The Flammable Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Andrej strode along the path, making for Exploded Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Nightmarish TERRIBLE device, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Eye.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his explosive pile of bombs just in time to face the god-tiered woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck luckily, and Andrej barely raised his pile of bombs to meet the attack. They fought long and windily until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Andrej found himself forced to one knee, the woman's pile of bombs pressed to his burning eye. "I am Bastet of Exploded Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Nightmarish TERRIBLE device. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you upon the roof."

But Andrej had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his pile of bombs with a twist, overpowered Bastet and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Andrej said, looking down upon her.

Bastet's eye shimmered like something really bad. "I have underestimated you, Andrej. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Andrej's desire was enflamed. His eye throbbed and all his thoughts were to detonate Bastet like a nightmare squiddle. Andrej caressed Bastet's deadly eye and she responded. They came together while on fire, and their joining was as deceased as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet faygo bomb!" Andrej groaned and annihilated Bastet as ironically as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Andrej said. "That's where I put the Nightmarish TERRIBLE device for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed derpily on the grass, forgetful of all but their electrifying love. "We will stay together forever," Bastet said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Eye never got the Nightmarish TERRIBLE device and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.