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- I’m not quite sure how to document something like this. Though, maybe that’s because I’ve never had to document anything like it before. I’ve never had anyone who makes me feel the way that you make me feel. You can make me feel like shit all at once, but then make me feel like I’m on top of the world at the same time – I’ve never met someone that has the ability to do that, that has that power, that control. It’s difficult to sit back here, the person that I am, and watch you be treated like shit and have to wait hand and foot on someone that doesn’t deserve it at all. You’ve dealt with it once before, how can you lax back right now and not realize that history consistently repeats itself, and that people simply don’t change? It’s never been characteristic of me to write shit down like this, but this is such a strong issue and I can’t help but try and get it out onto paper or even on a fucking computer screen. Because I can’t tell you myself, if I told you myself I would proceed to choke up and stumble over my words because I know that nothing between us will ever be the way that I’d like it to be. Every time that I’m with you, anywhere that we are, whatever the hell we’re doing, we always have a good time, and there’s no denying that – that is a fact. You’re in a relationship with someone who’s going to be gone for 6 months, and maybe even a year in addition to that. You’re also letting your mind forge the fact that he practically cheated on you the first time and also cussed you out many times when you were dating him previously. Don’t leave out the fact that you said a few days ago that you don’t really like him and that you need to find a way to break it to him that you don’t. It’s insane that I’ve known you for a little bit over a year and I would kill or be killed for you. I’ve done so much for you – not asking, and still not asking – never will be asking – for anything in return, because I simply love you. In English they asked if you could find “that person who you would truly do anything with such as travel around the world for, die for, and/or/there’s more/including sitting up all night advising and listening to…” And your name immediately came to my mind. Yeah – that’s friends, certainly, but when it’s something that doesn’t involve more than just the same sex, it’s not only friends. I fucking love you and there’s nothing that I can do about it, and, unfortunately, I’m just realizing it now; waiting for you to put the brakes on and realize that you’re being swept up by the mysticism of a marine/soldier/hero fighting for you and coming home to you. Wake up, he’s an asshole and he’ll always be an asshole – you said it yourself. While I’m watching you fall in love with the wrong person, I’m sitting back waiting to find the wrong person to fall in love with as well, because I’ve realized that regardless, we’ll never happen. Who’s fault? Neither, or maybe it’s yours – or maybe one day you’ll realize that I’m not just your best friend, and I’m not just someone who would go out of their way to protect you and make you happy, to do anything for you. That’s just a maybe, though, right?
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