Bigwood Jun 27th, 2012 41 Never
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  1. [21:46:03] <@Mikaela> So, it's the morning after YOU KNOW WHAT. Mika actually waited long enough back at the karaoke place to guarantee she'd be on a different train than Rica and Ali, so she hasn't seen them since they started singing Bohemian Rhapsody. She zips over to the eels dorm on her hoverboard and knocks.
  2. [21:46:29] <Rica> Is it morning?  She probably doesn't even get back until noon.
  3. [21:47:05] <Rica> ... Mmmm no it's probably fine actually.  The door doesn't even open.  "Please come in!"
  4. [21:48:25] * @Mikaela opens the door and proceeds in, quickly finding a place to sit. "Alright, talk to me. You an' the Prince on better terms again now?"
  5. [21:49:09] * Rica is clearly just sitting on her bed staring at a wall, having not made any effort to get up. And it's a good half-minute before she even responds. "Oh! Uh... y-yeah."
  6. [21:49:26] <@Mikaela> "...What's wrong?"
  7. [21:49:42] <Rica> "Nothing's wrong, it's all better now.  I mean it's fixed.  I mean it's okay."
  8. [21:50:22] <@Mikaela> "Uh huh, 'cause it's that simple after a meltdown like that on both o' your parts, right? Talk to me, Rica."
  9. [21:50:25] <Rica> "... Right!  I promised."  She leans over and starts wishing out HUGE WADS OF CASH from a drawer.
  10. [21:50:53] * @Mikaela counts it out carefully, taking just enough to cover two parts on the karaoke bill, then tosses the rest back in the drawer.
  11. [21:50:59] <Rica> "It's alright, we... talked.  I'm happy now.  I mean, er."
  12. [21:51:09] <Rica> "He is.  I mean..."
  13. [21:51:24] * Rica just looks at the drawer and stares at it.
  14. [21:51:31] <Rica> "... Sorry."
  15. [21:51:34] <@Mikaela> "Hm?"
  16. [21:51:40] <Rica> "I'm sorry."
  17. [21:51:47] <@Mikaela> "Sorry 'bout what?"
  18. [21:52:02] <Rica> "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."
  19. [21:52:26] * Rica leans forward toward the drawer she'd been staring at. CONK.
  20. [21:52:51] * @Mikaela kicks the drawer closed, then pulls Rica upright. "Hey, the fuck's gotten into ya?"
  21. [21:53:09] <Rica> "Sorry... I'm just..."
  22. [21:53:23] <Rica> "I don't know.  I should be happy."
  23. [21:53:36] <@Mikaela> "Y'should. You aren't?"
  24. [21:53:43] <Rica> "He said he could, I believed he could..."
  25. [21:53:55] * Rica looks straight at the ceiling. "I think I should be..."
  26. [21:54:05] <Rica> "I probably am."
  27. [21:54:15] <@Mikaela> "He could what? Oh c'mon Rica did he give ya one of his marriage shpeals again?"
  28. [21:54:25] <Rica> "..."
  29. [21:54:33] * Rica just pulls back and looks her dead in the eyes.
  30. [21:54:44] <Rica> Ulp.
  31. [21:55:35] * Rica makes numerous attempts to start to say something but the stare guiltily trails off to the side.
  32. [21:56:06] <@Mikaela> "Well?"
  33. [21:56:11] <Rica> "Well, it's..."
  34. [21:56:21] <Rica> "I mean, we..."
  35. [21:56:32] <@Mikaela> "Oh c'mon, did he say somethin' all mushy and emb- you two...?"
  36. [21:56:33] * Rica cringes a little. An upper-body cringe.
  37. [21:56:54] <Rica> "He did say that.  And uh... I... sort of did too, I think..."
  38. [21:56:59] <Rica> "And then it just..."
  39. [21:58:02] <@Mikaela> "It just...?"
  40. [21:58:18] <Rica> "Well, it was all so sudden..."
  41. [21:59:04] * @Mikaela nonchalantly slides a hand into her jacket, staring at Rica with an expectant look.
  42. [21:59:28] * Rica can't TAKE it anymore and just LURCHES forward, smothering her friend in tears. "I'msohorribleI'msohorribleI'msohorrible"
  43. [22:00:08] <@Mikaela> "What? Rica if ya don't tell me I can't help ya. Fuck, did he take advantage of you or somethin'?"
  44. [22:01:03] <Rica> "I don't even know I don't even know I don't even know," she pulls back and gives another horrified stare.  "I think..."
  45. [22:01:34] <Rica> "It feels like I was the one who..."
  46. [22:01:40] <Rica> Sniff.
