daily pastebin goal
28%
SHARE
TWEET

Anon's lame isekai

Anzamnia98 Aug 12th, 2017 (edited) 88 Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. “Advance”
  2.  
  3. I don’t know about other people, but there were certain words that i liked a lot for some reason.
  4.  
  5. Couldn’t quite put my finger on the reasons why, though. Maybe because of how they sounded, their aestetics when written, or the things they represented?
  6.  
  7. “Broken”
  8.  
  9. Hearing them, saying them, reading them. I enjoyed it, it gave me an exciting feeling of emptiness and wholeness.
  10.  
  11. “Absolution”
  12.  
  13. I tended to speak to myself often, and at times i just felt like saying them, even if they didn’t have anything to do with what the monologue was about, maybe to sound cool or something? ‘SYNERGY! PREACH IT!’
  14.  
  15. Okay, that definitely sounded lame.
  16.  
  17. “Redemption”
  18.  
  19. Some of them brought random images to my head with no coherent relationship, i wonder why? My head always tended to feel like a disorganized mess, guess that may be why my hair was so curly.
  20.  
  21. “Beyond”
  22.  
  23. Anyways, what’s with all of this pointlessly pretentious talk? Actually, why was all of it in past tense?
  24.  
  25. “Regret”
  26.  
  27. Hmmm, i wonder why?
  28.  
  29. “Farewell”
  30.  
  31. Still, I have to admit it.
  32.  
  33. “That ass… Was definitely fat”
  34.  
  35. And so, as i once again idly thought to myself about matters of extreme importance, as if it was just another day in the office, i…
  36. I died.
  37.  
  38. _____________________________________________
  39. CHAPTER 1
  40. The day I woke up from the dream of a nice life in my beloved village
  41.  
  42. The kingdom of ‘something-or-other’. Biggest of the 3 empires located in the continent of ‘whatever’, and as such the one holding the most power.
  43.  
  44. However, when things go south that power doesn’t mean much, and by that i mean when the demon lord awakes and wrecks havoc in the world, with the sole objective of destroying and enslaving the human race.
  45.  
  46. Forced by necessity, the size or relative individual power of those 3 empires didn’t really mean anything, so they put their differences aside and made a temporary alliance to deal with the demon lord.
  47.  
  48. Thing is, the difference of power between the strongest humans and the strongest demons in this world is far too much, so the humans were pretty much doomed.
  49.  
  50. I said ‘were’, because the humans still had a winning card under their sleeve, and that was the arcaic magic arts for summoning a hero from another world, a world with humans strong enough to protect us and beat the demons.
  51.  
  52. All said and done, they summoned a hero, at first people had their doubts about his otherworldly common sense, his weird talks about ‘human rights’ ‘democracy’ ‘technology’, and above all his great aversion to girls’ advances.
  53.  
  54. The locals couldn’t really understand his cultural customs when courting, like the first time one of the many girls that had fallen in love with him tried to seduce him and receive his seed, only to be answered with a blushed face, a flustered scolding and some unexpected sex-ed talk about how ‘proper girls’ had to behave.
  55.  
  56. She had expected him to release his internal beast, and not his internal puritan father.
  57.  
  58. Talks questioning the masculinity and tastes of the guy went on for long until he finally decided to marry someone. By the way, that someone turned out to be the first girl he met, an average girl from an average farming family.
  59.  
  60. Really makes you wonder why would he have gotten a party full of cute female adventurers that fell in love with him if he was going to pick the blandest option anyways, as if it was all decided from the beginning.
  61.  
  62. So, matters about ‘japanese’ (that was the country he said he came from) questionable sexuality aside, the guy was strong, very strong.
  63. Strong enough that he managed to bring down the demon lord and all his lackeys.
  64.  
  65. When he came back he was proclaimed a “hero”, and he was promised to have any of his wishes fulfilled, but for some reason he just wanted to have a quiet live in a random village far away from the trouble of the big cities, arguing about “normality” and what-not, another one of his weird values from another world.
  66.  
  67. After that the guy just sort of disappeared.
  68.  
  69. Of course myths and legends about his glory kept being told, well, when creating false stories it doesn’t really matter whether the guy in question is alive or not.
  70.  
  71. Yeah, his whereabouts became unknown. Or at least that’s how it is for the great majority of people from this world, except a select few. And i am among those.
  72.  
  73. The reason is not very special, it’s just that the guy from the legends, the super famous and extremely powerful hero, Kurohara Ichika, ended up being my father.
  74.  
  75. “Noah! Hey Noah! Nooooaaaaahhh!”
  76.  
  77. Oh, speak of the devil. But sorry sweetheart, right now i don’t feel in the mood to go selling my soul.
  78.  
  79. “Kurohara Noah!”
  80.  
  81. Damn, he called my full name, better reply before the situation gets out of hand.
  82.  
  83. “Yo dad, need anything?”
  84.  
  85. “Not really, just get here, gotta tell you something”
  86.  
  87. Shit, that tone means it’s definitely not just a simple “something”.
  88.  
  89. I quietly went down the stairs, as if hoping that he didn’t sense me, and tried to peek to assess the situation before deciding which course of action to take. Just as my eye poked out just barely from the wall I saw…
  90.  
  91. I saw my dad’s face, right in front of me, with a smile going from ear to ear, mouth barely open and creepily showing just a little bit of his teeth, comically mixed with the eyes of someone that just saw his friend falling ass first into a muddy pond just seconds after telling him to not go near it because it was very slippery.
  92.  
  93. All of which would have been a pretty funny situation for the observer if the friend hadn’t splashed mud all over as he fell, making a mess out of them both.
  94.  
  95. That ephimeral mix of fun, anger, irony and emptiness.
  96.  
  97. Under normal conditions I would have liked to take my time to appreciate all the details of such an unique facial expression as a third person, but unfortunately I was busy trying to control the saking of my legs because that look was directed at me.
  98.  
  99. “Say… Do you know how many pairs do three flies make?” Said the creepy man in front of me.
  100.  
  101. Surprised by the unexpected quiz, I gathered all my wits at once and gave it my all to find a solution to the riddle. I ain’t getting eaten by no sphynx!
  102.  
  103. So how many pairs do three flies make? Huh? How am I even supposed to solve that? Three flies are 3, tres, три, 三つ.
  104. A pair is made out of two, so the logical answer should be one pair plus the unfortunate third wheel, but in that case why would he say “pairS”, as in plural?
  105.  
  106. There just can’t be two pairs with only three units, 1.5 pairs then? Does that make any sense? What does a “pair” mean anyways?
  107.  Could it be as in a “couple” i.e man and woman? In that case how does he want me to guess the flies’ gender? But wait a minute, can I really exclude the posibility of a same-sex couple?
  108.  
  109. I certainly read something about the posibility of homosexuality in flies when they were in a drunk state.
  110.  
  111. From all of this we can conclude with absolute certainty that alcohol is a very scary thing.
  112.  
  113. Hmmm, looks like I went beyond, what was I even trying to figure out at first?
  114.  
  115. “Heeeey Noah! Earth calling Noah!”
  116.  
  117. This voice, my dad? Man, what’s with him today? Pulling me out of another internal deliberation of utter importance…
  118.  
  119. “Come on son, again with that habit of yours of just wandering off into your own world in the middle of a conversation?
  120.  
  121. And then you wonder why you’ve got no friends and no girlfriend. So sad…”
  122.  
  123. “What do you mean by no friends? I’ll let you know I have lots of those, and girlfriends? There are many girls with whom-…”
  124.  
  125. “You do know manga characters don’t count as friends, and specially not as lovers, right?”
  126.  
  127. “Oh, a lecture on how to get a girlfriend from the legendary “impotent hero”? Please enlighten  me, good sir.”
  128.  
  129. “Impot… !? I’ll let you know there’s a bunch of women that would-…”
  130.  
  131. Heh, he got flustered, guess I hit him where it hurts. Those younger years of his must surely have been hard.
  132.  
  133. “Legends about the hero’s deeds made up by some random con don’t count as facts”
  134.  
  135. “Made up!? How can you accuse your kind and innocent father of lying!? I didn’t save the world to receive this kind of treatment! You tell him, honey!”
  136.  
  137. Oh, at some point during our exchange of verbal abuse my mother had come over and was looking at us with a beautiful smile, a smile as if she had gotten that one present she wanted the most for christmas, a smile so bright you had to avert your eyes.
  138.  
  139. And the reason for that smile was in seeing how we competed to see who could hurt the other’s ego the most. Women can be so sweet, and yet so merciless…
  140.  
  141. “Noah, your dad is right. Despite how he looks, he’s not someone worthy of a nickname such as ‘impotent hero’ ” Said mom in a soothing tone, as if intending to share with me a bit of her deep wisdom.
  142.  
  143. “ ’Despite how he looks?’ Y-You could have put it a bit nicer, but thanks a lot hon-!”
  144.  
  145. Interrupting the poor guy as he was just getting done giving her thanks for such a ‘helpful’ intervention, she cut him off right away and continued with the same bright smile, albeit with a slightly evil vibe.
  146.  
  147. “I have experienced it myself, Noah, and I can tell you that ‘impotent hero’ couldn’t ever be enough to make it justice. Objectively speaking, you should call him ‘ultra useless impotent hero overlord x100’ ”
  148.  
  149. Bwahaha, I love this woman.
  150.  
  151. “H-Honey!?”
  152.  
  153. “I mean, no matter what world you came from, you get teleported here, save the world, be offered the greatest treasures and the most beautiful women, all of which you can marry because polygamy is perfectly fine in this world, and you reject everything to pick up the plain farmer girl and come live in a village in the middle of nowhere? There’s definitely something wrong with you, limp-dick.”
  154.  
  155. “Honey…”
  156.  
  157. She said such harsh words, but strangely, her tone didn’t transmit any hostility or resentment. Quite the contrary, actually.
  158.  
  159. “Really, there’s some very fundamental screw loose in that head of yours… And that’s what I love about you the most”
  160.  
  161. “Honey!”
  162.  
  163. Moved by her kind words, my dad who seconds ago looked like a puppy abandoned in the rain regained his composure and jumped straight into his lovely wife’s chest.
  164.  
  165. But right as he was about to land his head inbetween her two feminine assets of considerable size... He was stopped by sharp words said with a very cold tone.
  166.  
  167. “But that same madness made you refuse the money. I married you because I love you, but was there any need to refuse all that gold?
  168. I wouldn’t have asked you to receive it all, was it too much to accept just enough to live comfortably without having to lift a finger for the rest of our lives?
  169.  
  170. Do you think just because I’m from a farming family would have liked to keep plowing fields every day for the rest of my life? You know what passes through my mind every time I pick up the plow?
  171.  
  172. It’s ‘My feet hurt, I’m hungry, this farm sucks, the cicadas are too loud, look at that dipshit of my husband acting as if this was the most enjoyable thing ever, I wish I was at home studying my collection of stamps’ “.
  173.  
