a book or drinking tea.
  684. >Alfred keeps trying to avoid Granny Smith when she starts hitting on him.
  692. >mechanic Anon in RGREquestria
  693. >but not just your average grease monky
  694. >he can take a car apart, put it back together, then make it run even faster by painting it red
  695. >even reckons he could build a car from scratch, if he had the heavy equipment
  696. >but he doesn't
  697. >robots and assembly lines just don't grow on trees like apples and pears do around here
  698. >however, he doesn't give up his passion entirely
  699. >draws out designs regularly in his sketchbook, and often plays with uses for various magical effects
  700. >treated clouds for coolant
  701. >charged gems used as a form of nitros
  702. >and even one for running an engine entirely off of a rare fire ruby
  703. >one day, he leaves his journal out while he's out getting horse-groceries, and his room-mate/land lady gets a look
  704. >what she sees inside amazes her
  705. >she knew that Anon came from a more advanced society, but she never imagined he had such an understanding of such an alien discipline
  706. >sure he had boasted before, but she thought they were just that: boasts
  707. >I mean, he was a colt!
  708. >they were supposed to be vain, weren't they?
  709. >but as she continued to read, there were more and more ideas getting cut off by jagged letters, detailing how they wouldn't work without some piece of equipment (or so she assumed) that almost always had at least five syllables in their names
  710. >now, she was no prodigy like a certain pudgy purple unicorn, but she knew her way around a few spells
  711. >and if she wasn't completely misunderstanding these terms, more than a few of these ideas would only take a few spells to finish them
  712. "Roomie, I'm back!"
  713. >startled, she tosses the journal to a random page as she flees, hoping Anon hadn't seen her
  714. >considering the lack of confrontation for the remainder of the night, he hadn't
  715. >lying in bed, an idea begins to take shape in her mind
  716. >if she could help Anon bring his "karrs" to Equestria, she just knew they'd be rich
  717. >she might even be able to get a few "itches" scratched
  718. >all they needed was a face
  719. >ponies won't respect anything that's made solely by a colt
  720. >Twilight offers to be the "face" of their operation and to bring in the magical talent, in exchange for (obviously) a cut of the profits, and a few... favors
  721. >Anon isn't sure whether or not to be excited at the prospect of working with cars again, annoyed at her demands, or aroused at what he's pretty sure those "favors" are going to turn out to be
  730. >changeling cells all over Equestria are getting uprooted and kicked out of their hunting grounds
  731. >the only thing they apparently can see before getting their shit slapped in is "a big human in a bat costume"
  732. >despite the fact that there are less than ten humans in equestria and that the process of elimination would work perfectly well, Chrysalis tries to shapeshift into Batman to try and figure out who's slapping their collective shit in
  733. >but every time she tries, all she gets is a mask, and no inkling of who it is underneath it
  734. >clearly, the only thing to do now is go undercover in ponyville and keep an eye on the humans there to see if any of them have anything to do with the caped crusader
  735. >not to see if any of them ARE Batman, but rather to see if any of them meet him undercover of night, or something like that
  736. >because pone logic
  737. >in a bit of completely unrelated news, a few days later Chrysalis is ecstatic
  738. >it may not be much, but she's certain she's found a chink in the famous Ice King of Ponyville's armor
  739. >that smile in the marketplace may be a small start, but this Bruce character will serve as an ample supply of love while she takes her vengeance upon the dreaded Batman!
  747. >Unicorn foal has a human father.
  748. >Her father's hands are what she most often touches.
  749. >Her father cleans her, feeds her, comforts her, plays with her, and maybe even defends her with those hands. 
  750. >Hands become an important in her growing mind. An ultimate tool that her father uses to provide for her. 
  751. >When her telekinesis starts manifesting, it takes the form of crude, solid hands rather than a shapeless blob of color. >The blueprints for hands are already in her DNA, and being with you is the push needed to bring those traits to the surface and cause such a drastic shift in her magic development.
  752. >As she grows, so does her dexterity and the number of hands she can create. 
  753. >Your child may be a pony, but shes also a daughter of humanity
  761. >Date a pony
  762. >She closes her eyes and leans in for a nuzzle
  763. >You, feeling playful, move in to intercept her snootie and press your nose against her's
  764. >Her eyes snap open and she gasps
  765. >She blushes, but doesn't move away, looking at you as though seeing you for the first time
  766. >You just unknowingly went to third base with your marefriend and gave her something to brag about to her horse friends
  774. >Sheltered Anon goes to Equestria
  775. >Takes a moment to catch on when mares talk about sex, pointedly avoids talking in detail about his experience
  776. >Feels genuinely betrayed when his boss fires him for corporate reasons ("you didn't do anything wrong, Anon, I promise. It just looks bad for us to have you here. Some of our clients aren't... the most tolerant of ponies.")
  777. >Is surprised when he finds out that one of his mare friends does horse drugs
  778. >His mare friends come to the conclusion that he's too pure for this dyke earth and try to protect his smile
  779. >"Oh, Celestia, he'll shatter like a glass figurine if he learns about the evils of the world. Also, I'll bet we could figure out how to make him believe that snootle-booping is totally not l-lewd at all!"
  787. >Among ponies, the mares have always been stronger, despite the superior muscle-mass of stallions.
  788. >This is because mares have more magic, which fuels a pony's abilities far beyond what mere muscles can perform.
  789. >For this reason, stallions with a lot of magic are seen as anomalies, rare and unique.
  790. >They've also always had great impact on the world.
  791. >Star Swirl is one such example; a stallion who outmatched many mares in both magic potency and knowledge, and who progressed the art more in his time than the previous three generations combined.
  792. >There's also darker examples, such as Sombra, who nearly cast the world into despair.
  793. >Throughout history, stallions who have displayed abnormal magical power have been admired or feared, so when a wizard from a different world appeared, ponies took notice.
  794. >Being an alien aside, this strange and powerful magic user is male, and so the Princesses have sent him to stay with Twilight and her friends, both to be his guide and guardians, as well as his secret detainment squad if he proves to be another Sombra.
  795. >Anonymous, for his part, is oblivious to any of this, and is merely tickled pink at the prospect of studying an all-new aspect of magic
  803. >Anon is feeling it bubble up inside again.
  804. >The worthlessness that plagued his life before Equestria.
  805. >The feeling of being a burden to those around him.
  806. >The day he found himself in this world should have been full of tears, but he had gone through it in somber silence.
  807. >That day, he had gathered all of his possesions, everything of value, and pawned it.
  808. >He then took that money and sealed it in an envelope alongside a letter and the three-hundred dollars his mother had sent him for his rent.
  809. >Once it was sent through the mail to the kind woman who raised him, he went out into the woods, and hung himself.
  810. >Then he woke up in a strange world and was taken in by a purple princess who let him live in her castle.
  811. >As magical as that sounds however, things are only worse.
  812. >At least back on Earth, he could get a job, even if he was too much of a fuckup to hold one down.
  813. >In Equestria, however, he can't even manage the first part.
  814. >Everyday he sets out, hoping to find a way to repay the princess, and everyday he returns unemployed.
  815. >Twilight tells him he doesn't need a job, even insists she prefers he not have one, claiming his company and snuggles is payment enough, but he knows she's just being nice.
  816. >He's not only a burden, but he's also wasting the Equestrian tax payers' money.
  817. >And so, he once again decides to take himself out of the equation.
  818. >It pains him, not having anything to leave the princess, but it can't be helped.
  819. >He writes a letter and leaves it on his bed before heading out.
  820. >His plan is simple at first, going to the Whitetail woods to repeat his first actions, but he spots a family picnicking, and doesn't want to ruin their day.
  821. >He goes to the dam next, prepared to jump, but notices foals swimming in the water below.
  822. >Then he goes to Everfree, but is stopped by Fluttershy and invited to tea.
  823. >Soon enough, it starts to rain, and he heads back to the castle.
  824. >When he opens the door, it's to see a disheveled Twilight, letter held in her magic.
  833. >It was unfathomable, such perfect control.
  834. >Especially paired with such advanced and powerful magic.
  835. >Anon could perform amazing feats of spellcrafting without a single iota of wasted energy.
  836. >No glowing horn or rippling aura as raw mana bled into the visible spectrum, just bending of reality so quick and precise that ponies couldn't notice it until after the spell was cast.
  837. >Twilight couldn't even feel the magic!
  838. >Usually, when a spell was cast, the excess magic not consumed in the spell could be felt in the air.
  839. >But with Anon?
  840. >Nothing.
  841. >When he had first pulled a coin from behind her ear, she screamed and ran in circles.
  842. >Conjuring matter from nothing was hard.
  843. >It was so complex that, when most unicorns did it, there was always at least some form of explosion from all the wasted magic.
  844. >Conjuring a coin behind her ear then, could have very well cost her part of her cranium had Anon been anyone else.
  845. >And on top of that, the coin was a copper/nickle alloy, easily worth a hundred gold bits.
  846. >She had a talk with him once she calmed down about how he couldn't be caught doing such things again.
  847. >Besides word getting out potentially leading to some seedy types trying to use Anon as a get-rich-quick scheme, he could also destabilize the Equestrian economy by flooding it with such precious metals.
  848. >Anon was confused, the pure and innocent male that he was, but he nonetheless agreed.
  849. >Bless his precious heart.
  850. >So powerful, so skilled, and yet he acted as if her measly acts of levitation and fireballs were anything other then magic kindergarten beginner spells.
  851. >While she had no doubt that Anon was good, she feared what he could be tricked into doing if the wrong sort ever got wind of his awesome power.
  852. >She shuddered to think of what could have been had the likes of Chrysalis found him first.
  853. >The thought only strengthens her resolve to shelter Anon from the evils of the world
  856. >Ponies react to simple magic tricks like black people.
  857. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmgD25MAGok [Open]
  858. >Also, after doing a few, "is this your card" tricks, ponies think he's some sort of mind reader.
  859. >Mares try not to think l-lewd thoughts around Anon for fear that he'll think them perverts.
  860. >"Mmm, he has some nice flanks," one mare finds herself thinking one day, only for Anon to look at her.
  861. >Her eyes widen in shock as he smiles and waves.
  862. >Was... was he into her?
  870. >You will never try and bake a pretty cake for your marefriend, Celestia
  871. >You will never wake up early on her birthday and sneak into the kitchens
  872. >You will never realize that you have no idea how to operate a wood-burning oven, let alone achieve and maintain a specific temperature
  873. >You will never search the enormous series of rooms for ingredients, feeling overwhelmed when you realize that there are four different varieties of flour at your disposal that are intended to be used for very specific dishes
  874. >You will never spend ten minutes in the giant walk-in fridge (powered by energy-absorbing crystals that vent the heat somewhere outside) before you realize that ponies don't chill their eggs
  875. >You will never generally be a nuisance to the chefs, who are trying to prepare breakfast
  876. >By the time they start to prepare lunch, you will never bite the bullet and enlist a bored-looking chef for his help
  877. >He will never show you how to properly use the ovens and show you where all the ingredients are
  878. >Rumors about your where-abouts will never spread as you spend the next few hours trying to bake something nice for your marefriend
  879. >You will never hear the muted sounds of the princess's yearly city-wide birthday celebration (not Celestia's idea, but she can't say no to ponies when they look at her with those big, sad eyes) become just a little bit louder as the door to the kitchen creaks open
  880. >"Anon? Honey, I heard you were in here. I've been looking for my ray of sunshine all da-oh!"
  881. >You will never be covered in flour, egg shells, and sugar
  882. >You will never still proudly present your creation to your lover: the very first multi-layer cake you've ever made
  883. >It's lop-sided and the icing is melting off on the top-most layer (because it's the most freshly-made layer and only came out of the oven half an hour ago), but you feel damn proud of it
  884. >You will never already know that Celestia has already been presented with cakes much nicer than yours during the day
  885. >Cakes made by professional pastry chefs with decades of experience
  886. >Cakes whose recipes were invented specifically to appeal to their princess
  887. >Cakes that probably don't have egg shells in them
  888. >But the look on your marefriend's face will never make it clear that she'll remember the cake you made even when all the other ones are long since consumed and forgotten about
  889. >The hours you spent in the kitchen, the effort you put into this present, and the love you put into the cake will never mean more to Celestia than the silly cake itself
  898. >Anon used to be much more proactive back before he became part of a herd
  899. >He had a job, paid bills, etc
  900. >Since he lived alone, nothing would get done unless he himself did it
  901. >Those dishes? They're gonna stink up the room unless he washes them
  902. >That dusty room? Gonna be even more dusty unless he gets off his ass and cleans it
  903. >That yard? Overgrown and covered with weeds if he doesn't spend a few hours of his day off from work out there in the sun on his hands and knees
  904. >But now, he lives with four or five other mares
  905. >Each one has a job, and their combined income pays the bills even without his contribution
  906. >Plus, the mess that five mares make is incredible compared to the mess one single human can make, and their long hours mean that his mares are all dead-tired once they get back home
  907. >If they want the house to stay clean, someone has to quit their job and stay at home
  908. >Anon's job was shitty (it's hard to find good work when everypony has their resumes tattooed onto their asses), so he didn't cry very many tears at the prospect of quitting
  909. >And so, he spends his time cleaning up after himself and the mares; something that only takes a few hours a day compared to his old nine-to-five job
  910. >Unfortunately, his mares take care of everything else
  911. >Those dishes? One of his mares took care of it for him while he was busy with something else.
  912. >That dusty room? Cleaned and converted to a mare cave so that another one of his mares has a place to relax and paint her dinos
  913. >The yard? That yard is one of your mare's sanctuaries, and keeping that yard trimmed and neat is a great pleasure for her
  914. >If he leaves a project undone, it gets done by one of his mares without complaint
  915. >Hell, when a birthday rolls around, each mare buys a cake anyway because they think all the others forgot about the event
  916. >Anon begins to feel irrelevant
  917. >What's the point of putting effort into getting any of this done if it'll get done regardless?
  918. >"What the hell am I even doing here?"
  925. >Be best lunar princess
  926. >A titan has just captured you and is treating you like a foal
  927. >You're ten years old faust damb it!
  928. >"So how old are you? Gandalf back there told me you little horses live like 6 years."
  929. "I am no mere pony you fool! I am an alicorn!"
  930. >The titan looks you over
  931. >How lewd of him!
  932. >"I dont see a that much of a difference. You have a horn and wings while gandalf back there only has a horn."
  933. "Do not speak of Starswirl in such an insulting manner! I am an alicorn, an immortal!"
  934. >"Yeah but how immortal?"
  935. "W-what?"
  936. >"Can you just not die or is it like lobster immortality?"
  937. "I am no lobster!"
  938. >"Okay so you live forever until you die got it."
  939. >You were just compared to a crustacean by a bald titan no words can describe your anger
  940. >You will make him regre- OH DEAR FAUST
  941. >Hes scratching behind your ear
  942. >You freeze up and let out a relaxed sigh
  943. >You didnt notice he has just seated you in your thone next to Celestia and left
  944. >Celestia looks at you trying not to laugh
  945. "Not a word sister. Now a word."
  952. >Anon always felt like a loser.
  953. >Everything he did was never good enough.
  954. >Then he came to Equestria, and met Lyra Heartstrings.
  955. >This minty pony is always cheering Anon on.
  956. >Always acting amazed at his every little accomplishment.
  957. >He knows she's silly, but it makes him feel better regardless.
  958. >The only time she goes a little too far is when she pops her head under the stall door of a public bathroom and whoops.
  959. >"Yeah, wait to go, Anon! You're number one at going number two!"
  960. "What the fuck, Lyra!?"
  967. > Good Yeah the griffiness has five sons
  968. > She does the best she can, making wagon wheels in a small Griffin town inside of Labyrinthia
  969. > One day, the local mine owner asks for her eldest's claw in marriage
  970. > Good Yeah accepts, but it seems her eldest has promised himself to a poor weaver
  971. > The weaver is a good griffin, hard working, if a little too humble
  972. > Good Yeah is persuaded, and gives them her blessing
  973. > Later, the second eldest falls for a revolutionary, and Good Yeah's heart is troubled
  974. > Still, the revolutionary is a strong willed griffin, and will make a name for herself in some way, no doubt
  975. > Good Yeah will not stand in the way of her second son's love
  976. > Her third son, however, that sweet, shy, bookish child...
  977. > Some minotaur abomination has the audacity to tell Good Yeah they are getting married
  978. > Without a matchmaker, without consulting her, the mother!
  979. > The third son pleads with Good Yeah, and she sees the love in his eyes
  980. > But no, he has turned from Golden Path, and so Good Yeah turns her back on her son and his Femanon
  981. > The next year, the Minoczarina sends an edict, evicting all the griffins in Labyrinthia
  982. > With a heavy heart, Good Yeah and all the villagers pack up their things and leave the only home they've known
  983. > As Good Yeah starts pulling her wagon, her third son and Femanon show up with their own wagon
  984. > Though her son could have stayed, having married a tauress, they decided to keep solidarity with the griffins
  985. > Good Yeah cannot bring herself to approve of their marriage, but she has to admire Femanon's devotion to her husband
  986. > Good Yeah silently beckons them to follow her, and sets off again
  987. > Perhaps they will find their fortune and some measure of peace in Equestria
  995. >You are Mister Shy.
  996. >*KNOCK KNOCK*
  997. >And you were in the middle of cleaning the living room when you heard a knock on the door.
  998. >You frown in confusion, scratching your head. You and Posey weren’t expecting any guests today. So who was it?
  999. >You trot over to open the door, only to see your daughter looking more nervous than usual.
  1000. >That immediately sets off an alarm in your head.
  1001. “Fluttershy? Sweetie, is something wrong? You just visited yesterday.”
  1002. >Your daughter’s face is completely red.
  1003. >”I-I um, w-well you see. Something happened, and I-I u-um...” 
  1004. >Oh dear, she hasn’t been this bad since she first left home on her own to move to Ponyville.
  1005. >”What I think Fluttershy is trying to say is...” you hear an unfamiliar masculine voice coming from outside.
  1006. >You turn your head and look up to see one of those strange aliens called humans looking down at you, similarly embarrassed but not as crippled by it as Fluttershy.
  1007. >It was then that you noticed he was wearing a large, poofy jacket with numerous pockets. And in each and every one of those pockets was a pegasus foal. All of whom bore a noticeable resemblance to your daughter.
  1008. >A grin starts to creep across your face as you started to put two and two together.
  1009. >”And I guess I’m the impromptu father of your grandkids? To be honest” the alien finished.
  1010. >You loved your daughter immensely, but by Celestia you didn’t think she had it in her!
  1011. >You and Posey were starting to think you’d have to rely on Zephyr for grandfoals! And knowing that colt you’d end up doing more of the parenting them him.
  1012. >You couldn’t help it. You squeed almost as if you were a schoolcolt again!”
  1013. “Come in, come in! Make yourself welcome!”
  1014. >You turn inside as your grin widens.
  1015. ”Honey, it’s a miracle! FLUTTERSHY GAVE US GRANDFOALS!”
  1016. >You took amusement in the frantic sputtering of your daughter as your wife whooped in joy from her position in the house
  1018. >"Okay, Fluttershy, I'm gonna teach you a lil' somethin' here, alright?"
  1019. >Your mom pulls you aside after double-checking that the door is closed.
  1020. >Your dad is distracting Anon, so hopefully you'll be chock full of knowledge on how to woo a colt by the time the two of them stop gossiping.
  1021. >"Lesson number one is all about pleasuring a stallion with your mouth."
  1022. >She grimaces and holds out her hooves at the face you make.
  1023. >"I know, I know. Nopony wants to hear this from their old mare, but lemme teach you all about the ol' lick-a-roo."
  1024. -----------------
  1025. >"Anonymous, son, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, alright?"
  1026. >Your... marefriend? Foal-mommy?
  1027. >Fluttershy's father leans back in his chair and effortlessly hefts a couple of your foals into his arms and tucks them under his wings; the tiny baby horses immediately curl up and close their eyes, and their almost-constant peeping slows to a stop.
  1028. >"Now, you're going to learn that mares are a prideful bunch."
  1029. >He roles his eyes and nuzzles one of the foals who jumps into his lap.
  1030. >"The mare ego is much more delicate that they want you to believe it is. So, when your special somepony stares you in the eye and says in a sultry, husky voice that she's going to give you "the ol' lick-a-roo"..."
  1031. >The corners of his mouth twitch underneath is impressive (if admittedly pink) mustache.
  1032. >"...do your best not to laugh in her face."
  1035. >human-pony hybrids are the embodiment of RGRE’s ‘humans are apex predators’ meme
  1036. >while their father is a normal modern human who hasn’t ever really needed to hunt for food, the presence of magic amps their own natural instincts.
  1037. >Anon and Fluttershy have to stop their foals from trying to wrestle manticores on a regular basis
  1039. >at home ALL their furniture has bite marks all over them
  1040. >anon had to buy them magically enchanted chew toys
  1041. >ordinary chew toys wouldnt last a day
  1050. >Anon makes a passing remark about his lizard brain in a conversation with twiggles before the NMM event
  1051. >Spike hears this and thinks humans are related to dragons
  1052. >Somehow. Kid logic or something
  1053. >He starts hanging around Anon seeing him as more and more of a father figure
  1054. >Anon ends up being around twilight more
  1055. >Poners think they're a couple
  1056. >Celestia congradulates Twilight on landing a loyal colt
  1057. >TheseHoesAintLoyal.mp3
  1058. >Incoming Shenanagins
  1065. "Listen Spike, I'm sorry to let you down lil' guy but I can't have a game of fire tag with you."
  1066. >Spike looks more saddened than before.
  1067. >"Why not? Are you busy?"
  1068. >You sigh and rub your head.
  1069. "No, I just can't breath fire."
  1070. >Now he looks confused.
  1071. >"What do you mean? Of course you can! I've seen you do it in your sleep! Just try!" The little drake says jumping up and down.
  1072. >He probably heard you snoring.
  1073. >Works been getting rough.
  1074. >But just to amuse the little guy you try by blowing air out your mouth.
  1075. "There, see, no fire."
  1076. >Spike starts stomping his feet in anger.
  1077. >"You're not trying hard enough, here you got to pucker your lips a bit more like this!" He says pushing your lips in together with his claws.
  1078. >Begrudgingly you just let him as you stay still.
  1079. >"There! Like that, now try to force all the heat from your body and blow!"
  1080. >Rolling your eyes you do as you're told.
  1081. >As you do a big plume of flame burst in front of you causing you to jump back and fall on your ass.
  1082. >"You did it! See, I told you you could!"
  1083. >You just sit there with wide eyes looking at the remaining smoke from the fire.
  1084. >At this point the nerdy purple Alicorn comes bursting inside.
  1085. >"What's going on!? I felt a magic burst, are you colts okay!?" The yelps ad she looks around the room.
  1086. >Looking up at the ceiling she sees a scorch mark and sighs.
  1087. >"Spike, what did I tell you about playing with your fire in the house?"
  1088. >"It wasn't me! I was just showing Anon he could breathe fire." He says patting your leg as you still sit there in awe. "And boy, can he use fire! That thing was massive! You should have seen it Twi, he was like FWOOSH! BRURR! It was so cool!"
  1089. >Twilight changes her gaze to you in curiosity.
  1090. >"Is that true Anon?" She ask tilting her head.
  1091. "I don't know what's true anymore, Twilight."
  1095. > Not being Equestrian, Anon is a blank slate magic-wise
  1096. > Doesn't mean he can learn every spells or other MarieSue bullshit
  1097. > His magic abilities are instead determined by whatever the people around him think he can do
  1098. > Every day is a roller-coaster of both awesomeness and disappointment
  1099. > It get worse once Twilight find a way to actively pick his magic-of-the-moment
  1106. > Be Sunset Shimmer, chilling with Rarity and Anon on the couch
  1107. > You're watching some fashion based show, something about finding frumpy guys and upgrading their wardrobe
  1108. > Rarity generously decided to educate Anon on fashion in this new world
  1109. > You really aren't sure if it's working, Anon is alternating between shaking his head and laughing at the frilly outfits
  1110. > It's pretty cute, he's such a janefilly
  1111. > You absently scratch under your boob
  1112. > Anon goes silent
  1113. > You glance over, only to find him starring at your tits, then looking away
  1114. > Huh
  1115. > You look forward, keeping him in your peripheral vision
  1116. > Experiemntally, you cross your arms under your breasts, lifting them up a little
  1117. > He's staring again, blushing a little
  1118. > By Celestia's tuft, he's looking at you like you used to look at a stallion's balls!
  1119. > You glance at Rarity, who is missing all the action
  1120. > You can't leave a sis out on this revelation
  1121. > You lean over and whisper to her
  1122. "Rarity, check this out!"
  1123. > She turns to look at you with an eyebrow raised
  1124. > "Yes?"
  1125. > You take off your shirt, letting your tits hang freely
  1126. > Rarity rolls her eyes
  1127. > "Yes, very nice, now put your shirt back on."
  1128. > You glance at Anon
  1129. > He's just staring, his cheeks reddening
  1130. "What do you think, Anon? Do you want me to put my shirt on?"
  1131. > Rarity scoffs
  1132. > Anon grins
  1133. > "By all means, keep your shirt off. It'd be a crime to hide those magnificent titties."
  1134. > You grin back
  1135. "Thank you, Anon."
  1136. > Rarity laughs nervously
  1137. > "Don't you think it's a little, ah, uncouth?"
  1138. > Anon shrugs
  1139. > "Maybe? I can't speak for guys around here, but for me this is a dream come true."
  1140. > Rarity doesn't seem to know what to say to that, but she is beginning to blush
  1141. > And compare her own tits to yours, which is not entirely fair to her
  1142. > A sis's work is never done
  1143. "Hey Anon, do you want to see Rarity's breasts?"
  1144. > Rarity turns as red as a beet
  1145. > Anon licks his lips nervously
  1146. > "If she doesn't mind showing me, absolutely."
  1147. >
  1148. something something sex scene
  1152. >Sunset is very ambitious despite no longer being a villain
  1153. >She sees opportunities that other people don't, and she helps her herd-sister Rarity find new business opportunities
  1154. >This results in increased revenue
  1156. >Rarity, fashion-minded as she is, is the first to notice that Anon is different from the other boys in school
  1157. >She's of the philosophy that clothes reflect the person beneath them, and Anon never wears anything extravagant or frilly or multi-layered (like the other boys do)
  1158. >This leads to her working her way from the clothes to the person, and ends up very specifically paying more attention to the way Anon acts and reacts
  1159. >Realizes he's a bit more than just your average tomgirl (janegirl?) and discovers that he appreciates more "manly" (read: frilly) clothing, but only when women wear them
  1160. >Encourages Sunset to try on a custom-made bra and panties set that resembles RGREqG-men's lingerie
  1161. >Sunset calls it "a bunch of dyke-y shit", but trusts Rarity's fashion sense enough to try just one time
  1162. >"You wanted to make Anon know we're serious about the three of us, right?"
  1163. >Rarity is surprised that Anon's shorts don't rip when he sees Sunset that evening
  1164. >Rarity is as smug as she is well-fucked that night
  1172. >at first Anon was astounded at the sheer volume of sugar that ponies consume on a daily basis
  1173. >astonishment turned to concern, fearing that some of his new technicolor friends might end up giving themselves diabetes, or might already have it and he'd simply not noticed yet
  1174. >concern then turned to amusement, referring to it as simply "Something Ponies Do"
  1175. >however, that amusement began to fade when the news came in that one of Equestria's premier sugar providers suffering a crop failure of almost unprecedented scale
  1176. >the honest-to-god candy ration was a bit jarring when the mailmare started delivering them each day, his own being slightly larger than a mare's ration, due to him "being a stallion and needing it more"
  1177. >but things started to get really uncomfortable when he heard how some of the surlier mares in town were handling the unexpected shortage
  1178. >a surprisingly large number of them took the scale of crop failure as evidence of foul play, and a simply disturbing number of the usually cheery equines were demanding outright war on whoever was responsible
  1179. >he almost asked how simple sugar could be so important as to threaten war over it right then and there, but managed to keep himself quiet
  1180. >he found he didn't quite feel safe around those mares just then
  1181. >and THAT definitely shut him up for a while
  1182. >eventually, he managed to get an answer out of the purpelest book horse
  1183. >apparently, while a pony CAN live off of oats and various grasses, they also require a steady supply of sugar
  1184. >if they don't get that sugar... things start to happen
  1185. >but the oddest (and most frustrating) part, was that not even Twilight seemed to know what those things were
  1188. > Anon, or the selfless hero of ponyville as he soon will be called stores all his candy
  1189. > Getting more for his size and being male he hardly eats any and puts it all in jars
  1190. > At the breaking point of ponyville which is the hardest hit for being so far from everywhere else anon selflessly gives all his irreplaceable candy to everypony before they kill themselves in a brawl for a klondike bar 
  1191. > This kind hearted stallion sacrificed his life blood for ponyville, its a friendship miracle he didn't die from sugerloss from this act
  1194. >Bon Bon's status of candy-maker is the only reason she's allowed to be as abrasive and cunty as she is
  1195. >This means a lot in a society that has a legitimate princess of friendship
  1196. >It's also why ponies who witness Bon Bon give Anon a gift of her finest candies ("It's not like I wanted to know if you wanted to maybe go see a movie with me or something, b-baka~") all gasped dramatically
  1198. >Anon accepts, because he finds grump-horse cute
  1199. >ponies are afraid that, with how she acts, its an abusive relationship waiting to happen
  1200. >and with her job as a confectioner, and the easy access to sugar it provides, they're also afraid that she'll try hooking him on her sugar specifically
  1201. >and after that, who knows what could happen
  1202. >she might try blackmailing him into staying with her as some kind of sex-slave
  1203. >or. even worse, she might even force him to sell himself out on the street to feed the addiction she forced on him!
  1204. >distressed_horse_noises.vinyl
  1205. >as nice, upstanding and honorable mares, they cannot let this travesty stand!
  1206. >they must sally forth, and rescue the fair, innocent colt Anonymous from this den of treachery and lust 'ere he be ensared in it forever!
  1208. >Meanwhile, Anon is peppering Bon Bon's muzzle with kisses and enjoying her squeaks and the way she's desperately trying to keep the grumpy look on her face
  1212. >Sugar confectioners have one of the most important jobs in Equestria: making sure that everypony has their daily supply of sugar in whatever form they need
  1213. >Only a few ponies who have an abnormal amount of self-control can properly do their job without forcing themselves into a sugar-coma from eating their own products
  1214. >Bon Bon is only grumpy because she forces herself to only have the absolute minimum amount of sugar to keep going in order to maintain her self control
  1215. >Otherwise, she'll have a permanent food baby like Mrs. Cake and then no stallion would want her
  1217. >When Anon apprentices at her shop, she kept an eye on him at all times to see if he would fall to the call of sugar like so many other ponies
  1218. >She finds out that not only can he control himself doing work, but he could goes days, even a week before she forced him to have some chocolate before he collapses from malnourishment
  1219. >Bon Bon never thought that she would have to beg somepony to eat sugar, but he does good work
  1220. >Not to mention that it feels good to hear him compliment her work
  1228. >Rarity looks forward to horse-weddings
  1229. >sure, it may sting a bit to be reminded rather bluntly that she's not getting horse-married any time soon, but they're simply magnificent for business
  1230. >the wedding dresses and suit are nice, but the real money, she's found, is stitching the alpha of the herd's cutie mark into every scrap of clothing brought to her
  1231. >she may only charge a few bits a pop, but most ponies have more clothes than they realize, and thus part with more bits than they realize
  1232. >sure, it can get a bit boring stitching the same design into so many pieces of cloth for hours on end, but she finds a unique sort of challenge in finding the best place to put it
  1233. >her favourite items to work on are, of course, the stallion's testicle bras
  1234. >which is why she was so disappointed when the alpha of Anon's herd, (waifu) came to her about a week before the wedding
  1235. >true, the odd stallion easily owned the most clothes in the whole town, and she would be making quite the pretty bit doing it, but it just lost some of the fun when (waifu) told her that Anon didn't wear any support
  1236. >or own any, for that matter
  1237. >u-unf
  1238. >okay, maybe it is still a bit fun
  1245. >Sunset and Sci-Twi are in a lesbian relationship, but they’re very bad at hiding it.
  1246. >It’s one of the worst kept secrets at Canterlot High next to the frequent magical escapades, but the students pretend not to know out of politeness.
  1247. >That and they still remember when Sunset was a huge bitch so they don’t want to piss her off. 
  1248. >Things get awkward when Sunset catches her roommate, Anon, spying on her and Twilight while they make out.
  1249. >.... With a very obvious boner.
  1250. >While Sunset is bisexual and open to the idea of a threesome relationship, coming from a herding society, RGREqG is still very much monogamous.
  1251. >She knows Twilight likes guys as well judging from Timber Spruce, but doesn’t know if she’d be open to a ménage a trois
  1260. >Rainbow Dash and Anon had been going steady for nearly a year when she got pregnant.
  1261. >It was surprising, seeing as they were different species, but both partners quickly warmed up to the idea.
  1262. >Anon, in typical stallion fashion, was absolutely ecstatic to be a dad, and Dash was pretty excited, too.
  1263. >"Just you wait, Anon, our foal will be the fastest flyer in Equestria!"
  1264. >"With me teaching them, they'll be in the WonderBolts by the time they're ten!"
  1265. >"With our awesomeness combined, they'll be captain!"
  1266. >With every day, Dash grew more and more attached to the idea.
  1267. >Her and her foal, up in the skies, ponies looking up in awe at their awesomeness.
  1268. >Then the day came when she went into labor.
  1269. >It was tough, she would bashfully admit, seeing as most mares bragged about how easy they could foal.
  1270. >But Dash was a lot more narrow in the hips, so she had more trouble than those wide-flanked earth ponies.
  1271. >Still, the effort was worth it when she held her son in her arms.
  1272. >She'd have liked to have a daughter, but she didn't doubted her son would still be plenty awesome.
  1273. >Soarin' was a stallion, after all, and he was a pretty great flyer.
  1274. >Wanting to check out what the little fella was sporting on his back, Rainbow Dash pushed the swaddle aside.
  1275. >And froze.
  1276. >Even when Anon approached, she couldn't tear her eyes away from her son's back.
  1277. >From what was missing.
  1278. "Come on, Dashy, let me hold him!" Anon said excitedly, pulling his son from his wife's hooves. "Oh, you're a big guy, aren't'cha! No wonder you gave your mom so much trouble."
  1279. >"It's not surprising," Nurse Redheart commented. "Earth pony foals tend to be bigger than pegasus ones, so cross-tribe foaling can cause complications. Luckily everything went smoothly, though."
  1280. "Of course," Anon said, looking at Rainbow Dash. "My wife's the most awesome mare around, right? She can handle anything... right, Dash...? Dash?"
  1281. >But the mare wasn't listening, to busy staring down at her hooves, as if her broken dreams were there
  1289. >Celestia wants the monkey dick
  1290. >doesn't know how to relate to Anon though
  1291. >uses a cheeki breeki mind reading spell when passing him by one day to find out what he likes
  1292. >gets a brainful of vidya and memes instead
  1293. >starts throwing out weird pickup lines like pic related
  1294. >Anon is concerned that he's found another pony like Pinkie that Knows
  1295. >something something RGRE
  1303. >anon cant speak pony but he can understand their body language enough
  1304. >in the beginning he was a little unsure about the ponies he's been living with for a while
  1305. >many see him as a shy wallflower, not really keen in involving himself on anything
  1306. >if not for a certain pink pony who pull him out of his shell
  1308. >pinkie would come to anon everyday acting like a excited dog dragging him all over ponyville to show him all the sights
  1309. >pinkie's penchant for being touchie feely was not much of a issue to anon unlike for stallions
  1310. >this made anon think "oh they're like funny corgies and they seem to like hugs"
  1311. >since then he would just pick up anypony who would approach him as a greeting
  1312. >their sqeaks of protest would only encourage him further
  1321. >Anon is the RGRE equivalent of the mother of monsters. 
  1322. >Unfortunately for his spawn he's a better dad than the Loki
  1324. >Anon stands in his bathrobe with a rolled up newspaper, glaring at his embarrassed daughter and her night time visitor... Coated in bbq sauce.
  1325. Sweetie... Were you trying to eat your freinds agian?
  1326. >Anon says with a voice like poison
  1327. >"I uhh, I umm, w-well you see the thing is"
  1328. >"Lay off of her, I was the one who wanted this"
  1329. >Her stailion companion quickly regrets speaking up as anons murder face falls on him.
  1330. What, did you just say
  1331. >"W-well I just thought it would be kinda hot yo-"
  1332. Shhhhhhh, Shhh
  1333. >Anon shushes the stailion and with a sigh turns around and yells out. 
  1334. Etris, did you invent the internet agian?
  1335. >After a minute she weakly calls out from her room
  1336. >"I-it was only dial up"
  1337. >Anon sighs agian and stands up
  1338. >It's grounding time
  1345. >Be Anon
  1346. >Friday Night
  1347. >Hanging out at the local card shop
  1348. >Shuffling deck to pass the time
  1349. >Red/Green Eldrazi
  1350. >Not the most efficient deck, but fun
  1351. >Three mares stroll up to you
  1352. >"Hey gals, get a look at this. It's a fake gamer colt!"
  1353. >Roll your eyes and ignore them
  1354. >You've gotten used to this since you arrived in Equestria
  1355. >Mare doesn't take well to being ignored
  1356. >Uses her magic to rip your deck outta your hands
  1357. >Quickly shuffles through it looking amused
  1358. >"You call this a deck?"
  1359. "Yes, now give it back."
  1360. >"Pssh, you couldn't beat a foal with a deck like this."
  1361. "Wanna bet?"
  1362. >"Oh? Are you trying to say you could beat me? With a deck like this?"
  1363. "Yeah, I could!"
  1364. >"Hey girls, looks like this fake gamer colt thinks he has a clit on him."
  1365. >"Teach him what happens when a colt plays a mare's game."
  1366. >"Alright then, we've got time before the tourney starts. Tell you what, if I win then you've gotta admit to all these nice mares here that you're a fake gamer colt."
  1367. "And when I win?"
  1368. >"Hah! As if. But tell you what, if you win then the three of us'll take you out on a date. How's that sound? We'll even take you shopping for clothes afterwards. Right girls?"
  1369. >The other two mares are sniggering behind their hooves, unaware of their imminent doom.
  1370. "Sounds good to me."
  1371. >She sits down and pulls out her deck and starts shuffling.
  1372. >You idly shuffle as well
  1373. >You cut each other's decks
  1374. >Both of you draw 7 cards
  1375. >She keeps, you mulligan
  1376. >The next hand you get makes you grin
  1377. >It seems like somepony up there really wanted you to have that date.
  1378. >Turn one land for you and a Lightning Bolt for her
  1379. >Seems like she's running a burn deck
  1380. >No matter, you only needed two more turns
  1381. >Turn two summon an Eldrazi Spawn
  1382. >Another three damage to you
  1383. >No problem, turn three you summon another five spawns before sacrificing four of them for a Hand of Emrakul
  1384. >Rest of the game was EZ from there
  1385. "GG, so about that date."
  1387. >"Hey, loser, if you can beat me at cards, I'll allow you to take me on a date!"
  1388. "Oh, you're on!"
  1390. And then she threw the match and got to go out with the exotic stallion she had a crush on.
  1391. Anon is easily duped
  1393. >Anon believes himself the keikaku master of his Chinese dramas
  1394. >he's actually the rgre version of the Ditzy girl
  1401. >Anon is playing in a BattleMallet tournament at the local card shop.
  1402. >He wasn't the best, but he had been getting into WarHameer before arriving in this crazy world and had been learning this new take on the game ever since.
  1403. >Despite the eye rolls from the girls, he did well, making it all the way to the semifinals before losing to the eventual winner of the whole thing.
  1404. >Moondancer, for her part, was surprised by how well the strange stallion had done, having really given her a challenge before succumbing to her army.
  1405. >That's why she nervously approached him as he was packing his things to say, "Um, h-hey there, I just wanted to say that was a really good game we had."
  1406. >Anon looks up and smiles.
  1407. "Thanks. I'm not surprised I lost to you, though. You're really good."
  1408. >Moondancer blushes.
  1409. >"Thanks... So, how long have you been into BattleMallet?"
  1410. >He shrugs.
  1411. "Only a couple months, but I've always thought things like this were cool."
  1412. >"Only a couple months?" Moondancer said skeptically.
  1413. "Yeah, but it's a lot like a game I used to play back home, so I at haven't had to relearn everything."
  1414. >Moondancer was surprised, and maybe just a little bit turned on, by the strange stallion's skill, and asked, "Hey, you want to have another match? I noticed a few times in our last one that you missed some good opportunities. Maybe I can give you some pointers this time."
  1415. >Anon smiles widely, getting Moondancer to shiver slightly.
  1416. "Really? Of course! That'd be great! Just let me get my stuff back out."
  1423. >magic sometimes favor one trait over another
  1424. >in pegasai this translates into singing voice or flight
  1425. >singing is typically a male thing since they used their ability to soothe predators while the mares fought
  1426. >a mare whose talents favor singing are alienated from the flock
  1427. >to modern days a 'songbird' is a very derogatory thing to call a pegasus mare
  1428. >this was why Fluttershy can hardly fly
  1429. >this was why Fluttershy was bullied as hard as she was
  1430. >in comes Rara
  1431. >for the first time her singing isn't a source of humiliation when her audience isn't animals
  1432. >for the first time Fluttershy has a true friend
  1433. >and eventually the bravery to go into the Everfree when Nightmare Moon returns when others thought she was far too soft a mare
  1434. >and I guess Anon comes in and fugs them later on or something
  1441. >She's "holding" Anon down, bouncing on his lap.
  1442. >"You like that, colt? I'm going to drain you dry, and there's nothing you can do about it."
  1443. >Anon, for his part, his leaning back, hands behind his head, enjoying Fluttershy as if she were a self-powered onahole.
  1444. >That is, until there's a ding from down stairs.
  1445. "Oh! My spinach puffs are ready to come out of the oven! Do you mid getting up for a sec, Flutters?"
  1446. >She grins cruelly.
  1447. >"Afraid not, my little toy. Seems your puffs will have to burn, because I'm not finished yet."
  1448. >Anon deadpans.
  1449. "Seriously, Fluttershy, that's my dinner we're talking about. Either get up or get embarrassed."
  1450. >"Oh? And what are you going to do, Anon? How's the little colt gonna make me-eep!"
  1451. >Without even a grunt of effort, Anon sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed.
  1452. >Fluttershy clings to his torso, still sunk to the base of his member as he walks through the house.
  1453. >She's blushing intensely as the human acts as if she's not even there, grabbing an oven mitt and pulling his tray of golden brown spinach puffs from the oven and placeing them on a cooling rack.
  1454. "Mmm, perfect," he says after a whiff. "Doesn't that just wet your appetite, Flutters?"
  1455. >The mare simply stares up at him, wide-eyed, giving a little hump every once in a while
  1463. >Be Anon
  1464. >Secretly a scalie
  1465. >Dragon Lord Ember visits Ponyville
  1466. >Instant boner
  1467. >Ask her out
  1468. >She says she'll go out with you if you can beat her in a fight
  1469. >She expects you to run home with your tail in between your legs like all the other colts
  1470. >Too bad you're not a colt
  1471. >You're a man
  1473. >Anon proceeds to start losing the fight near instantly.
  1474. >Turns out puny man-flash ain't got nothing on dragon-pipes.
  1475. >While wrestled to the ground, Anon sees her tail lift, and hears the voice of his man, Steve Erwin.
  1476. "Crikey!" Anon screams as way of battle cry before plunging his thumb two knuckles deep into her tail hole.
  1477. >"Eeh!?"
  1478. >After the proceeding mauling, Anon is set up in a hospital room, broken and pale as they had no human blood for a transfusion.
  1479. >He's staring at the ceiling, questioning his life decisions, when the door slowly creeks open to reveal a blushing and nervous Dragon Lord.
  1480. >Anon is terrified at first, fearing she has come to finish him off, but she quickly explains she was just checking in.
  1481. >"I'm sorry for going overboard like I did," she explains. "Honestly, you just surprised me, is all, doing... that in front of a bunch of ponies. I couldn't let such disrespect go unanswered and lose face."
  1482. "It's, uh, it's fine. That was totally inappropriate," Anon assured. "I deserved it for pulling something like that in a fair fight."
  1483. >She rubs an arm and bites her lip.
  1484. >"You really didn't... especially because I kind of liked it..."
  1485. "E-excuse me?"
  1486. >Anon watches, stunned as the dragoness climbs into bed next to him, rubbing the same claw that had nearly gouged his eye out gently across his bandaged chest.
  1487. >"No one knows this, but I've always had a thing for brave males... and butt stuff."
  1488. "No kidding?" Anon finds himself asking even as her arm starts to lower towards his waist.
  1489. >"Yeah," she says, blush turning from embarrassed to aroused. "Just thinking about what you did... it stokes my fire."
  1490. >Anon shivers as he feels cool scales brush against his member, claws ghosting over the soft flesh.
  1491. >Several seconds in, and he should be rock hard, yet, he hasn't even begun to swell.
  1492. >Ember gives him a confused look.
  1493. >"Is everything alright? Do you not want to do it after I..."
  1494. "No, no!" Anon assured. "It's just, I'm kinda short on blood."
  1502. >Times are tough for the hive
  1503. >Not enough love to go around
  1504. >It's your duty as queen to make the hard decisions
  1505. >Get rid of the latest clutch of hatchlings and ban further mating until more love can be acquired
  1507. >Be Anon
  1508. >Exploring Everfree because it reminds you of home
  1509. >Stumble across a dozen bug horse foals
  1510. >All alone
  1511. >You're not an asshole
  1512. >Well you are an asshole
  1513. >But you're not going to let foals die out here
  1514. >Take them home
  1515. >Become father to a dozen changelings and accidentally start your own hive
  1517. >Chrysalis hears word of a fledgling hive in or around Ponyville
  1518. >"The ovaries of that Queen must be the size of medicine balls to be hosting a hive right on the Princess of Friendship's front lawn."
  1519. >Visits to see what her competition is like
  1520. >Zeros in on the source: a cottage at the edge of the village
  1521. >"Bingo."
  1522. >Sneaks in through the door; it's unlocked
  1523. >"That mare is a cocky daughter-of-a-bastard, I'll give her that."
  1524. >The lights click on, and Chrysalis has to fight her buggy instincts to scuttle under the fridge and hide
  1525. >Something tickles her hivemind; something familiar
  1526. >>"Mommy?"
  1527. >Oh, fuck
  1528. >It's those nymphs she totally abandoned for the sake of her hive's survival
  1529. >>"Mommy!"
  1530. >"Fuck."
  1531. >A second voice - deep and smooth - enters the fray
  1532. >>>" 'Mommy', huh?"
  1533. >"Double fuck."
  1534. >>>"Sit tight, 'mommy', 'cuz you've got some 'splainin' to do."
  1538. >Chrysalis is captured
  1539. >Agrees to undergo friendship lessons with Twilight in exchange for her children being allowed to safely wander the streets
  1540. >"Don't you buckin' look at me like that, Anon. It was either that or moon-punishment, for ALL of us."
  1541. >Gets to hanging around Anon, since he's just about the only creature who doesn't run at the sight of her
  1542. >He wasn't around at the time of the wedding incident (which Chrysalis refers to as "the you-know-what that happens you-know-where, which we will never speak of ever again"), so he never witnessed the terror of the changelings first hand.
