Anon's Alchemical Adventures (Part 1/?) [Ongoing]

>Be you
>Slightly below average height
>Slightly above average weight
>You've been working on that second one for a few weeks now.
>Also been looking for somewhere that isn't your parents basement
>Been heading onto /fit/ and /out/ recently.
>A little bit of /lit/, /o/, and /k/
>Also /mlp/
>You weren't sure quite what it was about that show, but you'd been all inspired to do better with your life recently.
>You had actually moved out yesterday.
>But today, you were hiking through the Rockies.
>The view was great, though those clouds did have you a little worried.
>The air tasted so clean here, especially compared to what it was like by your parents' house.
>Totally worth coming all this way.
>Anyways, you were already too far up the mountain to get down before that storm hit.
>Your best bet was to find a cave and wait it out.
>And hope that there are no bears.
>Bears living in caves is just a meme, right?
>You find a cave around a bend in the thin trail.
>It looks like it goes pretty far back in.
>Cool.
>You drop your pack on the rocky floor about fifteen feet in.
>Set up camp stove and a pot of water.
>Dig out a pack of ramen noodles.
>This afternoon, you dine like a king.
>And there's the rain.
>Jesus, it's coming down in sheets.
>And some rain is getting into the cave.
>Shit.
>Further back, the cave bends.
>You carefully move all of your stuff out of the path of the rain and resume cooking.
>Then the lightning starts.
>Slow and distant at first, but steadily moving closer and growing louder.
>Goddamn, this is definitely better than trying to get off of the mountain.
>Wow, the lightning is right on top of you.
>It's just a constant booming light emanating from the cave's entrance.
>The light and noise stuns you, knocking you off your feet.
>Everything goes dark.

——————————

>Wake up.
>Dammit, why does your head hurt?
>The rain has stopped, at least.
>Damn it's quiet out there.
>Something feels off.
>Wasn't the cave's exit on your left side, not the right?
>Oh well, whatever.
>You turn the corner to exit the cave.
>And come face to face with a small yellow horse with a red mane and a large pink bow
>It's like two feet tall.
>The sudden outlandish sight throws you into fight-or-flight mode
>ohgodshortpastelhorsething
>panic.jpg
>what the fuck
>You chose flight.
>It screams
>You scream
>You turn and run.
>Into a solid rock wall.
>oh shit
>where the fuck did the entrance go?
>what is this bullshit?
>You spend several frantic minutes pressing your hands against the solid rock wall that you are certain wasn't there before.
>"H-Hello?"
>"Are you sure you saw something in here, darling?"
>"Ah'm sure ah did, honest!"
>Oh thank fuck, people.
>Maybe they know what's going on.
>"Ah'm not sure ah believe ya, Apple Bloom."
>That's when they round the corner.
>There's six of them.
>Tiny horses. No taller than three and a half feet.
>The two white ones have horns.
>Fucking unicorns.
>Two have wings.
>The last two have neither.
>The smaller ones, an orange winged-micro-horse, a white mini-unicorn, and the yellow one huddle behind the larger three.
>The taller orange one is wearing a goddamned Stetson.
>whatislife.png
>Time slows to a stop.
>Finally, the taller white one gasps, pointing a hoof at you, "What in Celestia's good name is that?"
>The blue one is spoiling for a fight, if the scowl and flared wings are anything to go by.
>The taller orange one sees this and pulls her back by her rainbow-colored tail.
>You reach off to your side, fingers wrapping around your trusty hiking stick, pointing the sharp point at it like a spear, your back flattened against the wall.
>Slowly, you circle around the group of tiny horses, bursting out into the bright sunlight.
>Well, you weren't in any mountains for fucking sure.
>Behind you was a three-story tall cliff face.
>In front of you, a verdant forest.
>And were those rainbow fucking waterfalls off to your right?
"What in the fuck is the place," you breathe, in awe of your surroundings.
>"I think it went this way! C'mon!"
>"Ah'm right behind you, Rainbow Dash!"
>"Darlings, wait for me!"
>Panicking, you sprint towards the tree line.
>Ten minutes of terrified running later, you slow to a stop.
>You've lost whatever those things were.
>You are also lost.
>And you forgot your pack in the cave.
>ohshit.tiff
>You've got no gear, no food, no water, and no clue where you are.
>Today could’ve gone better.
>On the plus side, you still have your hiking stick.
>That's something.
>You decide that you should get moving before it gets too dark.
>The sky is nice and clear too.
>It doesn't look like it'll rain, at least.
>Might as well enjoy the rest of the day.
>You look around.
"Fuck it."
>Gripping your metal hiking stick, you set off through the woods.

———————————

>What the hell are these trees?
>They're like the bastard children of oak, willow, aspen, and maple trees.
>Branches that hang down and are just the right springiness to hurt when they hit you, much like a willow
>Roots splayed out absolutely everywhere, much like an aspen tree.
>Wide, tall canopies with dense branches to block out as much light as possible, similar to an oak tree.
>Annoying, scratchy leaves covered in points.
>Literally devil trees.
>You don't want to think about what those vines climbing their trunks are.
>Probably turbo-AIDS Hell poison ivy from fuckyouistan.
>You spit another leaf out, the disgusting taste causing you to grimace.
>It's late afternoon now, and all this wandering through the woods is starting to piss you off.
>Nevertheless, your only real option is to keep moving.
>Still, knowing where you were would be nice.
>One thing was for sure, though.
>You weren't in the Rockies anymore.
>If you could find a river, that would be awesome.
>Straight shot to civilization.
>Not paying attention to where you were going, your foot slips, sending you sliding down a cliff.
>You twist, narrowly avoiding losing your head to a stray root.
>As you tumble down, you can feel small, sharp gravel digging into your back and arms.
>Miraculously, you avoid cracking your skull open on the way down.

——————————

>You groan, rising from where you lay on the rough forest floor.
>Fuck, everything was going to hurt in the morning.
>You dust yourself off, looking about for your hiking stick.
>There it is!
>Fuck, it hurts to walk.
>Dammit, is your left ankle sprained?
>After kicking off your shoe, you roll your sock off, wincing as your fingers brush your ankle.
>Shit, that's one hell of a bruise.
>Well, at least it isn't broken.
>And you aren't bleeding.
>Could be a hell of a lot worse.
>You manage to squirm over to your dropped hiking stick, dragging yourself to your feet as you use it like a crutch.
>You can't stay here.
>It's almost dusk.
>You are lost in an unknown, wooded wilderness.
>With a rolled ankle, no less.
>If you don't move, you might as well put a big, flashing, neon sign that says 'All You Can Eat Buffet' around your neck.
>And so, you hobble onwards, wincing with each step.

——————————

>By night, you reach a clearing.
>A bright gibbous moon hangs in the sky.
>You stop to massage your aching ankle.
>This fucking forest, man.
>It's bullshit.
>Fucking place wants you dead.
>You become aware of green lights in the underbrush on the edge of the clearing.
>Oh for fuck's sake, this can't be good.
>You're in no condition to run.
>Even if you were, you're surrounded.
>A canine pads into the clearing.
>It's big, four feet tall at the shoulder.
>Its entire body appears to be constructed of twisted branches.
>Its eyes glow green.
>All around you, you can hear more wolves step into the clearing.
>There's ten, no, twelve of them.
>You level your gaze at the one right in front of you.
>Fight-or-flight kicks in again.
>This stupid fucking forest thinks it's going to kill you with magical fucking wood-dogs?
>That makes you MAD.
>In fact, that makes you right fucking pissed.
>A red haze settles across your vision.
>The wolf-things paw at the ground, tails raised, ears pricked.
>Adrenaline pumps through your veins.
>They're listening?
>Good.
>All the better for them to hear what is coming.
>You take a deep, angry breath in, filling your lungs with oxygen.
>In a single, violent moment, you unleash it, channeling the spirits of your warrior ancestors.
>Greek hoplites, standing at Thermopylae.
>Roman legionnaires, razing Carthage.
>Gothic Barbarians, routing the once-mighty Roman Empire.
>Mongol raiders, killing, burning, and pillaging throughout Asia.
>Norse berserkers, leaping out of longboats to the sound of slaughter in Britain.
>Crusaders, storming the Holy City of Jerusalem.
>Each of them speaking through you.
>You roar, as loudly as you can.
>The wolves step back nervously.
>Where the fuck do you think you're going, you overgrown kindling?
>You aren't done yet. Not by a long shot.
>You turn to face the biggest wolf.
>Pain in your leg forgotten, you charge it.

——————————

>You allow yourself a little edge.
"We meet on the field of glorious battle, you dog-faced piece of shit!"
>Okay, that was too much edge.
>It jumps at you.
>Grabbing it by its throat, you slam the metal stick into the side of its head with all your might, over and over again.
>You hear a crack, and the wolf's angry attacking turns into panicked flailing.
>You do not care.
>Bloodforthebloodgod.gif
>Finally, the wolf stops fighting and lets out a submissive, whimpering yip.
>You drop it.
>The red subsides.
>Half the wolf's face is caved in.
>It limps away.
>And you are alone.
>The adrenaline leaves your system.
>All is quiet.
>You hear a gasp behind you.
>It's the blue wing-horse.
>Wait.
>Blue winged horse with a rainbow tail?
>Damn that's familiar.
>It clicks.
>Fucking goddamn.
>You've been thrown into fucking Equestria.
>Some-fucking-how
>What the actual fuck.

>You are Rainbow Dash.
>You left camp to find out the source of some strange roars.
>You figured it was a bear or something.
>It wasn't a bear.
>It was a something.
>A bipedal, pink, and mostly hairless something.
>Which was screaming while beating the ever-loving horseapples out of a honest-to-Celestia Timberwolf.
>With a stick.
>You'd be lying if you said you weren't a freaking out a little.
>So it was a good thing you weren't the Element of Honesty.
>Still, despite not being afraid at all, no siree, you decided that it would be prudent to take Billy Big Steps in the opposite direction.
>To report back to your friends about what you had just witnessed.
>Yeah, of course!
>You had to warn your friends!
>Not just about the new thing, but also about the fact that there was at least one active Timberwolf pack in this area of the Whitetail Woods.
>Both of those were very important.
>As quickly as you could, you set off back towards the camp, zipping through the air.

———————————

>You are still Rainbow Dash
>You land in camp, just inside the circle of light cast by Applejack's fire.
"Applejack, Rarity, I need to talk to you."
>Your two older friends turn to face you.
>Scootaloo is chatting with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom on the other side of the fire.
>"Well, nothing's stopping you, Darling," Rarity chimes, "What is it?"
>"Yeah, just tell us what the matter is, sugarcube."
"I need to talk to you two, alone."
>That got Sweetie Belle's attention.
>Horseapples.
>"Hey, why can't you just tell all of us?"
>”Yeah, it's not like we're little fillies anymore," Apple Bloom adds.
>Scootaloo nods in agreement.
>Darn it, Scoots.
"Alright," you relent, "I think we should head home. Like, now."
>Scootaloo stares at you.
>"But why?"
"Well, I've got bad news, good news, and worse news. In that order."
>You step forward.
>"Darling, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost!"
"First, bad news. There's a Timberwolf pack around."
>That came out a lot steadier than you thought it would.
>Gasps from around the campfire.
>Applejack inhales sharply.
"Good news, they won't be a problem tonight."
>You hope.
>Applejack breathes a sigh of relief.
"Worse news, the reason that they won't be a problem is that they were just attacked."
>"By what, darling?"
>Sweetie Belle echos her sister's question.
>"Yeah, what would attack a Timberwolf?"
"That's just it," you say, "I don't know. I watched it happen, but I don't know."
>"Can ya tell us what it looked like?"
"Well yeah. It was big, and walked on two legs but I couldn't tell you much more from where I was."
>"It sounds sort of like a Minotaur, darling."
"But why would a Minotaur be beating a Timberwolf's face in with a stick?"
>That came out a little louder than intended.
>Oops.
>Everypony is silent for a little bit.
>And then they start giggling.
"Hey, what gives?"
>"Darling, I don't mean to sound rude, but… doesn't that seem a little far-fetched?"
"But- But it's true!"
>Applejack chuckles.
>"Ah'll be the first to admit that ya had me goin' there. But Ah see what you're doin'. Good try though."
"What do you mean 'good try?'"
>"You're doin' the same thing ya do just about every year. Scary stories, pranks, all that."
>"Yeah, we've been going on this campout for seven years now. The only year that you didn't try to scare us was the year with the fly-ders."
"Aw c'mon, would I lie to you all just to amuse myself?"
>"Yes," Rarity, Applejack, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom reply.
>Scootaloo looks like she wants to shrink in on herself.
"Okay, fair enough. But, I'm being serious this time!"
>"Even if you are telling the truth," Sweetie Belle says, "Wouldn't it be safer if we stayed in camp tonight and headed back tomorrow morning?"
>"Ah've gotta agree with Sweetie Belle on this one. Even if there is somethin' out there, we stand a better chance against it together and when it's bright out," Applejack agrees.
>They've got a point, as much as you hate to admit it.
"Alright, fine. We'll wait until tomorrow morning and then head back to Ponyville."
>"Wonderful, now let's all get to bed. We'll need to get an early start tomorrow," Rarity tells everypony.
>You head into your and Scootaloo's tent, bedding down for an uneasy sleep.

