Wiggy

Royalty Greentexts: Princessfag Picnic

Apr 22nd, 2015
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  1. >"Yo, Sunfag, think you could pass the mustard?"
  2. "Got ya covered, Moonfag."
  3. >You grab the bottle of mustard and hand it to the moonfag, who squirts a huge amount of it onto his hot dog.
  4. "Aw man, you know, I thought we'd try to kill each other over best princess, but you guys are all right."
  5. >"Agreed," Crystalfag said. He sighed. "Just sucks that mine's taken."
  6. >"Ah, her husband's probably a cuck anyways," Moonfag comforted.
  7. >"But what about mine? Until Flash fucks off or marries her, I won't know if I'm a cuck or not," Twifag complains.
  8. >You clenched your teeth.
  9. "Yeah, she's...kind of complicated."
  10. >The birds above the four of you chirped happily as ponies in the Canterlot park ran about.
  11. >Despite this happy environment surrounding the four of you, Twifag hangs his head low.
  12. >"I can only hope."
  13. >"Aw, don't worry Twifag," Moonfag tells him, "If she decides to fuck him, you can become a moonfag with me."
  14. >"It'd be better than becoming a Sunfag," Crystalfag snickers.
  15. "What's that supposed to mean?"
  16. >"Well," Crystalfag explains, setting down his sandwich, "Technically, all the princesses except Luna have been in a relationship."
  17. "But Celestia hasn't."
  18. >Crystalfag smirked at you.
  19. >"Reflec-"
  20. "DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY IT."
  21. >"That never happened, anyways," Twifag said.
  22. >Moonfag scoffs. "Yes it did. Anyone who says otherwise is in denial."
  23. "Yeah, no, fuck you."
  24. >"Look out everyone!" Moonfag yells as he raises his hands, "The zealot's coming for me!"
  25. >"You can't seriously still believe that myth, right?" asks Twifag.
  26. >"Well, you've got Flashfags, Moonfag has Noctis, and Sunfag has the zealot. Ha, I don't have a boogeyman!" Crystalfag gloats.
  27. >You and Moonfag glare at Crystalfag as he snickers to himself.
  28. >"You looking to start shit?"
  29. >"Noctis."
  30. >Moonfag gets up and looks down at Crystalfag.
  31. >"Guys," Twifag calls.
  32. >"Noctis left a long time ago."
  33. >"True, but maybe he's also the zealot?"
  34. >You get up, too.
  35. "The zealot is a fucking myth. He's just a lone faggot trying to start shit."
  36. >"Guys."
  37. >"You can't prove that though, can you?"
  38. >"I will kick your crystal ass!"
  39. "Leave some for me!"
  40. >"GUYS!"
  41. >You all look over at Twifag, who's pointing ahead of him.
  42. >When he sees you're paying attention, he says, "Look."
  43. >Following his finger, you find what he's staring at, and boy, is it a treat.
  44. >Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Shining Armor, and Twilight are all sitting on a picnic blanket themselves, enjoying a nice lunch.
  45. >You're all silent as you watch your waifus interact with one another, talking over the picnic basket.
  46. >Shining and Cadance laugh, then give each other a quick peck on the lips.
  47. >"...f-fucking cuck," Crystalfag curses.
  48. >"Guys," Moonfag says, "this could be our chance to make a move on them."
  49. >"Well, except you, Crystalfag," Twifag says apologetically.
  50. >"Shut up," Crystalfag tells Twifag.
  51. >"Hey guys, am I late?"
  52. >You all turn around to find another human with black eyes, gray hair, and a huge fucking smile on his face.
  53. >"Who's this?" Twifag asks.
  54. >"Shit, I know this guy, I've seen him a couple times before," Crystalfag says, snapping his fingers as he tries to remember.
  55. "Chuck," both you and Moonfag greet.
  56. >"So, what's going on here, gents?" the fellow princessfag asks.
  57. >"Alright, you see that?"
  58. >Chuck looks in the direction you point in, finding the royal picnic occurring.