  1543. >All in all, he doesn't give too much of a shit
  1544. >They just talk
  1545. >Little does he know, his consistent presence is stabilizing Chrysalis and aiding her progress from "bug monster" to "bug monster who is also a productive member of society"
  1546. >Anon's friendship comes to mean very much to Chrysalis
  1547. >Something something RGRE; maybe her nymphs were listening during her misandrist rants back in the day and innocently ask Anon why he isn't either in the bug-kitchen or in Chrysalis's bug-bed
  1548. >"Mommy says pony males are good for only two things, mister Anon!"
  1549. >A hoof claps (gently) over the young changeling's mouth
  1550. >>"Y-Yes, well... mommy might have had something to drink when she said that."
  1558. >Be background pone
  1559. >You were just finishing a twitch stream
  1560. >Glance a the sidebar to see some Ball Streamer in the sidebar
  1561. >Decide to click on it for a quickie
  1562. >6 months later
  1563. >At a mandatory town council meeting
  1564. >Something about unsafe building practices
  1565. >"So we would like to bring out Mr Anon, our resident irrigation expert"
  1566. >When you see him you need to do a double take
  1567. >Holy shit
  1568. >It's him
  1569. >Try not to burst into laughter as "ZombieSparkleBoy" gives a detailed speech about two-valve sprinkler systems
  1578. >Anon Jr. is even more desirable than his father.
  1579. >All the looks and work ethic without all the interest in grimy girl stuff like getting sweaty and not showering immediately, or not shaving his bush.
  1580. >Anon has to beat the girls off with a stick, literally, because his son has also inherited his and the mother's combined libido.
  1581. >Seriously, a horny dad from a normal gender roles people and a horny mother from a reverse gender roles people producing an ungodly horndog of a child should have been obvious, but hindsight...
  1582. >Anon Jr. primps and preens in front of the mirror everyday before school, wears skintight outfits, and walks with a noticeable swagger, all in a display that is quite literally "Asking for it," from every girl he passes.
  1583. >Anon's not worried about the boy being raped.
  1584. >You can't rape the willing, after all.
  1585. >He is worried about having several grandkids before he even has his first gray hair, though
  1593. I like the idea that Chrysalis literally does not know how to get things without using force. I think there was a prompt about Chrysalis's mother teaching with her hooves. Anon probably didn't even know he was out on a date with the changeling queen until she undid the blindfold and, cackling madly, declared that they were in the finest restaurant in Canterlot
  1600. > Anon keeps hearing about what happened at various sleepovers
  1601. > He always says he has plans when invited to a sleepover, partially because it sounds kinda fruity, and partially because he can't sleep if it's too noisy
  1602. > While he is at the Carrousel Beautique, paying for his new swimsuit, he mentions to Rarity that he doesn't get why ponies are always having sleepovers
  1603. > She has a bad feeling, and asks when the last time he went on a sleepover
  1604. > He scratched his cheek
  1605. "I think I was fourteen at the time, so fifteen years ago? Yeah, that sounds right."
  1606. > Rarity faints, then immediately revives
  1607. > She insists that he go to a sleepover this night, it's not healthy for someone to go so long without bonding like that
  1608. > He frowns at her
  1609. "Fine. I'll go with you to a sleepover, and see what I've been missing."
  1610. > Rarity hurriedly agrees, glad that he's finally being sensible
  1611. > It isn't until he leaves that she realizes what she agreed to
  1612. > Rarity begins to sweat at the thought of a stallion at her sleepover
  1613. > Luckily the other mares are also pretty coltish, so he shouldn't feel too out of place, but still
  1614. > She has a lot of preparation to do for the night
  1616. >"Oh, no. I can't break out 'pin the cock on the stallion', and that's my biggest crowd-pleaser!"
  1618. >Anon comes and everyone has a good time
  1619. >After seeing his "coltish side," which was Anon just going along with everything, Rarity feels a bit attracted to Anon
  1620. >When eveyone is asleep, she decides to enact a secret fantasy of hers: holding hooves while sleeping.
  1621. >When they wake up, a filly is sleeping between her and Anon and calls them mommy and daddy when she wakes up
  1623. > Sweetie Belle does her best to get Anon and Rarity together
  1624. > Even if it means acting like a little filly to trigger Anon's paternal instincts
  1632. >Be Rarity
  1633. >While leaving from visiting Fluttershy for some tea and cucumber sandwiches you spot her.
  1634. >The strange hairless minotaur cow by the woods.
  1635. >No doubt banished because of her deformed legs or flat chest.
  1636. >Perhaps both.
  1637. >Helping the girl has crossed your mind many times but you remember Iron Will.
  1638. >And he was a minotaur bull
  1639. >Zecora is one thing but you aren't putting your life on the line to test if a mino cow acts more like a yak than a zebra.
  1640. >Twilight says that they are a very territorial species, and we should count ourselves lucky that she chose to live at the outskirts of town and not attack.
  1641. Still...
  1642. >As she climbs out of her mudhole carrying the clay that will eventually be more tiles, to the sparse home she is building next to her even more sparse hut you see that she still wears her simple pair of short pants
  1643. >As she does daily
  1644. >Well worn from current life, but even at this distance you can see that they are tightly woven and still hold together well after the weeks she's been here.
  1645. >Perhaps she was born at a high station before her banishment, or wishes to be a lady despite her disabilities.
  1646. You poor thing.
  1647. >With some resolve you smile and prance back to your boutique
  1648. >You had to eyeball the measurements so they won't be up to your usual quality
  1649. >And you may have to drop them off in the dead of night.
  1650. >But your cutiemark demands you help her, even if it is only in this small way
  1658. >Anon is Sunset Shimmer’s boyfriend
  1659. >Except it’s before her falling out with Celestia and subsequent running away to EqG
  1660. >Anon is a stabilizing influence on the ambitious and egotistical young mare, which prevent her from becoming the villain she was in canon.
  1661. >Sunset still has her moments where her temper and pride get the better of her, due to not having the humbling experience of getting hit by the Friendship Cannon.
  1662. >Sonic Rainboom still happens.
  1663. >Celestia takes on Twilight as a second student to help the young filly learn to control her powerful magic.
  1664. >Sunset can’t help but feel jealous of her.
  1665. >Twilight managed to do what no one else has on Egg Test and actually hatch the damn thing when the test was designed to be impassable.
  1666. >Plus the younger unicorn rapidly proves herself to be just as smart as Sunset.
  1667. >All the time spent studying and practicing only for this kid to show up and be an even better version of her?
  1668. >But that changes when Sunset realizes that Twilight actually really looks up to her, almost as much as she does Celestia.
  1669. >Years pass and the two of them settle into an almost sisterly relationship by the time Nightmare Moon shows up.
  1670. >Seeing her kouhai’s poor luck with stallions, Sunset decides to ask Anon about possibly letting Twilight in and making their relationship into a proper herd
  1677. >It took far longer than it should have and Principle Celestia is kicking herself for it, but she now knows Sunset Shimmer is a minor without a guardian.
  1678. >This news was brought to her by the gym teacher, Anonymous, who had grown suspicious that someone was living in the supply closet.
  1679. >She was skeptical at first, thinking he was just being a paranoid man, but his masculine intuition had been right and the culprit revealed.
  1680. >To think the school bully was a homeless vagrant all along.
  1681. >No doubt many of the students would find the truth quite sweet after how much she had tormented them over the last year.
  1682. >Still, despite her past transgressions, Celestia could not say their wasn't a pang of sympathy in her heart for the girl, especially when she broke down in her office after the principle had told her she would have to contact child services.
  1683. >Sunset couldn't be sent away!
  1684. >She needed to be there for when the portal opened!
  1685. >She may not have said this, but the teary eyed desperation showed in her pleading.
  1686. >She was doing fine in the gym!
  1687. >She didn't need a home!
  1688. >"Please let me stay!"
  1689. >Celestia was sad, but she wasn't going to give.
  1690. >Anonymous, on the other hand, was a man, and of course had a soft spot for children.
  1691. >It was no real surprise then when he cleared his throat and stepped forward from by the door to make an offer.
  1692. >As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sunset had clung to them, agreeing to the idea.
  1693. >"Yes!"
  1694. >"I'll live with the gym teacher!"
  1695. >"Then I can keep going to Canterlot High, right?"
  1696. >Thus is how Anon found himself setting up a guest room for a teenage girl he was now the guardian of.
  1697. >He really was too nice for his own good
  1705. >Long ago, Anon landed in Equestria, where he met a seemingly nice mare who he started dating.
  1706. >Said mare turned out to be an odd sort of crazy.
  1707. >The kind of crazy that could disguise itself and make other's go along with it..
  1708. >The, "Hey, you should let me improve you with totally-not dark magic," crazy.
  1709. >"Tails are so useful, dear, and the spade-tip would feel lovely up a bum."
  1710. >"You're dick could stand to be a little bigger."
  1711. >"I'd say at least... six more inches."
  1712. >"And bumps."
  1713. >"Hey, long tongues are nifty, right?"
  1714. >"It'll increase your lollipop eating skills significantly... and cunnilingus."
  1715. >"You know, food is actually pretty expensive, and bits are tight."
  1716. >"How 'bout I make it so you can feed off of sexual energy?"
  1717. >"Feed two birds with one scone, ya'know?"
  1718. >"Oh, the horns are necessary for siphoning the sex energy, pay them no mind, dear."
  1719. >Over the course of several years in the strangest, albeit kinkiest relationship he's ever been in, Anon realizes he looks like a fucking demon.
  1720. >Shit, when the Solar Guard busted into their home and arrested his marefriend for being a witch, they accused him of being an incubus summoned from the Pits of Despair.
  1721. >A claim, Anon realized, was only half false as he clearly wasn't human anymore.
  1722. >Another realization he soon came to is that Tartarus fucking sucks.
  1723. >Especially after hundreds of years there with no one to talk to but a wrinkly centaur dude who spends all his time ranting about his evil aspirations.
  1724. >Anon thought he would be stuck there forever until a magic circle etched itself into the air above his head and sucked him in.
  1725. >With a yelp, he was spat straight up into the air of a dim room, the circle vanishing right before gravity dropped him back through.
  1726. >He nearly busted his tail when he landed roughly on his ass.
  1727. >"...Oooh buck," he heard a voice murmur.
  1728. >Looking up, he spots four mares in robes.
  1729. >From under the hoods, he can spot a beige, blue, cream, and yellow muzzles, each with hanging jaws
  1737. >Anon arrives in RGREqG shortly after Sunset's defeat
  1738. >Anon befriends her despite all the boys at school having spread rumours that she's a rapist and a creep
  1739. >Anon provides stable companionship and becomes her emotional rock
  1740. >After a number of months, they become lovers
  1741. >Anon arrives back home from the jewelry store with an engagement ring and is surprised when Sunset gets down on one knee before he does
  1742. >Anon wonders silently if Sunset sold a fucking organ or two in order to afford such a beautiful ring
  1743. >A year or so later, shortly after they're married, Sunset reveals that she's rich as fuck thanks to her investing in companies that ended up taking off
  1744. >"I... I thought you already knew I was wealthy! Didn't you ever notice that I don't have a job? I mean, look at my apartment! It's bucking awesome!"
  1745. >Sunset unintentionally got an (unnecessary) reminder that Anon loves her for her and didn't marry her for her money
  1752. >"You going to work again?"
  1753. "Yes dear"
  1754. >You are Chrysalis
  1755. >You are the Don of Canterlot USA
  1756. >And your husband doesn't even know
  1757. >He's too good for you, if he found out...
  1758. >Well, you wouldn't be surprised if he left you
  1759. >Tonight you have to take care of some "business"
  1760. "Love you"
  1761. >"Love you too Chryssy"
  1762. >You give him a goodbye kiss and go to the car waiting for you at the end of the driveway and get in
  1763. "Do we have the "yard trimmings" in the trunk?"
  1764. >"Yeah boss, we got the cement mixer too"
  1765. "Excellent."
  1766. >You and your goons drive for two hours to a secluded lake and take a boat out to the middle
  1767. >You slap the tied up woman awake and have two goons hold her up
  1768. "You knew what would happen if you fucked with us."
  1769. >"You crazy bitch!! You can't do this too me, do you know who I am!?"
  1770. "Yes, a corpse."
  1771. >You have her mouth taped shut and have the cement shoes made
  1772. "I hope you told your family goodbye before we found you. Goodbye."
  1773. >She's tossed off the boat and you make your way home
  1776. >He knows.
  1777. >Of course he knows.
  1778. >Chrysalis is about as slick as they come. Able to lie without a single skipped heart beat, able to dip her hands in pockets and make the victim wish they had more to give, and able to stare into the abyss and make it cower. 
  1779. >But she wasn't subtle about protecting her precious lover. A more ditzy man may have missed the signs, but a few weeks of reading between the lines confirmed it to Anon.
  1780. >His Chrysalis is a crime lord. A big one. 
  1781. >Owning a 'cleaning business' should not require her direct input so often, nor should it necessitate goons masquerading as guards obviously hiding guns on them around the (admittedly large) house. 
  1782. >Anon sighs and fingers the small gun hidden at his waist, wondering when his Queen will come clean with him.
  1783. >...Or when circumstances will finally force her. 
  1784. >Either way, he will stay by his Chrissy's side, even if it means the death of him
  1786. >A new mob starts to rise in power led by a disgraced ex-member of Chrysalis' Mob, Thorax
  1787. >She disregards it not seeing any point to stomping it out
  1788. >Yet
  1789. >Pharynx somehow ends up getting roped into joining Thorax
  1790. >Helps him show Chrysalis up
  1791. >Eventually ends in the usual, Anon kidnapped with a gun to his head and no way for Chrysalis to get to him
  1792. >Anon has been taking self-defence lessons while Chrysalis was out because he expected it
  1793. >Ends up knocking out Pharynx and Thorax and drags Chrysalis back home telling her that they are gonna have a long talk
  1794. >Thorax and Pharynx are confused and somewhat terrified of Anon now
  1802. >Anon, once he converted to the joy of horsefuckery, thought he would get 2 or 3 mares, maybe 4 if he was feeling greedy.
  1803. >Any more than that was a bit intimidating. It would be a struggle to satisfy that many mares.
  1804. >Not even just sexually, but emotionally. There's only so many hours in the day, and only so many days in the week.
  1805. >When his first mare insisted they needed to talk, he braced himself for the herd talk.
  1806. >She'd been subtly and not so subtly dropping hints about some of her friends.
  1807. >If they really wanted it, maybe he could give it a shot. They'd just have to make it work, somehow.
  1809. >He thought he was prepared.
  1810. >2 or 3 more mares, that was reasonable, right?
  1811. >The gender ratio was even more out of whack than he realized.
  1812. >Turns out the expectation is for large herds.
  1813. >Very large.
  1814. >Like triple what he'd expected.
  1815. >No one would find it strange in the least if he had 10 mares. Or more.
  1816. >Monos were nearly unheard of, and were often temporary arrangements. Like what he and his mare had right now, with the expectation that the herd would grow in time.
  1817. >Almost without fail, small herds grew into big herds.
  1826. >You lead a small band/herd of bandits. Mostly mares, but some other races are mixed in.
  1827. >Turns out a stern but understanding male leader open to sex actually doesn't create as many respect issues as expected. 
  1828. >It actually keeps the stress in the team down.
  1829. >With some planning and taking advantage of the usual pony's lack of sense, you and your band lead a successful criminal career. 
  1830. >Then bad info strikes.
  1831. >The next carriage set for robbery holds not one, but all four princesses. They opted out of a large procession and guard unit for a plain looking carriage taking them to a meeting.
  1832. >Your band strikes, only to realize the horrid error too late. 
  1833. >If it was one, or maybe even two, you could have coordinated a retreat or maybe fought them off, but even the most in-sync team stood little chance against all 4 alicorns. 
  1834. >In a last ditch effort, you offer to take any punishment they give as long as your girls get let go, much to their protest.
  1835. >Naturally, Luna wants you all to rot in jail while Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight show their bleeding hearts.
  1836. >Guess who is getting the Reformation treatment?
  1843. > Be an evil sorcerer of some sort, maybe necromancer
  1844. > Be fixated on having a student carry on the legacy, and molding that student to be a immitation of yourself
  1845. > Choose Twilight to be your apprentice
  1846. > Show up as an exotic worker of magic looking to share knowledge
  1847. > Start off kindly, but become increasingly strict, insisting discipline is necessary for the higher magics
  1848. > Start managing her life, limiting her contact with her friends
  1849. > Corrupt her gradually, your sith apprentice
  1850. > Use Twilight to gain influence and control over the town
  1851. > Impose a sort of martial law, with curfew and a ban on heartsong
  1852. > Word gets to Celestia about the situation
  1853. > She arrives to a silent town, with ponies huddled in their homes
  1854. > You confront her with Twilight, ordering my apprentice to strike down her former master
  1855. > Twilight hesitates, your control over her slipping
  1856. > You grow angry with her, and try to puppet her with dark magic
  1857. > Celestia sings to Twilight, a montage of all their wholesome teacher-student moments
  1858. > Then she sings to you, about letting your student go, and watching them fulfill their own potential
  1859. > You are purified by the heartsong, and remove your corruption from Twilight
  1860. > In order to let go of your apprentice you must leave Ponyville, but is there some way you could hear how she is doing from time to time?
  1861. > Celestia offers a room at the palace, and sharing letters from Twilight with you
  1869. >You live in a typical medieval fantasy world
  1870. >You’re a simple peasant farmer, living happily with your wife and kids.
  1871. >Tragedy strikes, and your family is accidentally killed in the crossfire of a fight between the local dark wizard and a platoon of knights sent to defeat him.
  1872. >The wizard is killed but his spell books remain.
  1873. >You manage to steal and hide them before the knights can burn them, and in your maddened grief you delve into necromancy as a means of possibly bringing your family back.
  1874. >All you get is empty husks but it’s better than nothing.
  1875. >After a time, word spreads and many righteous warriors arrive intending to strike you down.
  1876. >You defeat a number of them, raising them from the dead to serve as zombie soldiers against the next group of paladins.
  1877. >Before you know it, you’re the new local dark wizard. All the while you’re desperately searching for any possible knowledge about your end goal.
  1878. >True Resurrection.
  1879. >Inevitably a warrior arrives who does defeat you, but you manage to escape with a risky backup plan that lands you in Equestria.
  1880. >You decide to start anew, hiding your foul magic.
  1881. >You fall in love again, marrying a peasant earth pony mare. You have foals. For a time, you are happy again.
  1882. >Then your second wife dies. Not from tragedy, but due to the inevitability of age. Your foals are all grown up and have foals of their own.
  1883. >Something broke inside of you again, and you decided this was unacceptable.
  1884. >You raise your wife’s corpse and start studying magic again. Surely in a world like Equestria, with much stronger magic, you’ll have a better chance of finding a solution? You already figured out how to stop yourself from aging decades ago.
  1885. >The use of dark magic in a pure world like Equestria is felt like a ripple, and is felt easily by those in touch with the forces of nature.
  1886. >You square of against more do-gooders, including Star Swirl the Bearded. You make a point of avoiding killing others this time. You’ve decided that death is a disease, and spreading it goes against what you want.
  1887. >So instead you rely on more traditional forms of offensive magic, bolstered by your studies of unicorn magic.
  1888. >Not long Celestia herself arrives to strike you downbas she had done so many other foul necromancers, but can't bring herself to harm a mourning stallion, no matter their species or past.
  1889. >She gets Luna to agree to using the Elements of Harmony, and you are turned into a statue.
  1890. >Having felt the touch of something so pure, and so powerful, you realized that the Elements of Harmony might be the key you’re looking for. And now all you have is time to think and plot.
  1891. >You become known as the Weeping Widow in legends.
  1892. >More than a thousand years later, after the reformation of Discord, Celestia has hope.
  1893. >If a Spirit of Chaos can turn to good, then surely this necromancer can, as well.
  1894. >The new Element bearers un-stone you, and your plan begins.
  1895. >Yoh decide to see if you have any remaining descendants in modern times, and ask Celestia for permission to use some relatively harmless blood magic to search for them. She allows it, and you discover that you’re Twilight Sparkle’s ancestor.
  1896. >She’s a curious one, and oh so gifted in magic. Yes, she’d make a fine student.
  1897. >You stay with her while you secretly put your plans into action. You let her believe that she’s slowly reforming you while you search for the necessary ingredients. You play the part of the doting, eccentric grandfather. Although it’s not all an act.
  1898. >Once you have everything you need, you slowly start to ease Twilight into learning dark magic. Her own nature as a seeker of knowledge makes it hard to resist. But it’s fine as long she doesn’t put what she learns into practice, right?
  1899. >Once they trust you enough, they allow you to help them find Sombra’s hidden research in the Crystal Empire, which also helps your goal.
  1900. >You deliberately trigger one of Sombra’s traps, showing you morbid visions of your past.
  1901. >You pretend to be driven mad again by the trap, and unleash your full necromantic might. Being honest with yourself, it did affect you more than you’d like to admit, but it only convinced you of the worthiness of this goal.
  1902. >As expected, the girls gather the Elements to stop you.
  1903. >To their surprise, you pull out a strange white gem and use it’s power to absorb the blast.
  1904. >While they’re dumbstruck, you grab Twilight and teleport back to your old hideout. You reveal your true plans to her, and she’s surprised when you show her your wife’s corpse in the hidden basement, perfectly preserved even after all this time.
  1905. >You set up the ritual, using the gem containing the stored energy of the Elements of Harmony to power it. 
  1906. >.... And it does nothing. No, it does worse than nothing. The moment it touches your wife’s corpse, she turns to dust before your very eyes.
  1907. >You shatter completely, just falling to your knees and crying over the now dust-filled casket. Why? Why didn’t it work?! You did everything right this time!
  1908. >Celestia and the rest of Elements appear, and she explains why your plan was doomed to failure.
  1909. >”The Elements of Harmony are a potent force for good, that’s true. But they also return things to their natural state. Death is a part of nature, as much as many of us may wish it wasn’t. Their power would never be able to revive the dead.”
  1910. >Of course they couldn’t. A thought crosses your mind. You ask Celestia how she deals with it. How as an immortal being, she copes with the loss of her mortal loved ones. Knowing that anyone she’s close to outside of her sister, Cadance, and most recently Twilight will die someday?
  1911. >She offers to teach you, but only if you’re genuinely willing to learn
  1912. >.... You’re tired of fighting, and you’re tired of only seeing empty husks when you try to do things your way.
  1913. >You accept. Celestia takes you back to Canterlot Castle, and shows you a hidden room of her own.
  1914. >Inside it contains an absolutely ancient looking painting, perfectly preserved with magic, of what appears to be a younger Celestia and Luna with two older mortal ponies who could only be their parents. They look happy. 
  1915. >You’re shown another painting, this time of an adult Celestia and Luna with a mortal stallion. They look happy. 
  1916. >Celestia tells you that she has more like these. The grief never truly goes away, but she finds that holding onto physical memories of those she’s loved in the past helps. The first two were commissioned, but she took the time to learn painting a millennia ago. In her rare free moments, she likes to paint the amazing mortals she’s cared about in the past, as she remembers them.
  1917. >You decide to give it a try, and to your surprise it does help, if only a little
  1926. >There is a language barrier between you and the ponies. Their language is simple enough to learn and understand, but speaking it is impossible because your vocal cords just can't make the same sounds. 
  1927. >So you understand them, but they can't understand you. Only Twilight has a good grasp on English and she can't spend all her time translating for you.
  1928. >But the magic of song is universally understood by ponies. If you sing, then they understand your words (for the most part). You even get the perk of a beautiful voice even if you didn't sing well before thanks to magic.
  1929. >The more you put your heart into a song, the more powerful the impact. In a moment of genuine depression, you muttered a few verses about missing home and made even a macho mare like Rainbow emotional. Poor Fluttershy was there too and about burst into tears.
  1930. >So you've just resigned yourself to non verbal communication unless you really need something and need to sing.
  1931. >Combine the singing with being male, tall as an alicorn, long periods of stoic (to them. They have a hard time reading your face) silence, and an exotic appearance, most ponies think of you as the equivalent to a giga elf princess. 
  1932. >Whether you like it or not, you've earned yourself more than a few admirers
  1940. >Ponies' lewd includes cuddling, wing-massages, and hoof-holding
  1941. >Anon realizes he could make a killing by selling his services as a stress-reliever
  1942. >He gets a variety of clients
  1943. >Mares who nervously reassure him that they've "never done this before" and that they "aren't that sort of mare", before realizing what they said and quietly apologizing to Anon
  1944. >They're his favourite repeat customers
  1945. >Mares who are very clearly cuddle-virgins in early adulthood who just want to get rid of their C(uddle)-card
  1946. >Anon holds them close and only charges them half-price because they're so damn cute
  1947. >High-society mares who are already waiting for him in a big comfy bed with lots of pillows and a rundown prepared for how they want to spend their time with him
  1948. >Anon gets paid extra to keep their names out of the newspapers
  1949. >A mare who looks suspiciously like Twilight with a pair of earmuffs clamped tight over her flank, blocking out all sight of her cutie mark
  1950. >Three times a week without fail
  1951. >Luckily, much like how Not-Twilight hides her identity by covering up her cutie mark, Anon just slips on a green skin-tight head mask before he meets with his clients and nopony is any the wiser.
  1960. >Anon, for reasons, doesn't get along with ponies, bar two or three (I'm thinking BonBon, because she knows Anon isn't dangerous due to her past experiences, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Applejack, though the latter is more of an annoyance he got used to due to her worries about him being an alone male, et cetera).
  1961. >Living in the Everfree, his home a cabin built in the ruins of the Old Castle, he earns a living by selling exotic things grown or built by himself.
  1962. >Rare herbs, spices, chilli peppers, foodstuffs like rice, and wood carvings, he gets a premium price for them.
  1963. >Luna and Celestia discover he's the soul grower of a rare type of chili they adore, thought extinct a thousand years ago.
  1964. >Anon's simple life becomes more complicated when nosey alicorns begin badgering him... especially when they discover he's an alone male.
  1965. >The various ''upper-crust'' and wannabes (e.g. Rarity) quickly become a nuisance, too, since his stuff must be good if the Princesses covet them
  1973. >"Anon? What would you do if I took off my shirt?"
  1974. "...Hmm?"
  1975. >"I'm not wearing a bra, so my boobs will be out. I know you like to stare at them all the time, heck, you're staring at them now--"
  1976. "Am not. I'm staring at the newspaper right there. And my cup of coffee. And the rug."
  1977. >"You are not, you silly boy. Now what would you do if my boobs were out?"
  1978. "Nothing probably."
  1979. >"But they're big enough to play with, aren't they?"
  1980. "Yeah, but I can't just go around groping girls. I was raised a bit better than that."
  1981. >"Alright, what if I say you could play with my chest? Would you?"
  1982. "..."
  1983. >"I'd sit in your lap so you'd have the best angle to do it."
  1984. "..."
  1985. >"I bet they'd spill out of your hands when you grabbed 'em." 
  1986. "..."
  1987. >"I've been putting on that cocoa butter that Rarity told me out so my skin's really soft. You could play with them all day and I bet you'd barely notice."
  1988. "Ah-huh..."
  1989. >"I wouldn't even have a problem if you started playing with my nipples. You might need to be careful if you do that though. For me, they're really sensitive."
  1990. "Interesting..."
  1991. >"See? NOW you're staring at my chest!"
  1992. "I'm staring at your chest because you're wagging your boobs in my face, Sunset."
  1993. >"My BIG, SOFT boobs."
  1994. "..."
  1995. >"Anon?"
  1996. "...Yeah?"
  1997. >"Did you know that unicorns can tell when someone's a virgin?"
  1998. "I don't know what this has to do with our conversation now but okay."
  1999. >"I think you DO know now what it has to do with this conversation."
  2000. "...I'm not a virgin, Sunset."
  2001. >"Bullshit."
  2002. "I'm not."
  2003. >"You are too."
  2004. "Am not."
  2005. >"Are too."
  2006. "Am not."
  2007. >"Are too."
  2008. "Am not.
  2009. >"Am not."
  2010. "Are too."
  2011. "I'm fucking telling you, I'm a virgin and..."
  2012. >"..."
  2013. "..."
  2014. >"..."
  2015. "I've been bamboozled."
  2016. >"Oh look! I've taken my shirt off and by big tits are hanging out in front of someone who has my permission to do whatever they want with them!"
  2017. "..."
  2018. >"I can suck a golf ball through a garden horse. I just wanted you to know that. Thigh-fucking is also my fetish, oral too."
  2020. >You reach out and grab those waiting tits.
  2021. >Fuck they are so soft.
  2022. >"They sure are soft aren't they?"
  2023. "Y-yeah. They are."
  2024. >Damn you want to suck on them so badly.
  2025. >"You can suck on them if you want to."
  2026. >She says with a smirk.
  2027. >Is she for real?
  2028. >You can't believe your luck.
  2029. >You tentatively lean in and wrap your lips around her nipple and start to suck and use your tongue to play with it too.
  2030. >A moan is your response from the bacon haired girl.
  2031. >"Mmmmm, that's nice. I wonder what else you would like to do with me big boy."
  2032. >Instantly, thoughts of all the kinky things you want to do pop into your head.
  2033. >"Oh my."
  2034. >She says with a giggle.
  2035. >"I didn't know you were into that kinda stuff."
  2036. >You freeze in place.
  2037. >Slowly you pull away from her breasts and look up at her.
  2038. >She is grinning like a Cheshire cat.
  2039. >"Did you forget I can read your mind if we're in skin to skin contact?"
  2040. >You did.
  2041. >"I know you did."
  2045. >Sunset brushes up against guys all the time
  2046. >It's usually accidental, because it's gotten a bit depressing for her.
  2047. >Often they either they recoil from her when they realize she's touching them, or the palpable negative feelings make her react like she touched a hot stove.
  2048. >Anon was different.
  2049. >She was sitting next to him.
  2050. >He was not a happy boy, this much was obvious.
  2051. >But it took only a moment before she realized he was drinking in her touch like a man dying of thirst in the desert.
  2052. >They were barely touching as it was, but he seemed to *need* it.
  2053. >He wanted to move closer, press up against her, say something, or do *anything*.
  2054. >But he was afraid.
  2055. >Afraid if he did anything, even moved, that the spell would be broken, and it would be over.
  2056. >She saw his face out of the corner of her eye, he might as well have been carved of stone for all the reaction he showed externally.
  2057. >But now she knew better.
  2058. >She just wished she knew what to do about it.
  2059. >Being privy to the maelstrom of his thoughts, made her feel like if *she* did anything, something would go wrong. That he'd panic or bolt like a startled animal
  2067. >The pressures of being a mare are many.
  2068. >The odds are stacked against them in nearly every way. They're expected to be strong, beautiful, intelligent, hard working, wealthy, and perfect. Hell, they almost need to be able to read a Stallion's mind to get everything right. 
  2069. >That's a lot to ask for a herd that you can be kicked out of at any time. 
  2070. >And Twilight is sick of it.
  2071. >The poor alicorn is jaded. As a unicorn, she was decent looking, friendly, far from poor, and gives her all in everything she does.
  2072. >It's earned her a total of 4 lifetime dates and a short stint in a herd she was kicked from. 
  2073. >Now as a princess, she has the opposite problem.
  2074. >Stallions line up to talk to her, but they're only interested in her status.
  2075. >She's sick of it all. She needs SOMEONE to vent her frustrations to.
  2076. >She doesn't want to bark up her friends trees when they already know. 
  2077. >Spike is just too young.
  2078. >And the other princesses are totally inappropriate to talk to about such things. 
  2079. >She needs someone from outside her current circle to talk to. 
  2080. >A bit of magic on a letter later, and it's off to find her a friend who can sympathize. 
  2081. >When the letter doesn't fly away, but rather just spontaneously vanishes, Twilight worries some.
  2083. ----
  2085. >When you got a letter labeled "Best friend and secret confident summoning contract" in the mail, you thought it was a prank. 
  2086. >The terms on its were simple. Either party could "magically" summon and dismiss the other whenever they wished with a ten second window to decline each time. All that was needed was a signature confirming consent.
  2087. >You chuckled and signed it, humourously hoping it was a girl DTF. When you next looked away, the letter was gone.
  2088. >Strange.
  2089. >Then you feel the strangest sensation. Ten seconds later, you poof out of existence and reappear in some weird crystal room with low ceilings.
  2090. >Right in front of a wide eyed purple unicorn-pegasus. "U-uh. Were you the one who signed?"
  2091. >...Shit.
  2100. >Her brother's kind, caring, and level headed attitude has ruined colts for Flurry. 
  2101. >He may have been smaller and weaker, but he was undisputedly the leader of their duo with his mind. 
  2102. >When the twins are old enough and start going through puberty, Flurry starts looking at colts, comparing them to what she knows best. Her own brother. 
  2103. >She doesn't like what she sees.
  2104. >They're all so ditzy and thoughtless. Handsome bodies just hide ugly insides. She's so used to Anon's behavior that normal colts seem repulsive from a romantic standpoint. 
  2105. >It's frustrating.
  2106. >Then a disgusting, but so wrongly thrilling thought passes through her head. 
  2107. >Why not just cut the crap and gun for Anonymous?
  2108. >It would just be once. Just to see. Just something temporary. That's all. 
  2109. >Fueled by raging hormones and more love than what should be siblings, Flurry feels the phantom weight of a lithe stallion mounting her in a dirty fantasy. 
  2110. >I-it would just be a few times. Nothing serious. Just something casual between them. Brothers and sisters experimenting is natural...right?
  2111. >With a gulp, Flurry already realizes that she's going down a slippery slope.
  2112. >Her efforts to turn back are half-hearted at best.
  2116. >Alicorn colt
  2117. >Celestial Sisters doing the jailbait wait till their immortal "nephew" comes of age.
  2118. Cadence isn't actually their niece, so Anon isn't actually their nephew. They just treat her like she's related because she has the Alicorn combo special.
  2120. >Be strong, Celestia
  2121. >He's too young.
  2122. >He doesn't understand what he's doing.
  2123. >He's not trying to make you hot and bothered.
  2124. >Just a few more years.
  2125. >You've waited a thousand years and more for an Alicorn Stallion, you can wait a little longer.
  2126. >Don't you dare raise your tail at him!
  2127. >Resist!
  2128. >OK, you winked at him, but he couldn't see it becuase you kept yourself covered, so it's alright.
  2129. >Just excuse yourself and take an ice cold shower.
  2130. >He doesn't mean it.
  2131. >He doesn't know what he's doing.
  2133. >He knows exactly what he's doing
  2140. >The PenPal program Twilight had joined at her teacher's behest was only meant to last six months.
  2141. >Princess Celestia had been pushing for her to socialize, and the program had been a middle-ground.
  2142. >Through letters, long conversations would not have to be held.
  2143. >Parties and outings would be a non-issue.
  2144. >And it would take only a few minutes every couple of weeks to read her PenPal's letter and jot down a response.
  2145. >Simple, easy, and with minimum detriment to her studies.
  2146. >After six months, however, Twilight did not stop.
  2147. >Her responses, planned only to be a few paragraphs, soon became a page each time, sometimes even two.
  2148. >And the letters she had only intended to skim, she would end up giving her full attention.
  2149. >Even now, when she's a princess and is surrounded by her friends, she still writes her PenPal bimonthly.
  2150. >The fact that she doesn't know who Twilight is- that she's now royalty- only makes the friendship more true.
  2151. >And is why Twilight is finally ready to meet her anonymous friend face-to-face.
  2152. >Asking for a meeting was one of the most nerve-wracking things Twilight had ever done, and she was relieved when the answer came back as an affirmative.
  2153. >After sending her PenPal a place and time, and receiving a confirmation, Twilight sat on the train platform with eager jitters.
  2155. >Anon was sitting with a smile despite being cramped in the pony-sized train compartment.
  2156. >He was finally going to meet his PenPal after all these years.
  2157. >She was his truest friend, liking him for who he was, and not for what was between his legs, as he had been sure to leave out his gender in the letters
  2165. > Celestia and Anon are soul bonded
  2167. >Anon is again at the last days of his life
  2168. >He wants to go out in a very interesting way this time. 
  2169. >No one can save him, so may as well let him have this. 
  2170. >You let go after you said your goodbyes
  2171. >You teleport with a video crystal
  2172. >You will capture the aftermath just like anon asked and show it to him later on
  2174. >You are twilight
  2175. >You want to get the elements
  2176. >How in the buck can your teacher and her lover laugh at him face planting at terminal velocity onto pavement at a school during recess be funny to them
  2179. >Celestia hadn't really considered that she would ever need to put the spells effects to the test herself.
  2180. >The latest threat to Equestria took her out in a surprise attack, before their plan fell apart.
  2181. >It took a few years, but now she was back.
  2182. >Except the entire castle was coddling her and treating her like a little filly!
  2183. >Well, she *was* technically a little filly, but there were extenuating circumstances here!
  2184. >And her family was encouraging it! And taking every opportunity to indulge themselves!
  2185. >Anon could barely stop giggling, and Luna was acting so smug at getting to be the "big" sister for once
  2187. "Anon, whats that?"
  2188. >You look over to the new decorations that adorned the wall
  2189. >Anon looks that way too
  2190. >"Oh, those... yea, the bottom ones are the faggots who executed the attack, the top one is the head cocksucker"
  2191. >You just look at anon
  2192. >"What? let's call it human tradition and leave it at that"
  2193. >You have the skulls of your enemies mounted on a wall... 
  2194. >You threatened some of the people with this, but you never followed through
  2195. "It adds a nice touch"
  2196. >"I know right. It has an added benefit of 90% less bitchy stallions during court hours"
  2202. I>Reborn as the comparatively talentless and overlooked middle child of the Sparkle family
  2204. >Twilight's family is notable for having more than one colt, and NOT having about a dozen fillies from other "failed" attempts
  2205. >they may not be twins, but having two brothers is not an uncommon fantasy for fillies (and mares) across Equestria
  2206. >she may have been legitimately autismo in grade school when she couldn't understand it, but most of her classmates asking about any "sibling bonding" she'd done with her brothers played a significant part in her isolation once she was old enough to get what they were asking
  2208. >Suck at magic.
  2209. >Not an idiot, but Twi and Shining are much smarter. 
  2210. >Focus on bodily pursuits.
  2211. >Use your mana to enhance your body rather than cast spells. 
  2212. >Full on anime levels of absurdity.
  2213. >Become pony Rock Lee, just with less bowl cuts and spandex suits
  2215. >Shining is a solid mix of power and control.
  2216. >He does things at his own pace, learning new spells as he trains others. Of course barrier magic is his specialty, but he can learn anything he puts his mind to.
  2217. >His repertoire is well rounded, standing head and shoulders over a normal unicorn.
  2219. >You have far more control than power.
  2220. >With autistic focus, you insist on totally and painstakingly mastering a spell before moving to a new one. 
  2221. >Your selection of spells is small, but they all have their power and efficiency maximized. Not a drop of your energy is wasted, and all the effects are utilized. 
  2223. >Twi has far more power than control. 
  2224. >She soaks up spells like an ever-dry sponge does water, getting the basics down to a usable level and moving on. It also helps that she has two loving brothers to teach and help her, making her growth that much more prodigious.
  2225. >Her selection of spells is as vast as the libraries she loves. 
  2227. >The Sparkle family has three distinct flavors of prodigy, two of whom are colts. 
  2228. >Your parents have to reject countless noble marriage contracts for you and Shining, and more than a few for Twilight
  2230. >Velvet and Light's face when vetoing those insufferable social climbing peers of theirs pays off.
  2231. >Their oldest gets hitched to a literal princess, now empress, and they actually love each other to boot.
  2232. >And he already gave them a grandchild.
  2233. >Their daughter got wings and became a princess the hard way.
  2234. >Their face when they suspect that Anon might be catching the eyes of the celestial sisters.
  2235. >They didn't even really *care* about social climbing, power, status, etc.
  2236. >They just wanted their children to be happy, and give them grandfoals to spoil.
  2237. >But the seething envy and impotence of the rest of the Canterlot nobility is just such an exquisite pleasure, after enduring all their backhanded compliments and passive-agressive horseshit all their life.
  2239. >Now if only they could help out their sorta kinda adopted son/grandson (It's complicated) Spike get some loving
  2241. >Mysterious Gleam, formerly Anonymous in his past life, is the middle child of the Sparkle family. 
  2242. >If Shining was the protective sibling, then you're the nurturing one. 
  2243. >When you first held your baby sister, you knew she was pure. Too pure. Too good for this world and perfect in every way. 
  2244. >When Shining joined the military, much to father's protest, ("Colts shouldn't be guards! It's wrong!") you took up the role of both protecting and nurturing your dear Twilight, and later Spike when he came into the picture. 
  2245. >Twilight's bullies quickly learned to fear you in Shining's absence.
  2246. >In terms of magic, Shining was a sword, little Twilight a sledgehammer, and you, a scalpel. Anyone who tormented Twilight learned how painful it was to nerve clusters pinched with surgical precision.
  2247. >Needless to say Twilight adores you as much as you do her. 
  2248. >Even as everyone grew up, you still doted on your sister. Her moving to Ponyville hurt, but you realize you can't watch her forever.
  2249. >Then you see next week's newspaper praising her for being instrumental in the defeat of Nightmare Moon.
  2250. >...On second thought, you CAN watch her forever. Anyone who says you have sister complex is going to get bent backwards and have their mane atomically fused to their ass. 
  2251. >You're on the first train to Ponyville with enough bits for a house the next day.
  2253. >Twilight is freaking out. 
  2254. >Earlier, Spike had unexpectedly spat out a letter with the Sparkle family seal on it.
  2255. >It read just two ominous words.
  2256. >"I'm coming."
  2257. >She knew that sharp penponyship. It could only be the younger of her two elder brothers.
  2258. >Myst is on his way. 
  2260. >A small part of her is delighted see her brother. He surely had a gentle smile and a warm cuddle ready, the sort that chases away unpleasant thoughts and can lull her to sleep even as an adult.
  2261. >The wiser part of her realizes she's got one hell of a chewing out on the way. 
  2262. >The worst is when he just stares at her, the disappointment clear in his eyes. Not even her parents could make her feel so awful. The first time he did it years ago, she broke down into a crying fit that he refused to comfort her for. 
  2263. >Normally tears would make anypony back down, but not the oddball Mysterious Gleam, with his unpony-like, almost predatory way of thinking. "I do what I do because I love you, Twilight. More than anything. This is a lesson." he says. 
  2264. >Twilight has of course cuddled with all her family members. With Shining she felt safe and shielded, like he could repel anything. With Dad, warm and loved. The sort of feeling only a father can create. Mom, content and confident. With mom's help she can do anything.
  2265. >But with Myst...
  2266. >It was like being in the arms of a bone eating giant, even if Myst is only average sized for a stallion. A terrible retribution awaited any who dared strike at her, and everyone knew it. It's what made his presence and care so wonderful, as he puts so much work into loving and defending her.
  2267. >'And no one else can have any of his affection,' a more selfish part of her preens. 'Its all mine.'
  2268. >It's also why wasting his efforts with getting hurt is so daunting. To have that sort of imposing presence bearing down on you is terrifying.
  2269. >There is a knock on the door.
  2270. >Twilight gulps and resigns herself to her fate
  2272. >After listening to Twilight ramble about how she had to risk it all to save Equestria, you finally give in with a sigh and forgive her.
  2273. >But not before you practically hold her down for a thorough grooming. Only a week away from home and she's already letting herself go. 
  2274. >Her friends walk in on the unbelievably embarrassing scene of her being assailed by floating brushes and in the middle of a tongue bath, something usually reserved for unruly or spastic children. 
  2275. >A glare from you stops their giggles dead. "So YOU'RE the ones who pressured my baby sister into danger."
  2276. >The air seems to chill.
  2277. >Welp. Nice knowing you girls, Twilight thinks to herself
  2279. >Meanwhile, the secret book fan Rainbow Dash is trying not to blush hard enough for it to be seen through her blue coat
  2280. >She's read too much of A Game of Pones and thinks she can see some parallels between two of her favourite characters, and Twilight and her brother
  2282. >No reaction at first. A normal unicorn isn't enough to warrant undue attention.
  2283. >Then they start to notice things as he walks through town.
  2284. >He's too... sure.
  2285. >A normal pony would not look so at ease at being alone in a strange place. Many ponies wouy bring a traveling companion. 
  2286. >And the way he walks. It's too fluid. Too graceful. Like a cat prowling without a care in the world, like nothing could hope to challenge him.
  2287. >Then the eyes. They're too sharp. They can FEEL his gaze, a gaze that bores into their eyes with great intensity, making even Marely Mares wilt.
  2288. >A dozen other things stick out when he's inspected, outing him as WRONG.
  2289. >No. This outsider is not normal, but neither can they just turn him away. He's done no wrong. Not yet. All they can do is give him a wide berth.
  2290. >When he matches right to the library, the home of the new town hero, everypony watching gets the feeling they'll be seeing more of the wrong stallion
  2292. >whenever anon speaks to a mare who's been messing with his sister 
  2293. >he paces back and forth in front of her
  2294. >head down like how timberwolves and manticores look when their about to pounce
  2295. >many mares get really unnerved despite being big tough ponies
  2296. >they all have this weird feeling that this unicorn is not what he seems
  2298. >the sparkle family never felt this about him
  2299. >Twilight velvet sees him her little momma's colt
  2300. >night light sees him as his precious handsome stallion
  2301. >to shining he's his ultimate bro and backup
  2302. >spike is how twilight is to shining 
  2303. >to twi, he's like a cross between her mom and shining, with all the brotherly nurturing love coupled with her mother's over protectiveness 
  2304. >for Cadence though....
  2305. >she is probably the only to realize what different about anon from the beginning
  2306. >at first he was this handsome stallion, the brother to her hubby
  2307. >next he was this unnerving presence looking at her with sharp cold eyes
  2308. >then when he finally warmed up to her, he was this stoic but loving stallion that could make her more welcome than a fish would welcome water
  2310. >Rarity and surprisingly Rainbow keep spying on you and Twi hoping for some taboo lewd like their dirty books.
  2311. >They always hears just enough that it's dirty without context. 
  2312. >When they burst in, it's nothing. Well, nothing sans a scolding from you. 
  2313. >The one time they give up and decide not to barge in is the one time you're actually doing lewd things to your sister
  2327. >Starswirl was a world changing mage
  2328. >Not because he was some powerhouse the likes of which Equestria had never seen before.
  2329. >Many unicorns could have claimed more raw power than him.
  2330. >His unique trait was that he saw the magical "rules' he was taught as more like guidelines.
  2331. >Guidelines that he poked and prodded and violated at every opportunity in his research.
  2332. >Despite his trailblazing methods making him famous, his discoveries overshadowed his methods, and soon his results became just as rigid and codified as the "rules" he once made obsolete.
  2334. >In Equestria, it is often only those who dare to challenge the status quo, to push the boundaries and defy tradition, that broaden the field of magic and discover how to do the impossible.
  2335. >For ponies, for whom the herd is everything, the urge to conform is strong indeed.
