Skip to main content web texts movies audio software image logo Toggle navigation search Search the Archive Search Search upload personSIGN IN Full text of "RSD-National-Blueprint-Decoded-NOTES.pdf (PDFy mirror)" See other formats The Blueprint Decoded NOTES Day 1 Introduction • Goals evolve. Once you reach one goal, the natural tendency is to always want more. • At first, most guys just want to get one girl and get out, then they want to get the skill. They get good, but it's not consistent. ► The blueprint is about becoming consistent. Having that click where you don't have to think about it anymore. It's not something you're doing, but something you are. (Being, not doing.) The Secret Code • You're not meant to understand more than what will take you to the next level. ► Every time you watch it different things will pop out. You'll understand more. • The same info will mean different things depending on where you're at. If you watch it again in a year it's gonna hit you at a different level. From surface to deeper levels. ► (de2e: Like when you're underlining important stuff in a book. If you read it again in a year, ttie stuff you fiad underlined will now seem obvious, it'll feel like you were missing the point.) built upon the basic belief/frame that the woman is higher value than the man, on a pedestal, and the man needs to find some way to get up there through tricks/techniques. • For guys who've had little success with women, this makes a lot of sense: She's attractive, socially proofed, guys want her, and you're just an average-looking guy. It's LOGICAL that she would be higher value, "above" you socially. • The Big Realization: THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. In reality, you're equal. • When this old paradigm is what you really believe in, your reality, then everything you see you'll try to fit it into what you believe in. The Blueprint is about giving you a new reality through pieces of the puzzle, so you can give yourself permission to do what works. (From social conditioning and ego to authenticity and self esteem.) All The Old Stuff Still Applies • Leaming this stuff doesn't mean you can just sit around. You still have to go out and approach girls and be social. IF YOU GO OUT, MOST OF YOUR PROBLEMS AUTO-CORRECT. • All that changes is that we're coming from a different frame now. Being, not doing. Social Conditioning - Limiting Beliefs • Most people in the world walk through life in a walking daze. They don't know what their values are, who they are or what they want out of life. • What most guys think gets girls: ► Money - No. There is a small % of girls that are attracted to guys with money, but it's the same as with anything different, like bodybuilders - most girls are terrified of them, but small % are obsessed. So most are not attracted to money, except for gold diggers, and do you really want to date those!? But guy sees dude with money and hot chick, and thinks he NEEDS money. You don't need it for chicks, it's not a bad thing, if you do it for yourself. ► Looks - No. Only thing about this is that being good looking means that you usually have less limiting beliefs, it's easier to approach because you think you deserve a good reaction. Old Paradigm • When pickup first started, it was 1 You also get results faster because some girls will select you. "He's cute." But for the most part, there's no difference. What happens is guys will have this belief and see random anomalies to validate their beliefs. ► Romance - No. IVIost guys see romance In movies and think that's how you get girls. The romantic approach could work If the girl wants you so bad that she's intimidated by you. She thinks you're too amazing to like her, but then she thinks: "Oh, look at these flowers and chocolates and stuff he bought me, I guess he really does like me." ► Commonalities - No. (de2e: People will rationalize connection and find commonalities if there Is value, as explained later.) ► Friendship First - No. Lots of guys think they can become good friends with the girl and sneak in under the radar, listen to her problems, then suddenly come up - "SURPRISE! I have a dick!" and become her bf. • There's no cause-effect relationship between all these things and attraction. If attraction already exists the girl will let the guy get away with these, but they aren't the cause. Social Conditioning - What Everyone Else Is Doing • Comes from: the media, society, parents, work, friends, religion, movies, music, television, advertising, billboards, radio, magazines. Ever since the day you were born, it's hitting you from all angles. • The common view is wrong because: ► Girls are wired to go for guys that stand out from the crowd. (The crowd is doing what SC tells them to.) ► The types of approaches encouraged by SC are, generally speaking: chode, lame, desperate, needy, weak, beta. They communicate low social value. Mass Confusion • Has there ever been a time in history when we as a people had a wrong belief about something on a mass level? (Ex: Earth is flat.) Could it be possible that maybe even today we could be wrong about some things? • We have no clue how most of the stuff around us Is working because we live In such an amazing society. (Ex: It's normal to fly in airplanes with thin windows, sitting feet from being in midair thousands of miles above ground.) ► As a result, the natural tendency Is to give authority to society. We let society dictate our beliefs to us, we think "Weil, they're right about all this other stuff". It's easy to give up control of beliefs and let society dictate beliefs because it seems to be the right way, just because of the way that our society is structured. Social Conditioning - Why It Works • People are very FAST learners. This Is because they learn and are Influenced socially . We learn from the people around us constantly. This is both very good and very bad. • There are 2 ways to learn: ► 1. Firsthand experience. ► 2. Socially. We know most things without having to actually try it. People are constantly looking at what other people are doing; they're looking to see who they can learn off of. (Ex: Don't have to jump out of a very high window and get hurt to l Guys like attractive women even though one you pick based on looks may not be a good mother.) ► Day-to-day, the quest most people are on is pleasure, building value for themselves. • What constitutes value for a man is different than for a woman. ► Man : wants attractive, skinny(represents youth and health), large breasts(represents fertility). ► Woman : decisiveness, resourcefulness, dominance, confidence, fearlessness, a guy who dictates reality and does not have reality dictated to him, leadership. (These qualities are gonna be a lot more important to survival than anything else.) • If you're walking up to a woman and you're nervous, your heart is beating fast and you talk like you're unsure of yourself and quiet, THAT HAS ZERO VALUE. NONE. That's like having negative value. How well could you kill an animal to eat in caveman days if a woman intimidates you? (Sidenote: Cavemen didn't need a mirror, you don't need one either.) • Before, being a provider to a woman had value. Now she has male groupie/parents/job to take care of that. She doesn't need money to survive, so being a provider isn't all that appealing anymore. Some respond to that, but most don't. Sub-Communication • It takes a guy a couple seconds to decide if a woman is attractive, takes a woman a couple hours. Why? -> Men look for visual cues, women look for behavioral cues. • Communication is the words that you're saying, the surface level. Women are looking for sub- communication, the communication beneath all of that. The words that you say very rarely register to a woman, you're thinking that they are, but they're not. The more attracted she is, the more that the words that you're saying are irrelevant. You could talk in gibberish. • 2 types of sub-communication: ► 1. Your behavior. ► 2. How people react to you. • Some examples of sub-communication: ► Eye contact, vocal tonality, body language, your sense of individuality, humor and playfulness, comfort in your environment... ► indifference to what people think of you, ► your concepts and boundaries of what you will and will not accept, ► your control over your own emotions and your own sense of reality. 