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DamonB42 May 23rd, 2019 384 Never
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  1. age ratings on games-be-like, keep out, or enter, I'm a sign, not a cop,
  2.  
  3. Hippity hoppity pornhub-is now my property,
  4.  
  5. when you finish chewing your intense mint gum-and take a drink of water,
  6.  
  7. me, hey-what happened-to my other sock, the washing machine, gone, reduced-to atoms,
  8.  
  9. the porn tab in your computer as-soon as you hear-the slightest knock on-the door of your room, gone, reduced-to atoms,
  10.  
  11. nobody, russia in-the 1950's, do you wanna go-to space, puppy
  12.  
  13. When one of-the twins gets in trouble-and-the parents start-their investigation, search-the duplicate's memories,
  14.  
  15. How-the hell do you get, dick, from, richard, you ask him nicely,
  16.  
  17. We should try holding our politicians-to-the same standard we've set for producers of game of thrones,
  18.  
  19. I-have a customer support question, do you still make-these,
  20.  
  21. When you're a multi billionaire who-is a weeb, sold flame throwers, shot his car into space, and-even now-is verified on pornhub,
  22.  
  23. Waters flavor-is-its temperature, what-the fuck, sorry i needed-to tell-someone, what-the fuck, actually-what-the fuck, why does-that make sense,
  24.  
  25. when your crush friend zones you-but-this means you finally-have a friend, ah, victory,
  26.  
  27. decade, 10 years, century, 100 years, millennium, 1000 years, together forever, 2-and a half months,
  28.  
  29. Hey bill, could you pose for a picture?, of course, frank, what are you gonna use-it for?, erectile dysfunction, taking control,
  30.  
  31. Germany, we just designed a new tank, panzerkampf wah ghen five, and-it's-better than ever, mean-while in-the-soviet union,
  32.  
  33. Me, sixty ninth time, so-what's-the time now? my friend, am I a clock-to you?,
  34.  
  35. Hall ah lue yah started playing at church-today, kid-behind me, mom-this-is-the shrek-song, thank god-there-is still hope for-the next generation,
  36.  
  37. walking past a stranger, my brain, don't do-it, don't do-it, don't do-it, don't do-it, don't do-it, don't do-it, don't do-it, don't do-it, me,
  38.  
  39. Hardest materials known-to man, diamond, silicone carbighde, graphene, my dick during presentations,
  40.  
  41. 13 divided by 47, thirteen over fourty seven, My goodness, what an idea, why didn't I think of-that,
  42.  
  43. no one, worms on-the pavement-after-it rains, unbothered, moisturized, happy, in my lane, focused, flourishing,
  44.  
  45. manga, perhaps, ani may, perhaps, netflix adaptation, perhaps,
  46.  
  47. E lawn musk buys instagram-and deletes-it, all normie platforms-have-to go, buzzfeed-is next, E lawn musk,
  48.  
  49. watching netflix without academic pressure just-isn't-the same,
  50.  
  51. what-is a table, i don't know google-it, oh shit i'm google l o l i'm-so high right now dude ask bing lmao,
  52.  
  53. 4 types of assholes-that can-be found in nature, people who carve-their names into rocks, and litter in national parks,
  54.  
  55. me, opens phone for 0.76 seconds, every 7 year old within a 5 kilometer radius,
  56.  
  57. no one, people on FaceTime in public, are you sure you want-to-be an asshole, yes,
  58.  
  59. pro tip, if you're tired of boiling water-when making pasta, just boil a few gallons at-the start of-the week-and freeze for later,
  60.  
  61. Noe one-two three movies I don't want-to meet sexy singles in my areas I want-to watch my fucking film without-someone's tits showing up on my screen god,
  62.  
  63. I ate a cat, you make me want-to cry, that's in my opinion kind of cruel, but-even-so, i do respect your opinion, I will eat another,
  64.  
  65. weebs, I don't understand-why I am bullied just-because I love ani may-and mangas, also weebs, runs-like-this in-the hallways,
  66.  
  67. me, he died of natural causes, cop, you pushed him off-the roof, me, gravity's natural, speech 100
  68.  
  69. I'm gonna start a pyramid scheme-where i make one friend, they make two friends, those two each make three friends, and-then i-have a birthday party,
  70.  
  71. Schools-when-they put up anti vaping posters, well boys, we did-it, vaping-is no more,
  72.  
  73. been dating-the same girl for 5 years-and I always keep her picture in my wallet, whenever i face difficulties in life I take-to my wallet-and stare at  her picture,
  74.  
  75. And-it comforts me knowing-that-if I can survive-been in a relationship with-this psychopath I can survive anything, they had us in-the first half, i'm not gonna lie,
  76.  
