Stranger: *knock knock* Hello? Anyone there?
You: Uhh... I'm in the shower. One sec.
You: Who is it?
Stranger: You know very well who it is.
You: Oh come on Linda I told you it was just that one time.
Stranger: Just one time?! Then tell me why you keep getting voice messages!
You: It's a wrong number, honey! Really!
Stranger: Then why does she say your name!
You: Look, I don't know. I told her not to call me, I told her it was a mistake.
Stranger: You know what else she said that she misses the old times when you would sneak out to have some "fun"
You: You see what's going on here? She can't accept that I'm not willing to sacrifice my integrity for her. She's... she's... she's trying to slander me!
Stranger: Dont lie! I've caught you more than once!
You: Sweetie, come on now. You know how wasted I was at the company Christmas party, I couldn't even see straight!
Stranger: Well you didnt seem to mind!
You: Look, Linda. I'm sorry, ok? I'm really sorry. I just don't see why this is such a big deal? I've seen you and Doug! Don't tell me there isn't something going on there.
Stranger: Dougs gay!
You: Yeah! Well... That's... He's trying to trick me! You both are! I know what's going on here.
Stranger: What?
You: That 'business meeting' in Seattle? Come on, you can't tell me you were REALLY just selling scanners.
Stranger: *slaps you* How could you!
You: Wha... Hey! How dare you! I- I- I... I'm so sorry, honey. I know it's all in my head. How did we end up like this? All those good times, gone...
Stranger: Because of you and that whore!
You: Jennifer is not a whore! She's an amazing woman! You don't have the right!
Stranger: Im leaving you!
You: She's... wait, what?
Stranger: Thats right!
You: I... No, Linda, please. Honey. I know that we've, that I've, grown distant. I hate it, I really do. I want to fix this, I want to make it good again. You're really going to throw it all away? Remember what we shared! Remember Santa Barbara, or that time in New York!
Stranger: Yes and all those times i find you slobbering over some bimbo!
You: Ok, I'm going to call her, ok? I'm going to call her and say that if she ever... if she ever... *sob* oh god... I'm so sorry Linda... I'm so sorry...
Stranger: No I'm sorry for believing in you *leaves*
You: Linda wait! *runs stumbling after* We can fix this! We can... we can go do marriage counseling, I can take time off from work and we can just get away from all of this. Please, I'm begging you.
Stranger: Stop it just stop it! *gets in car*
You: No... oh god no... *crying, stumbles to the ground*
Stranger: *drives off*
You: Well, fuck. The end.
You: Bravo, by the way.
Stranger: thank you