  174. “But honey, you already spend most of your time studying your stamps anyways”
  175.  
  176. “What are you even talking about? A woman can never spend too much time studying her personal collection of stamps!”
  177.  
  178. That a fact?
  179.  
  180. After a little back and forth between them, as always, the winner ended up being my mother.
  181.  
  182. Heroes may be able to beat any demon with their fists, but a simple farmer girl can pretty much destroy them with just a couple of words. Perhaps that’s how they fell in love in the first place.
  183.  
  184. Mom decided to go back to her stamps, and then I was left sitting with my seemingly dejected father. He would probably have looked better after a bloody fight with demons than right now.
  185.  
  186. “So dad, what did you even need me for in the first place?”
  187.  
  188. “Hah… Hah…”
  189.  
  190. “Dad?”
  191. Looking again, the guy has this slight blush in his face, and that suspicious panting…
  192.  
  193. Ah man, he flipped his M switch.
  194.  
  195. “Dad, there’s a bunch of moles eating our crops”
  196.  
  197. The man in trance suddenly regained his senses, and I could feel the wave of bloodthirst being emitted by him.
  198.  
  199. It was pretty amazing to think that this guy was the same masochist that got reduced to an ‘ultra useless impotent hero overlord x100’ by his wife’s verbal abuse.
  200.  
  201. “WHO DARES TO ATTACK MY CUTE LITTLE PAPAYAS!? I’M GONNA FUCK THEM UP!”
  202.  
  203. Hehe, what a weird dude.
  204.  
  205. “I was kidding, what did you call me for?”
  206.  
  207. Calming down but yet for some reason still cautiously looking out the window towards the papaya fields, as if to not give even the smallest chance to any potential aggressor, my dad answered.
  208.  
  209. “I got a letter from your school, saying that your grades are falling bellow the average and that I should go speak personally with the teacher. I know you’re pretty smart, so what’s going on?”
  210.  
  211. School, huh?
  212.  
  213. “What are you talking about? My grades for biology and history should be pretty high”
  214.  
  215. “Well, they indeed look good, but why are the rest so low?”
  216.  
  217. “The rest doesn’t interest me”
  218.  
  219. “I get where you’re coming from, I also remember the boring classes and useless knowledge they taught me back in my own highschool, but that doesn’t mean you can just put aside the other subjects.
  220.  
  221.  All science and humanities are related one way or another, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a bit of effort, don’t you think?”
  222. “Nah, don’t wanna”
  223.  
  224. I answered right away, as if to shake his words out of my ears.
  225.  
  226. My dad seemed to notice it, and was silent for some seconds while pondering what to say.
  227.  
  228. “Actually, why do you like those two subjects so much? For starters, why history?
  229.  
  230. To find out more about the heroes.
  231.  
  232. “No reason, I just like it”
  233.  
  234. “And biology?”
  235.  
  236. To find out the reasons behind a hero’s strenght.
  237.  
  238. “Same”
  239.  
  240. I don’t like this sort of conversation, always makes it too awkward for me to say the truth so I just end up pretending to be apathetic.
  241.  
  242. I can’t just come out and say ‘It’s because I admire you so much, and because I want to know more about you and your past’.
  243. My irrational and useless pride wouldn’t let me. I felt a bit at ease, a bit guilty and a bit empty.
  244.  
  245. Giving up in getting a proper answer for me, he just looked at me in the eyes, and in a tone which suddenly made me feel as if I had suddenly fallen in the depths of hell he said.
  246.  
  247. “Okay, I will go talk to the teacher, and you will go and fix your grades. Understood?”
  248.  
  249. His eyes slightly slanted, his pupils contracted, his mouth immobile and the aura of someone that won’t hesitate to bring you down if you try to oppose him.
  250.  
  251. It wasn’t the face of my goofy and masochistic father anymore, it was the face of the hero, Kurohara Ichika, when he was out for blood.
  252.  
  253. “Yes sir”
  254.  
  255. I answered before my brain even processed what he had said. When he showed that face there was no room for discussion, not even for my mother.
  256.  
  257. The face that saw countless demons die by his hands, the face that saw countless allies die by his side.
  258.  
  259. The one that scared me the most, and the one that inspired me the most. The living proof that the legends may not have been made up by con men after all.
  260.  
  261.  
  262.  
  263. __________________________
  264. After our conversation, my dad suspiciously gave me a rather generous amount of money to go out and do something ‘productive’ while he ‘helped mom with her stamps’.
  265.  
  266. I wonder why he looked sort of restless, with his cheeks slightly blushed. I guess he must also love stamps a lot.
  267.  
  268. Now, I’ve got the money, I’ve got the time, now I only need someone to share it with and have fun (totally NOT because walking alone around the village would look sad and make me feel kinda miserable).
  269.  
  270. Luckily, I spotted a group of guys from my class engaging in an everyday game of marbles.
  271. “Yo guys, you playing something?”
  272.  
  273. The tree goofs looked at me, looked at each other, then looked at me again.
  274.  
  275. “Hey Noah, need anything?” Said the one guy in a friendly tone while the other two looked at me skeptically. If I’m not wrong he’s the one I have interacted the most, what was his name again?
  276.  
  277. “You see, José, I’ve got my hands on a little something and I may be willing to share it with you” I said with the kindest smile I could paste on my face.
  278.  
  279. “Who the heck is this José!? My name is Walter! remember it properly damn it”
  280.  
  281. “Okay Willfred, so the thing is-…”
  282.  
  283. “It ain’t Willfred either! How can you get it wrong right after I told you!?”
  284.  
  285. Seems like my friend Wilhelm is getting irritated again for some reason beyond my understanding, what a tough guy to deal with.
  286.  Why does he nitpick so much when it’s obvious that the one I’m addressing is him?
  287.  
  288. I will advice him to go and get some classes in how to properly communicate with people.
  289.  
  290. And then you wonder why people have trouble talking with you…
  291.  
  292. After a little exchange with my colleague Willy, he and his gang of random side characters accepted to tag along with me, the promise of a free meal proving too tempting to ignore.
  293.  
  294.  ‘For money the monkey dances’, once again popular wisdom proved to be of great use in personal relationships.
  295.  
  296.  
  297. ___________________________________
  298. We got found a suitable place and decided to play 2-on-2 basketball, one of the games imported from that parallel world by my dad. Me and Wilberg vs the other couple of mob characters.
  299.  
  300. As always my performance was impeccable, but unfortunately I couldn’t say the same about my comically unskilled teammate.
  301.  
  302. He did give it quite a bit of effort, but sometimes he made me wonder whether we were playing basketball or some sort of screaming contest, taking into account how he kept yelling at me unintellegible gibberish like “stop trying to make 3-pointers if you can’t aim for shit”, “don’t just stand still after throwing the ball, go get the rebound!” or “JUMP dude, J U M P”.
  303.  
  304. Is he okay? I barely broke a sweat but he looks just about to die.
  305.  
  306. “I’m… never playing… a team game… with you… again” Said my exhausted colleague as he desperately gasped for oxygen.
  307.  
  308. There he goes shifting the blame again. But rest assured, I’m not so cruel as to plainly point it out. Feel free to relieve the frustration of those school days of old by pinning the blame of your failures on me.
  309.  
  310.  I would have also grown to hate the world if I was rejected by my crush in front of the whole class in 5th grade. Actually, I’m going to answer his hostility with good intentions.
  311.  
  312. “You constipated? I could give you some papaya from my family’s yard. It will help you get rid of all that accumulated negativity. You will be a new, happy man after you eat it!”
  313.  
  314. Aren’t I so kind?
  315.  
  316. “… Just… Shut… Up…” Said my perishing friend right before going limp, as if dedicating his last words to the cruel shinigami that decided to take him away from this world at such a young age.
  317.  
  318. How strange, he’s been recovering for a while now and yet the more I talk to him the more exhausted he looks.
  319.  
  320. Could it be he suffers from some sort of social anxiety? Fear not, Waldobert. Your old friend Noah will take you to the best psychologist he can find!
  321.  
  322.  
  323.  
  324. ________________________________________________
  325. “So guys, about the meal. How about we eat at my place?” Said Wallace in a merry tone, completely recovered from our little match earlier. I guess he won’t be needing that papaya.
  326.  
  327. True, his family owns the best restaurant in our village. I often pass by because their menu has incorporated some of the recipes brought from the other world by my dad.
  328.  
  329. Contrary to what you may expect, sitting alone in a corner and looking out the window while munching on some balls of takoyaki is great to focus your mind in thinking about matters of extreme importance, such as world peace, analyzing methods to see under girls’ skirts without getting caught, or where does your favorite sock disappear to when your mom washes your clothes.
  330.  
  331. And by favorite sock of course I mean the personal fapping sock every respectable man keeps close by his bed’s side. Hmm, wait a moment...
  332.  
  333. What if the reason for its disappearance was that my mom realized its true identity while sorting out the clothes? But it can’t be, I made sure to roll it up inside the fapping boxers, which at the same time were rolled up into the fapping shorts.
  334.  
  335.  In the worst case I could explain its smell and stickiness saying that I used it to clean a milk spill or something.
  336.  
  337. Every excuse has a coherent follow up explanation, and I’m sure mom would reach a sensible conclusion after analyzing the facts.
  338.  
  339. The plan should have no blind spots, and yet what is this uneasy feeling in my heart?
  340.  
  341. It couldn’t be, did she catch me jerking off without me realizing!? Even though I try to be as stealthy as possible, it’s true that when I get close to cumming my hips start moving on their own and my legs tremble, making the bed emit awkward noises.
  342. Could she have noticed the sound during that ephimeral moment of carnal release?
  343.  
  344. Fuck, so it’s the bed’s fault after all? I should have asked my dad to get me one of those so-called futon before it came down to this.
  345.  
  346. Those treacherous wood planks, you promised me freedom by raising me from the ground level, and turns out you were cause behind my downfall!?
  347.  
  348. Unforgivable, I shall let the punishment rain down thee integrity when I go back home.
  349.  
  350. Thy corpse shall be offered to gods’ messengers (ie trash men) and thy sins shall be atoned by turning your remains into pencils or something.
  351.  
  352. Recycling! What a wonderful thing.
  353.  
  354. It teaches us that even the most worthless piece of trash can find redemption.
  355.  
  356. “Noah! Noahhh!... What’s with this guy?”
  357.  
  358. “Oh, yeah, the restaurant. Prices are decent and the flavor is great. Indeed, it’s the best possible choice. I commend you for your services, Waltraud.”
  359.  
  360.  I said as I was once more pulled out from the unknown depths of my conscience.
  361.  
  362. Only then I opened my eyes, only to realize the one in front of me wasn’t Wandal or one of the two stooges that were tagging along. It was a girl, a girl i knew well, perhaps too well.
  363.  
  364. “Hehehe” The long haired blonde girl in front of me laughed as she made her signature smug face, with her mouth making a small arc on the right side of her face, consequently closing her right eye just slightly more than the left one.
  365.  