  59. >"Oh, neat."
  60. >"We're gonna try and seduce 'em!" Moonfag proudly declares.
  61. "That may not be the right word for it."
  62. >Chuck scoffs.
  63. >"But pony isn't for sexual."
  64. >All four of you stare at the writefag, your collective gazes piercing his soul.
  65. >"What?"
  66. "Get out," you all tell him.
  67. >His smile never leaves, but he's annoyed.
  68. >"Fine, fuck you faggots anyways. I'll just go join them. Watch and be amazed at how to act like a normalfag, you autists."
  69. >"Pfft, you're a stranger, though," Crystalfag tells him, "What makes you think they'll just let you sit with them?"
  70. >"Because I know things," Chuck says as he merrily makes his way over to the royal ponies.
  71. >The four of you watch as the asshole greets the ponies.
  72. >They smile at him, he talks with the group for a moment, and then Celestia and Luna scoot over to give him room.
  73. >He sits in between Luna and Cadance, then, as the ponies begin talking again, he looks over at you guys and flips the bird.
  74. >"Oh what the fuck?" Twifag asks.
  75. "He's a writefag," you tell Twifag, "He probably used his literature powers on them or something. Fucking cheater."
  76. >"Well even if he didn't, if he could go over and get with them, we sure as Hell can, too!" Moonfag says.
  77. >"What's the point?" Crystalfag laments, "writefag or not, there's no way we can do that too. We're walking spaghetti bombs."
  78. >"Well you can stay here and wallow in self-pity all you want, I'm going over and getting myself some moon poon," Moonfag asserts, marching over to the royal group.
  79.  
  80. >You are Moonfag.
  81. >You are triumphantly going over to the royal picnic.
  82. >Luna will be yours.
  83. >Chuck will crash and fucking burn.
  84. >Sunfag, Crystalfag, and Twifag will be proud that you've caught your waifu.
  85. >As you approach the picnic, though, you suddenly feel apprehensive.
  86. >That was actually your waifu, sitting there, talking and eating with her family.
  87. >Sweat begins to drip down your body as the group becomes closer.
  88. >"So what you're saying is that the smile you're wearing is fake?" Luna asks Chuck.
  89. >"Of course. It's a mask. Gotta keep it mysterious, right?"
  90. >Chuck bites into his onion and jalapeno pizza, but his mouth doesn't even move.
  91. >"Is it kept up by magic?" Twilight asks him.
  92. >"Heh, if I said, that wouldn't be mysterious, now would it?"
  93. >You're only a couple feet away from the group, trying to think of a way to introduce yourself.
  94. >Chuck looks up and sees you.
  95. >"Oh, hey there."
  96. >Shit.
  97. >The rest of the group's eyes are now on you as well.
  98. >Keep the spaghetti in your pockets, Moonfag.
  99. >"Oh, hello there," Celestia greets kindly.
  100. >"Moonfag," Chuck greets before going back to his pizza.
  101. >"Moonfag?" Luna asks. "Do you know this one, Chuck?"
  102. >"Kind of. I'll let him do the talking, though."
  103. >Cadance looks up at you with a raised eyebrow.
  104. >"Moonfag? As in, the actual moon?"
  105. "Uh, y-yeah..."
  106. >Luna takes interest.
  107. >"Ah, are you a moongazer?" she asks, looking at you with a smile.
  108. >Your eyes dart to her ass, then her eyes.
  109. "Y-you could say that."
  110. >"Oh, tell me, what's your favorite shape of the moon?"
  111. >Is she batting her eyelashes at you?
  112. >No, no, she's just blinking.
  113. >Keep it together.
  114. "Waning gibbous?"
  115. >"A fan of the halves, are we? I think the same way. The shape reminds me of a finely cut orange. Tell me, what do you like about it?"
  116. >Don't say it looks like her butt.
  117. >Don't say it looks like her butt.
  118. >Don't say it looks like her butt.
  119. "It...looks like your butt?"
  120. >Oh gee, you said it looks like her butt.
