BC

Mr. Chairman, Honored Colleagues,

I believe I have held my peace long enough and feel it necessary to bring an issue most pressing to this hallowed chamber.

I feel compelled, not only by the oath of office I swore but by the sacred duties thereto entrusted to me by the people*, to inform you that our citizens, our beloved brothers and sisters – and we, their humble servants –, have been operating without a new Butt of the Week since the 27th of March, 2018.

That, my esteemed confrères, constitutes a total of 59 days.  Fifty-nine long and miserable days of brazen indifference and ignoble silence, of thwarted hope and shattered dreams, of cruel indignity and unusual want.

My question to all of you: are we to continue in this fashion?  Are we to assume that this is the new status quo, that this is the way things are supposed to be?  What happened to decorum and procedure, I ask you?  To honor and duty, and to the dignity of man?  Is this kind of slapdash waste of potential what we should accept and surrender to?  What we should expect in the future?

Mr. Chairman, I hereby urge you to give the people the power necessary to reclaim our dignity.  And I do mean all of them, every last one.  You can trust them.  There is a fire burning in their soul, a good heart beating in their chest.  They mean to do good.  Were it not so, would they be among us?

Give them a voice and let them update the topic every once in a while.  I keep forgetting to do it because I get sidetracked by all kinds of stupid shit, like a cat chasing its own tail.

Look inward, Mr. Chairman, I beseech you.

It is not too late.

And you, my dear citizens, I shall leave with this: a great man and fellow admirer of butts once said,

"Ask not what #buttchat can do for you, but what you can do for #buttchat."

Take it to heart and together we shall march toward the promised land, just in our cause and once again known as the children of God.

Thank you,
db


*As envisioned by the great Abraham Lincoln: "... a government of the butt people, for the butt people, and by the butt people," if you recall.