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Descent Into Madness

a guest Jun 21st, 2011 684 Never
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  1. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,771
  2. Today was the same routine on the Nemesis. Nothing new to report. I haven't gained any new supporters in my struggle against Megatron, but I haven't lost any either. One odd thing did catch my attention today, it was Soundwave. I was on the bridge, leaning over one of the consoles, doing a routine systems check. I noticed something out of the corner of my optics, and when I looked over he was staring at me.
  3.  
  4. Which isn't unusual in the slightest, the blasted mute stares at everyone and everything as if he could take you apart with his optics and crawl through your circuits. What was out of the norm iis that he didn't notice me returning his stare at first. It was hard to tell since he lacks a face, but I believe he wasn't staring at me, so much as my legs...
  5.  
  6. Strange, but there is most likely a logical explanation for it. There always is when it comes to Soundwave.
  7.  
  8. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,772
  9. Last night was different. After I finished my log entry, and decided to go into stasis, I swore I heard the las harp playing. I haven't heard it play in... In... Too long to remember. It was haunting. Eerie. I curled up on my berth, and listened to it all night long, almost afraid to sleep for fear of something I couldn't explain. I must have drifted off to recharge eventually, for I awoke at my appointed time fully rested. Ready to go about my duties as sub commander of the Decepticons. Blast Megatron, I would be Emperor if that incompetent bumbling fool would just do the universe a favor and drop dead.
  10.  
  11. I noticed Soundwave noticing me today, as well. I was striding down a hall, and he started following me. I kept peeking over my shoulder, starting to get annoyed with him trailing after me for no apparent reason. Once again, it was hard to tell with his lack of face, but I swear he was watching my legs. Occasionally looking up to watch my hips. Maybe he was looking for weak points to attack if we ever fought? But this doesn't make any sense. Could he know about my plans? Was he following me to make it clear that he new I was trying to gain more followers that where strictly loyal to me first, and Megatron second? I need to be more careful, I can't let him realize I am plotting.
  12.  
  13. The las harp is playing as I type this as well. I remember where I first heard it. It was before the civil war. I need to go into stasis for the night, Megatron will most likely have more demands for me when I awaken. Blast him. Frag and blast him. I can't even enjoy my memories without him controlling the situation somehow.
  14.  
  15. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,773
  16. Soundwave again. It's almost as if he has my regular schedule memorized. He probably does, the slimy creepbot. He somehow found a reason to be in every single place I showed up at today. Sometimes it was just for a few nanoclicks. Sometimes it was for almost the whole time I was there. Each time he made sure I knew he was there, but otherwise didn't try to interfere. I wasn't just imagining it the previous times either, as I was leaving I overheard one of the Eradicons mentioning how Soundwave had stared at me the whole time. They where placing bets on when he would drag me off to Megatron for another beating. Seems like it's time for another lesson in discipline on this ship. For them, and maybe for me as well, if I don't play this little game right.
  17.  
  18. Primus fragging las harp is playing agian. I had also forgotten how much I hated the damn thing.
  19.  
  20. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,774
  21. What. The. Frag. Primus damn Soundwave! This was just too strange, even for him! I was waiting for Blasted Sir High and Mighty Lord Master Megatron, when Soundwave entered the room. Oh, joy. As we where standing there, waiting for that Megajerk, I could feel a coldness slide down the circuits at the back of my neck. Looking up, I saw Soundwave staring at me, as become his wretched habit. I stared back, refusing to back down from this challenge to my authority.
  22.  
  23. And then he took a step closer to me. I glared at him, daring him to try that again. Which he did. Finally I had enough.
  24.  
  25. "Is there a reason you find me so fascinating Soundwave? Besides the obvious reasons of me being glorious and an amazing leader among the Decepticons who is without equal, of course." bluffing, I curled my hand and stared at the tips of my metal calws, feigning indifference to his presence. It was a mistake. When I looked back up, he was standing right in front of me. I could see my eyes widen in shock, in my reflection on his faceplate, before I could stop myself from reacting. A deep aching coldness slitherd through my body, wrapping around my Spark.
  26.  
  27. Outrageous! How could this-this-mindless dumb mute dare to try to play these ridiculous games with me?! With an angry snarl, I lifted my arm to beat some sense into this puppet of Megatron. But before I could he wrapped his hand around my own. I felt my mouth drop open in shock, how DARE he touch me?!
