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- A War Without End
- by Adhamm
- TRACKLIST:
- 1. Bright Lights, Empty Sky
- 2. Palace of Glass
- 3. The Voice of God
- 4. Love Yourself
- 5. Waiting for Cute and Loving Tomboys to Arrive at my Doorstep
- 6. More Weight
- 7. Yurina
- 8. The Longest Night / The Sun Rises on Another Day in a War Without End
- *1. Bright Lights, Empty Sky*
- The city is numb and so am I
- Should I prescribe some alcohol
- Choke on pills throughout the night?
- Or maybe I'll just stick to the old kitchen knife
- Thinking like that is dishonest
- I know I'm too tired to do anything
- There's an emptiness void of feeling
- And it can't be filled with drink or pills or blood
- Is Jesus still asleep in the tomb?
- Maybe he never did rise
- Maybe I'm the sacrifice
- Maybe there's no God or meaning at all
- Or maybe he just doesn't give a shit
- About these all these apes dying in his circus
- If they were around back then, I'm sure
- The Humane Society would've lobbied against the creation of Adam
- And the Great Flood was an act of mercy
- That he just didn't take far enough
- A blank sky glares down at me
- The city's lights illuminate a face that I hate
- Everything grows distant, it all starts to fade
- As I feel less and less human, it's clear to see
- I don't need a drink to lose myself completely
- *2. Palace of Glass*
- I built this palace out of glass
- So everyone could peek inside
- And make up their mind right there
- If they liked what they saw
- I polished these walls, made everything clean and neat
- When the months got cold and grey, I turned up the heat
- When the days got sticky and hot, I turned the glass to ice
- I wanted to take care of anyone who came in for a spell
- But when the years got lonely, there was nothing I could do
- I prettied up the outside
- Washed off the dirt, put up the decor
- I did all that I could to make my palace a home
- I wanted anyone to be attracted and come inside for awhile
- But when everyone passed on by, there was nothing I could do
- In this palace of glass,
- It's cold and dark all year-round
- Like a place locked in time
- A home for none but one tired soul
- Someone's cut out the power
- Not a spark of energy flows through this place
- It grows worse and worse as time goes on
- The walls encased by dust
- The place chills to the bone
- It gets right down in there and freezes your spine
- I tried to make it nice once, but now it's in ruins
- There are cracks in this palace of glass
- And even more broken is the boy trapped inside
- I can't stand this palace of glass
- I always look out but no one looks in
- Everything looks better out there
- All the people are together out there
- No one wants to enter my dying house
- A guest for the night is all I need, how should I proceed?
- I will die here
- Don't need to even keep a look out, buddy, no one's coming
- Not even maggots would come here to gnaw at my flesh
- Nor vultures to land and pick clean these bones
- I'll be an outcast, even as I draw my last
- My broken, busted body will be perfectly preserved here
- In this prison of glass
- *3. The Voice of God*
- Hey there kid, how you doing today?
- Just thought I'd drop by while I was in town
- See how much longer you're gonna feel down
- And yeah I know it might be my fault
- Yeah I know I dealt you a shitty hand
- And that I hand-picked every card but
- Don't you think you deserve it?
- Because when you put everyone down
- Now it all just comes around
- Yeah I know it might be my fault
- Yeah I know a cruel life made you this way
- And that I pulled every little string but
- Man there's people got it worse than you
- Look at all the folk I let drown in sudden floods
- At all the kids I let writhe in their own blood
- And about half of them are going to Hell
- At least you're still drawing breath, but
- I can see you'd probably prefer not to
- You know kid, I could make it all go away
- No more pain, one way or another
- I could end your life right here
- An act of mercy from one you should fear
- Or I'll do you one better, bless you with gifts people would want
- Bless you with looks and confidence,
- With a smile that stops hearts
- You'd finally be able to get out there,
- Finally find someone to love you
- Yeah, I could give you all that
- But kid,
- You're asking a little much
- It's nothing for me to help you
- Just give me one goddamn reason I should
- *4. Love Yourself*
- Are you feeling all alone?
- Does it seem the world just shuts you out?
- Do you hear God laughing as he pulls his wicked strings,
- And the puppets on stage all amble away from you?
- Does your soul cry for a mate,
- Does your heart long for some warmth,
- Do your frozen veins thaw at the slightest hint of attraction?
