[1/11/2018 6:20:35 AM] Squirrel: Tired, just watching a speed running marathon
[1/11/2018 6:21:38 AM] bucketfan4life: Okay.
[1/11/2018 6:21:44 AM] Acrobat Torres: alive.  getting link lost in a maze to avoid sleep and ignore pain.
[1/11/2018 6:21:58 AM] Acrobat Torres: oh and not at all plotting where to bury my teenager
[1/11/2018 6:27:30 AM] Shea: Teenagers will be teenagers.
[1/11/2018 6:28:10 AM] Acrobat Torres: eh. she is worse than most and treats me like an evil stepmum as often as she can, no thanks to her poisonous mother
[1/11/2018 6:29:17 AM] Squirrel: I doubt she’s that bad if she isn’t in jail, runaway, drug addicted, or pregnant.
[1/11/2018 6:29:32 AM] Acrobat Torres: I've dealt with foster kids
[1/11/2018 6:29:55 AM] Acrobat Torres: and she treats me with a lot more disrespect than several of those.
[1/11/2018 6:30:14 AM] Squirrel: You have to earn a child’s respect. Just saying.
[1/11/2018 6:30:24 AM] Acrobat Torres: I've known her since she was 5
[1/11/2018 6:30:31 AM] Acrobat Torres: I have been here for her through thick and thin
[1/11/2018 6:30:42 AM] Squirrel: And? Respect isn’t automatic.
[1/11/2018 6:30:47 AM] Acrobat Torres: I have been on her side, I have done all I can to help her through rough shit
[1/11/2018 6:31:15 AM] Acrobat Torres: I deserve more respect than I get. Ask Sage.
[1/11/2018 6:32:23 AM] Shea: You also can't force someone to respect you. The most you can do is suck it up, and accept the fact that even if she's not grateful for what you do for her, you still continue to be there for her. That's called being a parent
[1/11/2018 6:33:40 AM] Acrobat Torres: Yeah, like I said, I've known her since she was 5.  She calls me mum at times, and we weren't too bad before she was with her mother for 3 weeks that has no issue calling me names and saying shit about me to her daughter.
[1/11/2018 6:33:54 AM] Acrobat Torres: but whatever.
[1/11/2018 6:35:03 AM] Shea: She's also a teenager. The hormones are starting to kick in, she's very easily influenced by everything around her because she's trying to find her place in the world, and so any parental figure of hers is going to receive unnecessary backlash. That's just how the world works. Everyone goes through it.
[1/11/2018 6:35:57 AM] Acrobat Torres: and like I said.  I have dealt with foster kids.  I know how kids work. Just saying I am sick of the bullshit that happens when she gets home from her mums.
[1/11/2018 6:36:01 AM] Shea: So it's your job to make sure that despite the backlash you're receiving now, that you continue to be there for her so when she wakes up in a couple of years, she'll realize who she has to turn to when the world swallows her whole
[1/11/2018 6:37:09 AM] Shea: I've dealt with foster kids as well. All of my little cousins who I'm very close to are teenagers. And right now I'm the devil because I hold them responsible 4 things. But I'm not going to sit back and call them names and pull the pity card just because I've been cussed out once or twice.
[1/11/2018 6:37:28 AM] Acrobat Torres: oh trust me, I am always here for her, even after she's done calling me a fat bitch for the 100th time because I won't let her wander the streets at whatever hour she wants with her friend
[1/11/2018 6:37:44 AM] Acrobat Torres: or because she can't stay up all night like her mother lets her -_-
[1/11/2018 6:38:30 AM] Shea: Yeah, a teenager is going to lash out about those things.
[1/11/2018 6:39:09 AM] Acrobat Torres: mum buys her everything and lets her do whatever she wants, so because we have rules here and I am home to enforce them a bit more than Kala, I cop ALL the attitude. I know that's what teenagers do, but it's just relentless.  If she was like nice to me sometimes even, it wouldn't be so damn draining
[1/11/2018 6:40:01 AM] Shea: And all you're really going to be able to do is smile and Nod and keep your foot down. Teenagers are rarely nice, especially to authority figures
[1/11/2018 6:42:51 AM] Acrobat Torres: thus why i envision burying her waist deep in the back yard for a little while... just to escape.  Would never do it, but my god she just rips at me and finds all my anxities and plays on them
[1/11/2018 6:43:43 AM] Shea: Welcome to having a teenager in the household. Now imagine having three of them under your care. Welcome to my world.