  28.  
  29. It was at this point that I felt something hot, hard, long, and smooth slide up the inside of my leg. I am shamed to admit that I jumped and let out a small squeak of surprise. Having so consentrated on Soundwave in front of me, I hadn't even noticed when he let out his tentacles and had them sneak up from the back. A small jerk on my wrist redirected my gaze up to Soundwave, just in time to see him raise a hand to my face.
  30.  
  31. I...
  32. [Enter]
  33. I...
  34. [Enter]
  35. [delete]
  36. That's enough for tonight, I need to get some rest, I'm going into stasis.
  37.  
  38. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,775
  39. Damn that las harp playing, I can not enter stasis no matter what I do. Between the humiliating memories from earlier, and that disturbing melody crawling through my circuits. Not even turning off my audios makes it stop, it echoes through the mind, mixing with my thoughts, enticing me to scream until I choke on my energon.
  40.  
  41. I might as well enter the rest of what happened today, if I don't get it out of my head, in some way, then it will drive me mad.
  42.  
  43. We where standing there, time seemed frozen, as I watched Soundwave slowly lower his long, sharp, claw to rest against my face. Wincing, I expected him to slice open my cheek, or gouge out my optic. Instead, I recall it trailing slowly down, to slide back and forth, across my lips. The sheer gentleness made it more disturbing than I care to remember. That cold feeling from before had spread through out my entire self,  I hadn't realized how close Soundwave had gotten, until I felt my body shudder against his.
  44.  
  45. Desperately, I reached up with free hand and tried clawing at his face plate, instinctively going for the most vulnerable spot. Only to be thwarted as his tentacle entwined itself around my wrist and hand, pulling my arm up and over my head. Spark thundering in my chest, I began to feel fear for the first time.
  46.  
  47. "Soundwave, you slagging scrap heap! What do you think you are doing?!" I hissed out past his claw, trying to force some authority into my voice.
  48.  
  49. Second mistake of the night.
  50.  
  51. Before I could close my mouth, he slid his claw inside. I froze, trying not to move for fear of having irrevocable damage done. A leader who can't issue orders is not a leader at all. A small whimper escaped me as he tightened his tentacle on my arm, I will never forget every single little detail as the tip of his tentacle slowly creeped into my gaze. I couldn't stop the trembling as I watched it come closer and closer, the little bits wriggling and writhing as they slid in and out of the end. At this point Soundwave started to put pressure on his claw, forcing my mouth wider. I can still feel a sharp sting on my tongue where he cut it, when I couldn't open any further.
  52.  
  53. He must have felt it, too. Because at that moment his tentacle pressed itself between my lips, and started to wriggle it's way inside. It couldn't fit all the way, but that didn't stop Soundwave. All he did was pull his claw out, and slide his hand down my chest, gently rubbing small circles.
  54.  
  55. As humilating as it was, I screamed and kicked. I could barely hear myself, despite yelling loud enough that it's still sore. All I accomplished was his tentacle further down my throat, and his hands tightly wrapped around my thigh, and wrist. I tried bucking my body against him, twisting and turning to break his grip, but the fragging slag heap was much stronger than I had ever imagined. And in the end all I did was play further into his little game.
  56.  
  57. He had me pinned against a wall, and used his tentacles to force my arms above my head, while he knelt between my legs, keeping me muffled with his disgusting feelers wriggling about in my mouth. He started to hum, I remember that distinctly, a strange melody that teased the back of my mind as I tried to fight off terror and powerlessness. His fingers gently tapping and plucking at me, as if he could play my body like some kind of instrument.
  58.  
  59. I don't know why, but it caught me by surprise when he pressed his faceplate into my stomach.
  60.  
  61. It was so warm, and it vibrated as he hummed to himself. It sent little shivers through my skin and into my core. He increased his pitch, and I could feel my insides quiver as the vibrations spread. I squealed like a little minibot fresh off of the essembly line. It was degrading the way I couldn't stop my legs from twitching and trying to press closed, rubbing against his body, sending little sparks up and down my circuits.
  62.  
  63. I...
  64. [Enter]
  65. I....
  66. [Enter]
  67. I don't clearly remember what happened next. It's all a big jumbled mess. He had somehow gotten my plating open, and had my legs up and over his shoulders. His hands where gripping my thighs so tightly that they left little gouged out marks.
  68.  
