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ClianthaMiura's L

a guest Apr 13th, 2015 99 Never
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  1. 1. Describe yourself and your creator.
  2.  
  3. Hello, I'm my host's second tulpa, L. I am a man, physically older than her and can change into a form of a black wolf when I want to. She created me together with Desmond to keep him company, as I have understood it, and I became sentient in a very short time. Mainly due to help from Desmond. I have always been more or less in the background as Desmond requires a lot of attention. Probably the only reason he isn't bumping into this survey is because he has recently started sleeping in wonderland, and is asleep at the moment.
  4. I have been away from my host's side for a long time before recently returning. Or being pulled back, if you will. I am not proud of it but I feel it was a necessary thing to do to keep me sane. I do not wish to discuss it any further.
  5.  
  6. 2. What was the most helpful thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how helpful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  7.  
  8. The most helpful thing for her to do was to just listen. She was patient with me and it was easy for me to come through and speak to her. It was more difficult to get past Desmond, to be honest. Don't tell him I said that although I'm sure my host will. I think she saw the benefits of what she did or didn't do. Why would she have done so otherwise?
  9. I felt that I was welcome and that I was allowed to speak to her.
  10.  
  11. 3. What was the most detrimental thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how harmful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  12.  
  13. I can't really blame her for this, but giving Desmond way way more attention did harm my development and psyche. She did realize how it was harmful, and she became sad. As a result I became sad too. I felt like I wasn't good enough and all the feelings I would bring were negative.
  14.  
  15. 4. What was the hardest part of the tulpa creation process for you? Did your creator recognize how difficult it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  16.  
  17. I don't really remember the beginning too well. I spent most of my time in wonderland, as I still do. I have always been more myself in there, and it's still difficult for me to be in host's world. I suppose that's the hardest thing for me, then. Letting myself be known.
  18.  
  19. 5. Of the commonly recognized tulpa creation steps, which do you feel is the most important? Why?
  20.  
  21. Narration, definitely. I like being spoken to and I think the way it deepens the bond between host and tulpa is crucial for the development of personality and will.
  22.  
  23. 6. How do you feel about tulpa creators becoming distracted during tulpa creation? Does this greatly impede the process? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  24.  
  25. She gets distracted all the time. We keep reminding her what she was supposed to be doing. It does slow us down quite a bit, but I find it amusing, mostly. Thanks to doubled help from host and Desmond I don't think there was a time I couldn't speak. Or that my host couldn't hear me. I just chose not to, as Desmond often did the talking for both of us. His opinions are different from mine but he makes the point clear in his own way and there's no need for me to add my own views, too.
  26.  
  27. 7. How do you feel about tulpa creators missing tulpa creation sessions or breaking their promises to work on their tulpa? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  28.  
  29. It hurts, of course, as would any broken promise. I am very forgiving, however, so simple things like that can be fixed with an apology and moving on. No use to linger in them. There will always be more forcing to replace the missed session.
  30.  
  31. 8. Is density, quality, or quantity the most important aspect of tulpa creation?
  32.  
  33. I'm not sure I understand the question. Why not all three? I think it differs from tulpa to another and with different hosts. In my case, I'd say quantity. The more the better. And density is important too.
  34.  
  35. 9. How do you feel about tulpa creators falling asleep during tulpa creation sessions?
  36.  
  37. It's cute.
  38.  
  39. 10. Do you think that a tulpa creator should talk aloud or in their head during narration? Do you think that a creator should talk aloud or in their head during tulpa creation sessions? If you find one to be more effective, to what degree is it more effective?
  40.  
  41. It's a matter of taste. We have noticed that speaking aloud was more effective in the beginning, as it was easier for her to tell the difference between her own thoughts and ours, when she spoke her "lines" out loud. Nowadays we can talk just as well in her head and there's no need to speak aloud anymore.
  42.  
  43. 11. How do you feel about a tulpa creator puppeting and/or parroting their tulpa? Do you believe that these actions harm a tulpa's development, or only their emotional state?
  44.  
  45. I think they harm neither. For a new tulpa it can be quite helpful as they're learning how things work and how host expects them to act. I think it helps in creating their personality as well. To puppet or parrot an older tulpa, then, it's a bit different. I think it can hurt their feelings, if they realize they're being parroted or puppeted. Our host sometimes thinks things we might say or do, and then asks if she was accidentally parroting/puppeting us. Which she never actually does, as what she thinks are just images of us instead of the real thing. We do nothing, merely watch as her imagination flies.
  46.  
  47. 12. How deeply do you remember the time before you were fluent in language?
