me: hey my dad can't get off work to take care of my sister tomorrow...
  sorry i dont know how i'll be able to go to town center
5:59 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: oh I see nevermind then
6:00 PM me: i guess we'll have to make do with what we have
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: yes jeff, I am not surprised
  although I somehow doubt your dad didn't know until right this moment that he couldn't take off work tomorrow?
 me: i didnt talk to him before
6:01 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: riiighhh
  *right
6:02 PM it's okay nevermind
  is he able to take off work on wednesday?
6:03 PM me: not sure, but at least i'll be able to go to the science fair
6:04 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: the CFO of kast's job is officially - emergency kast materials printer and occasional meeting snack provider : )
  just out of curiosity, did you ask him if he could take off work on wednesdsay?
  or were you planning on asking tuesday night and then saying - jessica I'm afraid I have some bad news....
 me: wow you seem like such a different jessica from the one i knew before...
6:05 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I was not being sarcastic with the smiley
  I really do appreciate the things you do
 me: of course that was sarcasm...
  "all i do are those 2 things?"
6:06 PM i actually went to beall every time last school year
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: one thing that upset me was that you didn't seem to defend me in front of kamiar... the fact that he persisted with the insults and criticizms of me suggests tha tyou never seriously asked him to cut it out
  and no, it wasn't sarcasm; I was just rationalizing to myself
6:07 PM me: he never seriously said anything bad
  he just said like "
  can you help me with studying for the cnq, or will u be with jessica during lunch
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: nevermind I don't care; I don't believe you but I don't care
6:08 PM me: wow i dont want you to be mad
6:09 PM i still care about you yet you say "i dont believe you" and " i dont care"
  im not some random rude guy
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: quoting from the nasty nasty messages your friend kamiar sent me
6:10 PM me: wait when?
6:11 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: "jeff doesn't like u himself, he finds u too controlling and etc..." later: "I didn't want to say anything at first and u surely got the best of me today, but ive had enough, i think i speak for all of ib when i say FUCK U, NOBODY LIKES U. "
  also: "sorry to insult u and jessicas relationship
i think im gonna stop for good now"
  I'm no lit critic but if he says "I think I'm gonna stop for good now" then it means he's been doing it A LOT!
 me: i never quoted the curse words?!
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I am quoting from a pm he sent me
6:12 PM NEVER EVER EVER has one of my friends said ANYTHING bad about you!
  and if they thought that you were socially awkward, or incapable, or not good enough for me, or undeserving of the KAST CFO position, the would NEVER DARED TO SAY IT TO ME! because I WOULD PWN them!
6:13 PM me: jessica, i'm sorry...
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I'm sorry jeff, you don't deserve anyone being angry with you
  And you have always done the best you can, and been really caring of kast and the kids
6:14 PM me: im not sure what kind of bad stuff kamiar sent you
  but i had nothing to do with what he said
6:15 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you're right; kamiar is kamiar, and there could be some truth in what he said
  lets just get along well like before and have fun
6:16 PM it's okay if you can't go to the science fair either, especially if it's hard for you to get back from damascus
 me: i still love you, but the weaknesses in me that you pointed out hurts...
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: about what I said about CFO, of course you've been going to beall consistantly but so has every other dedicated KAST member; sanja; shivani; clare; matt...etc
6:17 PM I'm sorry jeff, I was a jerk for saying that and I had no right to
  but... "at least I can still go to the science fair"??? at least!!????
  sorry
  I love you as a really good friend too
6:18 PM You have hurt me (dunno if you know) and I have hurt you; I am sorry
 me: no i was mentioning how my dad is able to fortunately take off a day and allow me to go to damascus
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: sorry, I should be more understanding of your circumstances at home
6:19 PM I have to go eat dinner now; then make gingerbread men cookies (special one for u)
  ttyl?
 me: sigh i see now
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: ?