  366. Childish, yet seductive enough that you felt the strong primitive impulse of proposing right in the spot.
  367.  
  368. Hold it in, sweet child o’ mine, you can only do such bold movements when you’re assured of the coming victory.
  369.  
  370. “When we talk you’re always so silly, Noah. But at least try to remember my brother’s name properly, okay? His attitude aside, when our dad asks him about his friends he speaks about you the most…”
  371.  
  372. “Iris!? You traitor! You promised to keep quiet!?  A-Actually there’s no way that can be true, she’s just lying!”
  373.  
  374. Argued our poor, shameful Wandalin as he futilely tried to turn time back on the spilled milk. Heh, what a foolish scrape of a man.
  375.  
  376. “You basically admitted it before backpedalling spectacularly in the same phrase. Brother, oh my sad, pitiful brother, did your brain melt down together with whatever was left of your dignity?”
  377.  
  378. Said iris in a dramatic tone with a the back of her right hand positioned on her forehead, and her left arm extending to the side in a perfect 45° angle, giving off a sensation as if the humble dinning locale had become the stage of a theater play.
  379.  
  380. Damn, she’s good.
  381.  
  382. Seeing Woodrow with his face looking like a red mixed mess of shame, anger and the desire to dig a hole and plant his head on it.
  383.  
  384.  I decided to fulfill my duty as a law-abiding citizen and use my daily good deed to help his soul find some amidst this merciless world.
  385.  
  386. I carefully selected my words, adjusted my tone accordingly, plasted a perfect business smile on my face, then approached him with the most positive of attitudes and told him:
  387.  
  388. “So, should I get you some papayas after all?”
  389.  
  390.  
  391.  
  392. _________________
  393.  
  394. “So here are your orders, if you need anything just call me!” Said Iris with her well-trained waiter smile. I know it’s false, I understand it perfectly, and yet I can’t stop my heart from skipping whenever I see it.
  395.  
  396. While such thoughts wandered around my mind I watched her retreating back as she went towards another table.
  397.  
  398. Hoh, she bent to pick something up. Mental picture taken aaand saved. What a nice ass she’s got.
  399.  
  400. “Dude, stop oogling at Walter’s sister like that, the guy is sitting right next to you.” Pointed out one of the hang-ons. Fool, you should just keep quiet and remain a part of the interior decoration.
  401.  
  402. “Whatever could you be talking about? I definitely wasn’t looking at her. Nope. Not at all. Absolutely not. Zero.”
  403.  
  404. “Man, even the methods you use to hide your embarrassment are weird” Said hang-on #2.
  405.  
  406. Guh, what’s with these guys? Are they conspiring to bring me down from my position as a main character? Sure, i’d like to see you try, you nameless doormats.
  407.  
  408. I’ll let you know a despair akin to that of biting more than you can chew in the middle of a date and suffering as you internally debate whether you should spit it back in your plate or foolishly try to chew on it until it becomes small enough to swallow.
  409.  
  410.  I’ll let you in on a secret, no matter what you pick you’re not going on a date with that girl ever again. If you want to blame someone blame your own worthlessness.
  411.  
  412. “Say Walter, why aren’t you telling him off? It’s your sister, you okay with this guy looking at her like that?”
  413. So you decided keep challenging me, you foolish parasite?.
  414.  
  415. That steak of yours looks quite appetizing, it would be a shame… if some jerk bathed it in the ultra spicy jalapeño sauce of the house while you weren’t looking.
  416.  
  417. Yep, a great shame. Ha ha ha.
  418.  
  419. “Well, taking into account that both monogamy and polygamy are socially accepted, she can pretty much do anything she wants.
  420.  
  421. And first of all, do you seriously even think she would pick this guy? My sister may be clumsy, but definitely not stupid”
  422.  
  423. Et tu, Watson?
  424.  
  425. “But you know, I’ve been peeking on her and while you guys were talking she seemed to pay special attention to this table, sneaking peeks at every chance. What if she actually likes him?”
  426.  
  427. H-Hang-on #2! I knew I could count on you! I’ll treat you to some tiramisu later.
  428.  
  429. “Nah, no way” Replied Mr. big brother “It’s more likely she’s doing that out of caution, disasters tend to happen whenever this guy is around”
  430.  
  431. “True dat” Replied both of our fellow mob characters at unison.
  432.  
  433. “So you asses have really come together to take me down, huh? Very well, i was thinking it was just about time to discipline this cheeky herd.”
  434.  
  435. I challenged them, making the gesture of taking out a globe and throwing it at them to symbolize the call to a sacred duel.
  436.  
  437. Now only one of us four is going to come out alive. I shall feast on thy blood.
  438.  
  439. “Whoa dude!”
  440.  
  441. “Geh”
  442.  
  443. “Oh man…”
  444.  
  445. Huh? What’s with that reaction? Did something happen?
  446.  
  447. I looked at the table, only to find my strawberry shake laying sideways in an awkward position, with its content splattered all over our food and Wallerian’s clothes.
  448.  
  449. Who could have been the dullard that made this mess?
  450.  
  451. *stare*
  452.  
  453. W-Why are they looking at me like that?
  454.  
  455. *staaaaare*
  456.  
  457. Okay okay I get it it’s my fault, please don’t look at me with those eyes! Anything but the judging eyes! My self-steem is not as tough as it looks.
  458.  
  459. During the course of this arduous mental strength battle hang-on #1 looked quite happy that he reacted on time and was the only one who managed to protect his precious steak from the wild milky spillings.
  460.  
  461.  And thus, just as he was about to dig in his well earned spoils of war…
  462.  
  463. “What the fuck, why is my steak swimming in this pool of jalapeño sauce!?”
  464.  
  465. We may have been borns at different times and in different places, but when we die we die together.
  466.  
  467.  
  468.  
  469. ____________________________________
  470.  
  471. After apologizing to the best of my abilities to Iris (Ahhhh, I kinda feel like dying right now) and parting with the three walking sources of disgrace.
  472.  
  473. I decided to go back home as my monthly quota of social life activities has been seemingly filled.
  474.  
  475. Definitely the best moment of going outside is the moment when you come back to your good ol’ room, your good ol’ bed and your good ol’ fapping sock.
  476.  
  477. I can’t understand travellers, whenever I’ve been away from home i’ve gotten tired of the “adventure” within 48 hours.
  478.  
  479. You can learn about anything you want by reading, foreign places are no exception.
  480.  
  481. As for what is not known yet you will be okay as long as you have a research subject around. In my case that would be my dad, so I may as well just stay here and take it easy for the rest of my life.
  482.  
  483. Being reminded that I still have to fill my afternoon quota of ‘impotent hero teasing’ by my idle thoughts, I kept walking.
  484.  
  485. Then, something came to my attention, it was a small, square paper laying in the floor, right in the main street of our village.
  486. Well, you may call it “main street” but in such a remote place barely any carriage passes by, so it’s pretty much a pedestrian path like any other, just a bit wider.
  487.  
  488. I went and picked up the little paper. Heh, my eyes didn’t deceive me, it’s a stamp. A pretty rare looking one actually.
  489.  
  490. I never saw such an intrincate design, and it… Shines? Wow, seems like it’s decorated with red glitter. I’m sure mom will like it.
  491.  
  492. “-ul!”
  493.  
  494. Hm? Didn’t mom say that all women loved stamps? That indeed seems to be the case, could it be that Iris also likes them? I never asked her about it.
  495.  
  496. “-areful!”
  497.  
  498. Maybe if I give it to her as a present she will forget about today’s shenanigans? But wait, could I just give her such a rare stamp?  
  499. My mom’s birthday is coming soon, and this could be a great present.
  500.  
  501. “-of the way!”
  502.  
  503. What do I do, my mom or my future wife(lol)? The breasts that fed me during my youth, or the ass that will get me through my adulthood?
  504.  Mmhm, Iris’ ass… I still have that fresh, juicy mental picture.
  505.  
  506. “Out of the waaaaaaay!”
  507.  
  508. What’s with that random guy saying gibberish for a while now? Just when I was remembering that fat ass.
  509.  
  510. *gasp*
  511.  
  512. Could it be Waldemar again? Better snap out of it, in case Iris is with him.
  513.  
  514. “JUUUMP”
  515.  
  516. Is this guy going on about the basketball game again? You foolish mortal, you only have yourself to blame.
  517.  
  518. That’s what was going through my mind at the exact instant I opened my eyes and came back to reality.
  519.  
  520. But how strange, even though I opened my eyes, even though I supposedly came back, something is not quite right with the picture I’m getting.
  521.  
  522. There’s this huge carriage coming at me at full speed, just a couple of meters in front of me. And I’m standing right in the middle of its expected trajectory.
  523.  
  524. How strange, it hit me that I should quickly jump out of the way, like right now, but for some reason my body is not moving, as if completely frozen on its place.
  525.  
  526. Ah, I guess it’s too late anyways, I have been seeing all of this in slow motion for a while, but the carriage is indeed a just couple of centimeters away from impact.
  527.  
  528. Dad
  529. Mom
  530. Iris
  531. Walahfrid
  532. Mob characters
  533.  
  534. Iris’ ass… That sweet juicy ass. If I focused enough on my mental picture I could even make out the shape of her underwear.
  535.  
  536. “That ass… Was definitely fat.”
  537.  
  538.  
  539. _______________________________________
  540. CHAPTER 2
  541. Dear diary, today i met a homeless person.
  542.  
  543.  
  544. “Yo kid, wake up already!” Said a shaddy-looking old man as he emptied a huge bucket of ice-cold water over some poor fool’s head.
  545.  
  546. Wait… It’s MY head!
  547.  
  548. “H-Huh? Who’s this homeless-bum-looking dude? I ain’t got no alms”
  549. Those were the first words I said after the rough awakening.
  550.  
  551. Strangely, rather than complaining about his crude water assault, I was more struck by the landscape around me.
  552.  
  553. A little room. Or it should be better to describe it like some poorly improvised living quarters. Trash laying around here and there, a bonfire and a pot above it in what looks like a rustic attempt at a stove, and a bunch of leaves and cardboard laying in a corner. Is that… a bed?
  554.  
  555. The dreadful state of the room aside, in front of me stood an old man with an equally as dreadful look: dead fish eyes, clothes full of holes and patches, long and unkept hair. I thought I died, why did I appear in the middle of some ghetto junkie’s room?
  556.  
  557. “Ah!? Who are you calling homeless bum!? Do you even know how many thousands of churches exist around the world!? All of them are technically homes for me”
  558.  
  559. “Well, I guess for a homeless bum in seach of someone to leech from a church may pretty much look like a summer house, but…”
  560.  
  561. “I didn’t mean it in that sense! They literally exists to venerate me!”
  562.  
  563. “Look, I feel for you. We all have our days when we want to just throw everything away and live the rest of our lifes leeching off from the system. But don’t you think you’re being a little bit too conceited?
  564. Saying they exists to venerate you and all… Honest people will get mad”
  565.  