- Well if no one's there to love you
- You just need to be a man
- If no one's there to love you
- You just gotta do it yourself
- Yeah you don't need to hang from the shelf
- Just love yourself
- That's what they all say
- That's what they'll all tell you
- When you try to open up
- Your tears stain the screen as you text them
- Your hands quiver and your breath shakes
- You shiver in the cold of a quiet empty room
- After the sun sets on a painful afternoon
- You tell them everything hurts,
- And everything longs for someone
- All these cuts on your wrists need to be kissed before they can heal
- All these scars in your heart won't fade until you can feel
- And all this pain just won't end, because every waking moment is a reminder
- That no one has ever wanted you,
- That no one has ever needed you,
- That no one will ever miss you
- And they'll skim through your heart
- All poured out in the LEDs before them
- And they'll snuggle just a bit closer
- To the warmth of their naked lover
- The pictures of a couple together will watch them from the walls
- As they take a steady breath
- Their lover entangles their fingers and reminds them they're wanted
- And they'll say:
- Well if no one's there to love you
- You just need to be a man
- If no one's there to love you
- You just gotta do it yourself
- Yeah you don't need to hang from the shelf
- Just love yourself
- Just love yourself
- Just love yourself
- I've heard it a million times before
- And I've tried it a billion times before
- And I went and danced with myself
- I talked with myself, went to dinner with myself, bought gifts for myself
- I was kind to myself
- But I just couldn't look myself in the eye
- And love something that's never been loved before
- I've done all I could
- So maybe I shouldn't expect someone else
- To do what even I can't
- *5. Waiting for Cute and Loving Tomboys to Arrive at my Doorstep*
- What's happened to me?
- I've become what I hate
- What's happened to me?
- There's just nothing to take
- No drink to soothe me
- No drug to cure me
- No one to save me
- And all that went through my mind was-
- And so I fell to my knees
- I cursed at the sky
- And my tears flooded my room
- My cries drowned out the world
- And all that went through my mind was-
- Someone's bound to come around some day
- If I just wait here, if I just wait here
- Someone's bound to care about me some day
- And so I'll wait here, I'll wait here
- Yeah, she'll be better than I could ever imagine
- Handsome, sweet, and all that I want
- Someone to clean up this mess
- Someone to make me better
- Someone's bound to come around some day
- I just have to wait here, just have to wait here
- But all that went through my mind was-
- Another sun sets
- Another month crossed off
- The ball in Times Square drops
- And I'm still here just watching it all
- A spectator in a world I don't get to be a part of
- "Someone's bound to come around some day"
- Must've been ten years ago when I first said that
- But everyone's just passed on by
- I feel like twice my age, but look like half
- Yeah, not exactly the most attractive thing in town
- But I thought that
- I hoped that
- That someone might feel something for me
- That someone might give a damn
- That someone might look right into my eyes
- Tell me they care
- Tell me it's all gonna be okay now
- "The pain's gonna stop right now,
- Because I'm here for you,
- Don't worry about a thing
- I'm here for you."
- There's a party on across the street
- A couple getting it on just next door
- And as I look back on all the years that sprinted by
- Think back on all the tears I've cried
- Stare at the holes I've punched in these walls
- All that goes through my mind is:
- Nobody's coming.
- *6. More Weight*
- If I'm not dead, this cross ain't heavy enough
- Let's go big man, you and me
- Pile on the stones until I finally give
- It's nothing to me when I can't bear to live
- If I'm still breathing, you ain't fucked me enough
- More weight, more weight
- Let's see the worst that God can do
- Yeah I'll bear another cross or two
- Is that all you're gonna put me through?
- If my heart's still beating, you ain't tortured me enough
- You went too fast at the starting line
- Bestowed your curses all at one time
- So let's go big man, you and me
- Drive the nails a few inches deeper
- Chop my limbs, make me a quadruple amputee
- Pluck my eyes and take my sight
- I can't stand to look at the Hell you've made anyway
- More weight, more weight
- Let's see the worst that God can do
- Yeah I'll bear another cross or two
- Is that all you're gonna put me through?
