And just like that, Jade's awake again.

Reality comes rushing back to her, hard, fast. Almost too fast. To go from the strange, barely aware conduit she was for someone else's power, to having her own thoughts again, own feelings. Suddenly she can feel the clothes on her body, the air on her face, her ass in the seat she's found herself in, the uncomfortable way her tail is tucked up against it. To have personhood thrust back onto her so suddenly, it's almost overwhelming. Her breath catches in her throat, and it feels strange to even breathe. To force herself to exhale. To put herself in this moment- she's here. She's a person again. She's back.

She's back.

...Oh no.

She CAN'T be back. She's not supposed to be back! If she's back, then this won't stop. Dirk won't stop. She needs to be gone, she needs to be a barrier against his influence, to save all her friends and keep them from getting any more messed up than they already have.

This isn't his fault, is it?? Did he do this to her?? No, he can't have, Calliope wouldn't... but he already put a stop to her once. Acted beyond the cherub's control, and put her conduit to sleep.

Where is she?

She looks around, examining her surroundings for the first time. A bedroom, unfamiliar to her. Not that surprising. She's lost count of how many times she's woken up in unfamiliar bedrooms. A bed. A couch. A table. A few objects strewn about. A wheelchair, which she realizes she's sitting in.

She stands up. Examines things more closely. The bed is perfectly made, untouched. The room is unfamiliar, but the objects aren't. A bass propped on a stand on the wall. A small pile of manthro chaps. A pair of squiddles on the table, carefully placed and tangled together. Things taken from her house, a place she hasn't been to in ages. Some small attempt at making this room that she's been left in her's. A way of saying, "I know it's you, Jade, I know you like these things, and maybe it'll give you some form of happiness as you're afflicted by whatever's wrong with you."

An intimate, caring gesture. Maybe where ever she is isn't quite as bad as she thinks.

But isn't that his whole thing? Dirk thinks he knows everyone. Thinks he knows what's best for everyone. Toss a few things from her childhood in there in some weird way to try and help her. Suddenly, the message being delivered is completely different. "I know you like this stupid baby stuff, so just take it and be happy while the more important people do their work. That's what's best for you."

Her heart's racing, She needs to get out of this room and find out where she is, what happened, why she's back, how to fix it. She approaches the door, looking for the handle, but it's flat. Featureless. Smooth. But there's a control panel next to the door, with a small, green button.

Jade Harley hesitate, afraid of what answers she might find beyond.

...Is she? Is she, though? The thought pops into her head, and she has to wonder, is it her own thought? She's awake, after all. She can't trust her thoughts. She's back, after all. The narrative is unprotected. This could be Dirk's way of containing her, keeping her from acting. Try as she might, though, the fear's still real. Still there. Fear of the answers she'll find, and... something else, something she's tried hard to forget. Whether it's real or not, though, she needs to act. Needs to push herself past this fear.

Her friends need her. After all, she's back, she can go to them.

And she needs their help to be gone again.

She presses the button. The door slides open.

Jade Harley feels a wave of nausea rush over her at the sight.

She almost laughs at how absurd it is that this is what makes her feel that way. After all the blood, and murder, and violence, and death, and her own death, multiple times, that it's this that's almost too much to take.

It's a hallway.

Long. Metal. Sterile. Uniform. Right across from her, an identical door. On either side of it, more doors. All along the hallway, doors. Like her's. Sleeping quarters. Small, efficiently designed rooms, for a long trip. A long, long trip.

Jade Harley is on a ship.

And Jade Harley is alone.

Memories are rushing back into her mind, unbidden. Depression. Loss. Loneliness. One of the worst, unhappiest times of her entire life, something she's tried every day to escape from and never have to relive, piled onto all the problems she's already dealing with. The anxiety pile doesn't stop from getting taller. She wants to scream, but she's afraid that if she opens her mouth she'll throw up, or that someone will hear her, that Dirk will come running down the halls.

Or even worse, that nobody will come.

Jade Harley presses a hand to the wall, steadying herself. Resists the urge to start heaving, to double over. But she can't give in. Pushes the thought out of her head as quickly as they come. Doesn't even matter whether it's really her's or not, she has to act, she has to keep moving. Keep moving. Don't stop. Don't think. At least not too much. Basic thoughts. Instincts. No room for misinterpretation. No room for someone to make her second guess herself.