  2336. >Unfortunately, it is often only the villainous that have the will to do these things, tainting the process in the eyes of the public, and making it even rarer
  2345. >A pony's instinctive urge to herd for safety, by necessity, requires the members of a herd to be very accepting of new ponies
  2346. >In order to most effectively bind the herd together and possess safety in numbers, the most common way this manifests is platonic familial love
  2347. >That's why the mares in a stallion's herd view each other as sisters more than co-wives to their shared husband
  2348. >That's why Twilight and the other members of the mane 6 became friends so quickly; their continued survival leading up to their confrontation with Nightmare Moon required a close bond so that the would trust each other with their lives
  2349. >That's why the Cakes let a strange pink mare live in their home and play with their infant foals; Pinkie's another daughter to them, as far as their instincts are concerned
  2350. >Enter Anon
  2351. >Anon does not know this; such a bond between beings so self-evident to ponies that nopony thinks to tell him about it, let alone understand exactly what Anon is confused about
  2352. They're a lot like those professors you had in university/college that didn't understand that you didn't understand a concept
  2353. >Twilight takes care of Anon during his initial stay in Equestria
  2354. >She gives him a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and companionship
  2355. >Anon is grateful and his behaviour reflects this
  2356. >Unknown to Anon, Twilight starts to see Anon as another family member: as another brother
  2357. >Twilight's bond to Anon is known by ponies in town, seeing as how they instinctive recognize herd relationships.
  2358. >When Twilight's friends become interested in Anon, Twilight feels the urge to puff her chest up and demand to know what their intentions are with Anon
  2359. >Anon doesn't know why ponies keep going to Twilight to ask permission to court him
  2368. >Anonymous ends up like a mix between House and Doctor Strange
  2369. >He was a master of his craft and even helped the princesses from time to time
  2370. >In secret of course it wouldn't do well to let the public know that their princesses were fragile too
  2371. >In his time as the Royal Surgeon he learnt that whilst they are most certainly immortal they aren't invincible and they can still be killed in combat
  2372. >He's solved hundreds of cases both common and rare
  2373. >One time during a chariot ride to another nation to heal one of their nobles as a sign of good will his escort is struck down leaving him with a visible crack in his horn
  2374. >Whilst he is able to still perform magic he is unable to do it as well or for as long as he used to
  2375. >Due to this he's just relied on for his still keen diagnostic abilities
  2376. >However the reputation he worked so hard to make for himself is essentially stomped to dust and he's treated like he's made of glass just like in his time in medical school
  2378. >The sheer smug that Night Light and Velvet have at fancy Canterlot parties is almost tangible.
  2379. >Usually a herd will produce at least one talented foal. It's one of the big benefits of having a large family unit.
  2380. >To unicorns, Canterlot natives in particular, having at least one worthwhile progeny is a must.
  2381. >Velvet and Night Light have THREE extraordinary children as dirty monos.
  2382. >The first ever stallion Captain Commander of the Royal Guard in Shining.
  2383. >Canterlot's top surgeon and medical savant in you, Mysterious Gleam. Having your special talent be as vague as "precision" and re-creating human medical breakthroughs with magic as a crutch is kinda cheating your way to success but hey, giants and shoulders and all that.
  2384. >And the genius protege to the Goddess Princess Celestia herself in Twilight.
  2385. >Oh yes, Night and Velvet think. Tell us about YOUR children. Is whatshername still "too free a thinker" for University? Well mine is making history. Which one? Pick one! All three are!
  2386. >The smug is thick
  2396. >>32472334
  2397. > Ara Ara versions of the Elements
  2399. > Pinkie
  2400. > Occasionally babysits/babysat you while your parents are off on a date
  2401. > Pretty fun to be around, gives good hugs
  2402. > She secretly wonders if she's been partyzoned by all the stallions in town
  2403. > As you get older, she gets kinda nervous about how much you still like cuddling with her
  2404. > She tries to convince herself the jealousy she feels when mares your age talk to you is just some maternal instinct left over from when she used to babysit you
  2406. > Applejack
  2407. > After Granny passed away, Big Mac finally settled down with a mare out west
  2408. > Now it's just Applejack and Applebloom running SAA
  2409. > She may have let the house get a little messy, now that there isn't a stallion around
  2410. > It's just, there isn't much time to clean, she and her sister have a lot of trees to take care of
  2411. > For once, you play to your gender roles
  2412. > You persuade her to hire you as a housebutler
  2413. > The pay is good, and you feel an odd sense of satisfaction looking around the clean house
  2414. > Your cooking improves, and Applejack likes to joke that you'll make a fine husband for Applebloom, much to the latter's embarrassment
  2415. > Applebloom tends to stare at your sheath when she thinks you aren't looking
  2416. > It's kinda fun to tease her
  2417. > Applejack has more or less resigned herself to being a bachelorette, though she does get a little wistful sometimes
  2419. > Rainbow Dash
  2420. > Has retired from active duty as a wonderbolt, but still trains the new recruits
  2421. > Tries to be cool, lets you sip some of her cider
  2422. > Helps you train for [athletic thing]
  2423. > Introduces you to Daring Do novels, which are surprisingly good
  2424. > You like to read them at her place, cloud couches are the comfiest things
  2425. > She likes to watch you, waiting for your reaction to a scene she knows is coming up
  2426. > And well, you are rather nice to look at
  2428. > Fluttershy
  2429. > She appreciates having somepony around who loves animals as much as she does
  2430. > You help her take care of the critters, and go on little trips into the edges of the Everfree
  2431. > Fluttershy promises to protect you, puffing out her tuft slightly
  2432. > You actually feel pretty safe with her, and tell her so
  2433. > When the two of you get back from one of your trips in the forest, you like to groom her, preening her feathers and so on
  2434. > She blushes everytime you do, but she isn't about to turn down innocent affection from a young stallion
  2435. > You do not intent for your affection to remain innocent
  2437. > Twilight
  2438. > Busy with her duties as a Princess of Friendship, as well as her research projects
  2439. > You catch her attention with a particularly innovative bit of spellwork
  2440. > You were trying to recreate video games using illusion magic
  2441. > She recommends some books, and leaves you to it
  2442. > As your project comes along, she becomes more and more interested in you and your work
  2443. > Before long, you are both working on a Portal remake
  2444. > You feel a little guilty about introducing video games to an unsuspecting nerd
  2445. > You put your hoof down when she starts losing sleep to playtest the game
  2446. > She thinks it's cute when you threaten to sit on her to make sure she actually takes a nap
  2447. > Then you follow through on your threat
  2448. > She lays there, paralyzed
  2449. > There's no way Twilight can fall asleep now, she can feel the soft heat of your balls on her back
  2451. > Rarity
  2452. > She immediately knows you are interested in her
  2453. > She tries to subtly redirect your attention to Sweetie Belle
  2454. > It works, somewhat
  2455. > Sweetie Belle is rather cute, and is fun to hang out with
  2456. > You end up becoming friends with her, and visit often
  2457. > Rarity tries to avoid you when you do, though there are times when she has to stay
  2458. > Sweetie Belle picks up on your interest in her sister, and tries to help you win her over
  2459. > As a result, the three of you end up going on "outings", which invariably have some sort of romantic element to them, and each sister tries to get you and the other sister into the mood
  2468. >Be Anon
  2469. >A mob boss
  2470. >One day you had been accosted with hugs by some random pony wanting money
  2471. >She was cute, but you were on a budget and couldn't spare anything
  2472. >Then she wanted you to meet her friends
  2473. >You had nothing better to do that day
  2474. >You ended up talking to her boss in a well lit office
  2475. >You thought she was trying to get you to invest into something
  2476. >This is really starting to seem like a scam
  2477. >You told her you weren't going to invest in her whatever
  2478. >Two more mares started hugging your arms
  2479. >She asked you if you'd reconsider
  2480. >Still no
  2481. >She says she's gotta pull out the big guns
  2482. >She hugs your chest
  2483. >You just roll your eyes and go to leave
  2484. >They're shocked
  2485. >Apparently you just went through their version of water boarding without flinching
  2486. >Apparently that makes you the new boss
  2487. >Now you've got a mafia to run
  2488. >Fml
  2490. >Anon is known as the Iron Lord
  2491. >an unflappable, ruthless male that rules the criminal underworld with an iron fist, full of perfectly manicured hoof-spiders
  2492. >beautiful, and yet so very deadly
  2493. >more than one ambitious police-mare has met her end after proving to be a bit too much of an annoyance to tolerate further
  2494. >they go off on their next lead, certain that this would crack his empire wide open, but never return
  2495. >after all, how could they when they're all questioning their maresculinity after Anon turns each of them into his personal cuddle-pones, but enjoying it nonetheless
  2502. > Be Anon, guy from a significantly violent setting
  2503. > These ponies are cute, but it gets annoying when they treat you like you are delicate
  2504. > You can't wait until the Everfree spits out a threat to the town, or an army invades, or the next walking disaster comes back from their millennial imprisonment
  2505. > Then you'd show them, you'd show them all how strong and cool you are
  2506. > Yup, any day now, you'll use your crazy magic powers and save the day
  2507. > Aaany day now
  2508. > ...
  2510. > Day 113 in Equestria
  2511. > The biggest conflict so far was resolved by hugging it out, followed by a sleepover
  2512. > You go on hunting trips, but it's not the same
  2513. > The yellow one gave you a list of monsters you aren't allowed to kill, but you can fight
  2514. > The concept is insane, monsters you shouldn't kill?
  2515. > But when you found one, it was friendly
  2516. > And the Manticore is a decent sparring partner
  2517. > ...
  2519. > Day 371 in Equestria
  2520. > Ponies are talking about a new golden age of peace, "The Age of Friendship and Love", in honor of the new princesses
  2521. > That's... good, you suppose
  2522. > You've always fought for peace, among other things
  2523. > But you can feel yourself getting soft
  2524. > Worse, you're going native
  2525. > You actually enjoy spa trips, a time where you can just forget all your worries and exist in the perfect moment
  2526. > Then there was what happened the other day
  2527. > Some mare made a vulgar proposition to one of your stallion friends
  2528. > You didn't congratulate him, or even tease him about it later
  2529. > No, you actually scowled at the mare until she got the hint
  2530. > You don't hint! That's not what you do!
  2531. > That sent you into a funk, which your friends picked up on immediately
  2532. > They took you drinking, and managed to get you to tell them about how you felt
  2533. > They told you that they really value both your restraint, and your toughness
  2534. > That you might not be slaying monsters, but you were still a good protector
  2535. > It felt good to hear that, that validation
  2536. > Maybe you can still be you, and also adapt to this world
  2544. >Soldier innaquestria
  2545. >does some mental gymnastics and comes to the conclusion that he has to protect the ponies from the dirty commies
  2546. >wakes up before Celestia every day, does his unapproved PT, and then begins his rounds
  2547. >patrols the border of the Everfree from dawn till dusk, every day
  2548. >whenever he's asked, he responds that those damn dirty communist critters were about to attack, any day now
  2549. >aaany second now...
  2550. >the ponies aren't quite sure what to make of Mister Doe
  2551. >at first the sight of a colt, alien as he may be, strutting about like a guard was funny
  2552. >and the way he acted, as if an attack was always around the corner, was more than amusing as well
  2553. >but as the days turn to weeks, and the weeks into months, ponies begin to worry
  2554. >well, worry more
  2555. >he's still out there, patrolling
  2556. >he won't stop, no matter what anyone tries to do
  2557. >hell, he even apparently kept patrolling even after running out of food
  2558. >if Fluttershy hadn't seen him swiping food from her various stocks for her animals, there's a chance no one would've noticed at all
  2559. >needless to say, Applejack and a few other concerned residents practically packed his "guard post" full of food after that
  2560. >but now, even after making sure he's well-fed, many ponies can't help but wonder
  2561. >just what happened to make a colt like this, and how can they make sure it never happens again?
  2569. >When getting together with a Princess, Celestia for instance, the practice is not for a royal herd where Luna and the other alicorns all join in.
  2570. >Instead, it would be some of her staff offered herd positions.
  2571. >Like Raven, her secretary/aide.
  2572. >A favored bodyguard.
  2573. >One or more of her personal hoofmaidens.
  2574. >etc.
  2576. >bringing a close friend/ally into a relationship that would bring them even closer
  2577. >While also honoring them to be part of the princesses herd
  2578. >Most noble unicorns are descended from one of Celestia's herds tho none are directly hers since she cant seem to get knocked up
  2581. >The princesses normally cannot be impregnated
  2582. >Cadence notwithstanding. Flurry's conception was wild love magic that can't be actively replicated. 
  2583. >You are somehow lucky enough to herd with Celestia or Luna. Even being unique, that's like winning the lottery. Then with your approval, a herd of mares trusted by your alpha slowly builds. Talk of foals never come up because they all know they can't breed with an alien. It's a double edged sword, being invited to this particular Royal herd.
  2584. >Your Princess is saddened that shes not on the path to being a herd mother again, but makes no mention of it. Thoughts of her own foals don't even come up anymore.
  2585. >You don't note that, but you do note when your Princess's estrus rolls around. She's the first in the herd's estrus rotation.
  2586. >Chalk it up to pheromones, the primal need to breed, or whatever, but god damn you're putting a baby in the beautiful creature writhing under you. 
  2587. >The first satisfying estrus she's had in ages passes. 
  2588. >Then a few weeks later, she awakens feeling ill, something beyond unusual for an alicorn.
  2589. >Luckily, her personal medic is in the herd and can screen her right there.
  2590. >The medic mare's face screws up in shock when the results of her scan spell pop up.
  2591. >The princess is... pregnant... which should be impossible. 
  2592. >A 2nd and 3rd scan get the same results.
  2593. >Everyone in the herd bed turns to you.
  2594. "Uhh. I meant to do that?"
  2595. >Your Princess laughs, clear and full of joy even as tears run down her cheeks
  2598. >Be Anon.
  2599. "So... you've been in a herd before?"
  2600. >"Yes, twice." She says with a nod.
  2601. >You think on this for a bit.
  2602. "So that means you've... you know."
  2603. >She glances away for a bit with a blush.
  2604. >"Well, no." She says confusing you.
  2605. >Celestia takes notice of this and sighs.
  2606. >"They... couldn't reach."
  2607. "What?"
  2608. >"My little ponies are, well short. Being a mare of my size made it basically impossible for them to mount." She says standing up straight so you can see her height. "Cadence got lucky and had a child while she's still near regular pony size."
  2609. >You snicker at bit at the thought of a short lil stallion trying to jump up to reach Celestia.
  2610. "What about belly to belly, or something?"
  2611. >"How would rubbing bellys together do anything for procreation?"
  2612. "No, I mean like, you riding the male."
  2613. >She looks slightly disgusted.
  2614. >"Anonymous, I know alicorns are a mix of all three races, but I'll have you know we stay female and don't get a c-"
  2615. "NO! Like he lays down on his back and you ride him."
  2616. >Now she just looks confused.
  2617. >"Anon, do you not know how procreation works?" She ask looking a bit saddened and slightly excited.
  2618. >You sigh and give up.
  2620. >Giving up like a bitch.
  2622. "Look, let me show you, i'll lie down here and then you sit on my crotch, yeah just like that."
  2623. >"Anon this couldn't possibly work, stop teasing me."
  2624. "Imagine this position without my pants."
  2625. >"..."
  2626. "..."
  2627. >"...I am a very silly pony."
  2628. "You're my silly pony."
  2636. >Anon is hideously ugly by pony standards.
  2637. >As in ‘throw mud on his face and it would be an improvement’ ugly.
  2638. >Needless to say he does not have a good time in Equestria even as a member of the fairer sex.
  2639. >The only work he can find is as a member of a traveling circus’s freak show.
  2640. >There he manage to find some solace in the friendship of fellow outcasts.
  2641. >An albino changeling, a hairless stallion, a dwarf zebra mare, a pair of conjoined twin minotaur sisters, a three winged pegasus, and many other such oddities.
  2642. >Years of being told he’s an ugly monster by normal ponies combined with an already low self-esteem and a poor track record with the opposite sex back on Earth have left Anon resigned to the idea that he’ll die alone romantically.
  2643. >He’ll just take what little happiness he can get from friendship.
  2644. >The circus ends up performing in the Crystal Empire for the first time, with Princess Cadance and Shining Armor themselves in attendance.
  2645. >Cadance is horrified, not by Anon’s appearance, but by the sheer amount of loneliness and resignation to it radiating from him.
  2646. >As the Princess of Love, she cannot let this stand.
  2647. >Especially because she can sense that a few of his fellow freaks have hidden feelings for him that they don’t act on due to their own feelings of shame and self-loathing.
  2648. >Time to play match maker again
  2657. >Be Anon
  2658. >You often spend most of your time with Twilight and her friends
  2659. >You feel more comfortable around them than you do around girly stallions
  2660. >Despite knowing that Twilight still insists that you make some stallion friends
  2661. >It got so annoying that you ended up going out with Big Mac and his group just to get her off your back
  2662. >It was just as horrible as you thought it would be
  2663. >But it did get her off your back
  2664. >Until she noticed that you'd only gone out with them once
  2665. >Then she was back on your case
  2666. >After that you started a long vetting process
  2667. >A list that included all the stallions in Ponyville
  2668. >You were going to find one that you could stand or die trying
  2669. >Finally you found someone
  2670. >A stallion who didn't act like a typical stallion
  2671. >A stallion who you could hang out and shoot shit with
  2672. >A stallion who wouldn't nag you about 'proper table manners'
  2673. >And you found yourself actually liking the time you spent with him
  2674. >Twilight noticed that you were gone more and more often
  2675. >When it was revealed that you finally found someone you could hang with she demanded to meet them
  2676. >This is it
  2677. >This would finally get her off your back
  2678. >Set up a meeting for Friday
  2679. >Your usual hang days
  2680. >Literally
  2681. >Twilight is pacing nervously, waiting for the knock at the door
  2682. >Instead she's greeted by fanfare and a mini-parade
  2683. >"Why Twilight, I'm so honored that you'd want to make a good impression on lil' ol' me!"
  2684. >You give your bro a brofist
  2685. "Wassup Discord?"
  2693. >Although rare, every dozen or so years a human is displaced into Equestria through a freakish ''one-in-a-million'' chance.
  2694. >No matter what the Princesses do or try, every human who is displaced dies between a month to a year at the most, growing sickly and weak.
  2695. >There's no pattern to the illness, no unifying symptoms.
  2696. >One degenerated over time as though they had aggressive cancer, while another just vomited blood one day, their heart stopping despite being in perfect health.
  2697. >After heartbreak after heartbreak of trying to keep them alive and failing, the Princesses resign themselves to making their time in Equestria as peaceful or joyous as possible, or they distance themselves on purpose, not wanting the pain.
  2698. >Anon arrives, and inwardly they wilt.
  2699. >Another one to add to the memorial/tomb in the Royal Garden, Celestia thinks.
  2700. >She sends him to Ponyville, setting him up with a small home and stipend.
  2701. >She also asks Twilight to send word when he finally passes, so she can collect the body.
  2702. >But a year passes, and he's fine.
  2703. >And another year.
  2704. >And another...
  2705. >Having pushed him out her mind, she's shocked to see him alive and well during a casual visit to Ponyville.
  2706. >He's even working in a physically-intensive job, despite the mares' objections of a stallion working in such roles.
  2707. >A spark of hope ignites in her heart, and she steeles her nerve, wanting to get to know him.
  2708. >Anon's baffled at why Celestia, who was so cold to him before, now wants to befriend him.
  2709. >And suspicious.
  2711. >Background magic radiation is what was killing the humans.
  2712. >The magic was just too much too fast. It caused unstable mutations in the humans, killing them.
  2713. >But for some reason Anon is fine. Why?
  2714. >Then Twilight's research bears fruit.
  2715. >She discovers that the background magic was causing harm in Anon, but the amount he absorbs drops dramatically around her, especially when she indulges in snuggles with him. 
  2716. >Her own powerful magic field is what is doing it. It's pushing away the largly chaotic background magic while giving him a small enough dose of calmer magic that he's building a tolerance. 
  2717. >The solution to saving humans is having an alicorn (or nother powerful pony) coddle and cuddle them. No joke
  2724. >Anon is sleepy
  2725. >so sleepy that, compared to the constantly-wired state of the ponies, he is diagnosed with horse-narcolepsy
  2726. >he doesn't actually have an issue, he's just fucking tired
  2727. >but no matter how many times he tells the ponies that, they just keep treating him like he's liable to pass out at any moment
  2728. >even Rarity donated one of her fainting couches to Anon, enchanted to always be available, and to carry him back home if he falls asleep, so no perverted mares can take advantage of him
  2729. >Anon isn't quite sure what to think about the situation as a whole, but there is one thing he can be sure of
  2730. >its one damn comfy couch
  2737. >Anon is nearly a wizard
  2738. >He's not hideous or an asshole, but he has some serious confidence/self-esteem issues that kept him from getting his dick wet
  2739. >He's brought to the Celestial courts in order to meet with the Princesses in an official capacity
  2740. >Celestia looks up from her ledger to look at him
  2741. >Her ears perk up
  2742. >Her eyes dilate
  2743. >Her breath hitches and she starts breathing heavier
  2744. >Finally, Celestia gets out of her throne and, to the shock of Twilight and her friends, saunters over to Anon
  2745. >"Hey there, green bean. I've got an endless supply of bits, an empty castle where NOPONY can hear us, and an afternoon to burn. How's about you an' me get to know each other a little bit better?"
  2746. >Celestia's approach is flawed and assumes that Anon is an air-head who would be swayed with shopping money, and Twilight is momentarily outraged at how sexist her mentor is being
  2747. >Not that Anon notices - he's too busy being incredibly confused and strangely aroused by the nice horse who has decided to hit on him
  2748. >Celestia finds it adorable when Anon starts making confused human noises
  2756. >Be Anon
  2757. >You were a pre-school teacher for a time before you landed in Equestria
  2758. >Now you work as a teacher's assistant to Cheerilee
  2759. >It pays surprisingly well
  2760. >Guess ponies realize the value of teachers here
  2761. >One day is Parent's Day where everypony has a paternal figure (or a sibling) come in to class with them
  2762. >Notice Scootaloo doesn't have anypony with her
  2763. >At the end of the day you offer to walk her home
  2764. >She agrees happily
  2765. >You two walk together and you listen to her ramble idly about whatever's on her mind
  2766. >Eventually you're standing outside of the Ponyville orphanage
  2767. >That's when it clicks
  2768. >You wave her off before determinedly making your way towards the library
  2769. >You've got to look into the laws regarding adoption in Equestria
  2777. Beware getting too close to an Equestrian mare. They have special glands in their chests that secrete a very powerful pheromone that will leave even the most hearty males senseless.
  2779. Mares are known to press males faces against their furry chest's if they get too close so they may drag him off to places unknown.
  2781. For unknown reasons, this pheromone seems to work very well on human men, and as such men should pay particular attention whilst around mares, be they of any of the three races.
  2783. --Equestrian foreign affairs
  2785. >Celestia meets anon.
  2786. >Mine.parchment.
  2787. >Casually asks if he wants a hug.
  2788. >When he agrees she rears up and wraps her forelegs around him, smushing him into her floof.
  2789. >Anons last coherent thought for a while is how soft and warm she is.
  2790. >Goes full "Cat on catnip" on her fluff
  2796. >Celestia's so focused on friendship in her old age because she was never able to make any of her own when she was young
  2797. >by the time she actually learned how to keep her spaghetti contained, she was already a princess and people were lining up to suck up to her
  2798. >promotes friendship so hard so that the "mistakes of the past won't be repeated"
  2799. >she actually says it like that, too
  2800. >out of the two princesses, most assumed Luna would be the melodramatic one
  2801. >not Celestia
  2802. >but then again, how long can that melodrama last now that she's a mother?
  2803. I've completely lost track of what I was going with this
  2811. >Anon ends up in Equestria and realizes that he can use magic
  2812. >Turns out the appendix is a left-over organ from when Earth had magic
  2820. >Be Akhonymous the Quasi-Infinite, Necrontyr Overlord under Phaeron Hiron of the Four Quads Dynasty
  2821. >Trazyn got the Infinite title first, fuck that guy 
  2822. >Your slaves just finished polishing your frame your bitchin overlord frame
  2823. >Yes slaves, because you're a newcron and you can have slaves
  2824. >You just got pulled through a random temporal rift and arrived on what seems to be horseland.
  2825. >Their society works like the Orks, "Biggest is strongest"
  2826. >They're sentient and have tech to boot but you can't really compare it to yours because haha, you finished science
  2827. >They seems to have magic similar to the warp but fundamentally different, yes it can be influenced by "feelings" but not to the extent of the warp. So no Chaos gods HAHA!
  2828. >You're beginning to like this place already. You hope the flayed ones don't find this place.
  2829. "Twilight, Apprentice or not I don't want to take Anon's crystal shit anymore."
  2830. >Did the pink and purple pony just say 'crystal shit'
  2831. >I hope it's some kind of new creature not, Silent king forgive me for uttering the word, an Aeldari 
  2832. >It'd be best if you observe them from now before phasing in Gauss blazing
  2841. >Anon lands in Equestria
  2842. >Has trouble finding a decent job, so he turns to writing 
  2843. >He's been around long enough to notice how many more mares there are than stallions, but hasn't figured out the gender roles yet
  2844. >He decides to write a cheesy romance novel, expecting it to sell like hotcakes
  2845. >He'll even have a girl pen name to appeal to them more, something like Glitter Pen or something
  2846. >Reviews comes out the week after it is published, most of them condemning the book for encouraging coltish, beta-mare behavior and improper morals for proper stallions
  2847. >It still became the #1 best seller; everyone has a copy but won't admit it
  2854. >Nightmare Moon clings to life and manifests a weak body when she can. She's little more than a confused shade and will take a few more weeks to totally build her strength.
  2855. >Celestia, Luna, and the elements spend several weeks trying to track the disoriented Nightmare, who takes a winding path to Ponyville. 
  2856. >When she's totally formed, she finally makes it to Anon's home for that tearful reunion.
  2857. >Only for the princesses and elements to show up, ready to blast her again.
  2858. >Anon blurts the first thing he can to stop them.
  2859. "Stop! She's pregnant and you'll hurt the foal!"
  2860. >And like magic, it stops them dead in their tracks. Even with RGR and their opponent being an evil alicorn, striking a pregnant mare is still a huge no-no. 
  2861. >She's not pregnant, but Nightmare plays along.
  2862. >Baby defense. Works every time. 
  2863. >They're reluctantly forced to be lenient, instead having a semi-permanent watcher for Nightmare.
  2864. >And to complete the ruse, Nightmare actually has to be pregnant. 
  2865. >It's a less distressing thought than she expected
  2868. >You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
  2869. >And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
  2870. >The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
  2871. >The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
  2872. >You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
  2873. >You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
  2874. >A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
  2875. >That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
  2876. >Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
  2877. >It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
  2878. >Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
  2879. >Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
  2880. >Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
  2881. >Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
  2882. >It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
  2883. >Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
  2884. >With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
  2885. >Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
  2886. >Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are
  2894. >Fluttershy is one of the few ponies that doesn't treat Anon like glass.
  2895. >Instead, she treats him like how she would a very large ape.
  2896. >Considers how an ape would react when dealing with him.
  2897. >Body language, etcetera.
  2898. >When she sees Anon becoming increasingly irritated, she tries to warn her friends.
  2899. >A rampaging silver-back was a terrifying thing, after all.
  2901. >She stamps her hoof in frustration.
  2902. >"Ooh, can't they see the signs that Mr Anon is about to go coocoo!"
  2904. >Only trouble is that humans aren't apes.
  2905. >Sure, we're related, but the differences are like that to a dog and a wolf, or a chimpanzee and a marmoset.
  2906. >Thus, Anon is baffled by how odd Fluttershy sometimes acts.
  2913. >Pinkie is affectionate with Anon
  2914. >Not coming from an RGR society, Anon is rather pleased to be on the receiving end of hugs from Pinkie Pie, rather than thinking she's being weird and/or a potential rapist like stallions might
  2915. >Ponies think that he and Pinkie are a couple
  2916. >Pinkie does nothing to disprove the rumours
  2921. > Be Anon working at Sugarcube Corner
  2922. > Trixie walks in, and you brace for bad pick up lines and blatant solicitation
  2923. > Instead, she just orders the Saturday special muffin and slumps off into a booth
  2924. > Eventually, you check on her
  2925. > "Anon, I think I am a goddess."
  2926. > She says this tiredly, without a trace of her usual arrogance
  2927. > She proceeds to tell you about how she's been looping through today more times than she can count
  2928. > You recognize the groundhog day scenario, and offer advice about helping others and such
  2929. > Trixie is intrigued about her life resembling human art, and agrees to give it a try
  2930. > She leaves with more pep in her step
  2931. > Over the course of your shift, you hear about good things she had done in town
  2932. > As you go to bed, you hope Trixie gets the same sort of ending as the movie
  2933. > The next morning, you start your shift and start on the Sunday Specials
  2934. > Pinkie Pie stops you, giggling
  2935. > "Silly, It's Saturday, not Sunday!"
  2936. > What does it mean, that you are now looping?
  2939. I would really enjoy this story if Anon started off his Sunday and that began to loop instead. So his advice to Trixie and her doing good things/becoming a better pony altogether, would actually happen and have impact.
  2940. It should end with a pony helping Anon in a way he didn't think about, the looping passing onto them.
  2941. >And then Celestia is like "Not this again."
  2944. >Trixie tried to woo Anon just before the loops started
  2945. >that is, she tried it in her usual manner
  2946. >demanding he drop his pants and make her a sandwich, or something to that effect, of course
  2947. >got her shit slapped, but went about her day, largely forgetting about it
  2948. >but when she woke up the next day only to find that no time had passed, she figured that it must be some human curse
  2949. >tried to get him to undo it
  2950. >problem is, she was looking pretty fucking crazy, screaming at a cashier to undo the curse he had put on her
  2951. >more than once, she went to sleep in a padded cell, or just a regular old cell
  2952. >eventually realized that a subtler approach might be required
  2953. >started to spend time with him
  2954. >but there's only so much time that can be spent in a single (if repeating) day
  2955. >started to direct the conversations into different topics over the course of several loops
  2956. >learned more and more about him
  2957. >and eventually, "intelligence gathering" started to become "dates"
  2958. >but again, there's only so much time in a day
  2959. >and did it matter how perfect that day was, if only she remembered it the next?
  2960. >this broke her, and on that loop, she told her story to Anon
  2961. >even as she confesses to him, she doubts that it would truly matter in the end
  2962. >and with that, she heads out to follow his advice, if only for the novelty of it
  2963. >so, what is Anon to do when he wakes up to find he is not only in his own loop, but a boisterous Trixie confirming he may be at the start of it all, even for her?
  2964. basically, Anon knows Trixie likes him, and has to walk her through her own realization and character development via the story told to him by her future self
  2972. >Anon had a villain phase, then switched to a hero phase when his daughters were born.
  2973. >Have to be a good example, you know?
  2974. >One of them is growing up well, and will be a functional member of society one day.
  2975. >That's more than he could ever ask.
  2976. >Problem is, one of his daughters found out about his past, and she absolutely idolizes him (from the past).
  2977. >She's constantly trying to get him to return to his old ways.
  2978. >Always trying to bring upon an eternal [something] upon the ponies.
  2979. >Recently she's settled on [night], after discord took [candy storm]
  2980. >She's also been calling herself Nightmare Moon.
  2981. >Good name, but her MO could use some work.
  2982. >Well, if things get bad, he could always give her a time out to the moon
  2989. >Normally Fluttershy has anxiety issues, and stallions almost make it crippling. 
  2990. >But not with you.
  2991. >You don't look like a stallion, don't act like a stallion, and don't smell like a stallion.
  2992. >Fluttershy can acknowledge that you're male, but subconsciously it doesn't click. She can speak and act around you without issues. She cozies up to you without her usual hangups, even going further than a mare should because she's so comfortable. It even seems weird to your dense self, but you're not going to push the attention of a beautiful female away. 
  2993. >The other mares around town wonder when meek Fluttershy suddenly kicked her game into high gear.
  3002. >Anon gets a letter in the mail from a Zebrican princess who wants to visit him to see if he's worthy of becoming a prince
  3003. >Anon thinks this is silly bullshit and replies "sure, go ahead"
  3004. >A month or two later, a zebra shows up at his house, and Twilight confirms that she is a princess of an obscure line of Zebrican royalty
  3005. >She seems to have only taken a passing glance at a "Zebra>Pony" dictionary
  3006. >Goes into his house and refuses to leave
  3007. >Something something RGRE
  3014. >In a post estrus-sex haze, Rainbow's instincts take over.
  3015. >She absently makes a nest out of clothes and blankets, then insistently urges you to get in with her and cuddle.
  3016. >Once you're finally in, she fluffs up, coos a short song like a dove, and finally falls asleep.
  3017. >You have no idea what happened, but it was cute as hell. 
  3018. >Then you recount the episode to a shocked Twilight, who says it was a mating ritual as binding as marriage and by getting in the nest with her, you agreed. 
  3019. >Huh... That's quite a jump from just dating...
  3020. >Then Rainbow starts catching flak when others learn you had no idea what you were getting into, them saying she took advantage of you. 
  3021. >And taking the choice away from a stallion is a big no-no. 
  3022. >But you clearly recall that she was too blissed out to be in control of herself. She didn't do it on purpose, but in a show of double standards, the others don't care.
  3023. >You and Rainbow find yourselves suddenly married and at the center of a brewing shitstorm.
  3024. >Why can nothing be easy?
  3033. >ywn sit by your mare's side all day to keep her calm while her broken leg mends
  3034. >"A-Anon, sweetie," whimpers Rainbow Dash, "I know y-you're a brave colt, but you d-don't have to do this."
  3035. >She paws anxiously at her cast, distractedly peering around the room and staring into dark corners.
  3036. >Christ, she looks exhausted.
  3037. >With dark bags under her eyes and that droop in her wings, the way she's too terrified to get any real sleep is showing
  3038. >"The loyalty you're showing makes me s-so proud of you, but I don't want you to d-die with me!"
  3039. >You sigh tiredly and reach out to scratch her ears.
  3040. >Your marefriend collapses into your side and begins to sob gently.
  3041. >You can feel her shivering against you.
  3042. "Shh..." you coo, "Get some sleep, love. I'll be here the entire time, okay?"
  3043. >Rainbow Dash whimpers, but keeps her eyes shut.
  3044. >A few minutes later, her whimpering dies down and her body stills
  3045. >A loud, horsey whinny (contrary to what you would expect) calms you down and puts your mind at ease.
  3046. >Hopefully she'll get more than an hour or two of sleep this time.
  3047. >Thank Celestia your little songbird is so damn good at napping, or else she'd be delirious from sleep deprivation by this point.
  3048. >This is going to be a long couple of weeks
  3056. >you are Clean Quill, and today is your first day at magic school
  3057. >you couldn't be more excited, you are finally gonna learn all the cool tricks that your sister and your mom do
  3058. >you're gonna be the very best, like no unicor ever was 
  3059. > and the cookie jar will never be safe again
  3060. > maybe they will know why you hear so many voices in your head 
  3064. >All the teacher talk about was how not to cast spells
  3065. >because “you are gonna hurt yourselfs”
  3066. >and “ little colts should think about rainbows and princes, leave the magic to the fillis”
  3067. >they already turn their teacher into a plant
  3068. >this is dump, the teacher didn't even know where the voices where coming from
  3069. >he call you silly, SILLY
  3070. >this was a fraud, i want my nap time back!
  3078. Magicless Anon prompt
  3079. >Twiggles is talking to Anon about what humans can do without magic and how human ancestors got by
  3080. >He tells her they had sentience while all other animals didn't
  3081. >She asks if there are any other natural human traits
  3082. >Anon tells her that bites from humans get infected if they brake skin
  3083. >He neglects to tell her this really only happens with other humans
  3084. >She starts thinking humans are venomous or something like that
  3085. >She starts acting very cautious around him
  3086. >She don't want bites
  3087. >Other mares ask what's with her
  3088. >She tells other poners that Anon is venomous
  3089. >Distressed ponertown
  3097. Reports of the Everfree monster population suddenly dipping reach Luna.
  3098. >In the days of old, it fell on her and her batponies to actively keep monsters at bay, so she assumes somepony must be the one responsible.
  3099. >Since her duties are still few, she takes off to find the source of the monster culling, leaving a note for her sister.
  3100. >After a few invigorating days of roughing it, she finally finds the epicenter of the population drop.
  3101. >And she's stunned. 
  3102. >A bipedal creature she's never seen before stands before the carcass of a cockatrice, casually carving it up and salting the meat for later.
  3103. >Nothing hunts cockatrice, though... How?
  3104. >The clearning she's found herself in smells of male so strongly her nose tingles. 
  3105. >It must be male, but the visage of a warrior born is what she truely sees. Hard eyes, muscle built for purpose, the standing of a noble with the savagery of a beast. The spear she recognizes, but the alien weapons slung across his back and at his hip are totally new.
  3106. >Longing overtakes the moon princess as she remembers the stallions of old, how the move even society produced warriors most excellent from both genders.
  3107. >Now...
  3108. >Luna's thoughts are cut off when the creatures eyes suddenly shoot to her, somehow bypassing her illusion cloak spell.
  3109. >She lowers herself, ready to pounce as she rapidly considers her options. 
  3110. >She gulps, feeling her mouth water when some of the options are impure.
  3111. >She doesn't have to hurt him. And it's been so long since...
  3113. >You are Anonymous, devout /k/ommando.
  3114. >You're finally getting to live your SHTF fantasy in what looks like a fantasy world, which is rad, but you admit it's getting lonely.
  3115. >But it looks like you have a new challenger.
  3116. >You've seen the flying ponies overhead, but never up close.
  3117. >The winged and horned horse is posed to pounce.
  3118. >It's eyes say "I want to fight."
  3119. >But the butt wiggle and flagging tail say "I want to fuck."
  3120. >You just carefully watch.
  3121. >Hell, it's been so long... If it's female you'll oblige
  3130. >Be Celestia.
  3131. >You heard rumors of Twilight capturing a new species.
  3132. >When you heard about this and came to check you weren't expecting... THIS.
  3133. >Inside of a rather cushioned cage is a rather pleased looking ape creature.
  3134. >More specifically, a human from old equss mythology.
  3135. >Around it's area you can't help but notice some rather full containers filled with a sticky white substance.
  3136. >It doesn't take a genius to add the happy looking male and the white subatomic to figure out what's going on.
  3137. >What does surprise you is who is executing such a mission.
  3138. >"It's to rescue a endangered species princess I swear!" Twilight says with a full on blush. "I had to get a sample and some pheromones to lure a female!"
  3139. "And did you ever think of asking the creature before you executed such a task?"
  3140. >She looks at you like you grew another head.
  3141. >"What? Of course no-"
  3142. >"I'm cool with this~" The drowsy looking male says a smile still on it's face.
  3143. >Twilight looks at it in surprise before looking back at you with pure horror.
  3144. >"I-I didn't k-know it could talk! I swear!"
  3151. >Anon AI is just a screen with a green background and a black question mark
  3152. >When asked about what humans look like he brings up the trillions of collected images that contain human faces in a few seconds
  3153. >When they ask what he looks like he initially intends to pass off his question mark as his only image
  3154. >But then something in the back of his subroutines stops him
  3155. >All the memory of the times the crew he looked over referred to him as if he was another of their species runs through his primary processors and he falls silent
  3156. >He doesn't talk for another week
  3157. >One day when they enquire at the main computer like before a new face shows up
  3158. >A human figure with green skin and a question mark where his usual faces would be and the very top of a simple suit are seen
  3159. "Statement: I hope I did not worry you during my absence."
  3161. also I like to imagine AI Anon refers to his old crew as "his humans" and finds a kindred spirit in Celestia
  3168. >Anon in RGREqG
  3169. >Encounters Sunset
  3170. >Sunset still exhibits horsey behaviour
  3171. >Likes to cuddle Anon
  3172. >Nuzzles his face
  3173. >Gets wet as fuck from belly rubs
  3174. >Keeps shoving his face in between her breasts in lieu of rubbing her scent onto him via her (now non-existent) chest tuft
  3175. >Her slight over-protectiveness of him is adorable, and Anon will never forget the sight of Sunset decking some chick in the jaw when she walked up to Anon and grabbed his dick through his pants
  3176. >Something something RGRE
  3182. >>Crashlanding in Equestria with ship waifu when?
  3184. >She might have fibbed a little bit about the crashlanding thing.
  3185. >It was more of a landing made rough on purpose.
  3186. >She was an Equestrian creation, and she wanted you to see her homeworld.
  3187. >The ship won't take that long to be made spaceworthy again.
  3188. >Especially considering you're immortal now. What's a few decades to eternity?
  3189. >She could probably take off right now if she really wanted to. But she wants to hang out for a while.
  3190. >She wants you to make some friends, and meet the folks.
  3191. >She might not technically have parents, but Luna is her Creator.
  3192. >There's just one teeny tiny little issue.
  3193. >When she stole you from another reality and another time, there was a bit of cosmic backlash.
  3194. >Luna does not remember making her, nor does she or Equestria yet possess the knowledge and skills to do so. And won't for quite some time
  3202. >Celestia hasn't had a lover for many centuries
  3203. >It's not because ponies aren't interested in her
  3204. >She probably gets hundreds of suitors every year
  3205. >Being a Princess does that
  3206. >The problem is that she can't bring herself to date one of her little ponies
  3207. >They're all like children to her, and dating one of your children is weird
  3208. >The other races are all too scared of her to even consider attempting to woo her
  3209. >So she's resigned herself to be alone for the rest of her (un)natural life.
  3210. >That is, until a strange ape-like creature shows up out of nowhere
  3211. >He's not one of her little ponies so she doesn't think of him as her child, and he's not scared of her like the other races
  3212. >Now she just has to figure out how to woo this strange stallion
  3213. >It doesn't help that he's from a completely different world and she's been out of the dating game since before she became an alicorn
  3221. >A pony can shake off a piano landing on their heads thanks to cartoon physics
  3222. >Anon is a normal human who does not have this sort of immunity to conventional injury
  3223. >Anon receives an injury on his arm that would normally cause a a pony to receive a comically-large bump or welt to form on their body wherever it was they were hit
  3224. >Thing is, the impact nearly cracks the bone and a terrified group of Anon's friends rush him to the horsepital
  3225. >Ponies are especially worried when Anon does not immediately tear off his bandages or the cartoonish, larger-than-strictly-necessary cast and proclaim that he's healed
  3226. >Twilight nearly has a panic attack and almost refuses to let Anon leave her castle when he brings up in conversation that an impact that would sent a pony flying harmlessly into a wall (resulting in a pony-shaped hole in said wall) would likely either kill him or leave him severely injured
  3227. >At this point, Anon's friend's concerns have more to do with how he is apparently a delicate, beautiful porcelain doll; the reversed gender roles only make them worry more
  3228. >"Heck, Twi, I'd think twice about lettin' Anon outta the house even if he were a mare, given how got-dang fragile he is. But what sorta mare lets a poor stallion out on their own when even the tiniest clay pot landin' on his head just might make him kick the bucket? Not one whose mama raised her right, that's for sure."
  3229. >Anon's friends are convinced that he'd become hysterical if he ever found out the extent of how dangerous the world is for him, and so they make up excuses on the fly for them to be around him whenever he leaves his house for any meaningful amount of time
  3231. "Pinkie Pie, please get off of me."
  3232. >"A-Am I hurting you?!"
  3233. "What? No, it's just weird. I mean, you're soft and warm, but why are you hanging onto me?"
  3234. >"What do you mean, Anon? It's national 'hug a human' day today, and I wanna do it properly! I swear, I'm not some sort of creepy mare looking for an excuse to touch you."
  3242. >Dash just asked you to play some beach volleyball.
  3243. >Why not, might be fun.
  3244. "Sure, whose side am I on?"
  3245. >You ask while standing up and stretching.
  3246. >" You can be on Sunset's team."
  3247. >She points to the side with the previously mentioned bacon haired girl, Fluttershy, and Rarity.
  3248. >You nod and walk to your side of the net while continuing to stretch and warm up.
  3249. >Once everyone is on there sides Dash clears her throat.
  3250. >"Y-You know... We should do something like shirts and skins so we can tell our teams apart. Hey Anon, how bout your team be skins?"
  3251. >"Rainbow Dash!"
  3252. >Fluttershy scolds her friend with the tone you've heard a mother telling a child in that 'ya done fucked up' voice.
  3253. >"Heh-heh... j-just kidding Anon."
  3254. >She quickly apologizes.
  3255. >You however shrug and grab the bottom of your shirt and start to pull it up and over your head and throw it outside the net area.
  3256. >Time seems to slow down and you can feel everyone's eyes on you.
  3257. " So we serve first or what?"
  3258. >You pick up the ball and look at them.
  3259. >They quickly move their glances away from your chest like a guy who was caught looking at a girl's breasts back home would do.
  3260. >Not that you ever did that, you always kept looking.
  3261. >"Can I switch sides?"
  3262. >You hear Pinkie say as the rest of your team starts to pull their tops off.
  3263. >It's going to be a good day
  3270. >Anon gets kidnapped by the Mane-iac
  3271. >Everypony is worried about what horrible things she must be doing to a defenseless colt
  3272. >The Power Ponies never geared up faster before
  3273. >When they burst into Mane-iac's lair they're prepared to beat the hay out of her
  3274. >They never expected to find her crying her eyes out on Anon's shoulder as he comforts her, telling her that she's still beautiful as she is
  3280. >Anon was Celestia and Luna's father.
  3281. >He was also 'involved' with Princess Amore, meaning Cadence is his distant descendant.
  3282. >Celestia and Luna discover that ponies who are capable of ascending into alicorns are actually descendants of their various half-sisters and half-brothers.
  3283. >Two descendants produce offspring capable to ascending more easily, while one breeding with an alicorn will birth an alicorn, e.g. Flurry.
  3284. >Any pony knocked up by Anon producers an alicorn, like how Luna and Celestia were born.
  3285. >Celestia and Luna thought their father died millenia ago.
  3286. >However, the discovery of a new alicorn that acts much like their father (gender-roles, quirks, copied mannerisms, other biological quirks related to first generations like themselves) leads them to suspect he's still around, and has produced a new half-sibling for them.
  3287. >The hunt is on as they scour Equestria for any sign of their new siblings by analyzing behavior reports.
  3294. >tiny, precious, fragile
  3295. >your newborn daughter is small enough to fit in a coffee mug and only have her head poke out
  3296. >you bring her close to you, cupping her carefully to keep her warm and secure
  3297. >you ignore the sly grin of your wife, relishing the rare site of you being a proper male
  3298. >your daughter babbles as she grows comfortable in your paternal warmth
  3299. >you adjust your grip slightly, giving her head support as you give her a pony-like nuzzle
  3300. >her fur is velveteen, and sparse
  3301. >she returns the gesture, no doubt out of instinct, but it fills your heart more than you thought possible
  3302. >in that instant the idea that she is the single most important thing in this or any other world, solidifies
  3303. >forcing you to quietly verbalize the same words, regardless of language, of every father when he holds his daughter for the first time
  3304. I will rip apart anything and everything that tries to harm you, [Insert Daughteru Name].
  3312. >"How the buck can you stand it Anon? This unending arousal is driving me mad. I have to masturbate at least five times a night just to get to sleep!"
  3313. "S-surely its not that bad."
