Streaming update/vent post

May 21st, 2018
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  2. **long vent/rant post**
  4. It's dumb keyboard mashing "I hate the way I do X", or "Why can't I just stop what I'm doing wrong" stuff, if you hate it, can't blame you, it's dumb, I get it, I hate these kinda posts a lot as well, but looking back at, it felt good, and it was more accidental than intentional, (started off as simply a stream status post) soooo fuck you, I'm keeping it.
  6. I have not been streaming recently, but I've been playing quite a bit of Fighting games. Its kinda been a self conscious judgement thing when it comes to streaming a casual game and especially a fighting game, and because speedrunning hasn't been a peiority recently, streaming has been at an all time low for me. I should like, just punch myself in the face at some point to make it end, because at this rate it won't ever end. I have no idea how I beat myself up into a corner and not be willing to stream because I actually care how people think about the way I play a game. It's so baffling when I sit down and actually think about how much I care of the way people think of me, I surprise myself every time. I usually don't think I care, but it's only when I give time to myself to just think I realize I care way more than I should. It's kind of ridiculous honestly. I have been working towards a better mindset and this is good that I'm willing to actually admit I've been kinda lying to myself for a LONG ass time. It's kinda strange. I'm broadcasting myself, I'm not new to this at all. I have plenty of Highlights and Clips and all this other crap that when you judge me on it, I look like I'm a bad player. I only get comfortable with this with speedrunning. Everything else though, I feel like I'm doing something incorrect or something. I'm not sure what it is. For those of you who remember the "removing professional loser from my bio" post, that is still a WIP. I will admit it's not flowing as well as I'd hope, but its still going places. I'm learning to insult myself less, and less, look at the more positive side of most things instead of bring the mood down all the time. I do genuinely feel happier honestly. I'm having trouble overcoming this though. I like to think more Logical than Emotional. I think it's a thought process that suits me better, and keeps me out of situations that would be rather bad. Therefore the way I'm looking at this is "Nobody actually cares THAT much. Even then, you have blocked insults before so why can't you do it with this." Same thing applies to when I'm learning a new speedgame/practice in general. Like crash 3, I do not stream me practicing crash 3, because I'm not doing runs. Even though there's no harm in doing so, and actually recording what I'm practicing can be helpful.
  8. I don't know anymore, thoughts, thoughts, more thoughts, but mostly bad ones, for like no good reason haha. I like that I'm able to shrug off and laugh at a lot of the emotions I have, both good and bad. But sometimes, just releasing it feels sooooo good.
  10. If you want to throw in some input, go right ahead, I'll listen, if I can convince myself, expect some Street Fighter 5 streams very soon.
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