  69. His faceplate was pressed against my valve, I do remember the sound it made, that ridiculous embarrasing squeaking sound. He kept rubbing it back and forth, humming, so that the vibrations kept teasing me. I was dripping lubricants all over him. My valve was so stimulated and swollen that it hurt. All I could do was writhe against in his hands. Mindlessly grinding against his faceplate.
  70.  
  71. It was then that the door opened and Megatron entered the room. Thank Primus he was alone. It was horifying enough having him walk in on us like that. I couldn't endure it if there was a whole crowd. As it was, he simply stopped, and stared at us. His face completely undreadable as the door closed behind him. Soundwave paused, and lifted his head up, leaving me gasping in his arms where I was pinned against the wall. I tried talking, begging Megatron to make him stop. All that came out was a muffled, wet, gurgling noise.
  72.  
  73. Megatron said something, I don't remember hearing his voice, despite seeing his lips move. Afterwards Soundwave pulled that disgusting thing out of my mouth, and let go of me. I collapsed onto the floor, gasping as my vents cycled furiously. I could feel lubricants drooling down my chin and neck, and the same dripping dow my legs from my valve. Shaking, I dragged my hands across my mouth and neck, trying to wipe it all off. I don't know if Megatron or Soundwave watched me, or even moved. All I heard was a faint roaring in my audios, almost like being near the beach. I didn't bother looking at those filthy idiotic fragging slag pits. Once I stopped shaking, I stood up and faced the wall, trying to get my plating back in place, it took me several tries, my hands where numb, and my valve was wet and slippery.
  74.  
  75. Once I was done, I took several deep breaths and turned around, crossing my arms against my chest, and trying to look haughty and unafraid. Looking back now, I most likely failed miserably. Soundwave, the sick fragging piece of rotting organic offal, didn't even bother making himself decent. I couldn't even look at him, I could see my lubricants still dripping down his faceplate. He didn't try to wipe it off, or even act like anything out of the ordinary had happened.
  76.  
  77. Megatron was talking again, and I couldn't hear a word he was saying. All I remember after that was standing between him and Soundwave, penned in on both sides, as he discussed the usual maintenance drudgery with the rest of his advisors. Now that I am in my private room, with the best of security on this ship between me and him, little bits of the meeting keep flashing through my mind. Soundwave standing tall and silent, like a ghost, but somehow still radiating pure smugness. Megatrons voice as he makes innuendos and little verbal barbs. Trying to bluff my way through the meeting pretending nothing is wrong. The looks that kept passing around, between me, Megatron, and Soundwave. I keep seeing their optics switch between me and him, seeing the lubricants smeared across his face, dripping off his chin, the streaks drying into little smudged patternts.
  78.  
  79. They can't know. They can't realize. Oh, sweet blessed Primus, don't let them figure it out.
  80.  
  81. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,776
  82. I didn't get any rest last night, I was running on half charge all day. I was never so thankful for energon as I am now. It's all that kept be at a functional level. Soundwave was stalking me all day, at least he cleaned himself up this time. I almost threw up my rations when he popped up practially out of nowhere the first time.
  83.  
  84. I love those Eradicons. I was in the midst of a group of them when he started playing his little watching game. Wretched freak. I know it was cowardly, but I used those same Eradicons for the rest of the day. I fibbed the truth, told them to cart cargo around. Claimed I was overseeing repairs, or maintenance. When I ran out of excuses I claimed they had done something wrong, and to repeat the whole thing, while I "oversaw it". I can admit it here, in these private logs. They are set to self destruct if anyone tries tampering with them. They won't just delete, the actual slate will destroy itself, a small, compact little explosion. If I'm lucky, it might even take out the fingers of whoever's holding them. My only safety, my only sanctuary. I don't have to lie here. I don't have to pretend. I don't have to take orders here, in these words. I don't have to feel like a failure.
  85.  
  86. And I didn't fail. Using those Eradicons worked. Soundwave could follow me around all he wanted to, and stare at me all he wanted to. But for some reason I haven't uncovered, he is unwilling to accost me in front of witnesses. Or at least anyone who isn't Megatron.
  87.  
  88. I'm exhausted, not even that las harp can keep me up this night. I must keep up my strength to find a way to win the next round, as well.
  89.  
  90. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,777
  91. Fragging blast that ridiculous dumb mute mindless puppet of Megatron's! That slagging pile of organic offal smeared scrap heap has found a way to change the rules of this game he is forcing me to play.
