Rin - Last Thursday at 6:39 PM
I'm reaching a breaking point with Pris and am finding it hard to defuse myself from doing something really drastic
So I'm sorry, whatever comes
I doubt that'll help salvage your perception of me if it comes to it
But so you know
I am sorry
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 6:39 PM
squeeeeze.
Rin - Last Thursday at 7:09 PM
pris isn't the root of the issue, unfortunately
the root of the issue lies with a retinue of subhumans who refuse to leave nathan alone
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 7:10 PM
I know.
But Pris has kinda dragged him back into that, so it transfers to her.
Rin - Last Thursday at 7:10 PM
uh huh
i have a few ways this could be handled
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 7:10 PM
I can try to handle it for you.
Not perfectly. But perhaps in a way you couldn't.
Rin - Last Thursday at 7:11 PM
you would handle it better, but i'd rather you not hurt yourself over it
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 7:11 PM
I won't. I'll try a lighter touch.
Rin - Last Thursday at 7:11 PM
i'd like to assume responsibility because it makes me unreasonably angry
but
the first idea was to get pris to disengage from mcm and to leave it in eryl's hands
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 7:11 PM
And if that doesn't work, I'll leave a direct approach to you.
Rin - Last Thursday at 7:11 PM
i couldn't accomplish that.
but
if you attempt that
and
it doesn't work
then i make this very clear
i am going to give her a choice between this discord and that place
and i know what her answer is gonna be
and i don't really care
she doesn't listen to any language but force, anger, and manipulation
she ignores things blatantly when she knows people are less conditional, and the stakes are lower
because it's all she knows
and i find that
intensely hard to forgive
the other option is to ruin the lives of the other people, and to incapacitate them, but that's vastly more difficult and vastly less likely to be successful, because these are roaches that live and breathe this sort of conflict and are addicted to it
feeding into it will not have a positive impact nor a negative one
it will do absolutely nothing
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 7:13 PM
I know. I need to concentrate for a moment, so forgive me if I stop responding for a bit.
Rin - Last Thursday at 7:13 PM
it's fine
but i'm not going to be told that i can't interact with nathan because he's being made to play games with these people when i know for a fact they're laughing at and abusing him
he knows this
he's doing it because pris is an ignorant trull
but
i'll hush
... thank yo
u
i didn't...
... i didn't expect anyone to agree with me
... i
uh
i
actually don't know how to respond
but this officially rescinds my previous request not to hear about it
this has become unconscionable

[Here I have a side conversation with Nathan about what's stressing him out and his reasons for playing PUBG with MCM staff even when it's uncomfortable for him. I can't find a tidy, unambiguously positive answer, but I ask him to consider not playing when Benediction's around, since her presence seems particularly harmful to his emotional health. He agrees that's likely for the best.]

Rin - Last Thursday at 8:01 PM
...
sorry...
i feel like i really should apologize for some reason
but it does calm me down a bit to know i'm not necessarily wrong to be angry about it
when nathan told me why he was playing pubg it was just really revolting
to hear
i often second guess when stuff like that is
actually attempts at reconcilliation and when it's just blatantly awful
so i didn't really know if i was wrong
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 9:03 PM
Okay.
I've offered alternate solutions in the long term, and I've gotten Nathan to commit to a short-term solution that will prevent PUBG from being deleterious to their emotional wellbeing.
I think that's the best I can do for now, given that I still don't know anything.
I'll still be working on things from now on.
Rin - Last Thursday at 9:04 PM
yeah i'm being really bossy about getting information
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 9:04 PM
The short-term solution involves, as a component, "staying the fuck away from specific unpleasant people".
Rin - Last Thursday at 9:04 PM
and might find a more nonchalant way of lifting the generalized 'ban' on-channel because Pris is so tone-deaf that I doubt they'd connect the dots
but that's not something i was gonna do without talking to other people for opine first
honestly though
i've said the same to you and nathan already and once i say it to blaze i won't need to say it publicly
so i probably won't bother
i might just ask blaze to play good cop if we have to push at all
for pris, i mean
she'll inevitably clam up at the first sign of conflict
(as if she isn't perpetually a steel trap lol)
so i wanted to ask blaze to sorta pad that
they'd be amenable; blaze is just as wary of these things as we are
but anyway
i'm going to avoid talking to pris and if it wasn't totally conspicuous
i'd probably ask her to sit out of scenes
for the next week or so
i won't, but i want to
it might be misplaced, but i've lost all faith in them
i don't really actively pursue any kind of relationship with them anymore and need a few days to get over my bitterness about them before i can talk to them without wanting to explode on them
so
just so you're aware of that being in the background
you'd sense the tension; i want you to know why it's there
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 9:08 PM
I'm aware, but thank you. ^^
I'll keep it in mind.
Rin - Last Thursday at 9:09 PM
nod
i'll lay off until my level of vehemence would be productive to apply
i kinda appreciate the lack of need for self-moderation
it's not that i couldn't if i were alone but i like being able to rely on other people
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Last Thursday at 9:09 PM
nod...
I like having the chance to help
So don't worry
Rin - Last Thursday at 9:10 PM
but if it were up to my impulse right now i would just priscilla to fucking leave and nathan to just stop talking to her or something impossible and obscene like that
sighs
but there is one thing that i'm glad about
it's that nathan wasn't doing this of their own volition
i'm glad to know that they're doing this 'for pris' and not because they earnestly thought it was a good idea
if that were the case, i would've
i don't really know
i wouldn't clenched my teeth a lot over it
at least this way i have somewhere to place frustration
being angry at pris doesn't necessitate yelling at them, as much as i want to, so
at least i have something else to feel like i could theoretically do
and that
that helps me
... but i don't wanna be friends with pris anymore
after the tp stuff, and knowing they were blatantly investing more energy on mcm and planning their own scenes on the same day
because they perceived this situation as less volatile and less urgent
after all her litanies about politicking
and othersuch
the level of a lack of self-efficacy i see in that is just impossible to reconcile
i'll never view her the same way again, with this compounded on top of that
so, i'm really closed to her and i don't really consider her feelings like i should
so i'll try not to act on my own with regards to her