——————————

>You are, well, you again.
>Right now, you're freaking out for an entirely different reason than earlier.
>Not only are you lost, but you probably pissed off you best chance at rescue when you first showed up.
>In Equestria.
>You're still having trouble wrapping your mind around that.
>Sure, you joked about going there… here… whatever, but you never actually meant it.
>At least beating the stuffing out of one of those… what were they called in the show?
>Timberwolves? Something silly like that.
>At least it was cathartic.
>Still, you needed to find some shelter.
>Survival now, figure out what the hell is going on later.
>Seemed like a good enough plan.
>Before you had gotten distracted, you had been heading roughly north.
>Seemed like a good enough direction as any.
>You would have to get a split on your ankle soon though.
>By the time you reached another place that seemed reasonable to stop at, it was almost dawn.
>It was definitely ruins.
>Small, mini-horse sized ruins.
>What the hell were they doing out here?
>It looked like a small village.
>It hadn't been abandoned recently, if the deterioration of several of the buildings was anything to go by.
>It also didn't look like it had been attacked.
>In fact, it looked like all of its residents just up and left.
>Maybe they left some stuff behind.
>Your adventuring instincts kick in, honed by years of playing RPGs.
>You approach the nearest building.
>It, like a vast majority of the other buildings, is some kind of stone cottage.
>With a quick shove, the door falls off of its hinges.
>The remains of the hinges are bright green.
>Interesting.
>You duck into the building, careful to not crack your skull on the ceiling.
>You feel like Gandalf in Bilbo's hobbit hole, but less magic-y.
>All things considered, the interior is actually in pretty good shape.
>Of course, there wasn't much in the way of anything left.
>Damn, they really took everything when they left.
>Well, whatever, time to just look harder.

——————————

>Good news!
>You managed to scrounge together some stuff to make a splint.
>Now you can only limp.
>But at least your leg should heal faster.
>Most of the other houses had been busts.
>You found some wild apple trees though.
>So that was breakfast.
>You were about halfway through searching the houses and it was already midday.
>You managed to find a rather full pouch of gold coins.
>Rather surprising that it would be left behind.
>You also found an odd assortment of tarnished silverware.
>You really regretted leaving your bag at the cave.
>Going back for it would be a good project for tomorrow.
>Assuming it hasn't been taken.
>You sigh, turning towards the next building.
>Back into the breach.

>You get the door open, finally.
>The hinges on this one were far sturdier than the others.
>You duck in.
>Holy shit that's a lot of books.
>What fucking sorcery kept them in such good condition?
>Oh, wait, right. Magic.
>Still, the looting must begin.
>You pull a pile of books off the shelves.
>Most of them look pretty worthless.
>But you can read the titles.
>Most of them look like they're fiction novels, and a brief skim through a couple seems to confirm it.
>You don't feel like lugging a bunch of books around, so they stay.
>By the time you are done, you've returned almost all of them to the shelves lining the walls.
>A couple books did catch your eye.
>The first: leather-bound, gold inlaid cover, with gems in each corner.
>The title was written in elegant, black lettering:
>"Tractus de Arte Alchimia"
>In smaller, yet still ornate lettering:
>"Scriptus a Aurelius Aetius"
>Now, your Latin's a bit rusty, but you're pretty sure this one's about fucking alchemy.
>That's… pretty goddamn sick, actually.
>The asshats on /lit/ can get fucked, you've got a book on functional magic!
>Actually, the other book looks pretty interesting too.
>Green cover, gold inlay.
>Silver lettering.
>"De et Miscens e Potiones, Scriptus a Porcius Albinus."
>Something about mixing drinks?
>Or potions?
>Either way, it looks valuable.
>Actually, you need a long-term plan.
>If you're going to be living here for any length of time comfortably, you had to get out of this forest.
>But where the the fuck would you go.
>Ponyville was right the fuck out, at least for a few weeks, after your… arrival.
>Besides, you don't have a map.
>You could probably head back towards those rainbow waterfalls, grab your stuff, and find a road or some shit.
>If your stuff was still there.
>With luck, it would be.
>Granted, luck had never been your strong suite.
>But, you ARE in magical horse-istan
>So maybe it'll be different.

——————————

>Be Purple Smart.
>You flit about your castle's library, rearranging the books again.
>Spike is out running some errands and you sent the guards back to the barracks for today, so the castle felt empty.
>So relaxing.

>"Hey, Twilight!"
>Rainbow Dash bursts into the room, shouting.
"Rainbow Dash? What's the matter?"
>"There's something in the White Tail Woods, and I don't think it's very friendly!"
"What- What happened?"
>"Alright, so Apple Bloom got separated from us yesterday, and she found a cave. She also found something in the cave. I don't know what it was, but it looked like a big monkey, or a Minotaur. Walked on two legs, big body, claws, the lot. It seemed pretty frightened. It managed to escape into the trees before we could stop it, though. And then…"
>You hold up a hoof to stop her.
"Woah, slow down! So you ran into a… big monkey, but it got away. What happened next?"
>"I was getting to that. So, at about the middle of the night, we all get woken up by Timberwolf calls, speaking of that, there's an active pack there now. Probably something that should get looked into."
>Timberwolves? In the White Tail Woods?
>That was worrying.
>You had the closest garrison of the Royal Guard under your direct command, so you'd dispatch a patrol as soon as possible.
>Celestia knows they were getting bored hanging around in Ponyville.
"Alright, I'll send out some guards."
>"Great. Anyways, we wake up, Applejack re-lights the fire, and I head out to go look for them, see if I can get some advanced warning, y'know."
>You levitate a sheet of paper and a quill over, jotting down some notes.
>Autumn is just around the corner, so the Timberwolves will have to dealt with in the next week or so.
>And then you need to help set up the festivities.
>There was actually quite a bit you had to do.
>"Hey, are you still listening?"
"Whoops, sorry, Rainbow Dash. I guess I got lost in thought."
>"It's cool, don't worry about it," Rainbow Dash replies, "What I was saying was that after a little while, the Timberwolves stop howling. And then something started roaring. I thought it was a bear, and headed over to investigate."
>She pauses.
>"It wasn't a bear. Whatever was, and I've got a sneaking suspicion that it's our friend from the cave, it was beating a Timberwolf's face in with a stick."
"A stick?"
>Rainbow Dash scowls.
>"Yeah, I'm being serious. I didn't really hang around to see what it was. Anything that can beat off a pack of Timberwolves with nothing but a stick is not something I really want to deal with alone."
>"After that I headed back to camp as quickly as I could. For some reason I, was thinking it was a Minotaur, but I'm pretty sure it was the big monkey."
>You raise an eyebrow.
"A Minotaur? Why would a Minotaur be going around the White Tail Woods beating up Timberwolves?"
>Dash's scowls deepens.
>"I was tired, okay? Besides, it was the middle of the night. I couldn't exactly see very well by moonlight and Timberwolf eyes."
"Okay, so obviously you all headed home early. Were there any incidents on the way back?"
>Rainbow Dash breathes a sigh of relief.
>"Thankfully, no. Though Applejack and Rarity stopped thinking it was a prank after we found this, surrounded by broken Timberwolf face."
>She pulls a cracked, green orb out of her saddle bag and gives it to you.
>Turning it over in your hooves, you inspect the orb.
>It glows faintly from within, and has the appearance of emerald or green glass.
>One side is covered in scratches and chips, the other is pristine.
>"That's a Timberwolf's eye," Rainbow Dash explains.
"Yes it is," you mutter.
>Festival planning could wait.
>Those guards were getting sent out a lot sooner.
>And there'd be a lot more of them.

——————————

>Be Private Rapid Charge, member of the Ponyville Royal Guard.
>One company.
>Five Platoons.
>Three squads each.
>Two unicorns, two pegasi, and six earth ponies per squad.
>All told, one hundred fifty ponies in the company.
>Sixty of whom, including yourself, were currently en route to the Winsome Falls area of the White Tail Woods.
>"Alright," shouts Lieutenant Ivory Justice, your commanding officer, "We're almost to the drop off point, so I'm going to go over the plan one more time!"
>She's a worrier.
>Great CO, but damn can she fret.
>"When we arrive, it's going to be dusk. I want to see nopony without a crystal lamp or a light spell. If I catch anypony not properly equipped, I will personally PT you."
>That gets some shudders in the ranks.
>"Now, we're going to break up into groups of five within our squads. One pegasus and a unicorn per patrol group. Sergeant, if you will?"
>"I've already got the teams drawn up, and each corporal has a list of the ponies under their command," Sergeant Astral Bristle shouts, "So don't even think of trying to weasel your way into another group!"
>"And stay safe out there," Ivory adds, "I don't want to hear about anypony taking stupid risks!"
>"Got it, mom," calls a private.
>Winter Metal, if you recall his name correctly.
>Poor son of a mule.
>"Ahahaha," Ivory laughs, her gaze settling on the unfortunate earth pony, "You're on latrine duty for the next week, private. Troops dismissed, find your patrol groups. We disembark in twenty minutes!"

——————————

>Be you.
>Having rummaged through every house in the village and only two books, some coin pouches, and some apples to show for it, you decided to head back towards the cave and look for your pack.
>Your foot is starting to feel better, too.
>Shifting the books under your right arm, you set out back into the forest, towards the distant rainbow waterfalls.
>The trees were a lot thinner here, but still, devil trees.
>With less roots to impede your advance, you make good time, and within twenty minutes, you reach a hill.
>Looking back to the west, you can just barely make out the gray shapes of the village popping out from the leafy roof of the trees.
>Looking to the south, you can see white smoke and dark shapes in the air.
>The sunlight catches on one of the shapes and it glitters with the telltale glint of metal.
>ohshit.jpg
>That's probably not good.
>The column of smoke starts to move away.
>That's probably a train.
>But what are those flying around over there?
>Aw shit, those are Pegasi, aren't they.
>Probably military?
>After how you reacted upon first arriving, it'd be pretty stupid not to send out some kind of patrol to find what was lurking in the woods.
>It'd be preferable if you didn't get captured by ponies in the first week of being in Equestria.
>Now the fun (read: mortal terror) begins.
>You had to get your backpack, and fast.
>Without it, you are beyond fucked.
>ohboyherewego.
>You get off of the hill as quickly as possible, still heading towards the rainbow waterfalls.
>The darkness shall be your ally.
>If they can't see you, you'll be golden.
>Hopefully.