  121. >Chuck almost spits out his food from laughter.
  122. >The royals, on the other hand, are appalled.
  123. >Luna tries to process what you said. "What did you...?"
  124. "SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!"
  125. >You run back to your picnic group, spaghetti streaming from your pockets, knowing full well you just goofed bad.
  126.  
  127. >"That was brutal," Crystalfag says as he pats Moonfag's back.
  128. >"Just...leave me alone," Moonfag says, his face in his hands.
  129. >"Well, now that you're back," Twifag says, "I think it's my turn!"
  130. "Shit, I was gonna go next!"
  131. >But before you can protest further, Twifag is already on his way over.
  132.  
  133. >You are Twifag.
  134. >Moonfag may have fucked up, but you won't.
  135. >Just keep it cool, talk to them, and work your way towards flirting with Twilight.
  136. >Easy enough.
  137. >"Is that...spaghetti?" Shining asks as he looks at the trail of pasta left by Moonfag.
  138. >"Yep," Chuck informs, "It's a natural defense mechanism used when a faggot has to make a quick getaway. The spaghetti's supposed to distract the hungry predator."
  139. >"What is a faggot?" asks Celestia.
  140. >Chuck hums, then sees you.
  141. >"Him," he says, pointing at you.
  142. >All eyes are on you.
  143. >Fuck you, Chuck.
  144. >"Hello," Twilight chirps at you, "are you another faggot?"
  145. "A-actually," you try to correct, "just call me a human, if you could."
  146. >"A faggot human," Chuck mocks.
  147. "Shut up."
  148. >"Oh, so you're a human? Do all humans have spaghetti inside them?"
  149. >Cadance licks her lips.
  150. >"Wouldn't that be nice? You'd never go hungry," she finishes with a chuckle.
  151. "Maybe we could find out together," you tell the purple alicorn.
  152. >Boom.
  153. >You're already off to a good start.
  154. >"Maybe I could join, too."
  155. >Shining looks at you with the eyes of an overprotective big brother.
  156. >Oh shit.
  157. "Uh, s-sure, of course you could. There'd be no problem with that, heh heh..."
  158. >He smelled your flirting from a mile away.
  159. >He's good.
  160. >"You sound scared, Twifag," Chuck teases.
  161. "Sh-shut up," you tell him again.
  162. >"Oh, is that his name?" Luna asks.
  163. >"Yep. Be sure to wear it out."
  164. >Ignoring the conversation they have, Twilight goes back to you.
  165. >"When's a good time for you to do this study?"
  166. >"Yeah, Twifag. When?"
  167. >Shining is scary when he's looking out for little sis.
  168. "U-uh, m-maybe we could, uh, m-meet up at, uh, the library tomorrow...?"
  169. >"Oh, what a shame," Chuck says, "Twilight here was just telling me that she was going to see one Flash Sentry tomorrow."
  170. >You freeze.
  171. >Flash...
  172. >Sentry...?
  173. "I-is that true?"
  174. >Twilight frowns, fiddling with her hooves.
  175. >"Well, yeah, sorry about that."
  176. >"You two have fun, by the way," Shining says with a smile.
  177. >"Oh stop," Twilight teasingly replies.
  178. "Wait, you're not going with her?" you ask Shining.
  179. >"No, because I trained Flash as a guard. I trust him alone with her. You I just met not even five minutes ago."
  180. >No.
  181. >That implied...
  182. >A date...
  183. >"So, how does Thursday sound, Twifag?"
  184. >All of your blood drains from your face, and the world goes black.
  185.  
  186. >"Oh shit!" Crystalfag yells.
  187. "WEEWOO, WEEWOO," you yell, running over to the fainted Twifag and picking him up.
  188. >The royals stare at the display awkwardly.
  189. >Chuck is once again laughing his ass off.
  190. >Bringing Twifag back to the picnic blanket, you move the picnic basket and set him down.
  191. >"Stand back, guys," Moonfag says, "I know CPR."
  192. >He presses down on Twifag's chest repeatedly, trying to revive the fainted fag.