  3314. >She stares at you in disbelief
  3315. >"I have to bring six pairs of panties with me to school every day because they are soaked by the end of each class. My nipples have been hard since the day I bucking arrived. Every single movement in these clothes just makes it worse."
  3316. >You are starting to sweat as try your damnest not to stair at her tits
  3317. "Maybe wE-"
  3318. >You cough and try to stop your voice from cracking again
  3319. "Maybe I c-can help you with that?"
  3320. >She stares at you dumbfounded for a second before the blush on her face deepens so its probably about as red as yours
  3321. >"You really mean that Anon? Like no joking really really mean that?"
  3322. >Her voice is filled with disbelief and enthusiasm
  3323. >Which did quite a bit for your confidence
  3324. "Yeah I mean why not? I can help you and enjo-"
  3325. >You dont even get to finish your sentance before she grabs your hand and starts dragging you away
  3326. "Uhh Sunset where are you taking me?"
  3327. >She turns back to you and gives you a lusty smile
  3328. >"To the nearest empty room."
  3335. >Be Anon
  3336. >Maud Pie seemingly subverts the reversed gender roles you've started to get used to
  3337. >But when your back is turned, she spins around and hits you twice as hard with that sexism
  3338. >"No, Anonymous, that's simply not true. My desire for you not to work in the rock fields is not born from prejudice, but rather from a practical concern that your biology is simply not as robust as an earth pony's; let alone the biology of one who has grown up and worked on a rock farm for her entire life."
  3339. >You concede and ask what you can do to help
  3340. >"You can warm my sister's beds, Anonymous. Working in the rock fields all day is hard work, and there is nothing a mare likes better than coming home to a stallion who is willing to make them cum until they pass out and remain asleep until dawn, upon which time they will wake up and begin work again."
  3341. >Anon and Maud's inevitable foal has emerald eyes, which Maud declares that she likes very much, despite not being a shade of gray commonly found in rocks
  3349. >Despite the majority of guards being mares, a few stallions (oddities) do end up occasionally.
  3350. >Every day, every morning, Celestia greets a stoic Anon casually as he stands guard at his various postings.
  3351. >But then she notices that he also maintains his posts stoically on holidays, like Hearthswarming Eve, et cetera.
  3352. >Curious, she asks why.
  3353. >He responds that he has no family ties, no real bonds to tie him up, so he takes the overtime so the stallions and mares that do can go to things like birthdays, be with their families, and the like.
  3354. >He's also happy with it.
  3355. >Disconcerted and firmly of the belief that nopony, especially a stallion, should be this lonely, Celestia resolves to try and ''improve'' his life.
  3356. >Much to his irritation.
  3357. >The more she learns of him, the more enamoured she personally becomes, however.
  3358. >She also learns he lives in the barracks and rather modestly, his extra pay going to a nearby orphanage.
  3359. >Anon finds himself growing more and more annoyed as she tries to meddle in his nice, quiet life.
  3368. >Anon is infamous at Canterlot High
  3369. >No one misbehaves in his class
  3370. >When the occasional new kid arrives and does something stupid Anon drags them out into the hall by the back of their shirt
  3371. >No one knows what he does or says to them but whatever he does they never misbehave ever again
  3372. >The only one spared from his wrath was Sunset but only because she never had him as a teacher
  3373. >The Dazzlings arive at CH and start doing their things
  3374. >They notice how the hallways go dead quiet when Anon walks down them
  3375. >Even the the principal stop what their doing but give him a small smile with a slight blush
  3376. >Only when he goes to his desired location things start up again
  3377. >Is he some Equestrian monster banished here too?
  3385. >Anon in RGREqG
  3386. >Shooting the shit with Rainbow Dash during lunch one day
  3387. >Conversation drifts to the looming summer vacation
  3388. >Dash brags about how her and the rest of the humane 7 are going on a long camping trip innawoods
  3389. >Anon fucking loves camping 
  3390. >Says as much
  3391. >Rainbow thinks it's just him playing up the janefilly charade again and calls bullshit
  3392. >Asks if he would like to come along
  3393. >Nearly chokes on her drink when Anon says he'd love to
  3394. >Dash slowly realizes that she's set the stage for potential disaster, thinking about how others might flip shit when they hear about this...
  3395. >Meanwhile, Anon smiles, knowing full well what he's getting into
  3396. >Just wants to see how much be can blue bean them before one makes a move
  3404. Skelanon prompt
  3405. >You are Anon
  3406. >A thousand years ago a necromancer tried to make you her undead slave
  3407. >Muhfreedom.gun
  3408. >You kicked her horn before she could bind your free will
  3409. >Showed that bitch
  3410. >When you came to the closest town you were called the Harrald of Nightmare Moon or something
  3411. >The horse kids threw candy at you for some reason
  3412. >Fuckthishsit.ammo
  3413. >You went back to your grave and slept
  3414. >Every year you went back to the town on the same night for a thousand years spooking the residents
  3415. >You even taught the kids Ring Around the Rosie
  3416. >The adults seemed to get the actual meaning behind the little nursery rhyme
  3417. >You continued the cycle of sleeping for a year and waking to spoop the town
  3419. >Outside of the town rumors spread of a spirit that lures foals away on Nightmare Night
  3420. >Offering g candy to the male spirit sooths it and makes it leave
  3421. >Nopony knows why but it sings of a plague
  3429. >Anon sings villain songs/dreams about singing them
  3430. >Bon Bon is ordered to neutralize him via seduction
  3431. >everyone knows that a stallion will drop all their aspirations (villainous and otherwise) once they become a father
  3432. >Bon Bon, while initially opposed, decides that it may not be so bad
  3433. >it'd be nice to finally have someone waiting for her at home, and Lyra doesn't count (no lesbo)
  3434. >and besides, she's starting to get up there in the years
  3435. >sooner rather than later, her age will start becoming a liability to her activities as an agent
  3436. >they do the thing, and Bon Bon totally got him to cum his brains out like six times (she didn't)
  3437. >she wakes up to a platter of food on the bed
  3438. >missionaccomplished.rune
  3439. >however, just as she's about to enjoy some eggs and hashbrowns, she hears the unthinkable from the shower
  3440. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBRXsAWBgFA
  3441. >it seems the mission's not quite over yet
  3448. >Anon unintentionally sings villainous/dark song when Celestia is around but thinks he's alone.
  3449. >He also does the same with Luna but good, heroic songs.
  3450. >Same deal with Candy Butt and Book Princess.
  3451. >Ponies all come to different conclusions about him.
  3452. >He's just wondering why they're all acting nuts.
  3453. >Unknowingly, humans are dangerous because:
  3454. >A good deal of strength, though not on Applejack tier.
  3455. >General immunity to external magic, which fascinates yet terrifies Twilight.
  3456. >A siren (as in Greek mythology) like voice which, coincidentally, terrifies Equestrian sirens since he took their schtick and turned it on them.
  3464. >The dragons are excited
  3465. >For the first time in forever, Equestria is getting a new prince
  3466. >Prince stealing was the national sport of dragons
  3467. >Whenever a new prince comes along, a dragon is chosen to steal it away from its country, then the prince's lover would come and fight them one on one
  3468. >It is good sport, no one gets seriously hurt, and the mare gets to brag that they fought a dragon and lived
  3469. >The dragons haven't played Equestria in a century since that Blueblood pony was a spoilsport by teleporting away and it was all but impossible to steal Shining Armor within the Crystal Empire's shield
  3470. >The latest dragon to go, Krisp, had just returned, but looks beaten and without a prince
  3471. >Everydragon assumes that the princess caught her before she could steal the prince
  3472. >Sad, but it happens; a new dragon will be chosen and try again next year
  3474. >Be Krisp
  3475. >No one must know that Prince Anonymous beat you to an inch of your life
  3484. >Celestia's hair going all rainbow/blue is her version of turning white
  3485. >by the time the show starts, her hair's almost entirely horse-white
  3486. >while she's able to keep a calm face in public, and there are very few ponies around to remember when her hair was all-pink to begin with, she's secretly terrified she's starting to get old
  3487. >not because of the whole "dying" thing, but rather because she's not sure her self esteem will be able to take it when the last of her original pink fades away
  3488. >after all, how was a mare supposed to pick up stallions if all of her original mane color has vanished?
  3489. >and, of course, in comes Anon
  3497. >Celestia attempts to be cool
  3498. >skateboards
  3499. >horseshoes with LED`s
  3500. >harmony enhances her sun to mimic her hair color to prove how rad she is 
  3501. >also big "SWAG" written across the sky colored as aurora borealis
  3502. >even gets dat exotic ape-stalion thingy as her trophy husband
  3503. >the best part he can cum in her garillion times and she do not get preggers!
  3504. >brags about this at the gala
  3505. meanwhile at the gala:
  3506. >Dis-cord pissed of because that hew harmony enhanced sun gives him headache
  3507. >spirit of chaos wants to retaliate
  3508. >Dis-cord hears her bragging and plan of a prank forms
  3509. the next day:
  3510. >Celestia wakes up with a giant belly
  3511. >goes to doctor 
  3512. >apparently this is not gases, she pregnant
  3513. >she is happy as a filly with two scoops of ice cream!
  3514. >until she discovers all the nasty aspects of human pregnancy
  3515. >she trows up
  3516. ten mounts later:
  3517. >She gives birth
  3518. It`s a sweet, dear, precious, satyr girl
  3526. All this talk of hugging foals makes me think of some mare's daughter running up to Anon and hugging him only for the mother to come over and apologize. Then right before they leave her daughter blurts out that her mom thinks he's cute and he 'whispers' back to her that he thinks her mom is cute too
  3536. >The laws making stallions little more than property have been abolished or altered one by one over the course of many years, but even then, Equestria is still rather restrictive on male rights. 
  3537. >A stallion still has to be "in the care of" (rather than owned by) a mare. Typically this is his alpha mare, his mother, or one of his sisters.
  3538. >There has never been an issue where a stallion has no one to answer to. Orphans don't exist since families are always open to take in foals, colts especially.
  3539. >Male foreigners are few and far between, but they often hire a "guide mare" for their stay to avoid hassle. 
  3540. >The reason for all this?
  3541. >Stallions actually DO function at a level lower than mares with crown funded studies to confirm it. Not enough to cross into "disabled" territory, but that "cute and ditzy" is less of a rude stereotype and more of a fact. It luckily has almost no effect on parental instinct.
  3542. >Obvious (and strangely marely) exceptions like Shining Armor and Big Mac exist, but they are vastly outnumbered.
  3543. >This system has been in place for thousands of years, and has recently become more politically correct, but is still largly unchanged.
  3544. >Then you, a male who naturally functions at a level higher than the average mare (barring obvious geniuses like Twilight) is dropped right into this mess.
  3545. >If culture shock is the worst thing to happen to you, then you'll be lucky
  3551. >The adrenaline even affects the foal's magic force when under pressure.
  3552. Mix this in with the human nature to go for either parent for protection and you could have some top comfy situations
  3553. >Manticore starts rampaging through Everfree
  3554. >Ends up smashing through Ponyville and ends up at the school
  3555. >Anon's hybrid unicorn daughter and the other unicorns are being taught basic magic by Twilight but is having a lot of difficulty
  3556. >Manticore busts in freaking out everyone
  3557. >Hybrid goes fight or flight and ends up choosing the former accidentally
  3558. >Ends up firing a magic beam that can be seen from Canterlot
  3559. >When Anon and the other ponies come running to check on the school he finds a pile of manticore paws and its tail, a lot of scorch marks along with a hole in the wall
  3560. >He's approached by Twilight and other ponies who start complimenting on how strong his little filly is how she'll grow to be a big mare
  3561. >Before they're able to go into it any further Anon is tackled by a shivering ball of magic and tears
  3562. >His daughter ends up putting up a magic bubble and can't be convinced to put it down
  3563. >Anon just has to lie down and hold his kid close to him and keep reassuring her to help bring her out of her shock
  3571. >The Elements of Harmony are herdsoulmates.
  3572. >But it's an unusual case for them.
  3573. >The Mane 6 didn't quite realize it actually meant that, until he came along.
  3574. >The one they'd been waiting for.
  3575. >Then there was no denying it.
  3576. >Element Bearers being herdsoulamtes would also mean that Celly and Luna belong together.
  3584. >Anon gets a job in a circus freakshow by eating what ponies would consider arsenic, lead, and cyanide.
  3585. >Humans are legendary beings, after all, like unicorns on Earth.
  3586. >He gets to eat tasty foods and gets paid for it.
  3587. >Unlike Earth circuses, Equestrian ones are actually pretty nice, being considered actual performers.
  3588. >However, stigma still exists.
  3589. >The circus eventually meanders to Ponyville.
  3590. >Anon happily greets Trixie, much to the others' shock, and they walk off to catch up.
  3591. >Twilight and company think he's being exploited, however, and try to white knight.
  3592. >The only ones he gets along with out of the predominant cast are Trixie and Fluttershy (since Fluttershy isn't a moron when it comes to the dietary requirements of other species).
  3593. >Strangely enough, Discord took a vacation as soon as he heard a human was in town...
  3602. Everything about this prompt is retarded and it reads like it would lead into a reveal this all being inside a heavily autistic teenager's head.
  3603. He didnt get a scholarship, he got sent to a 'special' school.
  3604. After he accidentally made a few high-explosives and/or a fucking gun from basic materials and probably almost murdered his entire class, they sent him to Twilight because she and her friends have a history of reforming walking WMD's into somewhat functional members of society, even if this one is a bit more unique.
  3605. And now he just blatantly asked Ponk for sex in what i can only presume was a random question from fucking nowhere and all i can imagine is her internally screaming about the whole situation because she BARELY escaped the label of fillyfooler as it is without this shit on her hooves.
  3614. >Anon in RGREqG
  3615. >doesn’t have the luxury of being a teenager again and doesn’t have he qualifications to be a teacher at a high school 
  3616. >with no legal documentation he’s forced to start from the bottom as a cashier in RGREqG’s equivalent to Walmart.
  3617. >constantly shifting hours combined with ugly female coworkers, management, and customers all trying to hit on him rapidly wear away at his sanity.
  3618. >the only pleasure he has is that hot milf-tier woman who comes to the bakery every other day for cakes and to flirt with him.
  3619. >he’d totally date her if their schedules didn’t make it impossible.
  3620. >at the very least he enjoys texting her funny shit during breaks or in-between shifts
  3624. >Principal Celestia tries to be hip with the kids by wearing t-shirts with memes on them but doesn’t quite get them right
  3633. >>From Eris' perspective, Anon's eyes flashed three zeros and his mouth opened up, spilling gold coins everywhere
  3634. >>This is not actually happening in reality, however
  3635. >>Meanwhile, Anon wonders why his strange marefriend is giggling to herself about being set for life
  3636. >there's just something about Anon
  3637. >something that makes him so much easier to play around with her powers
  3638. >there's hardly any effort involved, and absolutely none of that hot-garbage harmony shit to fight through like the rest of the world
  3639. >all she needs to do is will it, consciously or otherwise, and it becomes real
  3640. >somehow realer than anything else she can do
  3641. >despite its similarity to, or perhaps because of the fact its somehow "beaten" her normal reality altering powers, this is what attracts Eris to Anon
  3642. >the dick and personality are nice too, though
  3644. >ponies... aren't sure of what to make of Eris anymore
  3645. >call her what you will, but none of them actually expected to see her go mad, of all things
  3646. >like, not her usual madness, but really, REALLY mad
  3647. >but that's what seems to have happened once she met Anon
  3648. >of course, there was her usual big gasp and metric ton of flair when she first met him, the same as any other new pony
  3649. >but now...
  3650. >now she just seems to follow him around and do things before she starts to giggle to herself
  3651. >not even big things, anymore
  3652. >a few months ago, she would have pointed a claw at him and start interacting with something no one else could see
  3653. >but now, she barely shifts a shoulder before she starts giggling
  3654. >after what she had done, no one ever thought that there would be ponies genuinely concerned for Eris' wellbeing
  3655. >guess that whole "Ponyville hospitality" thing was right after all, huh?
  3656. >something something RGRE
  3664. >Trixie is originally from a super-conservative village out in the horse-boonies
  3665. >according to her mother, a mare shouldn't even look at her herdmates in the bedroom, and should keep most affection between them limited to a "marely hug" at most, lasting exactly 2.5 seconds at maximum
  3666. >half of the reason she became a traveling performer is spite her by not getting a "real" job
  3667. >however, even though she's escaped her hometown and living her own life, some things stuck harder than others
  3668. >which is why she has to constantly mutter "no lesbo" to herself whenever a semi-attractive mare walks by, even though she's already looking to start a herd with her assistant/co-performer 
  3676. >Anon is in the park, doing some pony-watching
  3677. >How is he supposed to integrate into their society (at least to the point where he can function) if he doesn't understand how ponies behave?
  3678. >Anon spots a mare sitting on a bench, staring at the colts and fillies playing
  3679. >Anon is not quite used to the whole reversed gender role thing, and so he just thinks she's either a mom, or she's just doing things that (by ways of growing up in an OGR society) he doesn't find odd for a girl to do
  3680. >"Oh, so she's just watching the horse-children. Cool."
  3681. >Anon sits down and starts up a conversation
  3682. >The mare sweats intensely, worried that she's been found out
  3683. >"Sweet Celestia, I can't go to jail again!"
  3684. >Meanwhile, Anon is shooting the shit, not realizing he caught a full-grown mare leering at the colts and trying to get a peek under their tails
  3685. >The mare tries to think of a way to stay out of prison
  3686. >"Okay, mare, here's the plan. Just go out on a few dates and buy him some expensive presents, and then maybe he won't rat you out."
  3687. >Something something sappy romance happens or whatever
  3689. >Be Pedomare
  3690. >Anon just told you how old he was
  3691. >H-He's only in his 20s?!
  3692. >Unf!
  3693. >That's practically school-colt age!
  3694. >He should be in the park playing with his little f-friends, but instead you're g-going to lead him back to your bedroom and bad-touch him~
  3695. >Ohh, he'll just lay there and innocently expose himself to you, asking you what you're going to do on the bed (pomf =3)
  3696. >...
  3697. >You don't care what Anon says about how quickly his species ages, and you'll ruminate on the frankly depressing thought of outliving him some other time
  3698. >Because right now, you have an intense fantasy to live out; even if it is just by technicality
  3706. >Weeb anon gets pulled to equestria
  3707. >he is not a fan at first until he starts noticing that the events of his life are very familiar
  3708. >It doesnt take long for him to realize that he is the main character of some kind of virtual novel
  3709. >being a vetran of eroge he happily jumps into the role
  3710. >He quickly identifies the main love interests as the mane 6
  3711. >He has the time of his life being the center of attention and driving his relationship with them
  3712. >Until he notices something that shocks him to his core
  3713. >He starts noticing death flags from pinkie and Fluttershy (the ponies he spent the least time with)
  3714. >He understands then that many vn have bad ends for love interests you dont choose
  3715. >Anon decides his only hope to save all his new friends is to go for the perfect harem end
  3716. >Can he do it before he bad ends a mare?
  3725. >They call it the Tower of the Sun
  3726. >The room at the top is where Celestia can utilize scrying artifacts and other magical means to keep her eye on the kingdom.
  3727. >None but the Princess are permitted to enter.
  3728. >Such artifacts could be misused by the ill intentioned.
  3729. >In reality, the artifacts aren't that powerful, and would be difficult to use for any who didn't have the skill and sheer mana pool of an Alicorn to bring to bear. In other words, anyone that could use them doesn't really need them, it just makes things more convenient.
  3730. >Others are banned because this is where Celestia has her alone time.
  3731. >It simply would not do for others to wander in while she's schlicking herself raw while spying on the degeneracy her little ponies get up to.
  3732. >It's also good for blackmail against the nobles, when they get to uppity for their own good.
  3733. >She does keep an eye out for genuine abuse, that doesn't fly with her, but these are marshmallow poners we're talking about. That kind of thing doesn't happen very often.
  3735. >Celestia made one slight oversight when it came to the rules she gave for the tower though.
  3736. >None of the guards think to stop Luna from going in.
  3737. >She's a Princess too after all
  3745. >You are Anon Y. Mous
  3746. >You just started freshman year at Canterlot High
  3747. >You see your cousins Celestia and Luna, a senior and junior respectively
  3748. >You see them arguing with a couple of what you assume to be classmates
  3749. >You walk up to your cousins and like the naive little fuck you are, you talk to the two girls
  3750. "Hi! My name's Anon, are you friends with my cousins?"
  3751. >The white haired girl wearing mismatched cloths gives a look to the red and black leather jacket wearing girl
  3752. >"Yeah, you could say that"
  3753. >She smiles and gives your cousins a weird look before looking back at you
  3754. >"You're quite the cutie, my name's Eris and this is Tirek. And I think we're going to be GREAT friends Nonny"
  3755. >Eris said great weirdly and gave you an odd smile
  3756. >The now named Tirek shares the same smile that Eris has
  3757. >"Yeah kid, we'll be the best friends you ever had"
  3758. >She leans over you resting an arm over your head against the wall, giving you that weird look again
  3759. >Your cousins don't like this and grab you by the hand and drag you off
  3760. >You wave goodbye to your new friends
  3761. >Eris waves back
  3762. >You like Eris
  3767. >Anon is dejected
  3768. >If it's not Twilight being dismissive of his intelligence, it's Applejack offering to "make an honest stallion" out of him, usually on nights that she's had a bit too much to drink
  3769. >And then the CRYING starts up, and it's uncomfortable for everyone the next morning.
  3770. >The only pony who gives him the time of day (without blatantly trying to get into his pants) is Pinkie Pie
  3771. >Anon hangs out with her and learns to bake, mostly because he has a hard time reading her and honestly has no idea if she's into him or if she wants a 100% platonic friendship
  3772. >She can flip the flirtation on and off like a switch
  3773. >She goes from using her party cannon as innuendo to passing up multiple opportunities for low-brow humour and crude jokes in favour of giggling and saying something completely innocent
  3774. >Meanwhile, Pinkie is freaking out on the inside that a colt is talking to her and she's just barely holding in all the spaghetti she has that's just about to fall out of her saddlebags
  3775. >Ponies usually think she's too weird, especially colts, but Anon laughed at the sexist joke she accidentally let slip and everything!
  3782. > The company president is a busy mare, and ever since the divorce, she lets her filly play in her office while she's gone
  3783. > The daughter sits behind the desk and pretends to be the president, saying business words at imaginary employees
  3784. > Anon the secretary walks in to drop off some paperwork
  3785. > The filly orders him to get her some juice 
  3786. > He plays along, because she's being cute and the vending machine isn't that far
  3787. > He gives her the bottle of juice and turns to leave
  3788. > She uses her magic to pat his butt
  3792. CEO's filly regularly plays pretend in her mother's office while she's checking around her company
  3793. >every now and then anon pops in and leaves some documents or takes already sign papers to their proper destination
  3794. >filly likes to playfully boss anon around like get her a juicebox
  3795. >this goes on for sometime until the filly sees anon as a father figure unlike her absent biological father
  3796. >seeing that her mom became increasingly depressed since the divorce she hatched a plan to get CEOmom together with anon
  3799. >Anon is Raven's personal assistant.
  3800. >Previous husband died in a bandit attack but left her a little bundle of joy.
  3801. >Little filly thinks Anon and her Mom are perfect for each other (They spend all the time together anyway, he can make her coffee perfectly and his hugs are better than the princess's!) and tries to set them up in a series of shenanigans.
  3802. >It works almost perfectly.
  3803. >Except through sheer dumb luck and poor timing everything she tried ended up pushing Anon and Celestia together instead of her mother.
  3804. >Little filly at the height of a temper tantrum writes a letter to the princess accusing her of stealing anon away from her mother.
  3805. >Celestia writes back pointing out that herds are a thing, and offers to assist a devilish little matchmaker like herself
  3807. >Raven takes her daughter to work every day
  3808. >including the day after she learned that all her effort had been (seemingly) for naught
  3809. >most kids wouldn't think twice about throwing a temper tantrum in public
  3810. >but not little Raven junior, no siree!
  3811. >her mamma taught her to always be polite and use her indoor voice, and especially ot do so when she's at work with mamma
  3812. >so, instead, she plops her little flank down on the ground next to the throne, where her mother usually would be when not running various errands around the palace with Anon, like now
  3813. >scoops up a crayon in the crook of her hoof (just like papa Anon!), slaps down a piece of paper on the marble before her, and gets to writing her letter
  3814. >and, being a child, she reads out her very strongly worded letter to the princess as she writes it
  3815. >right next to the princess, who is watching over her shoulder
  3816. >when the letter's done, she picks it up, folds it just like mamma taught her (again), draws a little stamp on it, then gives it to Celestia
  3817. >Celestia, accepts it as if it were a correspondence between rulers that could decide the fate of millions
  3818. >she opens it, makes a big show of reading it, holds it up close, exaggerates her eye movements, and of course gasps at all the right moments
  3819. >with a nod, she sets the letter down, and begins drafting her own
  3820. >even uses the official stationary and all that
  3821. >after stamping the royal seal on the letter, Celestia hands it to the filly who, again, accepts it with all the grace her mother has beat into her skull
  3822. >cracking the royal seal, she opens it to find the letter saying 'Your daddy's mine now, girl!"
  3823. >no, not really
  3824. >what it does say is just some directions on how to get to the public royal library, and how to ask the librarian to get her a book on the birds and bees, courtship, and most importantly, herds
  3825. >and also how princesses always get what they want in the end
  3833. >Wherein nose-booping constitutes a marriage proposal
  3834. >Anon is pretty good friends with some mare, and living in a society where the denizens are much more tactile than humans are has loosened Anon up to the idea of casual physical contact
  3835. >The first time a pony he barely knew fell asleep with her head in his lap was uncomfortable, for example, but now it's just an excuse for Anon to play with her ears
  3836. >Comfortable with the above-mentioned casual physical contact, Anon leans forward, sticks out his finger, and lightly prods his mare friend right on the tip of her muzzle
  3837. >The mare looks shocked, her gaze shifting between Anon's face and his finger
  3838. >Despite her best efforts (big fillies don't cry), she feels tears well up in the corners of her eyes
  3839. >Shaking slightly, she props herself up on Anon's thighs and extends her hoof, lightly pressing the soft frog of her hoof onto his nose
  3840. >Anon thinks it's adorable at first, but the reaction he's getting gives him a nagging feeling that he's missing something
  3841. >Immediately after she pokes him, the mare crawls into his lap and wraps her hooves around his neck
  3842. >"I-I'm gonna make you the h-happiest stallion in all of Equestria, Anon!"
  3843. >Oh Magoo, you've done it again.
  3849. >Awkward teen marefriend gets flustered when you cuddle
  3850. >Awkward teen marefriend blindsides you with a new horse-meme that you aren't on the up-and-up with yet, leading to her giving you the affectionate nickname of "old stallion"
  3851. >Awkward teen marefriend asking you to walk her home from horse-school, and you nearly have a panic attack when one of her teachers waves at you (a non-family member who is walking away with a teenage student) cheerfully
  3852. >Awkward teen marefriend not telling her parents that the "colt" she's dating is not only the town's (and Equestria's) only human, but an OLDER human to boot (much to the jealousy of her friends and the pride of her mother)
  3853. >Awkward teen marefriend being on the receiving end of people humming the tune of "Mr. Robertson" to her, and she doesn't understand why
  3854. >Awkward teen marefriend going through her edgy teen phase
  3862. >Bongtavia doesn't know when it's time for afternoon tea because she can't find Big Ben to hear how many bong.
  3863. >Gopnixie has never owned a watch because she never has to be anywhere important.
  3864. >"Oi ya blue cunt! Where's the bloody tower what the fucking bongs come from? God save the Queen!"
  3865. >"Eh what is?"
  3866. >"Oi'm gonna miss me bloody piss-on-the-tree afternoon tea if I don't hear no fuckin bongs!"
  3867. >"Ay blyad you drink kvass instead. Can buy as much as want from tovarish' on corner with rusty yellow tank. Enough bottles to fill up entire Lada!"
  3868. >"Look 'ere ya rankins cromby git! I'd knock you proper back to last thoursday but I aint got me Foreigner-Clobbering Loicense back from the barrister on account of this being Ramadan an the 'ole bleedin country being shut tighter than Lord Pumberwick's shepherd's pie!"
  3869. >"Idi naxui angliskaya cyka! You louder than bear wrestling matches back in prison! Stronk and Groznij Trixie is not have time for western tourist... unless you want buy tracksuit. Is authentic imitation Adidas. 2 and 3/4 whole stripes! Best deal!"
  3875. >Arranged marriages innaquestria
  3876. >Used to be very common, but fell out of favor except for Aristocratic Unicorns in Canterlot, and particularly traditional Earth Pony Clans
  3877. >Anon, for a variety of reasons from the shallow to the political, is considered a catch.
  3878. >But he's all alone, he has no mother, or even father, that they can ask for permission.
  3879. >So the nobility is indecisive about what the proper protocol is.
  3880. >Celestia seems to have taken the position of guardian over him. He lives in the castle and she is frequently trying to get him to make some friends.
  3881. >But he's one of the biggest janefilly's ever to walk Canterlot. The only stallion in recent memory who could compete for the title is Shining Armor.
  3882. >And the rumor mill says he actually comes from a patriarchal society. The gossip about what such a world would be like seems ot be endless.
  3883. >Twilight Velvet and Night Light however, are undeterred by these complications, and have come up with some plans.
  3884. >Fears of their only daughter ending up forever alone have pushed them to put them into action.
  3885. >Twilight Velvet is already on good terms with the Princesses.
  3886. >Cadence may have flatly refused any 'arranging', ranting about how it reduced love to a transaction, but she seemed perfectly happy courting Velvet's oldest child and only son.
  3887. >A few hints here and there, some mare to mare talk, and the groundwork was laid.
  3888. >She had no problem with matchmaking. A stance which confused many aristocrats. Since wasn't that exactly what an arranged marriage was?
  3889. >Apparently not, and as the Princess of Love, she should be the one to know.
  3890. >Celestia, when Velvet and Cadence talked to her about it, gave her blessing, with some caveats, but seemed otherwise enthusiastic about how it would be good for the reclusive human
  3891. >Now they had to convince Anon himself.
  3892. >Normally getting their daughter on board for the plan would be next, but getting her hopes up before Anon had even shown any interest seemed like a bad idea.
  3893. >She was brilliant, but a bit emotionally fragile.
  3894. >So talking to Anon was the plan.
  3895. >A matriarch couldn't do that, only his mother could approach him and speak of such things at this stage. She would spook him, and her mere presence during such talks would be threatening and inexcusably rude.
  3896. >No, protocol was clear.
  3897. >Only a fellow stallion could discuss such things at this stage. Night Light would have to do it.
  3898. >Thankfully, dealing with his own son had prepared him somewhat for the unorthodox mentality.
  3899. >And he may have learned to hide it well, but he had a bit of a janefilly streak himself
  3903. >>Arranged marriages innaquestria
  3904. >Celestia is concerned about Anon
  3905. >He's a brand-new alien creature with a mind just brimming with otherworldly knowledge (don't laugh) and the ink on his citizenship papers is still wet
  3906. >Thinks unscrupulous ponies would try to take advantage of him by fooling him
  3907. >Or maybe other countries would try to use long-forgotten laws to claim him, or otherwise use politics to try and give her no choice but to send him off to bird-nigger land
  3908. >But...
  3909. >If a politically powerful mare were to up and marry Anon and give him status and and a marriage certificate, then it would be much MUCH more difficult for another country (let alone a power-hungry mare) to get their claws into him
  3910. >Plot twist: Celestia's fears are justified, because Anon is nearly snatched up by a bird-nigger diplomat and a political debacle nearly occurred when Equestria had to intervene
  3917. >Fluttershy could never work up the courage to talk to a stallion, let alone court one
  3918. >That is until she met Anon
  3919. >Before anyone else could talk to him, due to the language barrier, she conversed with him
  3920. >She wasn't shy during those encounters because she thought of him as just another one of her animal friends
  3921. >By the time she found out the truth they were already good friends
  3922. >Eventually she even began hoping for more than that
  3923. >But she was always too afraid to ask him for fear of rejection
  3924. >But one day Anon had overheard her worrying about her having a crush on someone and told her to just go for it
  3925. >That was why she found herself standing in front of his house
  3931. >Anon is a male ballet dancer, or ballerino as the Italians would call it.
  3932. >He was one of the best around on Earth, agile, strong, and a true wonder to behold as he tossed around woman like a cave man on steroids.
  3933. >Didn't stop him from being ridiculed by every macho man on the fucking planet.
  3934. >Of course, they could never laugh much after he kicked their teeth out.
  3935. >Strong legs, mang.
  3936. >When he came to Equestria, he thought his career was over; how was he supposed to put on a show with a bunch of quadrupeds?
  3937. >Turns out he didn't need to.
  3938. >He wasn't used to being a solo act, but he new enough about the art to form his own routines.
  3939. >It's weird, frolicking about on stage by himself, especially when he's taking the roles usually reserved for the female ballerinas, but the results are more than he could have predicted.
  3940. >By the end, the crowd, mostly mares, are in literal tears, saying they are moved by his grace and agility.
  3941. >One pony, a professional dancer apparently, threw herself at his feet, chanting, "I am not worthy to call myself a dancer! You are a god!"
  3942. It's all very strange, but at least it pays the bills
  3949. >Pone language isn't like most human languages, due to the fact that they speak in horse-noises (neighs, whinnies, etc.)
  3950. >By comparison, when a human speaks, with longer words and varying tones, it sounds almost angelic to the little poners
  3951. >Anon half-mumbling a song sounds like a professional choir 
  3952. >And when ponies overhear him belting out a rock ballad in the shower, its enough to reduce grown mares to tears.
  3953. >This only makes mares even more protective of the sweet, gentle giant of a stallion, who they already viewed as an innocent cinnamon bun 
  3954. >Catponers.scroll
  3955. >This causes confusion when they see the angel-voiced biped acting like a rough-tough janefilly 
  3956. >Something something RGRE
  3964. >Your name is Mind Mender
  3965. >Your occupation is being a psychiatrist and helping ponies
  3966. >Very rarely do you get anyone that isn't a pony
  3967. >In the eyes of others, you also have a rather unpleasant habit
  3968. >You kill and eat other ponies
  3969. >You don't go around killing random ponies indiscriminately 
  3970. >However when somepony is rude you do feel an urge to end there life
  3971. >Enough of that, you are currently waiting for your newest client to arrive for his appointment
  3972. >After waiting g for a few minutes there is a knock on your door
  3973. >"Doctor Mender?"
  3974. "Please come in"
  3975. >The door opens and reveals an ape like being
  3976. >He walks in and stands by the doorway
  3977. "Have a seat please"
  3978. >He closes the door awkwardly and sits in an almost comically undersized chair
  3979. >You'll need a minotaur sized chair brought in
  3980. >"Sorry, I never had to do anything like this before"
  3981. "It's fine, I was told to evaluate your mental state before you become an official citizen of Equestria."
  3982. >He nods
  3983. "Let's get started then."
  3984. >During the evaluation Anonymous had made a remark that caught your attention
  3985. >He said and you quote "I'm hungry enough to eat a horse" before chuckling and then saying "well in this case a pony"
  3986. >Most ponies would be at the very least put off by that
  3987. >But not you
  3994. >Cows make Anon feel uncomfortable when he milks them
  3995. >They're bizarrely matronly despite how flirtatious they are
  3996. >If Anon had to create some sort of parallel between them an humanity, he'd say that they were southern belles
  3997. >"Oh! Oh my, don't you just have the warmest set of hands Ah ever did see?"
  3998. >"Take it slow, honey, like molasses on a hot summer Sunday."
  3999. >"You're so good to an old Bessy like me, Anon. I'll talk to the farmer and I'll see if I can't get you a pitcher of my father's sweet tea."
  4000. >Something something southern hospitality
  4001. >Something something Blanche Devereaux 
  4002. >Something something RGRE
  4009. >Anon catches Vignette Valencia’s eye at the opening to Equestria Land
  4010. >she thinks it’ll be easy to get into his pants just like the THOTs on Snapgap
  4011. >is surprised when she’s turned down after she barely even starts flirting
  4012. >Anon’s seen her type before, male and female.
  4013. >narcissists who thrive on validation from others, but treat the people who build them up like total garbage, then act like they’re the ones who’ve been hurt when people naturally take offense to that.
  4014. >still, Vignette isn’t one to back away from a challenge and starts bragging about all her followers and all the expensive things she has
  4015. >Anon starts ignoring her 
  4016. >this pisses her off, but she can’t just use her magic phone and make him like her because the illusions it creates aren’t tangible
  4017. >besides it’s been a while since she’s had a genuine challenge with a boy
  4018. >even after she’s stopped by the Humane Seven, Vignette shows up frequently at Canterlot High to give Anon expensive gifts and make grand public displays of affection
  4019. >now most people would give in at this point just to avoid making a scene, but Anon is more than willing to ruthlessly shut her down in public to the point where even the Humane Seven start to feel bad for her despite how she’s wronged them.
  4020. >Rarity, as her only actual friend, decides to help her pursue Anon.
  4021. >And no, that doesn’t mean she’s just going to help her score in bed. No boy deserves a hump-and-dump.
  4022. >Rarity tries to convince her to actually get to know Anon better, in the hopes that she’s genuinely fall in love with him and want to improve herself.
  4029. >"Oh, hello there dear! It's wonderful seeing you again."
  4030. >"I am doing very well thank you. Busy as ever thankfully."
  4031. >"Hmm? Anonymous? Well, he's doing wonderfully as well."
  4032. >"Why yes, our marriage did go wonderfully. It was a lovely affair. Princess Celestia herself was the one to conduct the ceremony. I of course took the liberty of making the outfits for the groomsmaids AND the bridesmaids. The theme was oceans sunset. VERY lovely."
  4033. >"Anon was positively glowing that day, though I like to think he's as happy today as he was then."
  4034. >"He did use to be such a crude, angry man, didn't he? But like I always say, with just a bit of hardwork and heart one might find herself a perfect gem, and I'm happy to say that I have."
  4035. >"Work? Oh no, no, no! My dear husband stays at the house with our children. We already have two, but I'm positive that I can talk him into a few more."
  4036. >"He really is a wonderful father, and a surprisingly good cook."
  4037. >"He still is that willful creature that nearly kicked down my door so long ago, but he's come a long way."
  4038. >"Earth men really are the perfect partners, dear."
  4039. >"You should really think about getting one for yourself."
  4040. >"It's no secret that they can't resist Equestria pussy after all~
  4046. > Anon moves in with his marefriend, Starlight Glimmer
  4047. > Life is pretty great, and he finds a surprising amount of satisfaction in doing little domestic things for her
  4048. > One day, he overhears some mares talking about Glimmer's dark past
  4049. > How she uses mind-manipulating magic
  4050. > They speculate that that might be how she got the exotic alien to agree to date her
  4051. > Anon rolls his eyes, and goes about his day
  4052. > When he gets home, he immediately starts putting the groceries away
  4053. > Then starts making dinner
  4054. > He doesn't even think about it, until he starts a load of laundry
  4055. > Was he always this willing to do chores?
  4056. > He remembers procrastinating a lot when he was single
  4057. > He gets uneasy, thinking back to the gossip he heard earlier
  4058. > When Starlight gets home, he acts natural, and he genuinely loves her
  4059. > She's so cute, and fun to talk to
  4060. > Not to mention that silly tuft
  4061. > He didn't used to get what the big deal about tufts was, but now he knows
  4062. > ...or did Glimmer make him think that way?
  4063. > As he lays beside her that night, he stares at the ceiling 
  4064. > Is any of this real?
  4065. > The next day, he drops by Twilight's place and asks her if she can sense if his mind has been tampered with
  4066. > She frowns, and casts a diagnostic spell
  4067. > She is silent for a long moment, before smiling again
  4068. > She tells him he don't have any signs of mind magic
  4069. > Anon thanks her and goes back to his normal routine, glad that his love for Starlight Glimmer is real
  4076. > Be Stitching Time, daughter of Anonymous and Rarity
  4077. > You've sort of suspected it for a while, but you think you might be...
  4078. > Evil
  4079. > You aren't sure when you started turning bad, maybe you were born that way?
  4080. > Mom has always been insistent that you become a proper lady, teaching you all about honor, etiquette, and duty
  4081. > Dad tries to support her, but he's not that good at table settings, let alone proper forms of address
  4082. > Are all these rules to make sure you don't do something bad?
  4083. > Does Mom need to follow them too?
  4084. > Of course, then there's things you get from Dad
  4085. > Lyra walks unsuspectingly down the street, humming a simple tune
  4086. > You peer around the corner of a building, Dad standing above you
  4087. > You shift your weight from hoof to hoof, your tail swishing behind you
  4088. > Dad stands utterly still, bringing his hand into your peripheral vision
  4089. > His fingers count down 3, 2, 1-
  4090. > You burst from around the corner, carefully running so that your hooves don't clatter as much
  4091. > You are ten feet away when her ears prick up
  4092. > She tenses, muscles in her hindquarters bunching up, her head begins to turn
  4093. > You abandon stealth and run at a full gallop
  4094. > Lyra glimpses you out of the corner of her eye and instinctively breaks into a run
  4095. > But it's no use, you are already too close and too fast
  4096. > You leap at her, wrapping your arms around her neck
  4097. > She neighs in fear, twisting under you
  4098. > She looks pretty funny
  4099. > Then she finally gets a good look at you and sags in your arms
  4100. > You give her a peck on the cheek
  4101. > "Stitching, you are lucky I like you."
  4102. > Dad comes loping up from behind as you release your favorite former babysitter
  4103. > You grin at her
  4104. "I like you too, Lyra."
  4111. >You break off your short relationship with your jock marefriend when you and her find that you're not as good a match as you thought. Some family drama forced her uglier side to the surface.
  4112. >She's greatly upset, but let's you go with minimal fighting. Losing a mono lover burned her something fierce.
  4113. >Later, you meet a downtrodden mare in a bar. A few drinks later she tells you how she's a widow and how her husband tragically passed. She knows he would want her to move on and be happy but it's hard. 
  4114. >Moved, you keep meeting her at the same bar each week just to check on her.
  4115. >Your visits do a lot for her. She smiles more, laughs more, and has a spark she lacked. 
  4116. >You really start to like her
  4117. >After a few meetings feeling everything out, you shyly ask her to accompany you home.
  4118. >She thinks it over hard, then gently smiles and accepts, taking you to her place instead because it's closer.
  4119. >The next morning, you both know something more permanent is coming from this. (You'll never admit just how much her amazing ass and perfect sized horse tits factored in)
  4120. >Then someone barges in the front door.
  4121. >"Hey Mom! Thought I'd drop by to visit! I know we had the argument over dad, but ma-!"
  4122. >Your old marefriend, Rainbow Dash, walks in on you with her mom, Windy
  4129. > Eldergirlfriend is endlessly fertile, so every single sperm cell Anon pumps into her finds a waiting egg cell
  4130. > Her womb is a pocket dimension, where her countless progeny swim about in the currents of her and Anon's thoughts and feelings
  4131. > Anon is upset that he has kids he hasn't seen, and insists on raising each one
  4133. "Ellie, why didn't you tell me we had children?!"
  4134. >"It was not something I wished to concern you with."
  4135. "Con- Of course it concerns me! They're my kids! They need a father!"
  4136. >"Please, calm yourself my love. You've begun leaking your vital fluids."
  4137. >Sure enough, you could feel blood running down your face, streaking from your eyes and nose.
  4138. >This sometimes happens when you have a rapid mood swing near your significant other, likely due to the metabolic changes that come with them.
  4139. >Taking a few deep breaths, your heartbeat begins to slow.
  4140. "Okay... okay, I'm good. Just...Why can't I see them?"
  4141. >Your wife gives you a look you cannot place, likely because her face is constantly shifting.
  4142. >"Dearest Anonymous, my undying star, even if your flesh could survive the null space within my womb, we have spawned over 700 billion offspring, and another 200 billion are still gestating Your mortal life would run out before you could even meet all of them, let alone 'raise' them".
  4143. >She giggled, and you could hear the sound of faint screaming in it as well.
  4144. >"You need not worry for them. They are all secured in the pocket dimension in my womb. No harm shall come to them."
  4145. "...oh..."
  4146. >Today was a "I'm really glad transdimendional child support isn't a thing" kind of day
  4151. >Anon's girlfriend is Shub-Niggurath who has taken a pony's body for herself.
  4152. >Thing is, said possessed pony's mind/spirit is perfectly fine with being a meat-puppet, since said entity allows her to speak and do things she wants (think Tok'Ra, not Goa'uld).
  4153. >She's also well on board with being Anon's marefriend.
  4154. "Who's awesome? I'm awesome!"
  4155. >Ponies do their best to try to rescue Anon from his captivity, and exorcise the abomination from the mare.
  4156. >They fail.
  4157. >Badly.
  4158. >Comically.
  4159. >And often.
  4160. >At least all three get a laugh out of everything
  4168. >When he's sucked into RGRE, Anon wasn't alone. His loyal dog was sucked in too.
  4169. >The magic in Equestria gives his dog a huge boost in intelligence on top of her prior animalistic instinct, setting her on par with a human or pony.
  4170. >She doesn't get the time to question why her thoughts are so complete and clear. Not when the females of this world are trying to manipulate her clueless human in a way he could not be prepared for. 
  4171. >She swore to protect this human, her greatest treasure, with her life. She's not letting unfamiliar prey creatures getting a hold on him with subtle machinations, not when they're not clear as day to her where his senses fail.
  4172. >Mares interested in the sweet alien biped find themselves running a gauntlet set by his ruthless dog of all things
  4180. >Dash is totally going to bag Anon.
  4181. >She's the toughest, straightest, fastest mare in Equestria.
  4182. >Did she forget to mention she's straight?
  4183. >The only reason she hasn't been with a hundred stallions is because none of them have been awesome enough for her.
  4184. >The Rainbow Dash can't settle for less than the best, and that's why she wants Anon.
  4185. >Yep, that's why she never feels anything for colts; because they are never good enough.
  4186. >But now that Anon has shown up, and all the mare's agree he's hotstuff and a total babe, she'll finally be able to show every pony she's not gay.
  4187. >... Yep.
  4188. >She gets totally, absolutely involuntary wing boners around Anon just like all the other mares on the flight team when he walks underneath 'cause she finds him so attractive.
  4189. >She definitely doesn't hold them out herself.
  4190. >Yes indeed...
  4192. >Anon is very confused why this lesbo horse is hitting on him.
  4193. >Seriously, she'll be in the middle of laying on this half-hearted pickup line, then just trail off as a mare with a nice ass walks by, her eyes following the swaying hips.
  4194. "Why don't you go for it?" Anon asks around a mouthful of sandwhich. "I'm pretty sure I've heard she's gay."
  4195. >"Huh wha-? Er, I mean, what was that, babe?"
  4196. "Why don't you ask Cloudkicker out?" Anon reiterates, gesturing with his head to the mare walking further away. "You two'd be good together."
  4197. >Dash blushes furiously.
  4198. >"Wh-what? That dyke? Y-yeah right, I ain't no queer! She ever hit on me, and I'd kick that perfect plot across town."
  4199. "Perfect?"
  4200. >"Whatever! You want to go on the stupid date or not!?"
  4202. >Anon is Rainbow's Beard
  4203. >It's not gay if it's in a herd!
  4204. >Then it's just taking care of your herdsisters.
