Ace Thruster, BOI [✓]

>I was busy getting a blowjob from my latest fling, Indigo Zap, when my phone rang.
>"Aww... Ace, can't you just let it go for a few minutes?" Asked Lemon Zest as I gently nudged her head off of my throbbing cock. "I feel so *complete* when you're throat-fucking me like the alpha stud you are."
"No can do, Indy," I replied, finally peeling the clingy tomboy off of my shlong. "An Agent of BOI always responds to the call of duty, even if it means interrupting the best blowjob he's ever had in his life."
>I winked at Indigo Zap so charismatically that she came on the spot, all over the leather seats of my BOI-issued Marecerati. Oh well, I'll get Coffee Klatch to clean it up later.
"Yo, this is Ace," I said, swiping right on the screen like I always do.
>"Ace, this is Martian Marehunter. I've got a match on a Class C magic signature near Canterlot High."
>I stood upright. It was rare for Martian Marehunter to ring me directly. It must be very important.
>"Usually I'd let some other BOI intern take care of a Class C magic problem, but we think this one's different," the Martian Marehunter continued. "It's growing in intensity and we don't want to take chances."
"Of course. It could be another portal prying itself open."
>"Right," he concurred. "There's no time to waste, Ace. I've sent you the coordinates on the phone, go check it out."
"I always do my best. That's why I'm the best agent of BOI."
>The Martian Marehunter chuckled appreciatively.
>"Good, good. Go get 'em, Ace. We're counting on you."

>I had to drop Indigo off at her place first. She was being a bit nosy and I had to reassure her that I'd share what details I could after completing my mission.
>She was getting a bit too clingy. I made a mental note to dump her as soon as I could.
>Maybe that Lemon Zest girl could be my next fling.
>Anyway, the coordinates turned out to be the back alley right next to the main school building.
>I turned the corner and immediately spotted a scrawny looking kid hunched over a glowing screen, his face alight with the faint rainbow glow of Equestrian magic.
>He hadn't spotted me yet, because I am very stealthy on foot. That's why I'm the best agent of BOI.
>I had the upper hand, I could go for the kill, but I chose not to. I am not a killer.

"Hey you!" I shouted instead, my manly voice echoing in the narrow alley. "Drop the phone for your own safety!"
>I immediately activated my Ace Kwon Do defensive stance, just in case he was already possessed by an evil horse spirit. AKD is a fighting style I've developed myself. It is the most difficult and complex martial art and I am the sole master of it.
>Unexpectedly, the kid turned his head almost 180 degrees at me and let out a loud hiss. His tongue was forked like that of a snake.
>This was really bad. I had never seen a horse spirit possession gone this bad before.
>He got on all fours and began charging at me.
>My life was in immediate danger, which allowed me to use lethal force to protect myself. But I ain't no killer. I always go for nonlethal blows and that's what makes me the best BOI agent and a total babe magnet.
>The kid lunged at me, but I deflected his face away from my vitals easily.
>He was still clutching that evil horse phone, so I knocked it away with a chop. The kid yelped like an injured wolf and scurried away from me.
>I picked up the magic phone and snapped it in half with my bare hands. My grip is very strong.
>Slowly, the kid lost his magic glow as evil horse spirits lost their hold. I gently helped him up.

"What is your name, kid?"
>"A-Anonymous," he blurted out, steadying himself. "Ohhh man, I can't believe it! You saved my life, Ace! Thank you so much."
"Save it for later," I interrupted him, even though I appreciated his gratitude. I am a humble man, and that's why I'm the best BOI agent. "What happened to you?"
>"O-Oh. Uhhh," Anonymous tugged at his collar like a total nerd. "Y-you see, I was browsing the Ponynet and found this pirated app that was supposed to have... *things* in it."
"Things? What things?" I questioned him in a deep rumbling voice. "Spit it out, kid."
>"Well... Lewds. More specifically, it was supposed to be an app containing nudes of the Mane Six plus Sunset and Scitwi. But when I installed and ran the app, my phone was overrun with this mysterious energy, and..."
>Anonymous trailed off abashedly, blushing like the total bitch he was.
>I wanted to clock his face, but I kept my cool because I'm the coolest BOI agent.
>Ponynet was where deviants and perverts went to get their illicit goods and softwares from. It was like the Darknet, except far worse because it had ponies in it.
>And to think that this irresponsible nerd went there and almost put our world in jeopardy, all for some pony poon...

"I am letting you off with just a warning this time, kid," I said with an air of authority. "If I catch you playing with ponies again, I'll have to take you in to the slammers. Understood?"
>"Y-yes sir," Anonymous stammered, bowing awkwardly. If it was the traditional Nipponese gesture of gratitude, I didn't return it, because I am not a weeaboo. That's why I'm the most masculine agent of BOI.
"Leave. Now."
>Anonymous scurried away with a surprising burst of speed. At least he was good at running away...
>I watched him scurry away as I picked up my phone to text Indigo Zap. She was getting a bit too clingy, and I liked the idea of blasting a virile load on Lemon Zest's lime-colored breasts.
>[Hey Indigo, babe, I don't think this is working out. It's not you, it's me--]

The End