Ron Swanson was on his way upstairs when he spotted a familiar face. Reaching out, he pulled a student in by the robe. "Harry, did you put your name in the goblet of fire?"

Harry gulped as his shadow loomed over him, smelling of aftershave and gunpowder. All traffic in the hallway stopped."No, sir."

"Well, good enough for me. Walk with me." Ron Swanson shrugged and continued his way upstairs, Harry in tow.

Cutaway camera: "I had a few hours last Saturday and rigged the Goblet's regular defenses with, uh, a few improvements of my own. Kid was innocent. No scorch marks."

"No, no, you stay put. Stay. Put. Good stair," Ron folded his arms as the moving staircase slid back towards his office. "Need to get some elevators in this place."

"Password?" The gargoyle asked, leering down on him. Ron leered back, holding his gaze for a good ten seconds.

"Very good, sir." The gargoyle bowed and slid back, revealing a velvety red staircase.

"Shoot me if I ever give a password to enter my own office. I'm either an imposter or a sheep. Either way you'd be doing me a favor." They headed into the office, where they were greeted by Fawkes, Ron's pet eagle in a rebar cage.

"Is that new carpeting, sir?" Harry asked.

"You like it? Installed it last week. Take a seat. Scotch?" Headmaster Swanson drew a decanter from under his desk and poured two glasses.

"I'm 14, sir." Harry mumbled.

"Both are for you then, you're a growing boy." Ron took a swig from the bottle. "So, you're in the triwizard tournament. I'll be damned if I let you compete unprepared. I understand they expect you to use magic."

He flipped a latch on a nearby cupboard and withdrew a shotgun. "This is a Remington 870 pump action shotgun, enchanted waterproof, fireproof, hexproof, and- just in case- dragonproof. I took it Crumple-Horned Snorkack hunting last week, but it's got shells for everything under the sun."

"Crumple-Horned Snorkacks? I thought those didn't exist." Harry turned the beautiful gun over in his hands, admiring the craftsmanship.

"Not anymore they don't. "