  4205. >All her herdsisters know, but Rainbow has thus far refused to admit it to anyone except Anon.
  4212. >Anon and [insert waifu here] are super excited to be new parents.
  4213. >There's just one problem.
  4214. >Neither of them are good at being emotionally comforting and nurturing.
  4215. >Normally this would be the stallion's role, but Anon being a human male, comes from a culture where men being in touch with their emotions is considered 'unmanly'.
  4216. >His waifu isn't one of those conveniently colty mares who would make up for that lack of skill with emotions either.
  4217. >So while the two of them love their kid to pieces and would easily go to bat for them, they aren't really good with problems that require a gentler touch.
  4218. >Kid got rejected by their crush and is taking it badly? All they can think of at that moment is hugs and corny dad/mom jokes to try to cheer them up.
  4219. >Kid is getting bullied? They'll definitely make sure the bully gets punished but they aren't sure how to help their kid's self-esteem recover afterwards
  4227. >Get into a relationship with Rainbow Dash
  4228. >Dates start out with just you and her
  4229. >She takes you to Wonderbolt shows
  4230. >Takes you to the park to show off her moves (this gives you an excuse to run your fingers through her feathers to preen her after she's done)
  4231. >You take her to the movies or to dinner, purposefully going out of your way to pay for the whole thing instead of splitting the bill just because it makes Rainbow flustered
  4232. >After a few months and after both of you realize things are getting serious, Rainbow starts bringing a tag-along: A shy little filly called "Scootaloo"
  4233. >You tone down the romance because children are present, but Rainbow Dash doesn't mind
  4234. >"Sorry, sugardick, I hope you don't mind I brought my little buddy along. When I told her that you were ALMOST as awesome as I am, she just had to meet you."
  4235. >Rainbow keeps things kid-friendly and usually catches herself before she gets too intimate with you
  4236. >You think it's adorable the way the orange filly tries to imitate Rainbow Dash, and you figure this is just a case of monkey see monkey do; the kid idolizes Rainbow Dash and wants to do what she does, even going so far to want to be included on her dates with you
  4237. >You notice that Scootaloo's hero-worship is starting to transfer onto you a little bit, and she even managed to talk you into picking her up and walking her home from school
  4238. >cue powerful paternal instincts kicking in after you see Scootaloo being bullied on the playground
  4247. >ponies are concerned about anon
  4248. >he shies away from physical contact
  4249. >he seems to bottle up his emotions
  4250. >he will sometimes be seen bringing baked goods to a local orphanage 
  4251. >overall he just seems far too reserved for a stallion even with his odd little smile which always seems to grace his face
  4252. >ponies wonder what trauma anon has been through
  4253. >in reality anon's having a blast
  4254. >ponies are nice and food is good, not much to complain about here
  4255. >they are weirdly cuddly but that's more of a nitpick than anything else and momanon always said to keep your hands to yourself 
  4256. >the only real issue is that it's a little hard to read their facial expressions
  4257. >he wonders if they have the same issue with him
  4265. >Anon is a VA, one of his character is popular with mares.
  4266. >But he doesn't really like that role very much. He thought some of the decisions the executives and writers made were stupid.
  4267. >He trash talks the show and the character anonymously online.
  4268. >Mare gets bent out of shape defending her husbando.
  4269. >Doesn't believe him when he responds to her claims the he has a crusty cunt with the fact that he's male.
  4270. >He can't resist, posts a selfie.
  4271. >Board goes insane. More so when he tells them he's been shitposting there for years.
  4272. >'There's no way that's actually him.'
  4273. >'he had to have shopped that pic'
  4274. >'Dick or GTBO'
  4275. >'I told all you dykes, didn't I tell you? the show is shit and has been for years. And he agrees with me!'
  4282. >Anon is a simple guy. He's seen how celebrities live their lives and he wants no part of that life destroying drama. The fixation with celebs that his stallion friends have is annoying, but he bears with it. 
  4283. >A celeb mare thinks Anon would be a perfect trophy husband. Low maintenance, exotic, janefilly, what's not to like?
  4284. >She gets the shock of her life when she's curtly, almost rudely shot down. Then he goes right back to courting a much lower class mare with the intention of monogamy for her.
  4285. >The celeb almost can't process it. It's such a huge slap to the face for her.
  4286. >But she's not giving up that easily.
  4294. >Anon comes out of stone completely catatonic
  4295. >attempts to read his mind to see what’s wrong reveal that there ISN’T a mind anymore at all
  4296. >being petrified rapidly eroded away his sanity, his memories, and even his sense of self
  4297. >the lights are on but there’s no one home
  4298. >Celestia and Luna are guilt ridden from this revelation.
  4299. >they have Anon placed inside a private room inside the castle, where they’ll have staff take care of him until he dies of natural causes
  4300. >the two princesses speak to his catatonic body often, apologizing for what happened to him
  4301. >nothing changes until after the reformation of Discord
  4302. >while fucking around in the castle, he finds Anon
  4303. >even he is horrified by the human’s condition
  4304. >chaos and harmony are one thing, but there’s nothing at all inside the catatonic human’s mind
  4305. >just... silence
  4306. >in a rare moment of sympathy for beings other than himself, Discord reboots Anon’s mind
  4307. >he couldn’t bring back his memories or old personality because there was nothing left to piece together, but he’s properly alive again
  4308. >he’s essentially a newborn in a dead man’s body
  4309. >thankfully Discord saw fit to upload some basic knowledge into New Anon’s mind, but he’s still essentially a blank slate
  4310. >Celestia and Luna see this is as a second chance, so they endeavor to help their old friend’s new self whenever possible.
  4311. >New Anon is intelligent, but rather childlike in mannerisms and personality.
  4312. >The Princesses make sure to repeat that to themselves whenever he unintentionally does something lewd
  4314. >Since Anon suffered a personality and memory death, he develops into a very different person than what he was.
  4315. >This saddens the two even more
  4317. >Anon used to be an unbelievable, unrepentant jackass
  4318. >Just he biggest prick you could ever imagine
  4319. >Somehow he was friends with Luna and Celestia at the time
  4320. >The new Anon is a genuinely good person who likes making other people happy
  4321. >Now the royal sisters feel even guiltier because they like the new Anon much better than they liked the old Anon
  4328. >Twilight trys hard to tough out her pregnancy like a macho mare, but carrying a hybrid stresses even an alicorn.
  4329. >You have the natural urge to pamper your preggo mare, but she stubbornly refuses because she doesn't want to be a bother.
  4330. >She eventually relents to your constant attempts to baby her. 
  4331. >Rubs for her sore back, teats, and hooves, fetching cravings, patience in the face of hormones, gentle sex, preening, grooming. You name it, you gave it to her without a fuss. You even took the initiative if she was being silent.
  4333. >Twilight reflects on everything. Is Earth really so different? Pregnancy is just another natural thing mares need to manage, but her husband acts as if she's suffering and he has an obligation to run himself ragged in place of their non-existent herd just for her comfort. 
  4334. >She realizes she doesn't know her husband as well as she likes, but now has months of close contact to figure him out. 
  4335. >She winces and stands, starting towards the bathroom.
  4336. >Of course her little joy starts kicking only to aim right for her bladder.
  4344. >Rapequestria
  4345. >RGRE taken to a certain extreme
  4346. >Ponies are either insanely aroused by Anon's physique, or they see him as a sex object that should be in the kitchen when it isn't mounting a mare
  4347. >Anon is constantly under attack by mares who want to rape him
  4348. >Anon must dance around several stallion stereotypes in order to avoid having sexand mix things up by using his own ingenuity 
  4349. >One day Anon avoids rape by claiming that he has a headache or pretending to be angry at her because she allegedly forgot their non-existent anniversary 
  4350. >Another day he threatens to take the resulting kids away and to put the mare in debt
  4351. >There was even one time he got a fussy mare off his back down at the bar; she had joined him for a drink and blatantly drugged his glass, and so he lied that he switched their drinks around, prompting the mare to switch the drinks to their "correct" placement and then to promptly drink her own drugged-up booze
  4352. >Anon was amazed that that worked, considering that the mare hadn't taken her eyes off of either of their drinks at any point of the encounter
  4353. >Anon wonders if he somehow gained a magical power of suggestion upon his arrival in Equestria
  4360. > Anon gets a job recording lines for a domestic illusion spell matrix
  4361. > Things like "How was your day, Honey?", or "Would you like a bath, dinner, or me~?"
  4362. > The matrix takes the lines and syncs them to an illusory stallion, triggered by times of day and biometric data from the user
  4363. > The mares designing the matrix are mostly examples of the primary userbase
  4364. > Lonely, nerdy unicorns who have watched too many neighponese cartoons
  4365. > They try really hard to be professional with Anon 
  4366. > Unfortunately, they are also testing the matrix on themselves
  4367. > It can be hard to remember that Anon isn't their househusband, especially when they start incorporating the lewd scenarios
  4368. > Anon occasionally lets an innuendo slip in casual conversation
  4369. > The mares start sweating immediately, and can't meet his eyes
  4377. >Equestrian human, Incognito, grew into a desirable male with an ever so slight janefilly streak.
  4378. >Has a small herd and shares a close relationship with Celestia, who took special interest in him as an infant. Lead a largly charmed life.
  4379. >Always wondered what his birth home was like. All he ever had of it was the name printed on his childhood blanket, but made peace with the fact that he probably won't find out. 
  4381. >Anon is an average guy in the near future of earth.
  4382. >AKA living dirt as far a society is concerned. 
  4383. >Too broke to afford an AI waifu or real luxury, not broke enough to laze around on government assistance. 
  4384. >Smart enough to realize why society is like it is, but not genius enough to claw his way to a safe zone with raw intellect.
  4385. >Talented enough to appreciate his hobbies, not talented enough to make a career of them. Being a jaded cynic, what he's best at, can't be monitized anyway.
  4386. >And his family was pretty fucked up since he was young since the abduction of his baby brother just days after his birth. Everyone was just sort of distant.
  4387. >Really, Anon has got nothing to look forward to except the civil war slowly crawling across the country that the government says isn't happening. He just keeps a gun on him (for attackers or himself is debatable) and waits. 
  4388. >Then a truck bomb levels his street.
  4389. >Instead of dying, Anon blearily wakes up to feminine pony creatures and an androgynous man all looking concerned around him. 
  4390. >Jesus Christ, this must be hell. 
  4391. >Hold on... The man looks familiar... In the back of his mind he recalls the image of an infant.
  4392. "Incognito?"
  4393. >The man jumps. "H-how did you know my name..?"
  4394. >Anon sighs. 
  4395. "Fucking hell."
  4396. >Incognito and the mares flinch at the curse.
  4397. >Anon just lets out a dry chuckle and stands, easily a head taller than the other man. 
  4398. "Don't recognize your big brother, Nito? I'm hurt. I was the first to hold you after mom, after all."
  4399. >And so two lives were thrown out of wack that day.
  4408. >when anon first came to ponyville
  4409. >ponies treated him the same way they did zecora way back when
  4410. >it doesnt help that anon cant into pony speak let alone pony body language
  4411. >the flipside is that they cant really do anything to him since twilight and co are in charge of him
  4412. >since anon cant understand anything the ponies say
  4413. >all he has to go on are their reactions
  4414. >only that he see's then as adorable little horses that NEED to be petted
  4415. >eventually racist ponies just devolve into sexist ponies
  4416. >seeing that anon is just another colt that needs tending to
  4424. >"Hey, hey. Easy there, small fry."
  4425. >"I heard you asking my friend, Anon, out on a date just now."
  4426. >"You aren't just using him for a quick fuck, are you?"
  4427. >"Hey! He's my best friend, you cunt, so it IS my business!"
  4428. >"I'm telling you that you had better not be jerking him around, end of story."
  4429. >"Yes, he WOULD do this for me too! And it's not embarrassing if a boy stands up for you, it's sweet! It means he cares about me, unlike half of those dumb cocks at school."
  4430. >"Anon is a beautiful cinnamon roll who is too good for this dyke Earth, and I don't want to see him heart-broken."
  4431. >"Wh-what? No, I'm not 'into him'! He's my friend and I don't want to see him hurt, th-that's all!"
  4432. >"Look, shut up! If you ever do anything to hurt him, you'll have me an' my friends to answer to, got it?!"
  4433. >"Good!"
  4434. >"..."
  4435. >"F-Fuckin' dyke; thinks I wanna wrap Anon up in my arms an n-never let go, as if it would shield him from all the awfulness the world can throw at him..."
  4443. > A goth mare botches a seance
  4444. > Gets possessed by the spirit of a pervy old mare
  4445. > The ghost leads her out into public to grab the first male ass she sees
  4446. > It's Anon's ass
  4447. > The goth mare cringes inside, afraid she'll get arrested and put on a sex offenders list
  4448. > Instead Anon smirks at her and asks if she wants to have some fun
  4449. > Later, the goth mare lies in bed next to a sleeping Anon
  4450. > She thanks the ghost possessing her, and they come to an agreement
  4451. > The goth mare will have control of the body unless she wants the ghost mare to take over for something
  4452. > Meanwhile, the ghost shares in her sensations and offers advice
  4453. > Satisfied, the goth mare snuggles up to Anon and falls alseep
  4461. >RD accidentally friendzoned herself, but also chases away anybody else from making moves on you.
  4462. >The only ones who can approach you are her friends.
  4463. >But they all know she's holding a torch for you, and so don't try anything until that gets resolved.
  4464. >It's immensely frustrating for a shipper like Rarity, who wants her to just mare up and get on with it already
  4473. > Be Anon, finishing your ice cream sandwich in Central Park, Manehattan
  4474. > You look around for a trash can, but can't find one
  4475. > With a shrug, you toss the paper wrapper to the ground and start to walk home
  4476. > "Stop, criminal scum!"
  4477. > You come to a halt, looking around for a real pony criminal
  4478. > What would that even be like?
  4479. > But all you find is a cute little ponice mare trotting towards you with a frown
  4480. > ...
  4481. > Wait
  4482. "Me?"
  4483. > She stops about a yard from you and nods
  4484. > "Sir, are you aware it is against the law to litter in a public park?"
  4485. > You raise your eyebrows
  4486. "That's a criminal offense? Seems kinda trivial."
  4487. > The mare grimaces
  4488. > "It's more of an infraction, but the city government is trying to crack down on this sort of thing."
  4489. > She looks you straight in the eyes
  4490. > "Sir, do you plan on littering again?"
  4491. > You hold up your hands in surrender
  4492. "No, I've learned my lesson."
  4493. > She nods decisively
  4494. > "Very well, I'll let you off with a warning. Now pick up that litter, and I'll escort you to the nearest receptacle."
  4495. > You smile at her
  4496. "I appreciate it."
  4497. > She blushes a little, especially as you bend over to pick up the wrapper
  4499. > Something something flirtation
  4500. > Something something RGRE
  4509. >Anon woke up to find Fluttershy in his bed, giving him the cuddling of a lifetime.
  4510. >Guess those rumors of her being a cuddlerapist weren't fibbing. Wouldn't have thought she had it in her.
  4511. >But she's here now. Looking smug.
  4512. >Activate Yandere Mode
  4513. >I shall love her and squeeze her and call her Flutters.
  4514. "You're mine now little pony. Mine. I won't let anybody else have you."
  4516. >You are Fluttershy
  4517. >You may have made a mistake
  4525. >You cannot take from the forest what was never meant to leave.
  4526. >Billet remembered her grandmother telling her that before, but she never really knew why.
  4527. >She is a simple mare, living on the fringe of the Everfree by selling its wood.
  4528. >Everfree trees are a unique breed, sturdy, and rich with a dark oil that gave off a pleasant smell when burned.
  4529. >Few ponies were brave enough to take ax to the dreaded woods, but Billet was one of them.
  4530. >This made her wares fairly valuable, and she lived comfortably.
  4531. >Yes, she was forced to defend herself on more than one occasion against the Everfree's myriad of beasts, but they learned to fear the bite of her ax, and the scars she garnered in those fights, she was secretly proud of.
  4532. >They made her look as tough as she was, and she caught more than a few dainty colts eyeing her when she went into town.
  4533. >Still, while Billet could have herself a few one night stands, it was hard for her to find a stallion willing to move in with her when she lived by such a dangerous place, and chose such a dangerous profession.
  4534. >She had resigned herself to bachelorhood for this reason, and continued her work, day in and day out.
  4535. >The largest, best trees were often deep within the forest, and so that is where she went.
  4536. >Life was repetitive; she'd venture into the woods, find a fine tree, cut it down, and drag it with brute strength back to her home.
  4537. >A steady routine, until one day, she encountered something strange, yet beautiful.
  4538. >She had come across a tree, the largest she'd seen in the Everfree, but that was not what caught her eye.
  4539. >The green skinned creature underneath was.
  4540. >Thus follows:
  4541. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E52rxz2sjRs[Open]
  4542. >FaeAnon tells her he can't leave the tree.
  4543. >Billet declares she will bring the tree to her home.
  4544. >FaeAnon proceeds to slap the ax out of her hooves.
  4545. "Are you fucking crazy!? That'd kill me!"
  4546. >"B-but I just want us to be able to live together..."
  4547. >FaeAnon sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
  4548. "Okay, yeah, I get that. And I'll admit I like you, but I can't leave the forest. Like, literally, I can't leave, and if this tree dies, so do I."
  4549. >The little mare sniffles, and FaeAnon feels bad.
  4550. "Hey, come on, it's not that bad... Wait, I can't leave, but why don't you just stay here?"
  4551. >"Um, what?"
  4552. "Just because I'm stuck to this tree, doesn't mean I give a shit about these other ones. Why not make a cabin right here? It can be our home."
  4553. >Never has a pony ever looked so happy.
  4554. >Thus Billet the woodsmare and FaeAnon lived happily ever after in their little log cabin in the Everfree Forest.
  4560. >Superheros in Equestria
  4561. >Regular or nohooves
  4562. >Anon is often the damsel in distress, mostly because they all have super powers and he does not
  4563. >Makes it as difficult and/or annoying for his captors as possible
  4564. >He's even started carrying around snacks and sudoku puzzles in case he's held captive for extended periods of time
  4565. >Spidermare expects him to reward her with a kiss whenever she saves his bacon
  4566. >"Can you hold on for a sec? I think I just cracked this one really hard puzzle."
  4568. >Anon gets so good he actually points out flaws in the Puzzler's plans
  4569. >At first she dismisses him but secretly cross references his comments with her puzzles
  4570. >Anon says nothing but has the smuggest grin on his face the next day when he sees all his suggested improvements have been put into place
  4571. >Anon and the Puzzler start bouncing ideas off each other to mess with the super heroines and super villainesses
  4572. >As time goes on the biggest puzzles start to be spread over entire territories of the city
  4573. >When the heroines and villainesses team up and break into the Puzzler' hideout they find a picture and a note
  4574. >The picture is of Anon and the Puzzler holding up identical rings
  4575. >The note reads "Riddle me out, Riddle me in, Guess who's no longer a virgin?"
  4583. >Twi gets assigned to Anon in a two-person class project
  4584. >Twilight is freaking out and cheering; now she can spend time with Anon!
  4585. >...oh god, now she's going to spend time with Anon.
  4586. >What if he finds out she's a super lewd girl?
  4587. "So, where do you wanna meet up?"
  4588. >"Wh-what do you mean?"
  4589. "For the project; your place, or mine?"
  4590. >Twilight answers before she even thinks about it
  4591. >"My place is fine."
  4592. >She's screaming internally as she writes down her address with a shakey hand (only having to do it over three times because she was so nervous she misspelled her own street)
  4593. >Twilight has no idea what to do next
  4594. >"Do I do the project all by myself so that we have time to talk? Wait, no, that's too forward! He might think I think he isn't capable of doing work! Or he'll think I'm weird for wanting to talk to him and then he'll never ever want to speak with me ever again!"
  4595. >"Is my room clean enough? Is all the porn hidden? Did I close all my tabs on my computer and delete my search history? Oh, god, what if my room stinks but I'm just so used to it I can't smell it?! I NEED MORE FEBREEZE"
  4596. >"Okay, t-shirt and a skirt... that's casual enough, right? My nicest outfit is the school uniform, but that's weird to wear when I'm not at school, right? Right?! Wait, what if he gets grossed out if I'm too casual because he thinks I want to t-touch is butt? THEN HE'LL NEVER TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN"
  4597. >Meanwhile, Anon's just pleased he's making friends with the cute shy girl
  4600. >Two-person project
  4601. >Odd number of students in class
  4602. >Anon gets paired up with Twilight AND Moondancer because Moonie was the odd one out
  4603. >Cue two best friends panicking because they're going to be spending a bunch of time with a boy over the course of the next month or so
  4604. >"Do I bring snacks? Do boys like snacks?"
  4605. >>"Get something healthy! Boys are always eating salads and shit at lunch!"
  4606. >On the way to Twilight's house, Anon grabs a bag of chips for them all to share
  4609. >Anon, Twilight, and Moondancer are done working on the project for the day
  4610. >Twilight is sure Anon will immediately declare that he's going home so that he doesn't have to be in her and Moonie's presence any longer than he has to be
  4611. >Moondancer seemingly saves the day when she pipes up and suggest they relax and watch a movie
  4612. >Twilight is about to reprehend her for being creepy ("Oh my god, Moondancer, now Anon will think the two weird nerds have got the hots for him!"), but Anon cheerfully agrees
  4613. >Cut to an hour later
  4614. >Everyone's sitting on the couch
  4615. >Anon in the middle with Twilight and Moondancer on either side of him
  4616. >At some point, Anon's fingers ended up entwined with Moondancer's
  4617. >She's too nervous to risk squeezing his hand, lest he realize what was SURELY a mistake, and then he'll take his hand away
  4618. >Anon has fallen asleep and his head is resting on Twilight's shoulder
  4619. >Both girls are wondering if this is what first base is
  4620. >"Are we married now?"
  4627. >Be Bon Bon
  4628. >You're madly, hopelessly in love with a stallion
  4629. >Not just any stallion
  4630. >A green stallion
  4631. >A green stallion who's not a stallion
  4632. >A green human
  4633. >A green human whose name starts with A and ends with nonymous
  4634. >Who's a dyke now Mom?
  4635. >Okay enough stalling, time to do what you came here to do
  4636. >You've gotta mare up
  4637. >You shakily make your way over to the table that Anon is eating lunch at
  4638. >You watch as he takes large bites of his greasy hayburger before seductively licking the remaining grease off his fingers
  4639. >He wasn't like other stallions who only ever ate salads and went on 'diets'
  4640. >That's part of what drew you to him
  4641. >Most stallions you tried courting turned you down because they were afraid you'd make them fat with your sweets
  4642. >Anon was different though
  4643. >He always came into your shop every week to buy a big bag of candy and a small bag of something he hadn't tried out yet
  4644. >Sometimes you even asked for his advice on new candies that you wanted to start making
  4645. >Finally you realize that Anon is waving a hand in front of your face and that you've been staring at him for the past couple of minutes
  4646. >Your face flushes from embarrassment
  4647. >"Equestria to Bon Bon, you there?"
  4648. "Y-yeah. Sorry Anon, j-just thinking y'know?"
  4649. >"Yeah, I know what that's like, sometimes I do it too. So did you come over for something specific or did you just wanna hang out?"
  4650. >This is it
  4651. >The big moment
  4652. >You can't chicken out now
  4653. >You swallow, making an audible gulp, as you shakily reach into your pouch
  4654. "Y-yeah, actually, I w-wanted to give you these."
  4655. >You hold out the bag filled with heart shaped chocolates to him and he takes it gently from your hooves before inspecting it
  4656. >"These a new candy you want my opinion on?"
  4657. >You shake your head furiously
  4658. >This is the moment of truth
  4659. "A-actually I was h-hoping you w-would go out w-with me?"
  4660. >"Like on a date?"
  4661. >Not trusting your voice you just nod
  4662. >He inspects you and starts hmmm'ing
  4663. >For a few seconds you think that this might be a bad idea
  4664. >That is, until he answers
  4665. >"Yeah, I'd like that. What time?"
  4666. >It took you a moment to register that
  4667. >He said yes
  4668. >HE SAID YES!
  4669. >Sweet Celestia it felt like you were on the most intense sugar rush ever!
  4670. >You wanted to do nothing more than prance around in joy, but you managed to control yourself
  4671. "Would Friday after I close up shop be good?"
  4672. >"Yeah, works for me. I'll see you then."
  4673. >You just give him your widest grin before galloping off
  4674. >You've got to tell Lyra about this!
  4682. We need more de-aged Anon seducing older mares/women while playing the innocent child card. There was the Principle Celestia with second-generation Anon, I suppose, and plenty of prompts with Anon being adopted by one alicorn sister while the other lusts after him, but none that really goes into depth.
  4683. >Anon was ten.
  4684. >Well, more like he was twenty-three, but his body had shed the extra years in transit between realities.
  4685. >He could have explained, perhaps, that he was an adult in a child's body, but that would have been a lot of work, and really, this was more fun.
  4686. >Being able to get away with shit because he's a kid has been great.
  4687. >Plus he's a boy, which gives him double-immunity to consequences.
  4688. >Anything inappropriate he does just gets chalked up to whimsy or him not knowing any better.
  4689. >Oh, and teasing mares has been pretty fun to.
  4690. >His favorite so far:
  4691. "Oh wow, ponies are so pretty! Can I pet you Miss Pony? I can? Yay! Oooh, so soft! Hey, what are these? I'm sorry! I didn't know I wasn't suppose to touch them without askin'. Teets? Heh, that's funny sounding! Can I touch them again? Yeah, I'll be gentle! Heheh, they're warm and squishy... Hey, what's that smell? It's kinda musky."
  4692. >If anything, he was doing a service, separating the pervs from the good, moral mares.
  4693. >Sure, he may be an adult, but other children around him aren't and it was important to protect their innocence from pedo-mares.
  4694. >He's been putting Cheerilee through the ringer, but she's held firm against his faux-innocent advances.
  4695. >Still, he can see the struggle in her eyes.
  4696. >She could be dangerous to the little colts of her class...
  4704. Billy Mays (blessed be his name) Anon
  4705. >Anon was an "As seen on TV" salesman on Earth
  4706. >Magical bullshit sends him to EqG/mlp take your pick
  4707. >He uses his charisma to get by selling stuff on a street corner in Manehatten or wherever
  4708. >He gets noticed by someone in a high place or something
  4709. >He sells MagiClean! It gets the tough stains out!
  4711. > Gets noticed by a businessmare
  4712. > Asks if he would be willing to do a full sales pitch for her in her office
  4713. > He agrees, bringing examples of his products
  4714. > The businessmare is visibly bored as he goes on about how his cleaning chemicals can remove any stain
  4715. > It's not like she's some stallion homemaker
  4716. > After he demonstrates with a few different stains, she asks if he could demonstrate how it works on semen and marecum, perhaps on carpeting like what is in her office
  4717. > Anon asks if she'd be willing to help him with that demonstration
  4718. > After a very enjoyable rut against the desk, Anon immediately reverts to salesman mode, and cleans up the stain with his product
  4719. > The businessmare is impressed in spite of herself, and invests in his business
  4728. >Anon was a magus participating in the Holy Grail War for the magic wish prize.
  4729. >He summons a Servant who happens to be female. 
  4730. >Together, they face countless battles, slaying the other Servants and a few Masters as the conflict makes them grow closer. Eventually, after much struggle, they win. 
  4731. >But the last Master is a sore loser and throws a destructive spell at the Holy Grail, the wish granting device.
  4732. >In a hellacious firestorm, Anon and his Servant are denied their wishes. 
  4733. >Instead, space rips apart and throws both Master and Servant to RGRE.
  4734. >Embittered by the loss and the knowledge that they can't go back, the two take comfort in being with each other and try to build a life.
  4735. >It's not easy with the strange, almost backwards pony-like inhabitants of this world, who insist on sticking a curious and overly magical nose into everything they do.
  4736. >Really, they confuse the ponies a great deal. The female being the stronger one is something they're used to, but watching her defer to a male like a superior makes no sense. Other quirks just add on to it.
  4738. Hard mode: Anon summoned Tamamo no Mae, who insists on being a perfect wife to her Master.
  4740. >Anon, like most magi, is decently smart and crafty.
  4741. >Just walking into a town of aliens is a no no. 
  4742. >Instead, he has Tamamo transform both him and her into ponies.
  4743. >It's strange, uncomfortable, and he needs to have her reapply the spell whenever he releases it and changes back, but it'll have to do. 
  4744. >Some befuddling charms on a bank teller later, and they're set. 
  4745. >Ponyville knows the pair of monos who moved in are about as weird as they come, but don't think much of it. 
  4746. >...Until a magic detector Twilight was working on goes haywire as they pass the castle one day
  4753. >Be Anon
  4754. >Be in highschool with your gf
  4755. >Your girlfriend is in a goth phase
  4756. >She started wearing the typical black cloths and stuff
  4757. >She uses dark blue eyeliner and weird slit pupil contacts as well
  4758. >She started calling herself Nightmare Moon
  4759. >So edgy you got cuts from hearing it
  4760. >You have inadvertently achieved a great thing
  4761. >You have a big titty/booty goth gf
  4762. >You don't care how she looks either way
  4763. >You just love her
  4770. > Anon draws a series of hentai involving time stop
  4771. > It's decently popular, and he makes a living off of it
  4772. > Meanwhile it sparks a wave of unicorns studying magical and temporal theory
  4773. > Twilight is pleasantly surprised Starswirl is getting the attention and recognition he deserves, until she finds out why
  4774. > Starlight Glimmer becomes increasingly nervous
  4775. > During her revenge-fueled reseach into timelines, she developed a time stasis spell
  4776. > She promises to herself that she won't use it for evil, but every time a stallion is rude to her, the temptation rises
  4778. >It's not evil if she just *looks* right?
  4779. >She can just stare at his flanks for a while, and he'll never even know.
  4780. >She can even take a peek at his balls.
  4781. >It's not hurting anybody.
  4782. >He doesn't even know, so it's not like she's stare-raping him or embarrassing him or anything.
  4783. >Just an innocent little lewd lookyloo
  4790. >Anon was fat back on Earth
  4791. >Realized early on his chances of getting a girlfriend were about as slim as he wasn't
  4792. >Accepts it early on, just works on making friends while ignoring >tfw no gf
  4793. >Eventually, Anon arrives in Equestria
  4794. >The lack of vehicles to ride, junk food to eat, and computers to sit in front of for hours means he has to walk, eat healthily (or don't eat at all), and wander around town to find things to do
  4795. >Over the course of a year or two in Equestria, Anon sheds all his excess weight
  4796. >Anon is now physically attractive to ponies, but he's so used to NOT being so that it doesn't even register in his brain that mares might actually be hitting on him
  4797. >Anon's mare friends see him as a precious innocent babbu whose smile must be protected at all costs
  4804. >Anon dies, and becomes the voice inside some mares head.
  4805. >Said mare is decidedly freaked out that there is now a deep, masculine voice commentating on her life.
  4806. >She knew she was thirsty, but not crazy too.
  4807. "Come on, go for it."
  4808. >"Sh-shut up, you aren't real..."
  4809. "Totally am, and that guy is totally checking you out. Come on, talk to him."
  4810. >"Guys like that aren't interested in mares like me."
  4811. "Moondancer, babe, you're fucking adorable. Seriously, you pull off the the cute nerd-look perfectly."
  4812. >"I don't know where in my head you came from, but being a nerd doesn't exactly have the stallions lining up."
  4813. "If I still had a dick, I'd wear you around it like you wear that sweater."
  4814. >Meanwhile, ponies are starring at the blushing, gibbering mare sitting by herself in the corner of the restaurant.
  4815. >Yikes, best stay clear of that one.
  4816. >She's nutso
  4824. >Dorfs innaquestria
  4825. >The Dwarves are a reclusive people, and are infamous for their ability to hold a grudge.
  4826. >Though their multiversal counterparts would probably call them a bunch of soft hearted forgiving fools, considering the relative ease with which an entry can be stricken from the Book of Grudges.
  4828. >They are also nearly unmatched when it comes to magic that shapes the earth.
  4829. >Earth ponies hold the advantage in the magic of growing things.
  4830. >The Diamond Dogs may be able to practically smell crystals.
  4831. >The Dragons may be able to swim in lava.
  4832. >And the Minotaurs claim many fine smiths among their ranks.
  4833. >But the dwarves have them all beat when it comes to digging and shaping and crafting.
  4834. >They claim mastery over rock and metal and gems.
  4836. >But mares are mares, and a lot of them only ever learn a few things about the Dwarves.
  4837. >Chief among them, is that they have the opposite gender problem as Ponies, and most equestrian species for that matter.
  4838. >For every Dwarf woman, there are 3 men.
  4839. >And stranger still, dwarves are nigh exclusively monogamous, even their royalty. Meaning 2/3 of the males will never marry.
  4840. >Even the more prudish stallions don't understand how so many of those single dwarves see no problem with this situation.
  4842. >Ponies rarely interact with Dwarves.
  4843. >The Pie family is one of the few to have good relations with them.
  4844. >The Rock Farm is close to the outer reaches of one of the dwarven kingdoms. And they have aided one another in the past.
  4845. >Holder's Boulder was actually carved by the dwarves, and then stolen by a dragon.
  4846. >Holder Cobblestone, ancestor to the Pie's, reclaimed it. The dwarves allowed him to keep it, a gift for his hospitality, and for returning several other artifacts of theirs in the Dragon's keeping.
  4847. >The Boulder partly represents the bond between them. Any formal meetings between the Dwarves and the Pie's will take place there.
  4848. >Limestone takes caring for it very seriously.
  4850. >Limestone had never yet gone to see what the Choosing Stone had to say about her future.
  4851. >She felt the urges, like any mare, but she'd never felt like it was time.
  4852. >Until her parents asked her to reconsider. She wasn't getting any younger. And unlike her sisters Pinkamena and Maud, she had put no effort into alternative methods of finding a stallion.
  4853. >She wasn't sure what she expected.
  4854. >But she certainly didn't expect the Choosing Stone to choose a Dwarf for her.
  4855. >What if he didn't want this? He wasn't a pony, a Dwarf might not put any stock in a pony tradition. Especially for something like marriage.
  4856. >What if he didn't like her?
  4857. >What if? What if? What if?
  4858. >[Distressed Limey Noises]
  4864. Or, he's not really in-her-head, just invisible and stuck floating over her shoulder
  4865. >"You're not real, you're not real, you're not real," Moondancer chants under her breath as she keeps her head down and eyes hidden from the confused and worried stares of the ponies around her.
  4866. >Her sweater is crumpled and she didn't put her mane up like she usually does.
  4867. >She'd been hoping the voice would have left her after a night's rest, but it's still their after nearly two weeks.
  4868. >She is mentally ill, and she needs help.
  4869. "Seriously, Moondancer, I'm sorry I'm freaking you out. You don't think I'm freaked out too? I did not think this is how I would be spending my afterlife."
  4870. >"Not real. not real, not real."
  4871. >Anon sighs, being dragged along by an unseen force as Moodancer walks down the street, the crowd parting around the obviously disturbed mare.
  4872. "Okay, maybe I was pushing a little hard on the losing your V-card thing. That's on me. I mean, getting laid was kind of my special talent back home, so I figured, 'Hey, why else would I be stuck with some borderline NEET with a porn addiction?' I just figured I was meant to pass on what I know, ya know?"
  4873. >"Not real, not real."
  4874. "Okay, that's really getting old. And can you pay attention to where you're walking, please? I don't want to spend my afterlife dead."
  4875. >Moondancer continues her mutterings as she makes her way to the hospital, unaware of the world around her as she steps into the street.
  4876. >As a result, she doesn't notice the no-crossing sign, and makes to move right in front of a speeding cart loaded with cabbages.
  4877. Anon does, however, and calls out, "Holy fuck, watch out!"
  4878. >Moondancer whips her head up and comes to a stop just in time for the cart to wiz by, an inch away from smashing her muzzle.
  4879. "Phew, that was close. You were almost a Moondancer sandwich... You probably didn't get that reference."
  4880. >"You... knew that was coming?"
  4881. "Uh, yeah, because unlike you, I'm actually watching where we're going."
  4882. >"But... how?"
  4890. >turns out there’s actually a reason Anon ends up in RGREqG
  4891. >Anon is the reincarnation of the prince of an ancient space kingdom, whose soul was sent to another dimension by his parents after his death for his own safety as the kingdom was destroyed by an Eldritch Abomination
  4892. >his transportation to RGREqG was caused by the queen’s advisor, who is of course a talking cat.
  4893. >the cat explains that the Eldritch Demon and it’s minions are reawakening, and will destroy the Earth if unopposed.
  4894. >only Anon and the reincarnations of his past life’s personal bodyguards, who are all boys, have the power needed to defeat them.
  4895. >Anon, having watched a few magical girl anime back home, sees where this is going and is all for it.
  4896. >until he sees the skimpy frilly outfit he had to wear while transformed
  4897. >then there’s the fact that most of his abilities are based on healing and purification rather than offense 
  4898. >at which point he decides to follow the Homura Akemi Method and use stolen heavy artillery to kill the monsters of the week until he finds the other magical boys, much to the advisor cat’s horror
  4899. >then there’s the reincarnation of the prince’s lover, a Princess of another fallen space kingdom, reborn in the modern age as the human counterpart of Sunset Shimmer
  4900. >she misuses her ancient space magic to rob jewelry stores
  4901. >naturally they hate each other in their civilian identities but have a Batman/Catwoman dynamic in costume.
  4903. Plot twist: Anon actually isn't the reincarnation of the prince, something got messed up and Anon ended up taking his place, that's why he doesn't act like they expect him to
  4905. >the cat figures out the truth, but is conflicted about what to do with Anon now
  4906. >despite not being the real prince, he’s been an effective leader for the team despite his crude and violent methods
  4907. >he and rest of the team have become fire-forged friends
  4908. >even the cat itself has grown to appreciate him, and it’s not dumb enough to think taking back the powers and erasing his memories will go over well.
  4909. >but still, it has a job to do, and it wasn’t lying when it said the prince was the only one capable of defeating the Eldritch Demon.
  4910. >the prince’s soul houses a tremendous hidden power that eclipses all the other magical boys’ combined.
  4911. >it’s one of those Propchecy things that will have catastrophic consequences if not followed 
  4912. >the cat is surprised when Anon figures out the truth and willingly steps down, promising to continue to support them in any way possible.
  4913. >acts as the team’s mission control and strategist for a while, occasionally helping from a distance by sniping grunt level monsters.
  4914. >however, using the powers for as long as he did caused some of the magic to ‘stick’ to his body
  4915. >exposure to Equestrian magic after a visit to Canterlot High ‘ignites’ that spark, allowing him to become a magical boy
  4916. again with unique powers all his own
  4918. >You are Anonymous
  4919. >Today was a complete and utter fucking disaster
  4920. >So much so that you needed to call an emergency team meeting.
  4921. >Flash, Timber, Brawly, and Norman all look similarly incensed.
  4922. >The cause of which was sitting in the center of the room.
  4923. >’Prince’ Blueblood
  4924. >Now you knew going into this magical boy gig that it sounded too good to be true, and you were proven right when it was discovered that you weren’t actually the prince’s reincarnation.
  4925. >You weren’t mad about having to step down. You weren’t going to risk the world being destroyed over your own pride after all.
  4926. >However, apparently Blueblood felt differently.
  4927. >You expected friction when he took over as team leader. The guys were used to you, not him. You were relegated to an advisory role with Hermès, using makeshift communicators to relay info to the team while they were in the field.
  4928. >But the guys relented, their past lives’ loyalty to the crown kicking in. Blueblood was hard to work with, but he wasn’t BAD at leading. He was just more inclined to view the others as subordinates rather than as equals like you did.
  4929. >Then you gained proper powers of your own after visiting that weird Canterlot High School, allowing you to fight again, and things started to go downhill.
  4930. >Admittedly you may have fallen back into the habit of making strategical decisions in the field, but Blueblood took MAJOR offense to that.
  4931. >The fucking idiot started getting more and more reckless to try and prove that he’s a better leader than you.
  4932. >Culminating in today’s utter clusterfuck.
  4933. >You take a deep breath.
  4934. “Okay, let’s review. Today, we were SUPPOSED to deal with a Chaos Empire plot to mind control people using music by sniffing out and attacking the record company they were using as a cover while minimizing as much damage as possible.
  4935. >You point to the TV screen, which was currently on the news displaying a burning wreck of a building
  4943. >Gilda is a gym jock
  4944. >Met Anon at a unisex gym
  4945. >This new reversed gender role Earth was a whole new world for Anon, and that means a whole new world of opportunities, and Anon wasn't going to throw it away again like he did back home
  4946. >Gilda thinks Anon is just a gym bunny at first and thinks he'll be as easy a fuck as he is a gym amateur
  4947. >She offers to help him do his workout shit
  4948. >Anon, full of piss, vinegar, and determination, is somewhat more empty on things like actual knowledge on how the fuck he's supposed to do anything in this gym
  4949. >He accepts
  4950. >She steers him to the men's section of the gym, with smaller weights and at least twice the number of treadmills than the woman's section
  4951. >He asks about the larger machines
  4952. >"Don't worry about those, babe, that's the women's equipment."
  4953. >Anon isn't impressed at her dismissal, but she's giving him a run-down on how all this shit works, so he bites his tongue and listens intently
  4954. >Anon keeps coming back to the gym, to Gilda's surprise
  4955. >"Holy shit, he's actually sticking with it. I thought he just felt bad about eating too much ice cream and cheating on his fad diet, or something like that."
  4956. >Thinks his willpower (and the way he "sweats like a woman") is pretty hot
  4957. >At one point she offers to spot him or otherwise assist him in using some of "the women's machines"
  4958. >Cue that scene in those romantic movies where the man teaches the woman how to do something like play golf, and he slides up behind her and wraps his arms around her to show her how to hold the club
  4959. >It takes a few seconds for Gilda's intentions to sink in
  4960. >"...oh. Oh! Oh, hey, so this is happening."
  4961. >Anon and Gilda bounce off of each other, competing to one-up each other in various exercises
  4962. >All the tension between them that gets built up releases when they get home and fuck
  4968. >Nudity is less of a taboo for women in RGREqG than it is for men
  4969. >It's not unusual to see women walking around topless at the beach on on the street on particularly hot days
  4970. >After Anon becomes accepted as "one of the gals" with the humane 6, they're a lot less body-shy around him than they were before (due to his status of a delicate male whom they would surely be oppressing with their nudity)
  4971. >Anon is surrounded by ass and tits and thanks his lucky stars whenever he goes to one of their houses to dick around and discovers that their AC has broken
  4972. >"Hey, Nonny, I hope you don't mind if I go skins instead of shirts. It's so hot I swear my tits are melting."
  4980. >Anon slouches on this throne, chin propped up on a curled fist.
  4981. >It had been funny at first, you know.
  4982. >A novelty.
  4983. >A pony's sexual stamina was around ten seconds; fifteen if they were lucky, and thirty if they took special potions.
  4984. >By pony standards, Anon just plain didn't get tired.
  4985. >Hell, it was even an ego boost for him a first.
  4986. >Same with how small the ponies were compared to him
  4987. >"Looks like I'll never have to worry about going off too quickly or worrying I'm not big enough," he had thought to himself at the time.
  4988. >But that was months ago, and the novelty has worn off.
  4989. >Now he just wants to GET off.
  4990. >He can't even get privacy when he jacks off, since these tiny horses seem to have accepted him as some sort of love god; they're convinced that being in his presence when he unleashes his UNGODLY stamina will bless them with fertility.
  4991. >That was weird as fuck, so THAT stopped.
  4992. >And now, Anon is just pent up as fuck.
  4993. >He can't just fuck a mare until he cums, because after a few orgasms sex becomes borderline painful for the mare because her cooter becomes so oversensitive, and the poor thing might pass out from dehydration.
  4994. >He tried running a train of mares before, but the entire situation was so disheartening that he just lost interest after he went through four mares and was no closer to cumming than he was when he started.
  4995. >And so he sits
  4996. >On his throne
  4997. >Chin propped up on a balled fist, pointedly ignoring the mares sitting around him who are hoping he'll whip his dick out an bless them with fertility.
  4998. >He's lucky these ponies are so adorable, otherwise he'd go insane.
  5005. >If some think that pony society is unfair, then they haven't seen diamond dog society.
  5006. >D Dogs abilities as individuals are reflected by their breeds alongside of the RGR.
  5007. >Labradors are flexible without set roles.
  5008. >Great Danes are mostly politicians and leaders.
  5009. >Border Collies are nearly all scholars, mathemations, and philosophers with 120+ IQs.
  5010. >German Shepards, Rottweilers, and Doberman Pinschers make up over 98% of the police and military force.
  5011. >Huskies make a bulk of the athletic scene.
  5012. >Pitbulls are often criminals and thugs, staining the reputation of their few law abiding members.
  5013. >Pugs are almost exclusively unskilled labor like many smaller and dimmer breeds.
  5014. >And at the very top of their society is the mythical human, of which no living examples exist.
  5015. >Many breeds, many roles in society to fill. Good luck clawing your way out of your breed's niche
  5018. >You happen by, lost after being dropped in a strange world and totally missing Equestria.
  5019. >The legend of humans is so big with dogs at this point that just seeing one is a an honor.
  5020. >Danes and Collies enter power struggle for his favor.
  5021. >Police and military dogs almost outright fighting to be on his guard schedule.
  5022. >Huskies pulling all the stops on their athlete celeb connections to meet him.
  5023. >Poodles, the artsy counterparts to Huskies, do the same. 
  5024. >More than one kidnapping attempt by pits and other scruffy nogdogs. 
  5025. >Labor breeds excited, but not fully comprehending everything. 
  5026. >And you are caught squarely in the middle of this cluster fuck
  5033. >Celestia walks in on Luna one evening, having a private celebration.
  5034. >It's a room full of rocks. There's big ones, small ones, black ones, white ones, gray ones. 
  5035. >All of them are rocks from the surface of the moon. 
  5036. >Also, there's Maude. 
  5037. >"Good evening, Princess. Would you like to join us? Boulder has met many new and interesting friends from the Moon."
  5038. >Luna is cackling at a joke one of her "friends" "told" her.
  5039. >Celestia backs out very, very slowly and then NOPES the fuck out of there
  5046. >Ponies use magic for TV and shit
  5047. >The most popular show, mostly due to Fluttershy, is a nature documentary about the human that recorders named Anon
  5048. >It ends up more like the True Facts series than an actual documentary
  5049. >Anons face when he comes to Equestria and pones assume he can do physically impossible stuff
  5050. >Also he got barraged by sexist scientist pones
  5053. >An episode of another show, the Equestrian equivalent of "The Crocodile Hunter," features an episode about Anon the Hyoomahn.
  5054. >It was not filmed with his consent, his knowledge, or that of anypony else in Ponyville
  5055. >"Crickey, he doesn't like a hoof in that cloacAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
  5056. >The remaining fourteen minutes of the episode consists mostly of anguished screams and enraged yells as a berserk Fluttershy administers a continuous five-alarm beating to the show's host
  5057. >It is capped off by her attempt to make good on Anon's threat to sodomize anyone messing with his hind end with a very large and spiny cactus on live television before her friends finally manage to talk her back down.