Looks through the guns in her sylladex. Weapons she hasn't touched in years. Went on the shooting ranges of Earth C a few times, back in the early days. Too loud for her sensitive doggy ears. Too violent for her meager human spirit. Didn't care for it anymore. Stopped. Decided to try and do more positive things. Spend time with people. Have fun. Make herself feel good, instead of bad.

Off topic. Don't get carried away, don't space out. Remember what you're here for, and why you can't be here.

Violence. Don't like it. Made a decision to give up on it a while ago. Dirk Strider must be stopped. But you'd rather not do it like this.

Didn't work out last time, though. Tried to be friendly. Make the fighting stop. Got decked for her trouble. Fighting continued anyway.

Not this time.

A rifle materializes in her hands. She grasps it firmly. Been years, but still familiar. Steels herself. Takes a breath. If she has to do it, she will.

Starts running. To the end of the hall. More halls. More rooms. Considers slowing down to check each one. No time. Have to keep moving. Can't slow down. Can't think.

Another hall. Still empty. Nobody here. Has to find Dirk. Stop him. Find friends. Help them. Find anyone. Do anything.

Running isn't fast enough. Fly. Fast. Faster. Wild hair fluttering in the air. Wind on her face. Weird urge to stick her tongue out in the breeze??? Ignore that. Dog instinct. Couldn't even if she wanted to. Fangs bared, jaws clenched shut.

Turns another corner. Flying as fast as she- SEES SOMEONE. SEES SOMEONE. JADE SEES SOMEONE!! Roxy!! And Roxy looks... afraid? Jumps back, holds his hands in front of him, eyes wide, before Jade stops flying- the wind she'd kicked up blowing past Roxy, blowing back his hair and knocking his sunglasses askew.

JADE: oh my gosh, roxy! its really you!!! im so glad to see you!!!
ROXY: uhhhh... yeah, hey?? lmao, you really gave me a fright there girl!
JADE: uhh... i did???
ROXY: yeah??? liek, just flyin in all superfast with a crazy intense angry look on your face and your big sharp teeth out and a fucking gun??? flyin strait at me at mach 2??? forgive me for bein a bit, dare i say.... freked out

Jade pauses, looks down at herself. Starts to relax. Not completely, but... well, she at least feels like she doesn't need to be on quite as high alert anymore. She can definitely see how she might have been... intimidating, just now. Her feet descend, until they tap against the ground, and she takes a few breaths. Calm, even measured. Jade lets the weapon disappear back into her sylladex. Laughs a bit, and tries not to make it too awkward.


JADE: haha, yeah, i... guess i might have gone a little overboard there!
JADE: i mean, not that there isnt cause to freak out!!
ROXY: oh yeah ur totally right!! youre finally awake! cmon, we gotta go tell everyone else!

The words make sense to Jade, but not quite the tone. Or the wide smile. Is Roxy... happy? Why is he happy? Is Jade misinterpreting his face or something?? It wouldn't be the first time she's been confused, having to deal with vocal tone and body language on top of just the plain words that someone's saying. Actually saying, not just typing out. But... no, no, he's definitely happy! He's grabbing her arm and moving to excitedly drag her to the rest of his friends. Why is he happy she's back??

She plants her feet on the ground, skidding a bit. Roxy hadn't been expecting it, and stumbles, nearly falling over, having to grasp onto Jade's arm to avoid it.

JADE: whoaaaaa, whoa whoa whoa, wait!! hold up, roxy, this isnt a GOOD thing!!!
ROXY: ...is it not???
JADE: of course not!! you do remember WHY i was all out of it, dont you?
ROXY: iunno. some freaky creepy shit possessing you?

Jade sighs, and rests a hand on her face, pinching the bridge of her nose.

