EARTHQUAKE IN WALES

EARTHQUAKE IN WALES
A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE, HIT IN THE EARLY HOURS OF Friday morning .
It EPICENTERED ON SWANSEA SOUTH WALES.

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering:
"How be?", "Tidy" and "Can't fault it Butt". The Earthquake
decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos
from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged.
Three areas of historic and scientifically significant burnt out cars
were disturbed. Many were woken well before their giro
arrived.
Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms
with the fact that something interesting has happened in Swansea.

One resident, Sara-Angharad Davies, a 15 year old
mother-of-five said "It > was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy Silk the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime
did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship
4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are
still > searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books,
jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Everythings a Pound.

* HOW YOU CAN HELP?

This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those
unfortunate > enough to be caught up in it.
Clothing is most sought after.
Items required include: - Fila, Baseball Caps, Kappa
Tracksuit tops (His and Hers), Shell Suits (Female), White Sports Socks, Nike Air Basketball Boots
and any other items usually sold in TK Maxx.
Food parcels may be harder to put together but
necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include: -
Microwave meals, Tins of Baked Beans, Ice Cream and
cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
£2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four.
£10 can take a family to Port Talbot for the day,
where children can play on a radioactive beach in front of the national collection of Steel works. £1.68 pays for a return bus ticket to the countryside where they can pick magic mushrooms to feed the family. 22p buys a biro for filling in a compensation claim.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Gorseinon, Llanelli and Clydach.