[Conversation drifts off of the topic of Priscilla and Nathan. The next night, she pokes Priscilla on the Quiet World server about airing her grievances.]

InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Yesterday at 12:58 AM
Please be careful, okay?
Rin - Yesterday at 12:58 AM
i'm not mentioning any of this stuff
i'm going to vent the other stuff
about her constantly being weird with scenes, and general social stuff
i'm not going to mention anything that specific
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Yesterday at 12:59 AM
Okay. Good luck.
Rin - Yesterday at 1:01 AM
don't worry too much
i first asked her 45 minutes ago and she's been too 'distracted by work' to even notice it
when she sees that she'll probably brush it off, not realize i'm serious, etc
the conversation might not even happen
copypaste from blaze:
exhales
you know something?
it's honestly
just
a massive relief
to know that she knows i'm angry
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Yesterday at 1:15 AM
nod...
I'd hoped it would be.
Rin - Yesterday at 1:16 AM
i'm making an itinerary of things to go through with blaze so that i don't get nervous in the heat of the moment and either break down into sobbing or yelling
since i consider you sorta the backup mediator
that goes like
okay, so
The first is about scene stuff
How I am upset about how she's been missing stuff, and narcoleptic, and even though she's said she's going to be better, I haven't had the opportunity to gauge that one way or the other
and how I still need to let her know i feel extremely slighted
expanding from that, i feel like i've been sidelined because she views me as less risky than others in terms of
rping
and i don't appreciate that me trying to reign myself in is being rewarded with what i take as being ignored
i've never felt quite right about how we communicate with one another, and there's a massive disparity between what she considers casual friendly banter and what i consider rude
and i feel like she hasn't made much of an effort to understand my boundaries in that regard
I'm not going to mention
and make a very strenuous effort
not to allude to mcm or nathan at all
i think that's enough to have in mind, because she'll no doubt have her own litany of grievances and responses thereto
would you suggest anything else
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Yesterday at 1:17 AM
No; that sounds like a good itinerary.
Rin - Yesterday at 1:17 AM
blaze suggested thinking of some examples of what she says that feels rude to me
but that'll take me a bit
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Yesterday at 1:18 AM
nod!
Rin - Yesterday at 1:23 AM
i'll be able to sleep at least
saying even this much helped immensely
InvisiblePinkUnicorn - Yesterday at 1:23 AM
I'm glad. <3

[Conversation ends. She then left a series of messages for me after I'd signed off for the night on Friday.]

Rin - Today at 4:18 AM
I had a talk with Setsu
I resolved that the best way I can handle this is to be patient
I'll be more straight with you than the others
I want to, desperately want to, just throw all the emotional weight I have to force disengagement from these offending circles
But the reality is, that would leave regrets
A rift
People need their own time to be free of emotional baggage
And the best thing I can do to help in the meantime is to be patient
And to assure that I and we will always be here
For everyone
So
I'll do my part
I'll be s bit lonely and
Try not to throw tantrums when people need to be silent
I'll do what I'm supposed to and have faith that you all will resolve it
Because keeping this place pure is the only way I can help
That's my decision and I'm unlikely to change it now