  77. My-son was watching cartoons-and screamed dad get in here garfield just said a bad word, I said-which one, he said-thee S word, I said garfield said shit?, he looked shocked-and quietly said no, he, he said stupid,
  78.  
  79. hey sexy, hey how are you, really horny l o l how-about you?, ha ha i'm good, just relaxing in a hot tub right now,
  80.  
  81. dang really, that's hot, still not sure-if you' re a bot-or not, say water melon for me ha ha ha, water melon LOL, alright i'm convinced,
  82.  
  83. My new favorite quote, don't-be ashamed-to fart-while you urinate, there-is no rain without thunder,
  84.  
  85. when a piece of garbage ends up in-the recycling-so you put-it in-the correct bin, know your fucking place, trash,
  86.  
  87. when you-become an uber driver-and you drop off a dude at your secret fishing spot,
  88.  
  89. I thinkI've found-the greatest youTube comment ever written, When i was younger I thought Jon Bonet Ramsay was Gordon Ramsays daughter-and-the reason he was-so angry all-the time was-because his daughter was dead,
  90.  
  91. honey-what's wrong?, If a gay person looks at-their penis do-they get a boner, oh fuck,
  92.  
  93. Fam I held-the door open for a woman at subway-so she got-to-the line-before i did, and-this hoe-ordering 14 sandwiches, i promise I'm done with-the gentleman shit on my-soul,
  94.  
  95. My step dad-told me-it was pointless-to apply-to med school-because i was-too stupid-to-be a doctor,
  96.  
  97. 8 years later-and one of us-is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem-and-the other-is making six figures an going-to hawaii-this weekend-to renew his wedding vows with my mom,
  98.  
  99. they had us in-the first half, not gonna lie,
  100.  
  101. you posted cringe bro, your going-to lose followers,
  102.  
  103. why-is 6 afraid of 7?, I don't know-why?, because 7 was a convicted murderer for-the death of 26 people, wait i thought-it was-because 7 ate 9, that's-the children's version,
  104.  
  105. kim kardashian announced-that-the name of her fourth child-is salm west-and-someone comments salm wrong with y'all?,
  106.  
  107. when you're playing pool-and want-to look-like you-have any idea-what-the fuck you're doing,
  108.  
  109. iPhone users, haha, samsung-is trash, samsung users, wips out smart fridge, iPhone users,
  110.  
  111. meem'sters, run out of formats, thanos, You couldn't live with your own failure, Where did-that bring you?, Back-to me,
  112.  
  113. nobody, the bowling alley screen-when you get a strike,
  114.  
  115. me explaining how-if I drink 18 million 5 hour energies I will live forever, my doctor, my mom,
  116.  
  117. did you guys-order-the mozzarella sticks?, no, but we'll take em,
  118.  
  119. girlfriend yelling at me-to choke-and slap her, me, a good christian boy,
  120.  
  121. God in-the new testament, God in-the old testament, you dare oppose me mortal,
  122.  
  123. Re ah nah reveals-there-is no new Drake collaboration in-the works, not anytime-soon, I don't see-it happening, not on-this album, that's for sure, she rejected drake-and all 48283 of his accents,
  124.  
  125. I seen a man jogging-towards-the bus stop-and assumed he was try nah catch-the bus-so I put my hand out-to stop-it for him-and-the man just kept jogging past, I-then got on-the bus-because I felt awkward for stopping-it,
  126.  
  127. avengers end game passes avatar, avengers end game officially passes avatar-at all-time domestic box office, we won mister stark,
  128.  
  129. the bowling meem's are just an excuse-to post curse'd images-and shitposts,
  130.  
  131. when you go-to minecraft dot net-after 7 years-and your e mail-and passwords autofill, I'm still worthy,
  132.  
  133. so yesterday I was on my way-to Phoenix-and I captured one of-the craziest photos,
  134.  
  135. damn I've really used-these wrong my whole life, I was-today years old-when I found-this out,
  136.  
  137. teacher, why are you smiling?, me, nothing, in my mind,
  138.  
  139. me, brings girl home, my mom, girlfriend?,
  140.  
  141. show me-the-best way of teleportation, I said-best, ping, 999, perfection,
  142.  
  143. do you-like your ice cream bone-in-or boneless?,
  144.  
  145. my friend, how come nobody has caught on-to-the other part of-this meme?, me, cause-sometimes in life you're gonna start slow,
  146.  
  147. I-have a very huge respect for those who didn't watch game of thrones at all, not-even a single episode, even with all-the noise made online-and off line, these set of people cannot-be affected-by-social pressure, peer pressure-or any kind of pressure in-this world,
  148.  
  149. when you accidentally say fuck-while-having dinner with your parents, you will die in 5 seconds,
  150.  
  151. when-the school blocks fortnite-but not minecraft, this, does put a smile on my face,
  152.  