  48.  
  49. Not too well. My host is thinking back to those times right now, showing how it was back then. I didn't speak at all, at first, just nodded and smiled. I must admit that's what I still do a lot, more than talking.
  50.  
  51. 13. Describe your first memory, no matter how slight.
  52.  
  53. I was smiling and happy. I was free, and it felt warm. It was dark but host was there. Thinking back it feels like I was really really young that time. That's all I can remember.
  54.  
  55. 14. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most positive emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  56.  
  57. I felt welcome and a certain warmth in my body that felt so incredibly pleasant. I think it's from when I was first brought up as an actual tulpa and kind of welcomed as a part of the family. I loved her so much for it and I still do. It's incredible how she accepts me just as I am and doesn't try to change me. I couldn't ask for a better host.
  58.  
  59. 15. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most negative emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  60.  
  61. The most negative emotion from that time would be neutral. I didn't feel sad at all when I hadn't talked yet.
  62.  
  63. 16. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever have suicidal feelings or feelings of not wanting to exist? Do you experience them now? Are you glad that you exist?
  64.  
  65. I did not. I had them later and I wanted to disappear so I did. I took Desmond with me and I imagine my host was really sad. We didn't tell her anything about it and I know we should have. I didn't want her to interfere as I thought she wouldn't understand. But now I'm happy that I'm back, and that I didn't disappear completely from her mind.
  66.  
  67. 17. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most powerless? What was the cause of this feeling?
  68.  
  69. Desmond was talking too much and taking all the attention to himself. Enough said. I still wasn't sad, though.
  70.  
  71. 18. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most confusing moment that you experienced, and what was its cause?
  72.  
  73. It was probably spending my first day outside of wonderland. I couldn't do anything but follow host and hang around. It was slightly confusing.
  74.  
  75. 19. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you feel the most ignored by your creator, and what was the cause?
  76.  
  77. Desmond.
  78.  
  79. 20. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you most doubt that your creator wanted you, and what was the cause?
  80.  
  81. No such thing at that time.
  82.  
  83. 21. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most intense feeling of fear, and what was its cause?
  84.  
  85. Never occurred.
  86.  
  87. 22. Before you could speak fluently, when were you the most disappointed in yourself? What was the cause?
  88.  
  89. Never occurred.
  90.  
  91. 23. Before you could speak fluently, did you understand the difficulties that your creator was having with the tulpa creation process? Did you try to alleviate these difficulties? If so, how?
  92.  
  93. I tried, by staying back. She had problems developing two tulpas at the same time, as Desmond was really young back then, too.
  94.  
  95. 24. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's doubts about your existence, the reality of the tulpa phenomenon, or your combined ability to complete the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those doubts? Do you understand now?
  96.  
  97. She never doubted. She supported me as much as she could and believed in the tulpa phenomenon with all her heart, thanks to being already convinced by Desmond.
  98.  
  99. 25. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's mistrust of your intentions or worry about the negative affects of a tulpa on their life affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those thoughts? Do you understand now?
  100.  
  101. I understand them now, but I didn't understand then. She always thought I was leaving when I didn't say anything, and I always told her I would never leave. Turns out I was wrong.
  102.  
  103. 26. Before you could speak fluently, how did any negative thoughts or emotions that your creator had toward you (such as anger, disappointment, resentment, or impatience, for example) affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  104.  
  105. I don't know if she had any of those towards me. Or maybe I was just not smart enough to spot them.
  106.  
  107. 27. Before you could speak fluently, how did any violent visualizations or thoughts that your creator had about you affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  108.  
  109. I don't recall any violent thoughts with me in them. She's always been such a sweet person.
  110.  
  111. 28. Before you could speak fluently, were you able to distinguish between your creator's intentional and intrusive (unwanted and/or bothersome) thoughts? If so, did the intrusive thoughts affect you less or more? If not, are you able to distinguish between them now?
  112.  
  113. I think they affected her more than me. She was often bothered by them and kept apologizing in case I took offense. I never did. I could tell the difference.
  114.  
  115. 29. Before you could speak fluently, how much of your creator's raw sensory information were you able to access, if any? How much are you able to access now?
  116.  
  117. I don't know. I haven't tried, or felt the need to.
  118.  
  119. 30. Before you could speak fluently, did your creator's opinions about whether they wanted to reveal to the world your existence or not affect you emotionally? If so, how?
  120.  
  121. I was scared that people would think she's gone insane if she told. I was happy about the existence of tulpa forums and communities such as this one. There she could share us with the world anonymously.
