Math jokes 6-10

Dec 27th, 2016
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  1. December 6th
  3. Some quickies:
  5. a) There’s ten kind of people: Those who understand binary code and those who don’t.
  6. b) In Vatican City, there’s two popes per square kilometer.
  7. c) My teacher is nowhere reliable. Yesterday he said “1 and 4 is 5”. Today he said “2 and 3 is 5”.
  8. d) A 0 says to an 8: “Nice belt!”
  9. e) Which animal can add? An octoplus.
  10. f) Two lines meet eachother: “Next time you buy a drink!”
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  14. December 7th
  16. An informatician and a mathematician sit next to each other in a plane (they don’t know each other). The informatician wants to play a little game for amusement, but the mathematician is tired and wants to sleep and declines. The informatician doesn’t give up that quickly and explains the rules. “I ask you a question and if you can’t answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I can’t answer it, I give you $5”. Again the mathematician declines and wants some sleep. The informatician feels offended and makes another suggestion: “Okay, if I can’t answer your question, you even get $50”. Since the mathematician acknowledges that he won’t find sleep, he grumpily consents. Now the informatician begins: “What’s the average distance between earth and moon?” The mathematician gives him $5 without a word. Then he asks his question: “What climbs up a mountain on three legs and comes down on four legs?” The informatician is surprised about this question, he tries to research it, he mails friends and puts it on the social media, but nobody can deliver a solution. After a few hours he gives up and gives $50 to the mathematician, who was able to sleep well the entire time. Now he asks: “What’s the solution?” The mathematician dips into his purse, hands out $5, turns around and continues sleeping.
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  20. December 8th
  22. “Do we know each other?”, the professor asks his nervous examinee. “Yeah, from the exam last year”. “Oh right”, the prof responds, “this time it’ll work out. What was the first question I asked you last year?” – “Do we know each other …”
  25. Exam in physics. The prof has put a claybrick on the radiator. He asks first: “Why is the brick hotter on the side opposed to the radiator?” – “Um, because thermal conduction and such?” – “No, because I’ve just turned it around”.
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  29. December 9th
  31. During a lecture, a famous mathematician – supposedly Hilbert – came across the “difficult” problem “7 times 9”. He asked the students for help. One shouted: “61!”, another shouted “65!”. Then the prof: “Please, gentlemen, that’s not possible! It can only be 61 or 65 but not both!”
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  35. December 10th
  37. More quickies:
  39. 1. My geometry teacher was sometimes spiky and sometimes blunt but he was always in the right.
  40. 2. If you want to understand recursion, you must at first understand recursion.
  41. 3. What’s the preferred wedding gift of a mathematician? A polynomial ring packed in nested intervals and a Markov chain with a stone.
  42. 4. What is yellow, curved, normalized and complete? A bananach space.
  43. 5. How do you flame a mathematician? “Your brain is smaller than any epsilon”
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