kat - Today at 8:10 PM
it feels so terrible to not me important in someone's life anymore
to the point where they want to just kick you out
even though she said she would never do that
but right now im just an acquaintance to her
i used to matter so much
but all my emotions just fell apart
and i dont matter to anyone anymore
even the person that i value so much
guess i'm crying again
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:14 PM
I don't know what to do...
kat - Today at 8:14 PM
there's not realy anything you can do, she probably wont change her mind
and i already know how she feels about me now
she hates me, she doesn't care to deal with me anymore because i've become a burden that she doesn't want to handle anymore
and i knew it from the start, i knew this would happen eventually
and it's my fault, my fault for letting my friend find out, my fault for getting too close, my fault that things have to be this way and it's my fault that she's hurting
if i never came into her life, she wouldn't be hurting
all i do is hurt people, and it goes to show
i told you, nothing good comes out of being with me
everywhere i go, i just mess everything up
i dont want just the occasional company and well being
i want to have a shoulder to cry on
i want to be held and loved
i want to be respected for who i am
and i dont want to be hurt
i want to actually feel like i matter
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:19 PM
You can matter
But
Show a little restraint
kat - Today at 8:19 PM
umbra
that's not what i need to hear
restraint doesnt even matter in this
you're missing the point
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:19 PM
Frostdrift - Today at 8:16 PM
she sent me 134 messages since last night when we stopped talking, fluctuating from "im leaving gp" to "do you still love me?" to "i accept you" to "persona 5 animation sucks" to random anime pictures
kat - Today at 8:19 PM
dont you think im trying, umbra
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:19 PM
You are... I'm sure you are... and I really wish I could help
But I just don't know what to tell you that I haven't already said...
kat - Today at 8:20 PM
im just going to give up on trying to vent to you
its not working
and youre just going to put yourself in her shoes only and not mine
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:20 PM
That's not...'
kat - Today at 8:20 PM
yes, it is
this entire time, you've been considering her feelings more than mine
you haven't even bothered to put yourself in my shoes
you haven't even bothered to understand the pain i'm feeling
meanwhile you devote your time to understanding hers, and i am not saying this out of jealousy; if you want to care so much, at least try and understand how it feels on my end
if both of you are just going to humor me like this, then dont even bother
the more i talk to you the more i believe that you don't give a shit about how i feel
to the point where you wont even properly acknowledge it
and now right now i just seem like a nuisance to the both of you
so im going
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:22 PM
Alissa I'm trying here DX
kat - Today at 8:22 PM
im clearly being a fucking nuisance
and you clearly seem more relaxed when you're not dealing with me
so im pushing you out of my life, because apparently i keep hindering both of you guys' patience(edited)
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:23 PM
I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like we've been going in circles constantly..."
kat - Today at 8:23 PM
im a lost cause at this rate(edited)
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:23 PM
Fuck don't say that
kat - Today at 8:23 PM
you know it's true
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:23 PM
Anyone can get back up again
kat - Today at 8:23 PM
you even said we're going in circles
because im just being a bother at this point
both of you are fed up with me and have been for the past two weeks
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:24 PM
fucking hell stop acting like me..."
kat - Today at 8:24 PM
im not even acting like you
im saying what's true
you and snow are both annoyed with me, and you just want me to get out of your lives
if you want that so badly, then just say so
and if you're not going to say it, then im going to do it myself
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:24 PM
But I don't want you out of my life
Can't you frickin' see that?
kat - Today at 8:24 PM
but you know you would be less stressed out if i wasn't here
and the same goes for her
just stop talking to me please
im just going to keep hurting you
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:24 PM
Maybe? Maybe not
But you're a friend
So my decision is to stay here and listen
kat - Today at 8:25 PM
im not letting you do that
you have better people to listen to(edited)
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:25 PM
Nobody is better than anyone
kat - Today at 8:25 PM
i dont care at this rate
i dont want to feel like a bother to you or snow anymore
it just hurts to think about it
so please, leave me out of your life
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:26 PM
tall order(edited)
but no
kat - Today at 8:26 PM
well im going to exit myself
im tired of feeling like a failure and a letdown
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:26 PM
if you can't listen then I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to help you
kat - Today at 8:26 PM
don't say that either
;-;
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:27 PM
I hope there's someone in your life that can provide what you want and need
kat - Today at 8:27 PM
i just dont wanna be alone
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:27 PM
Clearly I can't, and I've failed you
Then don't push people out..."
kat - Today at 8:27 PM
what's going on now is exactly what happened in my other community
but i have to push people out or they'll just get fed up with me
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:27 PM
STOP LIVING IN THE FUCKING PAST
kat - Today at 8:27 PM
please don't yell at me
you guys want so much from me
but i don't think you've ever considered how much pressure you're both putting on me
all this yelling, these demands, spiteful comments, everything(edited)
i can't take it anymore
im just going to go for now i think
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:28 PM
Hn..
okay...
kat - Today at 8:29 PM
please consider that i have my limits too
im getting asked for so much on both ends
i cant just fucking keep up wtih everything
go think about that, will you
im going to go offline for the night, ill see you another time
Umbra Shilly - Today at 8:29 PM
I'm sorry..."
kat - Today at 8:29 PM
dont be
after all, im not the main concern here
and dont switch to offline just because im switched to offline
your friends wouldnt like that