ARW feedback response

In response to this: https://pastebin.com/Dipg4nJx

HOT DAMN. See, this is the kind of shit that I absolutely need. Since you gave me such thorough feedback, I'd like to address your points, if I may? I'll try to go section by section, if possible.

>>>Story Content
>So my honest congratulations, you didn't lose that spark on your words, and the apt sound effects, background images and light music complimented that very well. You have a legitimately engaging piece of software here, and you should feel aptly proud for that.

Wow, thank you for the compliments haha, I appreciate it.

>>>Characters
So, I'm glad you liked the characters and that I didn't royally fuck any of them up. I mean, there's still time, but I've become a good deal more confident in characterizations ever since Leaves of Fall.

>>the wolf brother and sister were funny enough
Interesting that you mention that. I’m SINCERELY glad you met them, actually, because I was kinda hoping you would have some thoughts on Rouve and Otto. I’m seriously considering giving Rouve a full story path herself. As it stands, I’ve got two main “routes” planned — one for June and one for Summer. I’m debating making Rouve a third waifur with her own route. I’ve also planned on making her lewdable in the day two “hub” scene, as in you can do some side story with her and get in her pants (tactfully). Or do you think I should omit that and save it for her route if I have one?

As for Cale and James? They’re still being developed, but I’m also glad you liked both of them. I was trying to have James be a bit more complex than just evil drug pusher, so I’ll see what I can do with him.

>>>Feedback on actions
>>Assigning a different colour
Okay, I think I’m picking up on what you’re getting at. So because the player might not know the characters well-enough, some visual cues would be beneficial? Green for “Summer will like this” or something? Kinda like paragon vs renegade in the Mass Effect trilogy, if you’re familiar?
Regardless, I think one thing I’m (understandably) wrestling with is making sure each path is cohesive and provides the player with enough similar knowledge to dump them out into a “next day” scene. Sorry, rambling. But I’m glad you found the player choice engaging enough. Fun fact, what you choose on the docks sends you down very distinct story paths with different encounters later on. I wanted to give players a taste of some of the choices they’ll be making.

>>>UI
Okay, great! I might touch it up a little bit when I have time, but as it is, good to go!

>>>Switches and suggestions
>>Firstly, more June content. I know summer is shaped up to be the main waifur
Actually, wrong, though that’s more my fault than it is yours. Current plans for waifurs are this: June and Summer (and potentially Rouve if she graduates past being a side character). At some point in the story you’re going to be forced to pick between Summer and June, and your story path will then divert from the main branch. Each waifur will have three possible endings as well. THAT SAID, more June content is coming. There’s a ways to go before you’ll be forced to make that choice, and I wanted to focus on Summer initially in the first day, and then June in the second day.

>>Sharing a bottle of brandy while planning how to shoot the drug lord
Oh absolutely, like I said, there’s plenty of good June content to come in the next day! June is a lot of fun to write.

>>after just about 1 scene of a guy getting shot
Hmmm, I’ll work on that. That also depends on whether or not you shot Jesse — she’s definitely a lot more fiery in the other story path.

>>She’s (Summer) also incredibly difficult to deal with
I see… Could you elaborate a little bit on this? I think I agree with you though, Summer does kinda fly off a little bit after the whole killing thing. I was trying to posit her as a kind of rough but caring type of person — warmth in a cold place — but I think that got away from me a bit.

>>>Mistakes and correcting them
Oh man, I’m sure there’s a lot. Like I mentioned, I switched from third person (he, him) to first (I, me) about 40k words in, so it was a bitch going through and re-writing it. I’m 100% sure I missed a lot. I’ll try to address your copy feedback.

>>An /hmofa/ game
Changed to “A /hmofa/ game”

>>Space out the ashock
Shit, I must have missed that. Thanks for the catch.

>>Keep the sentence going
Another good catch

>>Sapphire blue (June’s eyes)
SHIT. You’re the second person to catch that. Aight, I gotcha. I’ll figure out a workaround, or maybe just change her eye color. I see what you mean. Thanks for the catch on that.

>>”Shut it, Ape”
Ah yeah, plenty of great June moments all throughout your route. I guess you missed the scene in the Igloo Inn while on the hunt for Summer, but that’s another good one.

>>>This feels like an odd chunk of text
You’re right, and I know the scene you’re talking about. I can explain. So I originally was going to give the players the choice between the flares and the pistol, and have SIX different story paths to go down, but that was a fucking ton of work. So that whole passage needs to be revisited by me.

>>>Odd to have these form shifts
Yeahhhh… I thought I got them all, but clearly not. Regardless, I’ll go back in and clean them up.

>>>Final thoughts.
There’ s a TON to unpack here, so let just start off by saying: THANK YOU SO MUCH for giving this a test drive. Seriously, feedback like yours is absolutely invaluable in these early stages. And for staying up so late to read it. Hell, I’m glad it happened to be so engaging.

>>1-man crew
Yeah, I’ll be realistic. This has been a metric fuckton of work to put together. It’s good, honest work… but a lot of work. PLUS I just got a new job and start in March, so I’m trying to be realistic with my time and goals. All that said, I fully plan on making this my free time project, just as Leaves of Fall was. This is why I’m grateful for play-testers like you, and for not leaking it to the thread — I don’t want to get them all hyped up and then not deliver. Keep it small, make a ton of progress, and test in batches, you know?