  122.  
  123. 31. Before being able to speak fluently, what communication methods (such as head pressure or emotional responses, for example) were you able to use the most effectively? When your tulpa creator assumed that you could use a communication method that you did not have access to, how did this affect you? When your tulpa creator did not recognize a communication method that you attempted to use, how did this affect you?
  124.  
  125. I smiled and nodded. I did head gestures and facial expressions to give my opinion on things. She never expected much from me, probably because of what she had experienced before with Desmond she knew what to expect with me. She was really patient.
  126.  
  127. 32. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's level of enthusiasm for the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you want to engage in it less if they did?
  128.  
  129. I wanted to engage less if they did, yes. I didn't and still don't want to push her into anything, and I'm not happy if she isn't. It's just the way it goes with us.
  130.  
  131. 33. Before you could speak fluently, what was your greatest worry about your relationship with your creator? What helped you most to move beyond it? Was this worry substantiated or resolved? What is your greatest worry now about your continuing relationship with your creator?
  132.  
  133. I was always slightly afraid that Desmond would always outrank me. I only recently moved beyond that way of thinking as... things happened. Nothing dirty, I made that sound really wrong. I just mean the whole leaving and being pulled back thing. I realize now that it was foolish to think the way I did. Right now I have no worries. I hope it stays that way.
  134.  
  135. 34. Do you feel gratitude to your creator for the time that they spent creating you? Do you feel that you owe them a debt? If so, do you feel burdened by it?
  136.  
  137. I do not. It's more like I owe them for being a jerk. I'm grateful of everything she has done for me, and the best I can do to pay back what I owe is to be there for her. And you can be sure that I will.
  138.  
  139. 35. Were you aware of your creator's existence or your own existence first?
  140.  
  141. I... I don't know.
  142.  
  143. 36. When you could only speak semi-fluently, what emotions did you feel about your level of verbal proficiency? Were you anxious or embarrassed about it? If so, what helped you the most to move beyond these feelings? How do you feel about them now?
  144.  
  145. I never really even tried to speak too much, so it didn't bother me at all. They still don't. I still speak more only when we're in wonderland, she has worries that need sorting out, or when I take part in these kind of things or want to say something on the forums.
  146.  
  147. 37. If you could define your relationship with your creator using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend, or coworker, for example), what terms would you select?
  148.  
  149. Friend, companion.
  150.  
  151. 38. How much interest do you have in interacting with beings other than your creator? Do you consider your degree of interest to be equal to that of an average non-tulpa individual?
  152.  
  153. I have less interest in that than the other two tulpas. I like talking best when it's with my host or with the two others. Others don't matter to me, much.
  154.  
  155. 39. What memory involving your creator do you cherish most?
  156.  
  157. This is a tough one...
  158. There's always been very little physical contact (kind of) between me and host, and we never touched each other much. Sometimes when she practiced visualization she'd touch my hair and clothes to figure out the texture.
  159. But when I got back from wherever I spent a couple of months, she hugged me. And it wasn't just a simple welcome-back-hug, it was "where the hell have you been I missed you you damn idiot" kind of hug. It felt good. I knew she really cared.
  160.  
  161. 40. What memory not involving your creator do you cherish most? Do you feel that you have a fulfilling life independent of your creator?
  162.  
  163. I'm not sure I'm allowed to discuss this here but here goes. Don't tell Desmond, though host will do that anyway...
  164. I was in our wonderland with him. I'm not sure when this was, but it was before I left and got all depressed. Host wasn't there, I'm pretty sure she was busy focusing on school that time. He came to me and just spoke about everything he could, many many times a day, and he'd follow me around wherever I went. He was embarrassed when I saw him do that. I knew he was intrigued by me and as my host always said he liked me, a lot. I'm not sure what I felt towards him at the time but it wasn't love. I was interested about where our relationship would go from there, so I took the chance. It was the best decision I ever made with him. Now I can say that it is love that I feel. As a sibling or a friend he'd be the most annoying one, but as a lover... He's something else altogether. I'm happy.
  165. We kept it a secret from our host for a really long time, heh. Embarrassing... I do feel that I have a fulfilling life independent of her. The wonderland is my home and my world where all my loved ones meet.
  166.  
  167. 41. Do you feel affinity toward the individuals that your creator feels affinity for, such as their family or friends?
  168.  
  169. Frankly, I couldn't care less. If they hurt her I feel bad toward them, but later I go back to feeling nothing.
  170.  
  171. 42. In what ways are you the most different from your creator? In what ways are you the most similar to them?