  193. >Meanwhile, you and Crystalfag notice that the royals are now watching you.
  194. "Shit, what do we do now?"
  195. >Crystalfag thinks for a moment, then nods at you.
  196. >"I'm gonna go apologize to them."
  197. "What?"
  198. >"You heard me. And then I'll see if I can slip in between Cadance and Shining. If he really is a cuck, he won't care, right?"
  199. "You're a dumbass if you actually believe that, you know."
  200. >"It's worth a shot, right?" Crystalfag states before walking to the royal group.
  201.  
  202. >You are Crystalfag.
  203. >You are making your way to the royal ponies to apologize for your friends' behavior.
  204. >They're all watching you approach.
  205. >Fuck, that made it really tense for you.
  206. >When you get close enough to talk to them, you try and ease them by smiling.
  207. "Uh, hey, sorry about that. My friends are just kind of weird like that."
  208. >They curiously frown at you.
  209. >Except Chuck.
  210. >"Oh, by the way everyone," he says, "this is Crystalfag."
  211. "Hi guys."
  212. >"So," Cadance begins, scratching her head, "is Twifag okay? He looked really pale."
  213. "Aw, he'll be fine," you assure them. "Moonfag knows CPR anyways."
  214. >"CLEAR!"
  215. >"OW, YOU FUCKER!"
  216. >The royals look at the humans with concern.
  217. >You laugh nervously.
  218. "Y-yeah, yeah, fine."
  219. >Whether by your words or their assurance that Twifag would be fine, the royals' attention goes back to you.
  220. >"So Crystalfag," Chuck says, "you mind telling everyone what you're really doing here?"
  221. "What do you mean? I'm just here to apologize for those guys."
  222. >Chuck shrugs, then goes back to eating his pizza.
  223. >Deciding to make it a little less awkward, you sit down with the group.
  224. >"Why do all of you have 'fag' at the end of your names?" Celestia asks.
  225. "That's just human lingo is all. It means I like crystals."
  226. >Shining and Cadance's interests are piqued.
  227. >"Have you ever been to the Crystal Empire?" Cadance asks.
  228. >Shining chuckles. "If you like crystals, you'd love it there."
  229. "Yeah, I'd love to go there someday. Sucks that I don't have the money, though."
  230. >"Maybe you could come home with us," Cadance offers.
  231. >"We could show you around, give you a few nice souvenirs, maybe even find you a place to stay," Shining adds.
  232. >They were handing this to you.
  233. >Keep going.
  234. "How long could I stay in your castle?"
  235. >"As long as you need. Not like every room's used up or anything."
  236. "Nice, nice. Think you guys could use some help around the castle while I'm there?"
  237. >"Nah," Shining waves off, "we've got servants all around the castle. Thanks, though."
  238. "You sure? I could help you guys in certain...other areas, y'know."
  239. >He had to be a cuck, right?
  240. >Then there was no reason he should refuse this.
  241. >"...what do you mean?" Cadance asks.
  242. "Oh come on, you guys aren't always able to get together, right? Either one of you are probably too busy to get to bed with each other sometimes, so I'd be there to, y'know, be in your place."
  243. >The couple stares at you in disbelief.
  244. >...he wasn't a cuck, was he?
  245. >"You are a dumbass," Chuck tells you.
  246. >"Leave," Cadance commands.
  247. "But-"
  248. >"Leave," Shining repeats in a louder tone.
  249. "F-fuck."
  250. >If you had just kept your mouth shut, you would've gotten a free ride to the Crystal Empire.
  251. >You get up, leaving the picnic blanket disappointed.
  252. >Shining and Cadance's hard glares can be felt on the back of your head.
  253.  
  254. >Twifag is back up and now ashamed of his actions, just as Moonfag was.
  255. >"Goddammit."
  256. >You look behind you to find Crystalfag walking back downheartedly.
  257. >From the looks of Shining and Cadance, they were not happy with whatever he said to them.
  258. "You thought he was a cuck, didn't you?"
