Poetry

i dont want life i just want u

Never took advice when it mattered
Left yourself bruised and battered
Took a knife and it clattered
To the cold ground and the blood splattered

You took 2 fingers and you shoved them
Down your throat and coughed up blood
Told me “oh it doesn’t hurt ben”
As you grimaced while you stood

Said you’re sorry
Doesn’t matter now
You made your choice
Now take your bow
There is no laughter
There is no joy
There’s only a broken sad girl without a boy

Oh I miss you
Oh I kiss you
On the cheek every night
Stare at your gorgeous face until you turn out the light
And when all that remains is darkness and shadow
You dream of running away to a sun-drenched meadow
You imagine crisp fall days walking an apple orchard
But you’ve forgotten about that poor innocent boy you tortured
You cast him to the side because you scared yourself
You closed yourself off when he offered his help

You wish to take him back now but he’s already gone
Life’s a game of chess and you were only a pawn
Every dark day will have a second dawn
But after that chance we’re all wise to the con
Of a girl who says she’s different this time
Of a girl whose arms are more bruised than mine
Of a girl whose teeth are stained with bile
Of a girl who will draw all the boys from miles
She’ll leave you broken in a ditch and wish you hadn’t ever met her
But she’ll leave a jagged scare ensuring you’ll never forget her
She leaves you with the memories you’ll always treasure
Your first time having sex with a girl, that’s her pleasure

But she’s torn apart at the seams
Things no longer what they seem
You lay skinned, and scheme
This story has no theme
It has not chorus
No denouement
It’s disgustingly porous
With a big gaping maw

Begging to be filled with more plot
With dreams of a future and colored flowerpots
But a future’s impossible if you destroy your present
If you give up the past the present’s never quite pleasant
It’s over now Alex, the story is written
The story of a girl, and a boy
Once smitten
The story of a cold, jealous, addictive young kitten
Who drew the fucker in and left him sixty times bitten
Goodbye now
I’ll miss you
Couldn’t bring myself to kiss you
Because those lips taste like blood
And the hallway is a flood
Of stained recollections harrowing events and villainous mud
You walk right down it, feet not touching the floor
This story is fucked down to its very core
You are many things alex, but you aren’t a bore
You’re many things alex, but what you’re not is much more
And what you are is a door
To a future unspoken of
A present once dreamed of
A girl that could be loved
A boy that let me shove
Him into the dirt
Didn’t cry that it hurt
He just watch it happen
He just WATCHED it happen.
He’s stronger now alex
He knows that his life holds meaning
He’s given his psyche and brainspace a cleaning
If there’s one greater theme
That you should be gleaning
It’s that your past is a mysterious mess,
But you’re future’s still gleaming
With hope, promise, tinges of regret
But not one among us could ever forget
What you were, what you are, what you aren’t and what you will be
And I gotta make sure, what you won’t be wont kill me
So I back away and protect myself
Put my feelings in a drawer and file it away on a shelf.

You don’t want life, don’t you lie to me
You only want me, and that’s the truth ain’t it
You would be happy dying, if it was by my side
You said your funeral’d be special, if someone’d give me a ride
But, me I prefer life over death anyday
And I found a girl, who wants it the same way
And turns out although she’s 76% gay
She’s madly in love with me, to this very day
I fall for her harder, every time I hear her say
You’re perfect ben
You’re a sex idol
I’m so wet ben
My heart’s pounding at idle

I grin and say baby you know it
But I fear I’ll blow it
Then I remember forgivness and the way some show it
I remember your glibness and the way you would grow it
I remember your evil, and the kindness it hides
I remember your curves, and all your beauty at sides
You thought you were fat darling, that was never true
Because under that skin and those bones, there was you
Nothing else needed, nothing I could hope to accrue
But the essence of a girl, that I once fucking knew
The essence of a girl, that I thought I knew
The essence of a girl, that I kind of knew
The essence of a girl, that I didn’t know
The essence of a girl, that she didn’t show
The essence of a g-….it’s time for me to go