3 ► your confidence to say what's on your mind and stand out, ► your self-directedness, conviction and grasp of your own standards, ► your sense of entitlement and willingness to go for what you want, ► and the types of things you say and the way in which you say them all in relation to the other peopie there. • If your behavior is on, but logically you're not the l Because he's high value and the gih likes him, she will find something to rationalize why she likes him. "I like him because he's nice." She will impose the qualities that she likes in men onto him unknowingly. • Some gihs will say: "I don't care if a guy has value, I just want a guy who can make me laugh / that I can feel a connection with." ► But if you have value, how easy is it to make a girl laugh? When you have enough value, sense of humor is automatic, you could do anything and the girl will laugh at it uncontrollably. Think about the popular guys in high school who said stuff that wasn't even really objectively funny, but everyone still laughed at it. ► And when someone has value, we pay more attention to them and see these slight little things in common and say: "Oh, wow, we have a connection." It's the value that makes the girl receptive to the idea of having a connection with you in the first place. • It's not that you shouldn't worry about your sense of humor or making a connection with a woman, it's just that value tends to be a prerequisite. It's not everything, but it tends to come first. She's gonna give you much more of a chance, listen more, and be more affected by you if you have value. • Because we only have so much time and energy, we tend to seek out the relationships that provide us the most benefit. It's not good or bad - it is what it is. Recognize it, but don't analyze or judge people for it. ► Every relationship is up for grabs. The second someone senses that they benefit more by directing their time + energy from an old relationship to a new one, their mind is wired to start seeking out reasons to do so. RAS (Reticular Activation System) • Part of the brain which filters out that which is of no value to you and zones in on that which does have value. • This also works with your memories of past events. When a relationship has value, your RAS causes you to remember the good stuff in the past of the relationship. But when the relationship has no value anymore, the focus changes. You start to only see the bad things about the person and in the past of the relationship. • To get around RAS and not put too much value on the girl, you have to treat her as if she is like a guy, if she can get your full attention fast, then subconsciously she thinks: "Oh, I have value." When you can be normal around a very attractive woman, that's gonna get a pull of attraction. • With RAS you know how to pull the social energy in your direction, and you also know how to make people fight to get within your field of vision. ► The game the girls play is trying to get you to react to them, they're trying to get into your RAS. • Point is, people sustain relationships by focusing on what they get out of it. When the value changes, what they focus on is subject to change. • What you shouldn't take away from this is (DEAR GOD!) not that everyone is rationalizing against you - that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can recognize what's going on but at the same time you just chill and assume the best. 6 The most liberatinp mindset: Accept that the world owes you nothing, and in the end you'll get back no more, no less, than you deserve. • The world is a light place, so don't get too caught up in this stuff. Understand it, but don't focus on it. Value Is Your Magnet • When you have value, people will listen to what you have to say and they'll try to impress you in conversation. You'll change the topic of conversatlon/venue/etc and they're Into It. • People want to be in the warm end of the pool, not get kicked out. Want to be at the popular end of the table, instead of looking over at it. Situational Value / Subjective Perception • Social value could come as a result of a specific situation. It's a form of value that isn't worth anything on its own, but in a particular situation, as a result of the environment, is worth a lot. The environment gives someone status they wouldn't have on their own. ► (Ex: Professor giving inspiring lecture, performer performing concert, guy throwing party at his house, DJ, celebrity, bartender, etc.) • This leads to situational confidence. If you know that you can anticipate a positive response based on your environment, you're gonna feel confident. You assume value and when you know that you have value, you will tend to be outside your head, when you don't think you have value, you will tend to be inside your head. In the moment vs. micromanaging. ► When you are outside your head you are: enjoying yourself, acting in the moment, letting your real personality come out, saying what's on your mind, being unaffected by how other people react, being detached from the outcome of any one particular interaction, taking things as they come, being fully present to what's going on around you and expecting that everyone is your friend. ► When you are in your head you are: not enjoying the moment for what it is and saying to yourself "How can I make this moment better?", "How can I get more status/liked/acceptance/validation?" You are trying to change your personality specifically to make people like you, feeling flustered by all the social things that you feel like you need to be doing, being emotionally affected by other people's reactions, feeling like some particular interaction HAS to work or you might not get another chance, trying to think a step ahead and analyze how everyone will respond to you, being too stuck in your mind to even pay attention to what's going on around you and feeling like you're being judged. Makes you feel: unnatural, forced, needy, contrived. The Best Way To Make People Like You: • Just express your personality freely and let the chips fall where they may. • This implies that you are secure with who you are and probably have the value to back it up. What you're sub-communicating is so much more powerful when you can just be in the moment and allow the words to come out, shows you aren't even trying. ► What you'll find is that anytime you go into your head to try to impress, you'll lose the girl. Even if what you are saying is not as intelligent as if you had gone into your head to fish it out, you'll still hold more attraction. You'll be saying nonsense and she'll be enjoying it, but as soon as you go into your mind of some cool thing that you wanted to say to impress her, you'll repel her. 7 Reactiveness • In any social interaction, one person's reacting more to the other person than the other person's reacting to them. Always. ► They change their personality/act different to get your acceptance; they analyze how they are taking up your space and