  566. “Why do you keep misinterpreting my words like that!? The system, you say? I AM the system! I’m the one that keeps it moving!”
  567. Said the old man, his face looking more twisted the more he talked to me.
  568. Could it be that he has some sort of social anxiety? That could very well be the reason of his likely failure at job interviews.
  569.  
  570. “Hoh, such bold assertions from some unemployed bum that most likely doesn’t contribute a single cent in taxes.”
  571.  
  572. “Enough! Just shut up for a second, will you!?”
  573.  
  574. Seemingly fed up with my humble observations, Mr. homeless bum decided to call for a break as he caught his breath.
  575.  
  576. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you too much."
  577.  
  578. I decided i should show a bit of empathy towards his dire economical situation.
  579.  
  580. "But don’t lose faith" I continued: "Did you know that if you recycle it correctly, even the most worthless piece of trash can become useful?"
  581. "Oh, but I definitely didn’t try to implicitly call you trash or anything like that. Nope. Not at all. Absolutely not. Zero”
  582.  
  583. “…”
  584.  
  585. The frustrated old man just decided to keep silent as he scowled at me. I guess no matter how empty his wallet may be, the wisdom earned through decades of living is still present.
  586.  
  587. “So, leaving that aside, don’t you have anything else you want to ask about?”
  588. Impressive, he recovered pretty fast. I expected him to dwell and suffer on the fact that he is a dead weight for society for a bit more.
  589.  
  590. “Hmm, let’s see, how about you get me a towel and a change of clothes? I would like to keep insulting you as payback for throwing that cold water at me, but I don’t feel my fingers anymore.”
  591.  
  592. “How about adding a ‘please’ here and there? Didn’t your parents teach you to be respectful to the elderly?” Replied the old man, seemingly unable to let go of any chance to challenge my humble attitude.
  593.  
  594. “Didn’t yours teach you to not throw buckets of water at the young? Our immune systems are quite fragile, you know?”
  595.  
  596. “Tch, whatever.”
  597.  
  598. Haha, he gave up.
  599.  
  600. “But making you new clothes will be too much of a hassle, so I’m just going to dry you up together with your current attire” Said the old man in an apathetic tone.
  601.  
  602. What is this guy talking about? ‘Making new clothes’? Also, it’s going to take too long if we just wait for it to dry naturally. Does he want me to die from hypothermia?
  603.  
  604. But before I could even ask about the meaning of his words, the old bum snapped his fingers and suddenly some strange light surrounded me, and it felt… Warm? What is this? Is he some sort of street magician?
  605.  
  606. Then, in a quite unbelievable manner, the light disappeared and so did all the cold humidity on me.
  607.  
  608. I touched my shirt and my pants again, took off my shoes and turned them to the side to see if any water would drip out.
  609.  
  610. It was really as if all the water molecules just faded away in a blink.
  611.  
  612. “I… This…”
  613.  
  614. I was speechless, magic is something perfectly normal where I am from, and I know about fire magic, as I’m able to cast fireballs, each the size of a fist.
  615.  
  616. But there’s no way the fire magic I know of could be used to instantly dry up clothes without burning them and the person wearing them in the process.
  617.  
  618. There’s definitely something very suspicious about this old bummer, I have to be very careful with what I say next…
  619.  
  620. “Hey old man, that trick was pretty good, but I believe I told you already that I ain’t got no alms.”
  621.  
  622.  
  623. __________________________________________________________________
  624. After another short and amicable exchange between me and the old swindler I came to know that my wrinkly-faced friend right here is supposed to be… Well…
  625.  
  626. “Man, I definitely wouldn’t believe that god actually looks like a random inhabitant of the streets unless I saw it in person”
  627. I shared my first impressions after the big reveal.
  628.  
  629. God. A supreme existence that goes beyond human understanding. Omnipotent, omnipresent. The one and only creator of humankind and the universe itself.
  630.  
  631. And… A shaddy old bum that sleeps in a bed of leaves and cardboard.
  632.  
  633. Heh.
  634. Hehe.
  635. AHAHAHAHAHAHA
  636.  
  637. Damn, I can’t. I just can’t. Will he erase my existence if I laugh out loud in his face? Is this one of those so-called tests of faith that god is said to be so fond of?
  638.  
  639. “I’m surprised. Most people choose either to remain in denial or to aknowledge me and start treating me with utmost respect and reverence. But you just accepted it and kept acting perfectly normal”
  640.  
  641. Indeed, the concept of god is something deeply ingrained in any human being’s psyche, in a way, you could consider him the greatest legend, overcoming both heroes and demons. So most people would react that way.
  642.  
  643. As for me, I had my sources.
  644.  
  645. “It just happens that I’m the son of a reincarnated hero, so he had already told me about his encounter with the ‘bum god’, dirty room and non-existent sense of fashion included”
  646.  
  647. “A reincarnated’s…? So you are Kurohara’s son?”
  648.  
  649. I nodded my head in affirmation, I guess his memory is not as bad as his living conditions.
  650.  
  651. “Kurohara Ichika, huh? But wait, wasn’t he an ‘ultra useless impotent hero x100’, and a masochist to boot? How come his son ended up with such a sharp tongue?”
  652.  
  653. Oh dad, even the gods are aware of your sexual inadequacies…
  654.  
  655. “It’s not that suprising if you think about it. An extreme masochist will most likely take an extreme sadist as a partner.”
  656.  
  657. I pointed out the logical conclusion.
  658.  
  659. “Ha Ha Ha”
  660.  
  661. For the first time, the old bum (or should I say godly bum?) let out a dry laugh.
  662.  
  663. “Seems like he managed to give a good use to the new chance at life I gave him, it’s so moving to see your little reincarnated grow up.”
  664.  
  665. Those words exuded tenderness and nostalgia, as if he was talking about a son of his own.
  666. Actually, we indeed are technically supposed to be his children. Should I start calling him bum grandpa?
  667.  
  668.  
  669. ___________________________________________
  670. After talking a bit about how my dad's life turned out after his appearance in a parallel world, the time for carefree exchanges with god had to come to an end.
  671.  
  672. It was time to deal with the most serious issue.
  673.  
  674. “So, having gone through the presentations, I think we should get to the main question…”
  675.  
  676. The air froze.
  677.  
  678. “Did I...”
  679.  
  680. The words got stuck in my throat.
  681.  
  682. “Did I die?”
  683.  
  684. All the friendly banter was a cover.
  685.  
  686. An excuse to burn time.
  687.  
  688. The moment to ask the question that bothered me the most had come.
  689.  
  690. The uncomfortable sensation creeping on the back of my head since I woke up in this room.
  691.  
  692. A question whose answer I already knew, but I still needed confirm it to remove any remaining bit of uncertainty…
  693. And to remove any remaining bit of hope.
  694.  
  695. “Yes, you died”
  696.  
  697. Such were god’s words, said in an unexpectedly solemn tone.
  698. A tone that didn’t match at all with his looks, but felt oddly representing of his true self.
  699.  
  700. Yes, I died.
  701.  
  702. A short answer to a short question. Just a couple of words, a little group of syllables, a small bunch of letters.
  703.  
  704. It was so simple, it was really just that.
  705.  
  706. But its weight brutally crushed my heart.
  707.  
  708. My breath became agitated.
  709.  
  710. ‘I won’t be able to eat mom’s pankakes anymore’
  711.  
  712. My pulse became erratic.
  713.  
  714. ‘I won’t be able to plow the fields with dad anymore’
  715.  
  716. My head started to throb.
  717.  
  718. ‘I won’t be able to see Iris smile anymore’
  719.  
  720. Tears started to fall uncontrollably from my eyes.
  721.  
  722. ‘I won’t be able to laugh with Walter and the guys anymore’
  723.  
  724. I want to run. My legs are motionless.
  725. I want to scream. My throat feels stuck.
  726. I want to wipe my tears. They won’t stop.
  727.  
  728. I don’t want to be here anymore.
  729.  
  730. I don’t want to be myself anymore.
  731.  
  732. As I experienced for the first time in my life the extreme feeling of loss that accompanies a heartbreak, god started to approach me as he said:
  733.  
  734. “I have seen lots of dead people. People who die filled with regrets. People who die filled with hate. People who filled with love.”
  735.  
  736. He stood in front of my already soulless body.
  737.  
  738. “Among those, which type do you think suffers the most when confronted with the reality of their own death?”
  739.  
  740. I didn’t listen to anything he said. The words definitely entered through my ears, but I just couldn’t make out their meaning.
  741.  
  742. “The ones that die filled with love”  He continued.
  743.  
  744. My legs couldn’t take the trembling anymore and just collapsed under the weight of my body
  745.  
  746. “You must have really loved your life and the people around you.”
  747.  
  748. I was looking somewhere, probably at the floor.
  749. I wasn’t able to make up a coherent picture of reality anymore, but I’m sure I saw a puddle, a puddle created by the tears falling from my eyes.
  750.  
  751. “And I’m sure… That they also loved you back.”
  752.  
  753. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
  754.  
  755. A scream.
  756. Dry. Hysterical. Hoarse.
  757.  
  758. The only fitting melody to accompany the end of my beloved life.
  759.  
  760.  
  761. ____________________________________________________
  762. Chapter 3: Did you know? Gods have a terrible sense of three dimensional orientation
  763.  
  764. “Say dad, don’t you miss your world?”
  765.  
  766. The 8 years old me asked a follow-up question, in the middle of another of those sessions where my dad told me stories about his life before he was transported to this world.
  767. It was perhaps insensitive and even a cruel question, considering he wouldn't be able to go back there even if he wanted.
  768.  
  769.  
  770. “Japan, huh?”
  771.  
  772. Said my father, as he looked back into that dusty but never forgotten corner of his heart. The one where he kept his memories from his original world.
  773.  
  774. Tightly, but also dearly sealed away.
  775.  
  776. “I do” Kurohara Ichika gave me his answer with unexpected resolution.
  777.  
  778.  “No matter how many years pass, no matter how happy and successful my current life may be, I can’t help asking myself ‘What if?’ questions every day.” He continued
  779. "I want to see them again. My mother. My father. My sister. My friends... I really do."
  780. He did a short pause.
  781. "The desire to see them and the absolute certainty that I will never be able to will probably… No, definitely weight down my heart as long as it keeps beating”
  782.  
  783. He was clearly, deeply hurt.
  784. I had seen my father come back from battles all worn down, with new cuts spread all over his old scars, all alone and covered in blood.
  785.  
  786. But never before had I seen him in such a vulnerable state.
  787.  
  788. In front of me there wasn’t a hero anymore, there was a sorrowful man full of regrets and melancholy. A man with a wound deep inside, one that not even the strongest magic could ever heal.
  789. I, too, felt sad to see the father I admired so much in that pitiful state.
  790.  
  791. “If… If you could see them again… What would you tell them?”
  792.  
  793. Even as an immature kid I knew i was being insensitive.
  794.  
  795. But the question just escaped my lips.
  796.  
