The Blowjob Manifesto

THE BLOWJOB MANIFESTO

While reading the “What’s your #1 sex tip for the opposite sex” post, I saw a lot of guys begging women to incorporate what I believed to be basic beej technique into their blowjob routines. In response, I have created a guide to giving good head. Hopefully, my years of...extensive field research...will benefit you in some small way.

THE SETUP

When starting with a limp penis, it is relatively easy to take his entire dick into your mouth. Begin sucking and slowly move your head away from his body. When you reach the end, move your lips back down to the base and repeat.

A note on sucking technique: Pucker your lips out instead of curling them in while sucking. The preferred level of suckage really varies from guy to guy. In my experience, you should be sucking hard enough that you are gently tugging on his member, but not so hard that you feel like you might rip his delicate flesh. Experiment and observe his reactions. Loud moan = good, silence = bad, screaming = really bad.

THE GRIP

When his penis is hard, grip said cock appropriately. The correct grip stabilizes his dick so you’re not pulling one of those can’t-find-the-straw-with-your-tongue moves, determines the length of penis that will go into your mouth, and provides some pleasure (by very gently squeezing at the base of the shaft).

For small dicks: Wrap your index finger and thumb around the base of his cock. Use the side of your thumb and your last three fingers to gently hold back his balls and the area above his penis, thus exposing more of the shaft.

For big dicks: Too long to fit the entire thing in your mouth? Wrap your entire hand around the base of his dick. Your lips will only have to go down far enough that they meet your fingers.

For average dicks: Depending on how much of his penis you think will fit in your mouth, wrap your thumb and [index finger + middle finger] or [index finger + middle finger + ring finger] around the base of his shaft.

Another tip: For those guys whose members point upwards, my most recent boyfriend loves it when you angle his dangle forwards, pulling it down sort of like a lever. Consider incorporating this technique into your grip!

THE SALIVA

It is finally time to put his penis in your mouth. While you may use lubricant at your own discretion, I prefer to slobber all over his disco stick. Catching your lips on his dry skin is the worst. There should be a wet spot on the bed by the time you’re done.

THE PACE

The pace at which you move your head up and down is clutch. Some guys like it fast, some guys like it painfully slow. Don’t be afraid to ask what he likes! The key is to keep a steady rhythm. For CPR, they tell you to do chest compressions to the beat of “Stayin Alive”. Do that...but with a dick in your mouth.

THE TONGUE

The Basics: Basic blowjob technique requires that you apply light suction while moving your mouth up and down his shaft with your flat tongue pressing against the underside of his penis. I usually start with this and then move on to different styles.

The Ice Cream Cone: Lick his cock like you would lick an ice cream cone from bottom to top. Look him in the eyes and flash him a seductive smile while you do this for bonus points!

The ‘Under Pressure’: With your lips wrapped around his penis, press the end of your pointed tongue along the midline of the underside of his penis. When you get to the top, apply pressure to the point where the chin strap would be if the head of his penis was a helmet. This area is super sensitive!

The Butterfly: With your lips wrapped around his penis, flick your tongue back and forth across his penis as you move up and down the shaft.

THE HANDS

When your neck or your jaw gets tired, take a break! Use your hands to keep him going until you feel ready to put it back in your mouth.

The Tunnel of Love: Wrap your hand around the top of his penis and place you mouth on top of your hand. As your hand and (eventually) your mouth down his shaft, it will feel like a tunnel of neverending mouth.

The Twister: As you slide your hand up and down his shaft, flick your wrist back and forth. Note for the oblivious: you are not actually twisting his dick! You are twisting your hand around his shaft.

The Power Move: When I just can’t bring myself to suck his penis any longer and I need the experience to end, I initiate the power move. This involves performing The Butterfly and The Twister simultaneously. The pressure from your grip, the sensation of your tongue, and the (pleasurable) friction from twisting your hand is like sensation overload! Keep at a steady pace, whatever you’re comfortable with. My guy usually lasts about 30 seconds with this one and then it’s game over.

THE BALLS

Do not forget about the balls! Engaging the balls is the most important factor in graduating from a beginner to an experienced cock-sucker. I know balls can be smelly and hairy, but do him a solid and just go for it. There are several ways to involve the balls in your blowjob routine.

The Swoop: I usually recommend this simple move to people who are apprehensive about touching the balls. Begin by forming your hand into a C-shape. As you “swoop” your hand in to grasp his shaft at the base, gently cup his balls for a split second.

The French Kiss: Kiss his balls like you would kiss his mouth. Lick his balls with a flat or pointed tongue.

The High and Tight: When he gets close to finishing, his balls with tightening up and start to draw in towards his body. When you see this happening, gently tug his balls down. It’s a big tease!

Tea-bagging: Proceed with caution as some guys are not into this! Take his balls into you mouth and suck ever so slightly. Personally, my mouth is too small to accommodate the entire sack, so I suck on one ball at a time. If you do this, don’t forget about the second ball!

DEEP THROAT

This is something that is difficult for a lot of people. However, keep in mind that you do NOT have to be able to do this to give a good blowy! Should you choose to try, here are a few tips:

Relax your jaw and take take a deep breath. Nothing with fit back there if you are nervous and clenched up.

Grip the base of his penis firmly so you are in control of how far in it goes.

Stick your tongue out. I find it’s easier to deep throat when I stick my tongue so far out that it is hanging out of my mouth while I do it!

Open your throat like you’re about to sing an opera and try to hold it there.

Try not to think about the fact that you might gag and just go with it. Sometimes, I forget what I’m doing and when I come to, I realize his penis is hitting my tonsils.

Practice, practice, practice!

THE EPIC DEBATE

To swallow or not to swallow? That is the question. Personally, I am extremely biased. I have been swallowing from Day 1. If he happens to finish anywhere other than your mouth, no big deal. Wipe it up and you’re done. Otherwise, here is my reasoning:

When he finishes during a blowjob, chances are that he will cum in your mouth. It’s already in your mouth. You’ve already tasted it. You’ve already experienced the sliminess. Why not just swallow and get it over with?

It’s easier to clean up. Instead of having to find a kleenex or a towel to clean yourselves off, all you have to do is swallow and the mess is gone.

There is no bigger turn-off than the grossed out face a girl makes while she spits a dude’s cum back out of her mouth. You’re supposed to have enjoyed the experience!

ENTHUSIASM

You don’t need to choke on his penis like a pornstar who can’t get enough cock, but PLEASE try to look like you are enjoying yourself. I like to remind myself: I AM A FUCKING WOMAN (or man!) and I can make this dude squirm and moan and explode just by using my mouth. Be confident, that’s you making him make those noises!

Eye contact is such a huge turn on. Look up at him with his penis in your mouth. Pop his dick out of your mouth and make him watch while you rub the tip against your lips, slap your face with it, etc.

Lightly scratch and nibble the inside of his thighs like you’re a hungry wild animal. Make him feel like you WANT him.

EVALUATING RESPONSES

A lot of people are afraid to ask for feedback at all, let alone mid-beej. But there are tons of sexy ways to get him to tell you what he likes! Ask, “Oh, you like that baby?” when trying something new. Say, “Does it feel better when I go like this...or like this?” with a coy smile on your face. Want to be dirty? Be specific, “Do you like it when I [do this move] to your cock baby?”. Also, guys just love hearing the word “cock” in general.

Now that you’re a pro, don’t go for it all at once. Stick to the basics and save the advanced moves for when you’re ready to step up your game. Pleasuring your SO is a learning process, so go slow enough that you can evaluate his likes and dislikes.