time. • When you are having these types of reactions to people you are giving your power away. People don't want you to do that, everyone wants to be around the cool, fun, charismatic dude that doesn't do that. Core Confidence • Whereas people with situational confidence will become inhibited and reactive when you put them into a new situation, someone with core confidence doesn't depend on being in a situation. They assume value all the time, they have core value as opposed to situational value. • The reason why you should have core confidence is simply because people will buy into it. You can see the glitch in the matrix, how other people are walking around and if you just appear a little more confident than them, you'll have the dominant reality. ► "If you act like a rockstar, you'll get treated like a rockstar. " • Anyone can understand how and why you should have core confidence intellectually, but to really become a guy that's great with women, you really need to have that "click" in your head: "Okay, I have core value." A lot of this seminar is how to create that click. • This is about being able to be that same cool guy no matter where you are or who you're with. Able to go into any environment and be the person who you're meant to be, not relying on any personality shell or situational confidence. Love • When most guys get in, they want one girl. Truth is, you have to become good with women in general. You have to get out of the model of the world where every girl you meet you're "failing in love with". • It's a big mindscrew when your 1^* girlfriend breaks up with you, and you want to get her back more than anything, especially with SC, and many guys come into the community wanting to "win" their old girlfriend back. • What is love? Language is a weird thing in how it sometimes dictates our reality, instead of describing it. In most languages, there are many words for many different types of love (brotherly love, love for a father, love for a mother, infatuation, long term love, etc.) while in English it's just "love". ► When you break the one word up and you don't have this one all-encompassing word that's supposed to mean everything, then the self-hypnosis most guys get into is not so common. ("Forever" is the key word in self hypnosis.) • A lot of people see love as having supernatural properties. (Ex: Only one soulmate for tfiem out there, true love lasts forever, fate will handle love for them.) ► With the belief systems that there's these types of "powerful forces" at work, it's no wonder people self-hypnotize themselves into wacky beliefs and emotional pain. • Love is not caused by another person. It's a trance that you put yourself into caused by yourself. As we loop our thoughts over and over around the concept of a particular person, our mind shifts the way that we perceive them and suddenly everything makes sense - it's love. Our thinking makes the person into someone they're not. • A chode is walking around with a gap in his self esteem, gets to plug the gap temporarily if he finds a woman. Mistakes validation or codependence for love. But you should be able to self-generate that feeling -> a lot of guys are stuck in unhealthy-land, use the girl as a pillar because they're disconnected from their own self esteem. Use the woman as a sort of situational confidence. ► The difference in Tyler's relationship is that he wasn't coming from a position of lack, and neither was she. There was an offering of value there, like fueling fire, not codependence. 8 When you first start talking to a girl in a club and you two hit it off, you may start to feel as if you two have a connection. This is bad because when you were just having fun, she was giving you her "hot guy" personality, but once you start to become outcome-dependent and she starts to lose attraction to you, you start to lose state ► Get over it by: l "Here's what gives me a certain status relative to other people and as a result I can act in all these different ways.", "I'm cool so I can act cool." • We are always processing our world through that little seed in our mind that is identity. What we perceive, the way that we perceive it, what we think about other people, way our emotions respond to other people. • If you think you are down low on the totem pole and you meet a guy who's up high, your experience of that person is gonna be a lot different than someone's who's as high as him. • There's nothing physically stopping you from being who you want in social situations. We all have a construct of what a cool guy looks like, but we don't give ourselves permission to be that guy. The only thing that's really stopping you from being that guy is your sense of identity. If you don't think you're the cool guy high up on the totem pole, then anytime you try to be cool, it'll feel weird and you won't want to do it, like swimming upriver. • Ultimately, your potential for social success is unlimited, but It's your identity that's going to push you forward or pull you back. Anything that involves elevating your status or going beyond the constraints of your identity, you will block out that idea subconsciously. "That's not me." • Most of your personality is arbitrary. It could have developed one way or another, depending on your circumstances. You may think that you came up with your personality ("That's me, I can't do something that's not me!"), but most of It at this point you did not come up with. -> When you were young, did something and got validation, started to develop those personality traits. ► Although your core never changes, many of your personality traits have developed in reaction . (Beta behavior, introversion, etc.) You Can Be The Person Who You're Meant To Be ► The biggest thing is not to get too attached to what you believe right now. To grow and evolve you can't be attached. • Everybody has a good idea of what they deserve, including the types of women. When you believe that you're on a girl's level, you're gonna behave naturally and you're easily gonna be able to create attraction with that girl. When you think you deserve her, attraction is automatic. ► But when you're going into your head to relate to what she's saying or impress her, on some SUBTLE, SUBTLE level the power's being given away. • The core difference between guys who are dancing monkeys (entertainers) and guys that pull is that the guys that pull know who they are. Social Feedback • You don't figure out how the world works on your own. You learn not to do a lot of stuff through 2"^ hand feedback - learning socially. • On a subtle level, what we're doing all the time is looking how other people are reacting to our behavior. Because we can read social cues, we can learn what is normal, permissible behavior. ► So if you were young while your identity was forming and you tried to step up and you saw other people say "that's not permissible behavior", "That's not the right way to act" then your mind goes "no, don't do that" - "don't act cool, don't act popular, don't be fun, etc." • A great deal of your reality is unverified and second-hand . We don't have enough time to learn everything on our own, so we learn to trust secondary info. We trust it based on how certain the other person is of what they are saying. Totem Pole Cool Guy You 10 • When someone has a lot of certainty about who you are, there's a lot of psychological pressure put on you to become that person. Imprints • In your mind, you have a concept of what a cool/uncool person looks like, it's an instinct to know what high status behaviors are. • Your mind is always pinging to find out how you're supposed to act. In different situations you act