  92.  
  93. As soon as I stepped out of my door I found the nearest Eradicon and ordered it to come with me. I managed to reasonably get away with a vague order like that, with one or two of them, as I went about my schedule. Keeping them occupied by making one run an errend for me as soon as the other returns. However, this was not as satisfactory as being in a group of them, for there is always safety in numbers.
  94.  
  95. That's when Soundwave decided to change the playing field on me, the little illegetimitely manufactured CPU-less robot. At first he had a report to show me. I didn't think anything of it at all when he came up to hand me the slate. I was over confident from the previous day's success. Expecting him not to do anything drastic where so many would come to my defense, or at least prevent him from doing anything too extreme.
  96.  
  97. And he didn't. All he did was wait until I had my fingers wrapped around the slate, then he slid his thumb across mine before letting go. A brief contact. But it was hot, and warm, and hard, and smooth. Just like his tentacles. That one contact was enough to bring on a flashback.
  98.  
  99. He watched me. The sadistic slag stood there, smug as could be, while I shook and choked on my own bile. While I relived his hands on me, his touch violating me. It must have been only moments, but if felt like an eternity.
  100.  
  101. Thankfully a previous order from Megatron or his own schedule called him away, for he left soon after, and I was able to collect some modicum of self control. Until the next time he came up to me, and the next, and the next. Each time forcing me to remember, giving him a small victory as he took control from me.
  102.  
  103. No matter what, he found a way to get close to me, if not touch me. He would hold onto an object, refusing to relinquish it to anyone else, even to me, unless I took hold of it first. He would use his faceplate whenever he could, putting the sound down low, so I would have to lean in to see or hear what he had to show me. The first time I refused to go along with it. I'm not sure what he said about it, but Megatron ended up verbally berating me on the com system. It was broadcast through out the entire ship. I will NOT repeat what that insane bucket of antique nuts and bolts said. It was humiliating enough that everyone else listened.
  104.  
  105. And with that, I must enter stasis.
  106.  
  107. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,778
  108. It's been getting steadily worse these past few cycles. He was even waiting for me at my door when I came back to my private quarters to go into stasis. I almost ran. I could feel my legs twitching, they felt like they had turned to rubber. My spark was beating in my chest like some trapped animal, trying to batter it's way free.
  109.  
  110. I didn't know what to do. So I stood there, in front of him, in front of my door. Trapped between him, and an entire ship. I couldn't even bargain with him. Or order him to stop. I couldn't give him anything he wanted in exchange, except the one thing he did want. I was trapped. Locked up more tight than if I was in a cell. And he knew it.
  111.  
  112. I hadn't even realized one of the Eradicons had spoken until he repeated himself. My mind was drawing a blank for any more lies, or excuses, so I could keep them with me at the time. So I dismissed them. When Soundwave did try his next move in this dance, I'd prefer it to be where no one would witness it. To spare me the humiliation, or to prevent anyone stopping me from killing him in "self defense" Yes, quite painful and slow, torturous "self defense". Keeping that thought firmly in mind I managed to steel myself against my weakness. He had given me lots of practice in bluffing my way around him.
  113.  
  114. "Do you have a reason as to why you are lurking about my private rooms Soundwave?" I was proud of the fact that I managed to keep my face and voice bland, despite the half digested energon crawling it's why up the back of my throat from having to move so near him to open my door. My arm twitched with the urge to shoot his faceless head in. But I dared not to, for fear that he was recording all of this, and secretly sending it to Megatron. Who knows, maybe he was doing all of this on that fragging afterburner's orders.
  115.  
  116. I flinched, I couldn't stop it, when I saw him raise his arm towards me. The only reason why I hadn't panicked and blasted him with everything I had was the fact that he didn't try to grab me. His hand only came up to my thigh, and rested there as light as an organic feather.
  117.  
  118. My body froze. I remember the feeling as all my thoughts scattered to the edges of the galaxy. My mind screaming for me to do something, anything. And I couldn't. His fingers stroked my thigh, hot and firm, but gentle as a lovers carress. He stepped closer and placed his other hand on my opposite leg. My optics bored into my reflection on his faceplate. Hating the wide eyed fear I saw there. My entire charade torn away with the merest of contact. My head felt light and dizzy, my thoughts clunking around as if it was hollow inside, as I felt his touch glide higher, and higher, until his thumbs rubbed back and forth across the plating of my pelvis. This caused my guts to clench tight, and sent a pulse through my valve.