————————————

>Be Private Rapid Charge.
>You never really liked forests.
>Especially at night.
>But in full armor and with four other trained soldiers, with fifty-five others on hoof, you have no fear.
>Somewhere above you, Sky Sprint runs his search pattern, his crystal lamp shining down through the trees as the pegasus scouts on ahead.
>To your left, Star Aurora sends out occasional bursts of detection magic, her light spell illuminating the trees and
>Ahead of her, Corporal Frozen Stream slowly swings the beam of his helmet's light about, scanning the thick underbrush.
>Crystal Charm follows suite, covering the left side of the formation as you cover the right flank with your own crystal light.
>The sun has set, but every so often you can make out the glimmer of the lights of another patrol group through the trees in the distance.
>Nopony speaks.
>The only sounds are the light clanking of armor, the wind whispering through the treetops, the swoosh of pegasus wings as Sprint banks over you, starting another run, and the crunching of leaves and twigs underhoof.
>Star tenses up suddenly.
>"Lights, to my right," she hisses.
>All four beams of light swing over to where her hoof is pointing.
>Timberwolves.
>Two of them.
>They know they've been caught.
>Star Aurora calmly generates a pair of javelins of pure energy.
>They glow with a faint silver light.
>You and the others move in between her and the monsters, spears at the ready.
>The first Timberwolf leaps forward, only to meet a silver javelin between the eyes.
>You didn't see it fly towards the Timberwolf, it was just suddenly in the thing's forehead.
>Sweet Celestia, that's scary.
>The bastard doesn't get a break as its head is taken clean off by a beam of magical energy, followed shortly thereafter by the second javelin zipping between the trees and into the severed head from beneath.
>Something cracks in the Timberwolf’s skull and its eyes go dim.
>One down, one to go.
>Star is panting lightly behind you.
>The second Timberwolf crouches down and leaps, ricocheting off of the trees.
>Star still hasn't readied another bolt of energy.
>"Hoorah," growls Frozen Stream, rushing forward to meet the monster, lowering his spear.
>You glance at Crystal Charm.
>The Neigh Orleanian pony grins, charging forward on her spring-like legs.
>You follow after them, steeling your nerves.
>No words are needed.
>The four of you had practiced this particular maneuver countless times in training on account of your proximity to the Everfree Forest.
>The Timberwolf howls in pain and anger as Frozen Stream's spear pins it to a tree.
>The only way to kill a Timberwolf is to shatter the brain.
>If the brain does not crack, the body will grow back.
>Crystal Charm leaps into the air, letting momentum propel her mithril-tipped spear towards its head.
>For a moment, the wolf looks up, opening its jaws for the pony.
>The spear goes into its mouth.
>Crystal Charm throws in a kick to the side of the head for good measure.
>You force your own spear up through its lower jaw, cleanly passing between the branches making up its skull.
>You feel the brain give way with a crack.
>The Timberwolf's body begins to fall apart, large clumps of wood falling to the forest floor.
>Frozen Stream tugs his spear out of the tree with a flourish.
>"Form up."
>You fall back into the triangular formation.
>He looks back at the unicorn behind him.
>"Star, are you okay?"
>"Yes sah, I'm pahfectly fine," the Hooflynite replies, bobbing her head slightly, "Just a little winded is all. I'll have taw practice simultaneous castin' maw when we get back."
>Frozen Stream nods and you go back to marching.

——————————

>Be you.
>Pegasi are flying overhead, casting beams of light on the forest below.
>You flatten yourself against the trunk of a large tree as a bright beam streams down through the foliage.
>Apart from flapping wings, the silence is occasionally broken by distant shouts.
>Each time you hear one, your body freezes up, terrified that you've been found out.
>Then the first of the lights comes into view.
>They're bright, moving in clusters and sweeping the forest floor methodically.
>Even from your vantage, you can make out two… no three… four groups in the distance.
>They're moving almost perpendicular to you.
>You crouch down and start moving to the right.
>If you can just slip past them you're home free.
>If.
>There's that word again.
>If.
>If you can slip past them.
>If you can avoid them until you reach the cave.
>If you can find your pack.
>If you can get out of the area without getting caught.
>You've been placing a lot of faith in 'If' recently, haven't you?
>Still, it's do or die, not like there's much choice.
>You creep forward slowly.
>More flashes of light in the distance.
>Oh god, this is fucking stupid.
>You're avoiding a concentrated search effort with a sprained ankle.
>At night.
>Where the searchers know the terrain.
>And you do not.
>Moreover, the searchers probably have magic, and they definitely have air support.
>Suddenly, a beam sweeps over the bush you're hiding in.
>You ready yourself to run or fight, grip tightening on your hiking stick.
>You wait for shouts.
>The beam lingers for a second, maybe two, and them moves on.
>Blood roars through your ears.
>You can feel your heart threatening to beat out of your chest.
>You inch forward.
>*Snap*
>The beam swings back over.
>Caught.
>You can see your soon-to-be captors
>Ponies.
>Gold armor, muted slightly, but obvious through the shimmering.
>Three normal ponies.
>One unicorn.
>The one that just saw you nudges the unicorn.
>The unicorn bobs her head.
>A wave of silver-gray energy washes over you.
>For a second, you panic harder.
>But nothing happens.
>The patrol moves on, and soon you are safely in their blind spot.



>Be Crystal Charm.
>You're sure you saw something in the bushes.
>It might've just been your mind playing tricks.
>Celestia knows this whole thing was putting you on edge.
>What pony wouldn't be on edge?
>You're tramping through the White Tail Woods in the middle of the night, hunting Timberwolves and some kind of monkey-like monster.
>How in the world would something like a Minotaur-sized monkey even come about?
>Star had sent out a wave of detection magic at your request.
>Nothing.
>Since there was nothing that wasn't at least somewhat magical, it followed logically that there was nothing there.
>Still…
>No.
>It must've been your mind playing tricks.
>There was nothing that had a face like that.
>Just your tiring mind seeing things that aren't there in the quick glimpses you catch as you swing your gaze and lamp about.
>You relax, falling back into the beat.
>That monkey-thing would be caught yet.

——————————

>Be you again.
>You're still on the verge of panic.
>At least the patrols are moving roughly in line with one another.
>Still, there's a lot of lights.
>No less than four groups ahead of you and three behind.
>Adrenaline has completely removed the pain from your ankle now.
>that'sgood.png
>The patrols finally move away from your bush.
>Tepidly, you stand up.
>Thank fuck.
>They're gone.
>You zip through the trees as quickly as you can, dodging clearings, ledges, streams, and roots.
>Still, you need to check where you are going.
>Sneaking up to the edge of a clearing, you half-expect to be instantly illuminated by a pegasi.
>You aren't.
>The lights in the sky are plenty distant.
>Also, the rainbow waterfalls were glowing faintly.
>okay.tiff
>Silently, you dash across the clearing, eyes glued on the sky.
>Nothing but the stars and a half-moon.
>Thank fuck.
>You note that you've made very good time.
>The moon is still very high in the sky.
>Looks to be about eleven or so.
>Pretty good, considering you set out from the village at about six or seven.
>Yeah, the ponies would find the village.
>Hell, they'd probably find traces of you.
>So fucking what?
>If everything went well, you'd be long gone by dawn and it wouldn't matter.
>If everything went badly, you'd be dead or arrested and/or talking to royalty by morning and it wouldn't matter.
>Anyways, you figured you were halfway there.
>Much of the rest of the hike was nondescript, mostly consisting of you slowly trudging through the forest.
>Suddenly, the flap of feathered wings overhead.
>You dive into the bushes, lying prone as the pegasus flies by.
>Your heart feels like it's going a million miles an hour.
>The flapping goes away.
>You still don't move, drawing shallower breaths now.
>Lights begin to appear in the forest.
>The ponies are coming back.
>Shit.
>You hope that these bushes will be enough to hide you.
>You cower even further into the bushes, begging to every deity you can name that the shadows hide you.
>You've never been very religious, but this bullshit is putting the fear of the spirit of God into you.
>Hold up.
>The ponies are just moving straight along.
>Holy fucking Christ on a goddamned bike, they didn't fucking see you!
>You're safe!
>You want to burst with joy, but their lights are still close, and you'd rather not fuck up at literally the last second.
>You wait until the lights have faded from view and slowly move again.
>Fucking awesome.
>It's just a short walk to the waterfall, find the cave, grab the pack and bug the fuck out.
>Let them look for you.
>The more time they waste here, the better.
>You stand up, brushing yourself off.
>You listen for anything out of the ordinary, holding your breath.
>Nothing.
>They're gone.
>You grin.
>Now then, time to get moving.
>You set off in direction that you were headed in before.
>As you walk, you feel the adrenaline leaving your system.
>You start shifting weight off of your left foot as the dull, throbbing pain returns.
>Both books are safely clutched in your right hand.
>Good day all around.
>Though your transition from walking to limping slowed you down, you're still making good time.
>Finally, you can see the edge of the tree line.
>The night sky is beautiful.
>With no light pollution but the moon, it seems that all of the stars are out.
>Damn, it's incredible.
>It reminds you of that time you went to the badlands.
>And somewhere among those shining orbs in the sky, might be home.
>Holy shit, this makes you the furthest human from home ever, doesn't it?
>How many light years separate you and everything you've ever known?
>No.
>This is no time for panic.
>You have to just survive in this brave new world.
>And right now, that means finding your backpack and getting the fuck out of this damn forest.
>You think back to when you first arrived.
>The rainbow waterfalls were off to your right.
>That's a start.
>The falls are actually pretty awesome looking.
>You've got no clue why they're glowing and rainbow.
>Probably magic.
>Well, no matter, you'll look into it later.
>Interestingly, The water stops being rainbow once it reaches the lake below the falls.
>It's actually really clear.
>You walk along the coast of the lake, circling around to the far side.
>Once you've made it around, you start following the cliff face.
>There can only be so many caves right?
>The falls behind you rumble incessantly.
>Soon you're back to seeing by moonlight.
>You run your hiking stick along the base of the cliff, just to make sure you can't lose it.
>You keep walking the length of the cliff.
>The moon sinks lower in the sky.
>It's pretty dark when you find the cave.
>Smiling, you go in, tapping about in the darkness.
>Dead end.
>Wrong cave.
"Shit."
>Oh well.
>Nothing to do but keep going, right?
>That's exactly what you do.
>Still following the cliff, you come to another cave a few minutes later.
>You tap around with you hiking pole.
>And feel something soft.
>Dropping to your knees, you almost weep with joy as you feel it.
>It's your motherfucking backpack.
>Hell fucking yes.
>You grope around a little more.
>Aaaaaand…
>There's your camp stove, too.
>Shit son, your luck has finally turned for the better, if today was any indication.
>Time to grab all this and go.
>You hastily stuff the books into the top of the pack, closing it back up.
>You put away the camp stove and pot.
>You'll clean them later.
>Reaching into another pouch, you pull out your headlamp, tugging it on.
>You shoulder your pack, wincing at the added weight on your ankle.
>Trying not to focus on it, you leave the cave, snapping the clips on the chest straps shut over your jacket.
>Now then, time to head out.
>It looked like there was a path or trail that came through here.
>Eh, as good of a direction as any to go in.
>The path is well-maintained, heading north, curving around the basin.
>You follow it.
>This is no game trail.
>It's deliberate.
>Someone made this.
>Did a decent job, too.
>As far as trails go, it's pretty nice.
>Your headlamp stays off as you walk down the darkened path.
>No sense drawing attention to yourself and the moonlight filtering down through the forest canopy illuminated the trail well enough.
>It's nice to not have to worry about tripping over roots for a change.
>Just before dawn, the trees begin to thin out.
>In the auroral dim, you can make out a wide, flat plain just past the trees.
>You quicken your pace, and find yourself standing in a tall-grass prairie.
>Like full-on Kansas.
>To the north and east, there is nothing but grass, scattered trees, and hills for miles.
>To the south and west, trees and mountains alike stand tall.
>The sun finally peeks over the eastern horizon, spreading its soft golden rays across the land.
>The trail continues, winding with the contours of the earth.
>It joins a dirt road.
>Examining your options, you suddenly realize just how tired you are.
>Well, a quick break couldn't hurt, right?
>You sit down on the side of the road, basking in the early morning sun.
>Slowly, you drift off to sleep, propped up against your backpack.

——————————

>Be Jolly Sou'wester
>You blink sleep from your eyes, standing up on the light, fluffy cloud.
>Adjusting your saddlebags, you leap, kicking the cloud away from under you.
>Freedom.
>Spreading your wings, you glide on the morning breeze.
>You plan on being in the next town by nightfall.
>It'll be nice to sleep in a real bed for a change.
>Clouds are great, but sleeping in a bed beats sleeping outdoors on any day of the week.
>Below you, the grass rolls in waves, the soft rustling filling the morning air.
>Many ponies would balk at waking up before dawn.
>Especially pegasi.
>But, as your old stallion always said: early to bed and early to rise makes a colt happy, healthy, and wise.
>It seemed to work for you.
>You weren't dead yet, that's for sure.
>Better than you could say for a few of your friends.
>The sun begins to rise over the distant horizon.
>The plain stretches out before you, interrupted only by the brown, snaking form of the road.
>Dew on the stalks of the tall grass glistens in the bronze dawn light.
>Beautiful.
>You would fly like this forever if you could.
>You travel in silence, drinking in the morning symphony.
>Below you, something catches your eye.
>What is that?
>You glide down closer.
>It looks funny.
>Like a Minotaur, but pink.
>No, it's not your problem.
>But what is it?
>It's not your… oh for Celestia's sake why are you going towards it.
>Damn your curiosity.
>You land on the road beside it.
>It looks like it spent a night in the woods.
>Twigs stick out of its fur, it's covered in splotches of mud, and it has what looks like a makeshift splint on its left leg.
>Oh horseapples, is it hurt?
>Well, you can probably help with that.
>You poke it a few times with your hoof.
"Hey, are you okay?"
>No response.
>You grab its torso, giving it a hearty shake.
>It's definitely breathing.
"Hey, wake up. C'mon, wake up."

