I'm not very good with words. I'll try.
I hope you're okay. I realise this sounds weird coming from the guy who shot you - but I so desperately hope you're okay. If you hate me forever, but end up okay and unharmed - that's all that matters.
That night when you were high and upset, Lisha came home after you'd fallen asleep. I'd looked in the trunk, and found her journal - it talks about opening a Hellmouth. I don't really like the sound of that. It threatens the whole town. It also talks about human sacrifices and drawing power from worshippers.
She gave me 3 choices: stay and fuck her, leave or die. I tried to suggest I could stay without fucking anyone - I don't really like being coerced into sex. She suggested to bring in a really vicious guy for 'extra fun'. I chose to leave after getting reassurances you would be ok  -  and then she turned herself into /me/ - and suggested she'd fuck you, looking like me, and that you would not like me much in the morning. I couldn't let her do that, so I promised to stay and do whatever she wanted.
She changed back to herself and told me to leave and that she'd watch Walking Dead.
I left and went straight to the catholic church to find a way to fight her. Next time we met, I didn't talk about any of it. I didn't know if you'd just run straight back and tell her everything - they can read my mind, they can read yours - I couldn't talk about anything.  I got more and more desperate. I only saw one way: to kill her.
In your apartment, that night when I shot you, I thought you were her. She can look like anyone she wants. I couldn't risk it. I chose to shoot you in such a way that if I was wrong, you'd live. In hindsight, I could've waited longer. It was inexcusable and I don't expect you to forgive me.
I can only hope that you at least consider to fight their influence . Don't be what they want you to be.
Be you.

-J