  119.  
  120. A scalding hot wave surged up my throat and poured out of my mouth. The force of my wretching caused me to double over, as I coughed and gagged on all of that day's rations. I take a small amount of pride and vicious satisfaction in the fact that most of my vomited energon had landed on Soundwave, instead of on me, or the floor. I don't know how long I knelt there, on my hands and knees, expelling what felt like an entire lake of acid.
  121.  
  122. Once I could breathe again, as my vents cycled to combat the dizzy nausia, I realized Soundwave was still looming over me. My whole body twitched and went into another bout of heaving as I felt his hand on my back, slowly rubbing circles in what would be a soothing pattern from anyone else. Even Megatron's touch would have been preferable at that point.
  123.  
  124. It was all so horribly degrading, down on my knees, weak and defenceless. I must have tried crawling away, or standing, because I felt his arms wrap around me. Panicked, I thrashed about, gasping as I attempted to break free. Feeling my own hot bile slime between us. He simply picked me up like a weak little minibot, and carried me through my doors and into my rooms. You'd think his skinny arms, and thin fingers would make him weak, or at least give me a fair fight. But no matter how I struggled, I couldn't make any headway. As if he was some massive organic behemoth mother, and I was his fragile little newborn, being carried around for my own good in his razor sharp jaws.
  125.  
  126. I was too exhausted to fight any more after that, from the stress, from the lack of proper stasis, from not having any apetite. How ironic that on the one day I did eat right, I ended up losing it all. The memory of how my body hung limp, as he approached my berth, being draped across his arms like a trophy kill will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life.
  127.  
  128. My thoughts kept skittering through the fog of my self awareness as he laid me down, gently arranging my limbs. I wasn't able to think straight, all I wanted was to close my eyes, and hope that when I opened them the nightmare would be over. Soundwave kept stroking my shoulders, and my back, pausing to rub his fingers across my arms, or legs. The cold air in my rooms soon chilled the gelatinous energon smeared across me from where he had held me, leaving me shivering and trembling underneath his touch.
  129.  
  130. I vaguely recall him fussing over me. Getting cloths from somewhere and cleaning me up. For some strange reason he didn't bother cleaning himself up, only so much as to prevent me getting filthy again where he kept touching me. This brought up the memory of before, in the council room, the way he accosted me, and how he proudly stood there with my lubricants all over him for the whole ship to see. The horrific memory and feelings caused my shivering to turn into shaking, as I lay there curled up on my side, drawing my limbs about me in some infantile hope of protection.
  131.  
  132. Time must have passed, but I wasn't aware of it. Strong firm hands where on me next. Clinical and efficient, as cool and brisk as a fresh wind. Recognizing the touch, I cracked open my optics to see Knock Out bent over me, for once without an arrogant smirk on his face. I watched, somewhat fascinated, as he turned to Soundwave behind him and asked him questions. I don't remember hearing his voice though, despite clearly seeing him try and talk to me. What I do remember is him lifting my head up, and forcing me to swallow something bitter and hot. Despite the rancid taste, it soothed the burning in my throat and stomach.
  133.  
  134. I must have blacked out for a bit. After that all I can remember is a blurry impression of a false calm that is always induced by Knock Out's tranqs. Small little impressions rippled across the serene bubble my emotions where encased in. They still are to some degree. Most likely the only reason why I am able to type all of this out in a coherent manner.
  135.  
  136. Soundwave had spent the entire night in my room. Continually fussing and cooing over me. At one point I was disturbed enough to be awoken from stasis, and opened my optics to him pressed close to me. His faceplate rubbing against my cheek as he played a recording of some kind of strange music. It sounded completely bizzarre, I didn't realize until now, that I am awake, but it was a human child. A little girl, singing a lullabye. I don't know what was worse, that music, being played over and over again on a loop. Or his hands and tentacles. Touching me, touching himself. Touching himself while touching me, in all the wrong places. Thank Primus for Knock Out's tranqs. They must have been some pretty heavy duty ones, because all that happened was me idly wondering when, exactly they brought a blanket in my room and covered me up. Everything else was just a ripple, unable to penetrate the surface, to where it could hurt me.
  137.  
