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- Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
- Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
- The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
- As Papa did last minute Internet shopping.
- The stockings were hung by the modem with care
- In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
- The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
- While visions of computer games danced in their heads.
- PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
- And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
- The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
- To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com -
- Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
- Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
- All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
- To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
- After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
- St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
- With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
- And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
- From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
- In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
- The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
- Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.
- No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me)
- No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
- Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
- With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
- From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.
- More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
- And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
- "Now, ADOBE! Now, CLARIS! Now, INTUIT! too,
- Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,
- It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
- It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
- Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
- And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.
- Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
- And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
- To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
- Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"
- And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
- Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
- When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
- The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,
- As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
- The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
- As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
- My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
- And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
- Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
- And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
- Have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night.
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