To Finchy, my dearest love:

Though fate dealt you an ugly form,
My xoran heart is ever warm.
You've caused that heart a lover's drumming,
And blinded me to your shortcomings.

Though you had wit at your disposal,
You chose a rather lame proposal.
On bended knee, with just a pear,
Your love for me you then did swear.

But I know deep inside my soul,
No other lass could fill this role.
You'd likely win the crazed or boring,
But I am patient and adoring.

Adoring is the easy part.
You're quick of wit and pure of heart.
Then you sailed off with no farewell,
And your return, who could foretell?

But though you're nothing of a gallant,
Apology is still a talent.
At once our love became renewed,
When by your sorries I was wooed.

So while this fever has me soft,
(Or was it all this rum I've quaffed?)
I'll tell you now, and don't forget.
That I'm the best you'll ever get.

Your loving wife,
Mayapple

p.s.  I'm absolutely crazy about you and you make me giggle and swoon like a silly little girl, but if you tell anyone, I'll pluck your feathers to sell stuffed Captain Squeaker dolls at a 1000% mark-up.