  138. When I awoke from stasis again, I was alone. My rooms empty and my own. No Knock Out, no Soundwave. So I've been sitting here. Typing all of this up, while I try to fight the fog of Knock Out's tranqs and the broken jagged emotions left in Soundwave's wake.
  139.  
  140. The rest of the trangs are wearing off. I'm starting to feel. I think I'm going to go back to stasis.
  141.  
  142. Starscream Personal Log Entry: Prime 5,779
  143. Like the previous entry, it's been a while since I have added anything to my personal log. I'll start where I left off.
  144.  
  145. When I awoke the second time, it was to Soundwave standing over me. He held a small tray with a day's worth of energon rations on it. The same amount I usually take, in fact. A cold, dark suspicion squirmed through the circuits of my guts at the sight of it.
  146.  
  147. I tried sitting up, only to be assaulted by a wave of dizzyness. Gasping, I sat there clutching at the blanket, trying to make the whole ship stop spinning. The fact that there was suddenly two Soundwaves in my vision only made it harder. He's fragging scary enough as a single unit.
  148.  
  149. When I could see straight again I slowly raised myself up, until I was hunched over on my berth, with my back against the wall. The familiar hum and whine of the ship was comforting, and helped me remain calm, despite the strong urge to start screaming and throwing things at Soundwave. I knew that if I started screaming, I wouldn't stop, until one of us was standing over the corpse of the other.
  150.  
  151. Such is life amongst the Decepticons.
  152.  
  153. When I mustered enough courage I raised my gaze to his faceplate, he hadn't moved an inch. Still stood there calmly holding the tray as if he hadn't fragged me over a million times before now.
  154.  
  155. "What do you want Soundwave?" I didn't bother trying to be polite, I let all my pent up rage and loathing shine through for him to see. All I got in response was a head tilt and the tray held out to me. "If you think I am going to eat anything you give me, then you are insane." my voice hissed out like a cold serpent, writhing about the room and entwining us in a layer of deadly frost. Move just an inch, and we'd be left bleeding. Bleeding little glowing droplets of energon, like a quilt of stars stitched together with pain and sadistic joy.
  156.  
  157. Soundwave radiated pure smugness as he played a recording via his faceplate. It was Knock Out's voice, "I'm afraid, Lord Megatron, that his condition is severe. I have no idea how it got quite this bad. But he was in a state of deep shock when I examined him. Not to mention he is terribly weak from lack of proper diet. If someone doesn't keep an optic on him and make sure he eats and rests properly, then I will be forced to confine him to the lab until he is fully recovered. The good news is, once he does start eating and fully recharging, he should be back to working order in no time."
  158.  
  159. "So, Megatron ordered you to be my little watch dog? I'm only in this miserable condition because you keep harassing me in the first place!" my tirade ends in a furious shriek, the last word echoing around the room. As if even they sought to frantically escape his presence. My head rang with their absence, which left me clutching at my face and groaning. I really was a mess. And it was all his fault. Oh, sweet Primus, when I get my revenge I will thorourghly enjoy every single nanoclick of it.
  160.  
  161. My accusation failed to get a reaction from him. Instead all Soundwave did was step closer, his tentacle slithering out to pick up a cube of energon off of the tray. The purple lights trailing up and down it's length, pulsing back and forth, was entrancing to me, in my weakened state. Like some trapped organic rodent I watched in horror as it drew closer and closer. The colors in the energon dancing through subtle shifts until my gaze was full of hypnotic rainbows.
  162.  
  163. When the energon gave my lips the lightest of touches I recoiled and scrambled back along the berth, until I was crammed into the corner of my room. My mind was frantically trying to claw some semblance of sanity and intelligence back from the effects of tranquilizers and stasis deprivation. The worst part was that I knew I needed the energon he offered me. I needed it desperately, and most importantly, Soundwave knew how desperately I needed it. And that was exactly why I didn't want anything to do with it.
  164.  
  165. Better to be carted back to Knock Out's lab like a limp piece of rubber and confined while I am force fed energon slush than let Soundwave have any control of me. I was already trapped in one room, all that would change for me was my captor. And at least Knock Out was loyal to me, up to a point.
  166.  
  167. When Soundwave took a step closer to me my composure broke once again, "What do you WANT from me?!" I hate myself, for the way my voice broke at that last part, ending in a sob of desperation. That seemed to get through to him on some level, he had paused, tilting his head the other way for a few brief moments when gazed at me. Then he set the tray own on the opposite end of the berth, before climbing down next to me, his arms reaching out towards me.