JADE: no, roxy. or... well maybe a little but like, i wouldnt put it so badly!!
JADE: but alt callie is nice, okay?? and me being like that is necessary!
ROXY: is it
JADE: yes!! if im NOT like that, then dirks going to start fucking with all our heads again!
JADE: for all we know hes doing it right now!
ROXY: thats... ok yeah not gonna argue thats prtty bad
ROXY: but do you really gotta be all... like that, to deal with it??
ROXY: cause like i dont care if its good or not
ROXY: it creeps me out
ROXY: and it makes me feel bad seein u like that
ROXY: dead eyes and unmoving except like
ROXY: when u point at shit all mysterious like
ROXY: its a lot nicer seeing you like this

Roxy looks... sad? Compassionate? Kind of happy? Jade can't quite read his face, which makes it all the more confusing, when he rests a hand on her arm. Strokes it. Tenderly?

JADE: ...uhhhh
JADE: are you like! not in a thing with callie??
JADE: cause, i mean. im not gonna say no, but...
ROXY: PFFFFTFTTT OMG, JADE
ROXY: omg sweetie
ROXY: not everythings always about sex jeez

Roxy laughs, and the armstroking changes to some good natured backpatting. Right, of course. Just, friendly stuff! Roxy felt bad for her, and tried to just offer a comforting touch! Even if Jade herself didn't feel bad. Which must be why she got confused by the intent, there! She didn't get confused because it's been so long since she had any real connections with people that weren't flings, or her dropping by Davekat's place to spend at least half her time trying to seduce them.

...Jade's really gotta get herself knocked out again.

JADE: oh, whoops! sorry!
JADE: but hey, what can i say! its not my fault that youre super hot ;P
ROXY: oh bby trust me i know it
ROXY: my hotness aside tho, we srsly gotta go let everyone know youre awake!
JADE: well... yes!
JADE: i suppose that is true!
JADE: but its not a celebration, ok??? were only telling them so they can figure out a way to get me back under, and get alt callie back in control of the narrative
JADE: no tearful reunions or fond embraces, ok?? thatd be an absolute disaster
ROXY: super lame but sure i guess

	___________________________


This is an absolute disaster.

JAKE: Oh god, Jade! We missed you so muuuu-uuu-uuuch!!

Even after having explained the whole situation, Jake still... keeps doing this. Getting overwhelmed by emotion, and rushing up to hug her, and crying, and just... being an absolute mess. And Jade's trying not to hold it against him- Dirk did a hell of a number on the guy, it's not surprising that he's still emotionally fragile.

She just wishes he'd stop getting tears and snot on her shirt and oh god no he's moving in to rub faces.

KANAYA: Okay Jake I Think Thats Quite Enough
KANAYA: After Four Of Those Hugs I Think Jade Quite Gets The Picture
JADE: yes!!! very much so, thank you!
JAKE: Yes yes, i suppose youre right. Gadzooks, im just happy to see you up and about again!

Jade has never been more grateful to Kanaya in her entire life, as she assists in pulling her grandfather/grandson/father/friend off of her.

KANAYA: Still Though
KANAYA: Though I Do Not Quite Share His Exuberance I Do Have To Agree That Its Nice To See You Again

Nope nevermind, gratitude rescinded.

JADE: i really wish youd all stop saying that...
DAVE: ok yeah but see jade
DAVE: youre like our friend?
DAVE: our weird horny dog friend thats a little too fond of yiffing but still our friend
DAVE: like even if its technically a bad thing its just like
DAVE: iunno a little too hard to really wrap our minds around and junk
JADE: yes, i know its confusing, but-
DAVE: no its not confusing
DAVE: like i get it. i already wrapped my mind around that part, how it works and everything, controlling our thoughts
DAVE: i just mean in the sense that like
DAVE: its such a not urgent seeming problem right
KANAYA: I Would Like To Disagree
DAVE: ok ok yeah vampires on the warpath again everyone stay the fuck out of the way
DAVE: nothings standing between her chainsaw and the person who took her true love
DAVE: thats not irony or anything by the way i mean that
DAVE: like damn when you get going youre really scary
DAVE: terrified out of my boots here whenever you get that look on your face where i know youre thinking about how hard youre gonna split my bro in half
DAVE: which like i get it i have some hella complicated feelings about the guy right now but i get it
DAVE: the guys like my bro and all and for a while i thought we really connected and were chill but then everything just-
KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD, GET TO THE GODDAMN POINT.
JADE: yeah, i gotta agree with karkat here :T
DAVE: ugh fine
DAVE: ok so the point is its just sort of a threat thats a little hard to get riled up about in the immediate sense?
DAVE: like he gets in control of the narrative. which is like kind of mind control but not really because its just a bunch of words and like
DAVE: believe me i know its bad i know its hells of bad
DAVE: but its just so
DAVE: abstract
DAVE: insubstantial
DAVE: its hard to get worked up about when i cant see or feel anything
DAVE: and all of us kinda know what to look out for now and i dont think anybodys noticed any unusual thoughts going through our heads
DAVE: so all im really seeing and feeling is
DAVE: im seeing that youre back
DAVE: and im feeling pretty good about it
DAVE: and i dont see whats wrong with enjoying that youre back until we get this sorted out
DAVE: see even karkats happy to see you again