differently, depending on where your mind thinks you are on the social totem pole. ► These different ways of acting are called imprints. You use different imprints in different situations. So depending on how people are reacting to you when you ping, you choose a different imprint. • Your mind lets you choose a different personality based on what it thinks people will accept/like. It does this because for the first millions of years of evolution if you made someone unhappy they would take a rock and bash your head in. Now you can do practically anything and get away with it. ► Yes, you'll get humiliated a lot and feel uncool since you're trying to be someone you're not when you're working on your personality, but you won't get injured, you won't die . If you're afraid of humiliation and discomfort, then you'll never grow. ► It's harder to willingly humiliate yourself then get in a fight for most guys because, while being a manly man is part of your identity, being a dumbass chode is not. • The mind has developed an emotional system that doesn't let you act above your range because it wants to keep you alive. It gives you encouragement to access the confident part of your personality, the "confident imprint" whenever you think you have value and gives you discouragement from accessing it when you don't. You still have this system even though most of the threats it was designed to help you avoid no longer exist. There's no risk of getting kicked out of the tribe and dying. Now it's only "really embarrassing and annoying". State / Nimbus • Fancy word for confidence. You give yourself permission to be the person who you're meant to be. When you're in state: ► A feeling of being complete, ► A surge of positivity, steadiness and dominance, ► A sort of naturalness where everything clicks, ► A feeling that you are the source of good emotions in the environment, ► A feeling of total abundance where nothing could go wrong, ► Your jokes hit and you can say anything, • When you're out of state: ► A feeling of being incomplete, ► A burden of being weighed down, anxious or antsy, ► A sort of unnaturalness where everything is off-rhythm and ill-timed, ► You view other people as the source of good emotions (value scanning). • Key distinction: you have good emotions and you don't care vs. you have no good emotions and you're self-conscious. Your mind quiets, you're in the moment and you're totally outside of your head. • Naturals tend to go in state more than regular people, it's what makes them natural. • When you're in state, people's unconscious mind says: "this guy must have value, he must be the shit". You're also communicating authentically, which is what people like - when you're coming from a position of abundance, you have less need to be inauthentic. • The problem: when you know about state you get self-conscious and try to force it. ► While on one level you can understand that state is liberating, state allows you to do what you want, say what you want and it'll work great, on another level you have to have a personal boundary : Never monitor whether or not you're in state, just go: "If I'm not in state, I'm JUST GOING TO GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS ANYWAY" 11 Resistance • Concept from eastern philosophy, a new emotion. • Resistance is the emotion that you experience when you wish that the reality that is in front of you was different in some way. It's the opposite of acceptance. Never resist tlie reality tliat's in front of you, just accept it and take right action. ► Instead of: "Oh, I'm so depressed. I hate being depressed." do: "I'm depressed. I don't mind." Creates space between you and the emotion. • So the first gateway out of not being in state is just accepting. "That which you resist, persists." Taking Right Action • Taking right action is a muscle. We live in a society where the idea that [bad emotions are a valid excuse not to act] is a good reason not to do something. Taking right action is like saying "This is what is required to be done and I'm gonna do it regardless of emotion." You feel the emotion in your body, but you just move forward anyway. ► It's like when you're drunk and the police officer asks you to walk in a straight line. You're totally shit-faced, but you try, you just try. THAT'S LIKE WHAT MOST OF TYLER'S LIFE IS. • The only difference between courageous and cowards is being able to walk through a fog of bad emotions. Even Tyler doesn't take right action all the time, maybe 1/3 of the time, but most people do it 2% of the time. 2 Qualities To Cultivate: • Non-Resistance • Right Action Identity Criterion - State Thermometer • There is truth to the idea that people in impoverished countries are happier than those who have many luxuries. The reason? ► Someone who lives in impoverished may have less rules about when they allow themselves to experience happiness. "I can be happy when I'm out dancing." Vs "I can be happy when I have this and this and when I've accomplished this in my job, etc" • What does your mind need to view yourself as a worthwhile guy? Your identity/entitlement criterion is where your mind looks to reference how much value you have. (A.k.a. the rules you have to decide whether or not you can go into state.) • The "thermometer" that you use to decide whether or not you go into state is actually programmable . Much of the programming you have in your thermometer now is done through social conditioning. These are most of the ways guys chase after state: ► 1. Superficial Standards - looking good (incl. clothes, haircut), having a high status job, making money or owning nice things. Society's unrealistic standards. ► 2. Alliances - friendships or relationships. When you feel guaranteed acceptance because of the people around you. ► 3. Competencies - When you have anything that makes people want something from you. Access/knowledge/expertise/jokes. Something the community has been based on for so long - get in state because it allows you to feel you can provide the good emotions. ► 4. Roleplays - When the circumstances in your life call on you to assume a role. Teacher/being around people of lesser status. • These things are kind of like rules that you want to move past. Try going out not dressed as good or alone to accumulate new reference experiences and learn not to depend on any external forces. Nice clothes aren't bad - dress nice if you want to, but don't be limited by it. Move past it. ► It's letting that confidence come from within and not needing something else to be there. 