  47. [22:02:13] <@Mikaela> "You've got to tell me what fuckin' happened. Fuck..." Mika slides her hand out, revealing one of the half-finished bottles of whiskey from the previous night. She uncaps it and downs a gulp. "Never shoulda let you go off yourself. Didn't realize you were that far gone..."
  48. [22:02:17] <@Mikaela> "Wait, you...?"
  49. [22:02:45] <Rica> "Yeah... we did."
  50. [22:03:11] <Rica> "And I told you... not to bring that... on c"she can't even finish a sentence and starts bawling.
  51. [22:03:14] <@Mikaela> "An' you were the one who initiated it? Fuck." Mika downs another gulp. "Fuck."
  52. [22:04:04] * Rica takes a long sniffly break. "He told me he could make me happy, without me... you know..."
  53. [22:04:10] * @Mikaela pats Rica and lets her cry for a bit.
  54. [22:04:53] <Rica> Sniff.  "I told him the truth.  I thought it'd creep him out and make him not want anything to do with me."
  55. [22:05:02] <@Mikaela> "Without ya what? Shit man, 'I can make you happy'. That seriously what he pulled? He knew you were fuckin' smashed, right? I shoulda realized you were that far gone myself..."
  56. [22:05:29] <Rica> "No... Mika, listen."  Gulp.
  57. [22:05:42] <Rica> "I don't think I was drunk... I think I was in control.  I'm pretty sure."
  58. [22:06:22] <Rica> "But I told him that I'm, well... I mean, that I like to..."
  59. [22:06:25] <@Mikaela> "Listenin', but if there ain't a good reason not to smash Ali's face in after this, y'know where I'm headin'."
  60. [22:07:07] * Rica grabs Mika by the wrist, staring up into her face. Down? "I told him the truth that I'm a..." Gulp.
  61. [22:08:15] <@Mikaela> "A...?"
  62. [22:08:55] <Rica> "You know... a masochist.  That I like getting hurt, put in bad situations, rejected... I told him how all those things made me feel, but he just told me that he could change that."
  63. [22:09:57] * Rica guiltily cringes again.
  64. [22:10:38] * @Mikaela takes another gulp of whiskey. "...You buy that from 'im? Fuck, people've got their quirks an' fetishes, but that's not the sorta thing that you've gotta..." She shakes her head.
  65. [22:12:13] <Mons> I'm not sure Ali actually understood what she meant by that or how that even works
  66. [22:12:15] <Rica> "No... it's bigger than that.  I, you know, I fell for him because of how he treated me.  I went after Entei because I knew I probably stood no chance.  Even when we were in Ruthberg I was so excited because it HURT so much I just..."  And of course she just falls over to the side and FLOPS onto the bed.  "I was too ashamed to even tell anybody about it but it was probably something I was ruining my own life with."
  67. [22:12:32] <Rica> No he actually did
  68. [22:13:03] <Rica> "And when he told me he could actually help and make me stop hating myself I just got so emotional."
  69. [22:13:16] <@Mikaela> "Everythin' in moderation. Even the 'healthy' fetishes are gonna ruin ya if self-control's not somethin' you can muster."
  70. [22:13:16] * Rica sniffles again. "Now I hate myself even more."
  71. [22:14:54] <Rica> "Mika, was I stupid for listening to him?  He's sweet, and I'm not mad... I think he actually doesn't hate me either."
  72. [22:15:05] <@Mikaela> "So shit, it really sounds like he played you there. Tell me," Mika stands up and turns Rica around, looking down at her with fierce eyes. "What do ya think of Ali? Outside of this wishfulfillment bullshit he's spoutin' an' all that. Gimme somethin' truthful. I saw you two go off together back in Asteri so I'll grant some possibility he's not JUST takin' advantage of you, but I gotta hear it."
  73. [22:16:08] <Rica> "I... I think he's a good person.  He hits on girls so much because he's insecure, but deep inside he really cares."  Her eyes dart off to the ceiling again.  "And he told me I was important to him... even when I'm in that kind of state I know when people are lying, he really meant it."
  74. [22:16:22] <Rica> "That's the first time anyone's ever told me that... even my parents never said it."
  75. [22:17:43] <@Mikaela> "I care, an' I think you're important, so you're gonna tell me whatcha think with absolute truth, 'kay? Do you regret it? Were you drunk, who initiatd it, an' for Arceus's sake ya used fuckin' protection, right?"
  76. [22:18:04] * Rica mutters out an 'uh-huh' with a nod at the last one.
  77. [22:18:44] * @Mikaela waits, still staring down with fierce eyes.