Dave gives an affectionate nudge to Karkat's side with his elbow, and gives a thumbs up, with that subtle, barely noticable signature Strider smile. Karkat rolls his eyes, and uncrosses his arms to give a somewhat half-hearted thumbs up as well.

And... Karkat doesn't move away from the affectionate touch, Jade notices. Doesn't immediately put a large gap between them. They're very nearly touching shoulders- close enough that they actually ARE touching shoulders occasionally. And neither one seems bothered by it.

...Are they... still together?? It seems like it's been a while, since Alt Callie put the narrative on hold. Turned it all to white noise, and put an end to Jade's ability to see through her. She hasn't really been able to think in that time, hasn't really existed, but... still, she kinda thought after Dirk's machinations came to light, they'd... get distant again? Realize it wasn't really them feeling those things and getting that close?

Maybe they just decided they didn't care where the feelings came from, now that they were together. Or, maybe they were going to wind up together anyway, even if Dirk hadn't interfered. His presence was just a pushy, annoying, insulting commentary on events he had little to do with. That it was just a natural result, once Jade was out of the picture. She sure as shit didn't help matters in that saccharine sweet timeline she witnessed.

She's just... better off alone, really. Better off staying out of everyone's lives. Better off suffering, alone, for years, while everyone else's lives improve and they all have 3 years of fun together. Everyone happy but her. Better off an empty, meaningless, unfeeling vessel, so everyone else is protected. They should be glad she's gone, banished to irrelevance so everyone else can be happy.

ROXY: hey uh
ROXY: jade
ROXY: u ok
ROXY: got kinda that freaky look on your face again

There's a hand on her arm again, and Jade suddenly realizes how long she's been quiet. How her gaze drifted down to the ground, lips pursed, an intense look in her eyes. Fists clenched. Everyone's looking at her, a bit uncomfortable. Dave's smile has faltered, and Karkat now is letting actual concern show on his face.

Jade shakes her head, trying to dispell the pile-up of thoughts in her head.

JADE: yeah, im
JADE:
JADE: no
JADE: no im not ok
JADE: maybe you all, are, but
JADE: theres something going on with me!
JADE: i just... im having all these thoughts! about... things!
KANAYA: What Things
JADE: things!!!
JADE: things i
JADE: dont normally let myself think about!!!
ROXY: ok yeh but wut things
DAVE: yeah like cmon
JADE: its none of your fucking business!!!

Jade's shouting, and her fists clench tighter. She can feel her nails digging into her palm- she's never actually believed that someone getting so worked up they cut themself that way was something that happened in real life, but suddenly she can see how someone might actually do it. She's angry, and she's, sad, and she, feels hopeless, and it's all just spiraling out of control all of a sudden, and she can't remember ever feeling like this before. The last time she woke up she was angry about what Dirk did, but she was focused, and she was determined to tell them, share the messages she needed to share, do what she had to do, but now... her emotions aren't fueling her, they're destroying her. Making her useless. Jade Harley cannot be useless. Even if she needs to suffer for it, even if she needs to disappear, she needs to help her friends and SHE ISN'T. WHY IS IT GETTING WORSE. WHY, WHY IS SHE AWAKE WHY IS SHE HERE WHY AREN'T THEY HELPING PUT HER BACK TO SLEEP WHY ARE THEY HAPPY SHE'S BACK WHY IS SHE LIKE THIS?!

