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Apr 30th, 2017
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  1. sample text: you're not stable and nor am I
  2. eroticism: Well if you don't feel safe around me I understand.
  3. sample text: It's not just that, I don't know what to think of you anymore, I don't know if I can trust you
  4. sample text: and then comes the times where you just want to shut off or go all immature
  5. sample text: and just
  6. sample text: i can't have this happen again
  7. sample text: but
  8. sample text: it wil
  9. sample text: it inevetably will
  10. sample text: and you know it too
  11. sample text: because it's how you are
  12. sample text: you'll go one way now
  13. sample text: then you'll go the other
  14. sample text: I need constant love and affection
  15. sample text: and half of the time I know you're just pretending, when really you just want to shut off
  16. sample text: and then comes the fact that you're still confused about your sexuality
  17. sample text: and I make you uncomfortable
  18. sample text: you say you want me to be happy but all i've done these past few days is cry
  19. sample text: and now honestly
  20. sample text: i'm a little bit scared of you
  21. eroticism is now Online.
  22. eroticism: That's fine, I'm a scary person.
  23. sample text: I don't think that I'll be happy with you
  24. sample text: So far
  25. sample text: All I've tried to do
  26. sample text: is make you change
  27. sample text: i'm so fucked up rn
  28. sample text: and after tonight I feel like you're just going to fuck me up even more
  29. eroticism: I'm not gonna do anything,
  30. sample text: how do I know
  31. sample text: a repeat of tonight won't happen
  32. sample text: after everything you said
  33. sample text: all i've done since i got with you is cry and have breakdowns
  34. sample text: well that's not completely true
  35. sample text: there were times where i was happy
  36. sample text: after tonight tho especially like
  37. sample text: i am actually scared of you
  38. sample text: and I don't trust you
  39. eroticism is now Online.
  40. eroticism: God I feel like blowing my brains out right now
  41. eroticism: My fucking hands are barely working
  42. sample text: :(
  43. eroticism: I want to cuddle please.
  44. eroticism: my fucking eyes are on fire and my limbs barely work
  45. sample text: we are done.
  46. sample text: this is not going to work.
  47. sample text: after everything you said to me tonight I seriously question your sanity and mental integrity
  48. sample text: and how you really feel.
  49. eroticism: :// so you're breaking up with me
  50. sample text: do you want me to be happy?
  51. eroticism: Yes
  52. sample text: because so far you haven't made me happy
  53. sample text: I have cried every night
  54. sample text: I've had at least two serious breakdowns
  55. sample text: since we got together
  56. sample text: and I want everything to be okay
  57. sample text: but
  58. sample text: I'd just be forcing you to be a way that you're not
  59. sample text: I've literally had to MAKE you be more affectionate...
  60. sample text: and even then there were times where shit just went wrong anyway
  61. sample text: I want to be happy as much as you do
  62. sample text: but you are seriously fucking me up
  63. eroticism: I'm sorry I'm bad with feelings...
  64. sample text: you don't say...
  65. sample text: We are
  66. sample text: polar opposite
  67. sample text: when it comes to feelings
  68. sample text: i am the most emotional, loving, affectionate person there is
  69. sample text: and you're just
  70. sample text: not
  71. eroticism: You can't say I'm just not...
  72. sample text: okay maybe not loving
  73. sample text: but you're not very in tune with your emotions
  74. sample text: and I literally had to make you be affectionate
  75. eroticism: Not my fault I'm not good with feelings...
  76. sample text: I know it's not I know that
  77. sample text: I never said it was your fault
  78. sample text: I'm not blaming you for anything right now
  79. sample text: I know you've got issues too
  80. sample text: and that's exactly why you're fucking me up
  81. sample text: because I have issues too
  82. sample text: and I don't know how to deal with other people's issue
  83. sample text: s
  84. sample text: I just want affection all the time
  85. sample text: do you even remember much of what you said earlier?
  86. sample text: it made me feel the emotional equivalent of a bullet wound
  87. sample text: I was in pain
  88. eroticism: I'm sorry...
  89. sample text: And I know
  90. sample text: I know you weren't in control of what you were saying
  91. sample text: you weren't yourself
  92. sample text: I get that sometimes
  93. sample text: like that time I flipped shit on you
  94. sample text: there's times where I will say the nastiest things for the sole purpose of hurting someone
  95. sample text: and I don't mean to
  96. sample text: because in those moments I'm not myself
  97. sample text: just like you were not yourself when you said those things to me
  98. sample text: however
  99. sample text: right now
  100. sample text: I am myself
  101. eroticism: I'm not...
  102. eroticism: I'm tired me...
  103. eroticism: And I just want to cuddle and forget everything and not wake up.
  104. sample text: me too.
  105. sample text: but I feel like being with you is only going to bring me more pian
  106. sample text: pain
  107. eroticism: You're probably right.
  108. eroticism: I'm a loser and will probably never make enough money to see you.
  109. sample text: You're not even sure about living here anyway
  110. sample text: and then you're still confused about your sexuality
  111. sample text: and you're unstable
  112. sample text: and so am I
  113. sample text: and two unstable people is never a good mix
  114. sample text: one person can't take care of the other
  115. sample text: we're both just gradually fucking each other up even more
  116. eroticism is now Online.
  117. eroticism: That's true.
  118. eroticism: You're expecting too much of me, and I can't be stable enough to be dependable for you.
  119. sample text: exactly..
  120. sample text: and then
  121. sample text: when one of us breaks down
  122. sample text: neither of us has the mental capacity to deal with it
  123. eroticism: Yeah
  124. eroticism: I really do care about you though..
