Ghostquartet Jan 21st, 2020 76 Never
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  1. Bionic: 8 The album hits you right away with its “in your face screaming robot” aesthetic and while this sound palate is very hit or miss, I think it works very well here. There’s a reason for the pounding, relentless energy and I like the lyrics/the character.
  3. Not Myself Tonight: 3 It’s bad when the best part of a song is [the Kidz Bop version.]( It’s not unlistenable but god is it boring and (I use this word sparingly) generic.
  5. Woohoo: 6.5 I want to like this song because I love all of the candy references in it but it gets repetitive fast. Like I’m already bored by the time we get to Nicki and she can’t save the track by that point.
  7. Elastic Love: 5 I really want to like this song because quirky, weird songs like this are usually my jam but this is not. good. It’s not even the subject matter that’s bad (in fact, that’s probably the most interesting part) it’s just that the lyrics are aggressively stupid and the song’s melody/instrumental are so annoying. And what is Christina doing with her voice? What a waste of M.I.A.
  9. Desnudate: 4 Arguably one of the more memorable songs on the album due to the use of Spanish, the hook is catchy but the song itself feels insipid.
  11. Glam: 6 This sounds like it was written to be the background music of one of those “Top 25 RuPaul’s Drag Race Looks” videos that has too many Pearl looks in it.
  13. Prima Donna: 10 Now THIS is a song, many artists have tried to make a song like this and failed. Christina tears through this song like some sort of monster diva who’ll stomp all over you if you dare to get in her way; the “wall of noise” approach really works here. The ending of this song where Christina is just screaming “I’m a prima donna” is one of my favorite moments in the rate.
  15. Sex For Breakfast: 10 First of all, justice for “Sex For Breakfast,” it would make Day 2 at LEAST. But I love “Sex For Breakfast” as well, on such a polarizing album it’s one of the few songs I think that everybody can agree is good. It’s probably aged the best of anything on the album, I feel like tons of pop/r&b girls are making songs that sound just like this today and they aren’t doing half as well as Christina did with this song. She commits the silly “sex as food” metaphor and unlike some of the other songs on the album (*cough* “Elastic Love”) the quirky concept actually works. It’s so silky and sensual, she is HORNY and I’m all here for it.
  17. Lift Me Up: 9 We get into the ballad section of the album here, this one is another Linda Perry song and those are always good. I like the electronic flourishes on this song, they give it a ‘00s feel that’s very appealing to me.
  19. All I Need: 9 Wow Christina really brought her A-game on the back half, these are some of the best ballads of her career. Her and Sia make a pretty good team? I think the songs they did together are better than a lot of the songs Sia’s done for other artists. She’s resisted the urge to over sing here and the result is so warm and sensual, the song is so smooth and elastic. This feels very out of place on the track list but it’s good so I’ll let it slide.
  21. I Am: 10 Halfway through the album Christina just gives up on the robot thing and does a bunch of ballads, and while I think these songs are generally stronger than the first half I think this is the only one that really *fits* into the album. Something about the instrumentation with its mechanical strings and tinkling piano sound almost clockwork like, as if we’re watching Christina be assembled in front of us. It’s like something out of a Pixar movie. This song comes as something of a surprise from her, ESPECIALLY this deep into such a gluttonous/artificial album. She sounds warm and vulnerable here, the simplicity of the lyrics really works for the message and humanizes her quite a bit. This is probably the peak of the album, and one of my favorite Christina songs in general.
  23. You Lost Me: 8 It’s beautiful but it doesn’t do it for me like the songs that preceded it. Although I’m an /r/popheads user I don’t hate ballads, but I must say that putting four of them in a row and saving this one for last wasn’t the smartest idea.
  25. I Hate Boys: 3 She really had a string of the most emotional, honest ballads of her career and decided that the best song to follow them would be this. Okay. The fact that this made the album but “Birds Of Prey” was relegated to the deluxe version and “Little Dreamer” was stuck as an iTunes bonus track is criminal.
  27. My Girls: 7 Turn the guitar in this song into a synth and give it to Charli XCX and the gays would lose their mind over this.
  29. Vanity: 5 Someone explain to Christina the importance of track list order. Why wasn’t this on the front half of the album? Why is it closing the album? She did this song better with “Prima Donna” and “Woohoo,” this is just cringy and try hard.
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