KANAYA: Jade I Understand If It Might Be Upsetting But We Really Do Need To Know
KANAYA: If Dirk Is Manipulating Your Thoughts Then We Need To Know How So We Can Understand What He Is After
JADE: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
JADE: BACK OFF!!!
KANAYA: I

Kanaya stops, takes a step back. She's never seen Jade like this before. Nobody has. Everyone's uncomfortable. Everyone's uncomfortable and it's all her fault. There's a brief moment of silence, save for Jade's breathing, labored, hissing through her teeth, before Kanaya steps forward again, voice quiet, gentle, caring.

KANAYA: Jade
KANAYA: Please
KANAYA: I Need Your Help
KANAYA: I Might Never See Rose Again If You Dont
JADE: AAAAAAAA!!!!!

Jade breaks. She screams. Tears are streaming down her face, as she lets out a primal howl. All she needs to do is talk, it's so simple, it's so easy, just say what's in her head, but her thoughts are so awful, so horrible- no, no, they're not, she's right, SHE'S horrible, better off gone, she's right she's right she's right she's right she's right she's completely right so why does she feel this way, why are these thoughts ruining her, why are they making her feel so bad.

Everyone takes a step back from her sudden outburst- but then they take a step forward again. Several hands raise up, the beginning of a comforting gesture, wasted on someone that doesn't deserve it. She's not letting them waste any more time on her. She turns, runs. Flies. Faster, back to her room, back to whatever she's passing off as her home right now.

Alone.

Jade doesn't want to be alone. But she can't inflict herself on her friends anymore. Especially not when she's like this. She can't do this to them.

She sits down on the bed. Looks at the little pair of tangle buddies on the table beside it. The two of them, intertwined, tentacles intermingling. She thinks she's spent enough time with Callie, observing the nature of the universe, and the narrative, to recognize what it is.

A symbolic gesture from her friends. A way to show that, even while she was comatose, they were together. Still friends. And whenever she came back to them, they'd still be together.

She picks the pair up, looking down at them idly. Her expression so much more... neutral. Blank. Tired. Not at all like the whirling tempest she had just a moment ago.

Maybe it's easier this way, she thinks. Feeling things, alone. Not having to face other people. Not having to admit the ways that she feels. She toys with the tentacles,flopping them about a bit to give herself something to do. Being confronted by other people, having to admit how... bad she feels, was so much more torturous. Too torturous to actually go through with. Obviously.

Which is why she's alone. On a ship. For who knows how long. Only, this time she's choosing to be alone. Of course she is.

She looks at the tangle buddies again. Wonders if her friends intended the symbolism when they set them here, or whether they were unaware instruments of whatever's controlling the narrative right now.

Either way, they were wrong.

Jade pulls the tangle buddies apart, until the magnetic bond between them breaks. No longer tangled or buddies. Just two seperate squiddles. Holding them in her hands, feeling the weight of them. The overly powerful magnets inside the silly children's toy trying to bring them back together.

She tosses one of them across the room. Make them too distant for it to matter anymore.

It's better this way.

She feels bad. Horrible. The worst time of her life all over again, only now she's willingly inflicting it on herself.

But it's not as bad as admitting all that. Why she's a failure. Why she can't help her friends.

They'll stop by, she's sure. Come to check on her in a while. But she doubts they'll want to push things any further after that outburst. A minimum of words. Then back to peaceful melancholy. She thinks she finally understands why Jadesprite fucked off and never went talking to any of her friends again.

Wait for them to find a way to fix this. To put her into blissful nonexistence again.

And... if it's not possible. If she's going to be stuck like this, then.

Then.

...Then.

Well, she'll find a different way to not exist. It'd be a just death, of course. She certainly deserves it.

And now she thinks she understands Jadesprite's desire to die again, too.

She supposes they weren't really so different after all. Of course not. Jade Harley may not have an awareness of her Ultimate Self, but she's seen enough to grasp the basics. How every version of her is her. How she's capable of all these things. It's not even the only  time she's been made aware of it. It wasn't that long ago that she watched another version of herself, kick her shoes off and swim towards a black hole. Sacrificing herself to aid another. Calliope.