  78. [22:19:16] <Rica> "He told me all that, and I just said I, uh... I didn't want to go back to the dorms last night.  So I guess it really was me... I guess all I was thinking is that I wanted to see him prove what he said o-or something."
  79. [22:19:33] <Rica> "Whether I regret it..."
  80. [22:19:42] * Rica starts to slump over. "I don't know."
  81. [22:20:52] <@Mikaela> "No, you've got an answer inside o' ya, an' you're gonna give it to me. I'll wait."
  82. [22:21:16] <Rica> "I think he might've been serious... we might start dating.  I might be able to feel better about myself.  No, I WANT to feel better about myself."
  83. [22:21:34] <Rica> "I was passionate in the moment but now..."  Slump.  "I don't really know how I feel anymore."
  84. [22:22:37] <Rica> "I'm scared, what if he didn't really mean it?  What if he's going to keep womanizing?"
  85. [22:22:41] <@Mikaela> "Look, I don't wanna hear any wishy washy sorta bullshit, alright? I need a definite answer here on whether ya truly feel like that. 'Cause this is some serious shit."
  86. [22:23:03] <@Mikaela> "An' you aren't gonna lie to me, 'cause you know all my mawiles manipulate and read auras."
  87. [22:23:06] * Rica pulls back, sitting up, and nods slowly. "I..."
  88. [22:24:30] <Rica> "I hate myself.  Ever since I came here, and years and years before that, that's all I ever thought about, how many ways I could do hopeless things or get rejected, I even wanted to die a few times.  Last night, when he told me that, I thought there might be something to actually live for and I wanted to follow him.  So... no, I guess I don't regret it."
  89. [22:25:14] <Rica> "He said he'd help me along the way so I could stop hating myself.  I really want that to be true."
  90. [22:25:18] <@Mikaela> "You gotta tell me though, that just 'cause o' those words or is there actually somethin' there?"
  91. [22:26:07] * Rica eyedarts to the side again. "I'm... I don't know how definite I can be. I think... I HOPE I really believe that."
  92. [22:26:14] <@Mikaela> "You watch fuckin' Scouts, you gotta know in every drama there's the guy who finds it easy to take in some poor girl who's got self-esteem issues. Clear all the self-loathing bullshit outta your head for a second an' tell me what you think."
  93. [22:26:33] <@Mikaela> "An' don't think 'bout what the consequences for Ali would be if you take the other conclusion, just your own feelings, y'know?"
  94. [22:26:35] <Rica> "You're... you're right.  Sorry.  Give me a minute."
  95. [22:26:56] * @Mikaela crosses her arms and waits.
  96. [22:26:59] * Rica takes a deep breath.
  97. [22:27:26] <@Mikaela> Aura modo mawiles of course for intention/signs of liiiiieeees
  98. [22:28:30] <Rica> "I only wanted Aria to abuse me and insult me.  It made me excited every time that happened."  She's not lying.  "The chairman... I knew I didn't have a chance with.  I tried to ask him for a date once so I could forget about those horrible feelings of mine in the first place and have someone to devote myself to.  Ali was..."
  99. [22:29:22] <Rica> "Well, he was always kind, and meaningful.  We shared hobbies and interests.  He's not bad-looking..."
  100. [22:29:35] <Rica> Still not bullshit.
  101. [22:30:12] <Rica> "..."
  102. [22:30:25] <@Mikaela> "...But the question's still whether ya really meant it when ya went that far with 'im."
  103. [22:30:58] <Rica> "I can't do it!  I can't think about just me, all that comes to my head is how horrible it'd be if he tries to take a CRIPPLE back home.  Even when we did it it was so awkward and..."
  104. [22:31:03] <@Mikaela> "And fuck, I knew you had the hots for the chairman, but are ya bein' truthful with yourself there? I'm not gonna fault Ali if this is just you needin' some sorta rebound after that, but I will tell ya that's unhealthy as fuck."
  105. [22:31:04] * Rica cries all over Mika's chest again.
  106. [22:32:11] <Rica> "No no... I asked the chairman BECAUSE I knew I'd get a rush out of getting turned down.  I probably think something horrible's going to happen if I get with Ali too, my subconscious is always one step ahead of me.  I don't understand myself at ALL."
  107. [22:32:57] * @Mikaela squints. "Did ya care for the chairman at all outside o' wantin' that feeling of masochistic pleasure?"
  108. [22:34:25] <Rica> "I... think, I'm not sure, my feelings make no sense."  That's true, she has no idea what the fuck.  "I just noticed that he was really stuffy and uncomfortable and that bothered me... but then he basically told me I wasn't rich enough."