  5058. >It's the top-rated episode of the season and you settle out of court for an undisclosed sum, since they stalked you, filmed you and roofied you without you leave
  5066. >Celestia just begins to work at Canterlot; a teacher, not yet the principal
  5067. >Early 20s, fresh out of university, ready to change some lives
  5068. >Young enough to remember how fucking awful teenagers are, but old enough to think she can make a difference
  5069. >Cue the usual shenanigans that pop Anon into RGREqG
  5070. >He attends Celestia's class
  5071. >Oh_no_he's_hot.png
  5072. >Celestia wants the D
  5073. >"C'mon, Celly-belly, he can't be more than 5 years younger than you are. You're not some sort of creepy pedo-woman if you're basically the same age!"
  5074. >Anon isn't gay, and so he's pretty receptive when Celestia starts hitting on him (in such a way that gives her plausible deniability if Anon isn't down to clown and things go south for her)
  5075. >Has lots of detentions after school with her
  5076. >Canned audience laughter when they both go down on one knee at the exact same time to propose
  5083. >Anon appears inaquestria
  5084. >But not in the cutesy safe part
  5085. >He ends up in horsey-Australia
  5086. >Not the Everfree
  5087. >Anon is confused when there's no ground harness to keep him from flying into the sun
  5088. >He gets a cute dingo wrestling pone gf
  5090. >Anon encounters a giant horse-Australian spider
  5091. >Instead of being just a mindless bug, it speaks to him in mysterious horse-Australia gibberish
  5092. >Calls him a "stroppy sook" and departs
  5093. >Anon wonders if he's in hell
  5100. >ywn be surprised to find Rarity doesn't expect you to spend a few hundred bits on a date
  5101. >ywn find yourself in a small beautiful cafe enjoying a small meal and learning more about her
  5102. >ywn have her stand up to some drunk mares for you in a dignified way
  5103. >ywn walk her home and find her stalling you at the door to keep you there as long as she can without inviting you in since its only the first date and she doesn't want you to think that she's a player
  5104. >ywn take so long that Sweetie Belle will come to check on Rarity
  5105. >ywn nearly have a heart attack when Sweetie Belle asks if you're gonna be her new big brother
  5106. >ywn slowly recover as Rarity apologises and pushes Sweetie Belle inside
  5107. >ywn know that Rarity is actually paying Sweetie Belle a few bits behind the door
  5108. >ywn know that 'using the little sibling card' is a common pick up tactic
  5115. >"Here are true facts about the Hyoomahn"
  5116. >"Hyoomahns are the only ape species that doesn't look gross when shaved. Mostly because they are naturally bald."
  5117. >"Hyoomahns are very mellow creatures, which is surprising due to the way they hunt prey. Why is that human chasing that deer? What is he doi- OH S[beep] blur it!"
  5118. >"That's right folks, hyoomans may look cuddly and harmless but what lies underneath that harmless exterior is a cold blooded predator. Which proves how good at hunting they are because they are warm blooded."
  5119. >"Hyoomahns can hunt like this because they don't want to cool down, they sweat. Imagine being in a room that is too hot, so you cry. With your entire body. That is how a Hyoomahn do."
  5120. >"Because they are both social animals and predators, hyoomahns are great beby caretakers. Hyoomahn bebies are unable to do anything but cry, eat, and poop for the first few years of life. So you better damn well be a good parent. I mean foals are kind of the same but for like a few months."
  5121. >"Just remember, if you are being chase by a Hyoomahn holding a spear, you will either die horribly or he is holding a dildo."
  5129. >it turns out that in pegasus society the father is expected to spend at least a month cradling their foal so that the (nearly blind) child will remember the feel and scent of their arms and will associate them with safety
  5130. >ywn have a foal that literally dives straight into your arms whenever it perceives something as dangerous
  5138. >Be Flitter
  5139. >You had just returned from a bathroom break to find something you really hadn't been expecting to see
  5140. >Your broken egg and a small pegasus foal in Anonymous the human's hands
  5141. >Oh no
  5142. >Oh no, no, no, no
  5143. >This isn't good
  5144. >You hadn't been expecting anypony to touch your egg while you were gone
  5145. >After all it was common knowledge how pegasi reproduction worked
  5146. >The thought that Anonymous, the newest resident of Ponyville who didn't know anything about pony culture, would find your egg
  5147. >This is bad
  5148. >You weren't ready to be a mother yet
  5149. >Even worse, once he learnt about it he could press charges against you
  5150. >After all you left your egg completely unattended which resulted in a male who didn't know what he was doing hatching it
  5151. >You swallowed thickly as his gaze met yours
  5152. >Maybe he wouldn't press charges
  5153. >Maybe you could just be a single mother
  5154. >Who were you kidding, there was no way out of this
  5155. >"Hey Flitter!" he called out to you, "Apparently pegasi come from eggs. Who knew? I wonder whose it is."
  5156. >A sense of dread settles in your stomach
  5157. >Might as well get this over with
  5158. >Hopefully your foal would go to a good home
  5159. >Maybe your sister would take it in
  5160. "I-It's mine."
  5161. >He looks at you in surprise
  5162. >"Oh. Congratulations! Who's the father?"
  5163. >Here it is
  5164. >The moment of truth
  5165. "Y-You are."
  5167. >Anon is put off by the entire thing at first, and for good reason
  5168. >"What, so I touch an egg I didn't even know belonged to a pegasus and now I'm a daddy? What is THIS bullshit?"
  5169. >Spends some time with his foal because he was told that a pegasus foal must spend the majority of its first month of life in its father's arms so that it can associate scent with its parents
  5170. >Pegasus mares give off pheramones that aren't picked up as quickly as those given off by a stallion (or in Anon's case, man), and it takes time to associate the mare with its mother
  5171. >That means the foal will be in severe distress even as its mother tries to comfort it
  5172. >Point is, being cradled by its father is critical to early development
  5173. >Anon might be a bit of an asshole sometimes, but he isn't about to fuck up the life of a creature that didn't ask to be born
  5174. >And so he sits in his bed, back leaning against the headboard and a kitten-sized foal - his CHILD - in his arms.
  5175. >The little filly, eyes still clenched shut due to her age, wriggles restlessly in his hands
  5176. >Her little hooves try to grab onto his fingers, but she's still too small and clumsy to gain purchase.
  5177. >Anon can recognize what a scrunched snootle means, and he isn't surprised when his daughter starts to make distressed chirping noises.
  5178. >"Easy there, Small Fry," he soothes, "It's me, remember? It's daddy."
  5179. >He runs a thumb - which looks far too large in comparrison to the size of his filly - over his daughter's soft blue mane like he's petting a kitten.
  5180. >With each pass, the filly's nostrils flare, and she starts to calm down.
  5181. >Anon doesn't know when he started smiling.
  5182. >"See? That wasn't so bad, Fry. You're safe here."
  5183. >He gently boops his daughter on her tiny nose and, in an unexpectedly burst of coordination, she manages to wrap her forehooves around his thumb and bring it to her mouth
  5184. >Anon can't identify the feeling in his heart when his daughter, eye still shut tight, starts to gnaw on his digit with a toothless mouth.
  5193. >Anon was a master craftsman and home builder before arriving in Equestria.
  5194. >His homes were always beautiful, and made entirely by hand.
  5195. >His hand.
  5196. >Anon was a rare, old master who did everything himself, making each house a signature piece worth hundreds of thousands.
  5197. >Then he gets sent to Equestria.
  5198. >No big deal.
  5199. >As long as he had wood and the other materials he needed, he'd just continue with his work.
  5200. >As a matter of fact, as hard as it was to work without power tools, Anon could honestly say he was proud of his accomplishment.
  5201. >Perhaps it wasn't his greatest creation, but he had worked hard on it, and felt any pony who bought the home would be happy with their purchase.
  5202. >...Except, who would trust a house made by a stallion?
  5203. >It was no doubt shoddily built, and would probably collapse onto any pony foolish enough to live inside.
  5204. >Anon has never been so insulted.
  5205. >The human tries to sell his house, but their are no takers, and all that he invested into the project is lost.
  5206. >He lives for some time in his creation, but the stress is too much, and he dies.
  5207. >A century later, a beautiful house, almost a manor, sits on a lonely hill, and a mare real estate agent is sent to check it out.
  5208. >The townsfolk below tell her that it's haunted, but that's ridiculous.
  5209. >It's prime real estate, and a perfect candidate for a quick profit after her company buys it from the town for cheap.
  5210. >Now this mare just has to examine the place, check for damage and make a list of reparis, and they could get ot work flipping the place.
  5211. >That is, if she can survive the night with the embittered soul of the architect.
  5212. >Ponies didn't want his home then, they couldn't have it now
  5214. >Anon is sort of a clueless ghost
  5215. >Having devoted his entire life to his trade, he never had much time for friends
  5216. >When he starts to haunt the house, he tries to scare ponies in ways that would scare himself
  5217. >The real estate agent is confused when she finds hammers with broken handles in places she KNOWS had no such objects just a few moments ago, and small cuts of wood that have evidence of termite damage
  5219. >She leaves nonplussed, and the repair crew comes in.
  5220. >While the real estate agent may not have been scared by the odd happenstance around the manor, the carpenter and other handy mares are not having the same reaction.
  5221. >SpookAnon's haunting is terrifying them
  5223. >Despite being scared, these mares are professionals, and they stick with the job.
  5224. >Working in pairs so no pony is alone, they get to work, and begin to notice something else about the home besides the spooky stuff.
  5225. >This place is fantastically built.
  5226. >Every aspect of the manor is masterfully crafted and made to last.
  5227. >Repairs needed are minimum even after a hundred years of being abandoned.
  5228. >As they openly voice these things, they notice the decrease in scary stuff.
  5229. >As a matter of fact, they start to notice things going smoother.
  5230. >Tools misplaced are quickly found.
  5231. >A mare reaching for a hammer just out of reach will grab it somehow.
  5232. >And when unexplained things do happen, it's usually ends up drawing their attention to something that needs to be repaired, but that they didn't take note of earlier.
  5233. >When they get the house properly wired and turn on a new electrically lit chandelier in the dining room, they look on their work proudly, then one mare gasps and points to a window.
  5234. >As the rest turn, they see letters appearing upon the misted glass right before their eyes.
  5235. >It reads, "THANK YOU"
  5238. >The mare is spooked byflickering lights, spooky groans, and slamming cupboards for the bulk of the night.
  5239. >THen Anon, after revving up the terror, speaks to the frightnened mare.
  5240. "TrEsPaSsErS WiLl DiE!!!"
  5241. >"No, please, I'll le- Wait... are you a guy?"
  5242. "Ah... YeS?"
  5243. >The mare's face goes to confused, to scrunched up in laughter as she rolls on her back.
  5244. >"Oh my Goddess! I can't beleve I was afraid of a stallion ghost! Ha! What're you gonna do? Talk my ear off? H-hey, if I leave the kitchen alone, will that make you feel better? I mean, the kitchen is probably the center of the haunting! M-make me a sandwich, ghosty!"
  5245. >Anon stares blandly from his place hovering above the cracking up mare.
  5246. "You realize I intend to kill you, right?"
  5247. >"Yeah, sure ya are, sweet cheeks," she responds with a roll of her eyes. "Hey, you got a ghost dick? Maybe we can salvage this night with some fun. I mean, when was the last time you got any? Don't any of those chicken mares from town are brave enough to come up here."
  5255. >Anon is what would traditionally be called a "Certified BadAss."
  5256. >He literally has a certificate stating as such.
  5257. >Over his life, he's been on many a globe-trotting adventure, and has violently murdered many a would-be supervillain or criminal.
  5258. >During one escapade in which he was asked by a world power to handle a mad scientist, Anon stumbles upon a plan to summon demons from another realm to take over Earth.
  5259. >After stabbing the scientist many, many times, he sets about trying to turn off the machine, but doesn't understand the controls.
  5260. >Maybe he should have held off on the stabbing, but it was too late now.
  5261. >Stabbing got him into this mess, and stabbing would get him out.
  5262. >Charging at the machine as it's powering up, Anon starts plunging his heavy knife into the metal casing, the blade puncturing the device with ease.
  5263. >He gets seven viscous stabs in before the rippling air in the middle of the large ring tears violently, and creates a powerful vortex to realms unknown.
  5264. >The machine is sparking and spitting fire, and Anon is sure it will cease functioning any minute, but that doesn't help when he's so close and is already being sucked into the portal.
  5265. >Anon disappears from the world, having saved it one final time...
  5267. >...Anon later awakes in a peaceful, forested area, and stands up.
  5268. >He sees smoke not far off, and assumes that their must be civilization that way.
  5269. >Of all the crazy stuff he has seen, colorful, talking ponies would not normally even register on the scale.
  5270. >Tiny talking ponies who treat him like a delicate little flower, however, is a bit strange.
  5272. >Murder.
  5273. >The unforgivable crime.
  5274. >The ultimate evil.
  5275. >A murder hasn't occurred in Equestria in thousands of years.
  5276. >So long in fact, that Princess Celestia has forgotten all about the charm she had inscribed within the very walls of her castle.
  5277. >If a murderer where to ever set hoof within her fortress, they would be swiftly contained by the spell, and she would be made aware of the monster in her mitts.
  5278. >She spits hot tea across the table and into a noble's face when the alarm goes off.
  5279. >It couldn't be...
  5280. >She never thought she'd have to face such a being, and even worse, her prize student was supposed to be visiting with a colt from another world today.
  5281. >This certainly wasn't going to make a good first impression for Equestria.
  5282. >She rushes to the entrance where the alarm was telling her the monster was, and arrives to a curious sight.
  5283. >There was her student frantic and fretting over a tall, well-muscled creature.
  5284. >Then she sees the stones wrapped around its ankles and wrists, having shot straight up from the floor to entrap the creature.
  5285. >Oh.
  5286. >Oh dear.
  5287. >"Princess Celestia! Quick you have to do something! The castle is attacking Anon!"
  5288. >The creature named Anon simply stares at her blandly, lifting his stone encapsulated hands which were bound together like cuffs.
  5289. "Can you get these things off of me? I need to take a leak."
  5290. >He didn't seem worried at all, and lifted those bindings like they were nothing.
  5291. >They had to way a hundred pounds easy.
  5293. >"Christ almighty, these are heavy," he chuckles. "You could kill someone with these."
  5294. >That gives both you and your former student pause.
  5295. >"...Another human figure of speech?"
  5296. >White feathers flare up instinctively.
  5297. >Twilight however seems to be frantically taking notes.
  5298. >You're sure you're thinking the same question though.
  5299. >What species would be so violent as to adopt a phrase like that?
  5300. >"Princess!" Twilight frantically calls snapping you back to the situation at hoof.
  5301. "Uhm yes. I-"
  5302. >You clench your jaw.
  5303. >...He hasn't hurt any pony yet, has he? 
  5304. >Maybe whatever "murder" he did caused a hiccup in the security?
  5305. >You look back to your student who seems to be worried as ever.
  5306. >But it's not a worry of danger.
  5307. >It's one that is yearning for the safety of a good friend.
  5308. >You nicker and nuzzle the creature's shoulder, hoping it would calm him down enough to not attack.
  5309. "Please, give me a moment, it's been very long since that alarm went off. I'm sure it's a fluke though."
  5310. >You give him your signature warm smile, and he grins in turn.
  5311. >That's not the grin of a cold blooded murderer.
  5312. >Then again, who remembers or even knows what that looks like? 
  5313. >Against all better judgment you let him go with a cast of a spell, and the human rushes off to do his business.
  5314. >You'll have to keep a very close eye on that one
  5333. >Supervillain Anon travels to Ponyville through a failed portal invention
  5334. >Sees the land as ripe with possibilities
  5335. >They don't kill, and their court systems seem more than lenient
  5336. >Even their greatest weapon, the "Elements of Harmony" are non-lethal, and judging from various uses of them, a singular big beam attack is easy enough to avoid
  5337. >On top of all that, he's not actively seen as a threat being a male
  5338. >Anon starts to scheme
  5339. >Unfortunately, due to the inherent magic of this world, his plans always fall through for one reason or another
  5340. >If it's not his machines breaking
  5350. >Anon chats about Earth pretty often
  5351. >His friends, mostly consisting of the mane 6, put up with it
  5352. >They were assigned to keep an eye on him and make sure he wasn't a thread (male or not), and you can only hang around a non-assholeish person for so long before you start liking them.
  5353. >One thing that pops up pretty often is space travel, because Anon thought it was really neat.
  5354. >None of them really believe him, unfortunately.
  5355. >One or two of them think Anon is just enjoying some Coltish Whimsy (TM) because what else is new, but the rest are skeptical because of pony society is pre-industrialization and is generally a mish-mash of different technology and space travel hasn't even been considered seriously yet.
  5356. >Possibly because the whole Mare-On-The-Moon thing has soured ponies' opinion on the idea of escaping Equis.
  5357. >Regardless, Twilight Sparkle is fascinated by the concept of travel between planets
  5358. >Her inner-mare, the part of her that likes explosions and action movies (and the part that Twilight's mother wonders if her daughter even has) thinks riding a tower of explosions off the planet is amazing
  5359. >She frequently sends letters to Celestia babbling about it because "it's so bucking COOL!"
  5360. >One day, Luna just happens to be walking by Celestia when she's reading one of Twilight's letters, and her interest is caught when she hears her sister laugh indulgently.
  5361. >"Luna, take a look at this: Twilight is talking about the stories Anon told her about."
  5362. >>"Anon? The alien, correct?"
  5363. >"That's right. If you believe even half of what he's saying, then his species have sent automatons and several of their own kind beyond the atmosphere and into the cold darkness of space."
  5364. >>"Forsooth?!"
  5365. >"Indeed. His kind even built a machine to transport them to the moon and back again."
  5366. >>"..."
  5367. >"But I expect Anon is just bored. You see this all the time when stallions try to adjust to wildly different situations; they get a bit eccentric, you see."
  5368. >An obsession is born
  5376. >If Anon has learned one thing from getting into fights, it's that no straight man wants to get into a fist fight with a naked man
  5377. >Anon was a little fucking shit back home, and so stripping nude right before getting into a fight with someone bigger and stronger (or, as was in most cases, less afraid of getting punched in the nose) than he was saved him many times
  5378. >Unfortunately, he now lives in a society where ponies are always nude
  5379. >Stripping nude didn't make ponies want to fight him less like he thought it would, it just made them think he wanted to fuck them instead of fighting
  5380. >"Oh, hey! You're finally ditching those clothes, huh? Well, I'm happy to see you're making an effort to integrate into our society, Anon. So, uh... you doin' anything later?"
  5387. >Anon was born different.
  5388. >Born with a power he didn't understand, and one which others came to fear.
  5389. >Misfortune follows Anon, but does not harm him.
  5390. >No, Anon is bad luck for those around him.
  5391. >When he's near, electronics fail.
  5392. >Computers crash.
  5393. >Engines sputter out.
  5394. >Grocery bags rip.
  5395. >High heels snap off.
  5396. >Shoes come untied.
  5397. >All of this and more happens to those who would get close to the poor boy.
  5398. >One day, Anon is wondering a science exhibit.
  5399. >A world fair of the greatest inventions of their generation.
  5400. >In truth, he knew he shouldn't have been there, but it was all just so fantastical that he couldn't stay away.
  5401. >One scientist had even claimed to have made a looking glass.
  5402. >A way to peer into other worlds.
  5403. >Of course, when Anon approached, things went horribly wrong.
  5404. >The scientist had just been turning it on as Anon approached, when suddenly sparks came spewing out of the council.
  5405. >People fled as the device tore a hole in reality, but the scientist was too close.
  5406. >Because of Anon, this brillaint mind was about to be sucked into some dark void.
  5407. >Anon couldn't stand there and do nothing, so he ran forward, and grabbed the scientist's wrist, yanking him back with all of his might.
  5408. >The scientist was free from the black holes grasp.
  5409. >Anon had traded places with him.
  5411. >Mayor Mare realizes that as soon as they got together, the amount of damage to the town went down drastically.
  5412. >The insurance company hasn't been bothering her as much. The budget hasn't looked this good since before that whole NMM thing.
  5413. >There's still the frequent shenanigans of the Mane 6 and the CMC to deal with. But the latter is more of a nuisance than actually expensive, and the former gets grants from the Crown to help foot the bills.
  5414. >They must stay together for the good of Ponyville!
  5419. > Moondancer goes to meet a fellow apefucker who also lives in Canterlot
  5420. > She waits at a table outside a cafe, a 4kun logo on the cover of the book she's reading
  5421. > That's how the other apefucker is supposed to identify her
  5422. > Before long, a mare sits down across from her
  5423. > "35minutesago, I presume?"
  5424. > She looks up 
  5425. "Ye-"
  5426. > It's Fleur de Lis
  5427. > The mare model
  5428. > Also, hampercreeper epon, the mare that's been taking pictures of what you now realise is the human living in Canterlot
  5429. > Moondancer takes a full ten seconds to reboot
  5430. "Yes, that's me."
  5431. > Fleur beams at her
  5432. > "I just love your greens! Your humans are just so cute, but also super lewd!"
  5433. > Moondancer chuckles nervously
  5434. "Ah, thanks. Um. I really appreciate your image dumps, they're pretty inspiring."
  5435. > Fleur waggles her eyebrows
  5436. > "I know, right? By the way, do you have any plans to continue 'On a Plantation'?"
  5437. > Moondancer smiles sheepishly 
  5438. "There's a lot of other stuff that I want to finish first, but I do want to go back to it soon."
  5439. > Fleur looks around, then leans forward to whisper
  5440. > "What if I sucked your clit?"
  5441. > Moondancer starts sweating heavily
  5443. >Fleur is actually herding with Anon
  5444. >That's how she gets those pictures
  5445. >She's trying to get Moondancer to join her herd, but she's not exactly the best at social interactions
  5447. I like the idea of a shy introvert supermodel Fleur
  5448. >The only place she can really let go of the image that she has to keep up is on the internet
  5449. >She finds a kindred soul in Moondancer
  5457. >Anon got into a car crash causing shrapnel of broken metal and glass to get lodged into his head
  5458. >Every doctor who reads about it calls it impossible or a miracle
  5459. >Anon doesn't see it as either when he finds himself blind after coming out of the surgery
  5460. >To remove the smallest fragments they had to disconnect Anon's eyes
  5461. >They reckoned being blind was better than being dead
  5462. >Anon doesn't reckon so
  5463. >Often gets himself into dangerous situations to prove that losing his eyes didn't make him fragile
  5464. >Anon stumbles into Equestria cause blind reasons
  5465. >Morefragilethanever.jpeg
  5466. >Ponies are able to give him magical eyes however
  5467. >Mad-Eye Moody 2.0
  5468. >Twilight asks Anon to teach lessons at her school
  5469. >She really wants to add a colt's touch to the curriculum
  5470. >She can't help but wonder what he'll teach
  5471. >Meanwhile in the classroom
  5472. "Anon. Y. Mous. Ex-Resident of Earth, Society Malcontent, and your new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher. I am here because Twilight Sparkle requested it of me, end of story, goodbye, the end. Any questions?"
  5473. >"Sir what are the Dark Arts exactly?"
  5474. >"Probably when his coupons for the spa expire"
  5475. "Actually Mr. Smoulder the Dark Arts are your mother's fat arse"
  5476. >"The hell did you say monkey man?"
  5477. "Oh I'm sorry are you a actually a Miss Smoulder I couldn't tell?"
  5478. >"Wh- what? why I ought to-"
  5479. "What you ought to do is sit down so I can tell you about the number of creatures that could eat you whole you scaled brat. When it comes to the Dark Arts I believe in a practical approach. But first, who among you can tell me how many indigenous creatures dwell in the Everfree?"
  5480. >"Um there are 73 sir"
  5481. "Excellent Miss Ocellus, 73 different animals that can and will slaughter you if you give them the chance. Which is why I am here, so that I can teach you not to give them that chance."
  5482. >"Sir I'm sorry but what does this have to do with friendship?"
  5483. "Because some of the fuckers in there are clever little bastards and you will have to use teamwork to kill them before they kill you. Now the teachers would say you're too young to learn about these creatures, I say different. You need to know what you're up against, you need to be prepared and you need to find a better place to put your gum besides the underside of your desk Mr. Gallus"
  5484. >Twilight doesn't even begin to wonder what she's unleashed until a few weeks later when she accidentally gets handed in one of the assignments from Anonymous' course
  5485. >Titled "All 22 Weaknesses of the Ursa Family and how to Exploit Them"
  5493. >Celestia is considered by many to be a nigh invincible immortal, an incomparably powerful mage, and a chessmaster of the highest order who has guarded the safety of her little ponies with deft hooves for a thousand years.
  5494. >While she is quite durable thanks to her alicorn nature, and a little more magically potent than average for the same reason, a Starswirl she is not.
  5495. >She knows many spells, simply as a function of having time to have learned them, but she's not a magical genius. The finer points of mathemagical theory have always been a struggle for her to grasp.
  5496. >What she is best at, she has an instinctual understanding of, like her ability to raise and lower the sun. If she wasn't such a morning person, she could do it without even getting out of bed.
  5497. >Luna was actually the superior mage of the two, but during their confrontation, Celestia was the one who could wield the Elements of Harmony, and Luna could not.
  5499. >And a chessmaster she is not. She can actually be a little bit ditzy. 
  5500. >She can be charming and persuasive when dealing with diplomats and nobles, and her good intentions take her far.
  5501. >She's not very manipulative, but she can usually get a good 'feel' for whether someone is lying to her or just has a 'bad vibe' about them.
  5502. >But she isn't actually all that effective at governance. She struggles with things like like the nitty gritty details of policy, and balancing the budget.
  5503. >But the castle staff, the bureaucracy, are usually competent enough to compensate for any of her shortcomings.
  5504. >In truth, her secretary Raven is one of the most powerful ponies in the land, at least politically.
  5505. >Occasionally a scandal will erupt, because one of Celestia underlings is abusing things for their own gain, and gets caught doing it.
  5507. >She is more of a figurehead than a puppeteer. And while some of the nobles think they could do a better job, collectively, they like how things are.
  5508. >She's immortal, and that means stability.
  5516. >Anon suspects that the princesses might not be as powerful as they seem
  5517. >Sure, they move celestial bodies, but that's their special talent and might not be a 1:1 indication of their power
  5518. >Anon starts getting cuddly
  5519. >He's larger than ponies are and they generally weigh less than he does, so he just shamelessly picks up the princesses and carries them around in his arms
  5520. >Not taking them anywhere in particular, just holding them in his arms
  5521. >He even carries them to where they want to go if they ask him nicely enough
  5522. >He reasons that if they hate being manhandled so badly, they'll zap him with their lasers and be done with it
  5523. >By the end of the week, he's come to three separate conclusions
  5524. >1) They may or may not be holding back their powers because they "don't want to hurt a colt", if their embarrassed mutterings have any truth to them
  5525. >2) He can get them to agree to almost anything if he melts their brains with ear-scritches first
  5526. >3) The princesses haven't been held in hundreds of years and are, as a result, very clingy; he had meant to end the tests after two or three days, but the aformentioned clinginess stretched the experiment out to an entire week
  5527. >Anon now lives at the castle and has been given the title of "Royal Snuggler", and he is no closer to answer the question of how powerful an alicorn is
  5535. >Humans are extinct
  5536. >Except Anon
  5537. >Because fuck everyone else
  5538. >Some magical bullshit flings him into the future or freezes him whatever
  5539. >He is discovered by purple smart and is almost immediately bombarded with questions in a language he can't speak
  5540. >When in doubt whip it out
  5541. >By whip it out he panicked, punched her in the face and ran
  5542. >He just watched his species get wiped out due to [insert catastrophe]
  5543. >He doesn't want to deal with talking mutated horses
  5544. >Eventually they try and lure him out of some random hole in the ground or something with "artifacts"
  5545. >Plastic toys and stuff
  5546. >They thought giving you a reminder of his time would calm him down
  5547. >His face when he thinks they gave him trash for some reason
  5555. >SuperHeroAnon had fought the good fight for years.
  5556. >It was not delusions of grandeur to say that he literally saved the world in that time.
  5557. >He was an idol to many.
  5558. >He was the one the masses turned to in times of hardship.
  5559. >He was the one who was utterly, completely tired.
  5560. >He'd given his life for the greater good.
  5561. >Every day was spent striving for a better tomorrow, even as his feet began to bleed.
  5562. >He trekked on, a hero in the eyes of the people, for if he faltered, so would their hope.
  5563. >But oh how he wanted to lay down.
  5564. >To roll off the path and sleep in a ditch.
  5565. >To let someone else carry to torch, or even let it burn out.
  5566. >But he couldn't.
  5567. >Not until his death.
  5568. >Or, as the case may be, his transportation to a world where no one knew who he was.
  5569. >where nothing was expected of him.
  5570. >Once Anon came to grips with his situation, after the ponies explained they would not be able to send him back, he burst into tears.
  5571. >The mares thought it was because he would never see home again, and he mourned.
  5572. >He never told them that it was joy.
  5573. >It was selfish, perhaps.
  5574. >Would his world survive without him?
  5575. >Would a new hero rise up to take his place?
  5576. >But he could not stop the relief swelling in his heart.
  5577. >It wasn't his choice, he told himself, it was out of his hands.
  5578. >All that he could do was rest.
  5579. >Build a life that He wanted.
  5580. >All the things he denied himself, he could have.
  5581. >A home away from the chaos.
  5582. >Lazy days where his greatest worry would be what he'd have for dinner.
  5583. >Maybe even... a family.
  5584. >He could settle down without fear that villains would target his loved ones.
  5585. >He no longer had to stand alone on a pedestal.
  5586. >He could mingle with the masses while someone else took the spotlight.
  5587. >It was a dream come true.
  5589. >Anon watches the heroes fight from the sideline, and has to resist cringing.
  5590. >They're just so... amateur.
  5591. >The fight has dragged on too long, and collateral damage is piling up.
  5592. >Who do these so-called heroes expect to foot the bill?
  5593. >The tax payers?
  5594. >In the off chance Anon ever allowed this much damage to occur in any of his battles back home, he'd personally aid in the repairs, using his super powers wherever possible while running fundraisers to help cover the rest of the cost.
  5595. He shakes his head when the heroes finally wrap things up, and walks away, licking his ice cream cone.
  5596. >Later that night, he would clear the rubble away while the people slept.
  5597. >It would at least help the construction crew a little, he hoped
  5599. >accidentally becomes a superhero again.
  5600. >only this time he doesn't actually fight
  5601. >he just cleans up the mess after the conflicts.
  5602. >get's labelled The Janitor
  5604. Or, he becomes a "hero" by doing a bunch of mundane tasks like the fundraiser stuff to repair the city, while also starting other programs to help those effected by the heroes and villains having it out all the time.
  5605. He becomes like a city-wide PTA mom, and the heroes who show up at his events always feel like they're getting a disappointed dad stare whenever he looks at them
  5607. >Anon hits the dating scene, and strikes gold on the first try.
  5608. >She's smart, witty, has the cutest, strangely familiar laugh, and loves cats!
  5609. >She always has her ittle Mittens on her lap, lovingly stroking the pussy.
  5610. >The two just hit it off, exchanging banter like it's second nature.
  5611. >On her side, she never thought anything could bring her such joy as this man.
  5612. >He makes her feel like she just orchestrated the perfect crime and stole the crown jewels!
  5613. >She has to play it safe though.
  5614. >He's so pure, it would devastate his little heart if she ever lets him find out she's a mastermind super villain
  5621. >Celestia never forgot how much she loved playing make-believe with her sister as a foal
  5622. >eventually, that grew into a love of stories in general, and a cutie mark quick to follow
  5623. >decided to make her living writing stories
  5624. >makes a few stories to get her footing, but that isn't what she wants to do
  5625. >not really
  5626. >she always loved it when her father told them of his home-world, and Earth was almost as common a destination for her fantasies as the magical kingdom of Equestria was
  5627. >this, she decides, will be her magnum opus
  5628. >the story she will be remembered for forever
  5629. >and besides, colts could always use a bit more stories about them
  5630. >so she picks up her quill and begins to write the first draft of My Little Human, a tale of a magical land ruled by the powerful and just Prince Anonymous
  5638. >Anon gets a TV show on some random channel
  5639. >He is EqGs Bill Nye
  5640. >Scitwi gets a crush on him because
  5641. >A) He's her age and has an interest in science like her
  5642. >B) He goes to her school
  5643. >C) God damn she can barely see that choice bulge through his pants
  5644. >She cooks spaghetti in her pockets trying to ask him out
  5651. >Anon's child grows up to be a fine young man.
  5652. >He's lonely though, and finds himself unable to connect with ponies.
  5653. >He's inherited his mother's tastes, and much to his shame, masturbates to the family photo Anon brought with him from Earth.
  5654. >Specifically, he blows it to the image of the human grandmother and aunt that he's never gotten to meet.
  5655. >One day, another human comes to Equestria.
  5656. >Of course, she instantly seeks out Anon for a sense of normalcy, which she doesn't quite get when she meets a fucking centaur who blushes and trips over his hooves whenever she's around.
  5657. >He's oddly charming though, and she starts to actually like the werido.
  5658. >Likes him enough to start a relationship with him, and eventually become pregnant with his child.
  5659. >Everyone is curious on what the child will look like.
  5660. >Anon himself is confident it will be a satyr, and once he explains what that is, they all agree.
  5661. >Oh, how wrong they were...
  5662. >When Anon's grandson walks around town, ponies have to actively avert their gaze, or else vomit in the street
  5669. >Anon in RGREqG
  5670. >Works as a teacher at Canterlot High
  5671. >A man in his early 20s, he's very much aware that he's surrounded by horny girls who are at the mercy of their freshly-awoken hormones, and that he's also a hot commodity because penis
  5672. >This is what happens when the females outnumber the males 4:1
  5673. >Unfortunately, the teenage girls who are the lusty students here have the same appreciation for hygiene as the teenage boys did back home on Earth
  5674. >Which is to say, almost no appreciation at all
  5675. >The halls are full of the stench of unwashed bodies, and Anon has to hold his breath when he passes by a group of students
  5676. >So close, and yet so far
  5683. >Villanon is asked why he's a villain
  5684. >It's because he's addicted to monologuing, and villains get the best monologues.
  5685. >He doesn't get to hold people hostage and rant at them as a hero.
  5686. >Does he?
  5687. >He gets reformed enough that he now kidnaps other villains so he can rant at them.
  5688. >They argue back, becuase villains like to monologue.
  5689. >But there's two of them doing it back and forth, which makes it not monologuing at all really.
  5690. >Eh, this is fun too
  5698. >Humans have expanded to the stars
  5699. >They don't reproduce by sex anymore
  5700. >They use cloning vats
  5701. >This results in an all male race
  5702. >An all male race that doesn't know what sex is
  5703. >Anon lands on Equestria to see if it can be colonized or brought into the Terran empire
  5704. >Anon is doing his job for that sweet space Bitcoin 
  5705. >Pones want to bang the oblivious space monkey
  5706. >Their faces when they hear that humans are all male
  5712. >Anon is a young prince because he was found as an ugly babbu by ponies but nobody but Celestia wanted to take him in
  5714. >Totally not like a Momlestia Threads because there's no baby-names or Incest involved.
  5716. >The story revolves around Anon trying to make a difference as a young prince when the norm of princes in Equestria are at worst good-for-nothing waste of taxpayers money like Blueblood and consort princes that can't really do much except one exceptional circumstances like Shining at best.
  5718. >Something, Something RGRE
  5722. >Anon was found not as a baby, but still very young
  5723. >Old enough to remember how things were back on Earth, but young enough to still need parents to take care of him
  5724. >As the years go by, he notices how different he's being treated because of his gender
  5725. >"None of the guards ever want to play with me, and they keep saying they'll get fired if they do."
  5726. >"How come miss Raven cusses swears in front of mares, but then she says it's not 'proper' for a colt to say that and I get in trouble?"
  5727. >"Why do the maids look uncomfortable when I hug them in front of Celestia?"
  5728. >As said above, Anon is old enough to realize that things are different and that he (and other males) are being treated differently, just not old enough to realize why
  5729. >He starts to worry that Celestia and the rest of the staff in the castle are treating him delicately because they don't think he's good enough to be treated normally
  5730. >Celestia just thinks he's uncomfortable being surrounded by nothing but mares and coddles him further
  5731. >"If I were a colt and I were stuck with a bunch of horny mares, I'd feel unsafe too."
  5732. >The cycle continues
  5740. >Anon is not attractive by pony standards
  5741. >Fur too thin/non-existent
  5742. >Eyes too small (like a foal's eyes)
  5743. >Bipedal stature makes it look like his knees are bending the wrong way, which nausiates some ponies
  5744. >Face too flat
  5745. >On top of that, doesn't even act the way they expect a male to behave
  5746. >"2/10, would fuck if I were blackout drunk."
  5747. >Anon has been in Equestria for nearly an entire year
  5748. >Long enough for ponies to be used to his presence
  5749. >He even has friends at work; we all have that one friend who's fun to be around but is ugly as sin
  5750. >Hearts and Hooves season rolls around
  5751. >Anon finds a note slipped under his front door
  5752. >It says he has a secret admirer who was too shy to approach him in person, and thought it would be romantic for their first meeting to be during a Hearts and Hooves dinner
  5753. >Anon is way more excited about the prospect of dating than he thought he was; he had accepted he wasn't attractive to ponies, and moving to another country was too expensive at the moment/until he got a better-paying job
  5754. >He's on cloud 9 for the entire week approaching horse-Valentine's day
  5755. >He follows the directions on the letter and heads to an eatery known by romantics
  5756. >Finds a table for two
  5757. >Looks at his watch; just a few minutes before his date is going to show up
  5758. >And then he plays the waiting game
  5759. >Time passes
  5760. >She isn't there yet
  5761. >He checks the letter to make sure he got the time right (not necessary; he's reread it so many times that it's been memorized)
  5762. >"Maybe she got lost."
  5763. >An hour passes
  5764. >Anon keeps checking the door
  5765. >The waiters have noticed and are starting to get uncomfortable; they've seen this before
  5766. >"I'm sure she'll be here soon."
  5767. >Two and a half hours after the time this mystery mare says she'll be there, Anon gives up and leaves
  5768. >Drops some bits on the table to pay for the water and bread sticks he ate while waiting
  5769. >Mutters an apology to the waiter, avoiding his pitying gaze
  5770. >"Sorry for taking up a table."
  5771. >Anon goes to see if the liquor store is still open this late on a holiday
  5773. >the mare who pranked him thought it'd be a good laugh for her and her friends to see the alien go into a rage at being stood up like most stallions
  5774. >but he doesn't angry he just gets sad but remains hopeful
  5775. >by the end of it every mare that's hiding out feels wrong and start calling each other out on what they're doing
  5776. >they feel even worse when they see Anon go into a liquor store and come out with a bottle as big as his head
  5778. >Anon’s friends, even if they think he’s ugly, are furious.
  5779. >That’s just a way too fucked up thing to do to another person, especially someone as nice as Anon.
  5780. >Now the poor guy won’t even come out of his house, he’s so humiliated.
  5781. >They resolve to find out who played such a mean trick on the human and give him/her a piece of their minds
  5788. Anon comes to equestria with his dog. He can’t speak horse, but his dog can. And his dog like a lot of dogs do, see’s anon as a God. 
  5790. How would pony’s react to the odd man they cannot understand, but who’s companion they can understand things is a god
  5797. Turns out that humans as a species just so happen to have a couple of physical quirks that hit all the right buttons for a yak
  5798. >A human's hairline dips deeper down the forehead than a ponies does (and a whole third of the pony population has to make room for a horn, further receding their maneline)
  5799. >Human hair is generally thicker and more shaggy than a pony's straight or wavy mane
  5800. >A human's shoulders tend to be broader compared to their hips when compared to a pony's wither-to-hip ratio, making their upper bodies look larger
  5801. >Human eyes are closer together and more forward-facing, and a human's face overall resembles a yak's more than it does a pony's
  5802. >Even the way human hands and feet and with fingers and toes resembles a yak's cloven hoof more than to does a pony's solid hoof
  5803. >Not to mention that Anon, through a solid month of neglect, has not shaved and now has an impressive beard
  5804. >Yak waifu walks into town to speak with Princess Sparkle and is struck dumb at the sight of Anon
  5805. >"Wh-who is that beautiful creature?"
  5806. >>"...what, you mean Anon?"
  5807. >" 'Anon'... it rolls off yak's tongue like honey."
  5815. >ponies don't really do animal husbandry, what with most large quadrapeds being more employees than livestock
  5816. >sure there are chickens and smaller things like that, but it's just that, small
  5817. >not big enough to get its own word
  5818. >so ponies are right spooked when Rolf keeps mentioning this "shepard" thing
  5819. >some even think that that's what has call their equivalent to alicorns, and that his mom is gonna rip a hole in reality to come beat the ass of whoever's stupid enough to defile her little boy
  5827. >Anon is a Pokemon trainer and his team was sucked in with him.
  5828. >He can't understand ponies, but can mostly understand his team.
  5829. >His pokemon, however, can communicate with the ponies just fine.
  5830. >It's going to take a while for his Metagross and Twilight to figure out how to make a portal back, so they have to get comfy.
  5831. >Most of his team is indifferent as long as they have their trainer and each other. Anon himself is blissfully ignorant of most anything that isn't explicitly translated for him.
  5832. >One pokemon isn't happy, through.
  5833. >His Sylveon.
  5834. >Being keenly in tune with emotions, she can tell what sort of impure thoughts that most mares have for her precious trainer.
  5835. >And that's why she's resolved to stay by his side at all times, least someone try to take advantage of him.
  5836. >In no way shape or form is it jealousy. Not at all. Nope.
  5843. >Charizard lays down in the small front yard of her human's temporary home, enjoying a rub down and massage from her loving trainer. In his hands is a damp rag with some gentle soap. 
  5844. >Fire Type she may be, but some cool water goes a long way in helping loosen dirt and dead skin.
  5845. >He hums a nameless tune she's heard a thousand times, but it's just as soothing as the first time, all the way back when their adventures started.
  5846. >Anon has Floatzel wet the rag again, Charizard notes, looking back.
  5847. >The great lizard feels some irritation that the water rat was groomed first, but she pushes it away.
  5848. >Looking around again, she spots a few of the "ponies" slowing their walking to look at them.
  5849. >Jealous they are. Males are a rare thing around here, and many think her Anon is quite a prize.
  5850. >And indeed his is.
  5851. >He is HER prize.
  5852. >She smirks at each one, meeting them in the eye as she melts into the soft, pampering hands that ooze love from every pore.
  5853. >Many looked angry, but none "had the teats" as they say to say a single word.
  5854. >They're going to HATE her when she gets up and gives her trainer a tounge bath in thanks
  5856. >Sylveon and Salazzle team up to keep their trainer pure.
  5857. >Sylveon wants to keep things low key and non violent. Just stay with him and gently rebuff any mare who approachs.
  5858. >Salazzle just bluntly suggests fighting any rivals and poisoning any they can't win against, much to Sylveon's ire.
  5860. >>Pretend to be pokemon
  5861. I'll expand on that for lulz
  5862. >Anon's pokemans see right through the paper thin disguise every time
  5863. >none of the ponies know about weakening pokemon before catching them
  5864. >Anon's pokemon take great pleasure at beating amorous mare's shit in
  5865. >they take great care to ensure the disguise stays intact until Anon throws a pokeball
  5866. >the relevant pokemon walks up and pulls a scooby doo on the now concussed pony's disguise
  5868. >every fucking time
  5870. >Actual dragons are pissed Charizard gets such treatment.
  5871. >"How did that tubby cunt land such a gem for her hoard? She doesn't even HAVE a hoard!"
  5872. >Ember decides enough is enough when Charizard licks Anon's cheek infront of her to show off and decides to fight her.
  5873. >Gets absolutely stomped by Charizard.
  5874. >Has to bare the shame of being beaten by a such a fat pathetic dragon
  5883. >We got a case of SHAZAM-powers.
  5884. >Anon is a little human boy, strange, but not entirely amazing to ponies any more.
  5885. >What is amazing however, is, upon arriving in Equestria, he met an old wizard who, in fact summoned him.
  5886. >A spell was cast to bring the wizard a tenacious, adept, and most importantly, pure soul to bear the hero's mantle and be granted the powers of the Equestrian gods.
  5887. >Anon, of course, was stoked, and said the activation phrase as soon as possible.
  5888. >He was slightly less stoked to go from a little human boy to a burly alicorn stallion though.
  5889. >Even so, he gets used to it and fights Equestria's various villains of the week.
  5890. >It's fun, but the weird, strangely intense stares he gets from mares while he fights is kind of unsettling.
  5891. >Meanwhile, the Celestial Princesses are in a frenzy.
  5892. >"What do you mean you haven't found him yet?" Celestia asked wit barely restrained frustration.
  5893. >The guard looks nervous, and answers, "He just... disappears as soon as the villains are defeated. And he's so fast, too..."
  5894. >Celestia breathes deeply, and says, "Dismissed, but be on the ready. The alicorn stallion could appear at any moment."
  5895. >As the guard leaves, Celestia stares out the window.
  5896. >She would meet this stallion, and she would bed him.
  5897. >It was fate.
  5900. >they finally do manage to catch Anon, or "Kazap" as they call him
  5901. >but its not because of a cunning plan, or even the princesses overpowering him
  5902. >no, it was just some guard waiting until all the excitement had died down, then walking up to him and placing him under arrest for public indecency
  5903. >the princesses, already accustomed to only arriving in time to pick up the pieces, are shocked to find him still there, sitting next to the guard that arrested him and sipping at a juice box clutched in his hooves
  5904. >turns out he was too much of a good boy to ignore what old mamma Mystery taught him about respecting police officers
  5912. >Cadence hopes her daughter grows up more marely than her. Cadence, even as a princess, still catches some flak for being so colty.
  5913. >Too bad she often let's Anon babysit Flurry. All the coltiness in her gets a big boost from Anon unconsciously reinforcing the behavior with his natural gender role.
  5914. >Flurry ends up a delicate flower, perfect in every way, but the furthest thing from a mare. 
  5915. >Cadence wonders what she was thinking when she thought an alien would be a good babysitter
  5924. >There's a griffon owned butchery in Manehatten
  5925. >Ponies avoid it like the plague, but not because they sell meat
  5926. >It's the hidden, not so secret hide out of the griffon mafia
  5927. >Anon is a regular, but isn't aware that everybird there is part of the mafia
  5928. >Because of his ignorance, he becomes friends with the Don
  5929. >"I like you, Anon. You always like my food, just like my niece Gilda before she left the Family."
  5930. "Oh, she moved away?"
  5931. >"Yes, sadly. She got in the habit of playing with her food, if you catch my drift."
  5933. >Anon slowly befriends everyone within through his naturally happy attitude and warm personality
  5934. >is one first name basis with everyone, and soon finds himself joining their poker nights
  5935. >may or may not be eye candy, though
  5936. >doesn't know much about birdnigger culture though, so whenever he hears them mention a family, he thinks they're all part of one massive flock
  5945. >Anon latches himself on to Chrysalis's back
  5946. >Twilight and the rest of the mane 7 are on the ground beaten and bruised
  5947. >"Anon What are you doing?!"
  5948. >You look at twilight
  5949. >Time to say something cliched
  5950. "Twilight, I know I can't be useful in a fight, I'm the weakest in the group. I want you girls to live on. And I'm goING OUT WITH A BANG!!!"
