Agent Nonimo - Ch. 002

Feb 27th, 2017
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  1. >You really wondered, was your life bad enough to be considering this?
  2. >Abandoning your safe life to make a deal with such a bizarre and strange creature just to accomplish a dream?
  3. >...
  4. >Yes?
  5. >No?
  6. >...
  7. >Your life was… average
  8. >You had an assured job in the future, a good family and some friends
  9. >But you feel that you could reach more than that
  10. >Adventure
  11. >Magic beyond of the human imagination
  12. >Waifus!
  13. >The first day of your new life hasn’t started yet but for your amazement you slowly open your eyes to see the planet Earth at the distance with stars behind it
  14. >That’s right, you’re in the outer space
  15. >Obviously, your first reaction is to cover your snout with your front hooves
  16. >”Oh relax Pepe, you can breath” says a calmed Discord
  17. >Trusting in Discord, you take off your hooves and you turn to see him “Discord, what are we doing here?”
  18. >He flies up to you and he holds your head to his cheek ”You know, I thought you will like to see your home for the last time before leaving”
  19. >You find this pretty weird coming from Discord but you can’t help it but drop a tear when you remember all the memories of your life in that big blue ball
  20. >You admire your teardrop floating calmly to your planet
  21. >But immediately you reaffirm your enthusiasm thinking about satiating your lust for excitement. Great adventures and new friends awaits you in a fantasy land
  22. >Discord materializes square glasses on his face and a pair of papers on his paw ”Now my little friend, we have to talk about the conditions to be in Equestria”
  23. >You cock an eyebrow at him “Conditions, what do you mean?”
  24. >”You really, really want to be in Equestria?
  25. “Of course, It’s the greatest dream in my life”
  26. >”I hope you’re willing to work then”
  27. >Okay, maybe making a deal with a interdimensional overpowered being who can toy with the fabric of time and space wasn’t your best idea
  28. >Fuck it, whatever he wants to do with you, he can’t break your spirit
  29. >You gonna take the bull by the horns
  30. >He might be powerful but you’re obstinate and stubborn
  31. ”And what’s that job, if I may ask”
  32. >He starts to look at the sides and sighs. He takes his glasses off and drops the papers making them float away in the void of space ”Mmm… Nothing hard, but it’s gonna be fun” He giggles nervously. You start suspecting what his intentions are. But, you don’t really mind that. This is an opportunity too good to waste
  33. >You shrug and say “I guess a little work It doesn't hurt anyone…”
  34. >”That’s the spirit!” he snaps his talon and a hole in the middle of nothing filled with a swirl of colors appears, and while you’re looking at it he pushes you inside
  35. >Moving like a torpedo you fly through a flashing colors worm tunnel, wind goes through your coat and you scream while Discord laughs maniacally.
  36. >The psychedelic tunnel ends and you fall on a swivel chair in front of a metal desktop with two paper trays, behind it there’s a big chair. You’re in an old office without any windows, a wooden floor and beige walls. In a corner there’s a file cabinet. The only decoration is an old Celestia and Luna painting in the back wall.
  37. “Discord, what’s happening? Where we are?”
  38. >”Shhh… calm down little colt, try to keep your cool. By the way, this is a formal occasion, so…” and he makes your chair spin and when he stops it, you have a tuxedo with a red bow at your neck “You need to have a better aspect”.
  39. >”Huh?”
  40. >You can hear a door knob behind you slowly opening. You notice how at the door window it’s written “secruoser ynoP”
  41. >An old gray pony with a mane with not much hair enters the office and walks slowly while almost shivering, he has a cane and glasses.
  42. >When he reaches his chair he focuses his sight in the draconequus and you. He presses a button on a vintage desktop intercom device “They’re here” and after a minute a voice with a little of static noise answers “Well, time to interview the applicant. I’ll send him Lyra”
  43. >Lyra? What’s happening?
  44. >”Hummm, can I leave? I have things to do” asks Discord to the old Pony
  45. >”Yes, but have you told him about the program?”
  46. >”Mmmm, of course Mr. Inkwell, do you really think I would take somepony from another dimension and recruit him like a secret agent without giving him any details?”
  47. >What? Secret Agent?
  48. >”Isn't that true, Pepe?” and he gives you a stern expression
  49. “Mmm… yes! Of course, he’s telling the truth!”