  109. [22:34:48] <Rica> "When that happened I forgot about all the reason I had for asking him and it was just so painful it was ecstatic."
  110. [22:35:01] <Rica> "... Arceus, I'm so horrible."
  111. [22:35:26] * @Mikaela sighs and takes a slow swig of the whiskey, looking around the room before returning her gaze to Rica. She stops to think for a moment.
  112. [22:36:14] <Rica> "I can't even do my job right now either, I'm SUPPOSED to be giving you detention for that."
  113. [22:36:21] * Rica rolls, still tearful.
  114. [22:37:16] <@Mikaela> "Well, ya ain't." Mika takes another sip and smiles.
  115. [22:37:19] <@Mikaela> "Anyhow..."
  116. [22:37:46] <@Mikaela> "What you've told me doesn't answer whether you felt anythin' else for Alexandre, y'know."
  117. [22:37:50] <Rica> "... Yeah, I can't."
  118. [22:38:02] <@Mikaela> "Just what you thought he felt 'bout you, an' that's not what I'm askin'."
  119. [22:39:28] <Rica> "And I don't know... he was so distant.  He said he just wanted to be co-workers... he didn't mean it, though."  Roll roll.  "He was in a situation I just don't get.  Something I couldn't help him with.  So I just felt... completely worthless."
  120. [22:39:43] <@Mikaela> "I needta know whatcha felt, 'cause I'm still not sure you aren't lookin' for some sorta bullshit rebound with Ali."
  121. [22:39:54] <@Mikaela> "Cause that's just gonna hurt both of ya if it's what it is."
  122. [22:40:30] <Rica> "Maybe I am!  But Mika, I already told you, my mind jumps straight to decisions that probably WILL hurt me.  And he's trying for the opposite of that.  And I... don't know which one is right."
  123. [22:40:43] <@Mikaela> "Truth be told I'm not a huge fan of the guy, but he's well meaning, and neither of you deserve the kinda shit that comes with bein' in a relationship driven by self-loathing and remorse."
  124. [22:41:19] <Rica> "You're right... but what if he was really telling the truth?  That I can actually be... you know, 'cured?'"
  125. [22:42:16] <@Mikaela> "See a fuckin' therapist. Trust me, they work. The good ones anyway."
  126. [22:42:20] <Rica> "A relationship would at least give me something else to think about.  To focus on."
  127. [22:42:50] * Rica just leans back on Mika's... lap, probably. "Ungggh, why am I so messed up?"
  128. [22:43:05] <@Mikaela> "But don't ever hate yourself, alright? Your problem...s'not that you're a masochist, it's that you're lettin' that drive way too much of your life. You're lookin' for the pleasure everywhere, an' that's gonna drive you nuts even if you have somethin' inocuous like a foot fetish or somethin'."
  129. [22:43:51] <Rica> "Yeah... I don't know how to stop myself anymore.  It just happens."
  130. [22:44:26] <Rica> "I guess I'm a little bit lucky that I can't even feel my feet anymore, hmm?"
  131. [22:44:32] * Rica musters a laugh but it's SO SO fake.
  132. [22:45:02] <@Mikaela> "Human sexuality is fuckin' nuts, alright? You're gonna need help, an' part o' that's gonna be seein' that there are fuckin' scores of people who're into BDSM or shit that people find weird. An' they're fuckin' normal people otherwise."
  133. [22:45:18] <@Mikaela> "So don't hate yourself for it, just get it under some fuckin' control, right?"
  134. [22:46:02] <Rica> "Okay.. I just... I just thought he'd be able to help.  I still trust him, but..."  Ulp.  "What should I do?  Should I call him and apologize again?"
  135. [22:47:41] <@Mikaela> "Decide, what the fuck y'want first. Don't think 'bout it terms like whether Ali's gonna be disappointed by whatever choice y'make or somethin' like that. Decide whatcha want. Then fuckin' talk to 'im."
  136. [22:48:37] <Rica> "But it's just like... a big loop.  I don't trust myself to make decisions until I can come to terms with and stop hating myself, but I can't do that until he actually helps me with it, but he can't help me with it until... rrrrgh."
  137. [22:48:44] * Rica rolls over again.
  138. [22:49:12] <@Mikaela> "Y'need a fuckin' therapist."
  139. [22:49:24] <Rica> "... It was nice, though."
  140. [22:49:30] <@Mikaela> "It's nothin' to be ashamed of."
  141. [22:49:36] <@Mikaela> "I had one for years, y'know."
  142. [22:49:44] <Rica> "It was everything Aria said it'd be."
  143. [22:50:08] <Rica> "But now I know how I feel now... I'm sure he just told me that to get at me again."
