I didnt know how I would felt when I saw you today. I didnt know if you had wanted to see me, and although you didnt chase me away. I still felt unwelcomed...I'm not sure why, if its me.
Im forever confused how we went from me staying at your place and hanging out to you not wanting me there or wanting us to hang out.
As you told Camille, maybe I was too much, Im not sure how. Because if I remember correctly you were the one that planned my coming to Montreal and studying at McGill and staying at your place. How does someone goes from that to I dont have feelings for you anymore. You were the one who made all the promises. I never asked you for that. All I ever wanted from you was to hang out and spent time together. Yet you basically planned our life and then within a few months, took it all back. And its painful.
I dont know if its me, I think I tried my hardest to make this work. I came to montreal every month until I had school so I couldn't come. You said that you only saw me for a total of 3 weeks in all, but Im not sure how we were suppose to progress even as friends if you didnt want to get to know me.
Seems as if you want a ready made relationship without the effort of getting to know someone.
You said you dont know me, but you never made the effort.  I tried so hard with the visiting and messages. But you cant force a man to do something he doenst want to do. Im just very confused and puzzled where/how it went wrong. You dont really lose feelings for someone so easily.

I dont really know, maybe it was the fixing your place and buying stuff for you, but hey look Nikki came around and you did everything so willingly. It is painful, its painful hearing you say that you definitely like her more than me...its not her fault i know but gosh you were so defensive of her....

I dont know how you went from trying to kiss me in the sex store and holding my hand eventhough I pulled away to this...not wanting me to come over etc. Ill admit this morning I should have called first but I really didnt know if you would have wanted to see me. Since so much have happened with you since last I saw you. But damn I still cant get over the coldness, the fact that you didnt want me to come over tomorrow because Nikki would be home all day...and then the sudden restriction of physical contact between us, which I guess make sense but if I remember correctly you were the one cuddling today and I was the one resisting...and then suddenly you change your mind abt us. Its just confusing. All confusing. It just doesn't make sense to me.
And then to hear that you moved on 1 months after we broke up was painful, gosh I thought I was good... guess not. And now you are dating because you want a relationship, yet thats what you have with me. Sure there wasnt much contact but it wouldnt have been forever, i thought we were still getting to know each other. I dunno, this situation just sucks. I remember i had even asked you abt renting a room if i ever came to mcgill, and you said no. Yet nikki is staying there. What does she have that i dont???

And that you definitely liked her more than me....
I dunno, i dont know what I did wrong or what I should have done better. Did i not try hard enough to make it work?
Maybe I really am too much...and I did try to keep a distance from you but then you started making all these promises and spending more time together...and I caved.
I wish that my heart wasnt like this. I wish i can be as distant as you and maybe this will all hurt less.
I dont and wouldnt ever regret meeting you, I just wish this didnt hurt so much...I wish you werent as cold and distant towards me.

Im sorry for the long message, just all of this stuff is on my mind right now. I hope you dont think less of me for having emotions.
And fyi, this wasnt because of the sex. Ive had emotionless sex before, so dont think it was because of that. Its just stuff on my mind
I just dont want you to be repulsed by me, whether it be physically or even because of my emotions. Yes my emotions are a bit all over right now...I didn't expect to cry at your place...or even expected to send you this long message.
The last thing I would want you to do is hate me or dont want any contact with me.
I know I told you that I sometimes have trouble controlling my emotions.