  797. “ ‘Thank you’ and ‘I love you’ “
  798.  
  799. He answered without any hesitation.
  800.  
  801. “If I could… If I could just have told them those two things… I may have been able to forgive myself for leaving them behind.”
  802.  
  803. Just saying a couple of phrases would have been enough.
  804.  
  805. What crushed his heart was the weight of his guilt.
  806.  
  807. He had never told them what he wanted to say the most.
  808.  
  809. And now... He wouldn't ever be able to do it.
  810.  
  811. From that exchange i reached a firm conclusion:
  812. I would never want to experience a pain like that.
  813.  
  814.  
  815.  
  816. _____________________________________________
  817.  
  818. “Yo kid, wake up already!” Said a shaddy-looking godly bum as he once again emptied a huge bucket of ice-cold water over my head.
  819.  
  820. “So cold… ”
  821.  
  822. Those were the only words I could squeeze out of my teared up throat.
  823.  
  824. “You actually cried yourself to sleep. You don’t see that often”
  825.  
  826. “Is that so…”
  827.  
  828. “Where did all your energy go, kid? By now you should have already made some hurtful comment about my modest room or my humble appearance”
  829.  
  830. “Is that so…? Sorry…”
  831.  
  832. “Your dad also got quite the shock when he came here, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as yours”
  833.  
  834. “Dad…”
  835.  
  836. I felt the tears pooling on my swelled up eyes again.
  837.  
  838. “But you see kid, there’s no reason for you to be so sad”
  839.  
  840. No reason?
  841.  
  842. I lost everything I had.
  843.  
  844. I wouldn’t be able to see my loved ones ever again.
  845.  
  846. So what, are you going to tell me I will be now reincarnated in some parallel world with some overpowered ability and a harem of big assed girls?
  847.  
  848. Do you think that’s going to be enough to ever forget this pain piercing my right through heart like a knife right now?
  849.  
  850. “But… I…”
  851.  
  852. I’m such a mess.
  853.  
  854. Even though I’m so angry, even though I want to lash out at somebody. I’m just sitting immobile, wallowing in my own sadness, unable to say a word without feeling the tears cloud my vision.
  855.  
  856. “You can go back to your world”
  857.  
  858. A serene and serious voice instantly took me out of that pit of sorrow.
  859.  
  860. “G-Go back? But that’s…”
  861.  
  862. It didn’t sound like he was deceiving me or trying to cash in on my suffering, but I still had trouble believing what I just heard.
  863.  
  864. “You can.”
  865.  
  866. I remained silent, implicitly urging him to continue.
  867.  
  868. “Usually it’s impossible, as in the case with your dad. Because once your soul is separated from your body in one world it’s impossible to reattach it.
  869.  
  870. When someone’s soul is sent to this room after death, I can give that soul a new recipient for its reincarnation, the only condition being that you can’t be recreated in the same world.
  871. Such is the divine law that Gods must follow to keep the balance of the universe.”
  872.  
  873. Quite a simple explanation, but he still didn’t get to the point that interests me the most.
  874.  
  875. “And you’re saying I’m an exception to that rule?”
  876.  
  877. “Exactly. You remember this?”
  878.  
  879. He flipped his fingers and on his hand appeared that red glitter stamp I found moments before my death.
  880.  
  881. “This stamp is the reason”
  882.  
  883. Okay, now you sort of lost me.
  884.  
  885. “This is not your average stamp. In fact, it’s something that shouldn’t have ever fallen into anyone’s hands. It’s imbued with a very special magic that is beyond my understanding”
  886.  
  887. Indeed, I also felt that stamp was definitely out of ordinary when I found it. What kind of secrets may lie hiding behind its shiny glitter?
  888.  
  889. “Basically, thanks to this stamp you were teleported to this room barely seconds away from the separation of your body and soul. Normally only the soul of the dead person comes here, but in your case your body came together with your soul”
  890.  
  891. “But you said I died!”
  892.  
  893. “That’s true. For all definitions of the word the fact that you turned up here means that you’re ‘dead’, but for some unexplainable reason you kept your original body intact”
  894.  
  895. I see, according to the divine law a dead person can’t return to his own world because he lost his original body.
  896.  
  897. But if I managed to keep mine then I just be sent back, body and soul together.
  898.  
  899. “So what are we waiting for? Send me back alrea-…”
  900.  
  901. “Unfortunately, it’s not going to be that easy”
  902.  
  903. Seemingly having predicted my suggestion, god cut me off decisively.
  904.  
  905. “I already told you, the divine law is absolute. And a case like yours is something that goes against it”
  906.  
  907. It can’t be, is he going to kill me, even after I miraculously recovered my hope of going back home?
  908.  
  909. I can’t let him, but what can I do against a god? Should I pick some sand from the ground and thow it to his eyes? Maybe I could throw a silver coin and run away while he is distracted. A bum of his level would definitely jump right after it.
  910.  
  911. “I get the feeling you’re thinking something very rude right now, but rest assured, I won’t do anything to you”
  912.  
  913. He told me that just as I was about to execute my carefully elaborated escape strategy, I guess you won’t be getting any alms today either, my homeless friend.
  914.  
  915. “Your existence contradicts the law, but I can’t punish you because it wasn’t your fault.”
  916.  
  917. “But even if I wanted to, I can’t send you back to your world right away. The divine law doesn’t allow me to send a soul right back to its original world. The movement of souls must always follow a straight line from one world to another.”
  918.  
  919. “You kept your original body, so it’s possible to eventually send you to your original world, but right now I can only send you to a different one.”
  920.  
  921. So that’s the catch. Like my father, I will be sent to a different world. The only difference is that i will be able to come back.
  922.  
  923. That still sucks, but…
  924.  
  925. “I…”
  926.  
  927. Damn, my throat still hurts too much.
  928.  
  929. “Thank you… Thank you so much…”
  930.  
  931. Even though I should have cried enough to fill a pool and the bags under my eyes were still painfully swelled up, a pair of tears managed to escape from each of my eyes.
  932.  
  933. “That Kurogane sure raised a crybaby. And you call yourself the son of the legendary hero that saved the world?”
  934.  
  935. “You shouldn’t spew so much bullshit, old man. Those dark yellow teeth of yours look like they could fall at any moment.”
  936.  
  937. I wiped my tears, and finally found the strenght to reply to god’s attempt to make fun of me.
  938.  
  939. “Ha Ha Ha! That’s more like it.”
  940.  
  941. There it is again. That drawn out and dry laugh.
  942.  
  943. But for some reason it was pretty contagious. Before I realized I was also smiling.
  944.  
  945. An honest, relieved smile.
  946. I can go back. No, i'll definitely go back.
  947.  
  948. _____________________________________________________
  949.  We discussed the details of my “reincarnation”. I would be sent to the same world my dad had come from, but I would be assigned an extremely important mission.
  950.  
  951. I had to search for a glitter stamp, like the one that I found before dying. According to the old bum, if there was one in my world it means that there's going to be one in the other.
  952.  
  953. Meanwhile, god would investigate their magic and try to find out who was the one that created it, as he was unable to leave his little pigsty room.
  954.  
  955. Once I found it, I should be able to use them to teleport back to this room, and ask god to take me back to my world.
  956.  
  957. Seems like our friend, the illegal stamp maker is making god very worried, as the old man kept going about the “dire consequences of breaking divine law”, “world’s end” and some other similar stuff.
  958.  
  959. I should help him relax, when I go back to my world I will refer him and Waldek to the best psychiatrist a can find.
  960.  
  961. As a help to adapt better to the other world, god will embed in my brain an auto-translator for the main languages, and another condition was that a seal must be placed on me to limit the amount of magic I can use.
  962.  
  963. According to god and what my dad told me, magic doesn’t exist in that world, so it’s a shame but I won’t be able to just cast fireballs and throw them to whoever dares to mess with me.
  964.  
  965. You can’t let those city boys get away with poking fun at you for being a farmer from the countryside, so you must be ready to strike back by setting their hair on fire or something.
  966.  
  967. Such insolence shall earn you the punishment of suffering the infernal flames as they consume thy own flesh. The only one allowed to bully the weak is no one other than me.
  968.  
  969. Hmm, if I become good friends with god would he let me work as the gatekeeper of hell? Chasing evil-doers around with a trident sounds like a nice way to spend your afterlife.
  970.  
  971. “Say old man, if we all reincarnate when we die then does that mean that there’s no afterlife?”
  972.  
  973. “Well, I guess it won’t hurt telling you.
  974.  
  975. Only a limited number of people are allowed to reincarnate, the souls of the rest indeed go to what you may call the ‘afterlife’”
  976.  
  977. “That a fact?”
  978.  
  979. “Yes, the main condition to be elegible for reincarnation is that you must have died and unnatural death before your time had run out”
  980.  
  981. So that’s how it is, my dad said he died when some sort of vehicle ran him over after all.
  982.  
  983. “I think it’s time for me to send you over, if you stay too much time here your soul may get trapped in the limbo”
  984.  
  985. You good-for-nothing old bum, you should have said that sooner.
  986.  
  987. As I was mentally voicing my complaints, he flipped his fingers again, and suddenly the walls of the bum’s little room were replaced by… clouds?
  988.  
  989. Strong wind started to hit me right in the face.
  990.  
  991. “W-Why are we suddenly flying? I-I’m sort of bad with heights you see…“
  992.  
  993. The only thing remaining was the floor, it was as if we were standing in a magic carpet or something. Quite a view, I guess that explains why magic carpets are so expensive.
  994.  
  995. “What? We’re barely a couple of hundred meters above ground”
  996.  
  997. Said the old man with a carefree tone.
  998.  
  999. “WAAAAAAAH! GET ME DOWN GET ME DOWN GET ME DOWNNNNN”
  1000.  
  1001. I guess there was no more room for playing cool, I was pretty close to shitting my pants.
  1002.  
  1003. “Sure thing”
  1004.  
  1005. And after that quick answer, the old fool just kicked me out of the safety of our improvised floating device.
  1006.  
  1007. “YOU MOTHERFUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I’M DYING! I’M GOING TO DIEEE! WAAAAAAHHH!”
  1008.  
  1009. “Heh, a crybaby to the end.”
  1010.  
  1011. And so, I made my heroic arrival to the parallel world.
  1012.  
  1013.  
  1014. ___________________________________________________________
  1015.  
  1016.  
  1017. “Damn that godly bum, he could have at least been gentler”
  1018.  
  1019. I stood up, seemingly unscathed. Such a thing shouldn’t be possible after falling from that height, so either my body is more resistant than normal in this world, or the old man gave me some divine protection.
  1020.  
  1021. But now that I look around I realize that I’m in a very dense forest. No, a jungle. It’s hot, the humidity must be very high too, the vegetation looks very thick, so it’s probably going to take a lot of effort to make my way through it.
  1022.  
  1023. Luckily, I found some sort of path. Was it made by people? It does look too big for your average animal, but I don’t know much about the fauna of this world.
  1024.  