——————————

>Be you.
>You had the weirdest dream.
>It was one where you got sent to Equestria and ended up staying up for the better part of two days bumbling around a forest.
>"Hey, wake up. C'mon, wake up."
>Who's voice was that?
>Someone was shaking you.
>You push them off, stretching out your arms with a yawn.
>That was a pretty good nap.
>Your eyes slowly allow themselves to be opened.
>And…
>Motherfucker.
>You are face-to-face with another smol wing-horse.
>Unconsciously, your hand darts to  your hiking pole.
>By the time your realize what you're doing, the sharp steel tip of your hiking pole is almost touching its throat.
>You manage to keep from impaling the little guy, but just barely.
>It leaps backwards, flapping its wings to try to get airborne.
>The end result is it jumping a solid six or seven feet away from you.
>It starts shouting.
>"Woah, woah! Calm down mate, just trying to see if you're alive!"
>Dammit.
>Okay, you can still salvage this.
>Just… don't sperg out this time.
>Again.
>You take a breath, lowering the hanging point.
"Ah. Fuck. sorry, you startled me."
>It's, no, he's, definitely he's, just over three and a half feet tall, has a steel-blue coat and a dark mane with a slightly gray-blue tint.
>He looks at you with a pair of large, gray eyes.
>"Eh, don't worry about it. That wasn't the worst response I've gotten to waking somepony up."
"Uh… Alright then. Who're you?"
>You're doing great.
>Relatively speaking.
>He steps forward and shakes his wings.
>"My name's Jolly Sou'wester, I happened to be flying past and noticed that you were sleeping on the side of the road. Are you okay?"
"More or less. I mean, I'm in one piece, right? Again, sorry about almost… y'know."
>You try to get to you feet, only for your left ankle to flare up with pain.
>Okay, so you aren’t moving for a little while.
>"Look mate, no harm, no foul. And are you sure you're okay? You've got a splint on your leg and all."
"Yeah, it's just a sprained ankle."
>"Oh, a sprained ankle? I can probably help with that. I occasionally dabble in medicine."
"Really? Thanks."
>Wow, this wing-horse is unironically one of the nicest people you've every met.
>"Hey, it's the least I can do."
>Oh god now he's making you feel guilty.
>The worst part is that he obviously doesn't mean to.
"That's what I should be saying to you."
>"Don't worry about it."
"No, I'm worrying about it. I could've seriously hurt you. Once I'm walking again I'll fucking… carry your bags or some shit. I will help you, and there's nothing you can say to convince me not to help you."
>"Alright then, let's see your leg, first."
>Jolly Sou'wester pokes at your boot, a look of confusion spreading across his face.
>"Uh, mate. I kinda can't get a good look at the sprain with this covering your hoof. Can you take it off?"
"Oh, you mean my boot? Yeah, sure."
>You lean forward, untying the steel-toed boot.
>You pull it off, followed by your wool sock, slightly damp with sweat.
>Jesus that feels good.
>You wiggle your toes in the open air.
>Jolly Sou'wester recoils, visibly perturbed.
>"Look I don't if that's voluntary or not but if it is, could you maybe… not do that?"
>You narrow your eyes, breaking out into a grin as you start wiggling your toes even more.
>He narrows his eyes and his muzzle scrunches up as his mouth curls into a frown.
>He's pouting at you.
>Ohgodthat'sactuallyadorable
>Hnnnnnnnnng
"Sorry, sorry, I'm kidding with you. I'll stop, I swear!"
>The pout goes away.
>"Buck yourself."
>You stop wiggling your toes.
>"I'm going to need you to just close your eyes for me."
"Why?"
>"This particular treatment, it's sort of a… trade secret. I don't want other ponies copying my method."
>Eh, fair enough.
>You close your eyes.
>"So, you have a name? I don't wanna keep calling you mate."
"Uh… Yeah. I'm Anonymous."
>"Weird name."
>He pulls the remains of the splint off of your leg.
>Oh and Jolly Sou'wester isn't a weird name?
>Then again, this is magical horse-istan.
"I'm going to choose to ignore that. Call me Anon if you want."
>You feel something cold and slick being slathered onto your ankle.
>"Alright, so I'm applying this salve to the wounded area. Just keep breathing steadily. It'll only take a few minutes."
>You let out a breath that you didn't realize you had been holding.
>"Now, you might feel a little tingle. Don't worry, that's normal."
>He's right, your left ankle is tingling.
>It slowly subsides.
>"Okay, you can open your eyes now."
>He's rolled your pant leg back a couple of inches.
>You try moving the foot.
>Holy shit, that does feel better!
>After putting on your sock and boot, you stand up.
>It feels a little weird to be able to put pressure on your left side.
>But great, you can walk again!
"Thanks, dude, I owe you, big time."
>"Don't mention it."
>You start to walk.
>"Ahem."
>You turn.
>Jolly Sou'wester is glaring at you, his front legs crossed.
>Oh, right.
>Bag.
>He flies over to you, dropping the bag into your waiting arms.
>"Follow me, Anon! There's a town up ahead! We should be there by nightfall!"

——————————

>Wow, your ankle feels way better.
>Whatever Sou'wester used works like a charm.
>His bag isn't that heavy either.
>He spends most the journey walking alongside you, only occasionally taking off to scout ahead.
>Around noon, he shoots off of the ground again, spiraling upwards into the air.
>You were surprised the first time he did it, but the novelty quickly wore off.
>This is your life for now, and honestly, it's not too bad.
>Lost in thought, you almost didn't notice Jolly Sou'wester circle back around.
>"Hey, Anon! There's a grove of trees just past this ridge! It looks like a good spot for lunch!"
"Awesome, I'll meet you there!"
>You jog up the hill, feeling your backpack bounce against your back.
>Your stomach growls at the thought of real food.
>Reaching the top of the hill, you look down.
>Sure enough, in the trough between this hill and the next, is a small cluster of trees.
>You work your way down the hill.
>The grove is nice and shady, several degrees cooler than the road.
>Perfect place for lunch.
>Jolly Sou'wester lands beside you.
>"I'll be along in a bit."
"Alright, don't take to long or I might have to head on without you."
>He nods, walking away.
>You unclip your backpack, leaning it against a tree.
>Opening it up, you look for something to eat.
>Ramen, beef jerky, some dehydrated meals, and several small ziplock bags full of trail mix.
>You remember reading that if you're really hungry and then eat a lot quickly, you'll just make yourself sick.
>Trail mix it is then.
>You'll eat more on the road.
>Unzipping one of the ziplock bags, you pour out a decent handful of nuts, berries, oats, raisins, chocolate, and pretzels.
>You silently thank the /ck/ poster who came onto /out/ to share the miracle of homemade trail mix.
>Sou'wester comes back with a large bundle of tall grass.
>"Got food. Want some?"
"It's fine, I have my own. Grasses aren't really my thing."
>"You sure?"
>You give him a look.
>"Alright, your loss."
>He gulps down the grass before taking off and hovering.
>You finish your trail mix.
>The two of you relax in the shade for a little while.
>Finally, Jolly Sou'wester speaks up.
>"Hey, Anon, pass me my bag."
"Sure."
>You toss him the bag.
>He pulls a piece of paper out, unfolding it.
>"We're here… so the town should be…"
>He continues muttering to himself, slowly circling.
>He stops circling.
>"We're making really good time. If we pick up the pace a little, we could be in town an hour early!"
"Great! That's a map, right? Can I see it?"
>"Yeah, of course."
>He drops the map, letting float down into your waiting hands.
>The map looks vaguely like the official map from Hasbro, but this one is definitely drawn to scale.
>Everything looks further apart.
>The mountain ranges and forests appear to be smaller.
>There's actually some semblance of substantial distance between towns, much of it marked with hills and plains.
>Towns dot the landscape, some circled in red ink.
>Major roads, rivers and railroads are all marked.
>The major cities all have names.
>With a couple that are entirely unfamiliar.
>Neigh Orleans.
>Hengsterdam.
>A couple others, all following similar names.
>An ornate compass rose graces the bottom left corner of the map.
>You hand the map back to him.
>He puts it back into his bag.
>It is then that you notice his cutie mark.
>It's a compass rose.
>The same one as on the map.
"Hold on, did you make that?"
>"Yeah, I'm a cartographer. I make maps."
"That's pretty cool. You've probably been to a bunch of places then, huh?"
>He puffs out his chest, looking very proud of himself.
>"Of course. But I've never seen anything quite like you, Anon. Tell me, where are you from?"
>Oh boy.
>Well, the truth was going to come out one way or another.
>Might as well get it over with right now.
>You take a deep breath.
"So, you probably won't believe me, but I'm actually from another world."
>He chuckles.
>Then he looks back at you.
>Chuckle is kill.
>"Wait, seriously?"
"Yeah. Honest truth."
>He's silent for a long time.
>You brace yourself for the worst, looking back up at him.
>He zips forward, less than a foot separating the two of you.
>His eyes are sparkling.
>Not metaphorically.
>His eyes are literally sparkling.
>"Tell. Me. Everything."
"Okay, I'll tell what I can. But first, you have to chill."
>He floats backwards.
"First off, where I'm from we don't have three-foot-tall talking horses. It's just us humans and all of nature out to get us."
>He raises a faint eyebrow.
>"Out to get you? What do you mean?"
"We've got no magic. We can't control nature. We can only react to what it throws at us."
>"No magic? Like… none whatsoever? How does your species even survive?"
"We survived because we live on a world entirely devoid of magic, and we have brain."
>"Brain?"
"Yeah. Ingenuity, intelligence, creativity, stuff like that. We have it. Nothing else does. And so, we rule the world."
>"A world without magic… amazing."
"No. It's pretty terrible, actually. Most humans don't get along. Part of that probably comes from having to survive in a world that wants us dead. We're naturally dishonest, unkind, unhappy, selfish, and disloyal. There are exceptions, but as a general rule, people suck. We have no magic. All we have is brain and greed without end."
>"Yeah, well you don't seem like you're too bad, and I'm generally a good judge of character."
"I'm glad you think so."
>"Yeah, in fact, I think you're genuinely good."
"Why?"
>"I dunno, I'll get back to you on that."
"So you're fine with me being around what with-"
>"Of course! We're friends now! Besides, it still doesn't top the craziest thing to ever happen to me; I was at The Wedding."
>Funny, you can hear the capitalization.
>You're certain you know what he's talking about.
>But just to be safe, you feign ignorance.
"The wedding?"
>"Oh right, you don't know about this world. So here's what happened…"

——————————

>He's been talking for a while, when he gestures for you to follow him.
>The two of you leave the grove and continue along the dirt road.
>"Then the shield around the city, you know, the one Shining Armor was keeping up? Yeah, that comes down, and suddenly it's raining Changelings."
>If only he knew what you knew.
>"I book it. You don't survive the unknown reaches of the world by hanging around things that you know are dangerous. It was going well until I took a turn too hard and clipped the corner of a building."
>Some things are better left unsaid, and 'Hey your world's a work of fiction for little girls' is probably up there as one of them.
>"So I'm running as fast as I can, my wing hurts like all get out, and there are more Changelings falling out of the sky with each passing minute."
>You both reach the top of the next hill.
>"I make a hard turn onto a dead end. I look back, to see if they were still following me, and three of them just sort of casually trot up, blocking my only escape route. One of them blasted me with something and I just went down."
 >Jolly Sou'wester takes off without missing a beat, flying alongside you as you make your way down the slope.
>"When I woke up, I was upside down, hanging in a Changeling cocoon. Not a great way to wake up, would not recommend it. I don't really remember what happened after that, mostly on the account of me falling unconscious again."
>He finishes his story, looking at you expectantly.
"Well hot damn, that is pretty crazy."
>He grins.
>"Best part is, they finished the wedding. Had to kick all the Changelings out of the city to do it.
>The two of you spend the rest of the afternoon walking and joking.
>Jolly Sou'wester is practically the definition of a cool guy.
>Also, you never realized just how dangerous a profession cartography was.
>From shipwrecks to dragon attacks to pony-eating monsters, it sure sounded like he had had more than his fair share of brushes with death.