  50. >”Silly me! I can’t believe I almost forgot to give you this” Discord snaps his talon and materializes a saddle bag with the same color as the bag where you saved your stuff “Here you go Pepe…” you grab the saddle bag and you can see your equipage inside it.
  51. >”Ah Ok, I see. You can leave now Mr. Dearcorn”
  52. >”Thank you Mr. Inkwel, Arrivederci!” and the chaos spirit leaves the place with a smoke bomb.
  53. >You can hear the door behind you opening and you see a familiar mint unicorn.
  54. >”Hi Lyra, how are you doing?”
  55. >”Pretty well Mr. Inkwell, is he Pepe?”
  56. >”Yes, he is. Dearcorn left him here an while ago but he has to leave for personal issues. Hey Puppy, you must be tired after such commute, would you like a drink?”
  57. “Mmmm… a coffee would be fine”
  58. >He presses the button in his intercom “Hello, could you please bring a cup of coffee to my office?”
  59. >“I’m sending Ristretto to your office”
  60. >“Thank you”
  61. “Then… What am I supposed to do here?”
  62. >”You were selected for the application to the junior assistant, just like Discord told you before. You now have to fill the forms to begin” answers Lyra
  63. “Why me?”
  64. >”He didn’t told you? Geez, I guess he spent most of his time on Earth playing jokes on you to avoid the matter. Discord has made a report about you and how you would give your life to live in Equestria. He wanted to you to pay his debt”
  65. >It doesn't seems a bad deal for being part of a Discord scheme, it could be something worse like help him to slave Equestria or make some stupid prank.
  66. >But, why Discord cares so much about his reputation or helping Equestria?
  67. >Also, what’s up with him and those “personal business”?, he has a personal live to begin with? In the show he fucks around the M6 most part of time
  68. ”Debt? You mean the Tirek fiasco?”
  69. >”That’s right. He told us how he wanted to clean his reputation and how you were the perfect po- person to the job”
  70. >”I don’t get it, why didn’t he simply works for you?”
  71. >Before she answers a mare with yellow coat and a ponytail-styled brown mane with a chubby body and a smiling starfish as cutie-mark enters to the office with a tray with a coffee cup and sugar cubes “Here you have Mr. Inkwell” she looks a little nervous. She places it at the Mr. Inkwell front
  72. >”It’s for the colt, thank you” and Ristretto gasps “Sorry, sorry Mr. Inkwell” The old stallion doesn’t look amused “No problem…” He smiles at her and the mare places the tray at your front “Here you have… Hey who’s a cute little colt?”
  73. “Me?” you answer with doubt
  74. >”That’s right! you. So... who’s the father?”
  75. >Lyra clear her throat “He’s nopony son, he’s our new agent” she remarks with a serious tone
  76. >Ristretto looks amazed ”Oh… I see…” and then, she retakes her cheerful expression “Who’s a cute future agent?”
  77. “Me of course!” you say with a cocky expression, pointing at yourself
  78. >She giggles, but Lyra is getting tired of the whole scene and she wants to resume with her duties. “If you two have finished playing, we have a busy day ahead…”
  79. >”Sorry Miss Lyra, I’ll leave you alone so you can continue with your job” and she leaves the office whistling some song
  80. >“How I was about to tell you, that’s a good question, Discord works with us to a certain degree, but not like a complete agent. He can’t do the job due to his… non-conventional ways to work. We needed some unknown pony, a perfect nobody”
  81. >Huh, that makes some kind of sense
  82. “Well, where do I sign?” and you take a sip of your coffee
  83. >”Listen to me, before you accept the contract, I have to tell you the main agreement points. Number one: For a period of 10 years your life is gonna be property of SMILE, you have only one day a week dedicated to you. Number two: your name is gonna be Anomaly--
  84. “What?” You interrupt Lyra in protest ”That name sounds stupid” You harumph in resignation.
  85. >”Sorry, but that was the best name we could think and it’s already registered. Like I was about to tell you before you interrupted me...  you have to pretend to be a colt, my nephew under my care. Number three: You’re legally a colt, that means attending school and not drinking alcohol or smoking. Is everything I said OK?”
  86. >Sounds a bit lousy but not hard. You can do all that as long you can make reality your dreams of awesome adventures and being with your waifus
  87. >”Can I read the contract? I don’t want to lose any detail”
  88. >Lyra puts the contract in front of you and you read it. It doesn’t say anything more than what she told you before. The only bad part is that you can’t have sexual relations until you’re 16-years old.