  259. >"Fuck off."
  260. >He sits dejectedly with the other princessfags.
  261. >You look over to the royals, who have gone back to eating.
  262. >Celestia is the only one who hasn't had an embarrassing encounter with one of you.
  263. >Do.
  264. >Not.
  265. >Fuck.
  266. >This.
  267. >Up.
  268. "I'm gonna go over there now. Wish me luck, guys."
  269. >"Meh," the others reply.
  270. >It was the thought that counted.
  271. >You leave the picnic blanket, trying to form a game plan in your head.
  272. >Moonfag told Luna the moon looked like her butt.
  273. >Twifag fainted at the thought of Flash and Twilight being an item.
  274. >Crystalfag bought into the cuck thing.
  275. >It's probably a safe bet to say you shouldn't spout "Praise the sun!"
  276. >Just talk to her like a normal pony while subtly trying to pick her up.
  277. >As you approach the royals, you swear you're walking on death row.
  278. >Stick to the plan.
  279. >Stick to the plan.
  280. >Stick to the plan.
  281. >Chuck spots you and chuckles.
  282. >"Saving the best for last, are we?"
  283. >The entire group looks at you.
  284. >Amazingly, despite your retarded friends' actions, they have no signs of distrust on them.
  285. >"Celestia, Sunfag. Sunfag, Celestia," Chuck says, motioning to you and her with his hand.
  286. "Uh, hi."
  287. >"Hello. From what I've gathered, your name means you like the sun, right?"
  288. "That's right."
  289. >"Something tells me you'll like me too, then," she says with a cute smile.
  290. >Nice and easy.
  291. >Don't mention her butt.
  292. "I...might."
  293. >You sit down next to the sun princess.
  294. >"Tell me, Sunfag, do you enjoy the mornings as much as I do?"
  295. >Use what you know about her to your advantage.
  296. "Almost as much as I like cake."
  297. >Her smile grows wider.
  298. >"Oh, you like cake, too?"
  299. "Love it. Best thing in the world."
  300. >That was something you and her had in common, anyways.
  301. >"I can always go for a slice, even when I shouldn't. I can be a bit naughty sometimes."
  302. >Don't get stiff, dick.
  303. >"I know this for a fact," Luna pipes up, "there are days she demands cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She refuses anything else."
  304. "Really?"
  305. >Celestia blushes, looking away with a smile.
  306. >"Sometimes..."
  307. "Aw, that's okay. Not like it's bad to have a bunch of cake, is it?"
  308. >"It's just too good not to have. What's your favorite flavor?"
  309. "Red velvet."
  310. >"Mmm~ I'm a fan of chocolate myself."
  311. >Damn, you're hitting it off pretty well.
  312. >Keep going, man.
  313. "So how do you feel about ruling Equestria?"
  314. >She cranes her neck to the left in thought.
  315. >"It can be tiring work, but seeing my subjects happy is payment enough."
  316. "A true model of an angel."
  317. >You cover your mouth.
  318. >She wasn't going to ask about-
  319. >"An angel?" Cadance asks.
  320. >"Oh, that's a bit much, Sunfag. I'd rather not think of myself in such a way."
  321. >Phew, that could've gone south.
  322. >It's great that she's so modest.
  323. >"She's pretty enough to be one, isn't she?" Twilight asks you.
  324. >Oh fuck.
  325. >You can say yes and embarrass Celestia, or say no and unintentionally insult her.
  326. >Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
  327. >Just go with yes!
  328. "Uh, yeah, I mean, she's quite a looker, isn't she?"
  329. >Despite hiding behind her wings at the compliment, Celestia smiles.
  330. >"Such a flatterer."
  331. >She likes it.
  332. >Keep doing that.
  333. "You're too hard on yourself, Celestia. I'd say you're so pretty, it's hard to even stand in your vicinity without admiring you."
  334. >The modest princess of the day doesn't budge from her wing tent.
  335. >"Sunfag, you're making her blush!" Luna points out.