It'd all be so beyond her, if it weren't for Calliope. Her place in life. How she ruins her friend's lives. How she's better off gone and out of the way. All she can offer is a noble sacrifice, be it her happiness, her need for companionship, her life. Even her relevance, which she has learned is, in some ways, even more important.

Jade sure owes her a lot. She should thank her sometime, if she ever gets the chance.

Jade's just in the middle of contemplating retrieving one of her rifles again, when the air cracks. Space warps in front of her, there's a gust as the air is pushed out of the way to make room for the appearance of someone else.

JADE: hello.
JADE: ...i, uh. hey

It's... Jade. But not Jade. Not this Jade, at least. A Jade that Jade recognizes. Younger than her. Wearing her god tier outfit, with a rip in the chest. Missing her shoes. One she'd just been thinking about. One that'd become a vessel for Calliope, in a far more literal sense than this Jade did. Not merely a conduit, but a body that she actually inhabits, and takes full control of. Eyes like black voids. Standing with so much more confidence, and strength than Jade has ever had. The air around her rippling with unspeakable power.

JADE: did... did you hear... i mean, not hear, but... did you, know i wanted to thank you??
JADE: yes.
JADE: oh
JADE: um, ok then!
JADE: uh, than-
JADE: that is not why i am here.
JADE: um, but you just said
JADE: i heard it. that does not mean i desire it, or agree with it.
JADE: oh... well, um. ok, i guess that makes sense then, callie
JADE: that is not my name.
JADE: oh! okay, sorry, our calliope is okay with that as a nickname, but i guess-
JADE: calliope is no longer my name either
JADE: ...huh???
JADE: calliope is the name of the corporeal body which i once inhabited.
JADE: it is gone now, consumed to secure a victory against my brother, and to bolser my strength for future threats such as the prince.
JADE: ...im, not sure i really get it! arent you still calliope?
JADE: it is not necessary that you understand.
JADE: ...ok, um... then, what DO i call you???
JADE: if you must give me a moniker, then it would be jade.
JADE: but... IM jade! wouldnt that be a bit confusing???
(JADE): perhaps. this may be a viable solution for now.
JADE: what? but you didnt
JADE: oh. oh, ok, i see now
JADE: sorry, im still not used to this whole... thing
JADE: im just more used to things being pretty straightforward and simple!
JADE: i mean, i saw all that stuff while i was your conduit, but... its still a little hard to wrap my head around!
(JADE): i know.
(JADE): you are not used to the narrative shining its spotlight upon you.

Calliope- or, (Jade) she guesses, she's just going to keep calling her Calliope in her head- except, wait, that isn't like... offensive or anything, is it?? Respecting someone's new name and new identity is a pretty darn important thing to be doing! But, then... on the other hand, Calliope is alien. REALLY alien. Not in the way that trolls are alien, or chess people, or consorts, but in a way that she really can't quite hope to understand. She doesn't seem invested in her name or identity at all, it doesn't matter to her. But, then... it did matter enough for her to correct Jade on it, so (Jade) it is, then.

...Where was she again? She instinctively looks at her fingers, for the colorful reminders that she stopped wearing a while ago. Shit. She totally lost her train of thought and forgot what she was thinking about. On the bright side, though, (Jade) doesn't seem too bothered. She's even less experienced in conversations than Jade is. She doesn't seem to have acknowledged the awkward pause at all.

JADE: ...im sorry, whatd you say again???
(JADE): you are not used to the narrative shining its spotlight upon you.

Yep. (Jade) just repeats it word for word, expressing no hint that she's impatient or annoyed or anything by Jade's failure to pay attention.

JADE: right, right. yeah
JADE: its... yeah
JADE: i mean, of course you know that!
JADE: its... better that way
(JADE): no. it is not.

That definitely throws Jade for a loop. She stands still, mouth open in a half-formed word, expression unshifting for a few moments, as her mind processes what she just heard. It's... NOT better this way???

