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- A SONG OF WAR
- (don't ask for more)
- (because of lies,
- I must revise)
- An army gathers in the distance,
- A village soon will need assistance.
- Defenders in their fortress gray
- Have waited for this siege all day.
- But these attackers, well, they're mean;
- They're strong, they're fast; their banner's green!
- The brazen footmen start to march,
- And all the archers bravely arch.
- But from the castle comes a foe,
- (A gasp of fear) The Great Munroe!
- He rides up on his raptor saddled,
- All the attackers' wits are addled!
- The horses jump and turn around,
- The riders fall onto the ground.
- The swords are rusting in their sheathes,
- The arrows' heads have turned to leaves.
- It seems Randall has won -- But soft!
- Up rides the force of Microsoft!
- In armor blue, with horses black,
- They look ready for any hack.
- The xkcdians turn to flee,
- But Randall shouts, "Nay, fight with me!"
- The weary soldiers face their foe,
- Are ready for the deadly blow.
- But even as they wait for doom,
- New shadows on the mountains loom!
- The cavalry is here, with recent news,
- Of a brave and badly-needed ruse.
- "They have a weakness, if you dare
- To ride right up into their hair."
- Brave Randall on his raptor steed
- Is eager to fight commercial greed.
- His allies watch with baited breath
- Their leaders goes to face down Death.
- The blue line holds from end to end,
- But there's a spot they deigned to mend.
- Toward this small hole our hero rides,
- No need for maps or even guides.
- He passes soldiers like a ghost,
- And smiles -- soon, they'll all be toast.
- A dozen rows; behind the last,
- A tower Randall calmly passed.
- Behind this tower is a trumpet,
- One smaller than a tiny crumpet.
- Though dubious Munroe lifts it to his mouth
- A note rings out to North and South
- The enemy, bewildered, turn
- Befuddled by this arcane horn.
- And slowly, slowly go insane
- As Madness starts his evil reign
- They slay each other, fall apart
- And pierce their neighbor's beating heart!
- Microsoft lost their empirical goal
- Through this easily exploited hole
- Xkcdia was safe, the invaders smitten
- And this couplet wryly written:
- "If you plan a large attack,
- Install each patch your programs lack"
- Take from this tale whate'er you will,
- It wasn't written with much skill.
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