  168.  
  169. I resisted. Or at least attemtped to. At one point I even tried flat out blasting him, but he once again treated me as if I was nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Pinning my arms to my sides and sitting me in his lap, my legs wrapped tight by his tentacles as he kept his arms around me like a giant steel pincher. If I was a fleshling, I would have leaked fluids all over him, just out of pure spite. As it was, all I could do was sit, my mouth a firm slash of rage. As I glared off into space, pretending that I wasn't scared, that he had no power over me.
  170.  
  171. "Is this what you want? To control me?" Soundwave only shook his head at this, a firm denial. The frustration was so palpable at that point I was practically choking on it. "Then WHAT?! Why are you doing this? What's the point of this whole sick little game you're playing?" I was so furious that I had left little drops of spit on his faceplate by the time I had got done yelling. At this Sounwave shifted his arms, pulling my head in close to his, so he could rub his faceplate against my cheek, I could feel him softly humming, the vibrations causing my face to tingle.
  172.  
  173. This freed up my arms enough that I could twist my wrists around and sink my claws into his chest. The feel of them gouging into his epidermis, and the sound of metal grating on metal, gave me a vindictive thrill. In my lightheaded state, I could almost feel my hands sinking through him, to grasp his spark and snuff it out.
  174.  
  175. He didn't even seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't care. His hand started to stroke down towards my pelvis, then his own, before going back to mine. It took several times before I realized he was answering my question, and not just being a mentally deficient pervert.
  176.  
  177. "You want to frag me? Is that what you want?" Disgust and loathing twisted my insides until sharp little pangs danced inside my circuits. This whole time, all the torture, the nightmares, the stalking and toying, it was all for the single purpose of getting his jollies off. My breath hissed out of my clenched teeth as I felt his hand stroke a particularly sensitive spot. I closed my optics and tried to think of something, anything, that would help. With a deep resignation I decided there was only one thing that would help me get out of his grasp, at that moment, and for good.
  178.  
  179. "Soundwave, release me." he paused at the calm, almost reasonable, tone my voice had taken. Shrugging my shoulders, I stroked my hand up and down his chest. Soothing my fingers over the fresh scars previously left there. "There's no reason why we can't discuss this like perfectly sensible Decepticons. I'm sure we can come to an agreement." Soundwave paused, he had gone so still that I feared he hadn't listened to me. Or had, and was mocking me, deciding to continue with his fun. Instead, he slid me over until I was sitting next to him on the berth. I was still crammed between him and a corner, with no way out, but at least I had some space. He also firmly kept his hands on my hips. Disturbing, but it was still better than before.
  180.  
  181. "So, I believe I have come to a solution that we can both live with." ignoring the skeptical tilt of his head I continued, "We frag, and afterwards, you stop toying with me. No more stalking, no more ambushing, no more accosting me." A firm head shake was the only response. "Why not?" the demand races between us, hot and rancid with my emotions. "Why go through all of this? Why me? You've never even looked twice at me before! You've obviously gone through a whole lot of trouble for just a piece of aft. And now when I am freely offering it you say no?"
  182.  
  183. Despite being slow and steady, I couldn't help but flinch and jerk back against the wall when he raised his hands. Soundwave wrapped them around both of mine, taking one and placing it firmly against his chest, until I could feel the firm regular pulse of his spark through it. The other he placed upon my own chest, I didn't need it there to feel it pulsing fast and hard, a heady mix of fear, anger, the overwhelming desire to escape.
  184.  
  185. Those that fly wheren't meant to be trapped in cages.
  186.  
  187. The pulse of my spark only increased as he leaned in towards me, until his forhead was resting against mine again. Realization slowly blossomed in the energon starved cogs of my mind, leaving me dumbfounded.
  188.  
  189. "You want to be SPARKMATES?" he didn't try to stop me as I pulled my hands free, pushing him aside so I could scramble to my feet, where I stood swaying with exhaustion and hunger. "No. NO. I will NOT do that! I will not submit to anyone! I will not chain myself to you for all eternity!" My outburst left me shaking in front of him, as he stood and tried to hold me.
  190.  