——————————

>A little before sunset, you spot something in the distance.
>It's a building.
>Maybe a barn?
>Sou'wester spots it too, and soon you're both sprinting, or, in Sou'wester's case, galloping, towards what seems to be the town.
>Before you reach it, you both slow down.
>It is definitely a town.
>You turn to your compatriot, looking down to meet his gaze.
"This where we were headed?"
>He nods, grinning.
>"This is where we were headed."
>God, these horses are adorable.
>You feel yourself making a big, goofy smile.
"Well then, let's go."
>You both stroll into the village, or rather, hamlet.
>Including the barn, there can't be more than five buildings.
>As you approach, you see some signs of life.
>Three ponies trot about.
>A single orange pegasus pushes a fluffy cloud about the sky.
>Some bees buzz about as the wind quietly rattles through the grass.
>As they see you, two of the ponies shy away, shrinking behind the third.
>He, judging by his admittedly impressive brown beard and mustache, approaches both of you, flicking his tail from side to side.
>"Good day, strangers. I'm Rocky Whiskers, what brings a pegasus and a… whatever you are to this tiny hamlet?"
>Jolly Sou'wester takes charge, shaking the larger pony's hoof.
>"Well met, Mister Whiskers, I'm Jolly Sou'wester, member of the Royal Exploratory Society, and this is Anonymous. We're a cartographical team. The two of us are just passing through, we'll be out of here by tomorrow morning."
>"Well, Jolly Sou'wester, Anonymous, it is a pleasure to meet both of you. Welcome to Strongtail. Biggest settlement in half a week's walk. I think you'll enjoy it here."
"Thank you, have a nice evening."
>Rocky Whiskers looks a little surprised at first, but he shrugs, walking onwards.
>"Yourself as well."
>The other two ponies give you a wide berth.
>Fair enough.
>Probably was their first time seeing a human.
>You and Jolly Sou'wester look around.
>There is a grand total of four buildings.
>A wooden sign swings in the breeze above one of their doors.
>Jolly Sou'wester reads it.
>"The Armed Pegasus."
"Sounds like a tavern or something to me."
>"I'd have to agree. I'm rather hungry, shall we go in?"
"I don't see why not."
>The two of you saunter into the building.
>You duck to avoid running into the doorframe.
>The tavern's interior is rustic, to say the least.
>Vaulted ceilings, just barely tall enough for you to stand up, very dim lighting, wooden tables, and a lone unicorn shining a glass behind a bar.
>An eclectic mix of mismatched tables and chairs is strewn haphazardly about the room.
>The faint smell of wood smoke floats up from a small fireplace that crackles and pops occasionally.
>A stew or soup of some kind bubbles in a pot on the range, filling the room with a wonderful aroma of potatoes, carrots, spices, and something earthy that you can't quite place.
>There's only a single patron sitting on a stool by the bar: an ice-blue and white pegasus with a pale orange mane.
>The unicorn notices you and sets down the glass he was polishing.
>"Welcome to The Armed Pegasus, find a seat, I'll be right over."
>If nothing else, he's the happiest-sounding bartender you've ever met.
>You regard the barstools for a moment, then decide they're just a little too small to support your weight.
>Instead, you opt to sit at one of the sturdier looking chairs.
>It feels really small.
>Sou'wester, on the other hand, had no such reservations about the barstools.
>He's sidled up into the stool next to the other pegasus and they already seem to have struck up a conversation.
>You do your best to not eavesdrop.
>Don't want to be impolite, after all.
>The two pegasi stop chatting for a short time as the unicorn takes Sou'wester's order.
>Soon after, he comes over to you.
>"My name is Starry Dew, would you like something to drink?"
"Yeah. I've had a crazy last few days, so get me some of your strongest stuff."
>"Of course."
"By the way, is there anywhere my buddy and I could stay for the night?"
>"Well, normally I would offer you a room here, but I'm not sure that we have one suited for something of your stature, perhaps you could ask the cows in the barn? They're very friendly, they'd be happy to let you stay the night. Just tell them that Dew sent you."
"Great, thanks."
>Your stomach growls.
>Before the unicorn can leave, you stop him.
"Also, I'm a little hungry. Do you have any soup or something like that?"
>"Of course, I put on some stew a little while ago, I'll bring a bowl right out."
"Awesome."
>With that he leaves, disappearing under the bar and coming back up with some silverware, three glass mugs, and two bowls.
>In short order, he's filled and levitated the glasses and bowls over to you and the pegasi.
>That was pretty cool.
>You take a large gulp out of the mug
>The alcohol tastes incredibly watered-down.
>That's disappointing.
>It doesn't taste bad.
>Sort of like a combination of honey and whiskey.
>Sweet, but also tangy.
>Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be very alcoholic.
>Maybe as alcoholic as a light beer.
>A shame.
>You were hoping to, at the very least, get buzzed tonight.
>Ah well, at least you probably won't have to worry about a hangover in the morning.
>The stew, on the other hand, is delicious.
>There's potatoes, carrots, mushrooms, tomatoes, peas, and a dumpling floating around.
>Definitely no meat.
>Once again, a little disappointing, but very, very understandable.
>Still, even without meat, it tastes amazing.
>The potatoes and carrots seem to melt in your mouth as you chew.
>The broth has a rich flavor that complements the mushrooms and onions.
>It's very filling.
>Before you realize it, the bowl is almost empty, and you're full.
"I'll take the check, please."
>Dew looks at you quizzically.
>"Check?"
"Er… I'll pay."
>You dig out the coin pouch that you had stuffed in your coat pocket.
>"Ah, yes. That'll be ten bits all told."
>You pick out ten of the golden coins, standing up.
>You walk over to where Sou'wester is perched.
"Hey, Sou'wester, I'm going to go over to the barn and see if I can find us somewhere to stay for the night."
>"That shounds great, I'll be along in a bit."
"Okay, meet me over there when you're done here."
>"See you later, Anon."
>Oh boy, he's buzzed.
>Ah well, let him have his fun.
>The path to the barn in well-worn and easy to find.
>The sun is completely below the horizon, but small, flickering lanterns light the way.
>The barn is definitely smaller than one that you've seen, but it's big enough that your eyes aren't level with the door frame.
>Hesitantly, you knock.
>From inside, you can hear a single voice.
>Male, rather deep.
>Heavily accented, but you can't quite place it.
>"Come in."
>You open the barn door, looking down at a very short bull with abnormally curly horns.
>The bull looks up at you before speaking again.
>"Hallo, you're big. Can I help ya?"
>As he speaks, you realize something.
>He has the thickest Minnesotan accent.
"Well, I was wondering if I could stay the night. I was sent here by Mister Dew."
>"Ooh, of course ya can, any friend of Dew's a friend of ours, don'cha know. How many'll be staying?"
"Just me and a pegasus."
>The bull bobs his head in response.
>"Mona, we've got guests, lay out some bedding for 'em, would ya?"
>The high lilt of a female voice floats back.
>"Oh, guests, how wonderful, I'll do it right away."
>A short, brown cow trundles out from behind a wall shortly afterwards, two bales of hay precariously balanced on her back.
>She sees you.
>"Oh, why hallo, you must be guest. Who are ya?"
"My name's Anonymous. I don't think you've ever met anything like me before."
>Mona chuckles.
>"Don't be silly, dear, we've met Minotaurs before. Very nice folks."
"Oh no, I'm not a Minotaur, I'm a human."
>"Well, Anonymous the Human, I'm Kore and this is my wife, Mona. My brother, Sven, and his wife, Marta, are out of town this week."
>Kore leads you around, giving you the house tour.
>This is easily one of the nicest barns you've ever been in.
>It's spacious and seems to have several rooms in the place of stalls.
>The ground has been swept clean,
>Metal lanterns hang from hooks in the ceiling, keeping the entire floor well-lit.
>In fact, if it weren't for the upper floor being filled with hay bales, crates, and barrels, you almost wouldn't know it was a barn.
>You turn to Kore.
"What do you do around here?"
>"Oh, it's quite a good setup, don'cha know. The heifers sell milk 'n the like to the ponies, and Sven and I help out with plowing and harvesting. In return, the ponies helped us make this lovely barn and they pay a fair wage, too."
"Sounds like you've got a solid living here."
>"Of course, don'cha know there's no work like honest work."
>It is about then that Jolly Sou'wester chooses to arrive.
>He's not alone.
>The pegasus from the tavern leans against him, the pair swaying slightly in the doorway.
>"Hey Anon, hello Mister Bull."
>He sounds positively hammered.
"Jolly Sou'wester, this is Kore. Who's the mare?"
>"My -hic- name is Lucky -hic- Snowflake."
>Wew lad, she sounds more drunk than Sou'wester.
>"I was -hic- passing through town -hic- and started talking -hic- with Jolly here. Imma be -hic- coming with you from now on -hic-."
"Okay, nice to meet you, Lucky."
>Fuck it, if Sou'wester wants her to come, you aren't gonna stop him.
>He did say he was a good judge of character.
>So if he thinks she'd be a good addition to the team, you'll trust him.
>Besides, she seemed pretty chill.
>Though part of that might be because she's drunk off her ass.
>Eh, as a friend once said, people are most honest when drunk.
>If she was good when hammered, she was probably good sober.
>Also, even if she wasn't reasonable, there was nothing saying you had to stay with Sou'wester.
>But to be entirely honest, you knew you couldn't just bail on the little guy.
>He'd endeared himself to you.
>Little fucker was a bro.
>If Lucky was a rotten bitch, it'd be up to you to help your friend.
>"So -hic- you must be -hic- Anon. It's -hic- a pleasure to meet you."
>She leans forward, extending a hoof.
>It's about then she realizes she misjudged the distance and starts to fall forward.
>Thankfully, Sou'wester is still cogent enough to catch her.
>"We should pro'ly get off to bed soon."
>He's slurring his words, but it doesn't seem too bad.
>But he's right.
>Everyone's tired.
"Alrighty, let's get some shut-eye. Good night, Mister Kore and Missus Mona."
>"Good night. Sleep well."

——————————

>Be Lucky Snowflake
>That was one of the nicest nights' rest you'd had in some time.
>Or it would've been, if you hadn't woken up with a raging hangover.
>At first, you panic at waking up in an unfamiliar barn with a stallion.
>Memories of last night begin to drift into focus.
>You were at a bar, when another pegasus and something tall walked in.
>The pegasus' name was… Jolly. Jolly Sou'wester.
>After that, you have a hard time recalling what happened.
>You stand up, finding that your hooves are resting on a spongy surface.
>You follow the long barrel-shape of the torso to the face of what appears to be a giant monkey.
>It opens its eyes.
>You're already in the top corner of the room, flattening yourself against the wall.
>The giant monkey casually stretches.
>You try to put even more distance between yourself and the predator.
>It opens its mouth with a yawn, displaying a set of rather sharp-looking teeth.
>It grabs Jolly's shoulder.
>You find yourself paralyzed with fear, dreading the inevitable attack.
>It gently shakes Jolly awake.
>Hold up.
>What?
>"Morning. Sou'wester, you about ready to go?"
>Jolly rises, shaking his head.
>"Naw mate, I think we should probably sort everything out first."
"What- What's going on? You two know each other?"
>The monkey turns back to Jolly.
>"Wait, you didn't tell her? Dude, what the hell?"
>Jolly snaps back at it.
>"I was drunk! Thought I told her."
>The monkey shakes its head.
>"Alright, here's the quick rundown. My name's Anonymous, you can call me Anon. I'm a human, traveling with Sou'wester here. I'm not gonna hurt you, I don't eat horse."
>You don't quite trust it, but Jolly seems to be okay with it.
>The human reaches down to pick at something on its left hoof.
>It's scratching at a stiff, translucent, green film caking its ankle.
>Then you see its hooves.
>Like its forearms, they end in fingers.
>Short, stubby, bent fingers.
>What manner of beast is this?
>It pulls a chunk of the green film off with a crack.
>The human looks over at Jolly.
>"What the hell is this?"
>Jolly chuckles nervously.
>"It's uh… It must be from that salve. Never seen it do that before. Can you still move your ankle?"
>The human casually spins its hoof, pieces of the film falling off as a green dust.
>"Yeah, it's perfectly fine."
>As if to prove it, Anonymous draws itself to its full height.
>Sweet Celestia, it's huge.
>Easily a head taller than Princess Luna herself.
>Probably more.
>But it doesn't seem overtly hostile.
>Even if it does look like it could snap your neck like a twig.
>You allow yourself to land.
>It's definitely intelligent, and, in fact, seems to be friendly.
>Even if it does look like an overgrown monkey.
>Anon glances over to the corner you're standing in before looking back at Jolly.
>"Alright, what's the plan Sou'wester? Where are we headed?"
>It's acting so casual about this.
>But there's a note of resignation in its voice.
>Where does this creature, this human, come from that it considers your initial reaction normal?
>Jolly's voice shakes you out of your musings.
>"Well, if we stay on this road, we should be in Manehatten in about a fortnight and a half to moon."
>Anon nods.
>"And how are we doing on food and stuff?"
>Jolly looks through his saddlebags for several minutes, muttering quietly.
>He looks back over at Anon.
>"Well, I know I've got enough to get to the next town. Do you?"
>Anon shrugs.
>"I… maybe? How far is it?"
>Jolly looks down at a paper.
>"Four day walk, five if we're slow."
>Anon scowls, digging through his
>"I've got enough for a day, maybe two, but that's pushing it. Four days, forget it."
>Jolly frowns in response to this revelation.
>"We'll have to restock then."
>Anon nods, then turns to you.
>"Yep. Lucky, how're you in terms of supplies?"
>It takes you a moment to realize that you're being talked to.
"Um…"
>Your eyes dart around the room, looking for your own saddlebags.
>Horseapples, did you leave them back at the tavern?