  5951. >You self destructed, making a crater and throwing up a cloud of dirt and dust
  5952. >The mane 7 look in horror
  5953. >>"Well, that was something."
  5954. >As the cloud clears it reveals a bloodied Chrysalis holding a limp Anon
  5955. >You aren't moving
  5956. >She throws you to the ground infront of them and laughs at them
  5957. >>"He couldn't even sacrifice himself he's so weak! Hahahaha!"
  5959. >As Anon feels the detonation go off time slows for him as he remembers how he got here
  5960. >With how slow it is for him he imagines he's going out like pic related
  5961. >When he gets to Other World and Queen Kai takes pity on him and decides to take him under her wing he learns how he actually went out
  5962. >He refuses to be revived because he's too ashamed to come back
  5963. >Chrysalis (after getting redeemed Vegeta style) is the only one who might have a chance to convince him that he should come back since she was the reason he died
  5965. >Anon I taking a break when Queen Kai walks up to him
  5966. >"Anon someone wants to talk to you."
  5967. "I swear to the green slug man in the sky if they want to try and talk me into reviving I'll scream."
  5968. >"It's not your friends."
  5969. >Feeling confused you place your hand on her shoulder
  5970. >>"Human."
  5971. >Oh
  5972. "What do YOU want?"
  5973. >>"You need to be brought back."
  5974. "Why are you the one telling me to come back?"
  5975. >>"Because your friends need you."
  5976. >Wow being told that by the cunt that tried to kill your friends
  5977. "Why would they need me? I'm useless."
  5978. >>"Oh shut up! You are not useless human! You had the biggest tits out of the entire group! You willingly gave your life to try and save everyone! Are you still that man or is he dead?! Are you just going to wallow is self pity like a coward!?!"
  5979. >This is... unexpected
  5980. "Fuck you I ain't a coward!!! Revive me you bitches anons coming home!!!"
  5982. >Chrysalis and twilight want Anon for thselves for different reasons
  5983. >Twilight knew Anon for years and has a major crush on him
  5984. >Chrysalis repspects Anon for being willing to die for a cause and wants him because that checks off some sexy points in her culture
  5985. >Shenanigans ensue
  5987. >Be Chrysalis.
  5988. >You've been trying to keep a goddess from destroying the earth all day.
  5989. >But soon you realized she disappeared for a bit.
  5990. >Then you noticed Anon was gone.
  5991. >You're mind instantly jumped to the worst.
  5992. >That colt is going to get the world destroyed by saying something stupid!
  5993. >You sense a occasionally flaring and lowering power level from Anon's house and head there as fast as possible.
  5994. >As you get there you notice it's in Anon's bedroom and you rush in.
  5995. >As you sling open the door a musky smell and moans hit you.
  5996. >"Ah, buck me! Harder, harder you filthy ape!" Goddess of Destruction Celestia moans as Anon slaps her flanks while pumping into her.
  5997. >...
  5998. >You wanted the pushover first...
  6008. > Celestia has thousands of years of getting what she wants, though she tries to be reasonable about it
  6009. > Luna comes from a time when the age of consent was much lower, and privilege was truly private law
  6010. > As soon as Cadance becomes princess, she uses her position to crack down on predatory relationships, no matter who is involved
  6011. > Mares and stallions must present proper identification to a Romantic Notary prior to dating or "compensated affection" arrangements
  6012. > You aren't a fan, but the notary overseeing your cuddlehouse is an alright mare, and she has a good sense of humor
  6013. > Celestia shows up, acting nervously
  6014. > She goes up to the desk, tuft prominently displayed
  6015. > "I'm here for some c-cuddles, with a mature stallion."
  6016. > Dotted Line keeps her expression bland
  6017. > "ID please."
  6018. > Celestia levitates a card to the notary
  6019. > Dotted Line looks at, then at Celestia
  6020. > "Miss, it says that you are 15, which is below the age of entry for this establishment."
  6021. > Celestia frantically digs in her saddlebags before producing what is obviously a notecard
  6022. > "Oh, sorry, that was my sister's ID, here's my actual card."
  6023. > Celestia levitates the notecard over, with two bits and a hard candy cunning hidden below
  6024. > Dotted Line accepts the offering without commentary
  6025. > She looks at the card
  6026. > "Miss, this says that you are actually thousands of years old. And it's entirely written in crayon, including your portrait."
  6027. > Celestia starts sweating
  6028. > You choose this moment to intervene, draping yourself across Dotted Line's back, reaching for the card
  6029. "Well, this seems legitimate to me. Why don't I take care of our mature, adult customer while you take a break?"
  6030. > Dotted Line frowns, glancing between you and the princess
  6031. > "But she's obviously-"
  6032. > You slide your arms around the notary, burying your hands in her tuft
  6033. "You could use a break and when I'm done, I'll join you. How does that sound?"
  6034. > Both Dotted Line and Celestia are blushing at this point
  6035. > The notary clears her throat
  6036. > "Very well, I could use a little relaxation."
  6037. > She fixes Celestia with a stern look
  6038. > "Everything seems to be in order, miss. Now move along before I change my mind."
  6039. > Celestia beams at her
  6040. > "Thank you, ma'am!"
  6041. > You nibble on Dotted Line's ear
  6042. "Yes, thank you very, very much."
  6043. > She shivers, biting her lip
  6044. > You disentangle yourself from her, and beckon Celestia upstairs
  6045. > You have work to do, and you plan on enjoying it
  6053. >"So, what'cha ya in for?"
  6054. "Had sex with a kid who told me she was an ancient immortal who only looks prepubescent."
  6055. >"What the fuck, man...? You too. Was it Sweetie Belle?"
  6056. "Apple Bloom."
  6057. >"Fuckin' minxes, all of 'em."
  6059. >Meanwhile, the group of three immortal girls sit solemnly around a table.
  6060. >"Ah can't believe Ah lost another one."
  6061. >"I know, right? How's a 700 years old girl suppose to get any dick when the authorities keep tossing our boyfriends in jail."
  6062. >"You two just gotta keep it on the down low. Seriously, Me and Incognito have been going steady, for, like, six years now."
  6063. >"Yeah, rub it in why don't'cha, Scoots."
  6072. >Relations between Equestria and Labyrinthia have been steadily declining
  6073. >Not on any part of the rulers, but their subjects are having petty squabbles over land
  6074. >Calls for war from the Labyrinthian nobles and a call to "show those walking cows their place" by the Equestrian side has both rulers pulling their hair out
  6075. >They both go to a "counsel" to appease their nobles where the two drown themselves in wine and chocolate
  6076. >When they wake up the next morning, an announcement was made of the Peace Treaty they signed last night
  6077. >While black-out drunk
  6078. >Shit
  6079. >Celestia would give the Minotaurs a swathe of land (which actually hadn't been used since her sister was banished)
  6080. >In exchange Celestia would marry Labyrinthia's most desired male
  6081. >Hoof raised by the queen herself
  6082. >A human male
  6083. >Thought to be legend, he appeared as a child in the queen's bedchamers one night
  6084. >Knowing the possible danger he'd be in if word got out her maternal instincts kicked in and she raised him in secrecy as best she could
  6085. >It was never spoken of in public or to foreigners because the queen was VERY protective of her son
  6086. >Both rulers are thrilled that the fighting can finally stop
  6087. >However both are wary of the trading of the Queen's son
  6088. >She's nervous because he was never as sturdy as the other bulls
  6089. >Whereas Celestia is nervous because of what it could mean
  6090. >The legends surrounding Human Males speak of many things
  6091. >The beauty that came with the features no other species had
  6092. >The calming affect their mere presence had on creatures
  6093. >But the one that gave her the most pause was the legend of their ability to give and take life
  6094. >Just as they are able to turn a dead tree in a desert into an oasis with a single tear
  6095. >So too can they turn the most luscious and healthy of forests into withered leaves and dust should they ever be angered
  6096. >After banishing Luna she poured over tale after tale of them
  6097. >Trying to find one in the hopes that, with it's powers, it might be able to grant her a child
  6105. >Derpy and Anon have known each other since they were wee children
  6106. >they were always visiting each other's houses, chasing each other in the yard, doing all the usual shit kids do when they don't want to do their homework
  6107. >the two quickly became best friends due to common interests and good chemistry
  6108. >weeks turn to years
  6109. >before they know it they're in their senior year of high school
  6110. >things are more or less the same between them
  6111. >they wouldn't visit each other's houses nearly as often, but they sometimes come over for a hangout after church
  6112. >they don't walk home together, but Derpy drives him home every day in her mother's hand-me-down car 
  6113. >they still sit together at lunch, but only about once or twice a week, as they're in different cliques
  6114. >both had no secrets between them, as they're basically like brother and sister at this point
  6115. >except...
  6116. >there was one secret Derpy keeps hidden from him, and it's one she's kept for some time now
  6117. >she wants him
  6118. >she wants him a lot
  6119. >the thing is, she doesn't know how to go about making her intentions clear, or whether or not he would even want to be with someone like her
  6120. >begins to fear about ruining their long-standing friendship and begins to doubt herself
  6121. >her lingering doubts only worsen as she begins to notice how her classmates are getting a little too friendly with Anon, all of whom, she thinks, are far more attractive and smarter than her
  6122. >many a restless night ensue, the young woman reading through her old chatlogs with Anon, a bittersweet smile on her face all the while
  6130. >Ponies can survive of grazing alone, but with there hyper intelligence compared to other herbivores requiring extra caloric intake, it is not advised.
  6131. >Especially with the extra brain activity required to run an entire new system found in their magic.
  6132. >The lamba system is useful, but does need a lot of energy.
  6133. >For a pony to live off of uncooked grass and flowers, they have to graze from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep, and even still, there's always a pang of hunger in their bellies.
  6134. >Also, since high brain activity requires a large sum of glucose to maintain, ponies eating only fibrous greens will often be plagued with mild headaches and slowed thoughts.
  6135. >These reasons combined is why ponies prefer diets high in sugar; it fuels their minds and magic while requiring the least amount of time actually eating.
  6136. >Through the consumption of sweets, ponies are able to have free time, which in turn, allows them to pursue interests beyond mere survival.
  6138. >Anon does not know this, however, and deems his marefriend's diet to be horribly unhealthy, because it is... by human standards.
  6139. >Because of this, Anon makes her go on a diet, providing her with plenty of fresh salads and healthy alternatives to all those baked goods and candies she's always munching on.
  6140. >The mare, ecstatic to have a stallion of her own, and one who actually wants to cook for her, can't bring herself to complain to Anon about his choice in meals for her.
  6141. >Even as she starts to get headaches and her magic weakens, she smiles at her human and thanks him.
  6142. >Who is she to complain when she's so lucky just to have him?
  6144. >One day, while Rarity is attempting to make a dress, and having great difficulties because of her weakened state, she collapses.
  6145. >Anon walks into her workshop to see his marefriend unconscious, and rushes into action.
  6146. >It's not very often that ponies see a stallion sprinting through town while carrying a mare.
  6147. >Once there, the doctors quickly diagnose Rarity with dangerously low blood sugar, and put her on a glucose drip.
  6148. >While she rests in a hospital bed, Anon answers the doctor's questions to the best of his ability.
  6149. >Yes, she's been eating very healthy; he has been making sure of that.
  6150. >Specifically? Well, lots of greens and vegetables.
  6151. >Yes, and fruit, she has at least three servings a day he'd guess.
  6152. >Cookies? Cake? Ice cream?
  6153. >Oh no, very little of that, he assures.
  6154. >Nothing so unhealthy.
  6155. >The doctors give him a weary look, and explains that ponies need diets high in sugar to help maintain proper brain and magic functions.
  6156. >Baked goods and other sweets tend to be the easiest method to fill this dietary need.
  6157. >Eating nothing but grasses, veggies, and the occasional fruit is not healthy, and in fact can be downright dangerous for ponies.
  6158. >To say Anon is horrified would be an understatement.
  6159. >Completely on accident, the man had practically been starving the love of his life.
  6161. >Rumors spread after that.
  6162. >Questions abound on what happened to the fashionista were asked all over town.
  6163. >And, as is often the case, incorrect answers are given without a care for the truth.
  6164. >Anon was always a strange one.
  6165. >So... emotionless compared to most stallions.
  6166. >He was too in control of himself.
  6167. >Too rational.
  6168. >And no doubt, too cold.
  6169. >He had obviously only gotten with the coltish Rarity because of her money.
  6170. >How else would such a mare get a stallion other than through her business' success?
  6171. >And it had proven her downfall as a result.
  6172. >A failed poisoning for her wealth, some were saying, and others listening.
  6173. >But he got cold hooves at the last second
  6182. >Twilight Sparkle was never Celestia's student
  6183. >In fact Twilight Sparkle never had any family at all
  6184. >She had grown up alone, homeless, surviving mostly off of what she foraged
  6185. >She had always had a love of books and stories
  6186. >All the adventures she went on? Being an Element of Harmony? Stopping multiple threats? Becoming a Princess?
  6187. >Those were all stories she made up herself to keep herself entertained
  6188. >In truth she was little more than a lonely unicorn mare with no place to call home
  6189. >That is, until Anon stumbled upon her
  6197. >Anon is largely unchanged by his time in Equestria
  6198. >It's only been around a year, but it takes longer than that to change an entire lifetime's worth of "this is how it works" that had been hammered into Anon's head
  6199. >Which is to say, it'll take more than going out to the horse-bar with his stallion friends once a week to drink a couple of fruity drinks with parasols in them to change his behaviour on anything more than a superficial level and turn him into a campy gay man, only not gay
  6200. >Anon manages to find a marefriend
  6201. >Misunderstandings vis a vis behaviour based on gender abound, but all serious relationships have misunderstandings in them
  6202. >Time comes to meet his marefriend's parents
  6203. >When he answers the door, he's met with two very particular ponies
  6204. >His marefriend's mother is a mare's mare and has the attitude of a hardboiled detective in a 1950's dramatic movie.
  6205. >His marefriend's father is the gayest stallion he has ever seen, except he isn't actually gay.
  6206. >He hits all the sterotypes and even has a lisp, but he manages to hold down a marriage with a mare and produce offspring.
  6207. >Anon has never before been more painfully aware of how stallions and mares behave, and how his behaviour doesn't match up
  6208. >Anon, embarrassingly and unfortunately, had the attitude of "out of sight, out of mind" when it came to the reversed gender roles; they didn't affect him, so he didn't think much about them
  6209. >But now he realizes that he is, at VERY best, a Janefilly
  6210. >Or Tamcolt.
  6211. >...a horse-tomboy, point being.
  6212. >And now, his marefriend's parents are scrutinizing him
  6213. >Judging him
  6214. >Trying to suss out if he's worthy of being his marefriend's lover (and not, as her father is concerned of, a whore trying to corrupt his precious foal)
  6215. >Anon thinks, "Maybe I can act like a faggot. Just this one time, just to get along with my marefriend's parents."
  6216. >It goes awkwardly as Anon tries to act more or less the opposite of how he normally behaves
  6217. >Shenanigans ensue as this predictably doesn't work
  6225. >Anon is an SCP, not just for being an anomalous creature, but also because he has an anomalous effect on ponies.
  6226. >Mares in the presence of Anon become aroused, losing more and more control of themselves the longer and more intimate the contact is.
  6227. >Anon petting a mare, for instance, will make them go mad with lust far faster than just sitting across from him.
  6228. >Even sight alone, such as staring through one-way glass, will have a slow effect on mares.
  6229. >Even mares who identify as lesbian will succumb to Anon's aura, though at a slower rate.
  6230. >A test involving D-Class personal was performed in which a mare was placed in Anon's presence and events were allowed to play out to conclusion.
  6231. >The end result was the mare being fucked unconscious, but otherwise unharmed.
  6232. >She was taken back to her cell, and was under observation for any further effects resulting from copulation.
  6233. >There were two.
  6234. >One, she reported not being able to keep the strange creature off her mind, becoming almost obsessed with him.
  6235. >And two, she became pregnant.
  6236. >The resulting foal, (a satyr) was deemed SCP-####-1, and was eventually introduced to it's father.
  6237. >The offspring, a female, shared a similar, though less intense anomalous effect on ponies of the opposite sex, as in males, and kept at the same facility as its father
  6239. > A while after Anon was contained, the foundation found another human SCP
  6240. > Incognito had similar, but much milder powers
  6241. > He is unnaturally cuddly
  6242. > Mares who complete the full cuddling process become obsessed with Incognito, insisting that they need to protect his smile
  6243. > They also show signs of significant increases in their emotional and psychological health
  6244. > Experimentation has shown that short grooming sessions with Incognito are a safe treatment for otherwise intractible cases of traumatized personnel
  6245. > When asked about the other human, Anon and Incognito both express some fondness and interest in how the other is doing
  6246. > Due to the possibility of collusion to breach containment, the humans are held at separate facilities, but are allowed to communicate via written letters that are carefully monitored and censored for sensitive information as needed
  6256. >Vinyl's been your marefriend for several years now.
  6257. >She won't budge on gender roles, and neither will you.
  6258. >If this sounds like an unhealthy relationship to you, then you were probably an only child and never got to experience the fun of feuding with your siblings.
  6259. >"Get back in the kitchen, colt.", Vinyl said.
  6260. "Bite me, you neon cunt."
  6261. >"No, seriously, we haven't had a hot meal in days. Get cookin' before I get whoopin'."
  6262. "It's not my fault you're a failure of a woman."
  6263. >"That wasn't what you were screaming last night."
  6264. "We didn't even have sex last night. How does that make any sense?"
  6265. >"Because it does."
  6266. "No, it doesn't."
  6267. >"Does too."
  6268. "Does not."
  6269. >"Does too time two."
  6270. "Does not time three."
  6271. >"Does too times infinity."
  6272. "Does too times an uncountable infinity."
  6273. >"What. You can't count infinity."
  6274. "Cantor says you're an uneducated philistine."
  6275. >"I don't even know what those words mean."
  6276. "I knew you were illiterate, but I didn't know you were a retard."
  6277. >"I didn't know you thought so highly of me before."
  6278. "Excuse me for expecting better out of my lovers."
  6279. >"I'm still hungry, colt."
  6280. "You're a fat ass anyway. What do you even eat when you go on tour?"
  6281. >"More cock than you can provide."
  6282. "That's not what you were screaming last night."
  6283. >"We didn't even have sex last night. How does that make any kind of sense?"
  6285. >Meanwhile Octavia was sitting in her room with pillows strapped to her head.
  6286. >"I swear, if they're fucking on the couch again I'm going to kill them."
  6295. >Mare ends up on Earth, gets picked up by the foundation.
  6296. >She's a complete horndog, and hits on every man she comes into contact with.
  6297. >Researcher Anon trying to interview her gets flustered when this cute pony starts asking for his dick.
  6305. >Anon walks into a bar
  6306. >He asks if they have any job openings
  6307. >None.jpg
  6308. >He's about to walk out
  6309. >"Hey are you looking for a job?"
  6310. >Anon turns around and sees a woman in a suit
  6311. "Yeah, why are you hiring?"
  6312. >"Nah but my boss needs a package delivered. Interested?"
  6313. "Yeah I guess so"
  6314. >She leads him to a backroom 
  6315. >He sees a woman with green hair and baleful green eyes
  6316. "Uhm...you want a package delivered?"
  6317. >"This is what you got me? A man?"
  6318. >>"Yeah."
  6319. >She sighs
  6320. >"Fine. Here's the package, deliver it to this address. You'll be paid when you deliver it. Thorax, go with him to make sure no one takes it."
  6321. >Needless to say you delivered the package in under an hour
  6322. >It wasn't that far from the bar
  6323. >Thorax paid you
  6324. "So, you want me to drop you off back at the bar?"
  6325. >Thorax looks surprised
  6326. >"I uh...sure."
  6333. >Well, this was it.
  6334. >You just got malenapped by bird-niggers.
  6335. >At least you weren't gonna get striped.
  6336. >Hopefully
  6337. >You were bound to a too-small chair while a griffin with an eye patch stood in front of you.
  6338. >"Youse sees 'dis mouse?"
  6339. "Yeah?"
  6340. >"'Dis gonna be youse if youse don't tell me whats I wanna know."
  6341. >The griffin proceeded to shove it down her beak.. You could hear the bones crunching in her throat.
  6342. >You kinda wanted to know what it would feel like to have a gizzard clamping down on your dick.
  6343. >But that would require getting stabbed in the abdomen by beak, so you put your degeneracy aside.
  6344. >You struggled with the knots a little bit, but they didn't budge.
  6345. "Well, OK, then. Shoot."
  6346. >"If youse lie to me I's gonna know."
  6347. "Yeah, that's fine."
  6348. >"I's serious here. No lying."
  6349. "Wouldn't dream of it."
  6350. >"I's not sure you're grokkin' 'da seriousness o' 'dis business here. You lies, I cuts you."
  6351. "Got it."
  6352. >"No, I CUTS you!"
  6353. "You already said that."
  6354. >"Then we's clear."
  6355. "Is this going to take long? I was going to meet Baby Cakes for dinner."
  6356. >"Well, 'den let's start 'dere. She your boss's current disguise?"
  6357. "I mean, she is my boss."
  6358. >"Good, good... How many underlings she gots?"
  6359. "Well, I've only met Typhon and Edgelord so far, so at least two."
  6360. >Her head feathers ruffled.
  6361. >"You's lyin'."
  6362. "Oh! There was that little one, so I guess three? Sorry, she slipped my mind."
  6363. >"'Dere's no room fo' errors here, so I gots ta cut youse now. Don't sorry, just a lil' bits."
  6364. >She walked around you and ran a claw down your back.
  6365. >Oooh, that felt nice, like rubbing your back against a corner to scratch an itch.
  6366. >"'Dere's mo' where 'dat came from, dun' worry."
  6367. "Could you move a little to the left?"
  6368. >"Wot?"
  6369. "I've got an itch, and you juuust missed it."
  6370. >"'Dis ain't no massage parlor."
  6371. "Two plus two is nine."
  6372. >"Wot?"
  6373. "I just lied, so could you please scratch my back again?"
  6374. >"I ain'ts doin' 'dat."
  6375. "Why not? You said you'd scratch me if I lied."
  6376. >"But youse wants ta be scratched."
  6377. "I don't see how that's my problem."
  6378. >"Whatevah. Where's yer base o' operations?"
  6379. "Meridia."
  6380. >"Don't know 'dat place."
  6381. "It's on planet Zebes, can't miss it."
  6382. >"I think you's lyin' again."
  6383. "On purpose, too."
  6384. >She stopped to think for a minute.
  6385. >"I ain'ts gonna be able to interrogate youse, is I?"
  6386. "At this point probably not."
  6387. >"Looks, I just wanna be able to tells me boss where 'da goods were."
  6388. "Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours."
  6390. >And that was how Anon made a friend and started playing both sides of the gang war
  6401. > Be Triplicate Copy, accountant at Nobles and Barns
  6402. > You've had a long day, filled with nothing but paperwork, annoying coworkers, and a certain shady, stupid manager who has seen too many movies and thinks that you can literally cook the books to get more money
  6403. > The tram back to your apartment is filled with bored mares like you, worn out by the vagaries of life
  6404. > You stare blankly out the window, thinking about your recent purchase
  6405. > It's a 15 minute walk from the stop to your home, and you muster the energy to trot intermittently
  6406. > As you open the door, you sense the enchantment drain a smidgeon of magic from you
  6407. > "Welcome home!"
  6408. > You smile at the illusory stallion
  6409. "It's good to be back."
  6410. > He nuzzles your face, not actually touching, but it's the thought that counts
  6411. > "Why don't you sit down at the table, and I'll warm up some dinner for you?"
  6412. > You sigh happily
  6413. > The automation and illusion nodes took a significant fraction of your savings, but this is worth every bit
  6414. > Not to mention...
  6415. > You absently hang up your coat as the stallion turns, his balls jiggling silightly in the bra
  6416. > "See something nice?"
  6417. > You blush, even though you know you aren't being teased by a real stallion
  6418. "Always, when you're around."
  6419. > He giggles and continues onward into the kitchen, tail raised high
  6420. > Damn, but those neighponese illusionists know how to make a hot stallion
  6421. > The evening passes pleasantly, with idle conversation and intermittent flirting
  6422. > You finally lay in your bed, the Illusion conflux crystal humming in your closet
  6423. > Across from you, your stallion lies on the blanket, gazing lovingly into your eyes
  6424. "You know... even if you aren't real, being able to come back home to you everyday makes life worth living."
  6425. > Your stallion smiles
  6426. > "I'm glad I can always be here for you. Goodnight, my wife."
  6427. > You pull the blanket around you and nuzzle against your pillow
  6428. "Goodnight, my husband."
  6435. > Mafia mare was a big name in the family, commanded a lot of respect from her allies and enemies for her viciousness, intimidating presence, and inequine strength and durability
  6436. > Marries Anon, a down-to-earth guy who can see past her scars and genuinely loves her for who she is
  6437. > He is more precious than anything in the world, and she is willing to sacrifice anything, defeat anypony to protect his smile
  6438. > Anon wants to keep his job, so Mafia mare drops out of the world of organized crime to become a housewife
  6439. > She does her best to fulfill her duties, but old habits die hard, and househusbands stampeding after a sale are more frightening than a lot of things she's seen
  6440. > From time to time, the Family or it's enemies try to draw her back into her old life, but Mafia mare's time as a housewife has only made her more powerful, if less lethal
  6446. >Neighpon.
  6447. >Anon, being a disgusting weeb, is able to fit in surprisingly well.
  6448. >Nip ponies are weirdos and love monsterboys so that helps.
  6449. >He starts dating a charming mare who he met at his job in a teahouse.
  6450. >He's not sure what his mare does for a living, but he's frequently taken on expensive dates and showered in gifts before becoming her live-in bf. She out late often so it must be a night job.
  6451. >Who is this mare?
  6452. >The eldest daughter to the Yakuza boss and next in line to rule.
  6453. >And she's freaking out, wondering how she's going to break it to him. 
  6454. >She'll need to do is soon before things get wild, because rival gangs are stirring.
  6461. >Things Dr.Pie isn't allowed to do: teach scp-4578(Anon) curse words
  6462. >Teach scp-4578 actual curses
  6463. >Show where to please mares to 4578
  6464. >Feed copious amounts of sugar to 4578
  6465. >Give salt based drinks to 4578
  6466. >Give alcolic drinks to 4578, the cuddle spree sent many stallions to the psychiatric ward
  6467. >Seduce 4578, have some decency.
  6468. >For the love of Faust do not introduce 4578 to scp-682 again, his hips were broken when we contained 682 which had adapted female reproductive organs
  6471. >SCP-4578 can barely speak broken Eques and only understands it marginally better.
  6472. >SCP-4578-1, however, being raised among pony researchers and the like, can speak fluently, as well as the strange tongue of her father.
  6473. >SCP-4578-1 is, for most intents and purposes, a normal filly, ignoring the anomalous effect on stallions and primate torso.
  6474. >As a matter of fact, she views many of the mare researchers who watch over her to be her mommies while viewing SCP-4578 as her daddy.
  6475. >It took some time for her to be old enough to understand why her mommies never spent time with her daddy, but she eventually starts to get a grasp on her, and there, situation.
  6476. >She doesn't lust after her daddy, after all.
  6477. >Overtime, SCP-4578-1, upon hearing stories from her father about the outside world, begins to long for it.
  6478. >She starts to ask her mommies if they'd let her see the sun and feel the grass.
  6479. >The researchers bring it to the higher ups, and the they deem SCP-4578-1 as less of an escape hazard than SCP-4578.
  6480. >She is taken to a remote island and allowed to run and play on the beach while under guard by female personal.
  6481. >She plays until the moon and stars come out, and she lies under them, staring up in wonder.
  6482. >When it was finally time to return the the facility, she was downtrodden, but went.
  6483. >She then proceeded to tell her father all about what she had done.
  6484. >SCP-4578 gives kind smiles and comments, but his daughter can tell he is sad.
  6485. >After that, she asks her mommies if daddy can come with them next time to see the outside.
  6486. >Uneasy looks are shared among them.
  6487. >That would be... complicated.
  6488. >But one look into SCP-4578-1 wide, innocent eyes, and they promise to bring it up with the bigwigs.
  6489. >After all, it's hard not to become attached to a little anomalous abomination after raising her for eleven years.
  6492. >Audio recording
  6493. "Good afternoon 4578"
  6494. >"Good noon to you. Duktor peye coming, yes?"
  6495. "...do you want to see Dr.Pie again?"
  6496. >"Yes, Peye learn me words...buck me thinks"
  6497. >*Dr.Sparkle is heard coughing on inhaled water*
  6498. "Mmhm, another to add to her list...okay well that is a bad word."
  6499. >"Little care, Peye is fun."
  6500. "We're getting off track. Can you please tell me more about where you came from?"
  6501. >"Yes, what want know?"
  6502. "Hmm...let's start off with technology"
  6503. >*Scp-4578 non responsive*
  6504. "Sorry, advanced tools"
  6505. >"Yes good,um...not sure word in speak...what call thing on four circle to move?"
  6506. "A chariot?"
  6507. >"Yes! Pulless chariot!"
  6508. "What do you mean by pulless?"
  6509. >"No pone pulling, machine drink fuel make chariot go. Is danger though"
  6510. "Why is that?"
  6511. >"It made metal and go fly pone fast"
  6513. >Anon can actually speak Pony just fine
  6514. >He's just Russian
  6516. >Audio recording
  6517. "Now this subject may be uncomfortable for you to talk about but..."
  6518. >"Yes?"
  6519. "Did your kind have wars?"
  6520. >*Scp-4578 is unresponsive for a few seconds*
  6521. >"Most my kind past is war."
  6522. "Could you elaborate?"
  6523. >"First wars for food and ground, then for servant uprise, then rulers sneak killed, whole lands fight one war, one land blamed. Blamed land ruined then..."
  6524. >[Unintelligible]
  6525. "Excuse me?"
  6526. >"Attempted race wipe happened, my home attacked when neutral, caught attacker, my land made...city wiper."
  6527. "A city wiper?"
  6528. >"Yes, drop wiper from...flying chariot, blind flash and city wiped gone from...bad fire. Cold war after that."
  6529. "What is a cold war?"
  6530. >"My land and other land not same, both make war machines secret, cold war ended when other land fall apart"
  6531. >*Dr.Sparkle writes her notes when scp-4578 interrupts her*
  6532. >"Oh oh! Space war!"
  6533. "...what?"
  6534. >"No...not right word...space competition."
  6535. "What are you talking about?"
  6536. >"My land and before broken land sent machines to space, competition to be best. Other land sent first machine around all lands, my land put my kind on...Luna? Yes Luna."
  6537. >Dr.Sparkle dropped her pen and had a minor mental breakdown before being removed by security.
  6538. >End of audio log
  6540. >Experimentation log
  6541. "D-class 278190 please approach scp-4578"
  6542. >"What the buck?! It ain't got no eyes!"
  6543. "Please approach the SCP."
  6544. >"Fine! Creepy fatherbucker..."
  6545. >*D-class 278190 is heard yelping as scp-4578 picks her up*
  6546. >"WHOA WHAT THE BUCK?!"
  6547. >*D-class 278190 proceeds to flail her limbs, hitting scp-4578 in the jaw to little effect*
  6548. "scp-4578 appears to have a denser body structure, maybe that's why it can pick most races up like nothing"
  6550. "Scp-4578 is either oblivious or uncaring..."
  6551. >End of experimentation log
  6553. >Audio recording
  6554. "Why did you cuddle the d-class?"
  6555. >"Was soft"
  6556. "That's it?"
  6557. >"Not like me hurt her."
  6558. "You...what does your kind consider and rape?"
  6559. >*Scp-4578 is unresponsive*
  6560. "Scp-4578 please respond."
  6561. >"That was holding like pet. Rape unforgivable."
  6562. "Scp-4578 you didn't answer the question."
  6563. >"Forced breed. Out now."
  6564. >*Scp-4578 forced researcher Gem out of the containment cell*
  6565. >End of audio log
  6578. >"Anon!"
  6579. >Oh, god.
  6580. >It's your horse-wife.
  6581. >You sit up on the couch, realizing that a nap will be impossible now that your beloved is home from work.
  6582. >Copper Top trots through the door to the living room, pawing off her hat and with her hoof in an adorable gesture.
  6583. >Her snootle is scrunched something fierce as she lets down her mane.
  6584. >She's missing her widdle pony shirt, which means it's probably crumpled on the floor, slowly wrinkling unless YOU grab it and throw it into the wash.
  6585. >"I thought I told you to have dinner ready."
  6586. >...Oh, right.
  6587. >That thing you do every day.
  6588. >Whoopsie.
  6589. >Maybe you can salvage this.
  6590. "Sorry babe," you reply, "That's totally my fault. How about we order out tonight?"
  6591. >She gives you the most sinister glare a tiny adorble poner like her can manage before hopping up onto the couch (wiggling her butt for speed, first)
  6592. >"I can't believe. I risk my life out there every day, catching criminal scum who litter and jay-walk, and all I ask is that a hot meal is waiting for me when I get back home."
  6593. >Waiting no longer, Copper Top throws her hoofsies around your neck and presses your face into her chest tuft.
  6594. >She smells like that horse-perfume you bought her for her birthday, and it's touching that she still uses it after all these months.
  6595. >"I-I don't like doing this, Anon," she grunts, pressing your face deeper into her tuft's soft, cushioney embrace, "But sometimes you leave me no choice!"
  6596. >After a moment, she pulls away but leaves her hooves on your shoulders.
  6597. "Hey, I know."
  6598. >You reach up to cup her cheek, but she squeaks and pulls away.
  6599. >Copper Top stares you deep in the eyes for a moment, and then leans forward to forcibly boop your nose with her muzzle, uttering a loud "Boop!" as your noses connect.
  6600. >"A-And don't you go telling anypony now, Anon," she warns, subtly wiping her eyes, "And b-besides, who are you gonna go to; the ponice?"
  6601. >This is the most adorable case of domestic abuse you've ever suffered through.
  6603. >One Day, Copper Top gets called to the scene of an actual domestic abuse.
  6604. >She sees an innocent stallion broken and crying, snot dripping snootle booped too many times to count, eyes red from having his face smooshed into a tuft over and over.
  6605. >The sick mare is tossed into the back of the wagon, shouting the entire time.
  6606. >"He kept leaving me no choice! I didn't like having to do it, but he needed to be taught a lesson!"
  6607. >Copper Top is going to be sick.
  6608. >Is that what she's like?
  6609. >That stallion bawling in the corner... Does Anon do that when she leaves.
  6610. >Copper Top knew what she had to do.
  6612. >Later, Anon gets a call from the station.
  6613. >They need him to come in and answer some questions.
  6614. >Copper Top has turned herself in for stallion abuse
  6622. >Anon was well involved in the supernatural world back home, so Equestria doesn't rattle him much. 
  6623. >Kinda nice in fact. Now if only these little horses weren't so sexist and blind to how he can defend himself.
  6624. >No matter how much he tells them he's taken and just waiting for his "mare" to show up, the never believe him. "What mare would leave her stallion alone so long?" They ask.
  6625. >But he DID leave someone back home, someone furious that random magic of all things took what belongs to them.
  6626. >Pic
  6627. >It takes time, but the shadow spawn who bonded to the human who interested it so builds power and rips the fabric of space, jumping to Equestria.
  6628. >It did not discover love just to have it suddenly ripped away.
  6629. >Tracking it's human will take time in such a magic saturated land, so the shadow assumes the form of a mare after confirming that they are female.
  6630. >It, or rather she (her human is fond of referring to her as female even in her normal form, so female she shall be) slowly triangulates her human to a town called Ponyville.
  6631. >Naturally, the human and disguised elder god are thrilled to be reunited, throwing everyone for a loop since he really did have a mare on the way. The few with the teats to still try him are quickly sent scampering like fillies by the mystery mare.
  6632. >But in Twilight, the new """mare""" makes her Alicorn Evil Sense™ go haywire. It's way worse than Discord, Chrysalis, or even Tirek.
  6633. >But like many times before, no one believes her that the mare courting the human is a demon in disguise, writing her fear off as jealousy.
  6634. >But unlike before, this is the one time her fear is largly unfounded.
  6635. >And so goddess of magic and god of dark butt heads over exotic dick.
  6644. >Babs Seed is one of the toughest fillies in her High School.
  6645. >She rough, tough, and takes no guff from any pony.
  6646. >And may Celestia have mercy on your soul if you have the guts to insult her profession to her face.
  6647. >She works part time at a mane salon after school right now, but she already has a management position lined up for after she graduates.
  6648. >All in all, she has her life together more than most ponies her age, and more than a few of her classmates are envious of that fact.
  6649. >That, or that she has one of the cutest boys in school fawning over her.
  6650. >Anon is a pretty boy, which is saying something when he's a completely different species, and many a filly has fantasizes about what he so teasingly hides under those ever-present pants.
  6651. >Babs, of course knows, but isn't keen on sharing any time soon.
  6652. >The two had known each other, of course, in passing for quite some time, but it wasn't until Anon went to get his hair styled at the salon she worked at that they really got to talking.
  6653. >While she worked, they chatted about anything and everything, and by the time he was ready to leave, they had struck something that could almost be called a friendship.
  6654. >After that, they'd talk at school once in a while, and he always asked for her when it came time to have his hair done.
  6655. >Over time, feelings grew between the two, and the other students were surprised to find out the prissy Anon and gruff Babs were an item.
  6656. >What could such a cutie see in a brute like Seed?
  6657. >Well, for one, Anon is a completely different boy behind closed doors, and that side of him found the foulmouthed filly quite fun to be around.
  6658. >Specifically, he just loved getting the oh so tough Babs Seed to squeak and beg for his cock.
  6659. >For as much as he liked dominating her in the bedroom, Babs loved letting the tough filly act slip and be dominated by her colt
  6666. > Moondancer in magic college
  6667. > Majoring in enchantment, minoring in illusion
  6668. > She's going to get her husbando even if she has to make him herself
  6669. > In order to qualify for a scholarship, she ends up taking some jazzersize elective
  6670. > She shows up to class, only to realise she is one of the only two mares there
  6671. > The rest are stallions, some of which are way out of her league
  6672. > It doesn't help that the teacher is easy on the eyes as well
  6673. > Moony learns the motions as best she can, but from her vantage point in the back of the classroom, she can see a lot of ball bras jiggling
  6674. > It's going to be a long semester
  6678. Been tossing the idea of a reincarnating Anon around in my head, one who had once been Starswirl, and has lived several lives since them.
  6679. Often without ever realizing that he was reincarnated, it takes some kind of special event to trigger the memories of his past lives.
  6680. But he'd have met his soulmate long before, and both of them would live and die and live again, and find each other again and again. Only sometimes remembering that this had all happened before and would again.
  6681. I spent a while trying to decide what mare would fit best in the scenario. A background pony, or one of the main characters.
  6683. People are always trying to write Anon/Cadence stories, but arguments about cuckshit and bandits result in shitstorms.
  6684. But what if Anon *was* Shining Armor, but didn't know it until later on.
  6685. He didn't have Anon's memories, but had his 'basic nature' so to speak. Would explain why he was so 'marely' for a stallion, why he wanted to be a Guard, etc.
  6686. Could even have him remember a spell to make himself human again (probably from his Starswirl days) to ward off the anti-tf squad.
  6688. >Cadence hadn't ever really stopped to truly consider the ramifications of her husband being a mortal unicorn.
  6689. >Call it destiny, fate, whatever you wanted to call it, there was something special between them.
  6690. >She could just feel it, deep down.
  6691. >They were soulmates.
  6692. >And she had never questioned why, or what would come later.
  6693. >They loved each other, and that was enough. They'd face the future together.
  6694. >That was what they had vowed.
  6696. >She didn't know that she had changed the rules of the game they were playing.
  6697. >This time, she had become immortal in body, and not just in soul.
  6698. >And he had not.
  6706. >Anon always cooks his meals
  6707. >flat out refuses to eat anything someone else made
  6708. >mares think that he's some kind of flighty cooking genius
  6709. >perfect husband material
  6710. >in reality, he just has a fuckton of food allergies and has to oversee nearly every step of his food prep, lest he catch a terminal case of death
  6718. >Anon pops innaquestria 15 or so years after the show
  6719. >Becomes a trusted friend of Cadence and Shining and foalsits for their daughter
  6720. >"I'm 15, dad, I don't need a foalsitter!"
  6721. >>"Don't talk back to your father like that."
  6722. >"Ugh, FINE, mom... Look, who's gonna... g-gonna... wow. Hey there."
  6723. "Hey! You must be Flurry Heart. My name's Anon, and I'm going to make sure you don't burn down the castle while your parents are out tonight."
  6724. >"I-I gotta burning feeling somewhere..."
  6725. "Jeez, are you feeling feverish or something?"
  6726. >"Yeah! M-Maybe you should take me to bed~"
  6731. >Anon is homeless in poner land
  6732. >No one will hire him
  6733. >Mostly because he's male and has no cutie mark
  6734. >There's also the not so subtle racism ponies have
  6735. >Other races have the same problem
  6736. >Anon is surrounded by homeless griffon and minotaur immigrants who came to Equestria for a better chance at life but got screwed over
  6743. >If Equestria refuses to give them a fair chance, then they will not play fair in return.
  6744. >Anon sets up a drug ring, with himself as one of the heads, so he and the other poor immigrants can actually survive.
  6745. >No one expects a male to be a drug lord in RGRE after all
  6746. >As time goes on and more ponies get addicted, profits go up.
  6747. >As do the crime rates.
  6748. >The media nicknamed their organization ‘The Outsiders’ due to the fact that the vast majority of the members are non-ponies.
  6749. >Racism from ponies towards non-ponies goes up in response to this, creating a cyclical effect where non-criminal poor immigrants are driven to seek help from The Outsiders as a result of the racism. More drug dealers end up on the streets, more drugs flood the streets, and the process repeats itself
  6750. >It’s a problem that Equestria is totally unprepared for and the Princesses have no experience dealing with.
  6751. >Anon has recreated the catastrophic 1980s drug epidemic of the United States in RGRE
  6760. >Dragons grow in power proportional to the value of their hoard.
  6761. >Just """kidnapping""" you, a one of a kind male, gives your dragon waifu a considerable boost.
  6762. >Convince waifu that your shared love and the family you're both buildings are the greatest and most fulfilling treasures.
  6763. >When it finally sinks in, she jumps from a decently powerful dragon to something just short of an elder god, practically Tiamat reincarnated. 
  6764. >The balance of power in the world shifts forever
  6773. >As soon as Anon is released he knocks out the mare responsible
  6774. >When the rest of the Blights are rounded up the princesses are astounded to see the mare responsible trussed and tied outside there door step with a note that reads "No hard feelings" on top of her
  6775. >They spend months trying to track him down
  6776. >Though they soon find donations to their reconstruction and rehabilitation causes coming in waves
  6777. >They want to attribute it to their subject but they know only a dragon or something with similar wealth could send in so much so quickly
  6778. >Meanwhile the drug trade has been decreasing
  6779. >They eventually send out letters calling for an audience with Anon
  6780. >No one knows how to contact him directly so the best they could do was drop flyers across all the major cities
  6781. >A few weeks later he shows up to see what all the hub bub is about
  6782. >After slightly heated talks they come to a compromise of Anon being put under probationary watch
  6783. >Months pass and Anon starts to gain their trust as he slowly helps them weed out the last of the drug trades
  6784. >He's given an award for his services and is given title of "Ambassador for Humans"
  6785. >He travels to the other nations to talk to them about his duties as Ambassador and anything he can do to help
  6786. >As Celestia and Luna keep track of him, the second his foot touches Equestrian borders he goes off the grid
  6787. >As days turn to weeks they still can't find a trace of him
  6788. >Before they know it the drug trade is booming once more
  6789. >Only rather than multiple syndicates it's just one
  6790. >When that mare released Anon he didn't see an opportunity for revenge
  6791. >He saw an opportunity to remind them why
  6792. >To remind the princesses why they named him one of the Blights
  6793. >To remind the many creatures of the world why they worked with him in his syndicate and why they were inspired to make their own
  6794. >To remind villains why it's always more rewarding to play the long con
  6802. >Anon uses his magic immunity to deter any invasions
  6803. >Other races get a hold of ancient magic artifacts that could make them the next BBEG that puts Celestia and Luna out of commision for the next 30 minutes
  6804. >Each time the princesses hear about it they send Anon
  6805. >Each race thinks the princesses are trying to win them over by selling out an exotic male
  6806. >On the contrary actually
  6807. >Anon seduces the rulers, manages to convince them to let him see the objects
  6808. >He then grabs them and cancels out the magic so they just become plain old wooden staffs, pieces of clothing, or magical rocks
  6809. >He snaps the wooden staffs, rips the clothing, and shatters the rocks because there's no more magical defence
  6810. >Other races are terrified
  6811. >He weaves tales about how each guard is as strong as him, the mares, stronger still
  6812. >He just leaves what the princesses could do unsaid
  6813. >The races never speak of what happens there out of shame of being made to nearly piss themselves by a male
  6814. >They keep their peace treaties, and the princesses just believe their lovable goof of a stallion guard is just a silver tonged negotiator
  6822. > Anon continues his dark reign over Equestria, and begins to extend into neighboring lands
  6823. > Ponies live in a police state, with curfews, harsh punishments, nearly omnipresent surveillance, etc.
  6824. > They love it
  6825. > A nation of herd animals finally has a master
  6826. > Anon is confused by how compliant they are all being
  6827. > Tries to be more oppressive, to see what happens
  6828. > Institutes Prima Noctis
  6829. > After the fifth herd in one night, he's worn out
  6830. > Dozens of mares are disappointed they won't get to carry the blessed master's child
  6831. > Stallions offer "one night herding" as a way for mares to maybe get into the Prima Noctis lottery
  6832. > Divorce rate skyrockets, but a surprising number of the temporary herding arrangements decide to stay together
  6835. > Anon, full of his own machismo, is convinced that RGRE is culturally making superior males into petty, frail useless beings
  6836. > He decides to train a squad of stallions to be the ultimate black ops unit
  6837. > Personally trains the earth ponies to use their brutal strength to power through opposition and reshape terrain
  6838. > Cultivates cruel creativity in the unicorns, and opens the forbidden tomes of the royal library to them
  6839. > Instills the mentality of a predator in the pegasi
  6840. > Puts them through all sorts of physical and mental conditioning to make them as fit and loyal to only him (and Flurrymous) as possible
  6841. > Sends them out to assassinate the Dragon King, the only male of similar standing to Anon, and therefore the greatest threat
  6842. > They understand their mission completely
  6843. > Word comes back that the Dragon King is actually gay, and a xenophile
  6844. > As evidenced by the many pony lovers in his perverse harem
  6845. > The draconian government is further destabilized by the stallion harem declaring their willingness to serve the next Dragon Queen
  6846. > Not to mention each pony seducing one of the likely candidates into attacking his competitors
  6847. > Anon wants to recall them, to remind them of how a true male fights and conducts espionage, but they are too publicly known and are sort of doing a good job
  6848. > Meanwhile, the squad is following their blessed master's example and slutting it up as much as possible
  6849. > He opened their eyes to their right to have kinky sex, and provided them the training to withstand draconian strength, and the endurance to humble every dragoness
  6852. >Edganon is just more and more admired despite the terrible things he does, even by other nations
  6853. >Being a Male on top of wresting power from the royals leads him to being near-deified for his "cruel wisdom" and "wicked beauty"
  6854. >The minotaurs think him the Golden Bull reincarnated, a demigod of fertility and brutality
  6855. >The crystal empire compares him favorably to King Sombra for not enslaving his loyal subjects but "guarding" them for "their own good"
  6856. >The Zebras believe him to be the vessel of an ancient spirit of the Wilds, unpredictable and merciless
  6857. >No matter what he does, the herd races can't help but love having a totally dominating ruler
  6858. >It really starts weirding him out when his byzantine punishments are met with almost rapturous anticipation
  6859. >Fucking ponies, tyrants are BAD GUYS jeez.