  336. >That's a good thing, right?
  337. >Celestia giggles.
  338. "You're so pretty, every mare in Equestria strives to look just like you. All the stallions fall head over hooves the moment they see you."
  339. >Her grin stays on her face, but she looks as though she shrinks back even more.
  340. >"Shylestia is shy," Chuck says.
  341. "Beautiful enough to make even the most coldhearted of ponies appreciate you."
  342. >"I can vouch for that," Chuck states as he raises his hand.
  343. >"But you're not a pony," Twilight points out.
  344. >"Not like it makes a difference."
  345. >This was real good.
  346. >Make the next one come from the heart; really speak to her through this next compliment, and maybe she'll be yours.
  347. >Ready?
  348. >Go.
  349. "So pretty, it's hard for me to resist coming over there and ravishing you nice and hard."
  350. >...
  351. >...wait.
  352. >No, no, no!
  353. >Those words were not supposed to come out!
  354. >They were from your dick, not your heart!
  355. >All the charm of the moment is suddenly lost, as all of the royals stare at you.
  356. >Celestia's smile is gone.
  357. >"...what?"
  358. "I-I-I uh-"
  359. >"You lose," Chuck taunts.
  360. >"Sunfag," Celestia says, "I think that was a little blunt."
  361. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!"
  362. >"So you didn't mean it when you said she was pretty, either?" Shining asks you.
  363. "Fuck, no-no, I mean, she's attractive enough to have sex with and-"
  364. >You slap yourself on the forehead.
  365. "I-I mean-"
  366. >"Sunfag," Luna says, "it may be best if you joined your friends."
  367. >The three other princessfags in the distance had watched you.
  368. >They look as ashamed as the royals around you.
  369. "There's no saving this, is there?"
  370. >"Fuckin' no."
  371. >And you were doing so well, too.
  372. >Taking the walk of shame, you head back to your own picnic blanket, sitting next to the other princessfags.
  373. >None of you say a word to each other.
  374. >The royals give you a piteous look, but go back to eating again.
  375. >While the happy, playing fillies and colts around you laugh, you can't help but feel as though they were mocking you and your friends.
  376. >The royals now thought all four of you were fucking weirdos.
  377. >What a way to end the picnic.
  378.  
  379. >You are Chuck.
  380. >Those four retards really fucked themselves over.
  381. >"They seemed nice...at first," Cadance says.
  382. >"I thought Twifag was okay," Twilight defends.
  383. >"Twiley, he was bad news. Trust me."
  384. >All the ponies now look at you.
  385. >"Chuck, are humans all like that?"
  386. >You scoff.
  387. "No. That would mean we're all retarded. Do I look retarded?"
  388. >"...retarded?"
  389. "Stupid. Dumb. Idiotic."
  390. >"Well, no," Celestia says, "but I don't think looks have to do with it."
  391. "Of course not. It's their social retardation that killed them."
  392. >"Really?" Luna wonders aloud, "How do you know?"
  393. "Because I know those guys."
  394. >You set your food down.
  395. "Now look, they were really fucking creepy, and I was mocking them, sure. And they all do want to fuck you guys, yeah."
  396. >"Fuck?"
  397. "Have sex with you."
  398. >"Wh-what?"
  399. >"I got that from Crystalfag," Shining says with a scowl.
  400. "Let me finish. Okay, yeah, they're horny, socially inept morons, but they're my horny, socially inept morons. Take it from me, if I had actually stuck up for them and hadn't mocked them, they probably wouldn't have embarrassed themselves."
  401. >"So they're actually your friends? Why were you so rude to them?" Celestia accusingly asks.
  402. "Because I'm still a jerk, first and foremost."
  403. >You hold up your hand before any of the ponies can say anything.
  404. "I'm getting sidetracked. Look, you guys seem to trust me already. How about we try talking to them again, except this time I make sure they don't sperg out?"
  405. >Your vengeance was complete, anyways.
  406. >That'll teach them to kick you out of their picnic.
  407. >"Sperg out?"