  1025. But something bothers me, according to my dad, this ‘Japan’ he came from had buildings as tall as 20 houses put one on top of the other, roads made out of asphalt where ‘cars’ moved through, pedestrian paths full of ‘salarymen’ going to work in elegant suits, and there were just a couple of trees here and there at the side of the roads.
  1026.  
  1027. What I’m seeing right now doesn’t quite fit his description, this place looks as if I was the first human to pass through it.
  1028. The complete opposite of the “concrete jungle” where humans had chased nature away.
  1029.  
  1030. I kept walking as I evaluated my surroundings.
  1031.  
  1032. *pshhh*
  1033.  
  1034. Something moved among the bushes, just a couple of meters away from me.
  1035.  
  1036. D-Don’t worry, silly young man. It’s must be a friendly animal. Yes, a deer, a very cute deer. Hahaha.
  1037.  
  1038. “cumax texé nixĩ ?” (Who are you!?)
  1039.  
  1040. Suddenly a voice surged from behind the bush. A brown-skinned guy in… a loincloth? Came out and pproached me.
  1041.  
  1042. “Huh? You talkin’ to me?”
  1043.  
  1044. I don’t understand anything of what this guy is saying.
  1045.  
  1046. “cumax texé nixĩ !?” (Who are you!?)
  1047.  
  1048. Shit, he seems to be mad. This calls for a very delicate procedure to overcome our cultural differences. I wouldn’t want to offend him in any way.
  1049.  
  1050. I collected my thoughts, took a deep breath, plasted the friendliest expression I could make on my face, and said:
  1051.  
  1052. “Yo, what are you talking about? Who the heck are you?”
  1053.  
  1054. Success. I may as well pursue a career in diplomacy.
  1055.  
  1056. “NAYAYAHU!” (Catch him!)
  1057.  
  1058. Suddenly, 10 other brown-skinned guys came and took a hold of me, quickly tying my hands and putting a bag over my head. It happened so fast that I couldn’t even try to resist.
  1059. Gotta admit it, these guys are good.
  1060. Could they be... 'Ninjas'?
  1061.  
  1062. Great, seems like my little otherworldly adventure is going to end with me becoming some random savage ninjas’ dinner.
  1063.  
  1064.  
  1065. ______________________________________________
  1066. “duü̃xü̃ i togümex̱ ẽwa ngẽxmaxü̃!"   (We've got a new slave!)
  1067. “tama nayaxõ poracü ” (doesn't seem strong)
  1068. “nüxü nadawenü ngeãẽxü ” (looks dumb)
  1069.  
  1070. It’s hopeless, i've tried listening to the gibberish they say but I just can’t understand it.
  1071. Great job with the translations, good-for-nothing bum god.
  1072.  
  1073. We have walked for a good while, where could they be taking me? Assuming that they want to make me their dinner they’re probably taking me back to their village.
  1074.  
  1075. What do I do? I haven’t tried my magic after the seal was put on it, so I’m not certain I will be able to cast fireballs.
  1076.  
  1077. I could try to surprise them with some trick and earn their interest. Knowing that true magic doesn’t exist in this world, I would pretty much look like a prophet, or even a god to them.
  1078.  
  1079. Or they could mistake me for a monster, panic and try to kill me before I eat their children or something.
  1080.  
  1081. Also, even if I could run from them now, could I really get away? This jungle is their territory, they will probably hunt me down like an animal.
  1082.  
  1083. In that case... To survive i must i either make them my friends or take them all down.
  1084.  
  1085. Damn, if only Wassim was here I could use him as bait or sell him out in exchange for my freedom.
  1086.  
  1087.  
  1088. “Naeru! Naeru!” (Princess! Princess!)
  1089.  
  1090. My captors came to a halt and got very noisy. What’s going on? Is that their ritual before eating?
  1091.  
  1092. Go ahead! Eat me, you bunch of fools! I will make sure to give you the worse diarrhea you’ve ever had!.
  1093.  
  1094. “ínacu̱xuchichiru toxüchiwe!” (Take the mask off!)
  1095.  
  1096. I heard the dignified voice of a girl, and then one of the men finally took off that thing from my head.
  1097.  
  1098. It took me a couple of seconds to adapt my eyes to the light again, and in front of me stood a woman. No, a girl.
  1099. She must be around my age, maybe a bit younger.
  1100.  
  1101. Beautiful brownish skin. Long black hair that despite being unkept it nonetheless took my breath away. A round face with puffy cheeks, and a thin but visibly fit body decorated with all sorts of animal skins and feathers.
  1102.  
  1103. All in all, a captivating girl well in the road towards becoming a woman.
  1104.  
  1105. “I bet she’s got a nice ass…”
  1106.  
  1107. Oops, I said what I thought out loud.
  1108.  
  1109. Well, it’s not like they would understand it.
  1110.  
  1111. “How vulgar, this is why I don’t like getting involved with foreigners.”
  1112.  
  1113. Shit, she did!
  1114.  
  1115. Should I apologize? Nah, times like these call for a clear demonstration of power, I’ll let you know who the boss is in here.
  1116.  
  1117. “Vulgar? That’s what I should say, girl in lewd underclothes.”
  1118.  
  1119. Indeed, at least her clothes covered the important places, but still 75% of her body was uncovered for the whole world (and me) to see (and take some mental pictures for later, yumm yumm).
  1120.  
  1121. “Hah!? What did you say!?”
  1122. Replied the girl with an harsh tone accompanied by a fierce scowl, like a wild feline just about to jump straight at your neck.
  1123.  
  1124. Hoh, seems like I bumped into a ‘wild’ girl, in various senses of the world, but if you think you will intimidate me with that…
  1125.  
  1126. “Forgivemepleasedon’tkillme!”
  1127.  
  1128. I said in a squeaky voice as I quickly covered my head with my hands.
  1129.  
  1130.  
  1131. ____________________________________________
  1132.  
  1133. “So you came from a different world, and god sent you here in a mission to collect those items known as ‘glittery stamps’ in order to go back?”
  1134.  
  1135. Inquired the girl in the seductive indigenous attire.
  1136.  
  1137. “Yeah, that pretty much sums it up”
  1138.  
  1139. “That’s really hard to believe…”
  1140.  
  1141. Can’t deny it, now that I had to share my situation with someone else i realize how absurd the whole thing is.
  1142.  
  1143. The girl pondered my words for a while, then made her hand into a fist, positioned it lightly over her chest, looked at me with determined eyes and said:
  1144.  
  1145. “Let me help you”
  1146.  
  1147. “Hah?”
  1148.  
  1149. Wait, not only you believed that bullshit-ish story, you’re offering to help me? I strongly suspected you people were funny in the head, but still...
  1150.  
  1151. “Please let me help you”
  1152.  
  1153. She slightly inclined her head forward, in an earnest gesture of petition.
  1154.  
  1155. “I… I don’t mind, but why did you suddenly decide to help me?”
  1156.  
  1157. “Your story may sound very suspicious as it is, but it’s actually very similar to an ancient legent transmitted by our ancestors”
  1158.  
  1159. A legend? One that described my current situation?
  1160.  
  1161. “ He, who fell from beyond the skies
  1162.   He, who will collect the godly artifacts
  1163.   He, who shall bridge the gap between our world and the kingdom beyond the sky
  1164.   The blood of a hero lays dormant within
  1165.   Thy blood, thy flesh and thy wit shall be put to his service
  1166.   Thee, who yearns for eternal glory”
  1167.  
  1168. ‘The blood of a hero lays dormant within’… Even though I didn’t mention anything about my father.
  1169.  
  1170. Thinking back, the whole apparition of my father was also predicted by an ancient legend from my own world. Could such legends have some direct relationship with the cycle of reincarnation?
  1171.  
  1172. But more importantly…
  1173.  
  1174. “Thy flesh shall be put to his service...!?”
  1175.  
  1176. For some reason (Hm, I wonder why?) my eyes were opened and directed straight towards the breasts of my attractive interlocutor.
  1177.  
  1178. I gulped.
  1179.  
  1180. “Hey, degenerate.”
  1181.  
  1182. Who are you calling a degenerate? Well, I did instinctively react to the word as if you had called my name, but still…
  1183.  
  1184. “Don’t take it all so literally, will you?”
  1185.  
  1186. A fierce scowl.
  1187.  
  1188. The blood in my veins froze inmediately.
  1189.  
  1190. Man, I’m suddenly very tired. Yep, very tired, surely from walking all day through the jungle.
  1191. That must be why my legs are trembling. Totally not because of her. Nope. Absolutely not. Zero.
  1192.  
  1193. I shouldn’t be deceived by her womanly charms, this woman is a beast. A wild, carnivorous beast.
  1194.  
  1195.  
  1196. ______________________________________________________________
  1197.  
  1198. “You said you didn’t mind letting me help you. So when are we going to find those godly artifacts?”
  1199.  
  1200. Impatiently asked this savage girl as she looked straight into my eyes as I was sitting on a wooden stem after complaining about being too tired to stand.
  1201.  
  1202. Come on woman, my legs are still trembling a bit, let me rest. And think.
  1203.  
  1204. Also, stop calling those silly stamps godly artifacts, you’re making this story sound too serious for its own good.
  1205.  
  1206. “Are you really the hero from the legend? Such an indecisive man”
  1207.  
  1208. “Ahhh you know, maybe i can’t accept your help after all.”
  1209.  
  1210. First of all, let’s see if we can domesticate this savage. The ancient principle of ‘the carrot and the stick’ should work in this world too.
  1211.  
  1212. “Sorry for my rudeness. Please let me join you.”
  1213.  
  1214. Ehm… If you answer so earnestly I can’t help feeling like an asshole…
  1215.  
  1216. “Okay okay, I will let you help me.”
  1217.  
  1218. “It’s a promise?”
  1219.  
  1220. She extended her pinkie towards me, implicitly asking for a physical sort of confirmation.
  1221.  
  1222. Wow, already bringing up promises, as if we had been comrades in arms for years? Her culture seems to be pretty straight-forward.
  1223.  
  1224. But because of that she seems like someone you can trust, and that’s something very valuable to have when you’re away from home.
  1225.  
  1226. “Yeah”
  1227.  
  1228. I took a hold of her extended pinkie with mine, and she sealed the deal by symbolically severing the link between them with another hand.
  1229.  
  1230. It was sort of heart warming, I recalled some dear memories from my world.
  1231.  
  1232. I died, but my heart is still beating.
  1233.  
  1234. I died, but i'm still moving forward.
  1235.  
  1236. I won't let this chance go to waste, i will definitely make it back.
  1237.  
  1238. The small gesture helped me reaffirm my resolution.
  1239.  
  1240. “My name is Aria, what’s yours, ‘legendary hero’?”
  1241.  
  1242. “Kuroha-… Noah, just Noah”
  1243.  
  1244. She looked a bit puzzled by my decision to not say my surname, but she didn’t ask about it.
  1245. Honestly I, too, am a bit puzzled as to why I did that.
  1246.  