  144. [22:50:18] <Rica> "So now he's having the last laugh.  Again."
  145. [22:50:20] * Rica rollrollroll.
  146. [22:50:42] * @Mikaela sighs, then a small grin forms at the corner of her mouth. "...How long did he last?"
  147. [22:51:11] * Rica nervously looks to the ceiling... the wall... back to the ceiling.
  148. [22:51:22] <Rica> "A... A while."
  149. [22:51:49] <@Mikaela> "The Prince? Really? Get out."
  150. [22:52:12] <Rica> "He was actually, um... well..."  Cough.  "... More than I... er... expected."
  151. [22:52:26] <@Mikaela> "Ah, sorry, that' wasn't quite appropriate. So, are ya happy with this? Do ya know what you're gonna do?"
  152. [22:53:03] * Rica rolls back. "I... think I could try him. And find out if he's really serious."
  153. [22:53:11] <Rica> "I could probably be serious too."
  154. [22:53:35] <Rica> "I just don't want to think of what I'd do if he... wasn't."
  155. [22:54:00] <Rica> "Knowing myself.... if he hit on other girls again I'd probably let him."
  156. [22:54:06] <@Mikaela> "Y'need to know."
  157. [22:54:11] <Rica> "Actually I'd probably encourage it."
  158. [22:54:56] <Rica> "And... well, it's not like I don't trust him.  I mean, I'm pretty sure I trust him."
  159. [22:55:55] <@Mikaela> Another small swig of whiskey. "Find out whatcha want. Keep your fuckin' self-control. Find a therapist. S'all I've got for ya."
  160. [22:56:15] <@Mikaela> "...Oh, an' if he didn't mean it, lemme know if ya need some face smashin' to be done."
  161. [22:56:53] <Rica> "Yeah... I will.  Thanks, Mika."
  162. [22:57:04] * Rica barely sits up. "I still feel really awful that all this happened."
  163. [22:57:28] <Rica> "I know you didn't come along to get involved in any of this."
  164. [22:57:38] * @Mikaela holds up the bottle to the light and squints at the remnants. "I'll just leave this here for ya." She sets it down on a table.
  165. [22:58:01] * Rica barely manages to fold her arms. "... I'm not going to break rules."
  166. [22:58:03] <@Mikaela> "Cheap whiskey, drink it fast an' don't think too hard 'bout it."
  167. [22:58:28] <Rica> "... Maybe I'll go somewhere off-campus first."
  168. [22:58:38] <Rica> "But..."
  169. [22:58:49] <Rica> "Er, well... would you still..."
  170. [22:59:13] <@Mikaela> "I'm gonna talk to the Prince."
  171. [22:59:31] <Rica> "I mean, now that you know why I'm doing it, would you still help with Entei?  That's not ALL of it.  I wanted a Fire-type legendary so I could experiment and find out how we- ... wait."
  172. [22:59:42] <Rica> "W-Wait, I don't think that's... I mean, you shouldn't..."
  173. [23:00:03] * Rica just falls back over on the bed.
  174. [23:00:23] <@Mikaela> "Of course I'll help with Entei, just be fuckin' careful 'bout it and don't let that be your only drive for it, alright?"
  175. [23:01:00] <@Mikaela> "You still doubt yourself, your feelings, all that, right? If ya can't be sure 'bout whatcha want, whatcha think, then I'm gonna have a chat with the Prince."
  176. [23:01:05] <Rica> "Yeah... I want to make Fire/Ice work.  It's strange, but it's effective.  I wanted to do it so I could be the one to give MYSELF confidence."
  177. [23:01:14] <Rica> "I'm just... grasping at straws."
  178. [23:01:40] <Rica> "Just please promise me you won't be violent with him, okay?  He didn't do anything wrong."
  179. [23:01:45] <@Mikaela> "Gotcha."
  180. [23:02:31] <Rica> "And tell him to come see me when he's sure what he wants.  I won't drink anything until then.  I want to be completely in-control."
  181. [23:02:52] <@Mikaela> "'Course."
  182. [23:03:11] * Rica just rolls over flat on her back. "... Thanks."
  183. [23:03:33] <Rica> "I don't know WHAT I would've let happen to myself by now if I didn't have a friend like you."
  184. [23:04:16] * Rica eyes the bottle and then close her eyes. "Next time you're getting detention though, I mean it."
  185. [23:04:40] <@Mikaela> "Nah, would've been none o' this if I'd not let ya run off by yourself like that. Fuck..." Mika shrugs and picks up the bottle for one last swig before heading out the door, her mawiles following behind.
  186. [23:05:18] <Rica> "Damnit."
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