- I can't feel it anymore
- I can't feel anything anymore
- Lord, I think that makes me stronger than you
- Kid, you're out of my hands
- You're growing less amusing day by day
- So I suppose I'll just leave you to your own devices
- Leave you to your own selfish vices
- It took me nineteen years to figure you out
- But now I know, oh now I see
- Not even I can torture you as well as you do it to yourself
- You do it to yourself
- Every night you've cried alone
- Every day you can't help but want to break everything in sight
- Every person you push away
- Everything you've set your hands on and ruined
- It was only you
- It was only ever you
- You do it to yourself
- So go ahead and pile it on
- More weight, more weight
- All the worst is what you're turning out to be
- You can bear another cross or three
- If that's what you think will set you free
- And just because you can't feel it
- Doesn't mean it's not there
- I see how hard you try to numb it
- Pretend all you want,
- Pretend you can't feel a thing
- But I know it's still eating you up inside
- If just being alone makes you wanna die
- Then kid, maybe you might as well
- You aren't stronger than anyone
- *7. Yurina*
- The coldest days are when I need you most
- I just settle down, close my eyes
- Let you take care of everything
- The only times I feel fine are when your hands wrap around mine
- I know it's not real, but it's all I that I have
- I know it's not real, but it's all I that I have
- Whenever I need you, you're always on time
- In a tailored suit, with that handsome smile
- You're the only thing that brings life to these tired bones
- The only reason this heart still tries to beat
- You're the only one who's ever on my mind
- And I hope wherever you are, you'll make it out just fine
- But who ever really does?
- I know it's not real, but it's all that I have
- I know it's not real, but it's all that I have
- You're coming around now like you always do
- My only reprieve is when I'm in your arms
- And you whisper so sweetly to me:
- "Adhamm, it'll be okay
- You don't have to try to be a man anymore
- Just let it all out, just let it all go
- I know that you've been fighting all day
- I know, I know, I know
- But I'm here for you now
- Hush now, my precious boy
- Quiet down your tired voice
- You can rest easy tonight
- I'll stay right by your side
- I'll make the pain stop."
- The coldest days are when I wake up and you aren't around
- All I want is to go back to dreaming of you
- I know you're not real, but you're all that I have
- *8. The Longest Night / The Sun Rises on Another Day in a War Without End*
- A pall of tar stretches out all around me
- In every direction, in every moment
- There is no light bright enough to piece it
- It brings in its shadow
- Like a nightmare that knows no waking
- A living hell with no salvation
- But I know I'm awake and that's the worst of it
- I know I'm alive and I don't know if I can take it
- These frozen tears lock my eyes open
- The thoughts race through my mind without end
- All the places I've been, all the people I've met
- All the connections I could never make
- And I was stupid enough to think this might end
- Just dumb enough to think something good might happen some day
- Get me a body pillow or a body bag
- I'm gonna need the comfort tonight
- When the walls of glass came crashing down
- I saw the reflection I hate in the shards
- That's when I knew it all came around
- I pray to a God I don't believe
- I beg for a life I cannot lead
- I plead for some small amount of joy, but I know...
- I don't deserve it
- It's just like every night, but there's no end in sight
- Even when nothing bad happened
- Even when I did everything right
- Oh, it's all the same
- I'll never see an end to this pain
- I hope there's a Hell I'm condemned to
- Because I'd sure like to see something worse than this
- It's the longest night I've ever known
- Gonna sharpen a knife till I can get right to the bone
- Maybe then I'd finally feel alive
- Someone please end this fucking horror show
- I can't keep pushing on when nothing ever moves
- I'd kill myself if I could, but I'd just fuck it up like everything else I do
- It's the longest night I've ever known, but somehow, some way...
- It'll only get worse when the sun comes up
- ...
- Another restless night passes
- As the sun sets fire to an oily sky
- The brands of yesterday still burn
- Everything aches, but here I go marching again
- Another day arrives, and I must take up this cross
- I wish I could find a nice spot to set it in
- Pick a nice hill to get crucified on
- But nothing good ever happens to me
- I'll carry this tree until I'm crushed beneath
- This broken soul screams for someone
- It just needs one person to come along
- With every alarm, a brave new day
- With every day, an all-new pain
- It's always the same, but somehow it's worse
- I can't keep up with it all
- I'm in the trenches and I can't see out
- I can't look forward and I can't look back
- There's nothing here but blood and mud
- There's no one here but me
- But I can't make it, I can't take it
- All I ever do is suffer alone
- Gunfire rattles overhead, but not a single shot will save me
- Someone's shouting commands in a language I don't understand
- Take me off of the frontlines
- I'm more used to taking a backseat anyway
- That's how it's always been
- That's how it's always be
- But why's it gotta happen to me?
- I've only ever wanted love, is that so bad?
- Just someone who gives a damn
- Make me feel like it's worth being alive
- Make all of this worthwhile
- Care about me and make me feel like I'm not a fucking inhuman beast,
- A waste of space, a defect of evolution
- Someone to make me finally feel human
- But no matter how hard I tried
- No matter how much I bled and begged
- All I ever got was...
- A pain that doesn't stop,
- A scar that can't fade,
- Wounds that won't mend,
- Another day in a war without end
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