  408. "Act like idiots and try to seduce you."
  409. >"Oh."
  410. >Celestia thinks on your offer.
  411. >"I...suppose there'd be no harm in giving them a second chance."
  412. >"Just as long as you're extra watchful of Crystalfag and Twifag, Chuck."
  413. "Sure."
  414. >"Then it's a deal for me," Shining agrees.
  415. >"What he said," Cadance adds.
  416. >"You know, I was genuinely interested in talking to Moonfag more. I agree to this," Luna says.
  417. >"If I've learned anything about friendship, it's that you should always at least be willing to reach out to somepony trying to make new friends. I'll give them another chance."
  418. >Twilight's approval is the last one you need.
  419. "Cool. I'll go grab the fags."
  420.  
  421. >You and the other princessfags continue your dead silence, staring at the picnic basket.
  422. >None of you even had an appetite anymore.
  423. >The shame was too much to handle.
  424. >It may be awhile before any of you even move.
  425. >The sound of approaching footsteps doesn't make any of you budge.
  426. >"Geez, you guys really are pathetic, you know that?"
  427. >Chuck's smug voice didn't even anger you anymore.
  428. >He laughs when he gets no response.
  429. >"Oh, the cold shoulder, I see. Fine, I guess you don't care that I just talked all of them into giving you guys another chance."
  430. >You all look at him.
  431. "What?"
  432. >"They're all going to let you guys come over and eat with them, provided you don't spill spaghetti again."
  433. >Each one of you is on your feet in an instant, running back to the royals' blanket.
  434. >Chuck follows you, walking casually.
  435. >The four of you stop suddenly when you reach the blanket, the royals looking at you with unsure expressions.
  436. >Then, awkward silence yet again.
  437. "Uh...hi again."
  438. >"Hey," Twilight greets back oddly.
  439. >All nine of you avoid eye contact.
  440. >"Jesus Christ," Chuck says as he comes back to sit on the blanket. "You guys are already making this weird. Sit down."
  441. >The four of you take places on the blanket, but are sure not to go to your respective waifu, thinking it'd creep them out.
  442. >"Luna, you said you wanted to talk to Moonfag, so there you go."
  443. >"You did?" Moonfag asks the lunar princess.
  444. >"Yes, actually. Despite your comment about my rear, I was interested in speaking to someone about their interest in the moon."
  445. >"Twifag, put aside the fact that she's seeing Flash and just talk to her."
  446. >"O-okay."
  447. >He turns to the purple pony.
  448. >"So, uh, you said Thursday, right?"
  449. >"Crystalfag, make amends with the Crystal Couple, and see where it gets you."
  450. >"It'll take a lot to convince us to let you come to the empire again," Cadance warns.
  451. >"Fine by me. I'll give you a lot, then."
  452. >"Sunfag, go back to complimenting Celestia. She liked it up until the sex part."
  453. >You look at Celestia.
  454. "Did you actually like those compliments, Celestia?"
  455. >She smiles.
  456. >"Maybe a little."
  457. >Before you can give her another one, she places her hoof on your mouth.
  458. >"Just take it slowly this time, okay?"
  459. >Her hoof comes off.
  460. "Okay. Uh, let's see...your mane's so soft, not even the finest silk can compare to it."
  461. >She shies away, but smiles again.
  462. >Perfect.
  463.  
  464. >You are Chuck again.
  465. >You have made this one big gay family.
  466. >Fuck.
  467. >This made you feel somewhat like a good person.
  468. >Just try to ignore the feeling and watch your work unfold.
  469. >Cadance and Shining eventually got around to forgiving Crystalfag.
  470. >Moonfag and Luna were deep into a talk about constellations.
  471. >Twifag and Twilight had agreed to meet up to talk about human biology, and were currently discussing literary works.
  472. >And Sunfag and Celestia had gotten into a complimenting contest to see who could make the other blush harder.
  473. >All was good.
  474. >Except that you had finished the last of your pizza.
  475. >Maybe you could sneak something from the princessfags' basket...
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