  153. I wanna fuck, find ways-to make you smile, understand-and support you, cuddle you-and hold your hand, kinda really wanna fuck-the shit out of you-too,
  154.  
  155. when you start really thinking-about sea turtles-and-the environment-and shit,
  156.  
  157. with-the rise of self driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time-before-there's a country-song-where-the guy's truck leaves him,
  158.  
  159. when your mom starts talking-to-someone at-the grocery store-so you shit your pants-to make her leave, a small price-to pay for salvation,
  160.  
  161. man edits a wikipedia page-to get backstage for a show, last night-someone edited our wikipedia page-to say he was our family,
  162.  
  163. showed security at our show, got into-the green room-and had a-beer with-the boys, spargo you legend, thanks for-the-evening lads,
  164.  
  165. why I-like hanging out with guys more than girls, I was with a group of guys last night, and instead of talking-about other people-and gossiping, we had an hour long conversation-about how-if-someone rear-ends your car-and you shit yourself, you get paid twice-the amount of money,
  166.  
  167. emily, 19, I wanna cover you in peanut-butter-and see how much I can lick off-before my peanut-butter allergy kills me,
  168.  
  169. when-the chemistry teacher starts talking-about brewing-but he doesn't know you made 600 potions in minecraft, are you really in charge here?,
  170.  
  171. years ago I cheated back on my ex-and got-so nervous he'd find out-that I broke out in a stress rash-and-told his mom-it was stress from school,
  172.  
  173. and her response was I had one of those-when I was younger-because I cheated on my boy friend, you should'ev seen-the look on my face,
  174.  
  175. nibbas who remember-this guy deserve a veterans discount,
  176.  
  177. news, cops are looking for a man who stole 6-orange cats, built a fighting ring-and put lasagna in-the middle-to determine who-is-the real garfield, a small price-to pay for salvation,
  178.  
  179. patrick was right all along, mayonnaise-is an instrument, an instrument of war,
  180.  
  181. when you drop a plus 4 with ooh no-but all-the other players also drop one,
  182.  
  183. goes-to university daily, forgets-to wear ID card 1 day, university guards, I've never met-this man in my life,
  184.  
  185. I got hugged-by a girl, is-it possible-to learn-this power?,
  186.  
  187. my dad just-took his shoe off in-the middle of in in out-to show me his-socks,
  188.  
  189. when her replies are gradually getting shorter-and less frequent,
  190.  
  191. slow, curve ahead,
  192.  
  193. people at-the front of-the bus, people at-the back of-the bus,
  194.  
  195. anyways fuck James charles-and tati drama-because I just found out-that koalas are functionally extinct-and-have never-been more upset, we're really fucking up-this earth, if koalas go extinct i'm not forgiving anyone,
  196.  
  197. when you just woke up-and everyone talks-about bowling alley screens, confused as heck,
  198.  
  199. current mood, absolutely losing-it over-these pics of bad panoramas of dogs,
  200.  
  201. some of you game of thrones fans-have never seen your favorite decade-long tv show suddenly cut-to black-and-it shows,
  202.  
  203. what I spend on gummies you'll probably spend on gas l o l, odd flex-but ok,
  204.  
  205. americans-when-the trees start speaking vietnamese,
  206.  
  207. germans-when-the snow starts speaking russian, chinese government-when people start speaking freely,
  208.  
  209. the bowling alley screen-when you get a strike,
  210.  
  211. when your mom walks in your room-and you switch apps, pornhub, youTube,
  212.  
  213. steve-and peggy in 1986, peggy, steeve, why did you just spend 25000 dollars out of our retirement savings on-this dumb company called microsoft?, steve,
  214.  
  215. I was at a cardi b con sert for 45 minutes-before I realized-it was just a homeless man yelling at a trash can,
  216.  
  217. you're very attractive-to-the opposite sehx, but, you're also very attractive-to-the same sex, and your skin-is green,
  218.  
  219. I killed a dragon, I trained a dragon, I raised a dragon, I'm guilty of 17 counts of home invasion in-the state of louisiana from 2008-2012,
  220.  
  221. I hate-it-when-someone, throws a walrus at my grandma,
  222.  
  223. ending 2569421, after realizing-that-the snap wiped out-the producers of shrek 5-before-it was finished thanos decides-to undo-the snap himself,
  224.  
  225. I hate-it-when my, parents fight, husband drinks, boyfriend drinks, girlfriend drinks, husband-touches me, schwartz gets twisted, chinchilla eats-the universe, girlfriend cheated on me with a shark,
  226.  
  227. husband-is home, dog melts, girlfriend cheated on me with a shark, hold up,
  228.  
  229. when you re-visit your favorite minecraft youTuber-but he's playing fortnite now instead, I don't-even know who you are,
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