  125. sample text: I know you do
  126. sample text: and I care about you too.
  127. sample text: I want you to be happy too
  128. sample text: but I really don't think I can be the one for you
  129. sample text: and you can't be the one for me
  130. sample text: you need someone more stable
  131. sample text: someone who doesn't need as much from you
  132. sample text: someone who doesn't confuse you
  133. sample text: you also need time to find / come to terms with yourself
  134. sample text: and evidently a few days wasn't enough
  135. sample text: you just wanted it to be
  136. sample text: because you didn't want to be alone
  137. eroticism: I guess...
  138. sample text: I've done alot of talking, what do you think about everything I've said.
  139. sample text: I know that deep down you agree with me
  140. sample text: well maybe not even deep down
  141. sample text: maybe you just do
  142. eroticism: I really wish I wasn't such a wreck.
  143. eroticism: I really do want to be dependable...
  144. sample text: I know you do
  145. sample text: I know
  146. sample text: and I really don't want to be so dependent
  147. sample text: I wish I could be content with much less
  148. eroticism: I really am attracted to you...
  149. eroticism: Sexually and otherwise...
  150. sample text: but I do confuse you
  151. sample text: and when you really think about the fact I was born male, it makes you feel uncomfortable
  152. eroticism: Kinda
  153. eroticism: And the whole me wanting kids thing later in life.
  154. sample text: that's still thinking pretty far ahead
  155. sample text: but there really are alot of flaws here
  156. sample text: I want more from you
  157. sample text: than you can give
  158. eroticism: I kno,w but that's my ultimate goal.
  159. sample text: Then I can't help you there.
  160. eroticism: Have kids, and give them a good childhood,
  161. sample text: the only option would be adoption or a surrogate but I already know how you feel about that
  162. eroticism: What's a Surrogate
  163. sample text: a surrogate mother, it's a woman who volunteers to birth your child for you
  164. sample text: you don't have sex with her obviously
  165. eroticism: what the fuck
  166. sample text: mhm
  167. sample text: ''a woman who bears a child on behalf of another woman, either from her own egg fertilized by the other woman's partner, or from the implantation in her uterus of a fertilized egg from the other woman.'
  168. eroticism: That wouldn't even be out kid then.
  169. sample text: ah wait
  170. sample text: nvm
  171. sample text: i was mistakne
  172. sample text: it's for when uhhh
  173. sample text: women who can't have kids
  174. sample text: well
  175. sample text: couples who cant
  176. sample text: it uses sperm from the male and an egg from the famel
  177. sample text: female
  178. sample text: but we're digressing
  179. eroticism: famel
  180. sample text: you know what I meant
  181. sample text: but we're getting off track here
  182. eroticism: Yeah
  183. eroticism: My body and mind aches,
  184. sample text: I know
  185. sample text: me too
  186. sample text: but really, I don't think this is going to work with us, and deep down I think you feel the same
  187. sample text: you just want it to
  188. eroticism: I just want to be happy.
  189. sample text: So do I
  190. eroticism: But i have no one else.
  191. sample text: and nor do I
  192. eroticism: I literally talk to no one else.
  193. sample text: nor do i
  194. sample text: and I feel like that's the real reason you want to be with me
  195. sample text: because I'm the only one
  196. eroticism: Don't say that.
  197. eroticism: I genuinly like you, and feel like you care about me and want the best for me.
  198. sample text: I do
  199. sample text: and I don't think taht you're going to get the best being with me
  200. sample text: and I don't think I'm going to get the best thing with you
  201. sample text: evidently
  202. sample text: all I've done is made you feel bad because you can't give me enough
  203. sample text: at one point you even proioritzed your videogames over me
  204. sample text: come on
  205. eroticism: So are you just wanting to end things right now?
  206. eroticism: I really don't want to leave and you commit suicide or something like that.
  207. eroticism: I wouldn't be able to live if that happenbed.
  208. sample text: I won't kill myself.
  209. sample text: I promise you
  210. sample text: I will not kill myself
  211. sample text: I want to
  212. sample text: alot of the time
  213. sample text: but I wouldn't
  214. eroticism: So are you never wanting to talk again...
  215. sample text: I could only really talk again if you changed
  216. sample text: completely
  217. eroticism: How
  218. sample text: we've already talked
  219. sample text: about everything
  220. sample text: come on
  221. eroticism: I won't make fun of you or mock you or anything.
  222. sample text: it's stuff that you can't change.
  223. eroticism: Oh fuck this I'm way too tired, my profile picture just moved
  224. eroticism: holy fuck.
  225. eroticism: I really want to be happy Skylar.
  226. eroticism: I've been emotionally abused all my life so I just shut things out and shut my mind down when things get tough.
  227. sample text: I know
  228. eroticism: I'm really sorry.
  229. sample text: I understand
  230. sample text: I really do
  231. sample text: and I want to persever through it
  232. sample text: persevere*
  233. sample text: but I don't think you can
  234. sample text: you're just going to keep wearing me down
  235. sample text: and I don't mean that to be mean of course
  236. sample text: but how long until you flip again
  237. sample text: and I can't deal with it anymore
  238. eroticism: My whole body hurts...
  239. eroticism: I really do care about you..please believe me..
  240. sample text: I do belive you Jordan
  241. sample text: I know you do
  242. sample text: I really do
  243. sample text: I don't doubt you
  244. sample text: I'm not doubting anything you're saying right now
  245. sample text: but I feel like being with you is only going to bring me more anguish
  246. sample text: I want more than you can give me
  247. eroticism: I need to sleep okay?
  248. eroticism: I want to talk more when I wake up.
  249. sample text: fine.
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