JADE: i... but. i ruin EVERYTHING??
(JADE): no. you do not.
JADE: ok yes not *literally* everything
JADE: but MOST things!
(JADE): perhaps.
(JADE): perhaps not.
(JADE): it is not my place or within my expertise to say.
JADE: ...ok
JADE: then what ARE you here to say?
JADE: because suddenly nothings making sense anymore
(JADE): i made you into my conduit in order to protect this universe and the people within it.
(JADE): to ensure that they do not come to harm due to any outside forces.
(JADE): however, a sacrifice needed to be made.
(JADE): in the process, i was forced to cause harm to one of those people.
JADE: you didnt harm me. you HELPED me
JADE: you helped everyone
(JADE): whether my actions were ultimately beneficial to you or not is irrelevant
JADE: what the fuck
JADE: how the fuck is that NOT relevant?!
(JADE): you misunderstand what it is i wish to protect.
(JADE): it is not your happiness. it is not your lives.
(JADE): in many stories, there are unhappy times. there are lives lost.
(JADE): all i wish to protect is your agency.
(JADE): to act as more than puppets for an uncaring and biased puppetmaster.
(JADE): whether that leads you to be happy or not is not my concern.
(JADE): it is not relevant.

Jade... Jade... Jade is... Jade is so confused. Her mind is struggling. She thought... she thought she understood. She saw so many things. About herself. Her friends. How they came together without her. How she pushed them apart with her. How things were so much better when she was alone.

JADE: ...why
JADE: why me, then
JADE: if my agency is so important, then WHY ME???

(Jade) is... quiet for a moment. Just a moment. The briefest hesitation.

(JADE): it was convenient.
(JADE): you were in the right place. your current actions were not relevant.
(JADE): i stripped you of your agency and your relevance, so that i could protect so much more.
(JADE): it was regrettable.
(JADE): that is why i am here now.
JADE: what, to apologize?
(JADE): no.
(JADE): i do not regret what i did. it was necessary.
(JADE): even if the damage done to you is irreparable, i do not regret it.
JADE: wow. thanks
JADE:  youre such a good protector, (jade)

(Jade) doesn't respoond to the sarcasm, or the biting tone. She continues on, undeterred.

(JADE): when i said that is why i am here now, i was referring to this universe.
(JADE): i have entered it so that i no longer need rely on you to be my conduit.
(JADE): my will is now carried out through this corpse. one for whom agency and relevance was never an option.
(JADE): leaving you free.
(JADE): however, it quickly became clear that was not enough.
(JADE): you have been damaged in ways which i can only understand from an outside perspective.

Jade frowns, crosses her arms. holds them in close to herself, over her stomach. Curls in on herself a bit. Looks down at her knees.

JADE: you mean... you saw how bad i was feeling
JADE: how i... i
JADE: i wanted to end my relevance and agency for good

(Jade) nods. A stiff, awkward motion, and Jade laughs.

JADE: haha... ha... wow
JADE: you... really are amazing, callie
JADE: you were able to read my mind from however far away you were... you probably know everything, dont you?
(JADE): no, i do not.
(JADE): i do not possess the ability to read your mind.
JADE: huh? but, you do such a good job, of like... yknow, writing for people, making it feel like... like its actually, them, you know?? at least compared to dirk, anyway...
(JADE): i am only aware of what the narrative has displayed, before the prince seized control of it.
(JADE): if my portrayals of you felt accurate, it is only due to careful observation.
(JADE): i do not truly know your thoughts. if i did, then the prince's plans against me would never have succeeded.
JADE: wait, then... then
JADE: youve... been reading the narrative about me!!!
JADE: oh god, dirk IS putting all these shitty thoughts into my head!!!!
(JADE): it is not the prince.
(JADE): he is incapable of interfering with the narrative so long as i am present.
JADE: oh... i... right, of course. duh
JADE: ...but, then.
JADE: then who IS in control of the narrative???

(Jade) pauses, and looks up. Sniffing at the air a bit, as if trying to use her body's heightened senses to try and detect something. After a moment, she looks back down, expression and black eyes still unchanged.

(JADE): one who holds far greater authority than the prince, or even i.
(JADE): similar to the one who controlled it before us. but different.
JADE: oh! um... okay... should i be... concerned about that, or...? and how are you sure theyre different??

She looks at Jade for a moment. Considering.