 me: i guess when people get angry they reveal how they truly feel about another
6:20 PM i mean when you pointed those negative things out
  but i've promised myself to never get angry
  hatred brings more hatred
  i've not found any strong negative aspects in you
6:21 PM therefore i would not say anything negative about you, no matter what mood i'm in
  but from what you've said, i want to thank you
  because now that i know my chief weaknesses, i can improve
  in case in the future i have another person whom i love
6:22 PM i will improve public speaking,
  learn more about the world
  and be the best boyfriend i can!
  your words have strengthened me
6:23 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I read that guys look for girls like their moms; and those types of girls are the ones most compatible with them
  I am certain you will soon, high school, college, or beyond find someone great at cooking, extremely smart, kind, and sweet who loves you immensely for who you are at any point in time
6:24 PM I love you as a best friend and business partner, but I think I need someone more outgoing and accelerated idea-driven like my dad as a boyfriend
  am I still your friend?
6:25 PM me: yes, but i thought the primary reason you broke up with me was that you wanted a girl not a boy
  not to be mean or anything../
6:27 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: that is the reason. you see, I decided a long while ago, way before we got together, that I would conform to society if necessary and be a girl if I found someone much more of a boy than me; then I could be the independent minded girl in the relationship
  be back later if you want to talk more
6:29 PM me: so please be honest-- you think i'm not man enough?
	17 minutes
6:47 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: honestly: of course not. but there is a spectrum of boys, and of girls; maybe I'm one of the most tomboyish girls; then I would be looking for one of the most boyish boys; you're like an average boyish boy; not combatible wiht me but definitely wiht someone lse
  *else
6:48 PM or maybe I will never find happiness, and then I will devote my life to education and raising a couple children concieved using unconventional methods
6:49 PM I thikn it would be cool to be a prominent surgeon, always with a pager and being called to the hospital at 10 pm
  I think the two of us are also suited for different lifestyles
 me: yeah...
6:50 PM i guess i agree with xiaodu more i than agree with you
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you've been speaking with her?
 me: no
  i remember you telling me that xiaodu thinks we'll all be white collars earning a decent salary
6:51 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: oh yes : ) I can definitely imagine her graduating with a minor in education from UChicago, and then working to educate inner city children like the reformers in "Waiting for Superman"
6:52 PM but a lot of people I meet tell me that they think I will be a prominent public figure someday, and that I should remember them XP
  the last part of which is immature
 me: cool, i still wish the best for you
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: but every high profile corporate executive comes from somewhere
6:53 PM it all begins with college of course; I think one of my greatest flaws is trying to change other people's opinions
6:54 PM me: i guess so
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you of course no longer see me in the same positive light nor flavor as before
 me: i know, and i'm sorry
6:55 PM look back, i'm not sure that we can be special friends, especially after what you said...
  perhaps regular friends
  looking back*
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: it's okay because, and I was aware of the fact, that your previous viewpoint was too inaccurate and was thus temporal
  that sounds fine
6:56 PM practically speaking, what do you want to do? do you want to pretend like nothing happened to everyone else
  or would you rather...
 me: 1 sec, what was my viewpoint that was too inaccurate?
6:57 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: because, since as you say we are regular friends now (which shouldn't have surprised me but has offended me nonetheless), I will add onto the boyishness explanation -
6:58 PM I knew we could not be together because I did not respect you as an equal
 me: okay there it is...
  broke my heart right there to be honest
6:59 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: ?
 me: you really could have said something earlier when we were together
  woulda hurt me less
7:00 PM just because you're the president of nhs, kast, and other clubs doesnt give you the right to think you're better than some1 else as a person
  you can think of me as kamiar now, even though i will never curse like him
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I wasn't so sure before now that before I didn't; of course I am, probably, ethically less than you
7:01 PM but you even judge too; you said you wished that the ib selection process for myp kids was more selective
 me: wait what
  our previous words
  your*
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you saw yourself as a lot better than a lot of the other myp kids
  is it not fair for me to see myself as better than you?