——————————

>Be you.
>Lucky Snowflake just left to get her bag from the tavern, leaving you and Sou'wester alone in the barn's room.
>With how he was acting, he owes you an explanation.
"So. About that salve…"
>Sou'wester turns around with a sigh.
>"Yeah, I can trust you. Take a look."
>He rummages through his bag before pulling something out.
>"Here it is."
>He tosses you a small glass bottle half-filled with a viscous, green liquid.
>The label reads "Changeling Gel."
"So, changeling gel, huh? Why'd you tell me it was a salve?"
>"I wasn't sure if I could trust you. Changeling gel is illegal in every civilized part of Equestria. I had to travel all the way to Zebrica to get that much."
"That can't be the only reason you didn't want me to see it."
>"Well, yeah. You're right. It bubbles like a motherbucker when it's rubbed in, makes it look like the skin's melting."
"Ah… That'd be about as bad as my first impression, wouldn't it?"
>"Probably. Stuff's great, though. It's a healing agent, an anesthetic, and a sleeping agent all rolled into one. But too much taken orally will put the victim in a coma."
>Okay, that's a little disturbing.
"A coma? Jesus. Still not as bad as some of the stuff we have where I'm from."
>"I don't even want to know. I've only ever seen it set green twice before, once on a lump of iron and once seconds after being touched by a changeling. It normally sets clear."
"Well there's your explanation. Human blood cells are centered around iron."
>"Sweet Celestia, what is your species?"
"What do you mean?"
>"Iron is one of the few metals that can completely block out magic."
>Well shit, that explains the lack of magic.
>Your stomach growls.
"What do you say we go grab those supplies? Let's finish this conversation on the road."
>Sou'wester nods.
>"That sounds fine, I'll grab Snowflake, you restock. Meet me by the other side of town when you're done."
>With that, Sou'wester leaves the room.
>You shoulder your backpack, getting ready to leave as well.
>As you step into the main room of the barn, Kore walks in.
"Hey, Kore, just the bull I wanted to see. We're going to be leaving soon. Thanks for letting us stay here. How much do I owe you?"
>Kore laughs.
>"No, do not worry about it, Anonymous the Human, keep your bits."
>Is he serious?
"Thank you, but are you sure? I can pay you."
>"Yes, I'm quite certain, don'cha know. It's no trouble. Be on your way now!"
>You walk out of the barn into the bright morning sunlight.
>A soft breeze from the east rustles through the tall grass.
>You make your way down the path towards the buildings that make up the town.
>A yellow pony has set up a small stand out of a cart.
>Looks like it's a food stand.
>Perfect.
>You walk over.
>The poor salespony is shaking in his boots… horseshoes… whatever.
>Sucks to be him.
"I'm trying to get to the next town, but I need food. You sell food, right?"
>"Y-yes."
"Great. What do you have?"
>"W-well, we have bread, honey, hardtack, wheat, and hay."
>You shake your head and smile.
>The pony backs up a little further, his ears flattening.
"No wheat or hay for me. I'll take four days of hardtack and some honey."
>Your smile grows smaller.
>He visibly relaxes.
>"O-of course. That'll be six bits."
>You reach into your pocket for six coins.
"Here you go. Have a nice day."
>"You too."
>The pony gives a decently-sized sack to you.
>As requested, several tightly wrapped packages of hardtack and a jar of honey.
>You head over to the way out of the town.
>Sou'wester and Snowflake are both waiting for you with nearly full bags.
"Everybody set to go?"
>The pegasi glance at each other.
>They nod.
"Great, let's head out!"
>Sou'wester grins, pointing down the road.
>"Onwards, to the infinite horizon!"
>You chuckle at the drama with which he speaks.
"Lead on, my good man."
>He flaps his wings, taking off.
>"It would be an honor."
>And so, your party of three sets out into the world.
>Together.
>The journey begins in silence.
>Snowflake flutters along beside you, her soft wing beats only slightly louder than the rustling of the grass on either side of the road.
>Sou'wester walks slightly ahead of the two of you, glancing up at the sky every so often.
>You can't help but toss glances back over your shoulder every so often, watching as the buildings of Strongtail fade into the distance.
>After about an hour of walking, you can't see it any more.
>A short time later, and you notice a rather annoying problem.
>The sun is shining directly in your eyes and doesn't seem to want to stop.
>Fuck, that's annoying.
>Also, you're starting to get thirsty.
>Well, maybe you have something to rectify both issues.
"Hey, can we hold up for a minute? I need to take a drink."
>Sou'wester looks as if you've shaken him out of a trance.
>"Huh- wha- A break? Yeah, sure. That'd be fine."
"Great."
>You swing your pack off, opening up the top to get the long straw for your water bladder set up."
>Snowflake watches you with thinly-veiled curiosity.
>All in all, she's been pretty quiet.
>"So where are we going again?"
"As far as I know, Manehatten. But then again, I'm just following the good cartographer."
>You dig through your backpack, taking out a wide brimmed hat and tugging it onto your head.
>Much better.
>Oh hey, there's your hatchet.
>It might be a good idea to keep that close at hand, if the wooden wolf was any indication of what the animals can be like here.
>You unbuckle your belt, sliding the loop of the small axe's sheath on before buckling your belt again.
>Perfect.
>You're every inch the mountain man now.
>Maybe.
>Probably not.
>You also take your hiking pole from where you had strapped it to your backpack.
>You extend it back to a comfortable length.
>Considering that you had bashed the face of some kind of magical wooden beast in with it, it was in remarkably good condition.
>You're glad you decided to go with an aluminum design.
>It's not bent or even any more dented than it was before.
>Honestly, all of what little damage it sustained seems entirely superficial.
>You casually put your backpack on, and check to make sure everything is clipped.
>Alright, that seems to be in order.
>You take a long swig of water.
>Who needs water bottles?
>Sou'wester, who seems to have settled into his role as the group's leader and naviguesser, looks around.
>"Everypony ready to go?"
>Snowflake smiles.
>"Yep!"
"I suppose so. Let's head out."
 >Your group isn't all that talkative, it seems.
>Honestly, you aren't sure how you feel about that.
>It's not exactly bad, but still, a little conversation might help pass the time.
>Only problem is that nobody seems to want to initiate a conversation.
>Sou'wester is fully engrossed in his map.
>Snowflake seems like the quiet type.
>And you aren't sure what either would want to talk about.
>So, it seems as if the hike shall be enjoyed in silence.
>Oh well.
>It's a lovely day to be out and about.
>The sun is shining, there's not a cloud in the sky, and the light breeze keeps the air at a pleasant temperature.
>You notice Snowflake taking quick glances at you every few minutes.
>Her face scrunches up as if she were deep in thought.
>When she notices you looking back at her, she quickly averts her gaze.
>This goes on for some time until she finally speaks up.
>"I don't mean to be rude, but Anonymous, what are you?"
"What do you mean?"
>"Well, I know that you're a human, but what the hay is that?"
>Oh boy, this is going to be a regular conversation, isn't it?
>Might as well just get it over with now.
"First off, I'm not from this world. I'm from a place called Earth. Humans are the dominant species there, we don't have magical, flying, talking horses, and nothing has magic. Now, I'm not sure how I got here or why I'm here, but honestly, Earth kinda sucks. This world seems much better, so I ain't complaining. Secondly, humans are Great apes. Y'know, like gorillas or chimpanzees."
>She looks you over for a few moments, orbiting you mid-air as you walk.
>"I suppose I can see the resemblance."
>You aren't quite sure how to respond to that.
>Thankfully, Snowflake decides to change the subject.
>"But how do you survive without magic?"
"What we lack in magic, we make up with science and innovation. If there is a problem that we cannot solve on our own, we'll use these big brains of ours to figure out how to cheat on it."
>"Cheat?"
>Snowflake sounds almost indignant at the word.
"Yeah. We create tools that make the most difficult tasks trivial. We make the impossible possible by not caring that it's impossible. And if we don't succeed, that's no matter. Failure isn't failure, it just means you aren't using enough willpower, brain, and that you just need to try again, harder. Success means that there's probably an easier, better way, and so the cycle begins again. But really, that's enough about me. I haven't really gotten to know you yet."
>Snowflake gives you this big smile.
>Oh god, she was waiting for this.
>"Like a lot of pegasi, I'm from Cloudsdale. My dad worked at the Weather Factory and my mom stayed at home with my siblings and I. I've got a big family. I'm the fifth foal of eight. A few years back, I signed up for an expedition to scope out locations for a new pegasus colony further north, but things happened, plans fell through, and as far as the authorities are concerned, I'm missing, presumed dead, somewhere in the Yaket Range, body never recovered. I've been trying to get back on my hooves ever since."
>She chuckles, a mischievous gleam in her eyes.
>"But, I have been given the unique opportunity of attending my own memorial. I know exactly what day I'll be returning to Cloudsdale. Also, I get to visit my own grave while alive. Not many ponies can say they're able to do that."
>You turn to Sou'wester.
>Can't say you don't want to know more about him.
"What about you, Sou'wester? What's your story?"
>"Well, it isn't nearly as exciting, for certain. I'm from Baltimare, only child. My dad was a pegasus with the storm patrol, my mom was an earth pony who worked as an accountant for the Griffon's Point Shipyard. I had a pretty normal foalhood, went to Canterlot University to study, became a cartographer, and I've been traveling and mapping ever since."
>With nobody else who wants to speak, awkward silence hangs over the group.
>You cough, clearing your throat.
"So… Snowflake, what's Cloudsdale like?"
>"Well, it's this big city, built around a ancient anvil cloud. It floats around Equestria. Very important economic center. They make the weather there. A really interesting fact that most ponies don't know about Cloudsdale is that it's not actually part of Equestria."
