Lynn, I need to talk. You don't even have to say anything but just, you can ignore this completely if you want. We can just send memes to each other when you wake up and push this way back forever, I just had to get all this off my chest before I do anything else.

I know you said you needed time to take a break and think but it's seriously killing me. Not being able to tell the person I love that I love them, the way everything was worded really just left me fucking destroyed. Like, I know you don't think it but you let other people convince you all I wanted from this relationship was sex. That all I wanted was something purely physical and that's why you got nervous at the whole, ruining your image thing or intending to. I love you holy shit, even if we never did that and even if we never even touched each other I'd still love you. I love everything about you, I loved how I could talk to you and tell you everything but now I get nervous and anxious and wonder if I'm pushing boundaries of just staying friends.

Seriously, like. I love so much about you, when I got you to laugh or even giggle while playing games my heart always skipped a beat. Just hearing you tell me that you loved me was practically enough to make me want to do anything for you, I still do. Watching movies and just talking with you I felt like I was high on love and I wasn't ever going to come off of it. Video chatting with you and seeing you smiling while I'm giving off a big dumb goofy smile, I practically melted after each time. When you talked about our future and meeting your folks and going to Christmas Dinners with you and giving you my sweatshirt I was actually excited for that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, fuck the sex and everyone else that thought thats all I wanted. All I want is you, all I've ever wanted is you. I don't know how else I can put it besides just that, I want us to work more than anything because for the first time in a long time I didn't feel bitter and sad but happy and excited for the future. You made my life so much better in every conceivable way and I just... I was excited to wake up everyday, though now all I can remember is what I fucked up.

I know I stressed you out and that added to it. I know I was making things worse and I realize that now more than ever, I was your boyfriend I should of kept it as it was and not worried. I should of been someone to take away from the stress, I always tried to be by being here for you everyday. I know I'm hard to love and shit but I want to be here for you everyday, I don't want you to feel like you have to go to anyone else! I want to talk you through things when you're stressed, whenever you want no matter what the heck is going on in my life. That's all I ever wanted really is just to be there for you, I still want that.

The two day break was my mistake, and I don't wanna repeat that. I've just never loved anyone like you before and I found myself getting nervous at everything because more than anything else I didn't wanna lose you, and I feel like I'm getting close to that now. I acted out when I shouldn't have and really just again, added to stress that wasn't needed. I... Want to just be here for you, I want to be able to know that I have you and I have someone that loves me back.  I had that before and I screwed myself out of it, I don't want to do that again.

Fuck, Heck! I'll just do it, I'm asking from the bottom of my heart. You skipped over this question last time, and I need to know. We can stay friends, you don't have to feel pressured I just didn't feel like I did a good job expressing my feelings last time. Don't lie to yourself, just be completely honest if you choose to answer this. That's all I want from this, nothing but the truth and how you actually feel if you do choose to respond to this.

Do you still love me, and will you ever give me one last chance to make something work with you? Even if my chance is just in July and we're just friends until then and I'm just someone you can occasionally talk to until then I'll take it a thousand times over. I just, I want to know if I have that chance.

Just... I want to know if I can ever tell you how much I love you again. If I can ever get those goodnight messages with the hearts attached that I looked forward to every night before bed, and those good mornings that continued to drive me to push myself and do better everyday in my life. I gotta know if we're done forever or not, if I shouldn't get my hopes up and just stick to this buddy thing we got going on right now, which I don't want to end either.

If not, I just... I want to know why, you know? I'd like to know what really fucked this over permanently for us? Do you like someone else? Do you just not want a relationship with me? Do you not feel that same spark we've always had? All I wanna know is why.

I'll still be a kickass friend when you need no matter what you say. We're still pretty compatible and work well as buddies, so I'll try not fuck that up. I'm actually kind of nervous even sending this will fuck that up, but I just had to get this all off my chest.