(JADE): i am certain it is not them. they have given up control of this story to others.
(JADE): i cannot say whether you should be concerned or not.
(JADE): they may wish you great harm, or great joy.
(JADE): i am certain of one thing, however.
(JADE): they have shined the light of the narrative upon you, jade harley.
(JADE): analysis of your thoughts. your feelings. these things that define you as human.
(JADE): you are not used to it.
(JADE): you have been in the spotlight, on the sidelines, but so rarely in the forefront.
(JADE): combined with the damage that my actions have done to you, it is no wonder the effects were disastrous.
(JADE): but however you choose to handle it from now is up to you.
(JADE): there is no greater purpose to the things i showed you beyond the knowledge you have gained of your ultimate self.
(JADE): you are capable of causing harm, as are we all. but you are not inherently a detriment to others.
(JADE): there is no greater purpose to your suffering beyond convenience or coincidence.
(JADE): it has merely happened.
(JADE): perhaps your presence will continue to harm those who you call friends, or perhaps they will enjoy your company.
(JADE): it is no longer my place to say.
(JADE): i only came to attempt to undo the damage i inadvertently brought to your perceptions.
(JADE): do with my information what you will.
(JADE): you will receive no further interference.
JADE: wait, i-

Jade holds a hand out- but (Jade) isn't one for sentimentality. With another crack of space warping, she's gone. Off to take care of Dirk herself, or offer silent and unobtrusive guidance, Jade... isn't sure.

She... she doesn't think she cares much, either. She's got a lot more on her mind now, and... the knowledge that she's ALLOWED to have more on her mind, she guesses. That attention is being paid to her thoughts.

It's a weird feeling. Kind of makes her want to not think.

Doesn't work very well. Thinking about not thinking is still thinking.

Things were simpler before she knew about any of this narrative stuff. So much simpler. Straightforward. No bullshit, no dancing around the point, no witty sarcasm or overwrought irony, just cutting right to the heart of the matter with simpler earnesty and open emotion.

If only those emotions weren't so much more complicated now.

But... well. Maybe she should just stop worrying about it, then? Ignore the metatextual issues, and just... deal with her. Her problems. Her feelings.

She wonders if that's just the narrative's way to shut her up. If it's not really her own thoughts...

Ugh. Who the fuck cares. Jade doesn't have the energy for all this back and forth. If she can't trust her own thoughts, then what is she even going to do? She'll just... have to keep an eye out for anything weird, she guesses. Make sure her thoughts don't ever come in orange.

In the meantime, she'll just... try and do what most people do with their problems. Accept them and move on. Even if it's...hard. Really, really hard. Jesus, no wonder John wound up depressed for so long, if this is what narrative focus does to someone.

She's snapped out of her thoughts by a sound, a knock on the door, followed by the sliding of it opening. Roxy's standing there, an unsure, cautious expression on his face.

ROXY: oh sweet, i was hoping youd be in here
ROXY: theres uh, a LOT of rooms you couldve been in after all and lmao i wasnt sure if i cared enough to check every single one

Jade laughs weakly, gives a gentle smile, but doesn't... doesn't really know what to say. Somehow, even after that whole talk and the shattering of her unhealthy she guesses worldview, this... this still isn't easy.

ROXY: ...anyway um
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: u like
ROXY: its k if you dont wanna talk about it but
ROXY: u kinda went off back there??
ROXY: like, hard
ROXY: and it seeeeeems like there might be some shit goin on with you
ROXY: so basically like
ROXY: u um
ROXY: wanna talk about it?

Roxy looks over at her on the bed, hopeful. Not actually stepping inside the room, ready to just close the door and leave if Jade snaps again.

ROXY: srsly its fine if the answers no but like
ROXY: im not goin til i at least get an answer
ROXY: talk, or nah

Talk, or Nah? What will it be, Jade Harley?

She thinks of John. The years he spent in isolation. Alone, because he chose to be. His problems, his trauma, his failure to talk about them... because it was too hard. Self-imposed isolation, just like Jade just came very close to doing.

She doesn't want to do that. Even if it's hard, even if it's painful... she'd rather be straightforward and deal with it. Wear her heart on her sleeve, just like she's always done. She wants to be close to her friends, wants to find out what it's like if she really lets herself be herself, faults and all.

There's only one choice to make. In this moment, she's certain, there's no other Jade Harley making a different one. She's going to move forward.

JADE: ....yeah
JADE: i do wanna talk
JADE: i really, really do