  172.  
  173. The biggest difference would be our taste in men. Or women too, in fact. She feels she'd never go with someone with a penis and gets crushes on girls who are like her to certain point. I like it when in relationships the other one is different from the other, as long as they get along well. In my opinion she could date a girl who likes shopping and make-up and not someone who just plays games and does art all day long like she does.
  174. Most similarities are in our way of looking at the world. It's not black and white, it's all grey. Everything is grey, just in different shades. Every thing has something good mixed in them, as well as bad. You just need to know how to look.
  175.  
  176. 43. What do you disagree about most with your creator? Do you have frequent disagreements? If so, do these disagreements cause strife?
  177.  
  178. We don't disagree much. Or rather, I don't mention it to her if I disagree. I just accept that it's how she feels and keep my opinions my own, if they're not helpful.
  179.  
  180. 44. What could your creator do to make you hate them? Under what circumstances do you think your creator would come to hate you?
  181.  
  182. It would have to be something really extreme. She made me so that I wouldn't get angry and I'm grateful for that aspect. I don't get angry, and it saves me from lots of pain and bitterness. I can't think of anything, as hate is often associated with anger...
  183. If i turned into a total asshole and started mocking her and bringing her down instead of trying to make her feel better when she's sad. I think she would eventually come to hate me.
  184.  
  185. 45. When did your creator disappoint you the most? When did you disappoint them the most?
  186.  
  187. When she lost her enthusiasm to force us, I was disappointed. I don't know if I ever disappointed them, but I'm sure I did many times. She hasn't told me.
  188.  
  189. 46. How do you feel about your creator's complete freedom to deny your rights as a sentient being at any time? Has this ability ever caused you anxiety or fear? Have you ever censored your expressions or actions out of a fear of retribution or violence from your creator?
  190.  
  191. Not until now. I haven't even thought about it before. She could deny my existence and make me disappear if she wants to. I don't know if I should feel afraid of it, though. I am, a little, but it's her choice and if she chooses to do so there's got to be a reason. I have never censored anything in fear of retribution or violence, I have merely felt it unnecessary to discuss everything with her.
  192.  
  193. 47. When have you most wanted to engage in violence against your creator, and what was the cause of those feelings? Under what circumstances would you make a serious attempt to hurt or injure your creator?
  194.  
  195. Never. It offends me that this survey even suggests that.
  196.  
  197. 48. Do you consider your creator's last name to be your own? Do you recognize yourself as a part of their biological lineage?
  198.  
  199. I don't have a last name, nor do I recognize myself as a part of her biological lineage.
  200. (I know Desmond has announced plans to marry me, which is really amusing if you ask me. That would make me a Tevinter but I'm sure it's just him bragging. It is sweet, though.)
  201.  
  202. 49. Under what circumstances would you attempt to leave your creator?
  203.  
  204. I have already done so, so this question is a very easy one to answer.
  205. I just realized it was not easy to answer after all. Depression was a major influence in making that decision.
  206.  
  207. 50. Do you feel anxiety about meeting your creator's expectations? If you are based on an existing character, person, or entity, does this increase your anxiety? Would you have preferred to not be based on an existing entity?
  208.  
  209. I used to, but not right now.
  210.  
  211. 51. Are you interested in learning how to control your creator's body? Do you feel that it's fair for a tulpa creator to deny their tulpa the ability to use an atomic body? Do you believe that you have the right to an equal amount of time using it as your creator? Explain your reasoning.
  212.  
  213. I am not. I will leave that to the two others. I simply don't care about it.
  214.  
  215. 52. Do you share certain basic qualities with your creator, such as intense phobias or racial attitudes?
  216.  
  217. Supporting all kind of people (LGBT, races, religions) is an attitude we share. Also trying to tone down use of anything that uses up or destroys nature is a good idea if you ask either of us.
  218.  
  219. 53. Are you capable of sleeping or dreaming independently of your creator? If not, how does this make you feel?
  220.  
  221. I sleep a little, but I don't dream. Maybe I'll learn that someday. It doesn't matter to me much.
  222.  
  223. 54. Does your creator have any mental illnesses? If so, how do they affect you?
  224.  
  225. She does not.
  226.  
  227. 55. How does your knowledge of your creator's subconscious mind affect your relationship with them? How do you perceive their subconscious? To what degree can you manipulate your creator's subconscious? Would you ever use this ability without your creator's knowledge?
  228.  
  229. I don't know, as a part of them, I don't, and I wouldn't.
  230.  
