I entered grade 11 with optimism. I felt that it&apos;s a fresh start, a reset, and an escape from my shitty junior high school. At first, I thought I found what I&apos;m looking for. I got new friends, a new environment and new opportunities. Even though I have familiar faces from the past, I did not mind that. Everything seems fine, but because I have many friends beyond our classroom, which is full of transfer students, that my anxiety and self consciousness is tearing me apart, and people who knew me before are also my classmates, I fucked it all up. After a string of bad decisions, being an asshole, and being selfish, all I have is nothing.<br>
I never expected that my jhs days would connect to my bedan days. And I never expected my actions would fucked me up. To be honest, I know I deserve this, but this is too much for me to handle. Now my mates are always shittalking me behind my back and infront of my face and I have no one to talk to. Every night is a lonely night. Each day is making me think of killing myself more. If you are reading this (I guess no one will cuz I haven&apos;t told anyone about this) then this is a cry for help. I can&apos;t stand it anymore.<br>