  1247. Perhaps the way she called me ‘hero’ made me subconsciously avoid using my father’s surname?
  1248.  
  1249. ‘Hero’… The meaning of that word. The responsibility and weight that accompanied it.
  1250.  
  1251. Could I carry it?
  1252.  
  1253. I’m not the ‘son of’ anymore. For Aria, I am the hero himself.
  1254.  
  1255. Did dad feel the same when he first woke up all alone in the middle of a big magical circle, surrounded by a bunch of unknown people who selfishly decided to burden him with the label of ‘Hero’?
  1256.  
  1257. Did dad ever…
  1258. Will I ever…
  1259.  
  1260. Feel like running away from it all?
  1261.  
  1262. “Noah!”
  1263.  
  1264. Aria's voice suddenly took me out of my internal deliberation.
  1265.  
  1266. “I said ‘nice to meet you’”
  1267.  
  1268. She continued, as she extended her hand forward.
  1269.  
  1270. These people must care a lot about presentations, I thought as i mumbled the words “Nice to meet you too” while i extended my hand to return her handshake.
  1271.  
  1272. “So, Aria, seeing as we are done with our presentations, mind if I ask you something?”
  1273.  
  1274. “What is it, Noah?”
  1275.  
  1276. “In which part of Japan are we right now? I guess this is not ‘Tokio’, as there’s so much vegetation. Maybe the so-called ‘Osaka’?"
  1277.  
  1278. Well, my dad didn’t seem to be an avid traveller, so he only really told me about a couple of cities where he lived in his youth.
  1279.  
  1280. “Japan? What do you mean?”
  1281.  
  1282. Huh? She didn’t understand? Is this translator thing working properly?
  1283.  
  1284. “Let me change the question, where are we right now?”
  1285.  
  1286. So here’s the plan. First of all, i need to know in which part of Japan we are and find my way towards ‘Tokio’. I can start searching for clues there.
  1287.  
  1288. It should somehow work out, my dad taught me enough about japanese common sense to not get completely lost in there.
  1289.  
  1290. Also, let’s make the best out of the occasion and do some tourism. I hate travelling in general, but that doesn’t mean I won’t take a golden chance to dip in an ‘onsen’ or watch ‘anime’.
  1291.  
  1292. I wonder what face will dad make when I bring him some souvenir from his world?
  1293.  
  1294. I will be fine, but as for Aria… Hmm, I accepted her help, but that also means we will have another mouth to feed. According to the picture of Japan that I have, her wild animal abilities won’t get her far.
  1295.  
  1296. Well, que será será.
  1297.  
  1298. Or so I naively thought, before hearing her answer.
  1299.  
  1300. “Where are we right now? Well, our settlement is not too far from Leticia.”
  1301.  
  1302. "L-Leticia?”
  1303.  
  1304. I don’t remember any japanese city by that name, actually, that doesn’t sound japanese at all.
  1305.  
  1306. “Yes. We are currently in the national park Amacayacu, department of Amazonas, Republic of Colombia”
  1307.  
  1308. “I've never heard of that Japan you talk about, but I’m pretty sure it’s not in this continent.”
  1309.  
  1310. So she said, in her typical serious and stoic tone. A tone that didn't show a hint of doubt or bad intentions.
  1311. She didn't have any reason to lie to begin with, so she was definitely saying the truth.
  1312.  
  1313. ...
  1314.  
  1315. God.
  1316.  
  1317. Are you listening?
  1318.  
  1319. Fuck you.
  1320.  
  1321. Fuck you so much.
  1322.  
  1323.  
  1324. _____________________________________
  1325. INTERLUDE
  1326. Be careful, weird people tend to gather around lakes.
  1327.  
  1328.  
  1329. This dream... It's about that moment.
  1330. It was probably a year ago.
  1331. Yeah, around a year before the day he disappeared.
  1332.  
  1333. ______________________________________________________
  1334.  
  1335. I had moved to a small village in the middle of nowhere with my parents and brother, after the city proved to be too unfriendly an environment to keep our small family business afloat.
  1336.  
  1337. It wasn't because of the quality of the food, both my mom and dad were in charge of the kitchen, and i can guarantee their food is quite good.
  1338.  
  1339. The problem was our location, as the prices in the main streets were too much for our humble finances, we had to make do with opening a small restaurant pretty much in the outskirts.
  1340.  
  1341. The people who did stop by and eat liked it, but the fact was that the influx of customers wasn't enough to sustain ourselves.
  1342.  
  1343. One day, when the situation had already become unsustainable, a foreign man with slanted eyes happened to stop by our restaurant.
  1344.  
  1345. He liked the food a lot, to the point he went to the kitchen to congratulate the chefs.
  1346.  
  1347. He eventually became a friend of our family, and he came to eat every now and then.
  1348.  
  1349. My parents told him about our financial problems, the man promised to help us, saying that "It would be a waste for such a nice couple of chefs to end up working as laborers"
  1350.  
  1351. After some time he came with an offer to work in one of the most prestigious restaurants of the kingdom, clearly this guy wasn't just any foreigner, he had his connections.
  1352.  
  1353. But my parents bluntly refused, my brother and i agreed with them. There wouldn't be any point in working in someone else's restaurant, we had our pride as owners after all.
  1354.  
  1355. "In that case" The slanted eyed man said
  1356. "Come work at my village, i can get you a nice location right in the center and i'm sure you'll get lots of customers"
  1357.  
  1358. After a couple of weeks we held our reinauguration in our new 'home'. The man was pretty loyal to his word, our restaurant was quite literally in the center of the village.
  1359.  
  1360. Our new restaurant became a success, the people were welcoming, and more importantly my parents didn't have that desperate look on their faces. I considered myself more of a 'city girl', but i couldn't deny the healing effect that small villages have on the soul.
  1361.  
  1362. If i had to mention a minus it would be, well, it was sort of boring.
  1363.  
  1364. My brother and i didn't have trouble to make friends, and they were all very kind people.
  1365.  
  1366. It was just... There wasn't anything interesting going on. That 'spark' characteristic of the bigger congregations of people wasn't there.
  1367. Everything was so slow and calm compared to the city.
  1368.  
  1369. I picked up the habit of taking walks, every time going a bit further away from the village.
  1370. All in an attempt to look for something that would catch my interest, something that could entertain me.
  1371.  
  1372. As a result i found a forest to my liking not too far from the settlement, whenever i was bored i would come and play with the squirrels.
  1373.  
  1374. At one point even animals seemed to be more interesting than human beings, i felt and unexpected sort of release after sharing my deepest secrets with a bunch of squirrels.
  1375.  
  1376. They wouldn't talk about dolls, fashion, or the posibility of X cheating on Z with Y. I never fancied such vain 'girl's talk'. I would rather sit listening to the squeaky rodents than hanging out with my human friends.
  1377.  
  1378. And so, in one of my expeditions to explore the depths of the forest, i reached a lake.
  1379.  
  1380. Beautiful blue water, the calming chirping of birds and the soothing sight of deers drinking the crystalline water.
  1381.  
  1382. I came closer and looked at my reflection, when i saw the blonde color of my hair mixing up with the deep blue of the water for a short moment i felt like a princess from a fairy tale.
  1383.  
  1384. I may have found a new favorite place, or so i thought before an apathetic male voice interrupted my emotional moment.
  1385.  
  1386. "Hey little girl, do you have a death wish?"
  1387.  
  1388. I looked towards the source, but i couldn't see anyone.
  1389.  
  1390. "Up here, in the tree"
  1391.  
  1392. Following the instructions, i looked up to find a boy with black, curly hair sitting on one of the bigger branches of a near tree.
  1393.  
  1394. "And who might you be? You certainly don't look old enough to go calling me 'little girl'."
  1395.  
  1396. I asked the corresponding question according to basic etiquette.
  1397.  
  1398. "Well, if i was you i wouldn't be standing there like a fool."
  1399.  
  1400. H-Huh? A fool? But there's only me standing here...
  1401.  
  1402. I checked my surroundings once again to see where this alleged fool was supposed to be.
  1403.  
  1404. "And now instead of following my advice you're looking around like a fool. What a foolish girl."
  1405.  
  1406. F-Foolish girl!?
  1407.  
  1408. You talkin' to me!?
  1409.  
  1410. "How about you try to look at your reflection on the lake again?"
  1411.  
  1412. There's a lot of stuff i would like to say to this kind sir who seems to be too high on his damn horse, but his words had started to give me an omnious feeling about my current situation.
  1413.  
  1414. I carefully went and checked my reflection again. Nothing seemed out of ordinary with my face.
  1415.  
  1416. "Now try to look beyond the surface"
  1417.  
  1418. I did as he said, and squinted my eyes as i tried to see what lied beyond the superficial image, and i saw... Something.
  1419.  
  1420. "W-What is that?"
  1421.  
  1422. "You should get away first before asking dumb questions"
  1423.  
  1424. Ara? Arara? Did 'that' just... Move a bit?
  1425.  
  1426. Just as the realization that i should indeed get away fast hit me, the 'thing' hiding beyond the surface jumped straight at me.
  1427.  
  1428. Luckily i was able to fall back on my butt to avoid its first attack, and only then the identity of what i was confronting against was revealed.
  1429.  
  1430. "A... A..."
  1431.  
  1432. "A FRIGGIN' CROCODILEEEEEE!"
  1433.  
  1434. My heart almost escaping through my mouth together with the surprised scream, i hurriedly stood up and tried to run away, following the contour of the lake.
  1435.  
  1436. But i was wearing a heavy dress with a long skirt, designed for your average housewife to comfortably sit home as she sews her husband's boxers, and not for running from wild reptiles that mistook you for their dinner.
  1437.  
  1438. "Y-YOU! H-HELP ME!"
  1439.  
  1440. "Crocodiles are quite slow when running, that's why they rely in hiding underwater and making a decisive surprise strike"
  1441.  
  1442. Oh, really? ♥ You are so smart! ♥ I may even fall for you! ♥
  1443.  
  1444. I asked you for help, not for a damn lesson on reptilian zoology.
  1445.  
  1446. "WHY DOES THAT EVEN MATTER NOW!? PLEASE HELP MEEEEE!"
  1447.  
  1448. "Tsk, i told you crocodiles are slow, even slower than you, dimwitted and foolish girl."
  1449.  
  1450. "WHO... ARE YOU CALLING... DIMWITTED...!?"
  1451.  
  1452. I managed to spit out a retort inbetween my irregular breaths as i kept trying to run.
  1453.  
  1454. "Whatever, just look behind you."
  1455.  
  1456. Who is this guy even supposed to be? Why is he just watching me suffer like this? Is this funny for you? Am i entretaining you, you depraved microphone head!?
  1457.  
  1458. Having lost my breath already it seems i won't be able to ask him that, but i turned around to look anyways.
  1459.  
  1460. And there... There wasn't anything.
  1461.  
  1462. My alleged pursuer was standing still pretty much at the same place where he jumped out at me, looking at me with apathetic, almost pitying eyes.