[1/11/2018 6:45:00 AM] Acrobat Torres: I've had two and the kid that made us quit foster care was like having... no, none, he was like have a gremlin in the house.  I was afraid of sleeping after he tried to beat me with a cricket bat
[1/11/2018 6:45:00 AM] Shea: 16, 13, and 13. Say one cross thing in the room and they all come after you at the same time.
[1/11/2018 6:45:50 AM] Shea: The 16 year old has hit me more than once. He's also 6'2" and weighs about 240lbs and that's not fat
[1/11/2018 6:46:27 AM] Shea: He shoved me, he's thrown things at me, he's called me some of the meanest things I've ever heard in my life, but at the end of the day he knows that no matter what I will still be there for him.
[1/11/2018 6:49:18 AM] Acrobat Torres: our FS tore up his room, threatened horrible things to my SD, threatened my nephew, constantly caused punchups at school, lied about Sage and I, slapped, kicked and hit me with a cricket bat, threw things at me, demanded we buy unnecessary items or he'd make up things about us.  We were his 7th home in 8 years I think and in the end, he decided he didn't want to live with us anymore despite us trying to be here for him because we wouldn't buy a $200 scooter for him for Christmas when he already had a decent scooter.  So yeah, I know it could be worse.
[1/11/2018 6:50:05 AM] Acrobat Torres: but teenage girls are just mean.
[1/11/2018 6:51:04 AM] Shea: Yes they are. And you can't always just blame the mother. I'm sure she has influences at school, and she's trying to earn her rank by being a mean bitch because she has more ground to cover to fit in because her real parents are divorced.
[1/11/2018 6:51:37 AM] Acrobat Torres: oh no. you have no idea what her mother is like and the damage her years living with her has done.
[1/11/2018 6:52:44 AM] Acrobat Torres: this woman should not be allowed to have children but our broken system can't act upon.  There are reasons why my SD has problems, there is no denying that and I wish I could just fix them all and yeah...
[1/11/2018 6:53:21 AM] Shea: Then I think if this kid is not doing hard drugs, drinking, smoking, and Pregnant then I say you're doing a pretty damn good job.
[1/11/2018 6:53:50 AM] Shea: If she's just a bitch, consider yourself lucky.
[1/11/2018 6:53:58 AM] Acrobat Torres: we tried to get me SD living here 4 years ago because of things but it was just a mess and because we are in different states... dammit
[1/11/2018 6:54:21 AM] Acrobat Torres: well... kid does claim she does weed back at mums and drinks there.
[1/11/2018 6:55:17 AM] Shea: She can claim it all she wants to. If she's not running off with cops bringing her home in the middle of the night saying she's being let off with a warning, or you having to head down to the precinct to pick her up at 2 a.m. Then you're okay
[1/11/2018 6:55:35 AM] Shea: Teenagers lie to see what they can get away with
[1/11/2018 6:55:50 AM] Acrobat Torres: but she thankfully has enough respect for the fact that Sage wants to be a cop, she doesn't do it here.  Though she got tangled in with the stoners at her school here just after she started and they accused her of stuff that was impossible.  Though she doesn't help herself by telling them she was in a 'gang' in wagga and that she smoked weed all the time and shit like that
[1/11/2018 6:56:46 AM] Shea: Trust me if she's a teenager she's old enough just sneak off and do these things on her own. Also if weed's only thing she's going after, then you're still doing something right
[1/11/2018 6:57:32 AM] Acrobat Torres: we  do know her mums boy'f sells weed.  and that there was ice users on her street, I think that scared her.  Her mums place has been burnt down by an ex twice and the car once.  It's a fucked up place
[1/11/2018 6:58:24 AM] Acrobat Torres: and we try.  Doesn't mean I don't wanna pull a homer and wring her neck at times.   It's draining to try and show her the right way after all the damage her bloody mother has done
[1/11/2018 6:58:51 AM] Shea: You literally just told me where the lashing out is coming from. It's not because of you. You're just the target because you're around her the most right now
[1/11/2018 6:59:47 AM] Shea: Even if it doesn't look like she is listening to you, she probably is. If you are the more stable half of her lifestyle, then literally this lashing out that you're seeing is her relieving internal stress
[1/11/2018 6:59:59 AM] Acrobat Torres: well her dad and I
[1/11/2018 7:00:01 AM] Shea: It's hard enough to be a teenager, now imagine being a teenager living in hell
[1/11/2018 7:00:07 AM] Acrobat Torres: we are on the same page
[1/11/2018 7:00:21 AM] Acrobat Torres: eh.  I don't have to imagine it. my childhood was a clusterfuck
[1/11/2018 7:01:04 AM] Shea: So was mine. I was the teenager that snuck out all the time. I was the teenager that was brought home in a cop car more than once for getting caught in a rough part of town earning money through fighting people under a bridge
[1/11/2018 7:02:03 AM] Shea: I had a mother who openly admitted she didn't love me. I had a father who really only acknowledge my existence enough to show that he cared, but was too worn down by my narcissistic mother to really be there for me. I had to raise myself from age 6.