>>I never much cared for the Leaves of Fall… I can very much get behind this
Not a worry my man! It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. More than anything I’m glad I’m making something that people who might not have liked LoF could potentially enjoy. It’s all about making stuff that means stuff to people, for me at least.

>>Rad execution
Hot damn, thank you. The execution, in my opinion, could use some work (I need to finish the journal entries so that you can visit the sidebar and read about the characters you encounter) and work on some of the conditionals.

>>Further proof reader
I mean, I would love it if you chose the peaceful option at the docks, but only if you want to and have time. That’s the most recent story branch I finished. And in the future, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d love to have your eyes on it again.

One last question, if you’re willing:
How did the sound design work for you? All the music will have to be changed to royalty-free tracks, but I’ve been getting mixed feedback on when the sound starts and stops, etc.

Finally:
Once again, HUGE thank you for your time and expertise. I sincerely appreciate the feedback and play testing. I’ll leave the password as is in case you want to go back and play test it some more — there’s plenty of unexplored dialogue and scenes!

Have a good night, sir. Get some good sleep, and thanks again.

[Part 2]




>>My advice is that you should scrap the whole get in her pants imediately arch and to allow the relationship to "escalate" a tier in the "hub" section, in order to build her up to be a much more solid companion.

That's probably what I'll end up doing -- the scrapping of the lewd scene, I mean.

>>A bit more of a subtle, cautious tread is thematic enough with Hunter, and after having such a rough first day, be it shooting a man, getting mauled and seeing the living corpse or whatever route he took. well, I wouldn't blame him at all to be cautious.

Absolutely agreed. I think, regardless of whether or not I give her a route, she'll play a major role in either story branch. I was thinking I could develop her arc a bit more by helping her become a ranger, etc. Bad ending is where she obviously gets killed in one of her missions during the climax.

>>Something like Paragon Renegade, yeah

While I'm not opposed to implementing this, I feel like color-coding this would be a disservice to the players because how do they know what color means what route? I suppose I could use the character's eye colors to style those links, or just say in parentheses (June's route) or something?

>>Interesting and logical enough, I just got the impression she was going to be the main show after being so featured and having her be so center focused.

And that's fair. Tbh I only had a few goals in mind regardless of the path the player chose: discover Summer's addictions, kill Jesse, and introduce Rouve. I'm going to focus more on developing June's content as soon as I address some of this feedback.

>>it would be her as your main "adversary" as you go a lot more Revolver Hunter to solve the issues.
Oh Jesus, that's not good (not your fault -- mine). I can't have the players thinking one of the main waifurs is going to be going against them.

Okay, moving forward, I'm going to address this probably first before anything else (aside from the small content fixes that need to be made). I think I HAD the spirit of what she was supposed to be at first, and then let the whole weakness/drug addiction thing kinda hinder her character. The problem is if I want to make her more resilient in that she wants to save people but is willing to let a few go, I have to rewrite that entire story path, or at least add more content or something.

Any suggestions here? I'm borderline scrapping that entire narrative path, or heavily re-writing it.

>>Sound design
Okay great! Glad it works. Please expect all the songs to change, like I said. I need to find royalty-free music to use. The sound effects are fine though.

>>>Mistakes
I won't address all of these individually here (I'll address them in the game engine) but I will address one or two just for your peace of mind.

>The least weasel? Are you sure you didn't mean to write something else like last?
Actually, no. "Least weasel" is a species of arctic weasel.

>Think you got a fucky wucky here lad. Might be my opera browser tho.
Nah, your browser is fine, that is indeed my fucky wucky.

>The entire unfinished branch needs to have its perspective changed, I feel.
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Like I said, I shifted perspectives and tenses and all that goodness. I'm going to go in and clean that up.

Again, you've been a tremendous help here. Your critiques are exactly what I needed to hear, good or bad! Thank you again.

[[PART 3]]

>so it should be very much inate and simple for the user to understand. Having a (June Route) kind of addendum would be very nice however, very clear and clean, informs the user well and doesn't bait them or play with their expectations.
My only concern is that there’s no inherently wrong choice to make — it just depends on what aspect of the story you’d like to experience. I think what I could do is do a better job explaining which path is which, if that makes any sense. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the player choosing their waifur’s story path.

>I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't do it if you wish to, but get some more information on how it went for others too and to check out their perspective, seeing things through just my lense is probabaly not wise.
This is probably fair. I’ve gotten feedback from you and one other person so far, with feedback incoming from others. I’m only elevating your voice more because you’ve given more thorough critiques for the game as opposed to just saying “change this, this, this,” etc. You could very well make a name for yourself reviewing /hmofa/ pieces.

>If you want to rewrite or add in, I would suggest something like her confessing she doesn't blame Hunter when they talk at the lodge, before sleeping. Something like her being near on teary eyed, tired, and speaking with that bluntness of someone who had their shine and joy sandblasted out, leaving only cold honesty and truth, like when she described killing the 19 year old
Okay, this is a great, GREAT idea. I think that’s how I’l move forward on this, as well as changing the way she reacts on the docks after killing Jesse.

Again, thank you for your expertise and help in this. Like I said, progress will be slow (and continue to be slow), but I’ve already gotten fan art for it, which is dope.