  1463.  
  1464. "See? I told you he was slow. There wasn't any need for me to help you anyways."
  1465.  
  1466. I was relieved to know my life was out of danger, no doubt. But the good feeling lasted barely a couple of seconds before this irritating guy's voice spoiled my mood again.
  1467.  
  1468. "You...! You de- *cough cough*"
  1469.  
  1470. I couldn't finish my phrase, i still hadn't caught my breath.
  1471.  
  1472. "Heh, what a weird girl. You should come sit in here."
  1473.  
  1474. He said as he pointed a tree branch close to the one on which he was sitting.
  1475.  
  1476. "Why...*pant*... Should i... *pant*...?"
  1477.  
  1478. Why should i listen and do as you say?
  1479.  
  1480. "You're not out of danger yet."
  1481.  
  1482. *Gasp*
  1483.  
  1484. I quickly turned around towards the lake, as i was reminded of the possibility of another of those cold-blooded predators coming out to hunt me.
  1485.  
  1486. When did i become so popular? Sorry dad, your cute daughter has become a sinful woman...
  1487. That's what i would have liked to say if this whole thing wasn't about hungry crocodiles.
  1488.  
  1489. "Tsk, this is why city folk are..."
  1490.  
  1491. The curly haired boy said that in an unpleasant tone as he got down from the tree and approached me.
  1492.  
  1493. Wait, who are you calling city folk!? Well, it's true but...!
  1494.  
  1495. My thought process got interrupted as he suddenly held my hand.
  1496.  
  1497. "Hey! What are you doing!?"
  1498.  
  1499. He didn't say anything, he just started to pull me somewhere.
  1500.  
  1501. "Let me go! It hurts!"
  1502.  
  1503. It didn't actually hurt, though. His words may be harsh but seems like he at least knew how to control the strenght of his grip.
  1504.  
  1505. But of course, if i wanted him to release me i couldn't pass up the chance to use the innate womanly ability to make up things to complain about.
  1506.  
  1507. When he finally let me go we were standing in front of the tree where he was sitting before.
  1508.  
  1509. "W-What do you want?"
  1510.  
  1511. I limited myself to asking that.
  1512. First i needed to ascertain his intentions. Know yourself and know your enemy and you won't have to fear the result of a thousand battles.
  1513.  
  1514. "Here, climb up."
  1515.  
  1516. He pointed to a rope hanging close to the tree's trunk.
  1517.  
  1518. This guy... How can he make such obnoxious demands to a frail girl in a delicate dress with a straight face?
  1519.  
  1520. "I'm not goi-..."
  1521.  
  1522. He suddenly cut me off:
  1523.  
  1524. "Damn, another crocodile is coming!"
  1525.  
  1526. Ara?
  1527.  
  1528. Last thing i remember i was standing in front of a tree, now i'm suddenly hanging from a rope, some 5 meters above ground.
  1529.  
  1530. Once more i was reminded that life takes you to unexpected places when you less expect it.
  1531.  
  1532.  
  1533. ____________________________________
  1534.  
  1535. "So, why did you come here? This ain't no place for city gals like you"
  1536.  
  1537. That's what the boy sitting on a tree branch some 5 meters above ground, asked me.
  1538.  
  1539. "I was just... Looking for something fun to do."
  1540.  
  1541. That's what i, sitting on a tree branch some 5 meters above ground, replied to the boy.
  1542.  
  1543. "So, under what definition of the word 'fun' does getting chased by crocodiles appear? I would like to take a look at whatever dictionary you took that from."
  1544.  
  1545. "Of course i didn't want any of that to happen! Don't you have any common sense!?"
  1546.  
  1547. The more i talk to him the more irritated and lost i feel.
  1548.  
  1549. "Well, i do know a certain parent that is into that sort of stuff so..."
  1550.  
  1551. "Hah? Is he some sort of extreme masochist?"
  1552.  
  1553. "If i had to pick a word to describe it, it would be 'legendary' "
  1554.  
  1555. The boy replied to my question with a 100% straight face. He was serious. Constantly spouting outrageous gibberish, but serious nonetheless.
  1556.  
  1557. "Pft"
  1558.  
  1559. And out of all the words that you could have picked, you picked that one?
  1560.  
  1561. "Pffft... Hehe... Hahahaha"
  1562.  
  1563. I couldn't hold back the laughter.
  1564. How long has it been since someone made me laugh wholeheartedly like this?
  1565. It may happen when i tease my brother, but that's more like me using him to amuse myself.
  1566. The reason behind my walks in the forest was precisely that i had grown bored of people.
  1567. And yet... Here i was, laughing so happily with this random boy.
  1568.  
  1569. "You okay? That suspicious laugh doesn't seem like a good sign. Should i get you some papayas?"
  1570.  
  1571. "Papayas? Just what... Fwahahahahaha"
  1572.  
  1573. How can he come up with all that?
  1574.  
  1575. Such a weird boy...
  1576.  
  1577. "My name is Iris Allegro."
  1578. I decided to introduce myself properly.
  1579. "What's yours?"
  1580.  
  1581.  
  1582. I looked at the boy again. His irreverent comments delivered with a straight face and that curly hair that makes his head look like a microphone...
  1583. Quite a promising candidate to be the buffoon in charge of bringing a bit of entertainment to this boring villager life.
  1584.  
  1585. He looked at me skeptically for a moment and then looked away, pondering about something.
  1586. I guess he found my change in attitude a bit puzzling.
  1587.  
  1588. But nonetheless he looked back at me and correspondently introduced himself.
  1589.  
  1590. "I am Noah. Kurohara Noah"
  1591.  
  1592. Maybe...
  1593. Maybe we could become friends.
  1594.  
  1595. __________________________________
  1596.  
  1597. *riiiiiiiing riiiiiiing*
  1598.  
  1599.  
  1600. I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock.
  1601. It was 7am, the usual time to wake up and start to get ready to open the restaurant.
  1602. It was a working day like any other.
  1603. So it was supposed to be.
  1604.  
  1605. But i didn't want to stand up. I couldn't stand up.
  1606. The dream i just had...
  1607.  
  1608. Kurohara Noah.
  1609.  
  1610. Mentioning his name was enough to cause a stinging pain inside my chest.
  1611.  
  1612. And that's because...
  1613.  
  1614. Because...
  1615.  
  1616. I had a feeling i would never see him again.
  1617.  
  1618. __________________________________________________________
  1619.  
  1620. CHAPTER 4
  1621.  
  1622.  
  1623.  
  1624. Just... Let's just...
  1625. Let's just take a step back and look at the situation again.
  1626.  
  1627. >I was going about my life like always when i got 'killed' by a carriage while i was thinking about asses.
  1628. Makes sense, asses are of vital importance. It's very honourable to offer your life to such an honourable endeavour.
  1629.  
  1630. >I met god and he told me he would send me to my dad's world
  1631. Indeed, my dad was from this place called Japan, so logically i should have been sent to Japan or its close vicinity.
  1632.  
  1633. >I fell in some jungle and the first person i talk to doesn't even know what Japan is. Even worse, she tells me i arrived at a completely different location.
  1634. Yep, no matter how many times i try to analize it i can just reach one conclusion.
  1635.  
  1636. "THIS WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL, YOU SLEAZY OLD MAN!"
  1637. I passionately raised my voice towards the heavens, in hopes of making my words reach god.
  1638.  
  1639. "GET DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND TAKE ME TO JAPAN"
  1640.  
  1641. Even though i was deeply troubled, i felt some sort of release and relief as i kept screaming.
  1642. Is this what people feel when they pray? Maybe i should start going to the church every sunday.
  1643. "I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE ALMS YOU WANT!"
  1644. Yes, i will become a loyal member of the Lord's flock. I will repent from all my sins.
  1645. I will even offer my fapping sock to the Lord as a proof of my compromise with his teachings.
  1646. "I'LL EVEN GET YOU A GOOD CARPENTER TO MAKE YOU A PROPER BED!"
  1647.  
  1648. Supposedly you're able to read minds, so after seeing the honesty in my heart how about you stop playing dumb and fix your mistake?
  1649. The god i know wouldn't let his cute little sheep suffer through such hardship, would he?
  1650.  
  1651. "Noah, cut it out already!"
  1652. A thin but nonetheless tough girl started to repeatedly poke my sides with her fingers.
  1653.  
  1654. "Ah! Eh! Uh! What are you doing all of sudden!?"
  1655. Every time her fingers sank into my soft tissues my muscles would unvoluntarily contract and weird noises left my mouth.
  1656.  
  1657. "Stop screaming like a madman, you're scaring the others"
  1658.  
  1659. Oh yeah, putting Aria aside i don't think anyone understands what i'm saying.
  1660. If i were in the position of our audience i woud be quite scared at myself.
  1661.  
  1662. *whispers whispers*
  1663. "ngexcürüücü guxcharuxü" (What's his problem?)
  1664. "nangeãẽ" (He's crazy)
  1665. "natürü ãũchigaxü̃ i ore" (But he's funny)
  1666.  
  1667. They are whispering stuff as they look at me. Indeed, i must have done a very offensive thing.
  1668.  
  1669. "I'm sorry for screaming like that"
  1670. In this cases my dad taught me that the best was to tilt your head forward and honestly ask for forgiveness.
  1671. I bet the message must have gotten to them, even if they didn't understand my words.
  1672. An honest apology can overcome any cultural difference.
  1673.  
  1674. "Naeru, nüxü nixuxchaü taxũ̃́ inanaxã nangõ̱xneta" (Princess, tell him i ain't giving him any of my food)
  1675.  
  1676. For some reason Aria had a smile, almost as if she was about to burst laughing.
  1677. She must have been very happy that i managed to properly communicate my intentions with her people for the first time.
  1678.  
  1679.  
  1680. _____________________________________
  1681.  
  1682. "Ticuna?"
  1683. I asked Aria for ratification.
  1684. "Yes, that's the name of my tribe"
  1685.  
  1686. After deciding that i didn't want any weird stories titled 'foreigner yells at cloud' being spread through Aria's tribe, i got curious and started asking about her life.
  1687. "So why are you the only one i can communicate with?"
  1688. "Right now i'm speaking in spanish language, which you seem to understand because of the divine blessing you mentioned before."
  1689. Yeah, the auto-translator.
  1690. "And how come that blessing doesn't let me understand your tribe's language?"
  1691. "The ticuna language is spoken by a relatively small amount of people. In this country the great majority speaks spanish."
  1692. Now that i think about it, the old man did say his blessing only translated the "main languages".
  1693.  
  1694. Way to go, god. You sent me to the middle of nowhere.
  1695.  
  1696. I proceeded to ask a bit more about the tribe's customs, surrounding circumstances and the bigger picture of this world itself.
  1697.  
  1698. According to Aria,
  1699. http://www.todacolombia.com/etnias-de-colombia/grupos-indigenas/ticuna.html#3
RAW Paste Data
Top