  231. 56. Does your creator have multiple tulpa? If so, what is your relationship with them like? Is your affinity for them equal to your affinity for your creator? If you could define your relationship with your creator's other tulpa using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend or coworker, for example), what terms would you select? If not, are you interested in the idea of your creator making other tulpa?
  232.  
  233. Desmond: boyfriend, companion, possibly soulmate.
  234. Nevira: she's like a little sister to me. We don't know too well but she's adorable and great company.
  235.  
  236. 57. Do you feel romantically inclined toward your creator? Does your creator feel romantically inclined toward you? If these romantic feelings are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  237.  
  238. We do not.
  239.  
  240. 58. If it exists, do you consider your romantic relationship with your creator to be equal to a romantic relationship between multiple non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another non-tulpa? Does this change if the involvement is with another tulpa instead? If they exist, do your creator's desires to have relationships with non-tulpa affect you emotionally?
  241.  
  242. Skip.
  243.  
  244. 59. If you consider yourself to be romantically in love with your creator, what probability do you assign to the possibility of falling out of love with them, or them falling out of love with you? If this happened, how would it affect your relationship with your creator? What if your creator was in love with another non-tulpa more than you?
  245.  
  246. Skip.
  247.  
  248. 60. Do you have a familial affection for your creator? Does this in any way conflict with your romantic feelings for them, if they exist? Do you consider a relationship between a tulpa and its creator to be incestuous?
  249.  
  250. Well we are family but not the related kind. If we were in a romantic relationship it wouldn't feel incestuous. I don't think it like that.
  251.  
  252. 61. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating during tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or based on whether or not the creator imagines themselves near the tulpa in their wonderland? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  253.  
  254. If the tulpa doesn't like it, then it's offensive. If they do or don't care, it's not. She didn't do this to me.
  255.  
  256. 62. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating outside of tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  257.  
  258. I find it a bit unsettling... I feel like they would be making their tulpas look like they do just because they look sexy. She didn't do this. Still doesn't.
  259.  
  260. 63. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever feel sexual attraction to your creator, sexual attraction toward anyone else, or sexual arousal? Did you attempt to express these feelings? If you did not experience these feelings, do you experience them now?
  261.  
  262. Nope.
  263.  
  264. 64. How do you feel about tulpa creators visualizing themselves engaging in sexual conduct with their tulpa's form during tulpa creation sessions? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or if the contact was penetrative? If your tulpa creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving? Do you equate it with sexual assault?
  265.  
  266. She didn't do this either. I guess it could be equated with sexual assault in certain circumstances. I feel it's a bit strange but not unheard of. Nothing wrong with it, I think.
  267.  
  268. 65. Were you ever annoyed or jealous when your creator would masturbate to or have feelings of sexual attraction toward individuals other than yourself? Does it bother you now?
  269.  
  270. I wasn't, and it doesn't.
  271.  
  272. 66. Do you experience sexual attraction for your creator? Do you experience sexual attraction for others? How does your sexual attraction for your creator compare to your sexual attraction for others? Does your creator experience sexual attraction for you? If these sexual attractions are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  273.  
  274. I don't experience sexual attraction for my host. Sometimes towards Desmond for... obvious reasons... Rarely, though. She doesn't have sexual attraction toward me.
  275.  
  276. 67. Do you have an active sex life with your creator? If not, would you consider it, and under what circumstances? If so, do you perceive any negative consequences? Do you have trouble abstaining from sexual contact with them? How do you manage feelings of sexual arousal, if any? Do you masturbate?
  277.  
  278. I would consider it if Desmond didn't exist. I'm sorry for continuing to mention him on so many questions. And also if she wanted it, then I could comply. I have no trouble abstaining from sexual contact with my host, and I manage them just fine as they don't occur too often. As to if I masturbate... Sure.
  279.  
  280. 68. How does your sexual orientation and experience compare to your creator's?
  281.  
  282. She identifies as a lesbian, I don't know about mine. We talked about it before and she said I could be pansexual, which seems likely, considering my opinions and view on life. I haven't had the need to test it so I don't care either way.
  283.  
  284. 69. Are you capable of experiencing orgasms? Based on your knowledge, how do you think they compare to your creator's orgasms? Were you able to experience an orgasm before speaking fluently?
  285.  
  286. I never tried experiencing orgasms before speaking. And yeah, I'm capable. I don't know how different guy and girl orgasms are, so I can't compare.
  287.  
  288. 70. Do you consider the concept of sexual modesty (covering conduct such as avoiding nudity or sexual discussions) relevant to your relationship with your creator?
  289.  