12 • Pickup lines. WInen a pickup guru wino Inas so mucin authority and social proof tells you "use this line", your subconscious mind believes it, says "look at this, I have something to offer now." You say it with confidence, in a way that conveys value, because you now truly believe that you have value. CORE VALUE: The Final Criterion On State Thermometer • IVIost guys spend their lives chasing circumstances, it's a self-destructive pattern. The problem is, most guy's perception of the cause-effect relationship with these things is sinewed. ► Ex: Cool clothes. Most new styles were created by guys who have enough charisma to pull them off. Hip hop clothes were first created by people who didn't have money, but they decided it was cool and believed in it so much that it became cool. So rather than going out and trying to get the perfect clothes, what if you said "I'm gonna make these clothes cool. Own what I'm wearing." Anything that you have, you can make cool. Don't be the guy who reacts to trends, be the guy who creates them. ► Likewise, most people are looking in a venue for friends/relationships, "When I have these relationships, then I'm gonna feel confident." But in reality, core confidence is what brings the relationships to you. ► Most people need people reacting to them in order to feel confident, but they don't realize the cause and effect that when you are confident people react to you. • The first layer of getting core confidence is the flipping of cause and effect. You can stop chasing all the circumstances. It's not gonna happen right away. We're just planting the seeds here. If you don't know how your old, outdated emotional system works, it all feels so real. Knowing about this allows your core confidence to just sort of come out. And as you get more reference experiences your mind starts to accept "This is the truth." • Traits to cultivate to get core value: ► You identify yourself as an individual that can't be categorized, with a dynamic and flexible identity that could evolve at any time that you choose. ► You know what you've been through in life and trust yourself to get by no matter what situation you choose. ► You value your opinion of yourself more highly than the values and opinions of others and you determine your own value by a criteria that is your own . ► You know that your acceptance in any particular situation is never a threat to your overall well-being. ► You know what your best qualities are and that even if people don't see them or acknowledge them, you know very well that they exist. (You don't need other people to validate that your best qualities exist. Your state will not go down.) ► You know that you offer real value to people and if they don't see it, it's their issue, not yours. ► You believe that your life, perspective and energy have an inherent value whether other people acknowledge it or not. Guv With Situational Confidence Guv with Core Confidence You • His roots, where he draws his state from, are all outside of him. He doesn't need the roots of his confidence to extend outside of him. It comes from within. 13 Conflicting Realities - Anticipated Responses • Whenever you do anything, you have an anticipated response. You can predict, so your sense of reality is winat allows you to make predictions about the world. ► You have a model in your head about all the different cause-effect relationships. It's your view of how the world works, how people are like and how they should respond to you and your view of what you deserve out of life. • "Whoever has the strongest reality wins." They'll tend to impose that reality onto the other people around them. They have the stronger belief about who they are, how people should treat them, and where they stand on the totem pole. It will suck other people into that reality, and people will begin to treat them through that context. ► So while most people are always pinging to see how they should act. ...people with strong realities ping much less than others, and are less affected. They act mostly the same in all situations... • Ex: strong reality of a hot girl in a bar vs. a dude who gets a lot of girls: Hot Girl Believes: Cool Dude Believes: ► 1. I'm a hot girl. ► 1 . 1 have no shortage of options. ► 2. You are the next guy of the ► 2. I'm chatting you because I'm night. having fun. Girls are ► 3. You need silly/adorable/fun to be around, and validation/approval/sex from me. I'm chatting you. That's it. ► 4. 1 am too hard for you to get... ► 3. 1 am totally fulfilled in everything. ► 5. . . .but feel free to entertain me if 1 have everything 1 need. you like. ► 4. You seem cool, and if you turn out different from the other girls, we might hang out. ► 5. When 1 want something 1 take it, but for now I'm just chatting and having fun. • How to tell who has a stronger realitv in an interaction: ► Who is Screening vs. Qualifying - who is trying/reacting more in the interaction? Can be obvious (trying to impress) or very subtle (who is going into their head more and exerting more effort?) -> There's no "tactic" for this. The self is always coming through. Ex: Even if you are talking more than her maybe you're just in a blabbermouth mood and she's trying to impress you by seeming aloof. 14 ► Who is emotionally affected by the other person's acceptance, and who would feel no change? ► Who is losing their concept of what's cool and who feels no change? ► Who is changing the way that they normally talk in order to keep up and who is setting the tone of the conversation? (Ex: White guys who start talking gangsta, "Yo", if around a cooler dude who does it all the time.) ► Who would be having just as much fun if the other person wasn't there and who would feel like they're getting kicked out of the wamn end of the pool? The ability to amuse yourself is one of the most attractive qualities anyone can have, because it's gonna eradicate the highest level of neediness and you're the party. Being Unreactive • By feeling good, you're not feeling that pull of neediness and it allows you to be unreactive. Neediness makes you react. By not allowing your own behaviors and emotions to be thrown off by the other person's reality, you are being the most unreactive. • This DOESN'T mean being unresponsive or inexpressive. It's about being yourself, responding to the world, but on your own terms. Another way of looking at being unreactive is acting through your own intentions. When a girl tries to push you into the role of chasing/impressing her, you don't allow that into your reality. You don't react to that as being a part of your reality. • THE KEY: You stay positive, upbeat and being you, and draw her into that good reality and state that you're in. "Not only do I not put up with negativity, I don't even realize that negativity exists, because I've never seen it." -> It's outside of your reality, like trying to fit a square block into a circular hole. Trust In Your Faculties • Most people need to be told what to do by watching others, they do not have the muscle to go off of first-hand experience. • When a girl tests you (Ex: "Ew, you have a hairy back. That's nasty."), you have to remain unreactive. Think about it - does the girl care about the actual aspect of you or does she really care about how It affects you? If it bothers you or causes you to react? ► You only react to people you perceive as having higher value than you - would you be bothered if a mentally 111 homeless person said "You're a meanie"? ► By reacting when someone criticizes you and keeping talking and convincing other people that you aren't what they said, you are showing that the other person is obviously in your RAS and high status to you. You're giving your power away when you react too strongly to criticism. ► Basically it says "I don't value my own faculties highly enough to take my own opinion of myself over somebody else's. I need other people to believe what I believe in order to make it real. I value other people's opinions more highly than I value my own." You have no trust in your faculties. 