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Mar 24th, 2021
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  1. This isn't a devrant post really, more like "adjacent to the societal void that all brings us here".
  2. Anyway. This is for you.
  3.  
  4. "Fraud" or "Addiction"
  5.  
  6. Lies are like addiction.
  7. We lie to ourselves.
  8. We lie to each other.
  9. Why can't we just be honest.
  10. Why can't we not be honest?;
  11.  
  12. I don't need it.
  13. I don't need it.
  14. I WANT it.
  15. But I don't want how it makes me feel.
  16. I can't stop. I want to stop.
  17. I can stop. But I don't want to.
  18. Maybe I want to.
  19. But maybe returning means I'm saying yes.
  20. I don't need it.
  21. But obviously some part of me does.
  22. I can stop. I can stop.
  23. I wish I could stop. But lie. Lie to me.
  24. Because the truth hurts too much;
  25.  
  26. Maybe the wanting is in the returning.
  27. Maybe returning makes me want it more.
  28. Maybe I'm just human.
  29. Or maybe I'm weak. evil.
  30. No. All those others who want it are;
  31.  
  32. Maybe it makes me better. Maybe I'm forgiven.
  33. If I hate the others who are addicted too.
  34. If I point and say "YOU are to be blamed!"
  35. "YOU are the shameful ones";
  36.  
  37. Maybe it makes me a hypocrite.
  38. Maybe I can be better.
  39. I can be better. If I want to;
  40.  
  41. But resisting feels like failing, only slower.
  42. And I know I'll always return. Just this once.
  43. Maybe one more time and never again.
  44. Maybe I'll keep some just in case. In case
  45. the animal in me gets hungry. Just to be safe;
  46.  
  47. What would the world think?
  48. Maybe I shouldn't judge myself. Do I deserve sympathy?
  49. Or pity? I'm weak. I'm stuck. I'm moving but
  50. not going anywhere. I can feel it calling me back.
  51. Like the slow low insidious whisper in the back of
  52. my mind, the lurid detail, the pull like subtle
  53. strings;
  54.  
  55. Somedays I'm strong and I don't feel it.
  56. Somedays I want. Somedays I want it.
  57. Lie to me, lie to me.
  58. Somedays I don't want to want it.
  59. Somedays I wish I never had.
  60. Somedays I wish it were illegal.
  61. Somdays I wish it'd kill me and I'd be done with it.
  62. Somedays I try;
  63.  
  64. But always the return. I'll lie to you.
  65. The new fiend, the new fix, the modern blood sucker,
  66. feeding at the gutter of the slaughterhouse, society, a relieved sort shudder
  67. Hating and raging, and consuming the minds of street-dwellers
  68. and the upperclass like equals in slavery, and they love it,
  69. oh but how they love to hate it, the new opium, sedated
  70. lie to me, you got great tits, even though their plastic, you sure can fake it
  71. the new strain, the high that never dies. A parade of
  72. flesh and carnal wonders, needles and soulless plunder,
  73. for a dying piety, all sin permitted, the only sin now
  74. sobriety, but no! the fix killing the void of meaning in our lives,
  75. that fills us with anxiety. For another day.
  76. Neither the dawn brings cold comfort nor the high
  77. its lasting sway. Bombay broadway. Ballet ashtray,
  78. high on rubbernecking massacres and missed birthdays,
  79. eaten like the jackals on the beltway, childs play,
  80. another craven display, modernity and molach, television
  81. the gateway, giving away the soul like foreplay or foulplay
  82. before the alter of neon gods that command like a deadhand, the anonymous
  83. ghosts, the influencers of social media society, "consume, obey!"
  84. bloodless totalitarians make way for the iron-fisted rule of the eternal NOW, this moment,
  85. today, turning you inside out like an x-ray so scientific dictatorship
  86. can replace cattle cars with a valet;
  87.  
  88. And get you to cheer for it in the melee of all comers, all opinions,
  89. voices like noises raised above the static fray of public indecision,
  90. all they talk about is blue and red and terrorism on television
  91. carefully dissecting the public, each new relative 'truth' and historic revision
  92. segmented, cut off, inflaming the division;
  93.  
  94. reduced to atomized individuals aflame, wondering like heathens
  95. at the game, and changing of the political seasons, broke for wisdom celebrating
  96. our cultural lesions, beaten, bleeding, artificial breathing, defamed by slanders
  97. proclaiming the death of reason, histrionic crusaders whipped up by algorithms
  98. and electronic dreams and seeking out enemies to destroy while crying "treason!"
  99. Cancel culture and technology are summoning the demon;
  100. We forgot our humanity, submitted to artificial insanity, a lens that only
  101. showed us evil, colored our world darkly, showed us abominations and said
  102. "this! this is the truth of people!";
  103.  
  104. While whispering lies through electronic screens, advanced propaganda, symbols of evil
  105. and they called it good, and good they called evil, planned from the start,
  106. a new brand of legal, utopians preaching moral relatively like science is a religion to the feeble,
  107. saviors and salvation, scientists become the vicars of a decaying temple and truth becomes unspeakable, culture jamming
  108. damned the multitudes, as a new dictatorship unfolds its wings above the yawning black umbra
  109. of an imperial eagle, whos wings outspread cover the face of God, and cast now sleep upon the
  110. flock, and upon the priests of absolute deceit;
  111.  
  112. The synagogue of fraud.
  113.  
  114.  
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