  89. ”Right… I sign here?”
  90. >”Yes, but Mr. Inkwell is our notary, he has to do the rest”
  91. >How that can’t be his job? He mispronounces every name
  92. >You fill the forms and then very quick he does his job, putting a expedient number and sealing at the bottom of the contract. After that he saves the papel at a drawer of the file cabinet.
  93. >Everything is ready, Lyra and you leave the office and walk through a long corridor with some doors, a water dispenser and led lights.
  94. “So, Lyra... I have a question regarding the contract”
  95. >“What is it?”
  96. “A cuddle is considered ‘sex’?”
  97. >She gaves you a weird look “No…”
  98. “And a kiss?”
  99. >”Neither…”
  100. “Why that part of the contract though?”
  101. >”Because Discord gave us a full report with everything you posted in that thing… fourthchan and we don’t want any scandals with you and your ‘kinks’”
  102. “Hey I was joking, key? I wouldn’t do any of that… but I would make an exception for you babe” and you wink at her.
  103. >She looks a bit upset
  104. “Sorry, sorry. But would you like me to be a human again and have my fingers dancing with grace through your mane while my other hand caresses your back?”
  105. >She brushes her face but quickly turns it to the opposite side of you “Pepe, I don’t know what you think of me, but I’m a proper mare and I don’t have any of those weird fetishes…”
  106. >”Whatever you say, but… do you like tacos or churros?”
  107. >”What?”
  108. ”You know…” you wiggle your eyebrows smiling with perversion
  109. >”Pepe, stop it”
  110. “With what? Whatever you do with Bonnie it’s not my business.”
  111. >”Tell me one thing, are you humans always so impolite or you are like those stallion colts who don’t know how to talk with a mare and spend most time watching porn magazines?”
  112. “Me? Of course not, I had sex all the time back in Earth”
  113. >”I wasn’t talking about sex, I was talking about relationships”
  114. “Mmmm…. Yes, I had the most beautiful girlfriend”
  115. >”It doesn’t look like it…”
  116. “Whatever… where are we going?”
  117. >”You need some medical check-up, we need to have a talk with Jade, he’s from the science department”
  118. >She stops in front of a door and both of you enter a white room with anatomy diagrams, a silver exam table, a sink and a desktop. Behind the desktop there’s a tall white stallion with a brown mane, white coat and a brown circle around his left eye, he has a white paper with a bent corner like cutie mark. He’s reading some pages in a folder.
  119. >”Hey, Jade” says Lyra
  120. >However, the stallion keep reading while muttering some incomprehensive gibbering
  121. >”Jade!”
  122. >And the stallion raise his head and look at Lyra and you “What? When did you come?”
  123. >”Right now, Jade. Here’s our new agent”
  124. >”Huh? Oh, I see. Discord did a good work with the transformation, he looks alright”
  125. “Indeed he did, thank you. I can see you’re a nice stallion with good taste” and you brush and bite your lower lip
  126. >You don’t know why, but you feel… horny
  127. >Everything is so arousing
  128. >Maybe because you dedicated all these years to consume pone porn and you are surrounded by real ponies with every little detail, including their private parts
  129. >”What?” screams Lyra “Are you gonna act like this with everypony you see?”
  130. “Are you jealous? Because you didn’t look interested on me”
  131. >”It’s not that, you can’t do advances on everypony you see”
  132. “Hey, I wasn’t doing advances in anybody. I was trying to be polite with the doctor…”
  133. >Jade clears his throat to catch our attention
  134. >”Polite? I’m not stu--”
  135. >”Guys! We don’t have time to waste, I have to ask him some questions”
  136. “Can I take this off?” you point at your tuxedo “I feel a little uneasy with this”
  137. >”Go ahead” says Lyra with a tired expression
  138. >You take the tuxedo off, reach the exam table and make a French pose
  139. “Contain your orgasms, people” and you wink at Lyra and Jade
  140. >Lyra makes a facehoof and the doctor twitches an eye while forcing a smile
  141. >Yeah, that was fucking cringe
  142. “Sorry… what do you need to know, Jade?”
  143. >”First of all I need some blood to check your health” He takes a little syringe from a botiquin on his desktop and walks towards you.
  144. “It’s not gonna hurt me, right?”