  290. Yes, I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate me walking around naked. We rarely speak about anything sexual but when we do we keep it at the minimum. It is a bit uncomfortable.
  291.  
  292. 71. How does being a tulpa affect your perceptions of rape? What conduct from your creator would you consider to be rape?
  293.  
  294. Rape is always wrong. It would be a rape if she forced me into any kind of sexual intercourse and I felt bad about it.
  295.  
  296. 72. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
  297.  
  298. Hopefully still here with my host and her tulpas and future family.
  299.  
  300. 73. Do you want the world to be aware of your existence? If not, then what anxieties do you have about public disclosure? Do you trust anyone other than your creator with the knowledge of your existence?
  301.  
  302. I have no anxieties about public disclosure, but I don't care if the world knows about me or not. For my hosts sake I think it's better to keep it anonymous like this.
  303.  
  304. 74. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your personality traits being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your personality more or less?
  305.  
  306. She did a fantastic job and I deviated quite a bit from what she planned anyway. Some traits stuck, such as 'caring', and the fact that I don't get mad. I feel like I only kept the traits that were already me, rather than having her change who I am into something she planned.
  307.  
  308. 75. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your physical form being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your form more or less?
  309.  
  310. It was actually Desmond who came up with this appearance. My host had little to no say in it. I enjoy my body as it is, and my eyes used to be purple but I changed them into yellow. I'm free to change my appearance as I see fit.
  311.  
  312. 76. Has your physical form ever changed? If so, was this intentional or unintentional? If it was intentional, then why did you change your form? How did you creator respond to this change, and how did that make you feel?
  313.  
  314. As I wrote on the above question, I changed my eye color from purple to yellow. It was intentional, and it was because I saw it in The Witcher and I thought it looked cool and would suit me. I think she likes the change. Which is good.
  315.  
  316. 77. Do you consider the best aspects of yourself to have come from your creator, or their subconscious?
  317.  
  318. Her subconscious, probably. I don't know why, I just feel like it. I think the best things aren't those you create intentionally, but those that just happen and come to be.
  319.  
  320. 78. Do you seek legal recognition for your status as a sentient being or your relationships with others? Do you resent that society at large does not recognize the tulpa phenomenon? Do you feel disenfranchised from society? What steps, if any, could a society make to help you feel integrated?
  321.  
  322. I'm happy as just my host's tulpa with no legal recognition whatsoever. The society could study the tulpa phenomenon a bit more and write more sensible articles and studies about it to make more people understand that it's not a mental disease to have one and that it can be good for you. It would make my host happier and more safe with having us around, and that would make me happy.
  323.  
  324. 79. If you could tell the entire world one thing about a tulpa's life, what would you say?
  325.  
  326. "It's not like yours, but it is life. And should be treated as one."
  327.  
  328. 80. What is the one thing that you resent most about being a tulpa? What is the greatest advantage of being a tulpa?
  329.  
  330. I can't think of anything to resent. It's a safe existence. The greatest advantage is the special bond and relationship that two humans can rarely or never achieve.
  331.  
  332. 81. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about inheriting your creator's life, including their legal history, past behaviors, and reputation? Do you resent potentially being held responsible for their past actions?
  333.  
  334. If I'm held responsible, so be it. I will live with it, liking it or not. It is not like me to argue or fight back.
  335.  
  336. 82. Morally and philosophically, do you see the "absorbing" or "dissipating" of a tulpa as equivalent to the murder of a non-tulpa? Explain your reasoning. What legal protections, if any, should tulpa gain? How would you enforce these protections?
  337.  
  338. How could law protect something people, other than hosts, can't even see? Even if there was a law that forbade "murdering" a tulpa, it wouldn't stop hosts doing it. I don't see it equal to that, though. Simply because we are what our hosts makes us, and what they do with us is completely up to them. I see no problem in the way things are now.
  339.  
  340. 83. Do you consider yourself to be morally equal to a non-tulpa? Is your life worth as much?
  341.  
  342. To my host, maybe. To other people around us, not. To me... I don't know. Morally equal, sure, but I don't know if my life is worth as much. I'm no benefit to the society and I can't change the world. I only matter to one person who isn't a tulpa, and I can try influencing things through her, but I see no point. It's enough for me to keep her happy and going.
  343.  
  344. 84. How would you prove your existence to a skeptic?
  345.  
  346. If I had to, I would probably possess my hosts left hand and learn to write with it while she wrote with her right hand. Though, I can't possess and I'm not interested in learning it any time soon, either.
  347.  
