Basically what's going on in my (Zoobie's) life atm

So, hi.

If you're reading this you're probably one of the few people that care about this sort of stuff and probably watch/watched my stream, so I guess I'll just start.
You guys have probably been wondering why I've been so absent in the past months, if you follow my Twitter there was probably bits and pieces you figured out by yourself. Basically, like what seems like the entire internet, I've been suffering from depression, probably for a few years now but it never really hit as hard as in the last year and a half. After a bad phase during summer in which I basically did not want to see or talk to anyone for like 2 months, I opened up to some friends and my family and built up the courage to actually see a doctor and get some help.

If you know me, you know I'm not the most open person about stuff and well, I hate to say it but I treat my friends mostly like I treat my viewers and online friends. When shit gets real, I make jokes. It's not a good habit, but that's how my personality works, apparently.
So, anyways, the doctor managed to figure out I got hypothyroidism, so we had to get that checked first. It can affect mood and motivation, so my hope was it'll all go away with some thyroid meds. Surprise! It didn't. The meds solved some other issues I had like insomnia and constantly gaining weight despite eating way less than a guy my age should. So yay, I'm losing weight and I can sleep most nights.

I started taking those meds in november, basically it took a month to get an appointment at a specialist and then get the actual medicine from my doctor. Another month to figure out if those solve the issues or not. So in january, we started taking other measures. My doctor told me to see a neurologist, I made an appointment there, that was like 3 weeks away and got moved back another week, so basically I had it like last week. (today is february 25th btw) They prescribed me an anti-depressant and handed me some flyers for some therapy places, sounded like some sort of group therapy, idk how fun that'll be, but I'll take a look. I'll be on the meds starting next week, hoping I'm not gonna get any of the side effects and be a happy boy after.

So that's what my mental health has been like. Now to what else is going on; my studies aren't going super well, as you could imagine, so I hope that picks up. My funding is pretty much in the dumps as well, my parents help me out, but I feel quite shit about that. Not much I can do atm though, I'll look for a job once I feel capable of leaving the house again. Kinda what my parents told me to do, basically not to worry until I'm better, they're great and I'm more than greatful to have them, I just hate basically bleeding them dry out of my own inability to be happy. lol.

Also, and here's the part that should be interesting to you guys, I want to stream again. A lot. I don't know when that'll be possible to do regularly and I don't know what games I'll be playing. Might pick up speedrunning again once I get motivation to do so. Might just grind Overwatch a ton, as I love that game and want to be good at it. Will probably also try to do some Singleplayer casual stuff, just to stream something and talk to people in chat. I know most of this won't get me more than 10 viewers at first, but that's fine. If you like me for me and wanna hang out, do that. If you don't wanna see the game I'm playing, don't do that. All I wanna achieve with this, is letting you guys in on what you've probably been wondering about. Or not, idk, my self-esteem isn't the highest so I also don't find myself very interesting atm, but some other people seem to. Sometimes. I'm rambling.

When I stream, it will be on a good day. I can promise that. I don't wanna be a complete mess and talk about my illness all stream. The enjoyment I got out of streaming was never the game I played, or videogaming in general, it was making people in chat laugh about shitty jokes, dumb puns and other bullshit that sometimes trickles out of my mouth. That's my passion. So I appreciate every one of you who hang out and have fun with me.

On a more business directed note, I might add some sort of daily(as in, per stream) donation goal to help me pay bills. Like I said, my parents are paying most of them atm and I hate that. I can't really work yet as I'm still sitting in a hole filled with self-loathing and without motivation to even get out of bed most days. So this will have to do for the time being. If anyone donates, yay. If noone does, whatever. Not like I can even call myself a streamer at this point anymore. And with how infrequent streams might still be, that will only be a drop in the bucket, but I feel like I have to adress it in here, so I don't have to explain it every time on stream when some random comes in and asks why this 5 viewer streams needs a 10 dollar donation goal or whatever. At least I'd feel like this money is more earned than my parents just giving me more every month. I could pretend I worked for it in some way and entertained someone enough to give me 5 bucks for making their afternoon a little brighter.

ANYWAYS, with all that out of the way, thanks for reading this. It got longer than intended (that's what she said), but I guess I had more to say than I thought. I also planned to do this like 3 months ago, but basically panicked about what people would think reading all this personal shit. But at this point, I realise I'm actually ill, I'm not just having "a bad week" or whatever and I'm getting treated and there's no shame in that. Again, thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate you.

tl;dr: Zoobie's depressed as fuck, he's trying to get over it, if he streams and has a donation goal, it's because he'd rather not live on the street.