15 The Formula: (Dominant Reality) MOST UNWAVERING^^ • Whoever has the /^CDXAIKIX\/ ^^^^^^ Certainty ^^^^ most unwavering certainty and least emotional reaction to conflicting views ^"^^ LEAST EMOTIONAL will tend to have the dominant REACTION reality. ► Most people's views of reality are very subjective and always up for grabs, when you have the dominant reality people will tend to look to you. Usually people are always pinging, while a guy with a strong reality isn't (much): ...But as they start to accept the dominant reality, it gets imposed because of absolute certainty: 9 ■ ...Most people are always looking to others and seeking out certainty. • So if you believe that whatever limitation you have (looks, money, etc) is a shortcoming, then it is. But if you believe that it's no big deal and completely arbitrary, then it's not. If you want to fix something about yourself, then do it for you, but realize that it's you who decides whether it's an issue or not. • When you tal ACTION, GIRL -> REACTION ► It's why you can't get attraction just by simply reacting well to everything she does. You have to be the one leading the interaction. She's following. Chaos vs. Grounding Energy • One big part of masculine polarity is being at home in the environment. "This is my house. This is my environment. We're already friends." ► Carrying yourself with total confidence and even playful cockiness. ► Asserting that what you have to say is funny, interesting and worth being heard. ► Positioning yourself as already chosen by every girl in the environment, and you are choosing the girl that you like. 19 • Women draw their state from their environment, men draw state from themselves. ► This means: you can feel happy whenever you want, it's simply a decision you have to make about where you want your awareness to go. (The limitation that most guys are under is that SC tells them that constant never ending stimulation is where the happiness is.) • Exercise: Shift your awareness from outside to your breath. Take a 4 second breath and feel it in your hands, feet, etc. Stimulation can get you focused on "the little me" (and where you fit into it all), but when you slow it down, your perception dilates and you feel the depth. Lets you feel good and enjoy the moment, instead of overwhelmed. You can feel good independently and not look to your environment for instant gratification. ► Another way to change your state at will is through your physiology. Jump up, clap your hands, etc will make you feel happy. • Consciousness vs. Self-Consciousness - Consciousness, us being aware of everything around us, is a great gift. The problem is self-consciousness. When we're just conscious, that's when everything flows. You can retreat into your mind to fish things out, but that's all that it is, don't be always thinking about past memories or future projections. When you're having a great night, it's not "I am the doer." It's "This is happening through me." • The energy you need to get in state, you're not gonna find that by feeding off other people's reactions. You bring it up from yourself. ► It's why guys use tactics - to get some type of positive response and pump their state up. So when they get success they think it was the tactics, when it was really the state they got, which they could have had anyway if they had the ability to draw it from themselves and not the environment. Don't need tactics. ► In fact, Tyler believes that at some point the girl will withdraw lOls completely to see if you are drawing state off of the environment. A dude who does will start reacting, attraction goes down. It'll make you feel as if when you make one little mistake, the girl goes away. • When you have a proactive social strategy (You act the same no matter what the social pressure or who you're with, not reactive, you don't keep changing yourself for everybody.), you're mal The strongest reality wins, you don't have to have the best comeback or the better answer all the time. • Anything that you don't like in your life, you don't have to acknowledge it. You only have to acknowledge the reality that you want and then the self-fulfilling prophecy comes to exist. Micro Behaviors • Things much more subtle than most sub-communication. (Ex: Like when you can look a girl in the eye, and your eyes hold steady, shows you are not running through images in your head. You're outside your head.) • You CANNOT consciously control or understand most of these like you can with sub-communication. You can't and you don't need to - it flows from state/within, and when you are flowing, it's all handled for you automatically. All that you need to know is how to flow. Congruence • If you have full belief in the anticipated responses you know you're gonna get, that's gonna drive your micro behaviors, and it's what makes you really, really good at this. You're fully assuming that what you want is the reaction to be is gonna happen. • Ex: When you're telling a story, you can make a girl laugh on the spots on the story that you want her to laugh just by believing that she's gonna laugh. It's like this vibe. Flinching (Or Retreating Into Your Mind) • When you doubt yourself, it's gonna blow your anticipated responses. If you retreat into your head, the great assumptions you have won't work. -> You'll come off as creepy. • This knowledge (The Blueprint) can both help you or hurt you. Can help by letting you see the social phenomena and do stuff you couldn't previously do. But it could hurt you if you're going through life constantly asking yourself: "Do I have the stronger reality here?", "Am I retreating into my head? ... oops, I guess I am." ► The solution is that we can look at it with a large scope or a much simpler one, which is "HAVE FUN". When you're in the science lab, be a scientist. When you're out, be a person. It's perfectly fine to teach and learn this stuff because it helps us, but if we're thinking about it when we're out, that's only going to go against us. And isn't there a funny irony there that in working to understand social dynamics more subtly, you could actually become less socially savvy? You could become less socially skilled and lose that coolness about you 25 when you're focused on it too much. You have to be able to disconnect yourself from it when you go out. Giving Value • If you believe that women don't enjoy sex as much as men do, if not more, then when you're calling that girl over, you're gonna feel like you're taking value, like you're trying to trick her into something. • Having a Inigin level of integrity as a person and knowing that you always offer value to the people that you interact with is gonna allow you to come across so much stronger . How To Fully Believe In Yourself: Trust In A Foreign Set Of Bearings • When we learn new bearings like now, we have not developed the reference experiences yet that we could trust in them. • The process ► 1 . You're learning the ins and out of how the new behavior works. ► 2. You're gathering evidence. Looking at what other people are doing and you're experimenting. ► 3. You eventually get it to the point where you don't have to think about it anymore. You have fully trusted in the bearings. Your mind has gone through the process and you now have an anticipated response , new assumptions. This is called internalization . • Internalization - the process of trial-and-error that you have to go through to create an assumption that you never have to think about ever again. For something to be internalized: ► 1. You do it naturally. ► 2. You're in the moment when you do it, because it doesn't require any thought. ► 3. You never have to think about it ever again. • Your beliefs/assumptions about what will happen if you approach a stranger are, unless you've done it hundreds of times, second-hand knowledge. It's the same as jumping out of an airplane - you think you know what would happen, but it's based on second-hand knowledge. Unless you really tried, you don't know. But because most SC says that you can't, you don't try. Newbie's Paradox • A newbie, if he's not confident when he's approaching, is gonna get bad results/negative evidence. The paradox is that, in order to get that unwavering belief, you need reference experiences in order to believe it. But you can't get the reference experiences without the unwavering belief a lot of the time. • To have unwavering belief you have to