7:02 PM I found your statement very hypocritical
 me: i never said i was better than the others
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you were just suggesting that they did not deserve to be in ib as much as you
 me: i never said that!
7:03 PM i may be better in academics, but i never said anything about being better than them as a person!!
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I never said I was better than you as a person!
  I know I am less kind, and maybe less ethical
7:04 PM neither of us would steal or cheat
  but one thing I am noticing jeff, is that while you seem to have a facade of being ethically righteous, you inherently have many unethical tendencies too
7:05 PM like in bc calc 10th grade, you went online and checked your answers even though everyone knew mrs. goetz didn't want that
  for the ap practice problems being graded
  and by letting others copy homework, yeah you're being nice but it's not right, and it's unfair for those who didn't do homework and lose points for it by being honest
 me: i really think i could have done them without being online and still earn an A in the class
7:06 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I am 99.9 percent sure you could have
  but then the fact that you did shows that you are not ethically perfect either
7:07 PM me: i understand; no one is perfectly ethical
  please get back to the original topic, when you said
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: and referring to tok ethics, how does anyone know that you are more ethical or kind than me? maybe you are kind by NEVER saying mean words/curse words, but maybe I am kind by going many many steps out to help others
  I offered you my lab late that night, just as I would have for anyone, even someone really mean to me
7:08 PM but that wasn't an example, anyways what did you want me to get back to?
 me: i had never mentioned that you were worse in ethics than me, but when you said
  I knew we could not be together because I did not respect you as an equal
  you implied that you were a better person than i was
  and that's what hurts me
7:09 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: what do you mean as better person? when I said equal I only meant in terms of a core set of abilities, combining math/physics/english...etc skills, social skills, intelligence...etc
7:10 PM nothing about personality
 me: you cant say that you're not my equal just because you're a tiny bit better in academics than i am
  2340 vs 2330?
7:11 PM i got A's in math, you got A's in english
  we have about the same scores everywhere else?
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: the fact that you do not recognize, and are quantitively comaring grades, proves my point to me
  but it does not to you because, and this is a self repeating loop, you are not at that level
7:12 PM you spent your summer studying for the sat
  you had an "sat coach", as you referred, before
  you took a 1000 dollar class
  all I did was a few practice tests
 me: "a few"
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: and the first time you took it, you said your coach told you to take the day off!
7:13 PM what a loser, I thought to myself
 me: ...
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: 6
 me: why do you insist on insulting me?
7:14 PM yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: a boy who takes all his guidance from his dad, in terms of what to do, what not to do, when to study, ...etc; who wants to go to penn but does not recognize the importance of extracurriculars like nhs
 me: what happened to us..
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: who judges nhs and does not even REALIZE how offensive the things he said about nhs were to me
  It's all my fault, I'm sorry but honestly it is my fault
7:15 PM I should never have allowed our relationship to progress so far
 me: what's done is done...sigh
  i'm constantly trying to be independent, if you havent noticed...
7:16 PM my dad holds on to traditional values too much
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: yet you had very little ideas of which clubs to join, or what you wanted to pursue
  you wanted business because your dad told you so
  not because you enjoyed it for any of its properties or merit
7:17 PM and for the record, I only "insulted" you because, whether you realize it or not, you have been insulting me
 me: omg i really didnt know..
  no sarcasm right now
  not even a little
  i dont insult people on purpose
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I know you didn't know
  I know
7:18 PM it goes back to how I didn't think we were on the same level in terms of adeptness
  I need to go make cookies for my friends now
  I am open to being friends with anyone who wants to be my friend; don't know if you still feel up to it but they should be yummy
7:19 PM as for kast, don't know if you feel up to that either but I think you have an ethical responsibility considering what you put in your college applications
  it is advised for most businesses to minimize personal connections b etween executives anyway so...
7:20 PM me: im not letting this get in the way of kast
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: great : D
 me: and please make a cookie for me
 yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: ok ^_^
  I am smiliing for the first time since....since we started this conversation
  ttyl
 me: k bye