- Elmer's Diary.
- Dear diary,
- today I woke up at 1PM, 3 hours earlier than usual. I have no idea how that could happen when I've been playing MKWii until 5 in the morning.
- Oh well. I'll take it. I make my way to the bathroom to get my hair done, because I'm a cute little Swede. After making my hair I proceed to brush my teeth only to notice that my toothpaste has been empty for four months now. My oh my, seems like I forgot to tell my mommy that I need new toothpaste.
- I'll tell her at dinner. After getting done in the bathroom I boot up my laptop, start up my Wii and start playing while looking through the EX Clan conversation.
- I see that one penguine guy started 15 chains and mentioned Elneny approximately 20 times. Seems that ups his strike from 471 to 506. Good thing I introduced this efficient strike system to weed out every troll in the clan. Content with what I've done to help EX grow to be the superpower it is now, I chuckle to myself. After asking for a 5v5 in EX I head over to YouTube to look up videos of my favorite player, Fox. Even though I like him very much, I know that he looks up to the force of nature that is I, Elmer. He's subbed 1:57 on BC3, but I comment under the run telling him that he did not drift the last turn pixelperfectly in lap 3. I hope he takes my advice and improves his lines.
- After being done with YouTube I start playing some time trials. I choose Funky Kong and pair him with the Bowser Bike. There's nothing else I can do seeing as I've replaced every character with Funky and every vehicle with Bowser Bike. I want to have sex with Funky Kong.
- I choose Toad's Factory because I always run the track until I'm very unlucky. With my confidence as high as it ever was I finally sub 2 minutes. I sadly fell down at the first jump, otherwise I would've had world record. Once again unlucky.
- After this feat of dominance I turn back to the EX chat. I see that we have six people ready to war but six is one too many for a 5v5. After thinking thoroughly about who to remove from the lineup, the chat complains about how I play every war. "But you cannot win without me, I'm the leader!" I exclaim, while kicking the entire line up from the clan. They did not respect my authority, so they had to go. By now it is 6PM and not much has happened so I decide to have dinner with my family. As I walk down the stairs of our beautiful home I hear weird noises from Mommy. Is she wrestling with Daddy again? Upon entering the living room I can see how the local refugee Mohammend Ahmed Al-Bayata is forcefully inserting his genitals into my Mommy, who seems to be enjoying it. In the far corner of the room I can see Daddy crying while Mohammed shouts "Inshallah I love this country." We cannot retaliate or otherwise we will be considered islamophobic and racist. After getting some Funky Kong shaped sausage out of the fridge, I make my way back to my room. I lay down, look at the sausage and daydream of Funky Kong being my best friend. He'd give me a ride around town everyday and we would be super cool.
- Finally, at 10PM we find a war. We're up against wZ. They're very bad but shock reliant and they always get the shock and every dodge. I want to be as lucky as them. After seven disconnects and restarts we finally finish the war. It's 1AM by now. Sadly we lost by 340 points, but the war was very close up until the last race. I think I performed very well. I've beaten my best score of 15 by a total of 3 points, making my best score ever 18. I could've gotten 180 points if they weren't so shock reliant and my team was communicating better.
- At 2AM I scim through the chat again, looking for anything strange going on. I see people having a chain of 20 so I must break it. Only the chains I start are good chains. After that I give George moderator because he said he is a loyal member and a good moderator so I trust him. He once broke my trust but this time I'm sure, seeing as 24 hours have gone by since that incidient. He starts deleting everyone from the chat while deleting our war record. I'm very upset, he even changed the conversation picture. I hope I can find it again. I leave the conversation and start a new one, where I invite back all of the 80 members that have been lost in the recent purge including George. I give him a harsh warning and 400 strikes. He apologises and we're best friends again. At 4AM, I turn of my laptop and take one last look at the XXL Funky Kong poster that is hanging above my bed. I whisper "Good night Funky." before turning off the lights and going to sleep. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
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