get to a point where. . . ► 1. You fully assume that what you're gonna do is gonna work and... ► 2. You have to be totally indifferent to the odd times that it doesn't. • ...That's how it's gonna be totally relaxed, natural and congruent when you approach. There's no pride attached to it. It's just a funny thing to do, and you know that anybody else could figure It out if they were to try. You can't make an identity out of it, believing that you can do all this stuff other people can't. Don't make it a big deal - you shouldn't have this false sense of superiority just cause you know how to approach women. Ego Defense Mechanism • Telling a newbie to go approach a woman is a lot like telling him to go walk into a wall. There's always a little dip as he's approaching, that little bit of flinch. That self-protection. It's like dipping your toes into the pond to see if it's warm vs. JUMPING IN. It's an inability to put your real personality on the line. • Ego Defense Mechanism - When you're talking to a girl and your unconscious mind will make you flinch so that you can tell yourself: "She didn't reject the real me. She rejected the flinching me." 26 The Halfway Point Between Fear And Total Belief Is INDIFFERENCE • You can't really go out and try to cultivate total belief as a newbie, because what you're gonna get as a newbie is evidence that you suck. But what you can do is go out and get reference experiences that it doesn't matter what other people think of you . ► Eventually, you cross something called the indifference threshold . It's true indifference, letting go of the outcome. • Confidence is communicating that you're successful with other women. The women's system Is designed not to feel attracted to you if you're not confident. So if you aren't successful with women, the system is designed to make you not get girls. It's designed so that you can't get confident unless you really have what the women want. ► So what you have to do is essentially scramble the system. Pummel your brain with so many reference experiences that the whole system overloads. You realize that you're still here after getting blown out a million times, and then you cross the indifference threshold. And now that you're indifferent, things change. (You go from stifled -> unstifled.) ► When your mind has the click "It's better to be this high value, fun, social guy than it is to avoid attention and not infringe on anybody, the micro behaviors start to come in. RAS starts to look at behavior of cool guys more. • The indifference threshold is something that can be crossed very quickly. Don't try to be confident in life, just try to be indifferent. Confidence will flow from that point. Stifling • When you're stifled, your mind is telling you: "Don't let your voice be heard past this range that is permissible. Don't take up space beyond xyz range. Don't go interrupting people, taking up their time and space. Don't do that" • Stifling happens because, as you change environments you're not totally certain of what that environment is (possible danger), so your unconscious mind stifles you in. What happens is your voice is not totally unlocked. You have to unstifle yourself. ► That richness in your voice is what she's responding to, that unstifledness. (It conveys that you are comfortable in the environment at a deep level, unconcerned with taking up space.) • How to get unstifled and cross the indifference threshold: ► First realize the law of inertia is acting on you. An object at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. If you're just sitting there with your buddy and then you see some girls you want to approach, you don't have any momentum. So you need to BE that outside force to get yourself unstifled. ► To get unstifled you have to do something that's out of character, isn't really you an expands the energy, time and space that you're taking up. • 1 ■ The Imitation Game - Imitate something that's not you. (Ex: Lion, crocodile, toaster, rhinoceros, t- rex, whale.) The club social pressure is pushing down on you, and the club can get on top of you, or you can get on top of the club. Social Vibinq • Logic is the opposite of emotion, they flush each other out. When you're vibing with people and trying to be to logical, that can break the vibe - Logic is a vibe-breaker. The idea is that socializing and vibing with people is an end in and of itself. If you're feeling like you have to prove yourself, that's not really vibing. 27 • Emotional states are addictive. Someone wino's addicted to positivity winen you bring up a negative topic won't focus on it, they'll change the subject. But someone addicted to negativity will play off of it and explore all the negative ramifications. ► The more often that you access an emotional state, the more synaptic pathways your mind creates in order to access it again and again. ► Memory is also state-access dependent. When you're unhappy, you'll remember unhappy memories more and vice versa. • Why Tyler reads books is not only to get the info that's in it, but to get the presence from that author, get him into that zone. • The new social habits that you get from going out are maintained. You don't go back to being introverted, stuck in your head, logical right after you stop going out. Logic vs. Emotion (cont...) • If you're used to being an engineer or computer programmer and you're doing logic all day, a lot of the time when you go out to that social gathering, you feel alienated/disconnected from the environment. You see people playing around and you're still trying to compute it. • A logical conversation is very linear, so you're thinking very linearly - topics that are logically related. Vibing is not linear, you're just expressing yourself outward. You're shooting images in-between each other's heads that amuse you and therefore amuses her back. (The value is fun.) Side Belief: Sex is a natural consequence of chemistry and therefore an inevitability. It's a way to cement a moment and blow off steam. Unhitching From Social Conditioning • You have unhitched from your old identity and the easiness of social conditioning. ► When you're in newbie/intermediate phase, it's like there's a hole in you, an anxiousness/uneasiness that makes you crave validation and more reference experiences to reinforce your reality. You want to keep living in the reality because, in abundance, your state goes up. So you get addicted to reinforcing your reality. (Approaching every girl, getting "pick up" friends, researching it for hours at a time.) You can't relate to your old friends as much, because they're stuck in the old reality. So you keep pushing the reality and start to develop a false self , instead you want to find your centeredness. • Being a chode is easy - it doesn't require an expenditure of energy, you could go through your whole life without anybody insulting you, humiliating you, and you won't have to push your edge. The Concept Of "It Didn't Worl<" • There was a point in Tyler's life when he was a teen and going through a rough time and thought, "If I just had X and y and z, then I'd be happy." Then a couple months later he had all the conditions he had said would make him happy, but it didn't work. ► Think of how celebrities feel when they have all the fame/women, but they're still unhappy. Because if your conditions are bad, you can blame them, but when you can't blame anything, you start to feel nuts. • Later he lives on beachfront Hawaii, nymphomaniac gf, RSD going fine, perfect day and everybody's happy, but he's not. Thinks "I have arrived, so why am I unhappy still? What the hell is going on here?" True insanity is when you get what you want, but you still have not become the happy person that you expected. • What happens is that you develop an ego - like your "pick up persona" that you need to "put on" in certain situations in order to get love and respect, and it starves real self esteem. In the same way that a chode feels the need to show other people his watch, when you learn about social dynamics, you feel the need to show people your more gregarious self. ► If you've developed a lot of shells around your core personality, then you always feel like you need to be doing something and controlling the frame, find it difficult to just chill. You feel this type of antsiness. 