  191. They always underestimate me. All it took was a single kick to send him flying into the wall, leaving him crumpled on the berth. Gasping as my vision blurred I spun towards the door and bolted as fast as I could, pumping strength I didn't have into my legs, racing towards what little freedom I had out in the open corridors. Only to be stopped short as Soundwave's tentacles wrapped around my waist, knocking the air out of my vents as he squeezed tight and dragged me across the floor towards him.
  192.  
  193. It was every worst nightmare I could ever conceive of happening to me. Watching as my escape grew further and further away as I was brought closer and closer to a fate worse than death.
  194.  
  195. "Listen to me Soundwave! If you try and force me to be your sparkmate then I will fight you with everything I have! I will kill myself if I have to! You know I would rather die than give up my freedom. Even a dishonorable suicide is a preferable alternative. And Lord Megatron will be furious with you for costing him a second in command!" at my words he stopped pulling me back, but didn't release me. "My first offer still stands, I won't resist if you want to frag me, as long as you leave me alone after we finish. But anything more than that and I will not cooperate."
  196.  
  197. Relife flooded my circuits when his tentacles unwound and released me. I lay lifeless on the floor, optics closed tight, too weak to even sit myself up after that struggle. At that point I didn't care how badly he had drugged the energon, I would have gladly eaten my full body weight in it. I couldn't even resist when I felt him pick me up, and lay me down on the berth. When I opened my optics, Soundwave was nothing more than a blurry shadow, haloed in the purple overhead lights. Unlike before, he didn't use his tentacle when he held the energon cube to my mouth, and neither did I try resisting.
  198.  
  199. The energon was warm and sweet, and I could feel the heavy bite of the tranqs almost instantly. Knock Out really did know how to spoil me. One after another, Soundwave hand fed me, like some doting parental unit, until my mind was hazy and peacefull, with my body felt like it was floating on a sea of velvet. Looking back now, it was all surprisingly peaceful, and almost entirely due to the drugged energon. I am extremely glad I didn't take it until after I found out Soundwave's plans. If I had, he probably would have forced a bond while I was drugged, and then it would have been too late.
  200.  
  201. As it was, all I could do was lay there, movement sluggish and almost impossible despite the buzz racing through out my body, leaving tingling wakes with each movement, all horribly arousing. Soundwave probably added some kind of aphrodisiac. If anyone knew where to get them, and how to use them, it would be him. All thoughts washed away in a river of stimuli when he started massaging my feet. Gentle, sensuous touches. Soothing away stress and tension. His fingers firm as they glided up my calves, sure and steady as he unwound each kink and worked away each bundle of stress.
  202.  
  203. I couldn't stop the giggles, I sounded like some demented half wit. But if anything, this seemed to alternately amuse, and fascinate Soundwave. He became determined to explore every single nook and cranny of my legs. It was maddening and arousing all at once. By the time he got to my thighs, I was leaking lubricants out of my plating. He was surprisingly gentle as he rolled me over until I was face down on the berth, before lifting my hips and propping me up on my wobbly legs. If I had been more sober, I would have been humiliated to be on display like that for someone, with my aft in the air like some overheating dyke.
  204.  
  205. Instead all I cared about was the way Soundwave's fingers began to tease me, as they slowly opened my plating, stroking and touching until I was mindlessly grinding against him. I'm not sure when, but he eventually began thrusting inside of my valve, hands on my hips, leaning over me as he buried his faceplate between my shoulder wings. The last thing I remember is spilling lubricants all over the blanket as I overloaded with him inside of me.
  206.  
  207. I woke up to a rude awakening from Knock Out, he wanted to give me another examination, asking me a tirade of pointless questions. Which was a relief, in the end, because it meant he was entirely clueless about the cause of my "sickness". In the end he ordered me to eat more regularly, and gave me a bunch of tranqs to use if I couldn't enter stasis on my own. Which I have been abusing horrendously ever since. I break one open, and take half of it with my daily rations of energon after I wake up, and go about my day in a blissful drug induced calm. Then when I return to my rooms, I take the other half and another one to enter stasis peacefully.
  208.  
  209. If I don't, then I am nothing more than a neurotic mess that can't fuction, and the nightmares are certainly no help. What's worse is the nightmares are almost always sexual, and they not only terrify me, but leave me waking upon overloading.
  210.  
  211. I've run out of the tranqs. I just took the last of them. I'll need to pay Knock Out a visit tomorrow. But for now, I need to enter stasis. Good night.
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