TL;DR for Jobs:

WAR: FELL CLEEEEEEAAAAAAVEEE

PLD: Sword and Shield White Mage

DRK: Darkness darkness, friendship darkness.

GNB: Dad-Joke Extraordinaire

MNK: Babby's first positionals.

DRG: Rotation Anxiety? You haven't played me yet. They see me jumpin' they hatin'.

NIN: Got it memorized?

SAM: Stand relatively still. Big damage in one hit. Melee Caster

BRD: Keep Calm. Sing Songs.

MCH: Ranged with a Rotation. Wishes 2B was their automaton queen.

DNC: Faaaaabulous

BLM: Stand still. Big damage in one hit. ECKSUPLOSIONS.

SMN: When my gauge is juuuuust right: I summon a big calamity dragon.

RDM: Swiggity Swooshy Balancing Act

WHM: How low can you go?

SCH: The healer's over there. *Points at fairy.*

AST: Timey-Wimey Magic. EVERYONE GETS A BUFF.

Blue Mage: I'm the cool kid. *Flips hair.* I don't need anyone else.