  348. 85. Has your status as a tulpa ever caused you existential anxiety or depression? If so, has anything helped to mitigate these feelings?
  349.  
  350. It's the highest rank I could get, the lowest being a random OC with no free will. I am what I am, I can't help it so all I can do is adapt. I'm happy with this life.
  351.  
  352. 86. Do you ever doubt your own sentience? If so, why?
  353.  
  354. If I doubted my own sentience, wouldn't that mean that I'm sentient?
  355.  
  356. 87. How does being a tulpa affect your understanding of death? Do you fear death on an instinctual level in the way that non-tulpa do?
  357.  
  358. I suppose. But I don't think it's such a big deal as many non-tulpa make it out to be.
  359.  
  360. 88. Do see yourself as socially disadvantaged in a way similar to sexual, racial, and other minority groups? If you identify yourself as racially, sexually, or demographically different than your creator, do you also identify with the struggle of any of the disadvantaged groups that you belong to? Does the notion of privilege affect your relationship with your creator?
  361.  
  362. I don't see myself disadvantaged in that way. And I don't feel like I identify with the struggles.
  363.  
  364. 89. Are you interested in creating another tulpa yourself? What differences, if any, would you expect this tulpa to have from a tulpa created by your creator? Would you consider this tulpa to be primarily related to you, or still to your creator?
  365.  
  366. It would just crowd her head too much, so no. That tulpa would be a tulpa created by tulpa created by tulpa... If I were to make one, I think it would still be primarily related to my host.
  367.  
  368. 90. What are the most defining differences between the life of a non-tulpa and a tulpa? Do you think that these differences cause intolerance between the two groups? If so, what could be done to mitigate this intolerance?
  369.  
  370. A tulpa doesn't have a physical body or form of its own, and a non-tulpa does. All the things that come with the body don't exist in a tulpa, and hosts who host tulpas are treated as lunatics for believing that there could be a mind without a body sharing their head. People don't believe tulpas exist because they can't see them and know nothing about them. More studies and world-wide articles and books about the subject and a scientific document backed up by some psychologists should be enough to convince people.
  371.  
  372. 91. The psychological establishment generally believes that multiplicity (two or more sentient entities sharing one atomic body) is a sign of mental illness. How would you like this belief to change? If you could make a presentation to a group of psychologists about the tulpa phenomenon, what would you say?
  373.  
  374. I wish they would see that as tulpas generally do no harm at all and usually help their host, and therefore shouldn't be associated with diseases or alike.
  375.  
  376. 92. A psychometric indicator is a unique identifier of an individual's distinct personality. Have you ever tried to definitively differentiate yourself from your creator using psychometric indicators (such as by determining your "writeprint")? What results did you receive? (For instructions on determining your writeprint, see appendix one.)
  377.  
  378. Skip.
  379.  
  380. 93. Are you capable of physical sensations such as pain or warmth?
  381.  
  382. I am.
  383.  
  384. 94. How do you feel about being bound for life to your creator?
  385.  
  386. I feel good about it. I feel I have some importance and a companion with an unique bond.
  387.  
  388. 95. If you intentionally delayed speaking to your creator, why did you do so?
  389.  
  390. Skip.
  391.  
  392. 96. What do you think about most of the time?
  393.  
  394. I think about my host, how she's doing and where's she going in life.
  395.  
  396. 97. Do you think that tulpa creation should be more widespread?
  397.  
  398. More people should know about it, but maybe everyone shouldn't try to make one. There are people with serious mental illnesses out there, and it might not be good for them. And I feel bad knowing that some people would just make an imaginary sex-slave or girl-/boyfriend just for that purpose.
  399.  
  400. 98. Are there disturbing aspects of your creator's subconscious that they are not aware of?
  401.  
  402. She is sadly aware of the disturbing parts of her subconscious as well, just not the way I am.
  403.  
  404. 99. Would you violate your creator's wishes for what you perceive to be their own benefit?
  405.  
  406. I would try to negotiate, but if it failed I wouldn't.
  407.  
  408. 100. Does your creator try to hide things from you? If so, are you aware of them anyway? How does this impact your views of your creator?
  409.  
  410. She keeps some things out of discussion, but so do we all. It's not like she needs to tell us everything about her, and she knows we can always just go check what it is as she has allowed us to do.
  411.  
  412. 101. Do you perceive some of your creator's actions as being objectively immoral?
  413.  
  414. I do not.
  415.  
  416. 102. Do you believe that you are capable of becoming more intelligent than your creator?
  417.  