"Really?"
>That wasn't mentioned in the show as far as you can remember.
>"Yeah. Hasn't been for three centuries. Technically, Cloudsdale is a fully autonomous city-state. Of course, realistically, it's a protectorate territory of Equestria. The biarchy rules supreme. But that doesn't mean that Governor Ace is a figurehead. He still has power, but it's vastly overshadowed by the Equestrian government. But what about you? What's your home like?"
>Well, it looks like it's time to play What The Fuck is Politics!
>The game where you, without any references or time to prepare, have to explain how international and national politics works to someone with slim to no context and an entirely different worldview.
>Oh boy!
>You aren't pleased with the prospect of presenting the plethora of peaceless periods to probably pacifistic, petite, pastel, pegasi ponies.
>So just try to avoid the topic of wars.
>Easier said than done.
>Here goes nothing.
"Imagine a world more divided than united. A world where individuals are defined by their differences. A world with some two hundred nations, thousands of different languages, and dozens of religions. That is my home. Its name is Earth. It is populated by humans, or people. There's a lot of people on Earth."
>"How many is a lot?"
"About, say, seven and a half billion."
>Both pegasi's wings make quick circles.
>They gape.
>Well, that's about right.
>"Seven and a half… billion? With a B?"
"Yep."
>Snowflake looks confused.
>"How much is that?"
"Seven and a half thousand thousand thousand."
>Snowflake's jaw seems to drop even further.
"People live on all seven continents, and our earliest civilizations date back millennia. We are the only species on our planet with language, and though our world can be hostile, we can change our environments to better suit our needs. A lot of the time, we don't get along, but when we work together, we can do just about anything."
>Snowflake looks at you with sheer disbelief.
>"Anything? Without any magic?"
"Just about. Like I said, without magic, we turned to science. We can do a lot of things with science."
>"Like what?"
"Well, for starters, we use electricity to light just about everything. Don't need to fear the dark if you can turn night to day with the flick of a switch."
>Both pegasi look at you.
>"Electricity?"
"Kind of hard to explain, I'll tell you later. Anyways, we also created vehicles to carry lots of us over long distances quickly. Some go over land, others go by sea, some even go underwater. Heck, some of them fly!"
>Snowflake's wings stretch outwards before closing.
>"So humans can fly too? Show me, show me!"
>You chuckle.
"Not quite. We build machines that can fly and then ride them to where we want to go. In our cities, we build upwards, and our tallest buildings reach thousands of feet into the sky. We can communicate almost instantaneously with anyone, just about anywhere, at little more than the push of a button."
>Both ponies just sort of stand in awe.
>Okay, what else is there?
>Just try to wrap up technology soon.
"We can create the semblance of life where there is none just by writing words."
>Sou'wester flaps his wings.
>"So, like a golem?"
"I guess, but we don't use magic. I don't really know how they work, just sort of a basic idea, really. But we do have them."
>Snowflake, looking rather pleased with herself, smirks.
>"So you were saying that your world is divided? It sure doesn't sound like it. I think it's just sour grapes."
"Like I said, there's about two hundred countries. Sometimes, they don't get along. We used to fight over our disagreements, but nowadays, we try to talk things out peaceably."
>Of course, 'used to' means about forty to eighty years ago.
>Better that they find out later.
>Snowflake turns back to you.
>"But why are there two hundred countries? Why not just seven, one for each continent?"
"Well, mostly because within continents, there are a lot of differences. Different languages, different cultures, you name it. But mostly, it's because humans desire to be free. Most modern governments are republics. The people elect leaders to represent them for a few years, then those leaders step down, and new leaders are elected."
>Sou'wester stops you with a wing.
>"What you're describing sounds a lot like the Equestrian Parliament. Ponies get elected from each major city every ten years, and they advise the princesses and present laws."
"Yeah, that's the basic idea, but there's one difference. Where I'm from, we elect a new executive leader, called a president, every four to eight years. Lawmakers are elected every two or six, depending on which house of the legislature they serve in."
>"Wait, wait, wait. So, not only do you regularly cycle the lawmaking body two to six times every twelve years, but you also completely change who is in charge two or three times in that period?"
"Yes."
>He starts laughing.
>"Anon, that's golden! The only form of government that functions for a long period of time in any capacity is a monarchy!"
>You resist the urge to start shouting.
"Maybe for you guys, but where I'm from, we like the assurance that one or two people don't have the ability to do whatever they want. Sure, it is less efficient, but we've been using our model for over two centuries, and it seems to function better than just about any other system. Hereditary lines die out, dictatorships collapse, theocracies shrink away, but the will of the people remains."
>Both pegasi look surprised at your outburst.
>That's fair.
>You basically just told them that everything they know about political theory is wrong.
>Sou'wester huffs.
>"Well. You're entitled to that opinion. Let's keep moving."
>And keep moving you all do.
>The only stop for rest of the day is lunch.
>Energy bars, yum!
>Most of the rest of journey is in silence.
>The next time anyone else speaks up, your feet are tired, your legs are starting to ache, and you're pretty sure you'd walked for at least nine hours.
>So, when Sou'wester finally says the fateful words, you're relived.
>"It's getting dark. We should probably find somewhere to spend the night soon."
>The bird horse speaks true.
>"Good idea," Snowflake agrees, "Keep away from the path. You never know who or what might be passing through tonight."
>After a little bit of searching, the three of you find a fairly large gully.
>Definitely used to be a river bed.
>Operative clause, used to.
>It's been overrun with the same grassy plant life that surrounds the bank.
>Both Sou'wester and Snowflake head off.
>Something about finding clouds?
>Whatever, it's easier to set up a tent without distractions.
>You drop your pack on the ground, stomping out a decent rectangle in the grass.
>Next, you take the tent bag off the top of your pack.
>After rolling out the shelter, you set about the job of setting up the poles.
>The process feels almost second nature to you, having done this many times on campouts as a kid.
>Next, the rain fly.
>And the final step, putting down as many stakes as you can.
>No clue what the wind might be like around here, and better safe than sorry.
>Speaking of wind, getting a fire going is probably a no-no for tonight.
>The air feels pretty dry and the grass doesn't seem to be doing all that great.
>Even a small fire could probably light the entire place up, especially if it got windy.
>Not lighting a fire is probably a good idea.
>Your stomach growls lightly.
>Fuck, you're kinda hungry.
>The pegasi aren't back yet.
>In fact, there's no sign of them.
>You fish out a bag of beef jerky and some of the hardtack.
>Hardtack, meat, hardtack.
>Literally the most basic of sandwiches.
>Still, calories are calories.
>You roll up the bag and stuff it into the bottom of your pack.
>Don't want ponies getting the wrong idea about you.
>Well, any more than they already do.
>Carnivorism probably isn't as appreciated here given that griffons are probably the only carnivorous species from the show that you remembered.
>Well, the only sapient carnivores, at least.
>You were more curious about the emotivores.
>Sirens, Changelings, Windigos, that kind of thing.
>How the hell did that work?
>Emotions, strictly speaking, are little more than chemical reactions in the brain.
>They shouldn't have any kind of caloric content.
>Oh whatever.
>The answer is probably because magic, that's why.
>The pair of pegasi return, each pushing a white, fluffy cloud.
>Oh yeah, pegasi could do that in the show, couldn't they.
>Well, that settles any issues about sleeping arrangements, you suppose.
>Seeing your tent, Sou'wester and Snowflake both gasp.
>Sou'wester sounds mildly impressed.
>"Anon, the hay is this?"
>Snowflake, on the other hand, is completely fascinated.
>"Woah… it's a portable house!"
>Portable house, that's a good one.
>You chuckle.
"No, no, just a tent. Not even a very big one."
>It's only a two man tent.
>And a backpacking tent at that.
>Honestly, it's only barely long enough for you to sleep in it.
>You roll out your sleeping pad and sleeping bag.
>Snowflake nods.
>"Still, that's a pretty nice tent. If I didn't have a cloud, I'd sleep in it."
"Thanks."
>No, you're not going to invite either of them in.
>They already chose to sleep outside.
>Besides, they look comfortable.
>They literally get to sleep on clouds.
>Can't complain too much, right?
>You, on the other hand, must sleep on the ground.
>You change into pajamas.
>Really just a short-sleeved shirt and fleece pants.
>But hey, it works.
>You wiggle into you sleeping bag, zipping it shut.
>There's something poking your side.
>You reach down into your sleeping bag.
>Oh hey, that's your phone.
>It's in a ziplock bag.
>You forgot you brought it.
>Well, it turns on.
>No reception, of course.
>But you still have sixty-eight percent charge.
>And a solar charger.
>You lower the brightness on the screen and turn on airplane mode.
>No sense wasting the battery.
>Sure, without the internet, it's just a fancy Walkman, but hey, it's something, right?
>Thank god for having roughly all of your music saved on here.
>It's all there.
>Everything from classical to techno, blues to heavy metal, jazz to rock and roll, hip-hop to alternative.
>Hundreds, if not thousands, of hours of human music at your fingertips.
>That's a real nice sight.
>Just a little taste of home.
>You turn off the phone, returning it to its bag and the earbuds to their case before settling down to sleep.