28 Ego vs. Self-Esteem • Society has got most people so fucking scattered, going from stimulation to stimulation. They don't even realize that confidence and feeling good about yourself is a default state . • The difference between ego and self-esteem: ► Self-Esteem: you're born with it, it's indescribable, self-sustaining. ► Ego: A rational construct that we come up with as a substitute for self-esteem, when self- esteem becomes wounded at a young age. Getting status, making money, pulling girls - allows us to logically see why we should have confidence. • On the surface, ego makes sense. -> "If I don't have anything going for me, then why should I feel confident?" It's rational. We come up with reasons why we should feel confident even though it's a default state. • There's a very freaky epiphany that happens when you realize that happiness is your default state. Means that there's been no real purpose to all that you've done in your life. Start to question "Why am 1 doing this if 1 could just feel happy independently?" • You used to have self-esteem, but at some point in your life you were wounded. (Parents told you not to talk to strangers, not talk loud, social conditioning hits you with "the path to happiness".) Kids are sponges, soak this in, and... ► What eventually happens is that you don't feel you can be confident just for you anymore. You feel disconnected from the tribe, not a part of it. Your mind can't just let you stay that way, unconfident, so it says "What are some logical reasons why 1 can feel confident?" ► So you start comparing/differentiating yourself from other people. (Self-esteem is based on common humanity, and ego is based on separateness/differentness.) • The ego is false because we don't have perfect memories, we twist them more positive/negative so we can make an identity out of them. Your ego is never as accurate as you think, it's just this little fake construct that you've made. ► It seems big, but really it's like a little grain of sand stuck to your eye, that's the filter through which you see the world. • The ego is made up of: ► Logical evidence : "1 got this girl, this one, that one." ► People's opinions : You try to "find yourself" in other people's opinions. ► Rationalizations : "This person's such a dick and the only reason other people like him is because they're stupid." Everybody has a story (connected to other stories, etc.) to come up with their sense of self. ► Comparisons : Life is about the unknown (no one knows where the universe is, whether we're actually alive, what happens when we're dead, etc.), but what the ego does is it tries to shelter us from the unknown through labels/judgments/comparisons. Tells us "I know the environment" and tries to shelter us from the very frightening truth that we are constantly in the unknown. Our mind says "we have to find a context ." • Human life is absurd in that we create relationships, do amazing things, all to eventually die. Life will end. Ernest Beckert: "The fact that someday we're gonna die leads to a denial of death where we can begin to view the world as an arena for heroism. " • The ego always wants to kick the next man down so you can show why you're better. Because it's always looking for context, it has to show that you're more real/tangible. "1 want to be the best." ► It leads to looking your whole life at the surface of things and not the depth. A life of running around, trying to figure out who you are, to heal that wound. ► But you later realize: "The more personal the wound, the more universal the wound." We all have stories: "This happened to me, this is my identity", but look at all these girls who like me, the good responses I can generate. • The ego is unsustainable because you always have to have reference material to validate it. It's a black hole that creates neediness. You need evidence that those old wounds don't matter anymore. ► Are you shaping your reality from this desperate feeling of lack or are you doing it for the sake of right action? To feel the flow of creativity or to deny the unknown? 29 • The now is the only moment there ever is - do not seek happiness in the future, it's now. The way that you feel now, this is it. ► We're taught from an early age to go to school -> high school -> college -> job -> and when we retire is the glory. Like a "deferred life plan". We're always taught to measure/grade ourselves and get to the next thing, get to the future . ► Once you realize, yes there's a future, but this moment is it, then the concept of time become irrelevant. There's no real use for time. The Result Is Antl-Cllmatic • The result can never be as good as the doing. The now. If happiness is default, there's no difference when you get something. It's ail the same thing. Offering value to people is the best thing you could ever do. Value Givers and Value Takers (Tyler's "Method") • Whenever you're operating through the ego and you're trying to get someone to react to you, that is taking value. When someone is trying to self-seek by manipulating your reactions, you can sense it. ► But when you're authentic and you're just offering value, it's amazing how people will respond. Don't make your criteria for success "how they responded". Your only criteria is you put yourself out there and were true to yourself, just said what you though in the moment. • Whenever you're just trying to add value, that's an attractant. Take value = repellant. • The Formula: Everyone is unique, that's their inherent value. And since we have a socially created reality we always enjoy interacting with people. But if they're giving you knowledge in order to generate reactions, that's not really giving you authentic knowledge/perspective/vibes = no value giving. Offering Value and Self-Amusement • Self-amusement - you say things that'll pump your own state, not like most other guys who are thinking "What will she respond to best?" Say things you find funny, even if they're ridiculous. As long as what you're doing amuses you. • When you're bringing the party, she's interested, when you're trying to wedge your way into her party, she's repelled. Emotional state is your full cup. Your centeredness is your value to a woman as a man. Ego (cont...) • Ego starts with the wound at a young age, and you rationalize your identity/uniqueness is that, BUT IN REALITY WE ALL HAVE WOUNDS. • You have to accept both your good and your bad. Accept that the more personal it is the more universal it is, and you have to accept the wound. • It's when you can look past the surface/glitz/glamour, look past that and realize that we're all human, there's a click that takes place and you become comfortable in your own skin. Authenticity • Everyone was born fine, happy, but them something happened that moved you away from that. But you can re-find that self-esteem. • Anything that you think that is bad about you, without self-esteem, is an embarrassment, but when you have self-esteem, they're endearing quirks. The self is always coming through. 30