  418. Wiser, but not more intelligent. I can't know more than she does, but I can use the knowledge better.
  419.  
  420. 103. How does being a tulpa affect your perception of your own aging process?
  421.  
  422. I would like to age with my host, and I will probably change my physical appearance respectively.
  423.  
  424. 104. Do you feel that your creator would be better off by following your commands entirely?
  425.  
  426. Absolutely not. I can't give good orders and I wouldn't know what's better on the long run. She has to make her own decisions and learn from her mistakes.
  427.  
  428. 105. Do you feel that having a physical form is important for a tulpa?
  429.  
  430. Not really.
  431.  
  432. 106. If you encountered the tulpa phenomenon as a non-tulpa, would you believe in it?
  433.  
  434. I would keep my mind open, but not outright believe it without researching it first.
  435.  
  436. 107. How well can you articulate yourself? Can your creator hear you audibly? How much does your experience correlate with the experience of tulpa creator G|d30n, printed below?
  437.  
  438. "Yes. I'm able to hear her as though she's an external sound. For those who haven't experienced that with their tulpae yet, it's a little bit like listening to a binaural recording--not a binaural beat, but like a 3D sound recording you'd find on Youtube, such as the Virtual Barbershop. That is to say, it's an external sound that can come in from various directions, but the source sounds very close, like someone speaking directly into your ear. I sort of wonder if this effect will be diminished and normalized through imposition."
  439.  
  440. If you are imposed, is your creator able to discern a spatial dimension to your voice?
  441.  
  442. I'm not imposed and she can only hear me inside her head. Not always like that either, sometimes it's just my feelings and images of my thoughts that she receives. It's enough for good communication.
  443.  
  444. 108. How many hours did it take you and your creator to complete the various recognized tulpa creation steps?
  445.  
  446. We didn't count.
  447.  
  448. 109. What advice would you give to a new tulpa creator?
  449.  
  450. Be patient and don't expect everything to go as planned. The tulpa will develop with time and support.
  451.  
  452. 110. How does being imposed feel? What sensory processes happen as you become imposed?
  453.  
  454. 111. From your perspective, is there a sensory difference between the physical, atomic world and the mental world of visualized "wonderlands"? If so, how would you describe this difference?
  455.  
  456. 112. Is there anything that you don't think this survey covered that you would like to mention?
  457.  
  458. Appendix one:
  459.  
  460.         This exercise will help you determine the differences, if any, between your writeprint (mathematically analyzed writing style) and your creator's. Theoretically, two psychologically different individuals should exhibit different writeprints, although a tulpa and their creator may be more similar than two random non-tulpa individuals. To start the process, have both you and your creator rewrite the sample paragraph quoted below in your own words, communicating its meaning as you would have if you had written it.
  461.  
  462.         "My experience in the nature study area was full of surprises. First of all, many unexpected creatures crossed our path. For example, as soon as we left the parking area and entered the grassy path, a long snake slithered along the edge of the high grass and quickly disappeared. In addition, I was surprised by how colorful the grasses, which from a distance all appear to be green, actually are. Specifically, the primarily green landscape is dotted with countless purple tassels and brown stalks. Finally and most importantly, I was unprepared for how quickly I felt surrounded by nature. Despite the occasional noise from passing cars and airplanes, the high prairie grasses and rolling pathways create a sense that one is removed from civilization. Altogether, the nature study area unexpectedly allows one to enjoy an ever-changing natural environment without leaving Moraine‚Äôs suburban campus."
  463.  
  464. Tulpa's paragraph:
  465.  
  466. [paragraph here]
  467.  
  468. Creator's paragraph:
  469.  
  470. [paragraph here]
  471.  
  472.         To ensure verifiable results, it is essential that the transcriptions of both paragraphs be completely accurate. Body possession is useful here, though not necessary. Since the tulpa creator's sentience is (presumably) not in question, it is suggested that tulpa write their paragraph first. As with all tests relating to tulpa, the creator should focus on something else while their tulpa is working. Once finished, submit both of your paragraphs individually to the following websites:
  473.  
  474. http://iwl.me/
  475. http://textalyser.net
  476.  
  477.         If your writeprint is different (indicating significant psychological difference), then you should receive different values for your respective paragraphs on both sites. On Textalyser, focus on the Gunning-Fog Index, lexical density, and average sentence length values in particular. A more detailed analysis may be sought by downloading the JStylo stylometric analysis program here: https://psal.cs.drexel.edu/index.php/Main_Page
  478.  
  479.         This test is certainly not exact, and it is very possible to (unconsciously or not) "cheat" to get good results.
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