——————————

>Be Corporal Frozen Stream.
>The patrols have continued to run almost uninterrupted for two days now.
>You're certain that there is not a single Timberwolf left in the Whitetail Woods.
>And still, nothing.
>Not so much as a confirmed sighting of the monkey.
>Ivory Justice considered the definite possibility that it had already left the original AO.
>An exchange with the princess later and the AO was expanded to include the entirety of the Whitetail Woods.
>To comb the whole woods might take weeks.
>Who knows where it might be by then?
>Still, you agree that it was the right call.
>Everypony's still in high spirits, there's no danger of supplies running out, and the worst weather planned is drizzles, late next week.
>Honestly, even with the expanded AO, you feel pretty good about this.
>The plan, as it stands is to stay for a week.
>If nothing comes up, everypony heads back to Ponyville, and guards get posted for the Running of the Leaves.
>If something came up, two patrol groups would be sent to apprehend, and, if necessary, vanquish the monster.
>These patrol groups would be given Dragonfire Flasks to ensure speedy communications.
>More than that, though, they would have free reign to travel as a direct royal order.
>Your colleagues simultaneously hoped for and dreaded the prospect.
>On one hoof, it was a very long-term mission, one that could last for moons.
>On the other hoof, you and some of the other guardsponies agreed that such an order would have to be so vague that it would allow the groups that received it to travel just about anywhere within Equestria's borders as long as it could be justified.
>Give and take.
>You are roused from your deliberations by Crystal Charm shouting.
>"Hey, I think I found something, sir!"
>Rapid Charge gallops over to you.
>"Sir, they appear to be hoof prints. They're maybe two days old."
"Let me see them."
>You trot over.
>Definitely hoof prints.
>Not like any you've ever seen, though.
>Long, thin, vaguely oval in shape.
>You're good at tracking things.
>You grew up helping your father track the movements of wolves up north.
>You've never seen tracks like this.
>"Sah," Star Aura asks, "What are they?"
>You turn to your three subordinates.
"Flag down Private Sprint. We've found that dang monkey."
>Rapid Charge salutes, then rushes off.
"Private Aura, get a trace spell going on these."
>Star's horn glows for several seconds before it flickers off.
>She looks up, terror written on her face.
>"Sah, I'm getting nothing. Either the tracks have such a faint signature that I can't pick it up, or they just don't have one."
>What.
"That's impossible. Everything leaves some kind of magical signature."
>"Yes sah. The only logical conclusion is cloaking magic. Very powerful cloaking magic."
>Crystal Charm speaks up.
>"What if it's not though? What if this monkey is something that can hide from magic? Is that a possibility?"
>Star's silence is the only response you need.
>You glance over at her.
"Is that a possibility? Private, answer the question, that's an order."
>"I was really hoping taw avoid that possibility. Because if that's the case, this entire operation was a really, really bad idea."
>That's a cop-out.
>You want a concrete answer.
"Private, answer the question now."
>Star gulps.
>"Hypothetically speaking, yes, sah. There is a small, but definite chance of that."
>Suddenly, the forest seems a lot less safe.
>If the monster can hide itself from magic, it could sneak past the patrols with ease.
>If Rainbow Dash's report was accurate, it could fight off an entire pack of timberwolves on its own.
>With this new revelation, if this monkey is still even in the Whitetail Woods, not only is it armed, but it could attack a patrol group at any time.
>And they'd never even know until it was too late.
>It'd be simple for it to attack without any warning.
>The pieces start to fit together.
>The creature's apparent ferocity and fortitude.
>Its ability to hide itself from detection magic.
>The lack of sightings.
>By Celestia's shining crown and Luna's sparkling mane, the thought was terrifying, to say the least.
>If such a monster reached a city, it could be devastating.
>It was imperative that it be stopped as soon as possible.
>The tracks head north.
>You casually turn your back to the cliff face.
>Better safe than sorry.
>Rapid Charge returns, the pegasus of the group in tow.
>They salute.
>Sprint steps forward.
>"Sir, what do you need?"
"Take a message back to camp. We've found hoofprints that we believe are the creature's. They have no magical signature, leading us to the conclusion that it can hide from magical detection."
>Before Sky Sprint can leave, Rapid Charge speaks up, flagging him off.
>"Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"Granted."
>"Well, if this creature is a predator that can hide from detection magic, then why hasn't it attacked anypony yet?"
>That's actually a really good question.
>"All I'm saying is that over the last two days, it would've plenty of chances to attack somepony. But it hasn't. It just doesn't add up."
>He's right.
>There's no reason why a predator would attack timberwolves and then just vanish for two days.
>Especially if there was so much prey tramping about.
>"I'm starting to think that this monkey isn't nearly as dangerous as we initially thought."
>You nod.
"Private Rapid Charge, that's a very good point. But it is our duty to stop the creature on the off-chance that it is as dangerous as we feared."
>"Of course, sir. We're going after it?"
"Yes. We're going after it as soon as soon as Private Sprint gets here with backup."
>Sky Sprint's ears perk up.
>"I'll be on my way, sir!"
>Sky Sprint shoots off into the air, zipping out of sight.
>You watch him go for several moments before turning back to the tracks.
"Alright everypony, let's see what else we can find here."
>The others salute.
>"Yes sir!"
"Since the creature can hide its traces from detection magic, we'll have to do this the Earth Pony way. Luckily, we've still got a few hours of daylight to burn."
>"What do you mean by the Earth Pony way, sir?"
"Use your eyes, look around. You don't need magic to see."
>Rapid Charge chuckles.
"Alright. Search the area. If you find anything else, call me over."
>It isn't long before Crystal Charm finds something.
>She enters the cave that the tracks lead into and out of.
>Several moments later, she shouts to you and the others.
>"Sir, it looks like something was laying here!"
>You, Star Aura, and Rapid Charge trot over, taking care not to trample out the tracks.
>There is a large indentation in the dust on the cave floor.
"So it does."
>Rapid Charge speaks up.
>"There aren't any signs of a struggle, however, so I don't think anything got attacked. The creature must have dragged whatever was here out and picked it up."
>There are definitely signs of that being true.
>A line, about as wide as the space where whatever was here was extends about halfway out the cave.
>Rapid Charge is really getting the hang of this.
"Huh, you're right. It must've been fairly heavy, too."
>Star Aura looks at you quizzically.
>"How can you tell, sah?"
>You trot out to the cave's mouth, pointing at the hoofprints in the wet clay.
"Look. The tracks coming in are further apart and shallower than the ones going out. Moreover, it's wounded. It's limping with its left hoof."
>Star Aura looks shocked.
>"Really? You can tell that from hoofprints?"
>You can't help but showing off a little.
"Yeah. See, it's dragging its left hoof and putting more weight on its right. These smaller holes probably come from some kind of staff."
>There's not much else you're able to discern.
>Sure, there are some clues, but not as many as you would like.
>As far as you can tell, the creature went into the cave, picked something up, and left, heading north.
>It then traveled along the shore of Lake Winsome, still going north.
>Not much, but probably enough to go off of.
>About half an hour later, Sky Sprint returns with a scroll and a lone pegasus guardsmare.
>He glides down, skidding to a stop just in front of you.
>"Sir, I have returned with Private Gust Wing of the Fourth Platoon's Second Squadron."
>"Corporal Stream, it is an honor. The rest of my patrol group should be along any minute now. As I understand it, you have discovered the monster's hoofprints."
"That is correct, private. They're right over there, leading north."
>The pegasus hops over, inspecting the hoofprints.
>"These are most peculiar."
>She sounds mildly concerned.
>She continues looking them over, circling in mid-air for several minutes.
>Behind you, some bushes rustle loudly.
>Everypony with in earshot stops moving for a moment.
>You spin around, about to draw your spear.
>Two armored guardsponies step out of the bushes, surveying the clearing.
>Both are Earth Ponies.
>They're also near-identical.
>Same green eye color.
>Same dusty red coat.
>In fact, the only difference between the two seems to be their helmet crests.
>"Private Bright Shield," reports the green-crested, left-hoof one.
>"Private Dawn Lance," reports the purple-crested, right-hoof one.
>"At your service, sir," they shout in unison.
>The next Earth Pony follows shortly afterwards.
>He has a pale green coat and muddy yellow eyes.
>"Private Twisting Willow."
>Finally, the last member of the other patrol group emerges from the bushes, wearing the badge of a corporal on a sash.
>He coat is pure white, a red mane pokes out from under his helmet, and orange eyes stare directly at you.
>You look at the other corporal, a unicorn, for a second.
>Your heart sinks.
>Dammit!
>Oh Celestia, why did it have to be him?
>Of all the ponies it could've been, your group got stuck with his?
>You sigh in exasperation.
"Corporal Sun Blitz. A pleasure to see you again."
>You physically can't keep your voice from dripping with sarcasm.
>By the more annoyed than usual grimace on Sun Blitz's muzzle, the feeling is mutual.
>"Corporal Frozen Stream. Having fun romping around in the mud?"
>Arrogant flankhole.
>Already giving you a migraine.
>If it weren't for the witnesses, you would already have trampled his face into a pulp.
>No.
>No.
>Happy thoughts.
>You take a deep breath.
"Alright. These are the facts. The creature is a large, bipedal monkey of significant strength. It was in this forest, and it came through this area sometime in the last two days. It stopped in this cave for an indeterminate length of time to take something heavy. It then carried this item or collection of items out of the cave without dragging them. It is likely wounded and its hoofprints do not have a magical signature, though they are heading north, and continue to follow the shoreline of Lake Winsome-"
>Sun Blitz listens to you explain the situation with severe disinterest.
>When you say that the creature headed north, he interrupts you with a snort.
>"How do you know that? Were you there?"
>Have you mentioned how much you hate that stallion?
"Well I don't see any tracks leading west or south, do you?"
>Ha.
>That showed him.
>Sun Blitz grudgingly concedes the point.
>"Lead on, Corporal."
>You clench your jaw.
>Not going to respond.
>He may be an arrogant, insufferable pile of horseapples in a fancy suit of armor, but you can't let him get the best of you.
"Of course. Follow me."
>First chance you get, you're ditching him and his whole group.
>The.
>First.
>Celestia-praised.
>Chance.
>And buck the consequences.
>The good outweighs the bad by far for getting him to leave.
>You're so busy fuming internally, that you don't notice that it's nighttime.
>At least until Sun Blitz stops you and shouts, almost right in your ear.
>"We'll stay here for the night, then head out in the morning."
>Son of a-
"That's ridiculous though! We don't know how far the creature can get in one night!"
>Sun Blitz scoffs.
>"You said it yourself, the creature isn't dangerous, right? Besides, how far away could it possibly be? What'll a single night be?"
"I never said it wasn't dangerous! It probably is!"
>Star Aura stops you before you can really get started on a rant.
>"Sah, I'm gonna have to agree with corporal Sun Blitz. It'll be easier to track the creature when the sun is out, correct?"
"Yes…"
>You don't even need to look at Sun Blitz.
>You can actually feel him smirking.
>Rapid Charge looks up from pondering the idea.
>"Sir, it would definitely be helpful if we took the chance to rest. That way we won't miss anything due to exhaustion."
>Next, it's Sky Sprint's turn.
>"I agree with Rapid. All that flying has worn me right out."
>Finally Crystal Charm throws her own opinion out.
>"All due respect, but if we're starting a long chase, what difference will a few hours make, sir?"
>Dang, not even one?
>E tu, patrol group?
>You sigh in defeat.
"Alright, fine. We'll start in the morning. As soon as the sun is up."
>"I knew you'd see reason, Corporal Stream."
>Hate that damn son of a mule!
>Hate him!
>Hate him!
>Hate him!

——————————

>Be you.
>You stretch out, dragging yourself out of your sleeping bag.
>good morning equestria.
>You change out of your sleeping clothes.
>Checking your phone, you see that it's just after 6 in the morning.
>The sun isn't quite up yet.
>Good enough time as any to get up.
>You start by packing your sleeping bag back into its stuff sack.
>Once you're satisfied with that, you roll up your sleeping pad.
>You lace up your steel-toed boots, tapping the toes together twice for good luck.
>Your backpack is laying on the grass off the side.
>Standing up, you toss the sleeping bag and pad over towards your backpack.
>It seems like Sou'wester is out, and Snowflake hasn't woken up yet.
>You take out your phone.
>Time to see what works.
>You leaf through the pages of applications, checking to see which ones you can still use.
>As expected, YouTube and all of the web browsers don't work.
>A fair number of games, the notes app, the camera, clock, calendar, and a couple other essentials still function just fine.
>The compass is sort of borked, but the level seems to work.
>Weird.
>Oh hey, what's this app?
>Wikipedia
>You open it for shits and giggles.
>No way it'll work, there's no- holy shit, it's actually able to load a page.
>You open a random page.
>Same result.
>Proudly displayed across the top of the page, underneath the familiar Wikipedia banner are the words 'Sedum Debile.'
>Apparently it's a flowering plant called the Orpine Stonecrop.
>Also apparently, this Wikipedia app works offline.
>Hell.
>Yes.
>That is literally the greatest thing.
>You silently thank past you for downloading the app.
>That should make explaining things easier.
>Battery is still at sixty-eight percent.
>You're so engrossed in looking through your phone that you don't notice Sou'wester until he speaks up.
>"Oh hey Anon, you're up."
>If you remember correctly from the show, pegasi weren't exactly the type to get up early.
>But then again, you could be wrong.
"Yep. How are you doing?"
>He sort-of shrugs.
>At least, you're pretty sure that's the closest quadrupedal equivalent to a shrug.
>"Pretty good. What's that?"
>He points at the phone in your hand.
>You hold it up so he can see it better.
"Oh, this? It's my phone."
>Maybe they have them here?
>"What's a phone?"
>He doesn't know.
>Figures.
>But fair enough.
"It's pretty awesome. If I were back home, I'd be able to talk to just about anyone, anywhere, with the push of a button."
>"How's it work?"
"I don't know. Let's find out."
>You tap the search bar, quickly typing "Cellular Network"
>Skimming through the page, you prepare a quick response.
>Sou'wester's face scrunches up, his ears and wings flattening as he glances furtively around.
>"Hey, Anon, do you hear that?"
>uh oh
"Hear what?"
>"There's a buzzing sound. It's really quiet, but dang that's annoying."
>You listen very closely, holding your breath.
>Beyond the wind rustling through the grass, you can't hear anything.
"I don't hear it."
>You turn off your phone, digging the solar charger out of your backpack.
"By the way, when's sunrise?"
>You can hear the uneasy shrug in Sou'wester's voice.
>"Whenever Celestia gets up. What's that?"
>You pat the back of the solar panel.
"This thing? Oh, just what'll keep my phone working for a very long time."
>"Why do you need it, though?"
"Well, my phone has a tiny battery. It's, uh, something that stores power. And if it runs out of power, then the phone won't work. I want the phone to work, so this turns sunlight into power for my phone."
>Sou'wester looks impressed by the concept of turning light into power.
>"Sweet Celestia, what can't science do?"
>You think about for a few moments.
"Well, we can't raise stars, for one. We also can't really influence weather."
>Sou'wester looks at you with complete disbelief.
>He opens his mouth a couple of times before closing it again.
>brohorse.exe is currently searching for an answer.
>"What do you mean, you can't influence weather and raise stars?"
"We don't need to. Sun rises on its own, and while it might be nice to control the weather, we can deal with most of what nature throws at us. The stuff we can't- it's pretty rare."
>Sou'wester sort of gasps, as if he realized something.
>"Sweet Celestia, your entire planet is an Everfree forest."
>You plug your phone into the solar charger.
>From a low-hanging cloud, Snowflake groans loudly.
>"Urgh… Wazzat humming noise? Make it stop. Giving me a headache."
>Well, they've both complained about it.
>Sou'wester nods.
>"Yeah, the buzzing got worse when you attached your phone to that thing."
>Maybe it's coming from your phone.
>Well, here goes.
>You turn the phone off completely.
>Sou'wester and Snowflake breath an audible sigh of relief.
>That's that solved.
>Conclusion: Your phone buzzes or hums in a manner that annoys the smol horses.
>Noted.
"Sorry about that, I didn't know it did that."
>You really are.
>For the most part, these two are great, and the thought of you making them uncomfortable is not one you relish.
>Sou'wester shakes his head.
>"Don't worry about it, Anon. Didn't mean to, right? We should probably get moving soon."
>You nod in response.
"Yeah, we probably should. Give me a few minutes though. I need to pack up my tent."
>"Sure, sure. Go ahead."
>You take the last couple of things out of the tent before finally taking it down and packing up.
>You look around, checking if you left anything.
"Alright, I'm ready to go."
>Snowflake's ears perk up.
>"Great! Let's get going!"
>As you walk down the path, you notice that there's no wind.
>Well that's odd.
>Probably nothing to worry about.
>The sky is clear, the sun is shining.
>To be honest, it's a really nice day.
>You explain the idea of a phone to Snowflake as best as you can.
>Pretty much the same one you gave Sou'wester.