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- We find our heroes on a midwinter day
- New to the game, just starting to play
- Thrust headfirst into an ambush for dorks
- Accosted by clouds of arrows let loose by Orcs
- They chose different methods some quick and some clever
- From corpses to fey-stepping to zig zagging they endeavored
- Volley and volley they endured, they were quite brave.
- Until one wizard spotted a cave.
- The Tiefling rose up from the muck
- Tried to look up and shouted “Oh Fuck!”
- She had run straight by no reason nor rhyme
- And was nearing the orcs, quite out of time
- The wizard thought quickly and winked out of sight
- She quickly brought the Tiefling up to speed in the fight
- She showed her the way to the cave covered in vines
- The door was festooned with strange ancient lines
- Soon as they pull out the arrows stuck in their greaves
- The Halfling and Dragonborn became as thick as thieves
- The cover they chose turned out to be quite shoddy
- So thinking quickly, they hefted a body.I
- Charging across the open field, arrows flying this way and that
- They soon passed the Tiefling who kept falling with a splat
- Once our heroes caught up with each other they did something quite brave
- To put it very simply, they went into the cave.
- It was a dark dingy and dastardly place
- The Tiefling gave quiet thanks for her mace
- They dallied and dillied then the wizard with great insight
- Spoke forgotten words and summoned a ghost-light
- Something within the next room squelched
- Followed shortly by the sound of a belch
- All it desired was to get them in it’s belly
- The heroes had startled the feared Ochre Jelly
- At first they attempted to sneak past
- Though they ended up moving too fast
- And their sneaking turned out to be shoddy
- Thinking quickly… they hacked up a body
- But alas the Jelly was not to be bought
- Seeking solace in simply being fought
- They thrust, parried, dived, and jumped
- The jelly seemed to be getting quite pumped
- They decided to loony , a rare thing indeed
- And discovered and found a way to succeed
- An ancient statue guarded this dark pit
- So our heroes simply decided to smash it
- They plugged up the jelly averting the danger
- Gone temporarily, it would be no stranger
- They ventured further in with care and finesse
- Save for the wizard who blundered straight into duress
- Prayers were said, wounds were healed
- Fortunately the Jelly had not yet congealed.
- They looted the cave for baubles and maps
- And left it, this time checking carefully for traps.
- They journeyed a few days to the down of Indelshire
- When they got there they found it had been set on fire.
- The Orcs had come through and slaughtered all but Eenus
- Who was certainly not too concerned with his cleanness
- It transpired that he was the mayor, sheriff and barkeep
- It seemed that his mental state was skewed quite deep
- They chatted with him and then he took them to see Stan
- Stan and Eenus as it transpired turned out the same man
- They left Indelshire and headed for the city
- When they were approached by a creature no larger than a kitty
- Hobbs was his name a Homunculi creaturey
- His short stature was not his most prominent feature
- The Adventurers welcomed him with open arms
- Proving quite susceptible to his miniature charms
- They gave him a sock and a bottle of gin
- And he curled up happily wearing a grin
- From there they traveled to Renin Falls
- Capital City, filled to the brim with Alehouses and Strip Malls
- They were greeted quite cordially by the guards at the gate
- Who informed them that death was their fate
- Fortunately one of the guards was a friend
- He quickly brought the evil guard to an end
- They were whisked down some tunnels and into the haven
- Of their new found friends the Knights of the Raven
- Lady Raven was the leader of the bunch
- She had contacted them purely on a hunch
- That they are the embodiment of warriors long gone
- Able to wield magic with skill and possessing great brawn
- The war was coming, between gods no less
- The Raven Queen was running out of subjects to bless
- Orcus was awakening his minions spreading
- The Second Dark Age was what they were dreading
- The first mission the Lady Raven bestowed
- Was to adventure and travel up the road
- To a site most innocuous where the road forks
- A perfect place no less to ambush some Orcs.
- The Cleric and Mage took refuge behind boulders
- The Halfling gave up her position on the Lady Dragon’s shoulders
- The Dragonborns decision at first greatly confused me
- She simply decided to dress up as a tree
- The Orcs never did know exactly what hit them
- The Halfing lodged her daggers in their brain stem
- The Dragonborn slashed and smashed them to pieces
- While the Wizzard shot bolts and badgers and other magical releases
- The Cleric tried out her newfound crossbow
- And skillfully felled Orcs with a single blow
- Both the Orcs and their numerous fleas
- Would never forget the day they were ambushed by trees
- Shortly thereafter a new ally emerged
- A drunked raven from the forest surged
- A Shifter he was and a good one to boot
- Except that when shifting he kept loosing his suit
- They eventually ventured back to the lair
- Where they slumped exhausted into chairs
- Little more than a minute after their arrival
- They were told another task was integral to their survival
- The next daunting task that was bestowed
- To venture post haste to the enemies abode
- And determine if they were Priests of the Dark Lord
- To help them shed more blood than they could afford
- First came the great giant Dim
- Whose disposition was rather quite Grim
- They found him sloshing about in a bar
- Our heroes then watched him from afar
- When it was decided to be right
- They moved in for a fight
- But it turned into a drinking game
- Until the Halfling could barely remember her name
- They staggered to an alley
- Where mustering a huge rally
- The Heroes convinced Dim
- That they were really with him
- The Halfings broken fingers mended
- Her pain was finally ended
- They set off to find the Half-Elf
- Who was quite good at hiding herself
- They found her lair
- In a chest next to the chair
- Alas she was not there
- But presumably elsewhere
- They then segued in favor of Greg
- Who was found in a local keg
- They tried to seduce him with sex
- Though it transpired he was far more complex
- He had passed c the lay
- And he swore he wasn’t gay
- The Cleric was wooed
- A nice change for her usual mood
- They then hunted the rogue Half-Elf
- Returning to the land she made herself
- They broke in her back door
- And lay in wait under the floor
- She came down the chute
- The heroes efforts were moot
- She laughed at their attempt
- And struck back with contempt
- Bolts flew magic crackled and blades sung
- She was easily eluding the trap that had been sprung
- The cleric chose to sketch the fight rather than help
- But when she finally did help the Half-Elf went down with a yelp
- A broken bolt, a mace
- A Magic Missile to the side of her face
- Each hero contributed to her demise
- And they moved on as the life left her eyes
- Then they went for Dim
- Who was asleep with his harlot Kim
- They jumped him in his sleep
- He crumpled in a heap
- A dagger sticking out from his eye
- They said their good-bye
- They had put him in his place
- On the floor, head smashed in with a mace
- Our heroes returned, bringing Greg with them
- The Lady Raven was quick to condemn
- But the heroes quickly gave proof
- And Greg earned his place under their roof
- Alas each heroic tale must have an end
- In this case the game failed to trend
- Though abandoning was not our intention
- Our heroes will wander without our intervention
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