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- uhh so I doubt yall really want people asking questions here and Im sure you get a million 14 year olds saying they have narcissistic personality disorder because they stole their friends hot wheels car; just for background I have in the past been diagnosed and hospitalized for many disorders and have been taking adderal, prozac, and a few anti anxieties that I dont think have any relevant side effects. I know PDs are dangerous and shouldnt be self diagnosed but I feel like, thinking of them as complexes rather than some kind of medical condition, I fall into the same patterns as avoidant personality disorder and dependent personality disorder. I know this is gonna sound really stupid but
- I behave submissively almost all the time, my social worker comments that I apologize when I bump into doors with my elbow. I am almost incapable of making basic decisions for myself, needing others input. If I weren't too scared to ask I would have had a friend tell me how to cut my hair. I havent had a hair cut in like 8 months. I am constantly asking people if Im annoying or hurting them. I am easily hurt by disapproval (example is attempted suicide over parents not being happy with B grades) I am sorta solated and nervous when alone - I join random discord servers, dating sites, literally anything to talk to someone online but I feel sick when I think about talking to someone ir. I literally just put like 20 warnings on top of this cuz I fear rejection. I feel bottled up and anxious when alone. I tend to be a bit naïve, for example my friends mess with me all the time; telling me that things I am seeing aren't there (I have no past with schizo). I only know they were because I looked up if they were. Abandonment is like my biggest fear
- At the same time as all this, whenever I get into a relationship I get really sick
- I cant explain it but its not sexuality, its just sickness whenever I am beginning to feel intimately connected with someone or even my dog. My thought was that if I was both avoidant and dependant my feelings of needing to be in a relationship but sickness when with someone might be explainable. Other signs are, I tend to start doing things at home in a room alone with the curtains drawn so nobody can see me trying them because Im afraid of being judged
- like exercising
- most of the time I cant think of a single reason anyone would want to be friends with me
- is it even possible to have both or am I just scaring myself reading over possible diagnoses?
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