[1/11/2018 7:02:11 AM] Shea: I get it.
[1/11/2018 7:02:41 AM] Shea: So quit complaining about her, and be proud of the fact that despite the fact that she's obviously living in hell, she still alive. Trust me at this age that's considered a bonus
[1/11/2018 7:02:45 AM] Acrobat Torres: I moved out of home at 15 after punching holes in the walls and all sorts of other fun. I was never brought home by the cops though but that's because I am literally terrified of them because of other fucked up shit I won't get into but yeah.  So I can empathise with her.  And I love her so much it hurts
[1/11/2018 7:03:26 AM] Acrobat Torres: but I am allowed to be fucking tired of the constant attitude.
[1/11/2018 7:03:41 AM] Acrobat Torres: and thankfully I have people in my life that get that
[1/11/2018 7:04:04 AM] Shea: Then act like it so you don't give this group a false impression. And yes you are, but that doesn't give you the right to say nothing but cruel things about her in our presence.
[1/11/2018 7:04:19 AM] Acrobat Torres: omg it wasn't even fucking serious
[1/11/2018 7:04:40 AM] Shea: It's fine to vent, but talk about some positive things about the Kid, too.
[1/11/2018 7:04:46 AM] Acrobat Torres: as if I would really do that.  It was more sheer exasperation after a trying day with a teenager
[1/11/2018 7:05:04 AM] Acrobat Torres: people are allowed to bitch about shit from work
[1/11/2018 7:06:09 AM] Shea: Yes but if you notice we still talk about the positives in our work, too.
[1/11/2018 7:06:24 AM] Shea: So really quick, name three things you love about this girl.
[1/11/2018 7:07:18 AM] Acrobat Torres: her generosity
her creativeness
and her sense of humour.
[1/11/2018 7:07:29 AM] Acrobat Torres: I never said I hated her.
[1/11/2018 7:08:02 AM] Shea: But with the amount of ranting you were doing, joking or not, it was the impression you were leading on. Consider this a lesson I'm not targeting you
[1/11/2018 7:08:08 AM] Acrobat Torres: just that i was frustrated with the attitude today.
[1/11/2018 7:08:49 AM] Acrobat Torres: yeah, it's called frustration.  I've seen others rant here about things too.  Didn't realise I wasn't allowed to.
[1/11/2018 7:09:19 AM] Shea: There's a huge difference between ranting about a child and ranting about workplace frustrations.
[1/11/2018 7:09:52 AM] Acrobat Torres: ranting about frustration is one and the same.  What if I was a stay at home mother, that would be my job wouldn't it
[1/11/2018 7:10:19 AM] Shea: The best way I can say it, is imagine if she read these messages. Would she be okay after that?
[1/11/2018 7:10:57 AM] Shea: Stay at home mom work frustrations are things like getting told that the house isn't clean enough after you spent all day cleaning it. Or that you finally managed to get the living room cleaned and the kid came around and completely wrecked it 10 minutes later.
[1/11/2018 7:11:20 AM] Acrobat Torres: you know what, all I did was give a throw away joke about being frustated at being spoken to like shit all day by a teenager.
[1/11/2018 7:11:41 AM] Acrobat Torres: forget it. I thought this was a safe place where we could talk shit out without being condescended to
[1/11/2018 7:11:47 AM] *** Acrobat Torres has left ***