  6860. >Starts his own revolution in the shadows to try and teach ponies how to properly react to draconian conditions
  6861. >It fails in a week after he bans freedom of association to try and inspire outrage but its followed to the letter
  6862. >Cmon guys I'm edgy and bad why can't you see that?
  6865. > Flurrymous doesn't remember her parents, but she did inherit a few things from them
  6866. > Anon sits on his black iron throne, contemplating conspiracies and assassins aimed at him
  6867. > Flurrymous slowly makes her way across the throne room, climbing the steps with some difficulty
  6868. > She's still pretty small
  6869. > At last, she reaches the throne and paws at Anon's knees with her forehooves
  6870. > He sighs
  6871. > "What is it?"
  6872. "Wan pitzer."
  6873. > He scowls at her
  6874. > "What happened to the cooks who made it last time?"
  6875. > She blinks her large, soulless eyes at him
  6876. > Wiping memory is never without collateral damage
  6877. "Hexicutted. Might tried poisoning me."
  6878. > Anon nods in understanding
  6879. > It's what he would have done, if he was the cooks or if he was Flurrymous
  6880. > "Right, I need to take a break anyhow. Let's make some pizza."
  6881. > Flurrymous happily trots after him
  6882. > She knows the food he makes for her is safe, because she had the parts of his mind that think about hurting her removed
  6883. > She also had the ponies who did the magic surgery killed, just to be safe
  6891. >Anon’s hidden treasure, said to contain enough wealth to buy two small countries, still hasn’t been found centuries after he was imprisoned.
  6892. >One of Anon’s descendants breaks him out of Tartarus
  6893. >She’s thinking, surely the patriarch or the family would be willing to share the location with his own blood.
  6894. >Except, instead of that, he acts more like a typical RGRE grandfather
  6895. >He makes her home cooked meals, fusses over her, and generally emaresculates her in front of her underlings.
  6896. >It’s embarrassing, but she deals with it.
  6897. >Anon avoids all questions relating to his hidden treasure, either changing the subject or finding a convenient distraction.
  6898. >She eventually gets fed up and demands to know where it is and why he won’t share it with her.
  6899. “If you can’t figure out where it is on your own, then you don’t deserve it. That doesn’t change, even for family.”
  6900. >The mare is annoyed, but takes it as a challenge.
  6901. >Unbeknownst to her, she IS the treasure. At least a part of it.
  6902. >Anon’s greatest treasure was the family he created through his drug empire.
  6903. >While their wealth is vastly reduced, their numbers have swelled to the hundreds over the years.
  6904. >It’s something that no one, not even the Princesses, can ever take from him.
  6912. >Cuddling 049.
  6913. >She gets annoyed.
  6914. >Finally says "Buck this." and touches the closest part of him she can.
  6915. >It's his dick.
  6916. >He doesn't die because fuck magic death touch.
  6917. >Anon thinks she's saying she wants to fuck when she keeps tapping his dick.
  6918. >She's actually aggravated her touch isn't working.
  6919. >They fuck.
  6920. >Afterwards 049 doesn't walk for a bit, she demands researchers don't put her back in that cell.
  6921. >During a breach, while 049 was trotting through the halls she saw a sign saying she was approaching Anon's containment area.
  6922. >She looked around to see if anything was around, before galloping towards the cell holding Anon.
  6923. >NTF was quoted in saying "It was the easiest 049 containment we ever had. Still curious how they both got scp 420J though."
  6932. >"Welcome, Colts and Mares, to Equestria's favorite dating show! The Spurred Herd!"
  6933. >Loud stomps of hooves come from the audience.
  6934. >"And now, to introduce out bachelorettes!"
  6935. >The lights shine onto the stage
  6936. >"Bachelorette number one is from the small town ponyville. She's the apprentice to our very own princess Celestia, and the element of magic! Give it up for TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"
  6937. >The light shines onto the purple mare sitting on her stool, giving a short wave.
  6938. >"Bachelorette number two is from a rock farm far out into the quarry lands. Don't let her appearance fool you though, she's stronger than a minotaur and witty as a fox, give a round of applause for MAUD PIE!"
  6939. >The light shines onto the grey mare, her face remains blank and she sits as still as a stone.
  6940. >"Finally, Bachelorette number three is a special guest, she's the ruler of the night, the master of dreams and destroyer of nightmares, give a warm welcome to, PRINCESS! LUNA!"
  6941. >The light shines onto the blue Alicorn, she sits up straight and gives the crowd a royal wave of her hoof.
  6942. >"And finally, our Bachelor for tonight is from a far off world, perhaps another dimension entirely! He's one of a kind, and quite the catch as well. Give it up for our fancy green guest, ANONYMOUS!"
  6943. >The light finally shines on you, you squint a bit and give a simple wave to the crowd.
  6944. >"Now then, with our lucky contestants introduced, Anonymous, would you be so kind as to give your first question?"
  6952. "Hey TW1-L1GHT"
  6953. >"Yes Anon?"
  6954. "Do you want a body?"
  6955. >"The ship is a sufficient enough chassis for me."
  6956. "Hmmm...then how can I hug you?"
  6957. >"What"
  6958. "I want to hug you twiggles."
  6959. >"Please don't call me that."
  6960. "Nope. I want to hug my dork-bot"
  6961. >"I am a TW1-L1GHT A.I model, not a D0RK model."
  6962. "You know what I mean twiggles"
  6963. >TW1-L1GHT makes a staticy sigh
  6964. >"Fine. I will fabricate a body for you to hug."
  6965. "Nope, I want to directly interact with you instead of talking to the air."
  6966. >"You aren't talking to the air you are talking to my audio sensors"
  6967. "You know what I mean"
  6969. >"Anon my new chassis is complete."
  6970. "Nice! Let's see it!"
  6971. >The fabricator opens to reveal...
  6972. >A purple unicorn
  6973. "TW1-L1GHT"
  6974. >"Yes Anon?"
  6975. "Why did you make a pony?"
  6976. >"You never specified what body you wanted me to make."
  6977. "Okay fair enough. Want to test it?"
  6978. >"Yes."
  6979. >That came out of the pony
  6980. >You walk up to her and Pat her head
  6981. >Feels real
  6982. >"Is it to your expectations?"
  6983. "Yup. C'mere twiggles!"
  6984. >You pick her up and find her body to be surprisingly light
  6985. >And soft
  6992. >Anon is depressed.
  6993. >Not emo, "Boohoo, life is so hard!" depressed, but legitimately, medically depressed, and Equestrian doctors don't know human brain chemistry well enough to make the medicine he needs.
  6994. >He tries to tough it out.
  6995. >He smiles and laughs, even when he only feels empty inside.
  6996. >Still, there is one pony who helps him feel a little better.
  6997. >Glimmer, as odd as she is sometimes, really is an okay pony.
  6998. >But even the joy he gets from her is fleeting.
  6999. >One day, he just can't take it anymore.
  7000. >He's waited months for the doctors to help him, but progress is slow.
  7001. >Too slow.
  7002. >This is why, when Glimmer goes to Anon's house, intending on finally asking him out, she instead finds a corpse on a rope.
  7003. >Glimmer spends the three days in her room, her friends becoming worried.
  7004. >They think she's traumatized and depressed like Anon was, and they now knew where that could lead.
  7005. >Where they didn't expect it to go, however, is for Glimmer to perfect her time travel spell.
  7006. >Without the scroll and table, she can't jump back years.
  7007. >But a couple weeks should be more than enough.
  7008. >And this new spell is sending her consciousness back to inhabit her old body, so no more duplicates or being hurdled back to the present.
  7009. >A true do-over spell.
  7010. >And one she planned on using to save Anon.
  7011. >At first, she thought of just going back to that day and stopping him, but that wouldn't solve the heart of the issue.
  7012. >He was already too far gone by then.
  7013. >No, she would go back as far as possible, and make it so Anon doesn't even want to take his own life.
  7014. >Easier said then done, she will learn.
  7015. >How many times will she see Anonymous die?
  7016. >Will she ever find a way to save him from his affliction?
  7017. >Or will she go insane in the process?
  7025. >be anon
  7026. >show up at the start of the show
  7027. >have magic immunity 
  7028. >do jack shit for most of the episodes,only showing up as a gag
  7029. >your episodes are just slice of life with you minding your own business,buying groceries,trying to fit in etc.
  7030. >even when different villains show up you dont help anyone because you dont give half a fuck
  7031. >only really use your powers when you get angry and have to slap a bitch
  7032. >whenever you do run across a bad guy,you try to reason with them and talk and you can most of the time because they cant harm you
  7033. >doesnt solve anything but it does give you and the viewer better insight into the villains motivation
  7040. > Femanon shows up in Equestria
  7041. > Is a fujoshi, makes a decent amount by writing gay erotica
  7042. > Works for Rarity mostly to get out of the crystal castle, but also because Rarity reminds her of human women
  7043. > Stallions are somewhat intrigued by the colty alien, but few consider Femanon for their herd, on account her species being reproductively incompatible
  7044. > Life goes on, and Femanon settles for the occasional drunken makeout session with Rarity and Fluttershy
  7045. > Then Anon shows up
  7046. > It's nice to see another human, someone who can commiserate about Earth things
  7047. > But Anon is kinda... meh looking
  7048. > Nothing really attractive about his face, a definite belly, kinda short, it all adds up to 'not interested' to Femanon
  7049. > The ponies do not share this point of view
  7050. > To them, he's soft and cuddly looking, with a gentle, fatherly face
  7051. > Femanon just shakes her head as mares stare at him and mutter all the vulgar things they want to do with him
  7052. > For his part, Anon is pretty shy, but nice enough
  7053. > Recognizes that Femanon isn't into him, and isn't too worked up about it
  7054. > The humans get along well enough, talking about geeky things and so on
  7055. > Meanwhile ponies try to play matchmaker for the humans
  7056. > Ignorant of all of this, Twilight approaches Femanon about continuing the human species
  7061. >You are Cadence; not Cadence Beta as your doppleganger insists on referring to you as, but Cadence Alpha
  7062. >Because you are the alphamare!
  7064. >"You married an ape?!"
  7065. >Your toppleganger looks aghast at the thought of marrying your wonderful, loving, ear-scratching, belly-rubbing, pussy-finge -
  7066. >Okay, not the time for those thoughts.
  7067. >You take offense at the 'ape' comment on your husband's behalf.
  7068. "You married a THOT?!"
  7069. >The other universe's pretty pink princess reels back as though struck.
  7070. >You can't help but smile a bit smugly.
  7071. >That's right, bitch.
  7072. >You don't need to be the Princess of Love to know a THOT when you see one.
  7074. >You are Cadence again, an hour or so later.
  7075. >You would not be having this conversation if your daughter hadn't wandered into the room that your old friend Twilight Sparkle was SUPPOSED to be guarding.
  7076. >Other-Cadence's husband saw your daughter and immediately started tittering to himself and ran off before either you or not-you could get a word in.
  7077. >When he reappeared (which occurred after an uncomfortably long silence between you and the whore-marryer), he had an adorable alicorn filly on his back.
  7078. >Except for the coat colour and the little swirls in her mane, this 'Flurry Heart' looked damn near identical to your own little poop-factory.
  7079. "I can't believe that unicorn plus alicorn equals alicorn offspring."
  7080. >You quirk an eyebrow at the other Cadence, who just shrugs, looking as confused as you felt.
  7081. "Surely it can't be that easy; otherwise we'd be up to our teats in alicorns."
  7082. >The other Cadence peers down at your daughter, who is busy gnawing on a piece of plastic you had chilled in the magic horse-freezer before you departed; she was teething early for one so young as her, and those decidedly-unequine four little pointy nubs poking through her gums looked painful.
  7083. >"I'm more confused that you can get the same result by throwing an alien into the mix."
  7090. >Anon is having tea with his friend Celestia in the gardens, when he sighs.
  7091. >Instantly, Celestia's ears are up.
  7092. >That was a sigh of sadness.
  7093. >"What's wrong, Anon?" she asks.
  7094. "Hmm? Oh, um, nothing. I just had a sorta bad day."
  7095. >"What happened?"
  7096. "Well, you know how I've been thinking of that mare, the baker one who delivers cakes to the castle?"
  7097. >"Whisk? Yes, I remember you mentioning you thought her cute."
  7098. "Well, I... asked her out."
  7099. >"Oh? And what did she say?"
  7100. "She... laughed."
  7101. >"... What?"
  7102. "She laughed in my face. Said she'd never date a bony colt who isn't even a pony... Celestia?"
  7103. >The alicorn is on her hooves, eyes hard and cold.
  7104. >"Do not worry, fair Anonymous, I shall have a talk with her."
  7105. "No, you don't have to do anything like... and she's gone. Great, how much more embarrassing can this get?"
  7106. >Celestia is flying towards where she the knew the mare's bakery to be.
  7107. >No one disrespected stallions in her Equestria.
  7108. >This mare would soon learn that no amount of delicious cake could protect her from this fact.
  7109. >Whisk was about to have an encounter with Celestia, The White Knight
  7118. >Anon was human once, but a fuck-up by Princess Amore left he and his friends dead in the Frozen North.
  7119. >He becomes a wendigo.
  7120. >Infuriated, he takes up residence in the Heart, and nothing can be done to evict him.
  7121. >He also becomes trapped.
  7122. >Surprisingly enough, while he hates Amore with a burning passion, he has nothing against the Crystal Ponies themselves.
  7123. >And he does nothing against her directly.
  7124. >Sombra eventually takes over, and Anon's the reason why he didn't destroy the Heart.
  7125. >Not even Sombra was nuts enough to release a goddamn malicious wendigo.
  7126. >Thousands of years later, canon happens.
  7127. >Sombra returns, and the Heart is activated again.
  7128. >To everypony's surprise, a very pissed off Anon is released, and he goes to town on Sombra.
  7129. >Yeah, turns out Anon had been Amore's lover in life, and Sombra crystallization and shattering of her put him on a wendigo's shit list.
  7130. >Now they have a pissed off, malicious male spirit haunting the Heart, who may or may not be Cadence's many-great grandfather.
  7138. >Anon has taken a vow of celibacy to better serve his god.
  7139. >Or goddess, as the case may be.
  7140. >He is part of the very obscure Church of Epona, the goddess of horses.
  7141. >When he arrives in Equestria, he is sure he is being rewarded for his devotion.
  7142. >Epona has summoned him to her land to be her humble servant.
  7143. >... Eccept he doesn't know where she is.
  7144. >The only god horse around here is big, white, and horny.
  7145. >Surely, it is part of his test to seek Epona out himself while resisting the wilds of these equines and their no doubt velvety pussies.
  7147. >Celestia is not amused.
  7148. >She's being cockblocked by her grandmother
  7150. >Eventually does find her with a sexually frustrated Celestia's help.
  7151. >Calls him a dumb dumb for taking a vow of celibacy in service of a FERTILITY goddess but appreciates the thought nonetheless.
  7152. >Let's them know they are welcome to rest in her house while she runs a few errands, saying that she'll probably be gone all day and that the guest room is down the hall.
  7153. >Celestia makes a mental note to build a new temple for her grandmother
  7161. >Normal Equestria.
  7162. >Anon doesn't really fit in or click with any pony. Not for lack of trying, it's just that no one really seems interested in befriending him besides "friends with everything" types like Pinkie.
  7163. >A few are openly mean, but it's only a small number.
  7164. >He's only a normal guy. No talent he has can outdo a cutiemark, his experiences fall flat before ponies who live magic adventures, and he can't force others to like him.
  7165. >Dejected that a second take on life failed so spectacularly, he packs up, leaves a note, and wanders away.
  7166. >He's found dead along a trail weeks later, covered in wounds that match the teeth of Timberwolves.
  7168. >Again, he gets another chance at life, this time in RGRE.
  7169. >It's Equestria turned on its head to him. Everything looks the same, but is so different.
  7170. >The gender roles are flipped, cultural oddities are abound, the ponies are far more in touch with their instincts and animal sides, and other things that make this Equestria only a vague mirror of the first one. 
  7171. >He knew things were weird when Rainbow of all ponies chased away a mare he was talking in a flurry of feathers to just to do a mating dance for him without competition.l.
  7172. >But... It's a good kind of weird. It can only be good if he wasn't excluded like he was before. 
  7173. >Then (magic accident here) opens a portal back to the old Equestria, letting the universes meet
  7175. >OGR Rainbow was indifferent to Anon or maybe even lightly bullied him.
  7176. >RGRE Rainbow saw a treasure she wanted in him and made him an offer he couldn't refuse, not regretting the relationship or foals that came after for an instant.
  7177. >When the universes meet, the pair of Rainbows don't get along like everyone thought they would.
  7178. >No. They butt heads the most.
  7180. >OGR Rainbow Dash is vaguely disgusted that her alternate self hooked up with Anon and had foals with him
  7181. >RGR Rainbow Dash is ashamed of her alternate self for not only treating a colt the way she did, but also for not seeing the treasure that was inside Anon
  7182. >"I thought we were supposed to be the Element of Loyalty, not the Element of Being A Cunt."
  7183. >RGR Rainbow Dash rubs up against Anon's legs, chest tuft poofing out proudly as she shows off her foals
  7184. >"You see these? Anon and I made these."
  7185. >"Our first filly is already flying, and she's only a few years old. Our second filly about 20% bigger than the average foal her age, according to the egghead. And this one-"
  7186. >Rainbow leans down to nuzzle the youngest foal of her's, a months-old colt this time; he makes tiny baby horse noises and nuzzles her back.
  7187. >"-is mamma's little angel."
  7188. >OGR Rainbow Dash grumbles and refuses to believe that she's jealous of having a husband or a family
  7190. >RGRE Rainbow pulls out her smugmom act to irritate her counterpart.
  7191. >And it's... Actually really effective. Too effective. By now, both Rainbows are nearing 30 years old. One is married with foals, the other has neither.
  7192. >The other Rainbow is an OGR female, so her attractiveness and fertility are still big points to her. Bigger than an RGRE mare at least.
  7193. >No matter how much OGR Rainbow wants to deny it, one of the biggest and most important functions in a mare's life is to make foals and ground a family. 
  7194. >And a mare without a family is a failure. It's just a fact.
  7195. >RGRE Rainbow has no idea that her taunting triggered a crisis in her rival
  7197. >jealousy and shenanigans happen, and OGRainbow tries to impersonate RGRainbow in order to see what being she had apparently missed out on
  7198. >because Rainbow Dash
  7199. >it doesn't really fool anyone, since where RGRainbow was a marely mare's mare, OGRainbow is right on the border of marely and colty, if leaning a bit toward marely
  7200. >but, for some reason, RGRainbow and her friends want to see how it plays out, and watches from the sidelines
  7201. >and, surprisingly, it works out better than expected
  7202. >while she's still a slob and more likely to spontaneously combust than make a homecooked meal, OGRainbow provides a surprisingly pleasant breath of fresh air in what used to be a double bachelor pad
  7203. >and when she plays with "her" foals, there's a tenderness there that RGRainbow just doesn't have due to her upbringing
  7204. >so as the "trial week" ends and RGRainbow and Anon meet up to decide what to do from their, they begin to wonder
  7205. >perhaps she could stay, just a bit longer?
  7212. >be Anon
  7213. >be chilling at alternate timeline Anon's house, because he was a pretty fucking chill guy and loved to shoot the shit about back home as much as you did
  7214. >he had to go grocery shopping though, and seeing as how he didn't want to bring all three of his children along shopping, he trusted you to watch over the youngest
  7215. >said youngest child also happens to have some mild trouble discerning between you and her real father
  7216. >not that you mind, though
  7217. >today she assumed you were the real deal for whatever reason and has been asking for piggieback rides all day
  7218. >she even wanted to play wrestle, to which you gladly accepted
  7219. >she got pretty tired after that, though
  7220. >had to carry her back to her bed after she went "Eh, fuck it," and fell asleep on the carpet
  7221. >not too long after did AU-Anon come back, his two other children all scrambling to help unpack the groceries
  7222. >suddenly feel very, very hollow
  7223. >wait until later when the kids are out of earshot
  7224. >ask if she knows any sad, lonely mares/women (if RGREqG)
  7225. >get a wide smile in response as AU-Anon spouts off several names
  7233. >Anon is kept in a prison similar to Magneto's, under meters and meters of solid rock and mortar, housed in a glass and metal prison that's been carefully purified of magic
  7234. >The only time he's let out is when the next BBEG comes around and they need a quick win
  7235. >There were a few times when the bad guys tried to convince Anon to join them and overthrow the ponies that imprison him
  7236. >Anon might be convinced if the bad guys didn't start coughing up blood halfway through their evil monologue and try to crawl back to wherever they came from
  7237. >Honestly Anon's prison is pretty comfy because it's also a bit like Loki's from Dark World, as big as a mansion, comfy furniture, any books or games he wants and an endless supply of foods
  7238. >Celestia imprisoned him to keep her subjects safe but she doesn't hate him, so she does everything she can to make him as happy as he can be
  7239. >Initially he gave as many ludicrous demands as he could think of to break her "act" as he saw it and make her admit she doesn't care
  7240. >But she kept giving him what he wanted
  7241. >He eventually gave it all back since he didn't know what to do with any of it and went to more suitable requests
  7242. >Over time he developed a kind of bond with Celestia
  7243. >One of her favourite ways to calm down from the stress of the day now is to continue her ongoing game of chess with Anon
  7244. >Anon had requested essentially that life size model of Wizard's Chess from Philosopher's Stone so Celestia could see the pieces even with the distance she has to keep
  7245. >He's kept sane by Discord visiting him
  7246. >Being a God of Chaos Discord is the only one who can manage to be in Anon's presence for a prolonged period of time
  7247. >Sadly after an hour even he begins to feel the effects of Anon and has to poof away again
  7255. >Anon is an ageless child from a magical (well, more magical) land of eternal youth and play.
  7256. >... Well, that, plus some murder, mayhem, and other unsavory things.
  7257. >Magical lands are a dangerous place, made even more so by the pirates who settled there long ago and who seek to rob it of all its treasure.
  7258. >AnonPan is the only protector.
  7259. >Him, and his lost foals, who he recruits from Equestria to fight at his side.
  7260. >Is it wrong for AnonPan to use his coltish whimsy to lure young fillies away from their homes?
  7261. >Is it wrong to train them and have them risk their lives battling against hardened mares of the sea?
  7262. >Oh, most definitely.
  7263. >There's a reason AnonPan is called the Foal Thief in all the legends.
  7264. >It's not a nice name for a not very nice boy.
  7265. >He does what he thinks is right, however, for he only wants to save his home.
  7266. >The tides of battle have ebbed and flowed for a century, but soon would shift in his favor.
  7267. >Why?
  7268. >Because he just lured away three particularly resourceful fillies.
  7269. >The CMC didn't believe the boy's stories when he offered to take them to NeverMore for a life of adventure.
  7270. >And when they were arrived, they were shocked.
  7271. >Then angry.
  7272. >They had families to get back too, after all, but Anon would not give up soldiers so easily when his ranks needed so desperately to be filled.
  7273. >He was the only one who could guide them back home, and if they really wanted him to, they'd have to help him first.
  7274. >Save NeverMore, and he'd return them home.
  7275. >It's time for the Crusaders to put their skills to the test, but will they be able to end the war without bloodshed?
  7276. >Anon, and the foals he had indoctrinated don't think so, nor do they really want to, but the CMC are not murderers.
  7277. >It's time to put their skills to the test, and save both sides of the conflict from further death
  7278. >Somehow
  7285. >Pinkie pushes you onto your back
  7286. >"First," she purrs, pressing her chest against your stiffening cock, "We're gonna bake a big ol' cake in the kitchen."
  7287. >Pinkie Pie's eyes light up and the corners of her mouth twitch as she fights an excited grin
  7288. >"And we'll let the mess sit there for a WHOLE twenty minutes before we wash the dishes and wipe all the surfaces down with disinfectant!"
  7289. >She crawls up your body, hooves tracing circles on your bare chest as her tuft tickles the skin of your belly.
  7290. >It's so soft
  7291. >So warm
  7292. >Sweat drips down the back of your neck
  7293. >"And then?"
  7294. >Pinkie Pie lets out a sultry chuckle as she gazes at you behind heavily lidded eyes, and it's the sexiest thing you've ever heard
  7295. >"Then, we'll go on a picnic together with that very cake. We'll hold hooves, and right when things are winding down, I'll tackle you-"
  7296. >Her gaze pops almost comically to what you recognize as a normal Pinkie face
  7297. >"-even though Pa always said you were supposed to be gentle with colts, and Ma threatened to grind my gravel if she ever caught me hitting a member of the fairer sex..."
  7298. >She shakes her head and slips back into the sultry, sexy mood as though she had just flipped a switch
  7299. >"We'll roll down the hill we were eating on. Your clothes and my fur will get all sweaty and covered in grass stains."
  7300. >She finishes her journey up the length of your body and comes to rest on your chest
  7301. >The tip of her muzzle boops your nose, and a blush explodes on your face
  7302. >"B-Buck~"
  7303. >Pinkie takes a deep breath and visibly composes herself.
  7304. >"W-We'll come back home, and we'll be all alone since the Cakes are out of town, and they've taken the twins with'em. We'll lay down on my bed and cuddle-"
  7305. >Pinkie leans in close, and you can feel her hot, moist breath on your ear.
  7306. >"-Even though it'll make the sheets all sweaty and smelly, 'cuz we didn't shower yet."
  7307. >God, Pinkie is so weird.
  7308. >You love this pink little mare
  7314. >Ponies think Pinkie's an idiot.
  7315. >Like the studly Anon is gonna give to bucks about a rock.
  7316. >What a waste of time just to make herself look foolish.
  7318. >Then Pinkie presents the rock to you...
  7319. >You take one look, and gasp.
  7320. "It's... it's perfect," you breath, falling to one knee to be closer to the precious stone presented in Pinkie's upraised hoof.
  7321. >She beams.
  7322. >"Yep! I spent the whole weekend looking for this bad girl, and I finally found her in the giant eel quarry. Had ta wrestle a big o' meany eel to get it, but I won!"
  7323. "You found this perfect rock... for me?" you ask, eyes getting watery as you gently take the stone from her hoof.
  7324. >She nods vigorously, and you sniffle.
  7325. "It's just like my pet rock from when I was a little kid. I'm allergic to cats and dogs, so my mom got me Dwayne instead. We used to do everything together..."
  7326. >Holding the rock to your chest, you look up at the gently smiling mare, and suddenly lunge out.
  7327. >She squeaks as you crush her against your chest in a hug.
  7328. "Thank you, Pinkie. This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever gotten me."
  7329. >pressing a kiss against her cheek, her face turns beet red and steam comes out of her ears.
  7330. >Meanwhile, the mares around you both stare with slacked jaws.
  7337. >Anon watches first episode.
  7338. >Laughs hysterically every time his character is on screen.
  7339. >Binge watches the entire season. twice.
  7340. >Finds his new calling.
  7341. >Starts frequenting animu imageboards lurking for threads about his anime so he can shitpost and bait mares and tell them anyone but anon is a shit waifu.
  7342. >[Get a load of this guy. Anon a shit husbando he's too clingy and cold, it's annoying, and those times he starts acting tsun are shit and forced moe.]
  7343. [At least he's real, unlike your husbando.]
  7344. >Post pics of self. 
  7345. >derail every thread to the point discussion of the anime is banned by the mods.
  7346. >Gets a fake monkey tail.
  7347. >Goes to meetups and weeb cons just so he can take the piss out of acting like the character in the show to random weeb mares who husbando'd him just to see their reactions.
  7348. >Tells his mare all about it.
  7349. >Little does he know his mare's a huge fan of the show and loves the character too
  7356. >Anon is not just some villain of the week like Gilda or the FlimFlam Brothers.
  7357. >No, he's a recurring villain like Chrysalis and Glimmer!
  7358. >He constantly harasses the Mane6 with his schemes, ranging from the benign, like stealing candy, to the extreme, like taking over Equestria.
  7359. >The girls stop him at every turn, but he always slips away to torment them another day.
  7360. >He's a willy one, but they're luckily skilled enough to defeat him.
  7361. >...Except they're not.
  7362. >If Anon wanted to, he could easily make his plans foolproof, but that's not what he's in the biz for.
  7363. >No, he loves the feeling of being chased by the six greatest heroes of Equestria.
  7364. >To be at the center of their attention.
  7365. >To dance with them in this harrowing game of cat and mouse.
  7366. >It makes him feel alive, and all fuzzy inside.
  7368. >Then, one day, you slip up, and get caught.
  7369. >Before a trial of your horse peers, the Princess of the Sun asks, "Do you have anything to say in defense of yourself, Anon? Anything to justify your crimes?"
  7370. "Only that I never intended to hurt anyone, your Majesty."
  7371. >"Manure!" Dash calls. "What about that time you tried to crash an airship into an a dormant volcano to make it erupt and destroy the village at the base?"
  7372. >You shrug.
  7373. "I knew you'd be able reach the cockpit in time and steer it away. You learned basic piloting after it was featured in a Daring Do book."
  7374. >"And how did you know that?" Rarity asks suspiciously.
  7375. "I... keep tabs on you girls."
  7376. >Yeah, that sounds less creepy than stalking.
  7377. "If I really wanted to crash the thing, I'd have disabled the steering before I parachuted off."
  7378. >"Then why didn't you?" Twilight questions.
  7379. "Because I didn't want any pony to get hurt. I just wanted to get you're attention."
  7380. >"Our attention? Why?"
  7381. >You start to fidget.
  7382. "I guess, because I think you girls really cool and I just wanted to be a part of your adventures."
  7384. >Anon gets "reformed."
  7385. >As in, he's no longer committing crimes and is under the watchful eyes of the Mane6.
  7386. >This is a win-win, Anon thinks.
  7387. >Now he has their attention all the time, and he doesn't have to threaten the world to get it.
  7388. >The girls are creeped out a bit, but are mostly okay with it.
  7389. >It's weird, after a life of chasing dick, to suddenly having a dick chase you.
  7390. >Anon, for his part, is doing well settling in.
  7391. >... Villain tendencies are harder to kick then he thought, however, like when he sees a mare giving Fluttershy a hard time at the market.
  7392. >She was over charging the soft-spoken mare for carrots, and Flutters didn't have the bits to pay the exorbitant price.
  7393. >Even when Fluttershy tries to explain they are for her pet rabbit, who will be very cranky without his carrots, the mare refuses to budge, and Fluttershy is resigned to use her entire grocery fund and go hungry that night.
  7394. >That is, until Anon comes up.
  7395. >Needless to say, the girls have to give him a stern talking to after he drives the shopkeep's head through her own stall.
  7396. >Fluttershy got her carrots for free though, so Anon is not remorseful in the least.
  7404. >Be Anon.
  7405. >And right now you've got your back against the wall. 
  7406. >But you prefer to think the heroes are cornered yet again as you hold in your hands the doomsday device that will flood Ponyville's water supply with distilled Poison Joke!
  7407. >You cackle
  7408. >You're just giddy with excitement.
  7409. "vat now, heroes? Save yourselves or save ze town?"
  7410. >"Why do you keep doing this Anonymous! What do you get out of it!"
  7411. "vell, princess, back ven I vas just a little schätzchen, my vater came home vith a brand new spitzenhound puppy, he said ze dog vas like a son to him, und named him "Onlyson"-"
  7412. >"jeez, stallion." Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes "Every time you always have this new sob story, you have us where you want us, but nooo, you always have to monologue don't you?"
  7413. >"Rainbow Dash, no need to be rude darling."
  7414. >"Yeah Rainbow, do y'all want him to stop?"
  7415. >"Well, no? But just how airheaded is he? We let him monologue just long enough to break free from whatever bind we are and kick his butt! Villain 101 much!?"
  7416. >"I have to agree with that. Monologueing is quite ridiculous, why not just-"
  7417. "Don't you finish that sentence!"
  7418. >"Silly billy, you forgot your accent!"
  7419. "Screw you guys! Monologues aren't stupid! Oh yeah Twilight it would certainly be so much better if instead of me talking your ears off giving you my motivations and plans it'd just whack you all."
  7420. >"..."
  7421. "And lets not kid ourselves, I'm a threat with my magic immunity already so I could totally do it, but is that really what you want? Just fucking think for a second! You think I'd do this for just anyone? Fuck no, you're the heroes, my arch nemesis', the other side of the coin, it's not just that I have you beat! I respect you enough to lay out my masterplan and my reasons so that you know the why and how we got here in the first place!"
  7422. >"Holy moley, you need a mare."
  7423. "Eat shit. You know what? Super villainy is canceled today, just- just go."
  7425. >"Wuh?"
  7426. "You heard me. I thought we had something here girls, a rivalry built out of respect, but I guess I was just a fool."
  7427. >Your lair becomes quietly awkward
  7428. >The mares are stunned at the turn of events, you completely pulled the rug from under them. They somehow find themselves complying after your display.
  7429. >
  7430. >Back at the castle
  7431. >"Guess you went too far, huh, Dash?" The leader states
  7432. >"Oh shut up, who'da thought he would throw a hurt feelings fit over this? Isn't he a bad guy?"
  7433. >"Well, it goes to show even the villainous sort need love hmm?" Rarity says.
  7434. >"M-Must be awfully lonely, just scheming by himself... Maybe we are more to him than he was to us?"
  7435. >"Pfft, come on Flutters, this is prime time, not daytime, guy's completely cookoo."
  7436. >"Ooh Ooh, by the way girls, I've a feeling we forgot something!"
  7437. >Just as Pinkie says this chaos and pandemonium is heard from the town.
  7438. >...
  7439. >The Poison Joke was released.
  7440. >Somewhere out there you are cackling to yourself, delightfully devilish, Anon, your pussy pass trump card served you well, you never planned on stopping today, villainy never stops.
  7441. >"No way, we fell for his stallion shtick!"
  7442. >"Curse you Anon!"
  7450. Anon is far more massive than ponies. This means any fall he takes is much more likely to break him, and his muscles are necessarily much stronger, to the point where they are capable of causing severe injury if he presses himself. This is not a unique trait of Anon, it's just a human thing.
  7452. Anon sees this as normal wear and tear. The poners see him as something of a glass cannon who can do amazing things, but at a (to them) terrible cost. It doesn't help matters that he often finds himself in positions where he needs to push beyond his limits to help poners. This drives the mares crazy because they want to protect him, but they are shamed that he usually winds up protecting them.
  7454. Not a story about love story in the traditional sense, but a love story about a community coming together to try to help one of their most selfless and beloved members with RGRE shenanigans abound.
  7462. >Anon is seen as a god by different races for different reasons
  7463. >All of it by accident
  7464. >One day he was singing while bathing under a waterfall by the shoreline
  7465. >Early sirens heard him and decided to imitate him
  7466. >They worship Anon as their God of music/singing
  7467. >One day Anon makes clay bricks
  7468. >Early minotaurs do the same after watching Anon, leading them to making their first houses
  7469. >They worship Anon as their God of homes
  7470. >Griffons watched Anon make stone tools and make fire
  7471. >Griffons worship him as a god of war and tools
  7472. >The pony tribes watch Anon do many things
  7473. >Earth ponies learned how to plant seeds and tend to them
  7474. >Pegasi watched Anon "predict" weather and they learned how to tell when storms are coming
  7475. >Unicorns watched Anon use a candle and Crystal as a flashlight, making the first "spell"
  7476. >He is worshiped as a god of bountiful harvests, storms, and magic respectively
  7477. >Zebras watched him make drugs.
  7478. >So now they see him as a trickster god
  7479. >Many dragons had chunks of their hordes stolen by Anon
  7480. >To dragons he is a god of theives that points out what dragons did wrong when hiding their hordes
  7481. >Hfw he becomes immortal because of all the worship
  7483. > He lives in a cabin deep in what will become the Everfree forest
  7484. > Slowly adds on to it until it's a decently sized house
  7485. > Because of the sheer magic and divinity swirling around him, his home is kinda unmoored from reality
  7486. > He can come and go just fine, and he always seems to get what he's hunting for
  7487. > Everyone else, though, has to go on some sort of spirit journey to reach the Hallowed Halls
  7488. > Their expectations influence how his home presents itself to them
  7489. > Sirens swim through caves where the wind howls through mouths of stone, haunting voices raised in a sublime choir
  7490. > Minotaurs see marble cooridors with tapestries on the walls and a comforting warmth radiating from a distant hearth
  7491. > And so on
  7492. > Anon is kinda irritated at having the occasional uninvited guest, but he can't resist helping them out
  7494. >Anons house acts like a separate entity
  7495. >Mane six indirectly insult Anon
  7496. >House shudders and warps
  7497. >Anon whacks a table with a rolled up newspaper
  7498. >A distinct whine is heard somewhere in the house
  7503. >Anon brought Celestia and Luna into his pantheon
  7505. >The 'Nightmare Moon' banishment was just Anon getting sick and tired of her edgy phase
  7507. "Luna please come here."
  7508. >"No! My name is Nightmare Moon!"
  7509. "Luna so help me you will come down here young lady or I will send you to the moon!"
  7510. >"NO!! YOURE NOT MY REAL DAD!!"
  7511. "THATS IT!"
  7512. >Anon picks her up and throws her at the moon
  7514. >Multiple races, excluding the sirens, are having a war
  7515. >If religion.
  7516. >The armies of four races are about to clash
  7517. >"Stop."
  7518. >A single word echoes from the heavens
  7519. >Each army looks into the sky to see Anon decend
  7520. >They bow and Anon speaks again
  7521. >"Why must you all fight?"
  7522. >Each race said the same thing
  7523. >They all worshiped him in different ways, claiming their way to be the true way
  7524. >Anon has a fatherly smile on his face
  7525. >"Worship me any way you wish, as long as nothing to profane happens."
  7526. >Suddenly his face turns stern
  7527. >"If I find out there is another war over something like this again I will find the ones responsible for starting it. Are we clear?"
  7528. >They all agreed with the fatherly god
  7529. >"Good. May you all live long prosperous lives."
  7530. >Anon acends to the heavens again
  7532. >Be Anon
  7533. >Fucking fanatics and their bullshit
  7534. >You should smite them but then you'd have to put on that God damn act again
  7536. The reasons that the Sirens were not in the war is because they sent some of their own to tell GodAnon
  7538. That's how the sirens got their gems
  7540. >One day, before the unification, Godnon is visiting a larger erf settlement.
  7541. >There he is soon asked/prayed for help, as the weather's been rather dry and their crops are dying.
  7542. >Hearing this, a weary pegasus traveller flies up and kicks a light rain together before collapsing from exhaustion.
  7543. >The weary traveller hasn't ate anything besides grass for over a week, the erfs refusing to give him food that will be on shortage soon.
  7544. >Godnon is so impressed by this feat of selflessness and self-sacrifice, he levels the pegasus into godhood, making him the Minor God of Rains.
  7545. >Tells the town to pray to the new minor god instead of him.
  7546. >tfw this could have been avoided if they fed that traveller a loaf of bread
  7547. >tfw now he is their god
  7548. >Meanwhile, Godnon is laughing his ethereal socks off, making a mental note to himself: "Remember to tell the pegasi, their pantheon needs to be expanded."
  7550. >Inb4 a griffon cult is about to sacrifice a newborn to Anon
  7551. >"Oh great God of war, accept our offering so that we may crush those filthy heretics!"
  7552. >The griffon holds a dagger over a newborn cub and is about to bring it down
  7553. >>"What. Is. Going. On. HERE?!?"
  7554. >The cultists are thrown against the walls of the sacrificial chamber
  7555. >"M-my lord! You grace us with your presence!"
  7556. >>"Are you trying to murder a child in my name?"
  7557. >The cultists look up and feel true dread
  7558. >Their God
  7559. >They have made their God truely angered
  7560. >Anon gently picks up the innocent cub and wipes away and filth on her
  7561. >>"You all shall be a message."
  7562. >Anon waved a hand
  7563. >The cultists lost their fur and feathers
  7564. >The word MURDERER was stained onto their sides
  7565. >>"You all will walk the streets until you can walk no longer. Now begone from my sight."
  7566. >The cultists are forced to do as the god ordered, walking the streets of their city
  7568. >Anon looks down at the cub in his arms
  7569. >He hates being worshipped
  7570. >Shit like this will probably happen again.
  7571. >And now he has a daughter
  7572. "I guess this isn't such a bad thing..."
  7574. >Anon makes his new birb daughter the demi-god of justice
  7575. >She judges every soul that passes as she saw the worst (the cultists) and best (Godnon) of the world within a few minutes during her childhood
  7576. >She weighs souls on a kitchen scale against one of her own feathers
  7577. >It's not as hard to get into the good afterlife as it sounds, being a demi-god her feathers are too heavy for anything other than something with god like strength to pick up
  7579. >The Dazzlings are distraught
  7580. >Their gems are shattered and they can no longer sing for their God
  7581. >No way to return home
  7582. >For the first time in their lives, they feel hopeless
  7583. >They hear singing on the wind and follow it to the source
  7584. >It's coming from the statue infront of Canterlot high
  7585. >An arm emerges from the base
  7586. >"Come home sirens."
  7587. >They take the hand and get pulled through
  7588. >When they open their eyes they see him
  7589. >Their god
  7597. >A pony wearing a black turtleneck walks on stage.
  7598. >Her name is Cleave Jobs.
  7599. >"Mares, I'm sure I speak for all of you when I say the house is the worst part of your day."
  7600. >The crowd starts agreeing loudly.
  7601. >One mare screams at the top of her lungs "HAVE MY STALLION'S BABIES!".
  7602. >Once the crowd settled down Cleave continued.
  7603. >"But that ends today. With our new product housestallions will be a thing of the past, and your sex lives will go places you never imagined."
  7604. >She signaled one of the stage hands to illuminate the back of the stage.
  7605. >"Introducing the iHuman(tm)! These males are big, strong, and are willing to work to please their mares!"
  7606. >"They happily do the dishes without complaint, and they're 90% less likely to break any dishes because of our innovative new Hand(tm) technology."
  7607. >"You won't need to worry about the floor being dirty because each unit ships with a vacuum accessory."
  7608. >"If you've got cobwebs on your ceiling, well, they're tall and they're 50% less terrified of spiders than stallions."
  7609. >"They can move furniture by themselves, and can even double as furniture!"
  7610. >"If you have a yard or own a farm, then humans are a must. Their strong, efficient bodies are perfect for working outside all day."
  7611. >"If you get a deluxe iHuman you'll even receive a lawn mower accessory!"
  7619. >Anon is an artist.
  7620. >Hearing him describe his work, his passion for his art, it's like catnip to a fellow artist like Rarity.
  7621. >There's only one tiny little snag.
  7622. >He's a potter.
  7623. >Ceramics is one of the messiest forms of art.
  7624. >The end result might be clean, but the process is incredibly dirty.
  7625. >He'll come out of his studio practically covered in clay, glaze, and who knows what else.
  7626. >If she ever works up the nerve to join him inside, let alone participate like he's suggested, she'll feel the need for a shower almost immediately.
  7627. >The sacrifices one makes for love
  7635. >Applejack is making her way down the dirt path connecting her farm to the town proper, when she comes upon a strange sight.
  7636. >You, standing in front of large piles of wood and other building necessities.
  7637. >"Uh, excuse me... you," Applejack begins, getting you to turn and look at her. "Hope ya don't mind me askin' who you are."
  7638. "Not at all," you say with a smile, getting her ears to perk up. "I'm Anonymous. I just came to town last night."
  7639. >"Well, howdy, Anonymous! Ah'm Applejack," she says with far more cheer. "Not often we get new folk in town, especially non-pony stallions."
  7640. >She looks over your supplies.
  7641. >"What's all this?"
  7642. "Oh, I had all these dropped off here this morning. See, I bought this plot of land here, and I plan on building a home."
  7643. >She blinks a few times, then points with a hoof.
  7644. >"Waita second. You plan ta build a house?"
  7645. "Yep," you confirm with a nod. "I'll be staying at a hotel until then, but it'll be worth it to have a house built with my own two hands."
  7646. >"You're gonna do it all on your lonesome?" she asks.
  7647. "That's right," you answer.
  7648. >The mare stares for several seconds, then bursts into laughter.
  7649. >You frown, watching the mare roll around on her back as she laughs her ass off.
  7650. "What's so funny?"
  7651. >"You!" she says. "Ah Stallion buildin' a house? That's a riot!"
  7652. >You're frown deepens.
  7653. "Aren't you a polite little pony," you say coldly, turning away.
  7655. >Applejack comes by the next day to see Anon actually working.
  7656. >He tells her off and she leaves in a huff.
  7657. >Comes back the next day to see he's making progress, which is surprising.
  7658. >She hurries on before the ornery stallion can yell at her again.
  7659. >Next day, she sees him struggling with a task, and feels she has to offer assistance.
  7660. >He accepts, and thanks her for the help begrudgingly.
  7661. >The next day, she offers to help again, and he accepts once more.
  7662. >A routine is formed where she starts stopping to help him each day, getting more involved each time.
  7663. >Anon goes from being cold, to starting be friendly as the two work together.
  7664. >One day, she ends up staying until sunset, now fully invested in the project.
  7665. >Anon offers to take her out to dinner for the work.
  7666. >Applejack starts getting the serious hots for this hard-working male.
  7667. >She's eager to help from then on to spend more time with him.
  7668. >Starts to get depressed as the home nears completion.
  7669. >When it's done, she's sad, but then Anon mentions extensions.
  7670. >Every home needs a shed, after all.
  7671. >Applejack beams and agrees.
  7672. >She blushes when Anon asks if she'll let him cook her dinner once he gets his home furnished.
  7673. >Eventual horse marriage.
  7680. > Strong, independent green man who don't need no handymare starts building a house on the outskirts of town
  7681. > Has no idea what he's doing, but if he nails enough wood together, it should be fine, right?
  7682. > Mares offer to help him, but he just yells at them to leave him alone
  7683. > Manages to get four walls up
  7684. > Forgets about the door, has to chop a rectangle into one of the walls
  7685. > Wants to have a sloped roof, but he isn't sure how to make one
  7686. > Ends up just putting a flat roof on top, telling himself that it'll be the floor when he gets around to building a second floor
  7687. > Moves in as soon as the roof and door are complete
  7688. > Notices that it's kinda drafty 
  7689. > Shoves dirt in the cracks in the walls
  7690. > It works okay until the next rainstorm
  7691. > That's when his walls start dripping mud into the room, not to mention the numerous leaks in the roof
  7692. > By Autumn, he's patched over every hole and crack
  7693. > Early winter, he realizes he forgot a fireplace and a chimney
  7694. > When he finally retreats to a hotel, the mares of Ponyville sigh in relief
  7695. > It'd be a shame to lose a stallion, even if he is dumb and prideful
RAW Paste Data