  145. >”Are you scarred, Pepe?” Lyra asks you with a cocky look
  146. “Me? Not at all, but I want to be prepared. Mmmm Doctor… can you give me a lollipop later?”
  147. >”Yes…”
  148. >Dr. Jade cleans the syringe needle with alcohol, shaves a little part of your chest and applies some gel there. He walks to his desktop to take his syringe and after he comes to you, you close your eyes and start shivering.
  149. “When you say doctor, I’m ready”
  150. >You nervously open an eye and you can see a lollipop on the Jade’s hoof “That was it, and you were so brave that you deserve a treat” he says with a sarcastic tone.
  151. >You take the lollipop from his hoof and you start to lick it “Mmm… chupelupe”
  152. >”So, how was the travel between worlds?”
  153. ”Pretty rad, it was like being a bullet flying through a crazy color tunnel!”
  154. >”I see, interesting. Discord changed your body before that?”
  155. ”Yes, when I was using my computer” He continues writing in his notepad what I told him
  156. >”And you chose to be a pegasus or he just did it?”
  157. ”No, he asked me what I wanted to be”
  158. >”And why you went for the wings?”
  159. >You shrug while you still lick your lollipop “I don’t know, I felt like it was the best option”
  160. >“Interesting…” He touches his chin and sighs. After a minute he takes a look at your saddle bag “Is that yours?”
  161. “Yes, you want to take a look?”
  162. >”It would be useful” You take the saddle bag to give it to Jade. He opens the bag and starts to view the content, especially the walkman and the brick game, he looks pretty interested. “Bio, come here!” he screams at a door behind the desk.
  163. >There’s no answer “Wait a minute please” he walks up to the door and to open it, you can hear a sound of a electric cutter and coming from an obscure room with only a light over a white stallion with a brown tale and a gray circle with a black thick outline divided with a horizontal and a vertical line inside. He’s concentrated cutting something in a table giving his back to the door.
  164. >”Hey Bio!” and the mysterious stallion turns back he takes off a welding helmet with magic. He looks exactly like Jade, except for the horn on his head. “Yes, Jade?”
  165. >”You might take a look at this” and the unicorn comes to the same room as you, he takes a glance at your stuff. Using his horn start to levitate your electronic devices and he starts to disassemble them.
  166. “Hey! What are you doing?”
  167. >”I’m analyzing this technology, it looks pretty advanced... don’t worry, I’m gonna leave everything in his place after a minute. Could you tell me what are these machines?”
  168. “Okay, the gray is a portable electronic game system. Pretty simple, but entertaining. And the red one is a walkman made by Sony in 1998, it has automatic reverse, bass boost and three-band graphic equalizer in addition to an AM and FM stereo digital tuner”
  169. >”FM?”
  170. >Multiple parts of your devices spin in two yellow led rings at every side of him while three notepads on the floor write themselves with a pencil each one. At the same time a small wind comes out from Bio, he has his eyes with a yellow light and he adopts a yoga posse.
  171. “Mmmm… who are you? I don’t remember in the show a unicorn so powerful… and regarding the FM, it is a radio band but I’m sure you horses don’t have radio yet…”
  172. >”I’m only a unicorn who studied magic and science with dedication. Ah, yes we have radio but I’ve never heard of ‘FM’, I know AM for Amplitude modulation, we have two experimental stations operated for the PBC, a public corporation created a year ago. You want to take a listen?” He stops the whole show he was doing a moment ago, stands up, rearms the walkman and the brick game and gives them back to you both.
  173. >You turn on the walkman in the radio position. You select the AM band and set the auto memorization on it, it founds two stations. You tune the first one and you hear a feminine voice talking about current affairs, the Crystallization and Flurry Heart to be exact. And the other station is playing some electronic pop song.
  174. “Weird, the first station is playing a recorded program”
  175. >”Recorded? That’s impossible, at this hour they broadcast live” Bio answers to you
  176. “Sure? Because they’re talking about the Crystallization and that was a year ago more or less…”
  177. >”That was yesterday” Lyra gives you a strange look
  178. >What?
  179. “That means… I’m in the start of the 6th season?”
  180. >”Season?” ask Lyra
  181. “I mean, I went back in time!”
  182. >”Oh, that sounds adequate to our plans…” says an almost familiar voice. You can’t recall who is it, but is on the tip of your tongue
  183. >You turn back your head and you can’t believe who it is
  184. >...
  185. >Fuck
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